2022-12-29: The Wounds On Our Hearts
- Log: 2022-12-29: The Wounds On Our Hearts
- Cast: Kamille Bidan, Sayla Mass
- Where: Inoue Hospital, Tsutsujidai
- OOC - IC Date: 29 December 0096
- Summary: Sayla and Kamille come off their respective night shifts- and make a connection. They learn the shape of the scars left by Casval and Quattro.
<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.
Kamille has been trapped in Tsutsujidai without warning. No way to contact Fa or the Ra Mari, no way to signal that he is alive and in one piece. He isn't sure what happens when he runs out of the medications he's taken since he recovered from his trance state.
But there's a hospital here, and that means there's work to be done.
So far as the residents know, he's Dr. Kamille Bidan, he knows how to do urgent care, and he's helping out with no questions asked. And a long night shift in the ER might be exhausting on many levels, but work gives him something to focus on and some way to make a difference.
So now he sips at his coffee, looking a bit haggard and stifling a yawn as his replacement takes over his shift.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Dr Bidan is not the only one wrapping up late tonight- Dr Sayla Mass has been throwing herself aggressively into doing all she could. Despite repeated request and promises not to. But the further into the crisis she gets- and the longer she's away from Leina- and the foundation and the alliance- the more she has to do.
She also feels like she has to do something to justify raiding Tsutsujidai's limited supply of withdrawal medication for a patient who is too wary to come near a hospital.
She steps out of the change room, having at least stolen a shower and changed, and looks around. "Oh, Dr Bidan. Good evening. Morning? I've lost track a bit." She gives a tired smile and wave. Her eyes shift to the coffee. "Knew I forgot something." She sighs, and makes no effort to actually go back and get one for herself.
"...How are you holding up?" The questions feels like one she's asking a lot lately, but that can't be a surprise. Often to stop other people asking first. Unlike the last time she and Kamille talked, she was... harder to get a read off. But right now, Sayla's exhaustion and the worry that she hides on her face is... much louder. She's trying to dampen it, but... it creeps out.
<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.
"It's 3 AM, so technically the second." Kamille glances at his watch and rubs at his eyes. Her exhaustion would be easy to read even if Kamille wasn't a Newtype, and his own leaks out, a sense of being enervated and worn thin. It all flows together.
"I'm intact. Spending Christmas away from Fa sucked hard, and I wish I could just let her know where I am. That she hasn't lost me again." He rubs at his temples. "But I think I saved a lot of people, and you did too. So we've got that."
Even in his sleepy state, his gaze is still penetrating as the night sky when he wants it to be. "Also, I figure it's hard on everyone," he adds, pointedly.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla nods. "...Right. The constant rain is kind of making time hard to track." Sayla nods, sadly. "...Yeah. This is the first year I've been away from Leina for Christmas. I may have... spent a chunk of the evening looking for a tree in what was left of the shopping district." She has a lot of the same fears Kamille has.
Sayla gives a tired smile. "...Yeah. Doing what we can matters." She looks over to Kamille, and in a sign she's not thinking, she moves to put a hand on his shoulder. Her fingers accidentally brush his neck. All it takes is a touch.
A blonde haired little girl decides to settle an argument between her father- a man immediately recognizable as Zeon Zum Deikun to modern eyes, but known the girl simply as 'Daddy'. "Hmmmm. I love Daddy, but... I love Casval most!"
~~~~
The same girl walks around with her brother and mother on Halloween, dressed as a witch, carrying a black kitten with patches of white on his mouth snuggled in, refusing to let him go. The cat startles at a noise, and he runs off, the girl starts to run after him, calling "Lucifer!", but trips. Her mother runs to her and the boy rushes off after him, and a minute later, comes back, his face and arm scratched, leaves in his hair and cat in hand.
~~~~
The girl finds the earth heavy. Strange. Busy. She clings to her brother's arm, as Mr Jimba talks to them, as kindly as she's ever heard him. "Prince Casval, Princess Artesia, it's not safe for you in Munzo anymore. Your father has passed away, and... we have been unable to locate your mother yet. I'm sorry." The old man sighs. "My wife and I will look after you until we find her. But for now... you'll be Edouard and Sayla Mass."
~~~~
Edouard had grabbed Sayla out of school suddenly, pulled her onto the back of her horse, and rode full tilt for home. She was terrified. Less than a week ago word had come that their birth mother had passed away, and Lucifer had died not long after. The little graves the family had made for them both hadn't felt like enough... but it was the best they could do. Her hand settled on the sidearm that her foster father had given her, the handle sanded down and adjusted for her. "Edouard, what's going on? What happened?" He didn't answer.
Eventually, they came in view of what was left of the farm. The fire was nearly burnt out- but there were bullet casings in the dirt. Her parents bodies were in the fire, badly burnt but recognizable. She jumped off the horse, but Edouard stopped her rushing in. "It's too late, Artesia."
When it finally died out, they searched the house for anything left. Any of their belongings. Any sign they had been there. When it finally ended, Sayla collapsed on what was left of the porch and cried. Casval joined her for a while, before he started digging the graves.
After the burial, Sayla went over to their birth mother's grave. She kneeled there for a while. She couldn't imagine where they were going to go now. Casval came over with two suitcases, and handed her her passport, a shuttle ticket, and the last of their family's money. She noticed he did not have the same.
"Casval... where are you going?"
"It's a man's duty to avenge his father."
"Please... Don't go, big brother!"
"Be safe, Artesia. I promise I'll write."
The memories come faster now. More quickly, less detailed... but enough.
A man Sayla holds at gunpoint in a red pilot suit. He removes the mask, and she sees her brother's face. He kicks the gun out of her hand and flees.
At Jaburo, she seeks out an infiltrator. She asks him why he would join Zeon, he tells her to quit the military and to return to the Artesia her knew. Mirai fires from afar, and he runs- and Sayla lies to her as to what she saw.
In Texas Colony, they talk, him on a White Horse, her in a buggy. He once again tells her to leave the military, while she again asks him why, and tells him he has misunderstood their fathers ideology. Hours later, a briefcase full of gold and a letter addressed to Sayla Mass is found. She tells Bright the truth and confirms what he overheard. The gold is distributed to the crew, while Sayla cries over the letter.
A red Gelgoog drives toward the cockpit of the Core Booster, and a voice cries out in the minds of herself, Char and Amuro. "Captain, don't!" The Gelgoog's Naginata shatters the cockpit but spares Sayla- and in so doing causes the death of the girl who saved her life, and sets into motion events to come.
In A Bao A Qu, the Core Booster skids to the ground, having reached it's limit. She rushes to find Amuro and Char, as though she can feel their fight. They duel with antique swords, arguing over the true enemy. "Stop it, Amuro! Stop it, brother! You two don't have to fight each other! Just because there's a war going on doesn't mean you two have to...!" Char skewers Amuro's shoulder, and Amuro's blade pierces Char's helmet. An explosion sends her rocketing into them. She tries to cover Amuro, asking if he's okay.
"Artesia..."
"Please, brother! Stop this! You haven't any reason to hate Amuro!"
"If I can't accept him as an enemy, I have to kill him when I have the chance."
"I thought your enemy was the Zabi family?!"
Another exposion tears the three apart, and Sayla rebounds roughly off the wall, her helmet crashing harshly. For once, Casval comes to save her. The two find themselves listening to a dying Zeon soldier- As Casval walks away from her for the last time, he says the last words she'd hear him say in person.
"You're already an adult. Forget about this war. Become a good woman." He gives her a smile she hasn't seen in nearly a decade. "Young Amuro is calling you."
Sayla sits poolside, as she hears a speech from Dakar. Her whole body tenses. As it ends, one thought is chief among those in her head. As much as she wishes it weren't. "I may have to kill my brother."
The final memory is one of complete and total despair, more emotion than anything, of the moment she feels her brother and Amuro kill each other.
<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.
Kamille's eyes widen and cloud as Sayla inadvertently opens the channel between the two Newtypes, and as he receives, so he sends out. He cannot help it.
The stars, the stars that always call to him even before he knows what he's feeling, pulling him into a fascination with space, a feeling like the Green Noa colony is a beautiful, fragile cage. A small child who cuts his own hair and shreds frilly clothes given to him by relatives until he is able to speak for himself and declare who he is, who shouts and demands and insists until the world listens.
The first adult to ever listen, a charismatic man in sunglasses who sees his anger and helps him channel it instead of telling him to bottle it up. AEUG, a dysfunctional group, but one Kamille clearly misses dearly; the longing can be tangibly felt.
Kamille saying the name aloud, 'Char Aznable,' for the first time. Kamille striking at Quattro, bringing tears of compassion to the man's uncovered eyes.
'If you don't want to get hit, stop screwing up.' 'Just don't think about it too hard. Just move through it.' 'Kamille, listen to me!' 'Kamille...!'
Blurs of nothing, the world through a thick, frosted glass, the world through an ocean of nothing. Here and there, the sparkle of recognition when someone visits.
A television, flickering as it updates the Axis situation. A psychic tear, a rainbow of pain that stirs images of phantoms-Emma Sheen, teenage Katz and Matilda, Four Murasame, Rosamia. And someone else, a swan, a mother, who is Lalah!?
In reality, in the world that is now, Kamille stumbles back and holds his head as the coffee spills to the floor. He breathes in and out, remembering what he learned about distinguishing his own thoughts from others. Remember what he teaches to the young Newtypes he knows now. "Sorry," he gasps. "My dosage is...just...a moment."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
The problem with opening your heart means that your heart becomes open. And when the reason for the opening is a link to a person where things are hurtful and complicated. But also it exposes you. When the connection finally breaks, Sayla stumbles backwards, eyes wide. Terrified.
She spent so long keeping herself closed off. She has never had this experience- she knew of it, but she never had it. Right now, though, it's like she's been tore open. And she knows things she absolutely, absolutely shouldn't.
AEUG... All the dead... and even her. Even *her*.
"Right." She responds, breath sharp, looking around like expecting threat. "We...we need to be somewhere else. Somewhere private. Now." She looks outside the hospital. She doesn't want to be in here. She stops herself reaching for Kamille's hand. "This way. Outside. 3AM in the garden will be quiet, even now." She starts moving, though. She can't just. Leave this. Not a chance.
<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.
Kamille has connected on levels like this before. It never feels good, or right. It's intrusive. Sayla didn't choose to tell him all of that. What right does he have to know it now? Just because their own minds betrayed them...?
"Right," he manages as he stands back up, kicking at his shoes to splash off the drops of coffee, as if that will make a difference. He follows Sayla to the garden using his phone as a light, taking Sayla's hand. Thankfully this time he can touch her without any 'connection.'
"Sorry," he says again, as if it's his fault. "Sometimes this...I mean, you're a Newtype. I'm told I'm just more receptive and I broadcast a lot." He scowls, leaning against a tree. And then tries to think of what to say, where to start.
"He was your...jeez. Bastard never even mentioned-well, he never mentioned much of anything about himself."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
The rain is grounding, cool, real on the skin. At at least as real as the rest of the world. The rain wets her blonde hair. "I know. Leina does it too." She is a bit more in control now. Or at least she's presenting it for her own sake. She pauses. "Normally I can.... stop it happening, like last time. But ever since Amuro came back..."
It gets to the point. "...Yes. He is. And I need you to promise me something." Sayla, for once, looks weak, vulnerable. Because she is. "Please, don't tell anyone. Especially not Leina. Too many people know already." She looks down. "But Leina... Leina can't get brought in to this. She's already been through too much."
She waits, nervously. What did he see? What shouldn't see but haven't seen. "...I won't tell anyone what I saw. It's no one's business but yours."
<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.
Kamille lets the rain splash over him, his hair growing damp and heavy with it as he wipes his bangs away from his forehead.
"I'll never tell anyone. You didn't even tell me. I just...saw. I knew there was some connection there, just wasn't sure what it was." He shakes his head. "Just like him to take a burden upon himself for someone else's sake they didn't ask for, I guess. Old habits. Or he decided he needed to and found an excuse, who the hell knows..." He pauses. "Sorry. I-what you must have been through, to have to hide that..."
To her last statement, he shrugs. "I've told Banagher who my mentor was, since I'm kind of mentoring him. His reaction was kind of cute, actually, all star-struck. And Full Frontal knows, because I think he has some of Char's memories. Be careful around him, cuz he'll use it to manipulate you." He huffs. "The rest is...whatever."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla, for once, breathes a long sigh of relief. "Thank you." She's not... happy, but there's a weight off her shoulders. "...Yeah. Something changed in him when the Zabi's murdered our father, but he was still my brother. It wasn't until..." She catches herself. She hasn't talked like this to anyone. Ever. With Nanai, it was far too awkward. She reaches into her bag for a hip flask- it's still cheap booze but it's a steadying measure.
"I've only ever told one person who I was. And even then she got the short version." She pauses. "...He's told more people than I have." She pauses. "....Bright knew. Amuro knew, but by then Amuro and I... weren't talking. Mirai I told... but there was enough going on in that conflict."
Sayla looks down. "Kai was the only reason I knew the speech at Dakar was coming. He had the decency not to mentioned Edouard in his list of identities. I don't know whether it was for my sake, or because no one knew who Edouard Mass was."
"...I am not looking forward to that conversation. The first time I met him I was more than harsh enough... But it might be inevitable." Mineva has been the soul of discretion so far. Not now. But... "...I was told that he was a cyber newtype they imprinted with what was left of the psychoframe after... Axis." She pauses. "But he knew Leina as my daughter... and I never told him that. We've kept it on the downlow to make sure no one targeted her."
That's not how Leina is registered at Kamille and Fa's clinic. Sayla doesn't even seem to have noticed. "But not as Artesia's. He never used the name the Ral's gave me in private."
<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.
In a better scenario, Kamille might worry about Sayla being so quick to reach for a drink. Given the circumstances, he absolutely understands and bites his tongue.
"You don't want this to reach Leina and hurt your daughter." Kamille did catch that. "You want it to stop with you. You felt it when he...and you couldn't even talk about it. Fuck, Sayla." Sayla, not Artesia. He uses the name she calls herself now.
"I drive myself crazy whenever I try to figure out why he did things. What his thought process was. He was a Newtype too, you'd think he wouldn't be so opaque." He shivers slightly in the cold as it soaks through his coat.
"If Full Frontal didn't call you by the name Char-Casval would know you as, maybe he didn't get everything. Which is good. For a lot of reasons. Psychoframes don't have the right to the memories of the dead, and neither do the Sleeves. And neither do we, I guess...but here we are."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla nods, not even processing the word she used right now. "I wonder if that was why. I used to be able to sense him, but... he couldn't sense me. Otherwise Lalah wouldn't have..." She hakes her head. It's a lot. "Maybe he could make walls the way I can. Maybe he had closed himself so much with grief and revenge that... The only thing he could feel was that and..." She sighs. "Amuro."
She notices Kamille shiver, and notices it. She's probably shivering herself right now. It's all a bit muted. "...I hope so." She shakes her head. "You're right..." And then she says something she doesn't say, without even thinking, the words just come out. "I just hope that he stays that way..."
This time, she realizes what she says, and shakes her head. "...Thanks, Kamille. But we should... really get home. I'm already keeping you out. My ride should be here soon, are you okay to get home?"
Her ride is a lanky man with as many as four swords. He can probably carry them both, if need be.
<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.
There's that name again, the one that stuck in the back of his head since Axis. Lalah. Kamille is sure someone mentioned it to him once, but how? Why? Is it one of the bits he lost?
"Those two were..." Well, he has no idea, so he just shrugs again. "I'll do my best to protect him. Banagher, I mean. Once I get back to him, I won't-I won't abandon him." Seems more raw feelings are coming to the surface after that. "And you don't shut out Leina, alright? We've both been on the other end of it, so we just remember that."
His smile is subdued. "Yeah, I think I could use a ride." Fa would be very frustrated if he gave himself a cold on top of everything else.