2022-05-16: What is a Leader?
- Log: 2022-05-16: What is a Leader?
- Cast: Sayla Mass, Sho Utsumi
- Where: Tokyo, OCU Japan
- OOC - IC Date: 15 May, 0096
- Summary: Utsumi's confidence is shaken, and he asks for guidance. Sayla tries her best.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
The cafe in Tokyo is one of Sayla's go-tos for the area. Good coffee, nice range of menu items, and private booths. Dr Mass is set up in one of those booths, waiting for the other part of this meeting to arrive.
She'd kind of expected it would happen one day, the more the real world impinged on Tsutsujidai. The clash was bound to happen. So she'd prepared herself ahead of time, as much as she could. It was better to have this in person.
So she waited, she'd ordered a coffee for herself already. She had few materials this time. No dossiers, no charts. This is something that would be coming off of her head and her heart. And hopefully it wouldn't steer him wrong.
<Pose Tracker> Sho Utsumi has posed.
There hasn't been a good time for a meeting. Part of it was Sho putting it off - what did he need to meet with the leadership for? He knows what he's doing. Fighting the bad guys, helping Gridman, protecting Tsutsujidai, maybe jumping out into the other world if he gets a chance (mostly to buy hobby kits).
Except he doesn't know what he's doing. First, that talking kaiju got the better of him. Everything he knew - heroic speeches, showing your power, believing in your friends - failed him. Sure, life wasn't a show. People were dying. But it never felt real.
And then the concert. That made it more real. He's still not sure how he feels, but people died. He saw them crushed into nothing by tendrils. Only the fact that he HAD saved anyone was keeping him strong. But not strong enough. He needed advice.
Dr. Mass was smart, and so, he called through the proper Shuffle channels. He didn't expect this to be in-person, but it makes sense, so the blue-haired teenager is here, in a jacket over his goofy Tarabaman t-shirt, jeans, and shoes, as he prepares to order a very sugary coffee and take a seat at the private booth.
"Doctor." More formal than one could expect from him. "Thanks for making the time. This is...really important." The fact he can admit that will probably help him in the long-run.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
"Mr Utsumi, take a seat. Please order whatever you want, my treat." Better for him to be relaxed. Sayla's quite calm, professional but warm. A practiced face. A practiced voice.
She watches him, feels out for his unease. His concern. he's going to be keeping an eye on it this whole time, so to speak. She takes a sip of her coffee, and places her hands on the table.
"...I got the gist from your message, but it might be best for you to lay everything out, and start there." She needs to let him set the pace, and work out what he needs from there.
<Pose Tracker> Sho Utsumi has posed.
Sho also orders a croissant, when offered. He hasn't eaten much. Too anxious.
When offered the pace, he takes it. He's slow to start. "I...do you remember back in the mountains? We weren't working together, but I was fighting this talking kaiju...he keeps trying to kill Gridman, and I stood by the ideals of my hero. The one who gave me hope. I got...crushed. He's stronger than me."
When the coffee and croissant are in hand, he pauses to eat some, slowly. "Tarabaman taught me that if you keep trying, if your heart is good, you can make a difference. You can save the day. But that's a show. Gridman might be a superhero, but this is real life. The concert in Tsustujidai - it angered the kaiju, and...people died. I saw it. I only saved a couple, but these guys, they were dead."
A swig of coffee. "I was jealous of Gridman. I wished I could be like him. That's why I got excited about the rescue robots. But this isn't a movie. I'm not the sidekick in the superhero flick."
Sho considers what to say. But there's an undercurrent to his emotions - a lack of *actual* despair. It hasn't fully sunk in, and also, he hasn't *given up*. "That's why I came to you. You're from a world where you've all dealt with this for a long time. I want...to figure out what I should do."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla was right, this was probably inevitable. It's a crushing sensation. And yet, Sho seems... not defeated. Just lacking direction. You can do that. "... Sometimes, it's not about whether you can, but rather how you make a difference. Where you make a difference. Not everyone can make a difference, but often, that's not their fault. But lots of people don't know how to aim for where they can make a difference."
Sayla takes another sip, thoughtfully. "I'd say people like Tarabaman don't exist in real life, but we've all met Riku so frankly I'd be lying." That's also a guess, Sayla hasn't watched any Tarabaman. Magical Girl Wonderful Persimmon was her saturday morning drug of choice, and on the rare occasions she saw Casval watching that sort of show about a bug man on a bike that was far too scary for her at the time.
"...You can't save everyone, Sho." She drops the formality. "No matter how hard you try." She doesn't try to raise how many people might have died that had been erased. Hopefully he hasn't either. "I hope you don't have the experience I did, but people may die to save you. That's something you have to live with. It's not cowardice to walk away from a fight if the consequences are more than you can handle, or the battle is something you can't manage."
She knows she hit him with a low blow there. She takes another sip, to let her process. "...But if you wish to continue, you will fight enemies stronger and more powerful than you. And you beat them by playing to your strengths, and working with others. Sometimes the difference one makes is helping another to make a difference. And that's no less worth or valuable."
<Pose Tracker> Sho Utsumi has posed.
The Riku comment barely gets a reaction, probably a laugh in any other moment, but Sho's pouring out his soul, so it's a little hard to laugh. "He had more stability than I did, during that concert...I wonder how he does it..." Sho says, but then the low blow hits. He goes quiet, for a while. He drinks coffee and eats his croissant, very slowly.
He should probably quit, right? He'd considered it. Maybe working in a Shuffle office forwarding information, or even just becoming a civilian contact in Tsutsujidai. But for some reason, even with everything he just said, it hurts him to even think about. He can't give up. He can't. Can't.
His next thoughts mutter out of his mouth, giving a clear language to the emotional vibes he's giving off. "...I can't let them down."
Sho looks up, towards Sayla. "I can't fight like I am. But...I don't think the answer is to walk away, either. Yuta, Rikka...they're fighting hard. It's not cowardice to leave them, maybe, but...I wouldn't be able to live with myself, watching them get hurt while I'm on the sidelines." A pause. "And Gridman...I may need him more than he needs me, but I still think I can assist him."
"I can't be a superhero like Gridman. But...that's not how we roll anyways. I want..."
What does he want? Everything has been about other people. He wanted to be a superhero, but he knows he can't. So what does *he* want?
"I want to lead our alliance. Can you and the others teach me?"
This is possibly the most emotionally vulnerable Sho's been in a long time, for a teenage boy. But Sayla doesn't know him. That...makes it easier, in a way. You have to be strong around those you care most about, right?
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla listens quietly and intently. A statement of intent. A declaration of goals. A desire to move forward and a willingness to bear the weight.
"...This isn't something you declare lightly. If you're taking the mantle of leader, you're taking responsibility for the lives of your friends and subordinates. You're making the plans, and it's on you if they fail. You're the one who is making the decisions and bearing the consequences. You need to be a person the Gridman Alliance can trust, and you have to trust them."
Sayla looks him in the eyes. She knows he's being vulnerable, so Sayla has to respect that vulnerability, and not lie to him or misguide him. "I can teach you skills and knowledge, but that doesn't mean you'll be a leader." She takes a breath.
"What is a leader to you, Sho Utsumi?"
<Pose Tracker> Sho Utsumi has posed.
"I know." Is the first thing to come out of Sho's mouth. He knows. Her words are finally settling it all in. He's snapping out of the dream he's been in ever since the volleyball club were killed, even if he'll need time to truly accept that.
"A leader...I thought it was the cool mentor guy who makes everything work and leads everyone to save the day. I was wrong. A leader is someone who tries to make it work, no matter what they're leading, and provides direction. They are the gear that pushes the others, and the others in turn push them. They can't...like you said, save everyone."
But there's a determination in his voice. This isn't a right or wrong question. It can't be. It doesn't matter what he says, so say what he believes. "But they save who they can and need to. They make sure their team can accomplish their goals wherever possible. And...if all's going to fail, if the ship is going down, they stand by their choices. Even if they regret it...it's like a captain of a ship."
"You can't flee once you've made your decision."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Again, Sayla waits and listens. What he thought, vs what he thinks now. He's correct, it's not right or wrong. It's to work out what he needs and what he doesn't. She seems deep in thought. There are beliefs there that will help him. And some that will hurt.
When Sayla speaks her voice is calm. She isn't chiding. She isn't mocking. She's merely stating something. "...One of a leaders most important duties is calling a retreat when necessary." She makes eye contact with Sho. "And if they make an incorrect decision, acting to mitigate it as soon as possible. Knowing when that happens comes from experience, and you won't always get it right. I don't always get it right."
She relaxes a little. "...I'll teach you what I can, but how I got to this point is rather unorthodox. I'll speak to Captain Testarossa as well." She taps her lips. Alliance command wasn't exactly standard. That may be to Sho's benefit. "But it's important to remember there's no such thing as a course you're ever completely committed to. You need to be able to change and adapt. There's nothing so dangerous to their subordinates as an inflexible leader."
<Pose Tracker> Sho Utsumi has posed.
Sho listens to both the tenseness and the relaxed discussion, nodding. He's relaxing a bit himself, though he's still anxious. "I see...I'll try to keep that in mind. Thank you, doctor."
Once they're all done here, finishing the coordination, he's going to head off, and ruminate on his decision. Was he hasty? Maybe a little. But was he speaking from his heart? Yeah. He'll have to visit a hobby shop to decompress, and plan to meet other Shuffle Alliance members in the future.
After all...it's no longer just about the Gridman Alliance. He has to keep that in mind. Now...it's about the two worlds.