2023-12-03: .i am compelled to want the best for yoU
- Log: .i am compelled to want the best for yoU
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Shari Loom
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2023-12-04 (ICly 0097-12-03)
- Summary: Yuliana happens to spy Shari, while she's sneaking out. The two of them talk about Elisa being a part of Her, the Empress at the End of All Things -- and Yuliana realises what Shari's trying to hide. Shari's running away... but Yuliana won't be the one to stop her. Or the one to tell Elisa, at least before she asks...
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0P1hhFt-nU Miracle of Sound - A Thousand Eyes
The Silent Castle stands, black in the night, quiet as the Void. And with Elisa retreating to see to her wounds, Yuliana is left to rest. She promised she would.
She wished to sit up, at least, and so she has been arranged on a couch in one of the Castle's many sitting rooms. The door is open, so the servants can keep an eye on her...
... but that also means she can see out into the hall.
And she is watching -- a touch anxiously -- for any sign of her wife. (It is an anxiety conveyed by the way her frill flexes and fans out, behind her ear.) Yuliana's fear of the North Wing medical bay is too great for her to follow her wife there, but she knows Elisa will come for her.
She waits, and Sokrova, the Kafim's green tiger, waits with her. He sits on the floor beside her, his head leant on the couch, and she scratches at his ears. (Meanwhile, a tentacle scratches at the ruff of his neck; positioned lower down her back, those tendrils are better able to reach him.) Perhaps he's here to calm her down, given her nerves. He's always been Elisa's faithful helper.
Elisa's name, tattooed at the base of her neck, is still red with all the signs of healing body art. Beneath her black robes below, her chest is bandaged; a little blood has seeped through the dressings. (Far less than there was.) One can, perhaps, imagine what happened to lead her to this point, after yesterday's events.
Yesterday's revelations.
<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.
It's quiet, all right. Creepy quiet. But not, entirely, silent within. The rumors go among the help, from what they've heard. That the Strong Mistress is more than the mistress of the castle. And now that Shari has seen the North Pole from a distance...
Well, Shari Loom has decided she's not wanting to teleport back out of the castle today. She's gathered up a few things in a purse that's a little too stuffed and left behind her crystal in her room, and now she is out. Specifically, she's walking by the door, a little nervous but managing to mostly stay calm about it for the moment.
Apparently 'She' hasn't noticed her yet today. But...
Shari is dressed for the cold. She seems to be going Out.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
She hasn't noticed her, yet, but someone does. Someone alarmingly close to Her...
"Ah -- Sharochka!" Yuliana calls, reaching for her, as she sees her pass by the doorway. "Wait a moment -- come here, dear. I can't go chasing you..." And she really can't, in her condition. Shari could escape, presuming Yuliana didn't send her tiger after her.
(Sokrova just looks up and chuffs a good greeting. He doesn't look particularly in the mood to chase anyone; he just spent two hours bounding around his climbing gym, after all.)
<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.
Sharochka! Yuliana's affectionate greeting stutters Shari's cool--she jumps a little in surprise to hear her. "Uh?" she starts, and then--Shari looks, to see Yuliana and those bandages. She thinks about it a moment...
"OK," the teenager answers, and walks on into the room. "...Hey, Sokrova." He's a nice tiger. Probably. As tigers go.
"...what's up, Yuliana? You feeling OK?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Please, sit," Yuliana offers, kindly, gesturing to the chairs still empty. It's a sitting room, so there's plenty enough seating.
Sokrova, of course, ambles up to his feet and pads over to nose her hand for attention. He's a very nice tiger! At least as far as people the Kafims like are concerned, and since he's their beloved pet, they've never taken him out anywhere he'd meet people they didn't like.
Given he's over twice Shari's weight and it's all predator-muscle, it's probably a good idea not to think too hard about what might happen to those people.
Yuliana pauses, though, as she considers her question. "I am..." She starts, delicately, a hand lifting to press gently at her chest. "... better, now. My dance was insufficient, you see, so She changed me to be fit for the purpose... ah, She took my ribs and made them legs to carry me," she explains, with another of those gossamer pauses. "But the human body can't survive that way, in this world... so, when I closed the Gate..."
She closes her eyes. "I survived for a while," she approximates the experience, "and Elya worked through the night to fix me. Ignoring her own injuries... I had to ask her to care for herself. That's why she isn't here, you see." It is strange to see Yuliana without her wife, so soon after a harrowing experience like that.
<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.
Shari takes a seat, puts her purse down. Then, she pets Sokrova, because of course she does; he's nosing her hand! "...Hey there," she says.
Definitely better not to think about that.
"Oh," Shari answers, and can't hide her wince--no, more than a wince, her disturbed reaction at the way She resculpted Yuliana. "That's uh..." She pales a little.
"I did notice you decided to close it," she says. "So..." A pause. "Oh, I see. So that's why..."
"I knew she was busy, but... I wasn't sure why. I assumed she had important stuff to do or whatever."
"...it's important to pay attention when you're hurt, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Sokrova chuffs, happily, in response to her greeting. He recognises he's being greeted, but he's still a tiger with a tiger's vocal chords, so he can't say 'hello' back.
(At least not without changing him more, and Yuliana likes him in his current fluffy state.)
"It is," Yuliana says. "Elya ignores it, because she doesn't fear death, but... you know, I notice things," and her gaze drops, with a worried frown. "She gets... so much more distant, when she has to rely on her Power to survive. She does not... grasp her sense of humanity tightly. It still affects her... and it's frightening, sometimes, when she comes back from too much all at once." She is quiet, relating that, as her hands fold over each other in her lap. "So it upsets me, when she's injured... though I suppose that must be terribly confusing for her."
She shakes her head, and looks over to Shari. "There's something we ought to tell you, now you're not so busy," she says, and frowns. "Though it is unfortunate you would leave Nagoya under -- those circumstances. You see why we could not leave you to Britannia, I'm sure." She thinks it was a Britannian Princess who did all that. And why wouldn't she? It's all over the news.
"It would be better if she could tell you herself, but..." Yuliana sighs, looking up to the chandelier on the ceiling. "Thanks to Leyasha's wonderings, Elya realised something about herself, recently. She is... a part of Her, sent to live amongst humanity and protect me. It was quite a shock... I was even angry, at first." Her fingers trail up her hand, to play at her rose gold wedding ring. "But Elya didn't know, either. And I suppose, having carved the most human piece of Herself away to come here, She would be bereft of mercy..." ... as if she's responsible for it?
<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.
Tiger!!
Shari pets him idly as they talk. But Yuliana of course has a lot of opinions on how Elisa does things, as it happens. "Yeah," Shari says, "I noticed that a little. It's... different." She's diplomatic about it, obviously. "Well, maybe it is," she says of confusing. But--
"Eh?"
Something? But, "Yeah," she says. "I didn't want to get stuck there, for sure. I went back to help some people out, but..." Back to the school, that is. But it was definitely Something.
Shari had heard this news, but not so completely as this. A part of Her...
"You were angry with Elisa?" Shari questions, surprised by that. "I..."
"Y-yeah. That's why she's not big on mercy, probably." Pause. "Not... that big at all on it."
She should make an excuse and leave immediately, but, "I was thinking of heading out to the city..." A pause. "Man though. Really? Really, you were mad at her?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"You're very brave," Yuliana smiles, when Shari says she went back to Ashford to help, "but it is well you've come back safely." She is very concerned with making sure Shari isn't brought to harm.
And Elisa was reminded of that, not long prior.
Yuliana's smile is more thin, when she speaks of Her. "She is... furious," she admits, clutching her hand to her chest, curling in on herself just so. "She even deemed me an apostate, locking the Gate as I did... how shameful." She sighs, and adds: "I do hope it causes you no trouble."
Shari hears Her, as well, after all.
And she chuckles, a shade nervously. "Ahaha... I'll admit all I said was that I didn't like it, the way She was hurting me only for her to soothe me when I woke. Asking how I could accept it... why I had to endure it. I guess I could have yelled... but what good would that have done? It wasn't her fault... and it would have caused her so much pain."
Yuliana looks down, at her wedding ring. "I... still have complicated feelings," she admits, quietly. "Not that I don't accept Elya's explanations... and I'm sure this is hard on her, too. She's learned so much about herself... and why some things are hard for her. But... it's hard for me not to feel that She was deceiving us, Sharochka." Her fingers tighten, around her hand. "She knew, but She did not deign to say a thing... and you know, I'm fine with being possessed by Elya, but I chose to offer myself to her. It doesn't mean... you know, it's a little disturbing to be... She cares little for my autonomy, in these matters."
She'd rather not call herself a doll.
<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.
"...Nah," Shari says. "But thanks. I did what I could, anyway." It is well. is it?
Then, "...Well, She hasn't really had much time for me in the last couple days," Shari says, "Except for while you guys were out there--then she was really loud. That must've been when you closed the Gate." She shakes her head. "It's... not your fault, either way." An apostate. Not ideal.
Still, Yuliana modifies what she said, and, "Yeah, yelling at Elisa doesn't really..." She gestures. "But that is kind of scary."
She nods, when Yuliana considers her feelings. If Shari were really brave, she'd offer to take Yuliana along to the city. ...But maybe that would just be foolish, instead. Shari doesn't do it, in any case. "...Yeah," Shari says. "Well, She doesn't... exactly like me," she says. "So maybe She had a reason, I guess."
A pause. "...Hey, um..." Almost. "Yeah. You got the tattoo and everything for Elisa."
"...How's she doing? Is she mad, too?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I can't help but feel responsible... but it's kind of you to say." It's Yuliana's turn to look disturbed, reflecting on the noise She made, as she closed the Gate.
"It's not that I'm scared of yelling at her," she goes on to insist, quietly. "It's just that I'm never in the right when I do." Cool and normal!
Bravery and foolishness are frequently found together.
And Yuliana frowns, thinking about Shari's own relationship to God. "It's clear to me now that She fell in love with me, when I was brought to Her awareness, and so She sent Herself to bring me safely to Her. She is... desperate, to grasp me," she adds, and one might think, here, of a massive spectral claw. "But I don't understand... why She loves me so, when everyone else who has had occasion to audience with Her reports such unrelenting hatred."
But she smiles, at least, when Shari brings up her tattoo. Her fingers come to press at the side of her neck, delicately. "Isn't it wonderful?" She asks, much more dreamily. And...
"She is," Yuliana says, eyes closing briefly. "When I helped her find audience with Her, she -- she even told Her off, you know? Of course, she minded her manners, but -- the gift She elected to grant me was draining the rest of the heat from my bones. I couldn't get a word out, but Elya told her it would kill me... she told Her to do something else. And when I woke up today, she was mad, too... but she said she wasn't mad at me."
<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.
"...Well," Shari says, "I guess I'll at least say I don't blame you, then." It's different from telling Yuliana her feelings are just wrong. And then the way she insists... "Oh, yeah. I see." Super normal. Very, very normal.
Shari manages to pretend it is, anyway.
In love... Shari isn't sure how that works, or why it would be the case, but she does hear about 'love at first sight' and all. Or maybe it's something about Yuliana that makes her special? She isn't sure. Maybe, "There might be something about you that other people don't have? I mean, that would make sense, anyway. You'd have to figure out what's different. ...But I mean, it's not like you're not lovable or something, right?" Shari smiles. She even seems to mean this! Her smile weakens though as she says, "Though I wish I knew why She doesn't like me..."
Anyway, the tattoo. "Oh, yeah. It looks great."
Then... Hm. "Wow. Only Elisa could tell Her off, I guess." That's... kind of emboldening, actually. It helps. At the same time it makes Elisa's scarier. "Well, um... I'm glad she saved you, then. And--"
"Yeah. I guess she would be mad..." A pause. "So, um."
She thinks. Definitely better... before Elisa finishes. And she thinks... "Do you want me to pick you up anything, while I'm out?" Shari asks. It's a lie, in her intent. Yuliana might pick up on that.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Shari is nice not to invalidate Yuliana's feelings like that; she at least seems to appreciate it, the way she smiles.
She smiles, as well, when Shari says she's lovable with a double negative. "I am the only one who knows the Gate as I do," she says. "I've always had a connection with Her, ever since -- the experiments." The medical torture, she means. She's awfully delicate about this sort of thing. "But... I'm sure it's not you," she assures Shari, because from her perspective, it's true. "Leyasha's always said She's a hateful woman -- and the others who've seen Her, too... surely you just feel targeted because you are in more frequent audience with Her."
After all, if Shari were especially hateable, wouldn't Yuliana hate her? Wouldn't she scream at her? Wouldn't she pin her to a wall and threaten to consume her whole?
She's never done that.
"Thank you!" Yuliana chirps, with no strangeness at all, when Shari compliments her tattoo. "It's private, of course, but -- well, you know, I'm at home right now. I scarcely need my scarves in here."
She smiles, as well, when Shari compliments her wife.
And she pauses, when Shari asks if she'd like her to pick up anything.
"It would be kind of you to offer," she says, at length and with care.
"... but you're running away, aren't you, dear?"
<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.
The only one who knows the Gate, has that special connection with Her... Maybe that is why. "You think?" Shari wonders. "I'm not sure if that makes me feel better," she admits. "If I deserved it somehow, it might feel better, right? Or maybe that's just Britannian logic."
She is in frequent audience. As that goes.
...But Yuliana doesn't do that kind of thing anymore.
"Yeah," Shari says, of privacy. "And we're just girls anyway, so..."
But--Yuliana pauses. She gets it--at length, with care, and--
"Uh." Pause. Shari hesitates--and then, "...Yeah," she answers. "...I guess you'll tell her, huh?"
"It's not..."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I could ask Her, if you like," Yuliana offers, with a tenseness to her smile. "Whether you deserve it more than the others, in Her eyes." And Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes, and Her eyes.
It's fine. It's fine. They're all just girls, here.
And... there. She understands enough of the youth to see that, in Shari's packed purse and cold-weather clothing.
The strangest thing -- made only stranger by the way the light stops reflecting in Yuliana's eyes, for a moment -- is the way she responds: "It's best you go." She blinks, and shakes her head. "You're of that age," she says, as if she hadn't said anything. "And you've been through an immeasurable tragedy. I'm sure seeing even my failed dance is shocking, under those circumstances... if I can't be certain of my convictions, I cannot blame you for faltering, either."
She smiles, uneasy. "I think you're underestimating Elya," she says. "She's known you before she even met me... I'm sure she'll be saddened to see you stealing off in the night like this." Technically speaking, it's always the night, at this time of year. Anyway. Yuliana pauses, for a moment. "But... perhaps it's best you give her some time to cool off... you see, I unset Emptear's limiters, in that fight. She was terribly upset... I'd hate to see our conversations blamed for it." Yuliana did just kind of get it out of her, while testing her in the middle of mechanic-work.
"So... I won't point it out, for a little while," she'll offer that much, at least. "I just hope you'll remember that you've always a place here, Sharochka. We care for you deeply, dear." Well, Yuliana has, at least. Ever since... anyway.
<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.
"..............no thanks," Shari says, lowercase and all. She definitely. Definitely. Does not want Yuliana to bring her up to Her. For any reason. "i'll... pass."
But it is strange--the way Yuliana responds. The way she says it's best. And that tells Shari, thinking about it, that it really definitely is best, beyond even what she'd thought.
"I, ah..."
Underestimating Elisa. That may be true. "Yeah..." She pauses, when Yuliana pauses. "Oh. ...Oh. You did that. Uhhhh, I see." She would not like to see that happen, either.
"...Okay," Shari says, and pets Sokrova, maybe for the last time. "...Thanks," she says.
"I'll..."
"I'll remember that. Thanks... Aunt Yuliana." She picks up her purse.
"And, um..."
"I won't forget you."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Of course," Yuliana assures Shari, hearing that lowercase reply. "Pardon me."
Her expression wavers, when Shari realises what she's done. "Elya was beside herself," she says, quietly. "I should never have kept it from her..."
But she'll keep this from her wife, apparently.
Rather: she can do nothing but keep this from her wife.
Sokrova rumbles, headbutting Shari's hand affectionately, before he returns to Yuliana's side. Absently, she buries a hand in his green and black fur. "Thank you, plemyannitsa," she expresses her gratitude to her niece, quietly.
"... I'll miss you, dear. Do excuse me if I was ever too harsh on you... it's just because I saw your talent. Don't give up your mechanical studies, all right...?"
She looks down at Sokrova, so she doesn't have to look at Shari.
"... and don't linger out there too long... you'll catch your death of cold."
She really could have been a mother, under different circumstances.