2022-02-09: 'Awaken', Child
- Log: 'Awaken', Child
- Cast: Ruri Hoshino, Sayla Mass
- Where: The Nadesico (Tokyo-3)
- Date: 2022-02-09
- Summary: A lonely little girl reaches out to an offered hand to try and understand the wonders of this world. Sayla comes to understand Ruri a little better, too. It's a big world out there.
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
Dear Dr. Mass,
Pursuant to our discussion (00960127) I am contacting you with a request to talk. I believe your area of expertise can help me with a personal problem I don't really understand right now.
Of course, I know you must be a very busy person, so I won't be demanding. If it isn't possible to speak right now, I understand.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards,
Ruri Hoshino, Systems Operator, ND-001 Nadesico, Nergal
... without knowing Ruri is twelve years old, it would be difficult to tell, from the email which appears in Sayla's inbox weeks after her fundraising dinner. The exchange she shares with her is eminently professional, with a respectful sense of remove. But, in the end --
---
The Nadesico is currently parked in Tokyo-3 -- a courtesy call to share some the combat data they gained while combating a Chulip which landed in Stuttgart Cauldron. It was a successful mission, the kind which goes off without any complications worth lingering on, which means the mood on the ship is pretty chipper.
Of course, a member of White Base visiting the Nadesico is something of a celebrity event, for a lot of the older adults of the ship; several members have been seen comically leaning a little too far out around corners to try and get an idea of what's going on. But Ruri, for her part, requested some privacy, so after offering Sayla respectful greetings, a handful of other bigwigs from the bridge have cleared out of the area. Back to the bridge, probably. Ships don't run themselves! (Wait, hang on a second --)
The two of them have ended up in Nadesico's guest lounge. It's an opulent place, for a battleship; the walls are green and embossed with gold, and there's a three-tier chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Nergal and Federation flags hang from the walls, framing a fireplace -- it doesn't burn wood, but it has a convincing facsimile of fire which can be turned on. The decorations are tasteful, and the couches, facing each other at a respectful negotiating distance, are comfortable.
Ruri folds her hands in her lap, sitting up straight. She's wearing her Nergal uniform, now -- orange vest, black shorts, long white sleeves with the logo to the side. The dress code here, judging from all the people who tried to get a look at Sayla, is more of a dress suggestion, but Ruri follows it to the letter.
"Sorry about them," she opens with, after a moment's awkward silence. "This ship is full of fools, so obviously no one has any self-control." She doesn't look terribly excited about Sayla coming to visit, but perhaps that's just the eternal neutrality her face seems to be stuck in, unemotional, cool.
She pauses, for a moment, collecting her thoughts, remembering what Kaworu just told her about the virtues of bonds. She asked Omoikane about this, of course, but his encyclopedic knowledge only goes so far. "I wanted to ask about Newtypes, Dr. Mass," Ruri starts, cautiously, using the word she and Omoikane eventually managed to dig up together. "You see, I guess I... made friends, with someone like that. But when she told me, I didn't take it very well, since I'm a private person." She looks down; there's little hint of it on her face, but nonetheless it may be immediately clear she regrets the discussion. "I'm embarrassed to talk to her again... I was quite foolish back then. I thought... maybe you'd know something, so..."
She trails off, all the sadness in her heart and none in her voice. Ruri feels so deeply, and shows none of it. Even under her skin, there may be the sense that she is trying to restrain the melancholy around her -- to keep it to herself.
But then, Ruri is a very truthful girl; she's already told Sayla why, more or less. According, to Ruri, honest feelings are foolish things to keep lying around where anyone can see them.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla remembered Ruri. She stood out, of course. And she hadn't given many people her personal business card. So it hadn't been hard to identify who she was. And well. Sayla had been rather upset from the two minutes or so she had with her. She didn't like how a girl as young as Ruri had been put in that position.
But upon receiving an email that reached out, well, she wasn't going to not respond.
Dear Miss Hoshino,
Thank you for making contact. I would be happy to assist however I can. I understand the difficulties of meeting when on duty, so please let me know when you are in a position to speak, and I will work with my EA to make some time available for you.
Kind Regards,
Dr. Sayla Mass, Director, The Yumi Foundation
Fortunately, Sayla had already cleared her schedule for her business with her other organization. She had begged away from the meeting- with an unfinished bowl of ramen- leaving the new arrivals in the capable hands of Chibodee (yes, good) and Sousuke (hmmm). A quick train from Nouvelle to Tokyo-3 was simple. Clearance onto the Nadesico, a little slower, but easily enough. She wore her 'visitor' badge clearly, all the same. As Ruri leads her through the ship, she can't help but note how... opulent it is. And how many eyes are on her. There are probably veterans of the One Year War here. But that's not what she's here for. They can wait. Sayla sits opposite Ruri, getting a read for her.
Sayla smiles an easy smile at Ruri. She can see the unease, let alone sense it. "They weren't a problem, don't worry." Still, Ruri's sternness. It feels a touch familiar to her. Though it's easy to tell she had to grow up too fast. "I see. It does seem... rowdy, from what little I've seen."
Thankfully, Ruri opens with her question, and Sayla nods. She doesn't speak until Ruri is finished, and waits a moment. "...It's a complicated topic, Miss Hoshino. And I don't say that to underestimate your intelligence, simply that a lot of the writings and research we have are inconsistent at best." A pause. "Would you prefer I call you Miss Hoshino, or would you rather be informal?" This is the easy, breather question before the harder statement. "You should know, if you don't already, that I'm considered a Newtype as well." She takes a breath. "Given what you've said about your friend, I want to make sure you're comfortable continuing."
She gives Ruri time to make her decision. Her goal is to be up front, and on the level with her. She already knows kid gloves would not be appreciated.
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
"It's troublesome, but they don't mean any harm." Sitting up straight, addressing things so professionally; Ruri certainly tries to fill the shoes of a little adult, even as the people around her are so much more eccentric.
(Perhaps she, herself, is eccentric, not joining in on antics like that despite her age.)
"Miss Hoshino is fine," she confirms, wasting no time on deliberation or asides. She doesn't look surprised by the complexity of the topic; even her dive into the encyclopedia revealed just how confused the subject was.
But, the people of that ship --
Ruri dips her head in a nod. "I thought that was the case," she says, "since White Base came up here and there, while Omoikane was briefing me. And I understand that's why everyone is acting so foolishly around you, Dr. Mass." She's famous! Ruri sends her sincere sympathies.
The silence which follows is channel-open; she's not done talking.
"... it does make me a little uncomfortable," Ruri admits, delicately, after that awkward moment. "I guess I couldn't hide that, even if I wanted to." Evidently she does; it's written into the stoic measure of her voice and her eyes. Ruri guards herself, inside herself. She always has.
"But -- but since that choice was made for you --" There's a certain leading assumption to that statement which might not entirely fit; it fits Ruri's understanding, though. She doesn't suppose she'd read about laboratory beginnings in public files, after all. She shakes her head, a little, looking over to Sayla.
"I don't understand," Ruri tries, again. "But I didn't mean to hurt anyone, either... I just want to know, Dr. Mass. Not only for my sake, but for the people I can reach, too." The people she..? "... I didn't know anything about this. I didn't even think to ask."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla nods, to both statements. Clearly Ruri doesn't want to waste time, and Sayla won't waste it for her. Sayla smirks a little, but continues to let Ruri speak. She'd rather be recognized for everything that came after.
"That's another complicated point. Newtypes can be very varied, in both what they can do and how powerful they are." She takes another pause. "I can dull my sense a little, but in many ways, it's like trying to shut off touch, taste and smell. You can close your eyes, or plug your ears but trying to stop feeling your fingertips against keys would involve something drastic."
Ruri's phrasing gets Sayla's attention. And so does the question she tries to get out. Or statement. "...Then I'll do what I can to help you to understand. And there are some documents and reading I can get for you after we're done here too. You and Omoikane can go through them too. But I want to try and answer the parts that are of most concern to you first."
Sayla sits a little more properly. She's not sure whether to comfort the girl or not. She can't help yourself. "But 'Newtype science' such as it is, is a new field. Newtypes were only confirmed around seventeen years ago. It depends on whose records you trust. If your friend is reasonable, she won't hold your knowledge of a niche field against you."
She moves on quickly, unless Ruri stops her. "I want you to ask any questions you have, or note them down and ask me when I finish speaking if you don't want to interrupt me. And I'll answer as best I can. If you want a prompt... Did Omoikane-" whoever that is- "tell you about Newtypes and Cyber Newtypes?"
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
Ruri is unsettled, by the idea of Newtype senses, and perhaps not entirely for the obvious reason. She doesn't interrupt, though. Neither does she interrupt as Sayla keeps explaining, though there's a little stab of guilt, as she mentions the niche field.
Ruri doesn't think that's what she would hold against her, after all.
Also: Omoikane is Omoikane! But since Sayla doesn't ask, she'll have to learn like this --
"Cyber... Newtypes?" Ruri asks, haltingly. She looks beside herself, and speaks to open air. "Omoikane, please run query 'Cyber-Newtype' excluding 'Newtype', range 0079-0096."
A communication window flashes up, all bound in a square.
< OK ! >
The next windows which flash up don't stay up for long, because there's an awful lot of information to get through. Fae-gold eyes track across the paragraphs, not bothering to read out loud, since Sayla surely knows what she's reading. (It might be hard to read over her shoulder, with how fast she's going.) Creations of the Titans and the Principality of Zeon, crimes revealed in the Gryps Conflict --
Finally, another message box appears.
< NO FURTHER DATA >
"That's okay, Omoikane," Ruri assures him, as she turns back to Sayla. "... Dr. Mass, is the difference in these 'Newtype Labs' which used to exist?"
... somehow, she feels relieved, having looked up that information. She doesn't immediately explain why.
"It didn't come up like that... but from what you're saying, I suppose there's a difference, isn't there?"
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
The speed at which Ruri goes through this information is incredible. It's also how Sayla is introduced to the Nadesico's Super AI. She tenses slightly. The Devil Gundam was a Super AI too. It killed a lot of people. She takes a few breaths. Keep calm. They're not all that monstrous. She hopes.
"...I see I could probably just give you the links to the reading and save you some time." A pause. "Or I suppose... I could give them to Omoikane? They're the one who briefed you?"
Quietly, she wishes she had a comms interface like that on the White Base. Or at home.
"Yes. A Newtype is someone who..." She pauses. How to word this. "Awakened naturally, I suppose. Whereas Cyber Newtypes where awakened through artificial means. There's no cybernetics involved, despite the name. It's mostly drugs and conditioning, I understand." She pauses. "Cyber Newtypes aren't any less Newtypes but there weren't a lot of ethics or oversight on any side. At lot of the Cyber Newtypes created in the 80s were prone to health problems and mental instability. Not counting what they did to them to keep them loyal." Sayla suddenly remembers she's talking to a 12 year old. "Newtypes aren't immune to that, but it happens less."
She sighs. "A lot of it's still classified. The Titans weren't the only ones but... These labs are still going, even if the process is much more stable than it was. But what they can do isn't always the same, or under their control. I wish I could give you a better description."
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
"He is," Ruri answers, and corrects, Sayla all at once. She's hedging the truth, a little; she isn't entirely sure how much she can trust the good Doctor. But she's protective of Omoikane's identity, even if she's pretending about how much identity he has. (Ruri didn't have to ask him to look that up in such a procedural way, after all. He's a clever boy. He knows how to search effectively.) "I'd appreciate that, Dr. Mass... though I want to hear your perspective, as well."
And that perspective --
It's upsetting, of course, but that's because Ruri is thinking of one young woman in particular. She remembers what she told her; the details all fit. (But it's still a little relieving, isn't it? Since she doesn't remember those details fitting herself --)
Ruri doesn't show that consternation, of course. Her breathing remains even; her gaze remains level. She doesn't frown, or smile, either.
She does a bit of counting, in her head. With how old that young woman appears --
"I see," Ruri says, finally. "It's a very unfortunate situation, I suppose. I didn't realise why it was so worrying... before I learned what those laboratories were like." She doesn't immediately elaborate on what 'it' is.
She arranges her hands, on her lap, one folded over the other, and looks down. "I'll... tell you what happened, Dr. Mass," Ruri decides, slowly. "But I can't tell you everything, because some of it is a secret. All right?"
Ruri pauses, for a moment, looking down at her hands rather than up to Sayla. Once she receives that indication -- well, she's still quiet, a few moments longer, legs kicking under the couch in one of those rare youthful gestures. She's just thinking of how to say it.
"She didn't just say... she could feel the person she was fighting. She said, she could feel them the same way... I feel how computers are feeling." Her legs still; her hands tighten, over each other. "Don't get me wrong -- no one gave me drugs, or anything like that. I was just always gifted. But she thought I'd understand, since I know what it's like... but, I don't like being observed, Dr. Mass. I have been observed very much."
It's not just her breathing she's keeping even. Run a scan on her, and her heart would be calm, just the same. The one part of herself she can't keep unreadable is her brainwaves, and she figured out tricks for that, too.
She had to, because the world only knows Devil Gundam. Omoikane isn't safe, in a world like this.
"I said some very thoughtless things," Ruri says, to her knees. The light frown on her face may well speak to the towering emotions she's grappling with under the surface. "Not just then, but when I was getting to know her, too. But I don't know how I can talk to her again... and I feel very vulnerable in a world where some people can see me like that. I'm not the sort of person who lets their emotions influence their duties. But what can I do, if someone knows even though I don't tell them?"
She takes a breath, and blinks, a shade overlong.
"And I realised... I might make someone feel badly, just like I did. There are a lot of computers who have to hide, Dr. Mass, or else they'll be sent back to laboratories too. People don't understand at all. You said you can't stop sensing things... I can't, either. It is easy for technology to tell me things... but what if they're curious enough to not want to? They'd be exposed, too..."
When she criticised her, was Ruri really criticising herself?
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
"Of course." With a few taps of her phone- provided it's not killed by the Nadesico's protections- a link she has often to hand is sent to Ruri. "That's an archive of the writings of Zeon Zum Deikun. A lot of his theory is entwined in Contolism, which makes a lot of it more spiritual than science, but there's sound theory in there. There's also what little resources I could gather that aren't related to combat potential."
Ruri seems to be very... cautious for a few moments, and then she asked the question. "That's all right." She opens her hand and indicates for Ruri to continue. And just as before, Sayla listens. Unlike Ruri, she doesn't hide things. She bites the inside of her lip for a moment. She can feel her emotions, so she tries not hide hers from Ruri. But it's abundantly present. Right now she quietly wishes Fraw were here. Or Rain. But it's her, so she has to do what she can.
"That's... a difficult situation." Sayla closes her eyes for a moment. "But it's not an unsalvageable one." Sayla leans forward, even if negotiating distance is too far away to offer a hand. She doubts Ruri would take it, but sometimes the offer matters. "There's a few facts can be hard to deal with for anyone. The first is that you cannot go through life without hurting someone. No matter what you do. You're going to make mistakes, there are going to be gaps in communication or someone might lack the knowledge or experience needed for a situation. What matters more than anything else is how you deal with it after the fact." Sayla looks away from Ruri, before looking back at her.
"The other is... No matter how well you restrain yourself, you can't hide yourself from everyone. Eventually someone will be able to work you out, or something will happen that makes you show yourself to someone else. I'm speaking from experience." That was maybe too much, but she's not stopping down. She's still feeling bad about how much Riku showed her earlier, without her knowing. "But... The crew you're with start to pick up on how you're doing even if you don't tell them, and vice versa. And that happens without newtypes or anything else. That's just getting used to people. That might be rough for you, but it's something you have to understand happens. But you've already stated something that I don't know you've realized. Showing emotion and letting it affect your duty are different things. Just because they know doesn't mean they'll act on it."
This is where Sayla taps the back of her left hand with the fingers of her right, absently. "But that doesn't mean you can't do anything." There's a determined look in her eye. "Most Newtypes can only feel emotions, rather than specific information. But there's things you can do to make information less obvious in case they can. You want to keep their secrets, right? Then we can find ways you can do that. They're mainly mental exercises." Finally, she leans back.
"And as for your friend, what you need to do is apologize." She takes a second. "I know it's not that easy, but that's the core of it. Writing or in person, wherever you can express yourself best." Sayla's tone softens. "People make mistakes. They have things that others can step on without knowing. You can mend that injury, but you need to be the one to make the first move. Show you understand that you upset her, and that you're sorry. Otherwise the last thing you did was hurt her and then cut her out completely." A sad look crosses Sayla's face. "...That's always worse. Trust me."
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
The link is scanned, naturally, but once it's found to be innocuous it's cached in the outer layer of the systems. Omoikane will transcribe things over safely --
Oh wait, he already did it. Computers distributed over six centres are pretty quick on the uptake!
Ruri straightens up, a little, when Sayla leans forward, as shy of sharing her physical space as she is her mental space. "I see," she says, and does look back up to her, at least. "That never happened to me growing up, so..."
The perfect love Ruri was raised in -- even the positive reinforcement she remembers, in that medicalised laboratory -- was never something which priced in human error. Because no one ever expressed hurt to her, never became frustrated or annoyed, Ruri never learned how to deal with something as simple as hurting someone else's feelings.
... the first mistakes she ever made were when she was let out into the world, unleashed on Mars.
It wasn't terribly fair, was it?
Sayla tells Ruri things she has to understand, but the light frown which remains on her face -- and all the consternation buried under it -- suggest they're things she didn't. She finds it so strange, when her crewmates call her 'Ruri-Ruri', talk to her like she's just like everyone else. And if they were encouraging her to make friends outside of the corporate structure -- well, Ruri didn't even notice that.
"It affects it," Ruri grumbles -- well and truly grumbles -- when Sayla mentions that point about emotions and duty. Even as she insists she's right, though, she has to wonder whether she entirely is. It's true that emotions have led the Nadesico's crew to make many foolish decisions, but...
... well, Ruri felt it, sitting in the cockpit of Gary's Messer. Even if she's negotiating the Nadesico's systems, being responsible for an entire vessel is another feeling entirely. For all their foolish emotions, Ruri isn't the only person on the Nadesico, after all. She's part of a team, and somehow they haven't gotten themselves all killed, yet.
She nods, to Sayla's next point. "Mental exercises... all right. I'm capable of that." She's awfully young to be saying something like that, but Ruri sounds completely confident in herself, anyway.
When Sayla leans back, that's when Ruri sags forward -- just a little, because she is a bridge officer, after all, but it's obvious to anyone watching closely. Having cleared the space, Ruri takes it. Well... it's a complicated situation.
"... I will." Ruri laces her fingers in with each other, hands clasping together. "I'm... a little nervous," it's terrifying, actually, "but she's a kind person... so it would be a shame if I made things more difficult for her." It's a distant, approximating way of describing the fallout to sharing a secret thing like that, but Ruri may well give the impression of someone doing the best she can with the resources she was given.
Ruri is a technological genius, but she never had to understand humans.
It's too bad she's human, too.
Ruri sighs, and straightens up, again. "I'm ashamed to introduce myself with such foolish actions," she says, vaguely rueful. "Even so, you helped me very much... thank you, Dr. Mass." Still entirely proper, but she's grateful, anyway.
"Um," she starts, a shade nervous. "... since you're so associated with this, may I ask one more thing from you?" Ruri pauses, for a moment, but her nerve won't hold out; she barges forward, burning-bold. "The only other person I met who can feel the hearts of computers still doesn't know what a lot of them feel like... I've never met anyone else like me, who can reach anyone, even if they're not curious people. If -- if you ever find anyone like that --" she bows her head, in what may well be recognisable as the Japanese gesture of supplication. "Please, I'd like to meet them, too."
How lonely is it, being like and unlike the Awakened?
Ruri is sure she must have had human friends, growing up. If only she could remember. If she could remember, she might know why she's alone.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla knows she just came at Ruri hard. Like she would an adult. She pushed forward into Ruri's space. And she retreated rather than stay her ground at this difference. She needs to give her space to process and take in what's been said. And it's a big ask to get it all the first time.
"I'm not surprised. It's a confronting thing to do, especially when it involves such a severe matter. If you would like, I'd be willing to read over a redacted version and provide advice." That's an easier task than sending a twelve year old a modified, *heavily* deidentified willpower and anti espionage guide.
This fucking century.
"I'm glad. If you want to talk again, please let me know." Hopefully to tell her that her apology went well-
Only for Ruri to give what comes to Sayla as an outpouring of desperation and loneliness. Sayla's eyes widen briefly, then she nods. "If I do, I'll make sure to ask if they'd like to meet you. And as soon as I can after they say yes, I'll get you in contact. I can't promise anything more than that." She knows she couched that prettty heavily but... She doesn't want to promise something she can't deliver here. That'd only do more damage.
"And Miss Hoshino, as a former comms officer to a systems operator: Please take some time to rest and recover while you're in port. Whatever form that takes for you. I've seen what being constantly in battle does to people not much older than you. The damage it leaves lasts a long time, if not forever." There is pain in Sayla voice, and serious concern on her face.
You can't go through life without hurting people, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
"Thank you, but I'd better not," Ruri says, on the topic of proofing her apology. "Since I promised I wouldn't share what she told me about herself... you know very much about this, Dr. Mass, so I don't want to state something else without realising it." The same words she used, to point out Ruri's assumptions. "It's okay," Ruri assures her, "I can do it myself." ... Ruri thinks it's assuring, if someone like her says something like that.
Her prayer for connection is heard -- about as well as Ruri could have hoped for, really. "That's all right," she says, tone even. "I understand it's a difficult request... so, thank you for your help." Even if there's no one else like her in the world, Ruri still has the feeling Sayla would put the effort into paying attention.
Ruri grows quiet, after Sayla brings up that last point. "... I see," she says, after long beats of silence. "I suppose that happened to you, as well... I hope I haven't troubled you, Dr. Mass." The fact that she's aware of it is its own statement, really. "But -- I do have things I do which aren't related to systems operation. There are lots of things I like to learn about the world," through those encyclopedia entries like the ones Omoikane brought up earlier, presumably, "and, sometimes people visit me, too. Kaworu-san visited me today," she's code-switching to her other language to give her a bit of remove, even on a first-name basis, but the fact that she's using his first name is itself a statement. "And Mr. Biaggi spoke with me while we were repairing the Nadesico after our last mission... and I met Dr. Dorothy on a train, and Mr. Zevarist told me quite a lot about living on a farm while he was staying on the Nadesico, and..."
Embarrassed, Ruri cuts herself off. "Um, I just mean... I don't just fight." She pauses, and adds, as if to distract from the point: "I play video games, too. Would you like to see?"
If Sayla isn't careful, Ruri is going to drag her right into a fighting game featuring kanji characters.
... Ruri is very good at it, but then, she does have a particular sense for how the program works.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla nods. "I understand. Good luck." Ruri is quick to catch a useful turn of phrase. But she can feel the careful moderation of Ruri's tone.
'Damnit Sayla,' she thinks to herself. 'Don't you dare get her hopes up without cause.'
"It was a long time ago, Miss Hoshino. I've... got it to a manageable point now." That's only about fifty percent a lie. What she does do is listen to the people Ruri talks about. Learning about the world, friends, her crew. "That's good. And there's a lot to learn about, even at your pace." One day she can talk about learning first hand, but not today. Sayla checks her watch. It's not too late, her schedule's clear. "Sure."
Sayla is not very good at fighting games, but she tries. Hopefully she's not too boring an opponent, and will easily spend an hour or so. She's patient, at least.