2023-08-04: What Are You Reminding Me Of?
- Log: What Are You Reminding Me Of?
- Cast: Asuka Shikinami Langley, Knight
- Where: Outside Tokyo-3, Japan
- Date: 2023-08-04
- Summary: Knight makes his peace with Asuka, but Asuka still can't find peace, even though they're so alike.
<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.
The close of a shoe locker door. A familiar face. The start of a walk home. Asuka Shikinami Langley sees on TV all the time that these ordinary things are supposed to bring people happiness.
"How's it going with you and Shinji-kun?"
Girlfriend and Boyfriend.
"We're fine. He asked me out again."
A date.
"Oh hey that's wonderful! Where are you two going for it?"
The chime of a text message. Asuka slides her hand into her purse, and looks at it. The summer heat beats down on her as she stops walking.
"Tell you later. Somewhere I've gotta be."
"Work stuff?"
"Not really... but, still important." Asuka tapped a text back and veered off-
"More important than me-?"
The question stopped her for a moment, as she eyes Hikari out of the corner of her eyes, "It's not like that. Walking home with you every day-"
She can't say that her walking with Hikari, talking with her, has ever made her happy, even once.
"-that's not nothing."
She's not even certain she had the words for why it was important to her, even if happiness wasn't a part of it.
Without any further explanation, she walked in another direction. Hikari looked after her in wonder for a time, and then a smile bloomed on her face.
-=-=-
The location she texted back was just technically outside of Tokyo-3 city limits. A footprint from an Evangelion was beginning to lose definition. A grassy hill had changed shape, but it was there, right beside a water way.
With everything on high alert right now thanks to the Angel, maybe she didn't want him to get caught in city limits by NERV.
A strange thought, a strange location.
That's not nothing either, perhaps.
Asuka waits in her school uniform, her bag held up and over her shoulder, watching everything flow by in the artificial waterway.
<Pose Tracker> Knight has posed.
There's a world that a girl escaped to, once, and a world of wonder Ranka sung about, and...
Well, it got Knight thinking, about Tsutsujidai.
It's not entirely why he reached out to Asuka; he'd been meaning to for a while. But it's helpful to have these reminders, grounding him to Earth.
He has a phone, and he uses it.
And --
They're outside city limits; that's fine. Knight has documentation, but he raises eyebrows, sometimes, with that sword hanging behind him. He travels physically through the world, and doesn't pull things from nothing, these days.
Up he comes, over the hill, and down. He kind of ends up powersliding down the grass because he misjudges the angle. Sliiiiiiiide, but he doesn't fall on his face at the bottom, so it manages to look cool and not pathetic.
"Asuka Shikinami Langley," he greets her, when he finally arrives. That same stoicism, but it's dressed in a suit, now, and more understated than tightly-coiled. He's more comfortable in himself, even at this size.
"It's been a long time." A pause, and he adds: "I needed time." It's not an accusation to her, apparently; just an acknowledgement of the reality.
<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.
Asuka performs a half-turn in the middle of Knight's slide down the hill, "That's how you ruin a good suit, Munchkin." Asuka comments, just as bluntly as always, but the edge of hostility is certainly gone, "You clean up much nicer these days, not half bad."
He mentions it's been some time, and there's a ghost of a nod, "Yeah, since Zegga, last time I saw you."
There's no accusation there either, she doesn't seem to resent the time. "You had other priorities, and so did I. Just how it is."
When he says he needed time, she doesn't question that either. "So what brings you here? This about Duma?" She raises an eyebrow, as if uncertain what else it could be, but- "Or something else?"
She suspects neither of them are any good at small talk after all.
<Pose Tracker> Knight has posed.
"Don't worry," Knight tells Asuka, when she tells him he'll ruin his suit. "I have a wardrobe now. And drawers, for small clothes." Now, is his wardrobe full of basically identical suits? Obviously. He knows what he likes, and he knows that he doesn't like weird new textures or tags in the wrong places or having to change his routine.
But he has one! All to himself! He's an inside cat now!!!
So maybe it really isn't something Asuka has to worry about.
They're both blunt; this suits them, too. "Akane Shinjo has found people to work with. But I'm keeping my distance. The Gridknight Alliance will respond if there's trouble... but at our own pace." A light pause, "... my pace. The Second's been taking care of me that way. It takes time. But I'm getting there. I get up each day and decide to fight. You gave me that chance, too." He's not always fighting at scale, apparently, but -- well, fighting for his recovery is still a noble brawl.
"Duma does concern me." He won't skirt around that. "Gridman told me he couldn't destroy it. I told him to decide on his priorities. I'll save humans over kaiju... even with me, I didn't grow by humans deciding I mattered more than them. Kaiju have to live with humans, because it matters more where they step. A careless human won't hurt a kaiju like a careless kaiju hurts a human." He folds his arms, with a frown. "... I think Gridman guessed wrong. He could have gotten people hurt. 'Maybe' won't bring back human lives."
But Knight shrugs, his stance unfolding again. "That's what concerns me about Duma. But I didn't just come here because of that. ... I wanted to see you," he says, after a light pause. "I wanted to thank you. And to say I don't resent how you said it, back then. It was harsh, but you kept trying to reach me, anyway. So I get what you meant. Even if you said it that way."
<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.
"Your 'small clothes'?" Asuka is of course, well read, so she puts together the term being a sort of middle ages euphemism. While she doubts that's how he knows it, the context is important, "You're not supposed to talk to girls about your underwear."
There's a tiny bit of a rebuke in there, but not much, it seems more matter of fact as if mostly to inform him about this important fact.
"Or people will see you as some kind of weirdo."
Asuka however just listens to him for a time, the hot summer breeze causing her hair to lift as she does so, "'Gridknight Alliance'? Didn't realize you were a whole organization." She of course knows the Gridman Alliance. "Come a long way."
Asuka's expression tightens somewhat, as she glances away at the waterway, "I didn't do much. Just followed orders." Even Knight knows that can't be true.
Yet she doesn't offer more of a denial than that.
She snorts, "Was more than just not being able to destroy it. He defended it. Got in our way, so I had to fight him."
Asuka does admit that much, but this time she doesn't invoke orders - even though she was ordered. "My purpose is to kill the Angels. You get it, right?"
It's almost like admitting some common ground between the two of them in that moment. It's almost like admitting she's not entirely human.
Humans rarely invoke purpose, after all, even if they search for it.
A moment later he clarifies, and she gives him a startled look out of the corner of her eye. For a prolonged amount of time, she's silent, as she just stands there...
"Maybe you should." Asuka finally breaks her silence, "Resent it." Again, she doesn't look right at him, "I was stupid about a lot of things back then. Feels wrong to just be given a pass..."
She adds almost absently after, "... even from you." As if acknowledging he was stupid too, but it's different. She was stupid in a different way.
<Pose Tracker> Knight has posed.
"?" Knight vocalises, blinking at Asuka as if this is totally new information. (Because it is totally new information.) "Oh, I see," he says, after a moment. "I didn't know. I won't mention the drawers going forward. But the wardrobe is normal to talk about?"
He takes the rebuke in stride; he's made an error, and he learns better, and there's nothing more Knightly than that.
A beat,
"Hmm. Should I not mention sleeping on the wardrobe, either?"
Knight might just be some kind of weirdo, even if he doesn't mean to be that type of weirdo.
"It's the cooperation between the Second and I," Knight explains, when they come to what he's been up to. "I copied Gridman's Alliance." He says that he stole Gridman's look with no shame, because Knight doesn't see any shame in copying people. That's how he learns!
"The way you followed them helped," he adds, when she looks to the waterway. "That's what I'm saying." He's nice enough not to challenge her party line on this one, but it's not just humouring her; Knight considers it entirely likely Asuka was just following orders.
Even so, there are decisions people can make, when they're under orders. He appreciates that she made the ones she did.
"Good." That's what Knight thinks, of Asuka fighting Gridman. And he nods, sharp and stern and just the once. "I get it." A human with a purpose...
He shakes his head. "I haven't forgotten. But I won't hold a grudge, either. There are things you didn't know back then. Though it's also true you might have been that harsh even knowing how Akane Shinjo treated me. It did affect me." For someone who stoically accepts so much, admitting that it actually did hurt him is -- well, it must mean he has been working on healing his own heart, all this time. "But I've moved forward with Akane Shinjo, and I don't want to resent you all this time, either. Even before she apologised, you tried to save me, after all. That matters."
Or, put another way, it isn't nothing.
<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.
Asuka gives him an odd look, but- "Normal when shopping I guess. Can be used to mean fashion too. Won't upset anyone, in either context." That's actually not a bad explanation at least?
At least she seems to understand how to communicate with him now, as opposed to in the past.
"Yeah don't mention sleeping on one, or people will think you're a weirdo too. People sleep on soft things, like futons or beds or couches."
Perhaps this kind of communication is comfortable for her, as she was once in a position of not understanding what was normal either.
She can't drop her guard and talk to normal people like this.
"The Second?" Asuka eyes him for a moment, because indeed she's called the Second a lot. 'Second Child' is her title, and Kaworu even refers to her as 'Second', but obviously it's not her.
"Ah you mean that kid who rides around on the Turtle Kaiju." As Asuka nods thoughtfully, "Yeah she seems like someone you'd get along with."
He does say he copied it, and this time, a small shrug, "Feels right I guess. You're good at copying things." It's in fact, his whole thing!
As he clarifies the way she follows them helps- "I guess I can't dispute that." Her tone is, softer, self-conscious in the moment.
He does get it.
After all, he once fought Gridman all the time, it was his purpose. Of course he would understand fighting a Gridman that interfered with hers.
Especially a Gridman that was in a sense, siding with a Kaiju over the humans it was harming.
But the meat of it comes, he speaks of how he won't hold a grudge, and again her head thinks 'Maybe you should.'. And he mentions that it did affect him, that she was harsh even knowing how Akane Shinjo hurt him.
For a time, she's quiet again, then- "It didn't make sense. That you even could be saved. That's not how it's supposed to work."
'You fail at your purpose, you die.'
That was one of the earliest lessons Asuka Shikinami Langley learned.
"Still doesn't make sense to me. Up until the last second - I was just trying to put you out of your misery."
It felt, kinder perhaps- the thought of it. Ending it quickly, rather than that slow slog into DG cell infections.
"Don't even remember what convinced me. Maybe it was just a whim." A small beat, "Maybe."
...
...
...
'-that's not nothing.'
She'd said that to Hikari, not long ago, but now-
"Just feels like you're making a bigger deal about it than it was- I guess. But, if that's the way you feel..."
She trails off, as if words suddenly fail her, and she's floundering - just floundering in absolute stony silence.
<Pose Tracker> Knight has posed.
"I understand," Knight nods. "I slept on the wardrobe when I first was given a room. Because I was used to sleeping in a tree. It felt safer to be up high. And it was harder to launch an attack on me, since the door hid it. ... but I've learned that's unusual. And I'm unlikely to be attacked there."
Knight pauses, and translates: "In Japanese, it's 'Nidaime'. That's her. She grew up, too, when she realised that she didn't want to hold onto her childhood after her home matured."
He listens, though, as Asuka says those quiet words. Not how it's supposed to work...
(Knight wonders how much time Asuka gets to fight her own battles, instead of the ones prescribed to her.)
"It is." He confirms, first, of his feelings. And he is kin to silence, just the same, and sits with it for a moment. A breeze fills the space. Even so, he's still.
"I'm an irregular being," he settles on, after a moment. "Since I'm not human, but I'm no longer a kaiju, either. People like Nidaime and I," he's heard Asuka's reaction to her English name, so he switches titles, "shouldn't appear in a natural world. That we exist as we are is proof humanity is troubled. We became antibodies to oppose the forces that would destroy it, but if their hearts were settled, we wouldn't be here... it's because Akane Shinjo's kaiju affected the Earthsphere as they did that we came. If humanity's heart calms, and unnatural kaiju stop appearing, we will leave as well. Nidaime is no longer a natural kaiju... and I never was."
He's quiet, a moment longer.
"... what I'm saying is that my situation was unusual," he says, at length. "I broke the rules. But I recognise the rules still exist. It was unusual that you were able to save me, back then. It was an exceptional situation. And there were exceptional people behind it." Like Asuka! Knight's never questioned her skill.
<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.
"Huh." Asuka considers that for a time, then slowly, she nods, "That's rough."
Even she and her clone siblings were at least given soft mats on the floor. "I guess it makes sense that you'd prefer that for a while."
Nidaime. She'd heard the name, in fact, that was part of why she guessed it before that she was the Second. Still, as he says she matured too, her eyes look over to him, she squints and-
"Seeing you right now, can't imagine what grown up looks like for her."
She was even MORE of a little trash gremlin it felt like than he was.
"Antibodies." She repeats the word on his explanation of what he is. That they're not natural. And after a time-
"I guess, I get it. In a way, I'm similar."
It might be hard to imagine what she means at first, but- "I'm manmade. Shouldn't exist in the natural world either. And once all the Angels are gone..."
She trails off, not finishing that thought, but she doesn't need to spell it out. Instead shifting to a glance his way-
"Don't tell anyone, they wouldn't get it."
A hand cards through her hair, against the summer breeze as she echoes his words, just in singular, "Exceptional person. What a joke. I'm exceptional because I'm not a person."
She does take a breath, at this point, closing her eyes-
"Still, I'm glad if there could be an exception, that it could be for you."
<Pose Tracker> Knight has posed.
"I sleep in the bed now," Knight says. Which means he must be comfortable enough to sleep in the bed.
Most of the time, anyway.
Knight pulls out his phone, and leans over so he can show her a picture. "Like this." It's a photo of a young office lady with big first-job energy, a musical note embroidered on the edge of her nice, crisp suit. (The same style as Knight's, in fact.) And yes, obviously, she's shoving a big V-for-victory sign at the camera, which might be the only sign she's still the Second.
Lo: Asuka doesn't have to imagine it. The truth is wilder than fiction.
Asuka, though, was also made. And Knight knows something of this -- of the ways humans create humans. He knows enough to guess at the rest.
"I won't," he promises, with a thoughtful scowl and a firm nod, when Asuka says they wouldn't understand.
... he won't tell her to stay, either. He understands if she can't exist in a world without Angels. There's something that nags at him, about it; but quietly, because surely it would be inconsistent for them to be different in this.
"Thank you." This he says, first, when she expresses her gladness. "I'm happy, too." He doesn't actually smile as he says it, but he doesn't sound UNhappy, either.
And, "... all right. I'll amend my statement. Exceptional people, and an exceptional pilot." That must be something Asuka is. "It's strange to see how exceptional humans can be, since beings like you and I were made to fight our enemies. But I only became an exception when I failed at my given purpose and chose one for myself." He pauses. "I don't know why that's different. But I can see that it is. There must be more I don't understand, yet. I'll figure it out."
He doesn't say, automatically -- it must not be different. He doesn't say that Asuka has to be exceptional no matter what her purpose demands, because he was exceptional when he broke from his. It doesn't mean he doesn't entertain it as a possibility; it just means he doesn't know. It would be arrogant to assume his irregular situation is the same as Asuka's. It could easily cloud him from the true answer.
And all truth aside, he can tell this is hard for her.
<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.
It's telling that he's now comfortable to sleep in a bed. "Good. You'll pass better that way." And indeed such a thing must be important to her.
That someone like her, and someone like him need to be able to at least fit in amongst humans well enough.
Well enough that they don't question whether they belong among them.
Asuka leans over to check the picture, then actually straightens, eyebrows shooting up as if startled. She squints at it again, "Huh. Not bad."
Her eyes trace over to him, "Pretty hot, actually." As if she were actually saying 'good for you'. In part, she simply assumes they must be dating.
It is only natural that a two things that are shaped like humans, one passing as a male, another as female, would be, right?
A nod, as he says he will, she doesn't thank him for keeping the secret, only acknowledges that he said he would, like that. However, when he says 'I'm happy.' her brow furrows, as if the word disturbs her-
-if she can be glad for certain outcomes, isn't this happiness?
She doesn't know. Part of her struggles to hold onto the feeling she had when she said it, as if that perhaps might be the answer.
In the end, she doesn't feel any differently.
Then why'd she say it?
Asuka doesn't talk about this with him. While he'll get some of her struggles, this is a private one. It's something noone knows is missing, within her.
"... Yeah." She just affirms quietly, to the idea of her being an exceptional pilot, "That's more correct." And indeed, she ruminates on the same issue of how he became an exception. Crossing her arms, her fingertips tap upon her left elbow, "Maybe it's because your purpose didn't suit you. If something picked you to be an antibody - it means it saw something in you that Shinjo didn't."
It's different, after all, Asuka's purpose is a good one. There's noone out there who can claim that killing Angels isn't a net benefit for all involved.
Well, maybe deluded people, like Gridman.
There is something comforting about it though for Asuka. Part of her was troubled by the fact that Knight had no master out there, in a sense-
-that he'd broken free of that too-
-now she understands in a sense, he didn't at all. His master is whatever tries to safeguard humanity from it's troubles.
Even being an exception does not exempt him from that.
It's only correct then, that she is a part of NERV, because her purpose is a good one. No matter how it might end for her.
"You ever figure out the answer, you let me know."
She tells him absently... still dwelling on the fact that everything is right with her place in the world.
<Pose Tracker> Knight has posed.
Knight nods, when Asuka notes he'll pass better. He doesn't think it's a strange thing to say; indeed, he looks proud, in his own way, that he's able to. "Nidaime is more experienced. But I'm getting better. I know utensils, now." Remember how he just kind of shoved his face into the pizza until it magically disappeared?
Real character growth is not eating like a complete goblin. He's half-goblin, at worst.
But speaking of goblins evolving into less goblinoid forms --
Knight scowls. "You'll speak respectfully about her," he answers her decision that she's hot with an immediate demand. "I won't permit anyone to be so crass." Nidaime would respond far differently, but Knight decides right here and now that he has to defend her honour. That's what Knights do.
(Which means they're definitely dating, and it's exclusive. Good to know! ... even though they're male- and female-shaped, though, it might be a stretch to call them a young man and a young woman.)
He can tell Asuka is conflicted. Part of it is the way she looks away, finds somewhere other than his eyes to look. He's remarkably aware of people's sightlines. Part of it is the way she's having the discussion, with each component part feeling just a shade uncomfortable, as if a healing wound exposed to air. Part of it is... just the impression he gets, looking at her.
He talks about people's hearts crying out, but it's not always as easy or simple as just seeing someone's heart. The glimpses he gets at times of strain aren't an every-day matter, the way he understands some of the Newtypes in his life live. Most of the time, it's just a vague, background...
... vibe.
Maybe if his senses were stronger -- if he were a different type of sensitive -- he'd be able to understand enough to change fate, right here and now.
But he isn't. He's the type of being he is, and no other.
"I will," he promises, again, of the answer. Simple, short, to the point. The truth is worth telling.
He tilts his head, looking up at the clouds as he thinks for a moment, and brings himself back to something else Asuka said. "It's something I picked for myself," he says, "but I can't say that no one affected my decision. Actually, a lot of beings have. Maybe it's the Earth that called me to do this, since all these visitors are doing so much harm."
He frowns, and thinks through it, verbalising his thought process as he's wont to do. (He's monosyllabic enough when he's not doing that.) "It's good manners to thank someone for doing something for you. I think it must also be good manners to take care of a place after causing it trouble. If you do something wrong, make up for it... Tsutsujidai did do wrong by the Earthsphere back then. And I brought a lot of that into the real world. I was under orders, but I was the one who executed them the way I did. Even though Alexis Kerib tricked me, it was still wrong."
<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.
"Not half bad, Munchkin." Asuka tells him in approval of the fact he now uses utensils. "Sounds like you're almost there, for a lot of things."
She does cant her head to the side, arching an eyebrow at his request, "Wasn't badmouthing your girlfriend." Asuka says firmly, "Was complimenting her, on how far she's come too - the both of you together."
Still the word crass? That's fair, so while she doesn't apologize, she does at least break his gaze, like he's won this one all the same.
She can at least respect someone defending someone they're dating.
(She'd have to defend Shinji, she knows she'd have to defend Shinji. Of course she'd have to defend Shinji.)
In the end, he can feel her conflict, and promises her the answer if he finds it, "...Hm." The Earth, calling him?
Why didn't the Earth call something for Angels? Maybe it's because...
In the end she shakes off the thought, it's inconsequential. Going down that route will lead nowhere good. "Good manners, huh?"
Is what she eventually responds to, and for a time she eyes him, there's an obvious struggle. It'd be so easy to say the words, wouldn't it?
"You've come a long way, Munchkin." She eventually says, quietly, a repeated thought, she's indicated this so many times tonight. In this moment however, she shoulders her bag, and turns away.
"It was good seeing you. Shame I'm still such an ill-mannered girl."
Without any further words, she turns and walks off. Despite it all, she has far too much pride to thank someone, or to apologize.
All she can do is make up for it, even if noone ever understands that's what she was trying to do.