2022-10-24: Symptomatic

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<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.


Asuka has let Ouka try to get out of bed, but so far it hasn't gone well.

Every time she gets up, she's just dizzy, and weak. Rest isn't helping as much as she hoped. Eventually she calls Akane over to Ouka's apartment. For the most part, Asuka has been trying to keep Ouka in bed, only helping her up and around when it becomes necessary. She didn't go to school today either.

She just called in.

When Akane knocks at the door, she lets her in, and leads her to the bedroom of the small apartment, "She's not getting much better even with all this rest. It's like her body isn't... spacing the fluids right. They're not going where they're supposed to."

Asuka crosses her arms and tells Akane the truth, "I don't know how we can fix this here. If we took her to a hospital standard medical treatment probably wouldn't help either. I don't think they'd be able to figure out what's even wrong."

There's a deep breath, and her blue eyes just, soften almost imperceptibly over Ouka, "... Wish I could have taken you to swim practice today, like you wanted."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

There's some actual movement happening? In Akane Shinjo's Tsutsujidai, the place explicitly optimized to have as little movement as possible?

She doesn't like that very much at all. The whole point of this was that kaiju attacks were making her feel miserable but she still needed to peel off all the Vessels of Light's friends so she could actually have a straightforward fight and win.

Akane needs to retake control over this situation. She's on the move toward Ouka's place, cell phone in hand; she's texting en route.

> you said the maintenance kaiju could handle it

>> They could! But you would still need to have at least some idea of what she needs and how it's made. There is a limit to how contextless an idea can be, unfortunately...

Oh, Akane thinks, slightly blankly.

Following along with Asuka, Akane lets out a sigh. "... Yeah, I'm not sure either. When Hibiki showed up with amnesia the hospital here couldn't do anything about that, either. I'm guessing it's... well, uh, I won't bore you but if a normal complete diet isn't doing it for her on this one I wouldn't even know where to begin."

She follows behind Asuka, looking to Ouka -- and then looking away. Ugh. This got complicated. Why does she even feel bad about this? If she'd died fighting Gonglee or something during the school festival that would've probably been a 'whatever,' but...

"... I'll try to take care of it," she says, awkwardly. 

<Pose Tracker> Ouka Nagisa has posed.

    Engineering tolerances are a bitch.

    If you compare Arado and Ouka against each other, for example, Arado is far more rugged whereas Ouka is overengineered. Arado is a super soldier in his own right: Extremely physically capable, durable, prone to sudden bouts of tactical brilliance which can also be ascribed to 'luck'. To maintain his own body he has his own unique demands... albeit in his case he only needs to eat as much as three grown men. Even if he can't get enough to feed his hungry though he's still capable of performing at an adequate level on a single ration. He'll just not be happy about it.

    Ouka, on the other hand, is less rugged and has far tighter engineering tolerances. There are wheels within wheels... and when one wheel breaks, it's hard to figure out exactly where the breakdown is happening and fix or replace what is broken. Her entire body relies on EVERYTHING running as expected.

    After her 'episode' within Yuta's apartment, Asuka took her back to her apartment for some much needed bed rest. Ouka was able to walk there on her own power, though no longer with the preternatural deadly grace of an Aurum. Climbing stairs in particular was difficult on her - requiring her to take a moment on every landing to allow her body to catch up with the demands being placed upon it. Asuka led her to her bed. She thanked Asuka... and suggested she can go.

    Asuka refused to go.

    The most frustrating part of all of this, for Ouka, is her inability to covince Asuka that she's okay. That Asuka doesn't have to worry about her. That Asuka can go to school without worrying over, without feeling concerned about her sickness. Once again people are fretting over her and she's holding them back. It hurts. She doesn't want to be an anchor around Asuka's neck too. She deserves to be free as much as she does. As much as any of her siblings do.

    When Akane comes, Ouka feels no doubt she would be able to help.

    Upon sighting her 'sister', Ouka brightens immediately. She is in bed, wearing simple soft blue pyjamas, with her hair worn loose. She is attempting to look as hale and healthy as possible - but there is a clear pallor to her skin, and she makes no attempt to stand up and approach Akane with an offer of a hug - like she would normally do.

    "Akane..." Ouka begins softly, "I'm sorry for worrying you both, I know you're busy." She then turns to Asuka. making a gentle apology for not being able to take her to swim practice. Ouka looks down and smiles sadly, "It's not your fault, Asuka. None of this." She then looks at Akane, "It's not you fault either. I know you're taking care of everything. It's my fault for not eating like I am supposed to, for not sleeping like I should."

    "I understand if I try harder, and do better, I will get better soon. Please help Asuka understand too?"

<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.


"He has amnesia?" Asuka sideeyes Akane, as if she just learned something new. "Didn't expect some guy that invited us over for movies was like that..."

She rubs the back of her neck, "I'm not sure either - and we really have the equipment for me to figure this out... if I did... maybe?"

She gives Akane a sidelong glance though, and it's clear Asuka doesn't think there's time for all of that.

She can feel the awkwardness off of Akane and she just feels bad, like she's putting her on the spot, after Misato all but got up in her face at school.

Ouka though, tries to tell her she's sorry for worrying them both, that it's a fault with her...

"I know it's not... my fault that is." Asuka tells her gruffly, "Ouka... now that I think about it. You refused food on all those GUTS trips."

There's a prolonged pause... and...

... she decides to share her theory. "Ouka... look. I remember the terrible stuff I saw, following you that day back to the School's temporary facility in Tokyo-3. So, I'm not really buying that it's your fault either..."

She's still watching Akane out of the corner of her eye, there's this unspoken grim implication, "...did the School do something to you so you wouldn't be able to leave? How'd you get fed before all this?"

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

"Yeah. He's doing a pretty good job, plus, you know, he's a real stiff-upper-lip, hero type," Akane notes for Asuka.

In the end, though, Ouka is the task at hand. "I'm less busy than you'd think!" Akane says, putting on that sunny smile and doing her best to handle it. ... it's just like when she moved here, she realizes, distantly -- the mask and the strain. That little window before she got comfortable but after she put everything together. This is... different, somehow, though.

She can't special dog her way out of this one, she realizes as she looks at Ouka. Gosh, she's pale; normally Akane wouldn't make this her problem, but... if Ouka dies, then --

-- well, hm. People would certainly be more upset with her, but... it's the wrong kind of upset. Not the sort of thing she has tools for.

She looks to Asuka, and nods. "Hey, uh -- don't ask me how I know," she says, "but I know a little bit about her diet. I've actually been trying to figure it out myself! I thought it'd work out here in Tsutsujidai, or at least that I'd have a little more time to figure it out, but... it seems like her diet is a liiiiiiiittle more specific than I thought."

She pinches the bridge of her nose, and gets curious. "... Jeez, though... I really thought we had more than four weeks on this one."

Why is every part of me so tense, she wonders to herself. I feel fine, and it's not like this is unmanageable... 

<Pose Tracker> Ouka Nagisa has posed.

    Did The School do somthing to you so you wouldn't be able to leave?

    She had never been asked that so bluntly before. Or, perhaps, she was never allowed to rememebr being asked that question so bluntly? Wheels within wheels.

    "Ah." Ouka's smile falters slightly, "I do recall our meeting in Mobile Moderator Facility within Tokyo-3. I was sick then too. No... that's not exactly right I suppose, isn't it? I was recovering from a cardiac arrest event."

    She says it with as much gravity as saying she was recovering from stubbing her toe.

    "You're right to assume that The School has ways to track and prevent me from leaving. Besides the conditioning, which Akane freed me from, there was also the circlet I wear. The emblem on it is actually a data recorder and antenna." Ouka blinks after she says that. Then she laughs gently, "Oh, sorry, sometimes I surprise myself with how easy it is to talk about things like this now. Nevermind. It's also what would let them trigger my recovery mode, and track my location. It has an internal power supply but it's dedicated mostly to maintaining the data recorded. It's more like... mm... I suppose like a black box?"

    A black box is designed to survive the destruction of the machine it is attached to. Is it really surprise that the machine that is 'Aurum-1' had her own black box?

    When Akane expresses that she thought she'd have more time ... Ouka looks down to her own hands gripping her sheets tightly. She is disappointed in herself, disappointed that she isn't able to do better. Akane is doing so much to help her. Did more for her than she ever thought possible. It's a wonderful opportunity and she is squandering it. Akane is so brave. Even pretending that she isn't so busy. What did she ever do to deserve such a wonderful little sister?

    "The School prepared my meals for me, and took regular measurements through the Moderator. If anything was too far out of tolerances, such as my weight or metabolism, and it couldn't be fixed with my diet... the Moderator could be used for a recalibration." 

<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.


Here's the thing, since Asuka's brain associates Akane with Mari - and she knows Mari is full of secrets, she doesn't even question that Akane knows about her diet.

"Yeah I figured you would, if anyone." She nods in approval, as if impressed.

"One they induced during testing." Asuka notes grimly, "Dr. Setme made it real clear she didn't care if you died. That they had a replacement. She wanted to put you back in immediately after that 'event'."

Asuka sounds disgusted. It was different when she thought Ouka was artificial like her, now that she knows she's a War Orphan, it makes her sick.

She listens to her speak more on it, the part about the circlet doesn't surprise her after everything that day.

"Misato confiscated your old circlet after the Locker Room incident. Even when you were in recovery mode, you still reacted to me grabbing that Doctor, Cero, even though you were catatonic. He had to shout a code to make you stop."

It's strange how easily she can talk about this too, without the threat of spilling NERV's secrets spilling over her head. When she speaks of the School preparing meals - the Moderator.

"... Akane. I trust you to handle it sure but - you shouldn't have to. Not after what happened with Misato. I want to make up for that."

She points a hand to her chest, "Let me handle it - I bet I can find Cero in no time flat, figure out exactly what you need to know. He's a coward, he'll squeal immediately if he doesn't have his protector there to save him."

Canting her head to the side, a thought occurs to her, "Renais would probably be upset if I didn't include her, she finds this kind of thing fun. And once we're done and Ouka's up on her feet again for good, there's nothing that'll be able to stop us from protecting this place."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Some of this Akane knew, of course -- though she can't say she came by it honestly, well. She's been very constructive with a lot of information she's come by dishonestly, historically, so that part has to be fine.

Some of this, however, is very new, and kind of... leaves Akane a little dumbstruck. All that for one child soldier? She knew they talked about her like a prize car but... jeez.

"I mean, I don't really need to cook for myself, so that gives me plenty of time," Akane insists. "And I do have some best guesses about what's up, but..." She hates the idea of saying that this one is beyond her.

So she doesn't.

Hearing Asuka underline how Ouka is simultaneously so disposable to the School and such a prize... Akane definitely feels some kind of way about that one but doesn't know how to voice it, so she settles for stubbornly stuffing down the feelings she has.

She can't quite manage it when Asuka offers to help. "That's unacceptable," she says. "That's a lot of risk -- even if this guy is that pathetic, they might send people to attack. It's pretty obvious they don't care about hurting people or taking hostages or anything," she continues, acting like she isn't in the room with two hostages right now, "so even if you guys can defend me and this place in general... I think that's too much." Her tone on this is fairly final.

She isn't sure what to do yet, though. "... I have a few guesses. I -- used to have some similar problems, but not as bad. I think I can at least give us a little more time to work with!"

The situation she changed in the hopes of getting better control over it is now wildly out of her control. She can't solve this. She could ask Rikka's mom, or Sayla, or --

-- no she couldn't. Sayla would hate her even more, and Rikka's mom would... well, would she really even know? Sometimes it seems like she knows everything, but in the end she's just another Repli-Compoid, right? And that might get back to Rikka, and then...

... Akane smiles broadly. "Just hang in there, okay? I'll figure something out." 

<Pose Tracker> Ouka Nagisa has posed.

    For her entire life Ouka has been a demonstration model. A prototype meant to show the furthest limits of what science could do without relying on mechanical prosthesis. True to School fashion they cheated a little - Ouka does have a tiny bit of chrome inside her brainpan - but overall the result was exactly as advertised.

    ... but perhaps just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. Or that the result would actually be worthwhile.

    Impressive or not, Aurum-1 is a logistical black hole. She has always been aware of this as well. Aware that while she was their prize possession she was also their heaviest burden. That the goal of The School, post-Aurum, was attempting to refine their process to the point they could produce Aurum-size results without an Aurum-size cost.

    ... that the goal of each class, each Boosted Child, was ultimately to replace her.

    Not much in Asuka's revelations surprise her. Not about Setme, and not about Cero. As much as she has a love for him for showing her and her siblings kindness, for giving them all names, she knows he is ultimately a weak man. The fact that her body attacked Asuka even while she was in a recovery state doesn't surprise her either. A large part of her conditioning is specifically set there to ensure loyalta and safety of the School Administrators.

    ... hearing that her old circlet was recover and kept by Misato, that bit is surprising to her though. "What... why? Is she trying to do... no, nevermind. It's fine." She tries to calm down. She can feel her body growing tense, the fight or flight kicking in.

    But... in some small way, she knows what the circlet is. It's her - her experiences, her thoughts, her memories. It's ... uncomfortable to think that someone is just walking around with a piece of her in their pocket.

    Breathe in, breathe out. Count backwards in German. Clench and unclench your hands, wiggle your toes. You are in control, your body is your own.

    "That's right."

    Ouka begins to rise from the bed. Carefully, slowly. She stands at full height and other than a brief lack of focus to her eyes she will manage to remain standing on her own power, without needing to hold herself up against wall or someone else in the room. It's clear that it was still taxing for her... but she did it.

    "Trust Akane, she has control of the situation. There's no need to put yourself or anyone else at risk. The School is a dangerous place. Besides Boosted Children, they also have Boosted Soldiers, security systems and more in place. As capable as you and Renais are... it's not worth the risk."

    Ouka will then move to reach out to Asuka. To place a handle gently on her shoulder. So tender and soft when compared to the clenched fist that threw her in a locker oh so many months ago.

    Gold eyes stare into blue. A voice tender and sweet: "I know you can do it. You'd find a way. But I'm fine, and the potential costs are too great. I'd rather have you and Renais here, with Akane and me, than risk going to that awful place." 

<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.


Asuka's face falls the moment Akane says its unacceptable. She just looks away at the finality of it. She doesn't look angry at her, just... upset, and maybe even sad.

When Ouka tries to stand and say 'that's right'. And Asuka sort of lurches her way reflexively, before... seeing she's alright, at least right now.

She tells her to trust Akane. That the School is a dangerous place. And puts a hand on her shoulder, as she looks at her, then closes her eyes at the soft touch.

"I do. I do trust her. I just..."

Opening her eyes again, she looks at Ouka, "...I just feel a certain responsibility towards you. Ever since you spelled out to me that you're just some kid the School grabbed. You're not meant to be a part of this life. You were never meant to be. Not you, and not Seolla."

One of her hands clinches into a fist, apparently thinking of what she'd do right now if one of those School Doctors were here. "You lost control out there. And it was my fault. I thought they were going to dispose of you - and when they didn't - I was sure they would if it ever happened again. So I stayed away - and Misato told me they programmed you so that you couldn't even acknowledge my existence."

Eventually her hand just relaxes, and Asuka doesn't say anything for a while... "This is supposed to be your chance at the life you never had and I just feel... helpless, again, to do anything to help you." A soft exhalation of breath, "Anything at all."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Ouka tells Asuka to trust Akane -- and... this is how it was supposed to be, right? People trusting her. People relying on her. What's this feeling, then? Why does Akane want to retreat further and further beyond -- everything, actually being told that?

"The whole point of coming here for both of you was not being someone else's disposable attack dog," Akane says, coming out toneless -- much moreso than she'd like. "So I'll figure it out. Asuka, you can try stuff -- but don't get anyone hurt. I know Seolla wanted to get Ouka some more of the food from there. You might be able to do something with that." If nothing else: it'll extend the clock.

Akane pulls out her phone again.

> would it work if Ouka had a dream of her own?

Akane's foot taps impatiently as she waits for the return text -- which comes soon enough.

>> Of course... though I imagine she'd still need to eat in such a case.
> what? i thought real humans didn't need to...
>> Real humans don't need to eat under these circumstances, no. You are aware that she's been modified, yes? ... though there is a short supply of 'real humans' in the Earth Sphere, indeed.
> oh

Akane chews on that in her head for a few seconds. "... Asuka, can you handle taking care of her for the next day or two while I come up with a meal plan?" Akane asks. It's a puzzle, now -- and an urgent one. Certain types of stimulation work great for Akane. This is one.

She takes a few steps back away from Asuka, looking back toward Ouka. "I'm working on it. That's all I can really give you right now."

<Pose Tracker> Ouka Nagisa has posed.

    A long time ago there was a litte girl, her hair the color of cherry blossoms. She had come among the multitude - all of them cold, tired, hungry, and in some way traumatized. They were pushed through the sorting machine together, and one by one the multitude was whittled away. The final product was no longer the little girl that came in among the many. Even her hair's vibrant pink hues had darkened to a deep green. And she was alive, alone.

    She does not remember that trauma. But in the deepest place of her heart the impression of that isolation had left her with a primal fear of it. Above all else, simply having Asuka and Akane there with her saves her from her very worst fear.

    And she is thankful.

    "You have both already done more for me than I could ever hope to repay..." The First Boosted Child says earnestly, "And the same with Arado and Seolla. I wish Seolla had stayed with us... I understand why she felt she couldn't but ... I just wish she was here."

    She gives a forlorn sigh, but then looks towards Asuka again. The girl had expressed her concern over what happened in the locker room after all. It was a terrible thing that had happened. She's glad she didn't hurt her more - or at least that's what she thought. Now she realized that Asuka was hurt deep down. Just in a place she couldn't see until now. She gives a slightly admonishing smile, "If it was going to happen it wouldn't have been your fault. Just like it wouldn't be Seolla, Arado, or Akane's. All of you would have stopped it if you could. You can't help the things that have already been done to me."

    Such a wonderful friend she had found in Asuka. It hurts to think that she was forced, for so long, to ignore her.

    Akane then suggests that Asuka take care of her for a few days. Part of her wants to object, to decline. But if it will make Akane feel more at ease that she's being cared for, and give Asuka a chance to feel like she's no longer helpless... then she'll tolerate being a burden even just for a little bit.

    "That sounds like a good idea, right Asuka?" Golden eyes turn from Akane to Asuka, her expression hopeful. "Maybe we can watch a few more fairy tale movies together, too? I still feel bad that we didn't get to finish Tangled. It was a lot of fun to experience that with everyone. I'd never have had a chance to do that, if I had not come here."

<Pose Tracker> Asuka Shikinami Langley has posed.


Asuka looks over at Akane, and nods quietly after a moment. She's not Akane's disposable attack dog after all. Her purpose is to love her. Of course she wants to keep her safe.

"Okay I'll. Think on what to try."

Not being able to hurt anyone or leave limits her options. Maybe there's some lab in town that would have better equipment for her to work with?

It sucks having all this knowledge and not having the means to utilize it.

If she had NERV's labs maybe but if she goes back, same problem! It feels like a lose lose no matter how she does it.

While Akane texts, Asuka looks at Ouka, and when she says it wouldn't have been her fault, "It never is." Her eyes flick towards the floor. As she thinks of how many of her sisters were disposed of after failing to beat her in some head to head evaluation.

It's always someone else in charge.

"It never is." Softer, as she repeats it to herself, as if she can't even convince herself of that right now.

Akane suggests that she take care of Ouka for a while, and there's a nod... she's no good at nursing someone back to health, such things don't come naturally to her, but she can at least sit with her.

"Sure. I can do that. I'll watch her until you figure this out."

She tries her best to sound optimistic, because she does trust that Akane can handle it, "Don't worry about calling in for us either. I'll take care of it."

That's one thing she could do at least to take something off of Akane's shoulders. Suddenly all the things she was looking forward to trying at School now that she doesn't have to be an Eva pilot don't seem to matter as much anymore.

Ouka suggests more movies and... Asuka puts an arm around her waist as if to help guide her. At the very least, she can see the hopeful expression in those golden eyes. And a desire to watch more... "Lets move you to the couch maybe." She says softly, "... we'll put on whatever you like, it's fine."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

That -- whatever-it-is feeling gets to be a little too much; Akane takes another step back. Asuka can take care of it. That's already Asuka's purpose -- so --

"I'm going to get started. Asuka, if she shows any new symptoms, get in touch, okay? I need to go shopping."

Okay, it's definitely... well, no, it's not definitely definitely anything, but... she can start with that assumption and see where it goes. She's under the gun a little bit here.

"I'll handle getting someone else to do it, too... I know you can't stick around here forever. I'll ask Marusan, maybe?" Surely Marusan won't reject her -- she likes having excuses to get out of the house anyway, right?

Akane moves to leave, then, knowing what she has to do to keep this going. ... she just needs to beat Gridman or the Evoluder and then get everyone their own dreams and it'll be fine. If she can just get that far, then...

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