2024-06-16: .and all these thorns inside my hearT
- Log: .and all these thorns inside my hearT
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Sayla Mass
- Where: The Photon Power Labs
- Date: 2024-06-16
- Summary: Yuliana speaks to her mother over breakfast, who reassures her that Elisa won't do her any physical harm, and asks that she work things out with her wife. Unsettled, she can't quite stomach breakfast... which is where Sayla finds her. Yuliana explains the situation to her, but when Sayla tries to expand on Lucine's thorny metaphor, Yuliana takes it personally and flees the scene. (CW: Domestic abuse)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana is listless, sitting in the mess hall as she waits for the cafeteria to open. Her phone is active -- but the babushka captured by the camera on the other end isn't Elisa, for once.
"... mama," Yuliana sighs, speaking Zaftran despite the Japanese men around her, "can you... keep the boys away, when I first get back? It's just," her voice and her eyes lower, "Elya..."
"Of course," Sashenka assures her, gently. "She hasn't treated you cruelly, has she? I know you said..."
"There are no problems!" Yuliana snaps, glaring at the camera and straightening up -- before she sinks back down. "... there are no problems," she says, again, quietly. "I thought there might be... but I just got mixed up. It's... it's me. I'm the problem. I wanted to come back and fix it, but Elya said I should stay, since I said it was important... I just don't want the boys to have to see me explain. I'm ashamed, mama."
"She's giving you space to work on it..." Sashenka sighs, shaking her head. "It sounds a little tense," she says, calmly. "It can be difficult to marry a forceful presence. I know... your father was the same way. But I've assessed her myself, my daughter," she goes on, with a serious expression etched into the many lines of her face. "She won't strike you in anger, nor in correction. She poses no danger to you... except, perhaps, your delicate spirit. You were always a fragile girl, Yulya, and there's no shame in that."
"I know," Yuliana says, a hand grasping at her opposite arm, crossed over her CEREAL KILLER band shirt. (A comedic punk band from the early 90s -- with some surprisingly insightful commentary.) Of course what her mother says is true; she knows her wife would never lay a hand on her. And Sashenka values that so highly, and who is Yuliana to go against her mother's will?
Sashenka smiles, overlaid with concern. "Elyushka wishes to protect you, delicate as you are. I just think sometimes she is confounded by how. You must give her a little grace, as well. She is... a cultural outsider, but I can tell her intentions are true. I know you're facing some challenges -- and it would have been easier," she can't help but add, "if your wife were a little less alien -- but you need a strong woman beside you, Yulya. You've grown so unpopular... I don't like you going out there, so often. What if there's another kidnapping attempt?"
"I wanted to come home," Yuliana whines, morose, "but Elya said..."
"I know," her mother assures her, gently. "But you must try to make peace in your heart, my daughter. If you war with your own combat friend, any force could take you... even as strong as you are. It's a normal part of marriage."
"Yes, mama," Yuliana says, gaze downcast. She looks up, though, with the sound of a rattle. "Ah... the cafeteria's open..."
"Go and eat," Sashenka urges her daughter. "I love you, Yulya."
"I love you, too," Yuliana says, though her own smile is thin. When she gets up to get her breakfast, of course the first thing she does when she sits back down is to send a photo to her wife -- with herself in frame, naturally. The attached message says it looks good, but...
... a few minutes later, another message joins the first, a stark contrast to Yuliana's usual love of food.
> Its good, but I'm just not very hungry...
She puts her phone back down on the table, and tries to force down another mouthful of rice, though she finds her chopsticks are a little shaky. The food isn't difficult to eat -- Japanese breakfasts might mimic dinner foods, but the style is light and the portions small -- and yet she feels a horrible pressure at the back of her throat, anyway.
Her mother believes her wife -- believes in her wife. And isn't she right to do so...? Elisa might not have sent that girl who cared so much for her wretched Dianthus, but in a way, she really may as well. It just proves what Yuliana knew -- what her mother knew -- that the issue is within herself. She's a thorny woman... and it hurt her wife.
Yuliana shudders, and swallows down her boiled rice, resenting the entire offering.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla's been visiting Fujinomiya more, not less, in recent months. Visiting old friends has become a much more regular occurrence, now that the Villa is a much emptier nest. Sure, there are drop ins, and Leina and she alternate weekends visiting each other, but...
Well, it's good for her to get back into practice of having a social life and not isolating herself.
Today, however, had a business component too. 0099s interns for the Yumi Foundation were getting into the swing of it, so a meeting with a regular foundation collaborator made sense, even if it was harder to organize than it had been a few years ago. And it's good for the director to go and be visible and get an idea of who is who.
Now, though, the kids were on the tour and Sayla was sneaking off for a bit of a break. Val had assured her she'd made contact with Boss Ramen to handle lunch for the throng, so Sayla's plan was just to get a coffee and decompress. After all... she's been behind the scenes here a lot.
That had been the plan, until she'd overheard a fairly heavy conversation in Zaftran, and took a slow, deep breath.
She took a second to get said coffee- discreetly taking some paracetamol as she waits- and then walked towards Yuliana. It's not like neither of them can really not notice the others presence, after all.
"May I join you, Mrs. Kafim?" Sayla asks, softly and politely. "It's no insult if you'd rather I didn't, of course." She pauses for a moment.
"But if you'd like someone to talk to, the offer is there. Or just someone to sit silently nearby."
This is painful for Sayla, of course. But she's doing decently at masking it, while she waits for the painkillers to kick in and maybe make it easier.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana's head turns before Sayla speaks up -- because, yes, it's impossible to miss an absence THAT vast. Nothing is screaming out, around that woman, just like her daughter and her...
... what IS Judau to Sayla, anyway? Whatever he is, he's -- the space around him is -- the worst of the lot.
(Not that she's as inclined to judge them about that, these days, she reminds herself as she corrects her train of thought. Does it say something that she has to remind herself?)
"Oh," Yuliana says, and the volume that could occupy her voice has currently fled elsewhere, for some reason. She doesn't think anyone here could understand her conversation, which might be why she had it so freely. "... sure."
She uses a leg to politely push out a chair on the other side of the table, because the reminder has also put in her mind that Sayla tends to struggle sitting beside her. She might not suffer so much over there, so long as she doesn't decide to drape over the table, which would be her own fault, really.
Why, she wonders to herself, realising she's thinking of it like that, is she being so spiteful...?
"I guess you weren't expecting to see me now," she starts, lamely, instead. "... Leyasha convinced me to stay longer, but it was a bad idea. I was going to go home yesterday, but... my wife encouraged me to stick to the plan, since I said it was important. She thought it would be better if I finished the treatment, so... so, a few more days."
She looks down at her slice of fish. "There might be trouble," she adds, dour, as she pokes her chopsticks at it without ever quite just taking some, "but I didn't mean to."
Oh no.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
It's a good question. The discussion there has yet to take place, for one reason or another. Let's go with 'her daughter's brother'. Or 'housemate', maybe? It's a complex situation.
And, perhaps, how much the hardships of the past 30 years have aged Sayla mentally that this is a consideration.
Sayla takes the offered seat, and situates herself comfortably. "I mean, the odds of us overlapping exactly are unlikely, even if we're in the same building. Let's just chalk it up to the whims of chance and timing, shall we?"
Sayla is quiet, listening as she sips her coffee, trying for all the world to act like this is just a conversation, as normal as any other. "...I see. That's a difficult position to be in." Sayla says, quietly. She can already see, perhaps, the crux of the problem- especially with what she overheard. Countermanding Elisa would elicit a strong reaction in trying to validate Yuliana, and trying to validate Elisa would... be a different problem. "It's... reasonable to struggle in such a situation."
Still, at the mention of trouble, Sayla remains calm and collected. "...Ah. That's... really difficult to have to have to deal with." She doesn't ask any questions, or probe further. She simply leaves empty air, waiting to see if Yuliana will continue.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Given the relative age of Earth's population, Yuliana and Sayla are surprisingly venerable to have survived to their thirties.
"Mm," Yuliana hums, nodding mildly, when Sayla suggests it's chance. She doesn't have much fight in her, today, evidently. The crux of the problem... well, she thinks she's identified it, too.
Even when she scowls, it's a vague sort of expression. "I know it's difficult to deal with me," she sulks, though that's not what Sayla said. "But I didn't search her out. I... I was... making a fool of myself in the art room," she says, poking at her fish with her chopsticks some more, "I guess the door didn't close properly when Alectros left... since that girl heard me and wandered in. The... I don't know her name. I've only ever really met her on the field, um -- her unit's the Dianthus. I... I got scared, so I suppose I demanded who she was and how she got in here... and she started yelling, saying how we'd stolen her suit and gotten it dirty, demanding to know how my wife found her, insisting we came in the same way... my Elisa crossed her path a few times, I suppose. She kept yelling at me for that... I didn't even know who she was. I saw her once, I think, if I remember right... just the once, outside of battle."
Yuliana takes a deep breath, a heavy sigh, as she mauls her fish into tiny little pieces. She still hasn't eaten any; it's getting cold. "I thought my wife must have sent her... I was so stupid. I just curled up and... and that girl told me how Elisa was trying. Trying to understand relationships... why she'd ever let her man out of her sight. That girl said my wife was making a big step, trying to understand, but if I went back, I'd ruin all Elisa's progress... since I'm a cactus of a woman, and my thorns were stabbing us both. That girl said I didn't love myself... and I couldn't use Elisa's love as a substitute for that. She even said -- she even said she was using our marriage as a model to inform the flaws in her relationship, as if --"
She stops, and her eyes shut, tightly, as deliberately she places her chopsticks at the edge of her plate. The reason why is expressed in the tightness of her fists, as they ball up. She's... trying not to break anything in the process of breathing through it, in-two-three-four out-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten.
"... I told her to leave," she says, at length, "and rang my wife to apologise for hurting her so. That girl... let me know how lonely she was... how selfish I was being. But even though I was going to come back, my Elisa advised me to stay... she just wants me to have what I need." She takes another breath, and adds: "... but I don't know who she'll tell. So... it might be an inconvenience... I wasn't trying to be found out."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
The Dianthus doesn't ring an instant bell for Sayla, but after a few moments, Sayla can put a place to the name. A newtype who kept turning up against the Banshee while Leina was brainwashed by Martha, one of the Nadesicos. "...I think I might know who you mean." She says, quietly. But pushing back on how Yuliana's interpreting seems... fraught to Sayla right now. Just adjust your words even more carefully going first. "That's a reasonable reaction for someone unexpected walking in when you thought you were somewhere private." Sayla's voice remains calm, quiet, measured as ever. Sayla doesn't have anything to fidget with in the same way- and it would be too obvious a mirroring. She shifts both hands to her coffee, and sips slowly again.
She waits for Yuliana to steady herself. She waits for her to finish talking. She lets Yuliana say everything she needs. And then she finally speaks up.
"I don't think you have to worry about her telling anyone." Sayla says, quietly. "She's... someone who Koji and Sayaka trust enough to let her in deep enough to that space. She... wouldn't invite trouble for Koji and Sayaka." She's fairly firm on that, it seems to be the right approach. She can't just make Yuliana trust the girl, after all. "And I doubt she's any friend to the New United Nations Earth. I don't think trouble will be coming from her, but I think I understand why you'd be concerned."
Sayla sips again, tightening her grip on the mug. Maybe pointless, but... worth a try. The next knot... well. She wishes she simply cut it, but that's not how this works. "...I can understand your concern for your wife's loneliness, Mrs Kafim. But- and I don't pretend to know your wife's mind, I am just speaking my own thoughts- from what you say of your wife, she would want what's best for you, wouldn't she? If you can get the help you need," This is going to take a bit of careful phrasing. "Then you won't have to keep coming here and going back. Your wife seems to me the sort to be able to withstand short term pain for a better long term outcome. She wants what's best for you, and I have no reason to believe you doubt that." Weaselish wording. Maybe a touch too flippant. Right the train.
"...I can understand, I think, what it is to be lonely, yet want what is best for your loved ones- if not to the extent your wife feels for you. That loneliness is nothing compared to the joy felt when they return, a little more healed." Dr Mass has always been good at sounding convincing. She hopes her years of practice will carry her through. She seems to be speaking earnestly, after all, to more than two decades separation over the years.
"This girl..." Sayla avoids naming her, assuming she's got the right person. "...I'm not sure what to say, Mrs Kafim. That must have been very confronting for you." She looks... concerned. "That talk of spikes... though."
Sayla takes a long, slow time to think on this. "...Where I grew up, cactuses were pretty prominent." Sayla says, seemingly going on a tangent. "Apparently they were brought over in the dark ages and grew. As kid, I didn't know what they were, and got spiked pretty badly. But those spikes are for protection, they grow them to protect themselves, after all." She looks up at Yuliana's face- but doesn't force her into eye contact. "I'm sorry, this must seem meandering but... once you are aware of the spikes, a cactus is just as any other plant. If you take the time to learn where your spikes are, you can ensure your wife's hands are safe, if that makes any sense?"
Sayla takes a long breath, then offers a gentle smile. "Take it from a thistle."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I... I guess," Yuliana frowns, looking down at her plate. "I didn't think of that." That Sayaka might have trusted her, even though she said she was here to repair her suit. She just -- didn't see how she could trust that explanation, when she thought Elisa had sent Lucine to speak with her.
She thought such awful things... about her wife.
"She does want what's best for me," Yuliana insists. "But I put her through more pain, just, just because... Leyasha made me tell the doctors," her shoulders sink, as she tries to escape the blame. "He said he was concerned... but he'd not have been if I hadn't said such awful things. My Elisa, she already puts up with so much when I leave so often... and then I wanted to stay away for even longer, and to listen to people say the most awful things!" Emotion finally cuts into her voice, as she tears up. "It's unfaithful," she says, and says with full conviction.
Her sense of unease doesn't fade, as Sayla starts talking about cactuses. "... I know," she insists, lips pressing into a thin line. Don't cry in the mess hall, don't you DARE cry in the mess hall -- "I know. I'm thorny. I hurt people. I hurt my wife. I have to fix myself so I'll stop -- hurting her -- I know. I'm careless... isn't that right? I don't think about -- anything -- I just do what I want, without thinking about how she feels. I have to do that for her, but she doesn't even like me being here, and, and I--!"
She bites down on her lip, and the extra fang to her right beads red against her lip. At once Yuliana snatches up her phone and stands, pushing herself from the table. "I'm not hungry," she insists, as she turns. "See you, Doctor." They had better not notice that she's hurrying out, or else they might get the wrong impression.
It's so... embarrassing.