2023-07-20: Lives Before
- Log: 2023-07-20: Lives Before
- Cast: Sousuke Sagara, Sayla Mass
- Where: Villa Mass, AEU Europe
- OOC - IC Date: 20 July 0097
- Summary: After testing Villa Mass' security and checking in with Leina, Sousuke Sagara comes to speak to Sayla. The topic of Sousuke's past comes up, and Sayla provides some hard earned advice on keeping secrets from the ones you love.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke Sagara arrived to Mass Villa dressed...like he works at Argyros Security. He does, kind of, or at least the connections between Argyros and Mithril run so deep as to make the difference a matter of legal academics. In his capacity as a Mithril SRT, and an expert in defensive fortifications, he's here to inspect the grounds. It's not quite a proper penetration test, because they know he's coming, and also because he was not allowed to have AL stage an actual Arm Slave attack.
He would've used paintballs...they didn't have to get that mad...
Regardless, after a day of shouting at people who are not quite as ridiculous as him, and a not so brief stop-over to talk to Leina, Sousuke Sagara finds himself moving to check in on the good Doctor herself. Reception, maybe? Her offices? When he finds her, he knocks on the door, because he is like that. "Doctor?" he prompts. "It's Sagara."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla's been in her study less and less lately. After all, she's still stood down in her role as Heart-2 of the Shuffle Alliance, and is doing very limited work with the Foundation. Most of her time has been spent with Leina- either ferrying her to and from 3G France under heavy guard, or just being present.
Today, the door opens, and Sayla is standing behind it. "Good afternoon, Sousuke. Please, come in."
Sayla's study is one of the three most secure areas in the house, along with the panic room and the escape tunnels. Careful, discreet soundproofing lines the walls, and the door is thick and reinforced, despite it's ornate appearance. Inside, it looks like a mix of entertaining area and office. A solid desk, a few chairs, and a surprisingly empty sideboard in one corner. There are signs of it having far more bottles than it does now: a single bottle of scotch, and a single bottle of port, both with tamper proof lids, alongside a large self cooling bottle of water.
On Sayla's desk sits her laptop, an empty photo album and a glass of what looks like shaved ice with a slice of lemon garnishing it, with a carafe of the same. In the corner, an expensive photo quality printer can be heard quieting down, a pile of recent prints sitting atop it.
"Please, take a seat Sousuke." She says, moving back to her desk and closing her laptop. "How'd the testing go? Anything I need to be aware of?"
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke's seen one or two High-End Offices - a soldier of his skill occasionally gets asked to look impressive for the politicos. And, of course, Tessa's own main office on the island has a seating area for similar reasons. His gaze does rake across the sideboard, but something in him unwinds a little when he sees it so empty. Good. Good. Sousuke is, as ever, a man who is always ready with a lecture on the terrible effects of alcohol.
His eyes turn to what she is drinking, and then up to the woman herself. How flavorful, he decides. "Not a problem," he says, his usual line. "Weber's attention won't be wandering any. And I believe I've impressed on them the need for vigilance. I did make a few recommendations, but the site commander turned them down."
Every one of them was pit traps or land mines.
He moves to a seat, as directed. Normally, this would be where he stops talking; the young man is, as ever, singularly focused on duty, and must often be pulled away to other topics.
Instead, he says, "Leina seems well."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
"...I'll make sure to leave the blinds closed, then." Sayla says dryly as Sousuke mentions Weber is on guard. But only for a moment. "...I'm glad to hear he's recovered, at least."
She pauses before taking a seat. "Can I get you something? Some water, or some Granizado?" She indicates the lemon drink. Summers *do* get hot in Spain.
Still, the topic turns to Leina quickly, and Sayla's expression... falters a bit. "...She's definitely improving. The sessions are helping, even if they're hard for her." It's an understatement. Having to drug her to get her calm enough to sit in the chair... hurts. The fact that she can't be in there with her hurts too. So often she's sitting outside that same hallway she and Orie found Akane in, waiting nervously.
She shakes her head. "But... it's going to be a long road." There's definite worry in her voice. "I keep worrying that there's still some mental bomb waiting to detonate, or that she could get stolen or 'arrested' at any time."
She sighs, and it's easy to see the tiredness in her body. Banagher and Leina aren't the only ones not sleeping well. "Thank you for helping bring her home, Sergeant. If the three of you hadn't gone with me, I don't think I would have had the chance to reach her."
here's another pause, before Sayla finally sits. Something has been sitting in the back of her mind since Tsutsujidai.
"...Sousuke, may I ask you something personal? It relates to your history."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
"A good decision regardless," Sousuke says. Weber is not, after all, the only sniper in the world. "...I am as well," he admits. "Weber is a difficult man, but we have known each other for years. I did worry."
Hm. He looks to the drink, then to the water, then back to Sayla. "Granizado then, please," he says. Kaname's been good for his interest in tastes, apparently.
"My own experience with such manipulation has been with chemicals more targeted at sedation and interrogation," he confesses. "Have you seen the file on Mira Kudan? I was the operative who retrieved her when Operative Matt Shade's exfiltration attempt was halted." There's a certain distance to his look, and he remembers it rather clearly; a young woman his own age, far too underdressed for Siberian cold in a hospital gown, with her red hair stringy and her body gaunt nearly to the point of catatonia. Her nails, bitten to the nubs, for reasons he could only guess. "I suppose she must've been a Whispered. But...all I knew at the time was how terrible such treatment must be."
He blinks. "Apologies, Doctor, I didn't mean to bring up unpleasantness. Mithril will protect this place with all strength. I understand a unit is ready at the Mediterranean headquarters to deploy in minutes."
He does see the tiredness in her posture. Those steel-grey eyes are so perceptive, after all. "You're welcome, Doctor Mass," he says. "I still don't entirely understand my own feelings on what occurred, but...they remain unchanged. I didn't want things to end that way. I'm glad they did not."
She has a question for him. His gaze turns back outward and he tracks to hers. "Certainly, Ma'am."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Yes, Sousuke, that is exactly the concern Sayla had.
She reaches over to the sideboard for a glass, and pours Sousuke some of the Granizado- It's a sweet drink, and good for cooling off. Sousuke offering to try this is a far cry from the soldier who ate at a Chinese restaurant begrudgingly more than a year ago.
"My condolences about Mr McAllen as well. While I'm glad that they Tuatha made it out better than it could have, it's always hard to lose one of your own." Perhaps, this is one of the few ways she *can* relate to Sousuke. She lost comrades in battle at that age too.
It's a bleak bonding point.
"I have. That operation was shortly after Mithril joined up with the Alliance, wasn't it?" Sayla's irises flit up up as she recalls. "Her description seemed... not too different from some of those rescued from Cyber Newtype labs during the Gryps conflict. That seems more the... most common method of treating them. I thought I'd be prepared for how Leina would be from those." She shakes her head. "But it's... different when it's someone you care about."
"You said that this felt different from the betrayals you faced in the past, right?" Sayla's voice is quiet, musing as she is. "...Maybe it's because of the changes in your lifestyle, or maybe it's because you saw Leina as a normal girl, rather than a combatant. It's hard to say. I'm sure you'll find your answer eventually."
Sayla seems to steel herself, as she readies her questions. "...When we were trapped in Tsutsujidai, I spoke with AL once when you weren't around. He... told me some of your service record. That you'd served at Axis." Sayla crosses her arms, drumming the fingers against her right elbow.
"I wanted to ask you about being there. And your feelings regarding..." She falters for a second, before focusing again. "Regarding my handling of Char Aznable."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
"Indeed," Sousuke agrees. "I have lost commanders before. Few who were as loved as Lieutenant McAllen. He was a shrewd man, and skilled at putting people in the right places." Still, his response is fairly numb. A harsh statement of the realities he lives, where even his own life is a token to be paid to the god of victory.
He sips. Oh, sweet. He doesn't shun such things, though it's not his go-to, either. "I find I am more worried about Tes---the Colonel." Oh, there's a slipup. "She has little experience with such losses, it seems."
...and, indeed, his expression clouds quite deeply for a moment. "I hope...I can help her through," he says, slowly sounding out his own thoughts.
He turns back to the subject of Mira Kudan's rescue. "Indeed," he affirms. His own conflicted emotions don't quite let further emerge until Sayla probes on his own thoughts. "Yes. That sounds right. Rikka, as well. It's..."
His hands close around his cup for several long seconds. Kaname has long since forgiven him and then some. But part of him will never forget the way she recoiled from the very beginning of his story. "...not a world they should have to see," he says. Something's wrong in that. But he can't quite sense what.
His eyes scan back up as Sayla steels herself. "Ah," he says. It's not much of a secret, to his mind. "It was a profitable time to be a mercenary. The Federation, of course, was pushed so far to the wall that they were fielding anyone who could pilot, regardless of any other ostensible hurdles." Like the fact he would've been, like, fourteen. "There were so many who felt overwhelmingly about the Axis assault. Fear, anxiety. Anger. My relationship was pragmatic."
Steel gray eyes, quiet, perhaps a bit sullen. But unruffled, too. "My main memory was the certainty of the drop. It reached well past the point of being unstoppable, as I recall. But the light changed everything, as we know."
... "I still don't like it," he confesses. "It saved the world. But a power that can transform possibility itself is a threat to those who protect their lives by knowing what can happen and why." People like him, in other words. Despite his improving relationship with AL, this much clearly still gnaws at him.
His eyes flick up to her again. "As for Char Aznable...I have little opinion, Doctor. He was an enemy commander once, overseeing an attempt to wipe out the world. But there was a time I took Arm Slave training from Gauron. To me, he is only a man with skills. He agreed to use those skills for you to see through a critical objective." He shrugs. "The scale is different, perhaps. But stories like that are common, in my line of work."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla nods. Sousuke's detachment makes sense, to a degree. You lose enough people and you *can* get used to it. Surprisingly quickly, it seems. But Sousuke voices his worries, and Sayla nods. "It's a reasonable concern." Sayla's a little worried about Tessa too, positioned suddenly as one of the leading voices in the Shuffle Alliance. Part of that was Sayla's fault- but it would have happened if she hadn't been stood down. "I think your presence might be the best support you can offer her right now." She pauses. "Being there... and making sure you come back, that's what's going matter right now."
Sayla nods, quietly. "...I think I understand." She takes a sip of her drink, finally, letting the ice melt a bit in her mouth before swallowing. "I never wanted Leina to get involved in this sort of fighting again. She'd been through enough in her childhood. The fighting Rikka and Akane had been involved in too wasn't... like this." She muses aloud. "But people like Murasame are some of the worst that the Gryps conflict created. It's not strange to want people to live safe lives. Even if that's not the life you lived." Maybe that will help Sousuke put it together. Maybe it will just confuse things. But she's confident Sousuke will find his way somehow.
"So for you, it was just a job?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. He had been there, but... "...You said something similar about the Lambda Driver, didn't you?" She thinks on his answer. "Something unreliable, that you can't understand. That rather describes a miracle... even the Psychoframe to some extent." She pauses. "I don't think even it's creator expected it to be able to do that. It's not something you can count on, but it might just happen." The drumming on her elbow increases. "It saved my life in Tsutsujidai, somehow, but... I have no way of knowing it could do so again. It's something you can't trust.
Sousuke's response causes Sayla to blink. Sousuke was trained by the man who so nearly destroyed the Tuatha? Fate is a strange beast. "...I see. So long as he is an asset, it's acceptable to you then?" How many others felt that way, she wondered?
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
"Affirmative," Sousuke says. "I want to be there for her." Though...how is he going to manage to keep his grades up with all this going on...at least they're past the point he might be held back. For now.
"...yes," Sousuke says, slowly, apparently satisfied by Sayla's conclusion. "They should be able to live a safe life, unburdened by weapons." ...specific turn of phrase. Something is churning through his mind, not yet processed but critical. Someday, perhaps.
"Ultimately," he agrees. Even for everything spectacular about Axis.... "The stakes were clear, of course. But it is difficult for me to imagine the scope of such destruction even now. At the time, I had little on my mind but continuing to eat. To me, especially at the time, it was merely an unusual contract."
Now she's got him thinking about it, though, and a crease forms in his brow. "I suppose...now, I might be asked to use Arbalest to try and stop it."
It deepens a lot. Oh, he didn't like that thought.
He shakes it off, but he still grunts to Sayla's description of the miracles in Tsutsujidai. "I'd be a fool to deny the evidence of my eyes," Sousuke says. "These powers are real, tangible, and dangerous. 'Only the right man in the right place can make a difference' is a common enough truth, for the types of soldiers I work with, so it makes some sense. But if the tools are so slipshod, I cannot believe in them. I need to know it will work, if I'm going to use it for combat." So it comes back to Arbalest. Yet AL believes in him. Yearns for his trust, even. Is that the key, somehow?
As for Char: "Yes." Sousuke slurps on the frozen ice again, thinking as it melts in his mouth. "I know better than most how easily loyalties shift. Kurz and I have been on opposite sides before. Lieutenant Commander Kalinin and I met that way, even. I'd be wary, of course. But I have no personal difficulty with him." His eyes slip up to Sayla again. "Or with your decision," he emphasizes.
And Gauron...Sousuke grunts. "'Kashim,'" he recites. Sayla may or may not have been made aware of the name Gauron howled so eagerly at the final battle. "In Helmajistan, it means 'just'. It was the name given to me by the warlord Majid. Gauron was little more than an allied AS trainer to me at the time." He grimaces. Something runs through him that he doesn't recognize in himself, a faint tremble in his arms and hands. Anger, fear, the feelings that drive a man's animal side. "Then he killed my entire camp. He's been haunting me for a very long time. I stopped him from taking...too much more from me, this time." Perhaps a small surprise he's not overly shocked by losing McAllen. With Gauron involved, and apparently fully in the throes of a death wish, he stood to lose everything. Two men is a pittance.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla can't help but smile softly. It's a long way from the boy still working out having feelings at all. "I'm glad." Still... a life unburdened by weapons... It's a peculiar phrasing but Sayla can understand the sentiment. "It would be nice if that had been possible." Sayla says, a little wistfully. "But for all we can wish it didn't happen, we have to deal with the fact it did."
It's fascinating, somehow, that Sousuke only saw Axis as a job. So many people she had met had such deep personal connections to it. Such strong emotions tied to everything there. Even she did, as someone who had stayed on Earth, up all night watching it unfold from afar
Feeling it unfold from afar.
But there was no way it wouldn't have been personal.
She notices that change on his face as he talks about being asked to stop it. "...You might, it's true." She drummed her fingers on the desk. "...I still don't understand how that miracle happened. I don't think it's something you can just... decide to make happen." She shakes her head. "Trying to tell you to 'stop it', I don't think that would work."
She looks at Sousuke, seriousness in her eyes. "One day, I'd like to ask Amuro what happened himself. Maybe he could answer. But... I think he had something to protect. Something he was fighting for, something he wanted so desperately he could do the impossible." She searches Sousuke's face, assessing how he felt. "I remember Kaname told you you had to impose your will on that weapon, when the Behemoth attacked- and that's how you stopped it." She decides to pause there. "...Maybe you should try and remember what happened in that moment."
She pauses, as Sousuke talks about his past. "...Really? It's kind of strange you'd all end up under the same banner now. Still... the battlefield makes for strange bedfellows." She takes another sip of the icy drink, musing as Sousuke does. "...I certainly didn't expect to have some of the allies I do now."
But then Sousuke says a name, and Sayla stops. It's the first time Sousuke has talked so frankly about his childhood. Literally raised by a warlord... She had heard his record but it's different to hear it first hand. "...But that's not the name you decided to take, is it?" She says, quietly. "You chose to be Sousuke Sagara. Or would you rather I used that name?" The way he says it, she doubts it. But it seems worth it to check.
"...I see." So that's how he was so calm now. So collected. It could have been so much worse. "Just because it could have been worse... please still grieve if you need to. You still lost a comrade."
She pauses. Debating what to say. "...Mr McAllan sent us a letter, before Gauron killed him. I'd only met him a few times, but he reached out with well wishes for Leina and I. He mentioned you, in particular." There's another pause, as Sayla thinks about what to say. "If there's anything I can help you with, or any time you need advice... Just ask, all right? I'll help how I can."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Then again, would Sousuke know its importance to him? What did that light spark, in the mind of a young man who knew so little? Who demonstrates often he doesn't understand even himself?
All he can report is his own impressions: A paycheck, a battle, and an impossible feat. Perhaps it says something that he didn't opt to remain on with the Federation, but rather returned to the fields of conflict he knew; to the small world he had lived in until then.
"They told me I had to defend the team against Gauron," Sousuke murmurs. "The lambda driver was sluggish." He humphs, unhappy. "...yes. But it seems the enemy has mastered the art of summoning their own. Fortunately, the scale is...more manageable."
He considers Sayla's thoughts. "'Put your spirit in,'" he murmurs, repeating Kaname's words. "That's not usually where it fails. Something...else." A slow shake of his head. "How I felt...in those moments, huh?"
He does shake his head when she moves on to addressing his own history. "I lived with Majeed and his band until the REA and AEU got serious about pacifying Helmajistan about four years ago. I came to know many people, then, though..." Another moment's hesitation. "Gauron," he says, and can't finish. He looks up. "I don't mind if the friends I knew in that part of my life use the name. It is not dead to me." He knows how important that is, for some. "...but I would prefer for you and the Shuffle Alliance to address me as Sousuke Sagara. As near as anyone can tell, it is my name from birth. And...I find I do not wish to associate the people I know now with the man I was then."
He hesitates, when she invites him to grieve. There's not really anything there. Perhaps at some point he will be struck by McAllen's absence, and need to take a moment; that can be the way of it, for some. For now, he nods his appreciation and acknowledgment of her words. "He was serious and severe," is Sousuke's summary. "But, he was a man who knew how to give kindness, as well."
Something she can help with...something she can help with..."Right now..."
Does he say this? To anybody? But maybe he trusts Sayla enough. "I suppose the thing I worry about most is Chidori and Colonel Testarossa," he admits. "I believe you're aware of..."
He trails off, and a faint blush comes to his cheeks. "Our situation," he says, awkward.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla nods, as Sousuke describes his experiences with the weapon. "...I suppose it couldn't be that simple." She admits. Otherwise anyone could use it. What is it that Gauron had that Sousuke lacked?
Apart from a totally ruthless attitude.
Still, as Sousuke talks about his old life... not wanting to associate those he cares about with that life, Sayla's expression shifts toward guilt. "...I can understand that feeling." She says, a little quiet. "...I won't say your situation is the same as mine, but thinking on it now, that decision to try and keep my life before a secret was one of the worst choices I had ever made. You know some of the mistakes I made. I nearly got myself and others killed, I hurt Leina badly, I put the people I care about in an awful situation."
Sayla makes eye contact with Sousuke. "I'm not saying you should tell everyone, or that you have to be open about it. Just... if the time comes when those you love should know, let them in. Take it from someone who should have known better."
The flow of topics changes, and Sayla nods. "...I'm aware that the three of you are dating, yes." She doesn't beat around the bush. "This is your first relationship, right? It's not unusual to have concerns with these things. How can I help?"
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
It takes Sousuke a moment to catch what Sayla's thinking. When she makes that clearer, his face grows clouded with thought and his eyes tip down. "Yes. I see. I'd say it doesn't feel similar, but..."
Pensive. "I can't deny it clearly lingers." Even now, Gauron's specter haunts him. A man he's killed three times now...was it the charm? It has to have been, doesn't it? He scans back up to find Sayla's eye contact, nodding to her guidance. "Very well. Thank you."
As for the turn, Sousuke clearly has NO idea what on EARTH he's even thinking of. He grimaces nervously even at the mention of them dating, then clearly rallies himself. "I just..."
He holds up his hands as if attempting to grasp the mere concept of a clue and then drops them because he fails. "If I knew that I would sleep better," he sighs. "I worry. Tessa and my relationship is scandalous enough as it is. Commander Mardukas would never accept it. But I feel as though she's hoping for something I haven't discerned. And Kaname is..."
He shouldn't even say this. But his gaze cuts away. If he knows, surely even Sayla as she is now is entitled to know it, too. "...changing," he says, uncomfortably.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sousuke's willing to take it on board at least. If Sayla's mistakes can spare him some troubles down the line... Well, it's not worth it, but maybe it's something.
Sayla takes a few seconds to consider Sousuke's problems- or rather the fact that he can't voice them. "...You are in a relationship with your commanding officer. That's going to put a strain on any relationship, keeping it secret moreso." Sayla says, quietly. "The alliance isn't as structured, but within Mithril..."
No wonder Sousuke's struggling. "In normal circumstances, I'd suggest you have a frank talk but it's hardly that simple..." Leina's intentions may have been good... "...I wonder if what she wants is to be open about it, rather than having to keep it secret? But that's not feasible right now either..." She'd have to think on it some more. Maybe call in an expert.
The second statement gets a pause. "...Changing how?" She raises an eyebrow, but the way Sousuke phrases it seems concerning. "As a result of operating in the field or... something else?"
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
"It is, yes," Sousuke says, of the difficulty of his relationship with Tessa. "Even within mercenary circles, such a relationship is precarious. You do see it, but...often enough it means one or the other will no longer be in the field. That's not an option." Not for him. "And I..."
He struggles with his own brain again for several seconds, obviously trying to pull something out from deeper than he knows how to reach. He follows orders. His world's defined by that, bordered by it on every side. Doing this, something so outrageously against the logic of that world - his stomach feels ill at ease. But that kind of understanding of himself is something Sousuke rarely possesses.
So instead, he simply sighs. "Something doesn't sit right, still. But I know that I still want to be with her, too. She's...a truly incredible woman."
Changing. "She's becoming smarter," he says, and he now fully cannot even look at Sayla. "Her grades have been improving by leaps and bounds, she..."
His hands fold. He'd fidget if he were the type. "The other day Shinji mentioned some details about the most recent arm slave plastic models. It shouldn't have been much, but Kaname found herself fascinated by their accuracy to the real-life machines."
Sousuke looks up. "She was right on every point. She's never seen most of those units. I can barely keep my head above water academically. I wonder...how long she'll be able to tolerate someone like me."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla nods slowly. It's still hard to get a read on Sousuke using her abilities, but there's more than one way to read someone. "This is all fraught and unfamiliar territory for you, isn't it?" She says, trying to see if she can feel things out more solidly. "Some of this will resolve in time, as you manage to get used to each other in these new contexts. You're still a teenager in his first relationship, some of your worries are bound to be that. But only some."
Neither Sousuke nor Tessa can leave the field, and thanks to Sayla, Kaname's involved as well. "At some point you're going to have to address the power imbalance between you. How to do that will take some thought. I don't have an easy answer for you now, but I'll think about it if I can."
Sayla pauses. There's something to be concerned about- something she's been concerned about ever since hearing about the Whispered. But that's not the concern to address right now.
"...She's not going to drop you because you're not smart enough, Sousuke." Her voice softens a little. "If you're worried about your scores at school, there are things you can do, but that's not going to be what decides your relationship." She takes a second, thinking back. "...After the incident with the Behemoth, Kaname came to talk to me about what she could do to help you. Because you were important to her. She joined up with the Shuffle Alliance because she wanted to be able to support you."
Sayla smiles, gently and a little sadly. "...That's not enough to make things work out on their own. But I think you should have more confidence in the bond you all have together. She doesn't 'tolerate' you, she cares about you and you about her. That's more important than whther or not your grades match."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
"The men I've known have seen women like ports," Sousuke says, which is itself probably a metaphor he got from someone else. "Welcome, desirable, but...interchangeable. I don't want to end up like that." He frowns, studiously. Overly serious, even. "But I've known other men who seem to love someone very much, but never see them. Or even have lost them." He shakes his head. "I want to get it right," he says. "But it seems like that's the one thing I don't know how to do, lately."
Address the power imbalance...Sousuke nods. "I thought as much, as well. I don't think the way things stand can continue. But, nothing I can imagine changing would fix anything."
Sayla does, then, address Sousuke's deepest, quiet concern. Won't she? It seems like all Kaname has to say about him some days is how foolish he is. "Whenever she's mad at me, I feel like I've failed a mission," he says, and shakes his head. "Like my back's to the wall and no support is coming... ...or like Kurz wants to talk to me about 'an idea'." He grimaces.
But, the notion that things changed so much because Kaname reached out on her own does seem to set him at ease. "Confidence..." he says, and a smile twitches on his lips. "Yes. Alright."
BBSYS: Post 1171, 'Reminder: School!' has been published to Announcements by Tem Ray Circuit.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla let's out a small sigh as Sousuke mentions the men he's been around. "I think that's a good instinct for you." She says as Sousuke outlines what he's seen, and what he wants.
"That might be an area where you're running into trouble," Sayla says, thoughtfully. "It's easy to want to get it right, but you're going to get it wrong while you work out what getting it right means. That's normal for any relationship- and Tessa and Kaname are going to make mistakes too. It's not all on you to 'get it right'."
This is... definitely a difficult scenario to navigate. Especially for someone for whom an 'everyday life' is still something fairly new. Sayla seems thoughtful for a while- only to wince at Kurz coming up with an idea. Poor kid...
"I think I can make an educated guess at what's happening there." Sayla says, her fingers tapping again absently. "You don't want to disappoint her or upset her, but that's not all of it. You're in a position where the rules you know don't apply- and you don't know where the lines are." She takes another pause. What to do here...
"...I think you might be afraid of her deciding that she doesn't want to be with you anymore- and any time she's angry with you only plays on that fear." It's a very normal thing to be afraid of- except maybe to Sousuke.
"If that's the case... you should definitely talk to her about it. If I'm right and you didn't realize, I'd say there's a decent chance she doesn't either."
That little smile, however, is heartening. It's a rare sight on Sousuke. "Love is a messy, complicated thing. We all fumble our way through it a bit, every time. I still don't know what I'm doing half the time. You just... try your best, together and on your own. Even if it's unclear. Does that make sense?"
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
"It's not all on me," he repeats. It's hard to remember, sometimes, but...Kurz had berated him about the same, after the fight in Perio. That was about fighting, rather than a relationship, but still. Maybe it's something worth considering. "...maybe something I have more trouble with than I expected, lately," he muses. "Lately it feels like everything hinges on me, or the Arbalest, or both." He grimaces and scratches his head. "Even when almost everyone says I need to rely on others, too."
He shakes the thought loose, turning his attention back to Sayla. Yes, what she's saying makes sense, and he nods.
The words 'doesn't want to be with you anymore' make his stomach churn in a way he didn't expect, and his mouth turns down. It's absurd, of course. For one thing, the very first principle of their bond is he's not going anywhere. That's the nature of the mission. But, he can't help but feel like...losing that trust they've shared would be worse than a bullet.
Still, it's a distant hypothetical. Sayla's right, they should speak. "That's a good idea," he decides, and nods. "Thank you, Doctor."
Try their best, together and individually. In a way, that's just how he'd describe working together in a squad - which, perhaps, is the truth of it. Is it all simply how teams work? Even when the work is just...togetherness?
Odd thought. He scrubs the back of his head again, but nods. "I believe so. I may need to think about it...but I believe I understand. Thank you, Doctor," he repeats.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
It's a hard lesson to learn, but Sousuke does seem to be getting it. "It may seem contradictory, but think of it this way. The Arbalest is a crucial part of the battle, but you have to rely on intel and others to do their parts. You have to rely on the Tuatha to provide you a place to launch from and return."
Still, Sousuke seems to be getting it... a little bit. Maybe he can work his way through it. "I'm glad. If it helps any, I really hope you three can make it work. Good luck, Sousuke."
Those three will need it... but, perhaps, no more than anyone else would.