2024-08-03: Liar! Yuliana Buries The Lede
- Log: Liar! Yuliana Buries The Lede
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Sayaka Yumi
- Where: Fujinomiya / The Silent Castle (Call)
- Date: 2024-08-03
- Summary: Yuliana forces herself into a presentable state so she can finish what she started, and arrange help for Salvacion through Sayaka. But Sayaka can tell something is wrong, even though Yuliana's presenting such a positive front -- especially as it starts to crumble away. She never quite manages to come out and tell Sayaka precisely what happened... but she shares enough to paint a grim picture. (CW: Domestic abuse, self-injury)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana's broken sobbing is interrupted, once, when a servant comes in to clean up her breakfast tray; he's been instructed to give her space, though, so he doesn't approach her. (And she doesn't reach out.) She told Elisa she'd be okay, but she was being far too brave. She was already hollowed out when the day began; there is nothing left of her, now.
Elisa was just giving her space. It's the proper thing to do, with the accusations over her head. So why does it feel so much like a punishment? She only howls all the louder, bawling unheard at the top of their tower, when she realises this is what Leina is trying to do for her permanently. Being alone feels awful! It will crawl from her throat and up her throat and down her skin and burn her from the inside out!
She cries and wails for hours, and it's only by eleven that she's exhausted herself enough to realise the time. She doesn't want to get up, of course. She doesn't, but...
Somehow, she forces herself standing, shivering as her green nightgown is exposed to the air. She staggers over to the wall, and hits the button to summon the servants all the way up here. Guanyu responds, promptly, and hides her frown to see the mess of tears on Yuliana's face.
"Bring me lunch," she instructs her, without looking at her. "Elya will be disappointed if I don't eat."
"Your family will be eating soon," Guanyu reminds her, gently. "You don't want to eat with them, Mistress?"
Yuliana sags her weight into her hand, supporting her against the wall. "No," she says. "Elya said she'd see me at dinner. I'll... stay here until then." She had best stay here until then.
"All right," Guanyu says, dipping her head and closing the door. What happens behind the Mistress's closed doors is... ultimately not her business, after all. Elisa pays her handsomely not to see certain things, in her work here.
Yuliana staggers off to get dressed, while she's getting lunch ready. She's in her usual black robes, by the time Guanyu arrives with lunch; she forces herself to eat, though she'd really rather not. She takes her midday medications, too. It's a little early, particularly with how she took the first lot a little late, but...
She's trying. Elisa expects that much from her.
She disappears into their private bathroom before she can meet Guanyu again, taking the tray -- though she leaves the pill case out, so she can see they've been taken. She knows Elisa might ask. She shouldn't make it difficult for her. In front of the bathroom mirror, she cranks the water pump to bring water into the basin, staring angrily at her wretched appearance.
Her fingers tighten, and lift, and she slaps herself across her own cheek. "You're the one hurting yourself!" She screams, at that sorry reflection, and her hands come forward to grasp the basin tightly. (It's a testament to its construction that the ceramic doesn't crack.) "Get a grip, drama queen," she hisses, lips twisted up in self-disgust.
It's the worst kind of feeling.
She washes her face, and without bothering to heat the water beyond the spells in the pipes to keep it from freezing, it's all too chilly on the facecloth. That's fine, she tells herself, as she shivers. She scrubs her face, sees to her teeth, and looks down at the makeup on the basin. She keeps some of hers here, anyway -- there's the brush she uses to blacken her top eyelashes, specially-formulated to be water-resistant for obvious reasons, and concealer to help deal with some of the smaller scars on her face. She applies the latter, first, to cover up how red her eyes and nose have become; and then, of course, the former, because she must be fierce when facing the world. Some blush for her dark cheeks, too, to hide how the blood has fled them.
She forces a smile onto her face, and then keeps forcing it, practicing how to tense her face until it looks almost natural. Lying is easy; she does it all the time.
When she leaves for their bedroom, again, her lunch tray is gone. She feels... something, realising someone was here and then left, and then she fixes her smile on her face again.
She goes over to the dresser, to fetch her phone from an ominous black dock, and makes her way back to the love seat. The furs have been neatly arranged back on their bed while she was busy, so she doesn't have to worry about them, as she props her phone up on the table.
"Lying is easy," she tells herself, again, as she dials Sayaka's number.
It's midday, at the top of the world, but it's the middle of the night in Japan. At ten pm, Sayaka's phone buzzes, and Yuliana smiles brightly to her at the other end. "Yaka!" She chirps, all enthusiasm. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
Easy.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Considering her day job alone, it's hard to call Sayaka anything but a very busy woman. As the Director, her hours are self-chosen, and while she is a champion of self-care, she believes in personal responsibility too, so they trend towards the long. Especially when she finds herself wrapped up in solving a problem that she personally finds interesting - scientists, right?!
That is to say, she's usually quite tired by the time she's home and settled in. At the very least, she isn't the one who handles the cooking in his household.
By the time Yuliana calls her at 10 PM JST, she isn't in the middle of anything, just having some tea brewed for an evening of relaxation before the weekend - while Koji is probably busy with one or another of his personal projects. Her phone buzzes, with a little bit of surprise, that it's Yuliana reaching out to her. She picks up, to hear an enthusiastic, cheerful Yuliana on the other end.
"Thankfully... no. Not at this hour, you aren't," is Sayaka's wry answer to if Yuliana's interrupting something. "At least, not with my sleep schedule." She adds, jokingly, then pauses.
"But hey, it's good to hear from you, Yuli," She manages to say, and she really does mean it. "Something on your mind? Or did you just want to chat?" She follows up.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"The time difference is quite brutal, isn't it!" Yuliana laughs, and if her laughter peaks a little too much -- well, that's not unusual, for Yuliana. "I didn't want to leave it too much later, given the hour it is over there."
That's a lie, too; she didn't think for a second about what kind of hour it was in Fujinomiya. But lies make them look good, so why not keep doing it?
Besides, Sayaka... actually sounds pleased to hear from her.
There's something on her mind, but it's not what she says. She has to finish what she started -- "Well, you see, we've brought a few more Callers into the Castle, recently," Yuliana explains, leaning back against the chair, and looking over to her phone. One leg crosses over the other, as she says: "There are a lot of people getting scared of NUNE, lately. I've always tried to help people where they are, but... well, some people value safe walls over their hometown. Especially people who don't really have one. A few of the Cyber-Newtypes we rescued... well, one of them is, how should I say this -- an early model? Early eighties, like me... I think they started work on her in '80."
The One Year War...
She notes, distantly, that she's overusing 'well'. Get a different filler word; that's starting to sound suspicious. "Anyway, this woman -- Salvacion -- she sounds a lot like I do, when I'm not... right in the head. What's in her head... doesn't entirely agree with what's in the world, I think. We only got her out pretty recently, and... mm..." Yuliana pauses, worrying at her bottom lip with one too many teeth. "She needs help," Yuliana settles on, "but I don't... I'm not entirely sure what to do. Said she wanted to outrun her demons, and all I could really do about that was show her how to work the treadmill... which is one of those coping mechanisms, I guess, but it won't fix it. Leina said... maybe you'd have some ideas."
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
"It really is," Sayaka laughs in turn. "You should consider yourself lucky... if you waited any longer, I might've already clocked out by then." She jokes, and then glances over at the boiling teapot. "I appreciate the thought, though. I'm off tomorrow, so I don't mind staying up a little later to talk." Even if that was a lie on Yuliana's part, maybe a positive response will encourage her to genuinely pay more attention to it next time...
Yuliana explains that they have brought more people to the Silent Castle, and Sayaka gives her a hesitant look before nodding. Yuliana calls the walls of the Silent Castle 'safe' and while Sayaka isn't sure how true that is from experience, she can understand some would choose it over persecution from NUNE. "It's difficult, with the amount of surveillance NUNE is able to muster these days." She says, as to helping people where they are.
Cyber-Newtypes... rescuing them is Cathedra's duty now, but people will always slip through the cracks. "She sounds like you, huh? Ahh... now I see what you mean." That Yuliana is able to admit she emphasizes, but also doesn't know how to handle the situation herself, feels like a step. "I'd like to be able to help her, if at all possible." Sayaka agrees. "And as you know, coping mechanisms can help, but you're right. In the long-term, Salvacion's probably going to need a lot more support than just those."
"Something like therapy." She independently arrives to a similar conclusion to Leina, that this might... help encourage Yuliana to go back. "I think if it's like you say, that Salvacion's thoughts aren't always lining up with reality, the first step is helping her understand what exactly she's going through. What those 'demons' are. And then build a plan to confront them, like you did." She does empathize that these are things Yuliana learned, too.
She tilts her head, when Yuliana mentions that this is Leina's idea, though. "Oh, yeah? Last time, it sounded like you got in a big argument. I'm glad you're listening to her, though." Oh, Sayaka has no idea.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Oh? Then it's a good thing I'm so fortunate today!" Yuliana makes sure her smile is firmly affixed, even as she listens to Sayaka and thinks that if she'd just been more thoughtful to her wife...
"It's quite hard," Yuliana agrees. "We've been able to maintain an email network so they can communicate a little more freely, but Letda tells me it's constantly being attacked. We can never be sure if NUNE's agents have infiltrated it, either..." Even if NUNE isn't inside the network, though, that doesn't necessarily mean her people are free of surveillance. They came from the REA, and that's where they learned all their lessons.
But at least it's not NUNE's surveillance.
"Yeah," Yuliana sighs, and if it's a little more beleagured and frustrated than it ought to be, don't worry about it. "I think... one of the women who came here is a child psychologist, but... well, Salvacion's a few years older than me, so I don't see how that would help." Never mind that some children's therapies work very well with trauma that deep-seated; it's embarrassing to say that. "I..."
She falls quiet, for a moment. She doesn't think she can reproduce what the PPL did for Salvacion, because...
It's not that it's not safe. She's perfectly safe.
Instead of finishing her sentence, she frowns, switching to another. "I should listen a little less," she mutters, darkly, the resentment slipping out as she tries to enforce another truth on her mind.
She fixes her smile back on, though, and explains: "But it's fine! She's still upset with me, so I'll just leave her alone. That's the proper thing to do! She was at least considerate enough to help me with this little problem. Well," stop it, she thinks, stop saying 'well,' she's saying it too much, it sounds so fake, "that is, she suggested just dumping her on your lap, so maybe that's for the best?"
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Sayaka's smile remains, when Yuliana calls herself fortunate, even if she's really thinking about someone else when she says that. "How are... things going at home?" She asks, out of complete coincidence. It is a concern of hers - and the fact that Yuliana is so cheerful today, she knows that can be a coping mechanism of its own.
Yuliana goes into a little more detail about the situation with NUNE and the Silent Calling's network, and Sayaka nods. She feels a little bad for Parminder single-handedly carrying this operation... but not TOO bad. "It sounds like it's for the best to play it carefully, then." She says, instead. "Worrying about yourselves is one thing, but when you're taking people under your wing now..." She just hopes it really is safer for them in the Castle.
Yuliana is putting in the effort, but it's not like her frustration escapes Sayaka's notice. Whether it's because Salvacion is a Cyber-Newtype, or because she reminds Yuliana too much of her own trauma, or both... Sayaka doesn't really comment on.
"It's better than nothing. But I think it's probably for the best Salvacion has an environment... outside the Silent Castle for this." She very delicately adds. Perfectly safe, right?
The mention of Leina gets a bitter frown from Yuliana, and Sayaka pauses for a moment. "...Why?" She asks. "What happened this time?" She can think of a few reasons why Yuliana might be upset about something Leina told her. All of them have to do with Elisa. But she thinks it's probably better for Yuliana to talk about it instead of stewing in it, even if she says it's fine.
If Yuliana is self-conscious about the amount of bridge words in her speech, Sayaka doesn't pick up on it. It isn't really that unnatural in Japanese. She does take a breath at Yuliana's wording of it being a problem to dump on Sayaka's lap. "I don't think of it that way," Sayaka starts. "If we're the best option available, I'd be happy to help her out. Especially since... it's gone beyond just the Photon Power Labs now." Saving Newtypes is one of Satellicon's stated goals after all.
"Are you satisfied with just that?" She adds. "It's not like... you want to send her away, just because she reminds you of yourself... right?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Fine!" Yuliana volunteers, a shade too quickly, a shadow too pressured. "Everything's wonderful. My Elisa took me on a lovely trip to a volcanic island for my birthday... why, she even brought back some of the goats. Birthday goats!" It's good, everything's good, she's being so nice. "And she was so pleased to see the Muse Malu 4 working well... ever since I came back, she's been..." Lying should be easy, "so nice."
If she sounds a little faint, surely it's just because she ran out of breath.
(Don't worry about Parminder. He has his very own team of cyber-terrorists to help him out.)
"... it might paint more of a target on our back," Yuliana allows, "but this is still the safest place for us. My Elisa would never let anything harm us, here." She's never been harmed, here. But she says that only to herself; if she said it out loud, Sayaka would get suspicious.
"But... maybe, in her case... it would be better," she allows, quietly. "I don't want to get you in trouble, but... but she does need a lot of help."
Her smile grows tense, as she insists: "Nothing happened. She's just a troublesome girl. Her manipulations upset my wife, so if she wants to be a brat and hold a grudge, it's better for the both of us if I just stop trying." She says it like it's Leina's fault, but... the way she mentions Elisa might paint another picture.
She draws in a breath through her teeth, and releases it. "... yeah," she says, less irate in her next breath. "I'm satisfied with that. I... she does remind me of myself," Yuliana admits, rubbing at her arm with a hand. "But it's not like I want to send her away because of that, or anything. I... just thought it would be nice if... she got fixed." And if she sounds a little wistful about it, it's certainly not because she thinks she'll never be fixed.
"That's all I had to say," she says. "I'd bring her up to meet you, but... it's not a good idea right now. I'll give her your number later, she can get introduced... I guess it would be pretty rough if we just set up the transfer without involving her at all. Just like a handoff between labs. So..."
She knows she'd better cut this off before Sayaka starts prying. She should hang up right now, so she can at least mostly tell her wife she didn't spread any gossip about their private life this time. She just --
She just finds herself trailing off, instead of pushing the knife in.
This used to be so much easier.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
"Oh, happy belated birthday. I'm... glad you had a good time." Sayaka smiles, when Yuliana brings it up. Void goats, huh... Sayaka doesn't think too hard about that, and whether it's too dangerous or not to let Lisa know about it. But she's worried about Yuliana right now. It's hard to tell if Yuliana's lying, but the fact that what made her happy is once again related to a mobile weapon...
Yuliana's quick to point out how their actions with the Silent Calling put a target on their own back. "While I'm sure they're trying their utmost, it's not NUNE I'm worried about harming you there, no." Sayaka confirms. But then who is she worried about?
As for Salvacion... "I don't think we'll get in trouble. She's just as much a victim of as anyone... and it's the least we can do to help her out." Sayaka assures Yuliana. "Have you suggested the idea to her, yet? That is to ask... is she open to the idea of going to therapy?" That would do a lot to inform her approach, but considering they have a support group at the Silent Castle...
Nothing happened, Yuliana insists. Sayaka's eyebrow furrows, as she feels she's being talked around. "Manipulation? Is that really how you feel?" Or are those Elisa's words? Sometimes, the line blurs so much, it's impossible to tell. Sayaka sighs, her eyes starting to look a touch tired. "...I don't think she would try so hard, if it was nothing more than a petty grudge. Nor would it be so upsetting if that was it."
Sayaka does notice Yuliana putting those breathing exercises to good use, and her tone noticeably soften with it. "All right. I thought I'd double check... in case there was anything left unsaid." Sayaka nods, when Yuliana confirms she's satisfied. As for their similarities... Yuliana's hopes are that Salvacion can be 'fixed'. "It's a chance everyone deserves to have, no matter where they came from, or what their living situation looks like." Sayaka agrees. "...I hope you don't forget that."
"Sounds like a plan," Sayaka agrees, tone professional. "Yeah. That's why I wanted to know if she was aware or open to it. I hope it all goes smoothly," She nods. It starts to feel a little awkward, like usually Yuliana would have a lot more to say. Or that she would say it differently. Sayaka blinks. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Don't worry!" Yuliana assures Sayaka, when she clarifies she isn't worried about NUNE. "Our environment may be quite hostile, but the cold can't touch us inside. Our network of fireplaces keeps things quite cosy!"
Is that... what Sayaka meant?
Surely, that's what Sayaka meant.
She frowns, though, when Sayaka asks if she's raised the idea with Salvacion yet. "Mmm... no," she says, sounding a hair uncomfortable with it. Perhaps she's realised it was unkind to presume? "There was never a good chance to propose it. I only spoke to Leina a few days ago. And I haven't been well. If she knows what's good for her, she'll be grateful," she adds, sullenly, her frills flapping at either side of her head. "I'll be angry if I've gone through all this for nothing."
It's obviously not her fault, but... it's easier to blame her.
"Of course it's how I feel," Yuliana insists, still sullen. "Leina -- Leina wants my Elisa to leave me. But do you know how awful that really feels? Even if it's just for a day..." Her voice and her lips start wobbling, a little, before she fixes her expression in place again. "She knows what she's trying to trick me into, and she's still doing it. She should be more careful." Or... what?
Even if the OCU declared a truce with them tomorrow, it would still be impossible for Yuliana to return. She's put her wife through enough grief... as it is.
She falls silent, for a while, thinking of whether there's anything else. Of course there is; her heart aches for it. But what she says, at length, is a mild: "... I've done enough already."
Enough... good, reaching out on Salvacion's behalf? Or...
(She's done enough damage to her poor wife.)
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Sayaka isn't a fan of the cold of the Arctic, either, but that's absolutely not what she meant.
Yuliana was all smiles about how great things were just a few moments ago, but now she's quick to invoke how she hasn't been so well. Sayaka frowns. "That's not what you told me when I asked," Sayaka points out, but not out of disbelief. No, she believes it more than her previous story.
She sounds more optimistic about the matter with Salvacion. "Here's hoping. I think even if it was for 'nothing'... it's always worth trying to help someone who needs it. So thank you for telling me, regardless." Which might explain why Sayaka is still on the other end with Yuliana right now.
Leina wants Elisa to leave Yuliana... is that the order she put it? This conversation is quickly going down a dangerous path and Sayaka knows it. "She's a meddler, it's true. And it is important to be careful about meddling." Sayaka concedes about Leina. "But... I don't think she'd suggest something if she thought it would hurt you."
"...Still, it's not that strange for people to spend a day apart from their spouse, is it? You've done it before." She misses Koji if she hasn't seen him that long, sure, but... not to THIS extent. It... does feel like a regression from Yuliana compared to when she willingly spent time in Japan apart from Elisa.
...But perhaps Sayaka is focusing too much on Yuliana alone. And not Elisa's reaction to her staying here. The somewhat awkward silence continues, and Sayaka lets Yuliana take her time in answering. "Are you sure?" She double-checks. 'Done enough'... part of her worries about that wording. "If you change your mind, or want to talk again, you know that my offer still stands." Sayaka reinforces. "But if that's all you have to say... I hope you have a good evening." By now, it's just about midnight in Japan.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I -- I mean --" There's an edge of panic to her eyes and her tone, as she insists: "That's not what I meant!"
She doesn't say what she did mean.
"Sure," she says, more reticient, when Sayaka thanks her. It's... hard for her to feel good about the gratitude. If she hadn't been so worried about this woman, she would never have insisted Leina call her up... and if she hadn't had Leina speak to her, Leina would have never said those awful things.
And her wife wouldn't be so upset.
"I guess she didn't mean to," is all Yuliana can allow, on Leina. "But she's always so selfish. She just wants me to be what she wants me to be." Is that what Yuliana thinks, or --
Her breath hitches, when Sayaka points out she's left her wife for more than a day, before. "That's right," she says, softly. "There's no harm in it... no harm at all. Really, it's very considerate..."
She blinks, and swallows something down.
"The evening will be good," she says, thinly. "My Elisa assured me we'd talk at dinner. Once I had some time to sort out my feelings... she could see how much Leina upset me. Of course she wouldn't want to crowd me, when Leina had made such awful accusations as that... and I guess it was hard for her, hearing what I did after I'd been clinging to her for days. I'm just not such a considerate woman," she whispers, even though the reason she couldn't talk to Salvacion might make a lot more sense suddenly. She falls silent, feeling her heart hammer, in her chest.
A minute later, she grimaces, and bites out: "Tch, I'm rambling. I'll -- see you," she cuts off whatever spiteful little thing she was about to say, consciously reminds herself to add: "Thanks. See you."
She leans forward, and ends the call.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Yuliana insists that it isn't what she meant, and the panic is more than recognizable to Sayaka... she frowns, but that panic might be why she doesn't ask for clarification on what she really meant. Especially when she's so hesitant to accept her gratitude in the first place.
"She's not the only person who wants you to be a certain way." Is all Sayaka can say in response to Yuliana's complaints about Leina, though she doesn't explicitly single out, say, her wife as one of those people. She's simply encouraging Yuliana to introspect about it.
Yuliana just repeats that there's no harm in leaving at times, and Sayaka slowly nods, though she wouldn't agree it's being considerate as much as something that's just a basic boundary in a relationship.
"Is that what happened?" Sayaka shakes her head, at the idea of Yuliana just not being a considerate woman. Of course, she understands why she was so distant about Salvacion, but it sounds like... things are a lot more tense in that castle than she let on earlier. "...Good luck with that talk. I hope it goes well for you."
Through that silence, Yuliana seems to decide she said too much and reaches to hang out. "Good night, Yuliana. Take care." The call is over, and Sayaka just kind of slumps back on the couch, to just, let out the BIGGEST sigh, before she carries herself over to bed.
She really wishes she could still make this situation better in a tangible way, but... she won't turn down helping Salvacion, even if she didn't feel Yuliana's safety was on the line. She is her own person, after all. She'll get started on that this coming week.