2024-02-07: Photon Therapy! Do Yuliana's Methods Need Adjusting!?
- Log: Photon Therapy! Do Yuliana's Methods Need Adjusting!?
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Sayaka Yumi
- Where: The Photon Power Labs
- Date: 2024-02-07 (ICly June 0098)
- Summary: After six months of development, the Photon Power Labs have developed a new type of therapy to help Yuliana -- but Yuliana panics as soon as she hears it's going to 'mess with her brain'. Sayaka steps in to talk her down before she can cave someone's head in, and when she accepts that this treatment isn't the same as the REA's mistreatment, she asks Sayaka a personal question: does she not wish to live in the Void? Her efforts to accommodate Sayaka's feelings lead to a discussion of that Void, the Woman within it, and her relationship with Her. And, naturally, the issue of whose name to take in marriage.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq4-IYNtpdo Icon for Hire - Brittle
June is underway, and Yuliana has returned to the PPL again. After six months of study and investigation, the Photon Power Labs have a decent understanding of Yuliana's underlying neurochemical and neurobiological structure, and plans have finally come together on how they might affect change in those systems.
Namely: Photonic Neuromodulation Therapy, a non-invasive treatment model which draws on older models of electrical neuromodulative therapies, combining them with the unique properties of Photon Power. By sending alternating pulses of Photon Power through electrodes affixed to the area, the resting membrane potential of the nerves or neurons targeted are affected -- either decreasing or increasing their activity. And Photonic Neuromodulation Therapy has particular applications with the brain, leaving aside its potential as a pain therapy in the peripheral nervous system, owing to Photon Power's unique capacity to respond to passion -- which their scientists believe could be used to combat various diseases of avolition and anhedonia.
Everyone was feeling pretty good about landing on this option. Except...
"GET AWAY FROM ME!"
... now, they have to sell it to Yuliana.
And presently, she's pressed against the wall of the medical bay, wielding a massive oxygen tank as a cudgel to ward the staff away. It's huge, and heavy, and could definitely cave someone's skull in. Amongst the people giving her space is Dr. Noburu Kimura, who stands well away as he holds up his hands. "Yuliana, let me explain," he says, keeping his voice even. "This isn't an operation. It simply involves placing electrodes onto your skull and passing a Photon current through them."
"So you want to KILL ME?!" Yuliana yells, quite upset.
"No -- no, no, the level of power is only enough to activate your brain cells. We want to be able to help your brain heal by..."
"Oh, I get it!" Yuliana yells, hefting her tank. "You want to program me! You want to -- to turn me against my wife! I should have known you'd start brainwashing me eventually -- but you stupid idiots went ahead and told me! Idiots! You're supposed to just do it!"
"Yuliana," Noburu sighs, "have I ever done anything to you without explaining what it was and what it would do?"
"Well -- no, but... but I know what neuro means! My wife is a xenoneurologist, you know!" Yuliana snaps, and that momentary hesitation only ends with her tightening her grip. "I know what happens when people fuck with my brain!"
The sound carries out into the hall, so everyone knows how well this is going.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Though Photon Power first felt the spotlight through the power demonstrated by the Mazinger Corps in the Mycenaean War, it has long been a dream of this institution to utilize such "miracle" energy for times of peace. Though that dream was largely realized through free, clean energy, its properties make it ideal for many other purposes - including medical ones. And while Sayaka Yumi may now be engaged, it seems she hasn't taken much in the way of time off from their latest project...
As she is not a medical doctor, Sayaka wasn't responsible for overseeing the application of the Photonic Neuromodulation Therapy - but she did ensure it made sound use of the principles of photonic energy. And besides, she has a vested interest in making sure it's successful, so when she hears that arguing as she passes down the hall... she immediately takes a turn into the medical bay.
"Yuliana," she starts, watching Yuliana tighten her grip on that oxygen tank. "It sounds like you're having some trouble. Is everything all right?" Just from the outside context of overhearing, and the present scene, though, she quickly catches on. "Brainwashing? No, that's..." She looks towards Yuliana, and back towards Dr. Kimura. "Absolutely unacceptable. And if exposure to Photon Power was capable of brainwashing or reprogramming someone... first I'd hear of it after all these years." She tries. "This is just supposed to be a new form of therapy. Something that can help you, just like Dr. Mikamura's breathing exercises. It can't do anything your brain wasn't already capable of." She explains. "That said... I can't make you try something you don't want to. So if you don't mind, Dr. Kimura, we'll take a break for now. And... please let go of the oxygen tank, Yuliana?" It'd be absurd to actually use that thing like a weapon, but Sayaka has seen first-hand what Yuliana is capable of. "Let's take a seat over here and just... calm down a little before anything else." Sayaka beckons, to a group of seats over in the waiting room.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"You, too?!" Yuliana barks, when Sayaka steps in. "Don't think I won't--!"
And, well, she might have. Certainly she's capable of it, with how easily she's toting that heavy canister. But Sayaka comes in and immediately starts trying to fix the issue, and Yuliana -- at least stops yelling at her first thing off the bat.
Which is, you know. A start. She was yelling pretty loudly.
She can't really say that she doesn't believe Sayaka would find it completely unacceptable, though. And it's true that she's never heard of Photon Power brainwashing anyone. (Not, she adds, immediately, that that doesn't mean it can't. In fact, no one knowing about it would just make it the best at --)
It's somewhere in the middle of her parenthetically reinforcing her paranoia that Sayaka reminds her of Rain, and Yuliana visibly takes a deeper and slower breath, as if she'd forgotten how to breathe at some point during all this. It's an improvement over the hyperventilation, anyway.
"Of course," Dr. Kimura nods, stepping back. "I'm sorry for upsetting you, Yuliana. I'd like to talk again, later."
"Mmn," Yuliana hums, noncommittally, but at least it's not another threat of violence. (She once told him she was going to rip off his arms and shove them down his throat if he ever touched her again. ... she apologised later, more or less.)
Once he and the other staff members have cleared out of the area -- everyone having eyes in their head and clearly able to see that The Director Herself has stepped in to de-escalate this situation -- Yuliana does, slowly, lower the tank back down. It's supposed to rest by the patient bed, but it goes further down, to clonk on the floor instead.
"... the latches broke off," Yuliana mumbles, because she just kind of ripped it off of its structural supports.
Her hands clasp together, tentacles wrapped about her waist, as she goes to sit in one of the chairs of the waiting room. (She tucks her frills back behind her ears, too.) "I..." She starts, looking away. "I panicked," she settles on stating the obvious, and even she can hear how lame it sounds.
"It's really not going to mess with my head...?" She asks, and perhaps she didn't absorb the way Dr. Kimura tried to tell her that they're hoping to increase her stability, the first time. The Orchid Cells changed the structure of Yuliana's brain -- making some parts too sensitive, and leaving others underutilised. She's biologically wired to perceive threats and respond, the way she is now. And with that alien colonisation and reshaping comes the way those cells have made her brain into an environment hospitable for their growth... which must, surely, make it easier for her to act as a conduit for the Void.
They can't remove the Orchid Cells, but they can at least try to encourage her brain to act a little more like a human brain. ... a healthy human brain, that is, because there are plenty of unhealthy brains which have similar problems to Yuliana's, without any alien cells in the mix. Maybe, one day, this type of therapy can help them too.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Sayaka has absolutely no doubt that Yuliana would. But she still steps into the medbay regardless, unfettered by the threat. Although with Yuliana as their guest, it feels like they need their equipment to be twice as heavy... at least it's a good sign that she stops yelling.
"Yes," Sayaka says, noticing Yuliana start to control her breathing at the mention of Rain. "Just like that." She encourages, before nodding towards Dr. Kimura as he begins to excuse himself. "Thanks. I'll take it from here."
"Ahh," Sayaka visibly sighs, at the sight of broken expensive lab equipment, but only lightly, because at least that lab equipment doesn't pose a threat anymore. "You don't need to worry about it. It's well within our budget to install a new one," she brushes it off, because it's not like that oxygen tank was in use. "But... I think this presents a good example, of why this might be so helpful." She gestures to the Photonic Neuromodulation equipment. "It's not like you mean to panic like this, right?"
Which provides a good bridge into Yuliana's next question. "It depends on how you define 'messing with your head'... but to put it simply, it won't make you do things you don't want to. It won't force you to turn against your wife." Sayaka answers, honestly. "Although your case is because of the unique properties of the Orchid Cells making it more difficult to adapt to this world, it's not like this kind of technology has never been tested before. It's commonly employed for chronic pain and epilepsy, among other things..." Perhaps Sayaka tries to avoid offending her, by neglecting to bring up the comparison that it's a common treatment for 80's-era Cyber Newtypes in recovery. "The use of Photon Power would be less-invasive than other methods, so it shouldn't hurt at all."
"...All that said," Sayaka starts, more quietly. "Scientific jargon aside, this is what you want, right? This isn't about... coaxing you away from your wife, or even defying the Empress or anything like that." Sayaka shakes her head. "Even if you keep the Orchid Cells for life, what I want for you right now is better quality of life. Because... whether the Empress likes it or not, this world as it is now belongs to you, too."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"No..." Yuliana says, remarkably more meek now she's not ready to murder a man. "I -- I didn't mean to."
... at least she didn't break the regulator, just the frame they were using to latch it to the bedside. If she'd broken the regulator which kept that high-pressure oxygen dispensed at low pressure, she'd be quite injured by now, and that would be difficult to bring to Elisa.
Yuliana clasps her hands together, in her lap, looking down at them as she listens to Sayaka's explanation. (And she is, in fact, still trying to Breathe Right. Who knew there was a way to breathe wrong?) "Okay... so long as it won't hurt. E--Elisa knows about it, right?" Of course, the Photon Power Labs do have a direct line of communication with Dr. Kafim. She answers all calls about her wife promptly, and she's far more equipped to absorb the technical aspects of this explanation. Of course, she's encouraged this effort to assist her wife, given the precautions they've taken to ensure its safety.
She's quiet, for a moment, as she tries to answer the next question. "... yes," she says, at length. "I--I want-- your help." And her legs clasp together, one foot hooking over the other to tap her boot against her jeans, as she says it. "It's just... hard, for me. These devices... remind me of Medical. I feel like it's happening again..." Her head lowers, and she rests her clasped hands against her forehead. "My wife got rid of the -- the commands they used to make me easy. But now, now I get angry and -- I can get angry. And I know it's not like that, I know you're not like that, it's just... I get emotional, and I don't think about what I know."
She takes another deep breath, and tries to straighten herself up, spreading her shoulders instead of hunching them over. This, too, is another one of those tricks she's been taught in therapy: if she curls up in a little ball, her body is telling her brain that she's in danger and needs to protect herself. Posture, apparently, matters.
"This world... I wish it didn't hurt," she murmurs, looking over to the far wall. And she falls silent, again, looking back down at her hands.
"..." Yuliana starts, lips parting for nothing at all. "Hey, Sayaka... personal question. You... still don't wish to live in that world, do you? The Void. That isn't... something you want. Is it?" And it doesn't sound like a disingenuous question; she's still quite raw, and with it comes a kind of honesty.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Sayaka just nods when Yuliana says she didn't mean to break anything, despite her murderous posture. It wouldn't do any help to insist as such, and that tends to be how Sayaka handles these interactions. "I just want you to be more careful in a place like this. It's meant to be a place of help, after all."
"I made sure Dr. Kafim was informed," Sayaka answers Yuliana promptly. "It was all part of the arrangement, after all. No matter what I've said about her, there's absolutely no reason to leave her in the dark about this." Elisa Kafim is an accomplished scientist, and more importantly, Yuliana's wife. Her insight is important.
"Okay," Sayaka nods, when Yuliana struggles to say that yes, she does want the help. "They are similar to the ones used by science crime facilities, there's no getting around that." She concedes. "I know it's going to scare you no matter what I say, but I think... it's important to distinguish the tool from the usage. If we don't learn from all the horrible ways people used these things to mistreat you, then we won't be able to treat you with the proper care. That's why I wanted to listen to what you had to say this whole time." Sayaka brushes the side of the coat, looking at the woman beside her more directly.
"Yeah. Try to think of it less like a command, and more just helping your body do what it needs to do, maybe?" Sayaka suggests, about how she gets emotional about the similarities to the REA's conditioning, even if it's not like that. "I can't just command you to get better. But I do wish this world didn't hurt for anyone, including you."
Silence falls again, and Sayaka cups her finger on her chin when Yuliana asks a personal question. Normally, Sayaka might just consider it a snide counter to her own sentiment and try to call Yuliana out for it. But from the tone of Yuliana's voice... she decides to engage it on its terms. "...I think I'd fight it to the very end," Sayaka answers, with an honesty of her own. "It's not a slight against you or your wife or anything, it's... just who I am." She continues. "Though you might call me hypocritical for disagreeing with a world ruled by energy, I just don't think it's right to take an entire world by force like that. And I'd rather not see such a change require your sacrifice, Yuliana."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I'm not exactly the careful type..." Yuliana mutters, before she glances away. "... but I'll... do what I can."
She is, at least, visibly relieved to hear that Elisa knows what's going on. No matter what doubts she might have about everyone else, her wife would never let her come to harm.
And she does manage to look back to Sayaka, eventually, as she works through the similarities of it all. (Distinguishing the tool from the usage... well, she thinks of something else, when she thinks about that.) "I guess..." She says, hesitant. "I... I can believe that. Okay. I'll... try to bear it."
She doesn't really have a confident view of her own capacity when it comes to her own resilience, does she?
And then -- she says she'd fight it, and Yuliana sighs, looking down to her hands again. "I... I believe that, too. Since that's how you feel... well, it might be possible for us to reserve the Way for the willing worthy. My Elisa said she was willing to pursue another angle, if it was really what I wanted... it was just hard for me to give it up, since I really wanted to save everyone." She takes another long breath, her expression dismal. "... but if you'd never stop fighting, that's hardly your salvation, is it? And I suppose Leina doesn't like it, either... and a few other people, I guess. Like -- I guess Koji would never much adapt, right? The way he yells about it..." She may be undercounting the opposition a little, but perhaps she's doing her best.
Yuliana shakes her head. "Well... I don't want to sacrifice that much, either," she adds, quietly. "Of course I'm willing to offer myself up, but -- you know, some things you recover from giving, and -- I can't recover from dying, not the way I am now. I suppose I won't always be this mortal, but... but right now, I am, and... it frightens me."
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
There's no denying that Yuliana isn't the careful type, but... "It's.. a learned skill," Sayaka informs her, with a slight smile. As for her hesitant agreement with Sayaka's logic, Sayaka regards her more slowly. "I just want you to think about it... is all." She says. "No one has a better understanding of how you feel about this than you, after all."
Honestly, Sayaka was expecting more of a defensive answer when she spoke her truth of how she felt about the Void... but Yuliana seems to accept her feelings on the matter.
And it just so happens that Elisa might have a 'solution'... well, Sayaka isn't even going to start on what makes a person 'worthy' in the first place, or who would be 'willing' - if consent for something so esoteric can really be informed.
"Is that really possible?" She asks, though. "I mean, even a failed attempt to open the gate permanently changed the entire North Pole." She points out - the gate hardly seems like one of precision. "It's a start, though... and it's better than forcing it on everyone." She concludes, though, giving Yuliana some credit. "Because Leina aside, I hardly think you're going to have Newtypes rallying to live in a world like that. And Koji, well..." She can't help but gaze down on her finger. "He's not just stubborn, he's loud. You'd never convince him in a thousand years."
Yuliana says that she's not looking to sacrifice herself in that way. "Good," Sayaka starts, but before she can really comment more on what's acceptable to sacrifice and what you must always keep... "What, you mean you'd end up immortal?" Sayaka has to ask, and perhaps it feels a touch more sad that Yuliana fears death so much. "Is that something you'd be okay with, too?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"It was... so strange," Yuliana reflects, distantly, "at the start, when my Elisa asked whether I was all right with this sort of thing. Not that it was strange for her -- but, after I got out... well, I expected questions of comfort to not really be about my comfort. You know? It was just easier for them to... work, if I wasn't feeling quarrelsome." Her eyes shut, briefly, against the recall. "But I want to try it," she insists, quietly. "Right? Since I want... it to be easier."
Perhaps it's hard for her to be too defensive, all stripped down past eight layers of paint like this.
Or maybe she was just shocked out of defending herself, and has gone right back to compliance.
This is a lab.
"Through the old methods," Yuliana says, on the topic of the North Pole. "Besides, it's not as if anyone lives there... and it wasn't like Second Impact, you know, it made the ice colder, so there wasn't any flooding." Is it a good sign that she at least manages to be a little defensive about it all, finally? Maybe! "If we left through a remote place like that, would it really be so bad..? Haa," she sighs, in defeat, her shoulders sinking again. "It's not like I was entirely happy with it, either... I could have fully reversed it, if I were just a little stronger. But, I was..."
A dark frown crosses over her face, as she remembers what happened the last time she tried to share it, and she finishes: "... nevermind."
(Sayaka certainly at least heard her in there, and saw her machine stumbling around all supported by those strange shadowy legs, so perhaps she can hazard a guess.)
She looks down, at her hands, dour. "I don't know," she mumbles, fingers trailing over her wedding ring. "I'm sure I'll get used to it. But I never much thought about -- the eternity afterwards. Of course we'll be happy... it will be beautiful. I won't have to hurt any more, when -- when I'm not stuck between worlds. But..." She spins the rose gold rings about her finger by their emeralds, as the onyx and diamonds catch the light. She reminds herself that Elisa soothed her nerves, after Kaworu set them off. "But you have to understand, I -- I'm married to someone who hasn't been human for a long time, even now a piece of Her's come back to Earth for me. My Elisa, and the Empress, they both... have a different perspective on... endings."
Yuliana lays one hand over the other, closing her eyes. "I used to think I was calloused about human life... but compared to her, I'm positively gentle. She's beautiful, but... even I can admit it isn't human. She can end someone's life without thinking about them at all. Really, she missed her calling in Special Forces..." Yuliana smiles, but even her warm feelings about her wife can't entirely override her unnerved expression. "... but even though she can end life so easily, hers is neverending. My Elisa is -- she's so stunning, she never has to think, staring down her sights, that the other guy might be faster. Haha... she doesn't even need the gun. She doesn't need to worry at all, though --" Yuliana bites her lip, "I wish she'd worry a little. She always grows further away, after she comes back. It takes so long to remind her I'm still here." So Elisa's eternal revivification isn't entirely without cost. Yuliana doesn't mean to say it, but she does, in a fashion.
"And I mean -- saying all that -- I must envy it, mustn't I? But I'm... smaller than she is, Yaka," there's that nickname, again, in the Zaftran fashion. "And I've faced death so much... of course I've had to make peace with the possibility. Since I'm human, I'm afraid... I won't know how to live a good life, if it doesn't stop, sometime. I don't know what I'd become. I don't -- I don't know how to even conceive of being endless. You see... humans are neither Gods nor Devils," sorry, Koji, she's borrowing your bit. "They're mortal... and just because I don't want to die, that doesn't mean I necessarily hate it, you know. It's the normal way for people to be." And Yuliana has always chased after what is normal, in her life, holding it on a pedestal. No wonder she'd be unnerved by going so far outside the norm, even if it is for love.
She shakes her head. "... but I'll get used to it, just as She did," she insists, again. "I want to be with my wife, after all."
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
"Yeah, I think I understand," Sayaka nods, when Yuliana explains her feelings about questions about comfort. "I'm not interesting in wearing you down until you're forced to listen to me, or something like that." However, she takes note that Yuliana's defiant spark seems completely snuffed out at this point...
Before flaring back up just a little bit as Yuliana decides to at least partially defend her actions at the North Pole. Sayaka finds this a little hard to skirt around because while she thinks Yuliana's logic is out of whack here, she's definitely not willing to try and argue that she should go back to trying to envoiden the entire world. "These things don't just exist in a vaccuum, Yuliana. The Earth is an integrated whole, not isolated parts... who can say how far its effects have been felt?" Sayaka makes her point, mildly. "But I get what you're saying. It's bad... but it could have been a whole lot worse. Even if you couldn't completely stop it, you were in enough pain already." Sayaka brushes off Yuliana's regret - as Sayaka is not here to reverse all of Yuliana's wrongdoings, but to help her move towards the future.
Sayaka is still wrapping her head around the 'eternity afterwards' as Yuliana speaks of her uncertainty about it. "Haaa, that's... I can't even begin to imagine that." Sayaka admits, her own eyes tracing past Yuliana's ring. "I mean, I think the whole reason we fight so hard for every day is because it won't last forever." But she listens to Yuliana's thoughts on the matter, how it's apparently a given it will be wonderful, yet the immortal woman she married is hardly human anymore. "She is the Empress at the End of All Things, after all..." Sayaka considers. "From what I can infer from her goals, the meaning of 'end' is little more than a new beginning. Is that right?" That kind of thinking... it almost makes Sayaka think of Rita Bernal, who would commit cruelties in the name of an eternal, understanding future where all are Newtypes.
And that lack of understanding makes way for a callousness towards human life. "So it's like... she's been enveloped in the Void for so long, she forgot how to be kind. But it must be different for you because she knows that one day you will live forever, too." Which makes the Empress's current lack of regard for Yuliana's life just a little more unsettling. "...Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm on the right track here."
And indeed what Yuliana says next, past all the gushing about how stunning Elisa is - reveals a lot. "Mmm... it's almost like Dr. Kafim has become her own person to the extent to her returning to her self would feel like losing her." Sayaka frowns.
"I don't think I'd envy it at least," Sayaka shakes her head, at promises of eternity and godhood. "A short and fulfilling life sounds better than a long, listless one, and yet... you're right. I don't think it's something we can understand, as mortal as we are." Perhaps opening the Gate for all will bring such understanding, and yet... Yuliana's words about being with her wife do remind her of something. "...This world and the next. That was part of your vows, wasn't it?" There's only a hint of the horror of that revelation.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Well... that's good," Yuliana is able to say, when Sayaka reassures her. "That does make me feel better."
She does frown, when Sayaka insists it doesn't exist in a vacuum. "My Elisa assures me she's looking into it," she dismisses the effects, sullenly. ... which at least tells her that she hasn't totally ignored it.
And she hums, nodding, when Sayaka tries to get her head around what the 'end' means for an endless being. "Yeah." Rita and Yuliana have many similarities -- so perhaps it's no wonder her Wife is reminiscent of it all, too.
"... that's probably true," she agrees, when Sayaka wonders about the Empress's kindness. "Though I don't know if we think of 'living' the same way, if She would be satified with claiming my spirit. I guess -- it's not as if physical form has much meaning, in the Void."
Yuliana frowns, hands clasping together. "That's not how she talks about it," she says. "She says -- she'll remind her Self about those things She carved away and forgot. So she wouldn't just be consumed... I wouldn't want that," she insists, her voice thinning.
Her tentacles come to rest on her wrists, claws latching about them, just the same. "Yes," she nods, a measure of contemplative distance in her gaze and her tone. "I offered Elisa myself in marriage, under Her gaze... I promised her love, honour, respect, faithfulness, and not to forsake her. Not in this world, or the next. With honesty and sincerity did I pledge to be her obedient and insightful wife... and when Elisa took me in marriage, in accordance with Her vision, her solemn promise in turn was always to protect and to help me." She can just recite it all off by heart -- because, of course, one memorises such a powerful incantation.
"Back then, we didn't know what we know now... but we knew that we would be together, in that place. Of course our vows were forever... it meant something different for me, I suppose, since it's natural for me think of those vows persisting even after death. But even if it was something like that, I'd promise it... I would never wish to forsake her."
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
"Well, I'm certainly glad it hasn't escaped her attention..." Sayaka nods, when Yuliana insists that Elisa is looking into the problem. "If nothing else, Dr. Kafim has quite the sharp eye." It's hard still, to work with a woman she'd acknowledged she could never see eye to eye with... but she will for the sake of coming to a compromise of all this.
"No, probably not..." Sayaka agrees, about the concept of living being different for the Empress, too. And she decides to venture forth her earlier thought... "It kind of reminds me of Rita Bernal, don't you think? The idea that it's only the spirit that matters and that it's necessary to discard the human flesh to evolve. I'm not sure I agree with either of them, in the end..."
Yuliana does correct one of Sayaka's previous assumptions, though - that Elisa would be consumed should the Empress regain her Self. "Oh, so that's how it works?" Sayaka clasps her own hands together. "I suppose it does make sense... I doubt she would be okay with being consumed either, but she probably sees it differently than either of us would."
Finally, the wedding vows... Sayaka can't help but be impressed that she remembers that word-for-word after all this time? Is that usual for married couples? She wouldn't know! Not yet, anyways. "...Yeah. I'm not about to tell you that your marriage vows are strange or something bull-headed like that. I think I was just curious about your thoughts, honestly, now that the context has changed. I mean... I've had marriage on the mind a lot, lately, too." She laughs, slightly.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
If nothing else! Yuliana scowls when she catches that phasing, but she will forgive small crimes of indiscretion given the aid Sayaka's offering them.
She's still grumpy when people don't like her wife, though. Who wouldn't like Elisa? Does she not talk about how wonderful and beautiful and talented and considerate she is enough?! And beautiful, like, wow, have you seen her, which is to say stop looking at her like that or else Yuliana will have to kill you --
Anyway.
Yuliana frowns anew, thinking of Rita. "Ritechka was a fool," she says, for she's not seen her since she went to the far reaches of space, and for all Yuliana knows she stayed out there at Gallia IV. "But I suppose her stupidity did... inform my anxieties, from an early stage. It's possible that in worrying over it, I did somehow impart that style of thinking... but it's just as likely that it's simply the way which immortal creatures think."
She nods, when Sayaka realises that Elisa won't simply be erased. And when Sayaka brings up her own thoughts about marriage --
-- Yuliana actually laughs, which is a nice change of pace from how dour and withdrawn she's been for the past while.
"Haha..." She veils her lips with her fingers, as she chuckles. "I should hope so. Congratulations, by the by." But she curls her fingers at her cheek, as she glances away, thinking about it. "I was the one to write them, you know," she says, after a light pause. "Though of course I meditated on Her wisdom to do so. I do think... my culture informed them more than was perhaps entirely wise. Not that I object to obeying my wife's wishes, of course -- but we've always been partners, so perhaps it put too much pressure on my Elisa to be responsible for it all." Is that... how she'd put it?
"And it's true that what faithfulness means has something of a different meaning... now our God is involved in a different context." Yuliana sighs, shaking her head. "Now it's changed, I struggle with being faithful -- that is, having faith. It is shaken, sometimes... it's rather shameful, but both my Elisa and the Empress have always forgiven me."
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Who wouldn't like Elisa Kafim? That might have been the question back when she was known only as a gold-medal winning Olympian and an awarded researcher. Sayaka counts herself lucky she isn't struck dead for the crime of sassing Yuliana about her wife, even if she catches that scowl.
Sayaka too, has never heard from Rita since the Gallia-IV expedition left and came back with such terrible news. There's no doubt she 'lives' in some form, though... it puts her point into perspective. "Your anxieties, huh?" Sayaka considers, as Yuliana weighs whether Rita's mindset was imparted upon her. "I mean, it absolutely makes sense. I think... a lot of this probably comes from that place of anxiety of not being like other people anymore." Sayaka frowns, but also nods.
Hearing Yuliana laugh for the first time this entire conversation, after such a gloomy mood had been cast upon it, does get a smile out of Sayaka. "Aha... thank you. I would have liked, uh, a very different turn of phrase from him... but I'm happy to finally move forward."
Sayaka hadn't expected Yuliana was the one who write the wedding vows, but it does quite make sense after some thought. "Yes, they were quite reminiscent of the REA in some areas. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with basing your marriage around culture. But making sure the values it's built upon make you happy is just as important, I'm sure." As Sayaka recalls though, that 'pressure' placed on her and Elisa to fit into those clean gender roles is something that's being addressed. "Actually, in Japan there's still quite a lot pressure for the woman to take the man's surname in heterosexual marriage." Sayaka explains. "I think I want a more traditional wedding... but I still plan to keep my surname." It's rather more common practice in researchers, given... and the Yumi and Kabuto families have always had a tight bond anyways.
Personal anecdote aside, Sayaka turns her attention back to what it means to keep God in your marriage... literally. "It's something you couldn't possibly expect, is all. It's nothing to be ashamed of, to me." Sayaka shakes her head, as Yuliana explains her lack of faith sometimes. "You said that you and Dr. Kafim are partners, correct? Equals. That's rather different from the expectations of a God, even if she didn't know it at the time." Yes, she's forgiven, but it feels telling that the forgiveness need only come from one side. Truthfully, Sayaka doesn't quite know how to handle such a complicated marriage, but... she can at least say how she feels.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"She once told me I'd lose myself in the Voidframe of Emptear, you know," Yuliana scowls, thinking of Rita. "Because humans weren't meant to perceive themselves at that scale... of course, she didn't know what she was talking about."
Did she?
"At least you didn't let him get away with it," Yuliana grins, when Sayaka mentions Koji's regrettable phrasing. "Up top." And -- she is absolutely lifting her hand to high-five Sayaka over slapping her boyfriend. That's just a thing that's happening now.
And maybe her culture does explain why she'd find that completely acceptable -- though she has expressed that she's working through it, with her wife. "Why not have him take yours?" Yuliana suggests, on the matter of surnames. "I hardly see why it has to be the man who passes his name on, every time. My gay aunts had to navigate this, as well -- they decided to both become Morozovs, and when my late cousin had children, they were Morozovs and Lyuboviches just the same. Er -- that is, their patronymic," she adds, waving a hand, "in Zaftra, we properly refer to ourselves by our fathers, in full. I'm Darminichna, for the record. Anyway, as for Lyubov, she decided to become a single mother, for she found herself quite unlucky in love. It would make no sense for them to take their father's name, when he scarely even knows they exist. But you see, there are many options for you!"
Well, at least she's trying to be helpful. The bar might be buried in the ground, but by God, she cleared it. And speaking of God --
Yuliana quiets, as she comes to consider Her. "We are equals," she agrees, at length, curling her bangs about a finger. "And... it does feel quite different. The Empress is not as -- open to reasoning, by far. She has -- well, expectations, yes. And it's not always easy for me to understand Her wisdom... though I suppose it makes sense why Elisa would need to interpret Her, now. She is with God, so of course she would be able to translate Her wishes to this world..."
She sighs, hands lowering back to her lap. "It's very complicated," Yuliana confesses, "being the wife of God. Though I'd not trade it for the world," she adds, before anyone can question whether she's complaining about her perfect wives.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
"Well, you can't say she's completely wrong. You put yourself in a whole lot of danger piloting that thing, you know." Sayaka points out, though, it most likely took more than just the act of piloting. "I do wonder about that second part, though..." She frowns, about being unable to perceive oneself at that scale. "Controlling humanoid mecha at such a scale is just a fact of life these days."
"Absolutely not!" Sayaka grins, about letting him get away with it. "If he's going to say something so... vulgar in front of everyone, he's getting slapped in front of everyone. That's just how it is." And she indeed goes for that high five.
As for the idea of the man taking the woman's name... it isn't totally unheard of. But... "Hmm. I don't think I'd ask that of him in turn, though. I mean, everyone knows Koji Kabuto, pilot of Mazinger Z and hero of the Earth Sphere. But Koji Yumi and Sayaka Kabuto, they just sound... too weird!" She does listen, when Yuliana goes into depth on how it works in her culture, though she took on the name Kafim. "I see..." She nods. "That all makes sense, very practical. I think... we'll probably just keep our names. hmm happens a lot with highly-published researchers, but I don't think it cheapens it or anything. Different names, but no less together, right?" Yuliana's examples beg another question, but fortunately, Sayaka is a quick thinker. "As for any children, well... I guess we can just ask Lisa what she thinks!" Not every parent has that opportunity.
Sayaka focuses back down then, as they turn towards what it means to be God's wife. "It must be difficult, and yes, very complicated." Sayaka frowns, crossing her arms. "I can't imagine just... not being able to understand the very person who expects you to be a perfect bride or something."
"Though... I'm not here to make you trade anything." Sayaka says, noticing the sudden shift in her sentiment. "But if the Empress isn't so opening to reasoning, we either find a way or work with Dr. Kafim in helping you in alternative ways. I would like this to end in a happy marriage, though, of course." You'd almost forget Sayaka initially came here for exactly that... to help Yuliana with her fear of neurological-based therapy.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"My Elisa works hard to make Emptear safe for me," Yuliana sighs. "Though I shouldn't speak too much of her... if you've questions about the Threshold Queen, you should ask Elisa." It's the same response she's given them for six months, now. Yuliana has been remarkably helpful and forthcoming about their secrets -- aside from this.
"Anyway, it isn't just a matter of controlling a machine that large," she shakes her head, "but a matter of -- perception. If there is a delay between your input and the output, if there is some barrier between your 'self' and your machine... so long as you don't lose yourself, there isn't much danger." Implying she could lose herself, inside Emptear.
And -- HIGH FIVE. They are in solemn agreement over this, if nothing else. (Well, maybe one or two other things.)
"Well, that makes sense," Yuliana agrees, when Sayaka works through the reasons why she might keep their last names. "You know -- I almost kept mine, too? It wouldn't have been for quite as noble a reason, though... 'Dispersal' is the identity the Republic gave me. It was healthier, I think, to take my wife's name. Even before I left, I did manage to defy them in small ways... I have Elisa to thank for that."
A brief pause, and she adds, thinking of Lisa: "Perhaps she'll be a Yumi-Kabuto?" And it's nice that she thinks to put Sayaka's name first, though of course her first instinct is to arrange it the other way around. "Or," she adds, with a sly grin, "a Kabumi..." Oh no, not the portemanteaus.
She wonders: is she the perfect bride? She owes no less to her perfect wife, of course.
And Yuliana laughs, again, veiling her lips with her fingertips. "This really is just a strange kind of... divine marriage counselling, isn't it...?" She asks, struck by the ridiculousness of it all. "I want the same thing -- though I do feel a little pushy, insisting on my mortality in front of Her like this. But even though She's changing my body, I'm still human... even if it's just for now, I need to be able to live as a human. So I'm grateful to you... for letting me claim a little space for my own mortal needs." Maybe that's all she has the bravery to consider -- that she's just trying to express her needs in a relationship which can get a little too one-sided.
... words like 'abuse' can't apply to a divine contract, after all, when they were made to describe mortal relationships.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
"I can't deny that I'm interested in how Emptear works... if not just as an engineer's curiosity - I'm sure you understand," Sayaka admits, in regards to the Threshold Queen. "But safety comes before anything else." Sayaka doesn't actually pry Elisa too hard about Emptear - because of it's even on the field, it means their intervention has gone horribly wrong.
"It must be different from technology like the Mobile Trace System, then... even if there's unfortunate similarities in sharing the pain of the machine and the pilot." Sayaka considers. "An even more apt comparison is probably Psychoframe... which is probably what Rita was getting at in the first place. So... if you get Cathedra on your tail because you decide to stomp around in Emptear again, not helping you on that one." Despite the small bit of humour, Sayaka can't help but frown at the possibility of losing herself in such a machine.
"That makes complete sense," Sayaka nods, about taking on 'Kafim' over 'Dispersal'. "I imagine they put quite the pressure on you to keep such an identity, but... nice work defying them." Sayaka Yumi loves sticking it to the government.
"Maybe!" Sayaka considers, about Yumi-Kabuto. What did they write on her school records, anyway? As for Kabumi... "Oh Yuliana..." Sayaka groans. "That sounds awful."
Truly a strange kind of divine marriage counselling. "Yeah, no kidding..." Sayaka laughs. "I'm no good at this stuff, it's supposed to be Boss guiding people through honeymoon and divorce alike."
"You've attended to Her needs so much... I think it's only fair that your own get addressed, that's all." Sayaka shakes her head, when Yuliana calls herself pity. "If I can give you the confidence to make sure those are met, it's the very least I can do." She concludes - though she never got Yuliana to recognize the full extent of the 'abuse' or whatever you wish to call it, Sayaka works best nudging things along the right path.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I understand," Yuliana is kind enough to excuse her interest. And with a little huff -- "But it's nothing like the Mobile Trace System! My Elisa would never give me a machine which caused me such suffering." And what Yuliana doesn't say, when she speaks up to defend her wife, is its own little confirmation -- that it is comparable to Psychoframe.
And that Emptear was a gift from Elisa, at that.
But, "... it's all right," Yuliana assures Sayaka. "If I'm called upon to employ Emptear once more, I don't expect you to aid me. I don't even mind if you fight me, really... since those are your convictions." Well, it's nice that she wouldn't hold it against her too hard. Probably. That's probably nice.
She smiles, though, when Sayaka praises her for sticking it to the man. "Thank you," she says, forgetting, for a moment, that such direct expressions of what she owes to someone else make her wife unhappy. Call it an unguarded moment.
Like the way she laughs, when Sayaka groans. "Oh? So Yuto's off the table too, is it?" She teases her, grinning. Where do portemanteaus lie, in the grand scale of pun sins? Surely deep within the layers of that Hell.
She all but yelps, though, as she raises her hands, palms-up. "I'd never seek such a thing! I don't want a divorce -- I don't even want to think of it!" But she calms down, at least, when Sayaka points out all that she's done. "Yes, it's... it's just a matter of sticking up for myself," she says, as much to calm herself down as anything. "That's all."
Yuliana sighs, though, as the clock catches her eye. "I caused such a fuss, the morning went right by, didn't it?" She wonders, a hand rubbing at the back of her head. "Haa... I don't wish to try something like this on an empty stomach. Will you come get lunch with me...?" Of course she's prying Sayaka away from her duties, in asking, but even the Director needs to eat.
And maybe once they've eaten, she can come back and try this all again.