2023-05-18: Here Comes A Thought
- Cast: Banagher Links, Marida Cruz
- Where: Ra Mari II
- Date: U.C. 0097 05 18
- Summary: Marida gives Banagher some mental preparation.
<Pose Tracker> Marida Cruz has posed.
Marida's quarters were quiet. That was generally how she preferred it. Though knowing who would be coming in just a few minutes, she suspected that quiet wouldn't say for long.
Zinnerman had expressly forbidden Marida from directly engaging with the Banshee, leaving it to the Unicorn. But Banagher was still young, still lacked experience, and still was prone to letting his emotion get the better of him. Marida knew from firsthand experience how vicious the Banshee pilot could be on the mental battlefield, and even if she could not fight Puru-1 directly, she would do anything in her power to help Banagher. Earlier that day, Marida had left Banagher a message:
Banagher - Please meet me in my quarters tonight after dinner. Dress as comfortably as you can. MC
Marida checks the time on Violette as the Haro flapped its wings at her. He would probably be here at anytime. Marida, for her part, was dressed in her most comfortable outfit, a white tank top and black running pants that she used for physical training. She pulls out a spare blanket from under her bed and lays it on the floor, going from corner to corner to make sure it was laid flat and perfectly lined up to not bunch against the furniture.
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
"Although the air leaks have been contained, the scope of the damage has yet to be ascertained, and it is possible that the number of dead and wounded will exceed that of last year's Industrial 7 attack. There are eyewitness accounts of a gigantic mobile armor, and while there are theories circulating that this was a Neo Zeon crime..."
Coverage of the destruction of Metis Colony has been non-stop. Banagher can't look away. He's barely slept, and he hasn't eaten -- watching his first nightmare play out all over again.
His thoughts are dark. Is there truly no way to change this world? If events like this happen, over and over... What's the point of any of it? Why is he fighting so hard?
ding
Lifting his phone, Banagher looks blearily at the screen. Marida..? That's unusual. Getting her to respond to messages is hard enough, she's never once messaged first.
>Sure. I'll be there.
Banagher has dinner in his quarters, then throws on a pair of pajama pants and tank top under his softest, fluffiest hoodie. With Haro in his arms, the young pilot shuffles toward Marida's quarters.
Knocking quietly, he works up a smile for Marida when she opens the door.
"Miss Marida. Thanks for inviting me over." Banagher looks around her to Violette, a bit of light returning to his eyes at the sight of the new Haro. "Is that her? Violette?"
"Hello! Hello!" Haro calls, extending a hand from beneath his winglet to Marida. "Handshake! Violette? Violette?"
Another little smile from Banagher. "One thing at a time, Haro."
<Pose Tracker> Marida Cruz has posed.
The purple Haro pops off her charger and extends a hand in return. "Charmed! Charmed!"
Marida nods to Banagher and lets him in, standing by the blanket. "Thank you for coming, Banagher. I invited you here for a training session of sorts. Between Char Aznable and the Banshee, we're beginning to deal with some powerful Newtypes. While you have impressive aptitude with the Unicorn, the physical battlefield is only half of the fight. I want to ensure that you can hold your own on the mental battlefield."
She sits down cross-legged on the blanket and pats the other side, wordlessly inviting him to sit as well.
"Keeping control of your mind and your emotions is key to keeping control in a fight.
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
A Haro handshake occurs! It's absolutely charming. Banagher fumbles for his phone, snapping a picture of the moment. This is definitely going up on Haroics.
"A training session?" Banagher walks in, looking down at the blanket. He listens, sitting down in a mirror of Marida's posture.
There's a little wince as Marida mentions Char and the Banshee. "Yeah, Full Frontal tried to teach me the same thing. He did a terrible job of it, though."
"I'm willing to give your way a try, Miss Marida." Banagher gives her a tired smile. "What do we do first?"
<Pose Tracker> Marida Cruz has posed.
Marida nods and closes her eyes. "First, I want you to close your eyes and recall the fight in Seattle. Try to put yourself back in the mindset of battle. Recall every stress, every fear, and every worry. See if you can identify every single thought that was in your head."
She puts her own mind back, though only to an extent. She doesn't need Banagher knowing about what Puru-1 put in her head quite yet. "Knowing your thoughts is the first step to controlling them."
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
As soon as Marida asks it of him, Banagher closes his eyes, trusting her utterly.
"I-- are you sure about this? It was awful." He shifts slightly, cracking open one eye to check with Marida. "I... alright."
Banagher takes a deep breath and lets the memories wash over him. The Coordinate unlocking. Char trying to shoot him down. The Banshee saving him, then attacking him. Being used as a scapegoat by a terrorist group.
Distress echoes from him in heavy waves, fed by the despair of the events at Metis Colony. "I-- " Banagher swallows thickly. "O--okay. I think I've got this part."
<Pose Tracker> Marida Cruz has posed.
Marida nods. She herself is running through the thought of Puru-1, who or what she is, and the fate of Elpeo Puru. "The key is to be able to identify these negative thoughts and accept them, rather than react to them. You are almost taking yourself out of the equation of your own thoughts to approach them objectively."
"Most of our worries in life are focused on the future, the unknown, what 'might' happen. The only moment that truly matters is the moment you are in now. What 'is' happening. The moment your mind wanders, it begins to ruminate, dwell, criticize."
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
"I don't want to accept them!" Banagher hisses, eyes still closed. "They're -- awful! Seattle was horrible, how can I accept anything that happened there?"
Haro flaps his way to Banagher at the sound of the young pilot's distress, settling in his lap. "Banagher! Banagher!"
Taking a breath, Banagher calms himself. "I'm okay, Haro. This is just tough training."
"If I only dwell in the current moment..." Worries crowd Banagher's mind, both past and future. "I'll -- give it a shot. I don't think anything bad could come of it."
Wrapping his arms around Haro, he sighs. Accept what happened and stay in the moment. It's difficult. By nature, Banagher wants to fight for change. Much of his time is spent figuring out how to do just that.
But Marida is right. Nothing can be changed about the past. Even if he hates what happened, he can't change it. He can only move forward.
Ever so slightly, Banagher's shoulders relax. "I did what I could."
<Pose Tracker> Marida Cruz has posed.
Marida moves behind Banagher and gently places her hands on his shoulders. "It is natural to feel fear and doubt. There is no shame in it. Fear and doubt are what keep us alive. Acceptance is knowing that these thoughts will come, no matter what. Dwelling will not make them go away. At worst, it can set off a domino effect, spiraling you down further and further into despair."
She gently squeezes. "That is what the Banshee is counting on. If you leave even one domino open for her, she'll push it down. She's even gotten to me once or twice."
"What has happened, happened. What will happen, will happen. The most important thing is the here and now, and that you do all you can, because that's all you can ever do. When this fight is over, when we take down the Vists and get the Box...there will be all the time in the world to think about the future."
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
Banagher only startles a little as Marida places her hands on his shoulders, keeping his eyes closed. "Koji said the same thing, about the Banshee. That it's trying to wear us down."
The gentle pressure on his shoulder muscles feels nice. Bangaher is very tense -- both from stress, and from bad posture while tinkering on projects. "Is this how you stay so calm in battle, Miss Marida? It must've taken you years to master.."
"The Banshee terrifies me." Banagher murmurs. "I've never won a fight against it, and somehow it -- knows me. I don't know how to save its pilot... And I don't know how long until it manages to take me down for good."
Tension builds up in the young pilot again. His breathing accelerates. "I can't just let things happen... I have to do more. For everyone's sake. We have to finish this!"
<Pose Tracker> Marida Cruz has posed.
"I've done many things in my life that have required me to decenter from myself like this. It doesn't happen immediately, but even being aware is a good start."
She sighs as Banagher tenses up again, her hands squeezing down again. ""I want to save her too. I...need to save her. If only to prove something to myself. And we 'will' finish this, Banagher Links. You must also remember that you are not alone. You have me, Captain Zinnerman, Princess Mineva, Leina, the combined crews of the Garincieres and the Ra Mari. We are all here behind you, pushing you forward to victory."
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to bring up painful memories." Banagher says, quietly, his arms tightening around Haro. He can't imagine what sorts of things Marida has faced.
Banagher's expression softens, then he breathes out a sigh. "I won't forget, I promise. There's no way I could've come this far without you and everyone, Miss Marida. And if we all do our best..."
"What will happen, will happen." It's spoken very quietly, but there's a new certainty to the young pilot's voice.
<Pose Tracker> Marida Cruz has posed.
Marida's mouth curls into the slightest of smiles as her arms momentarily move to give Banagher a hug, but pull back before committing. "That's exactly right, Banagher. Don't hesitate to come to me if you need any more guidance."
Violette rolls over in front of Banagher and Haro, an arm extending out in an "okay" gesture. "I'll help too! I'll help too!"
Marida pauses for a second and lets out a soft chuckle at her Haro. "...I was looking up information on Haros and saw a post on a forum that said it was good for them to socialize. Perhaps I can let Violette out every once in a while to play with Haro."
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
"Thank you, Miss Marida." Banagher opens his eyes and smiles at her, just barely missing the almost-hug. "And thank you too, Violette!"
"Violette! Violette!" Haro cheers, waving his flaps. It seems the two are already fast friends!
"I'd love that. Haro needs more contact with friends in person. He's been video chatting with Leina's Haros, but it's different when they can actually play together." Banagher smiles, looking down at his companion. "What do you think, Haro?"
"Yes! Yes!" Haro mirrors Violette's gesture.
And it'll give Banagher an excuse to spend more time with Marida, which can only be a good thing. He feels better already.
"Thank you, Miss Marida." His smile brightens. "For everything."
<Pose Tracker> Marida Cruz has posed.
"Of course, Banagher. And thank you as well, for everything you do. I know what it's like to be forced into something like this at a young age. You're stronger than you know, Banagher Links."