2022-09-28: Naginata
- Log: 2022-09-28- Naginata
- Cast: Sayla Mass, Akane Shinjo
- Where: ?????
- OOC - IC Date: ?????
- Summary: Akane doesn't make a friend.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
It had been approximately two weeks since Sayla had slept at all well. It had been nine days since she'd slept more than two or three hours consecutively.
Those first days, before the drop, she had tried everything she could to make contact, but the Alliance was still rebuilding after Master Asia's violent betrayal, and the new chosen crest holders- as far as Sayla was concerned- barely fit to succeed and utterly too inept to lead. And there had been something else that was more important than all of it. Something she had sworn to herself she would never forget.
Her ward deserved that much.
And on that most important day, hundreds of thousands of lives were lost in an instant.
It was now 3:48AM local time, March 12, 0093. Thirteen days since her older brother had declared war on Earth. Nine days since Neo-Zeon had destroyed Tibet. And right now, as Amuro and Bright fought to stop Casval, Sayla was here on earth- helpless and unable to interfere. Unable to do anything to stop her brother.
Just as it had always been.
The living room TV is on ESN, and her phone is running the audio feed from Side 6 TV News- on an unhelpful delay. Her laptop is refreshing any sources but it all comes down to one ultimate response-
"Unfortunately, the Minovsky Particle interference is too thick to provide any further updates, so we'll stay here on standby until we can report more." They cut back to the talking heads, but Sayla has tuned them out.
None of her contacts are responding. Oscar's phone was engaged. She can't lean on Taiga to use GGG's resources- after all, the Gutsy Galaxy Guard are dead, and would be up there with Londo Bell if they weren't. The PPL doesn't have the capability to cut through Minovsky interference and Londo Bell were clearly otherwise occupied..
She'd been on the phone to Mirai not long ago, the two trying to keep each other sane. Hathaway had been taken up to space by some Federation official, but that left Mirai and Cheimin on Earth. Sayla had practically begged them to come to the Villa but even Sayla, with all the money and people and resources at their disposal, couldn't get them out of Hong Kong.
So here she was- alone, in her living room, unable to do a damned thing or help one single person, let alone herself. A half empty bottle of vodka sat nearby, along with a cold cup of coffee. She'd sent her ward to bed hours ago- she didn't need to see this. She'd been through enough already.
And so, at 03:55 local time, Sayla Mass sat on her couch, eyes on the news, waiting for something.
Anything.
Anything at all.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
As Sayla sits there, alone and desperate, the familiar thud-thud-thud of footfalls down the stairs begins.
It turns out, sending your ward to bed hours ago means she wakes up. Time passes. It's like that.
A girl wearing a shirt featuring Dark Hinoen's kaiju form peeks her head out. Looks down to the bottle of vodka. To the cup of coffee.
It actually takes her a second to go down. She forgets to play the part, because actually seeing things up close gives her a little bit of pause. This is Sayla Mass? This is who she is when she's alone?
This feels... too easy, somehow. Everyone has moments of weakness; few of them are both so weak and so resonant. Akane finishes heading down the stairs, looking to Sayla.
(... It was Akane, wasn't it, who sat down next to her at four in the morning?)
She puts on the mask. Sayla's been strong for her so many times; she owes it to Sayla to repay that. (Or at least, that's what she tells herself, as she slips cleanly into character.)
"Still no news...?" comes her first question. She scoots a little bit closer. Her expression is grave.
This tied up with Sayla, Akane can feel all that pain -- and more than that...
"... I think you should get some fresh air," she appends almost immediately. With a glance at the alcohol, she adds, "Please tell me you ate while I was asleep."
Akane stares out toward the edge of her city -- and beyond, into space. "Something tells me there's a little extra going on here..."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
When Sayla looks up to Akane she looks like someone going through hell. It takes her a moment to shake her head in response to Akane's question. "Not yet." She grabs her coffee, and as much as she's trying to hide it, her hands are shaking. She takes a sip, even though it's lukewarm at best.
She's trying to hold it together for Akane- because she sure as hell can't hold herself together for herself.
"I-" She pauses, as if trying to remember. The telltale sign that she hasn't. She doesn't look back at Akane. Until she registers the comment on fresh air. "No!" That sudden outburst is loud- and honestly- fearful. She tries to rein herself, her voice in. "Not until the fighting's over." She knows there might not BE fresh air after that but- She isn't thinking straight.
And all of a sudden Sayla sags. "I want to believe they can stop it. But even Bright and Amuro have their limits…" Dublin was barely five years ago, and Hayato was one of the millions lost. She looks briefly to the frame on the mantle. Some photos Kai took on the White Base, photos of the lost included. Ryu, Matilda, Hayato, Katz- the sweet, shy little boy who used to get dragged along by Kikka and Letz had been gone for years now.
She reaches over slightly and squeezes Akane's hand. She wishes she could say this was to comfort her ward. But it's more to comfort herself. It's then the news goes live.
"We're seeing massive explosions from our viewing shuttle, it appears that Axis has split in half, and is drifting away from the Earth! We may finally be seeing the end of this nightmare!"
Sayla breathes out. "...we'll be okay." She says quietly. "Go on, you should get back to bed. I doubt you'll have classes, but I don't want you to miss out on your morning training because of me." She reaches up again, and ruffles Akane's hair. "An aloja needs her water, after all."
This would almost convince someone that she's okay. That the worst is past. But her smile, warm as it is, is a mask to hide how she is. "I'll get a snack and go to bed soon, I promise."
She's lying.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
The startled outburst would've gotten Akane to commit to staying up even in a normal situation of this shape. She can trace the shape of why, too, now that she has a second... would the fallout have reached this far? Then again -- there's always a chance of deflection.
"Okay," she offers, very gently, returning the squeeze to her hand. She even allows the ruffle, and for a moment, she lets herself forget how lonely and scary this night was for her all those years ago. "... trust me, though, I don't think I'm going to get any better sleep than you would here. I'll deal." She allows a little of her foreknowledge to color her response, as she adds, "I'm... not sure you're going to be fine for a while."
Several tense moments pass as Akane and Sayla watch the news.
It's a chance for Akane to peek ahead a little bit. To flip through the emotional context of Sayla's feelings. Bujack allows her so much control, so much focus, so much knowledge --
--
Well, that wasn't what she was expecting.
"Haha... what?" Akane stares down at her tablet. She swipes away from something, then back to it. "What? What? You're kidding."
Alexis cuts in, "Ah -- no, that's accurate."
"You knew...?"
Alexis laughs, and doesn't answer -- which is fine. Akane needs a bit to think about this anyway. She thinks about the relationship between Amuro and Char... the woman in the middle of them --
-- and the woman they both left to watch their battle alone.
No wonder she's like this, Akane thinks. Sayla is as much a casualty of a big world as Akane herself.
... All the more reason to forge forward.
Akane slumps toward Sayla, leaning into the exhaustion of the dream just a bit. Now that she knows what's coming -- it's best if she's close. Let her presence fully suffuse the moment about to come.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
That gentleness is desperately needed. Any other day, Sayla would be gently reminding Akane which of them is the adult in this relationship, who is meant to be looking after who. Right now, she desperately needs someone to be with her. "Thank you, pollita."
'I'm... not sure you're going to be fine for a while.'
Sayla's eyes widen. Had Akane felt something she hadn't? Her ward was a more powerful newtype than her.
(Her ward was a more powerful newtype than her… right?)
As Akane leans into her, Sayla's arm moves to pull her into a hug almost instinctively. Holding onto the only person in her life who has been a constant in the past decade. Holding on to her for stability. Holding onto her like she'll lose her if she doesn't. Sayla's mental walls are fractured and damaged, and her emotions are pouring out- but better her emotions than pulling Akane into the past.
"--ceiving reports that Londo Bell's operation has only been partially successful. One of the halves of Axis is still on course for Earth. It is too late to stop. Persons in the revised impact zone are advised-"
The audio of the news cuts out, but the delayed footage is still going- Axis falling on a minute's delay, too far from the battlefield to make out more slight movements. Sayla's grip on Akane's shoulders tightens- but even now never tight enough to hurt her. Whether that control is something she is devoting conscious thought is a different question.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgbURB7-Ymc&t=3s
But Sayla isn't looking at the screen anymore. She's not looking at anything, her eyes staring into the distance. For all the world it's like she's gone catatonic. Tears start to form in her wide open eyes, but she's not moving in any other way.
"Amuro…!"
While she's staring, the TV shows the beginning of the miracle, Zeon and Federation forces pushing back Axis-
But rainbows have already dulled in Sayla's eyes.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
... This is actually a little overwhelming for Akane -- but not for the reasons she expected. This deep into dream within dream, Akane doesn't mind touching and being touched -- indeed, it's quite the opposite. Sayla feels like a mother to her, and she doesn't mind sinking into that feeling for a while.
What better way to show that it's okay to sink into a kinder dream, after all, than do it...?
The memory of the feeling is no less intense than the feeling itself, honestly -- and... it leaves Akane with a bitter taste in her mouth in a whole different way, now that she's had a taste of living apart from the world. It's far from the mortal worry of Axis before -- now it's... frustrating.
When Amuro Ray wants the world to stay the same -- it stays the same. When Amuro Ray slips away into the infinite -- it's a heroic sacrifice! When someone tries to change this miserable, broken era -- says anything about how things could be different -- a 'hero' steps up and stops them.
Akane pries herself out of that spiral -- and channels that anger toward something else.
She watches Sayla sag under the weight of the era. It's now that she forges forward. "Sayla," she murmurs, shifting toward her in a tentative moment. "We -- we don't need to do this anymore. I don't know if you can. We could -- go to the asteroid belt. To Jupiter."
Sagging, Akane admits, "I'm tired of a world that can hurt so much. You are too, aren't you?"
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla doesn't respond, initially. Instead, the tears roll down her face from her unblinking eyes. She's not here right now. She's there, watching helplessly from the worst seat in the house, as they go beyond this world, where Lalah's waiting. She mouths a name, two syllables. A repeating vowel.
Not that Akane needs to guess.
She's holding Akane so tight now- to the only person there, in the worst moment of her life. The only person left who cares for her. The only person she still has to care for…
She drops into reality again, having not heard her. She felt it. The moment it ended…
They're gone. They're gone and nothing can change that. Her brother and the man she loved are dead and it's because he wouldn't let go. Wouldn't move on. And Amuro wouldn't let that go unopposed.
"You…" Sayla's whole body heaves with sobs. "You bastard… Why did it come to this?"
She hasn't even realized Akane's push yet, but she's relaxed her grip a little to let her breathe. How could he have thought this was worth it? How?
"...Media off."
The TV shuts down, her phone broadcasts nothing. Now it's just Sayla and Akane, alone in the darkness.
"...It's over, pollita. We should go to bed. They'll only stop exams for a day or two, so you should get some rest. Once we know when they've rescheduled your performance for, I'll take the day off."
In any other situation, you'd assume Sayla was back to normal.
But she's not moving. She's not doing anything. She doesn't want her ward to see her fall apart completely. Once Le- once Akane's asleep… She can hold out that long, can't she?
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane doesn't mind being ignored in small doses. She's used to it.
The urge to start off with, 'Maybe you didn't hear me,' boils up in Akane's gut; she catches it cold, but it's still there. She gentles it a little, settling for, "I can't think about exams after this." Her gaze turns down for a moment. Her fists ball up a little.
It... would have been nice -- during Axis, during the Bloody Valentine, after the third move in three years -- to have had someone there for her. That's how it should be, after things like these.
"We can leave. Flights will be back to normal by this week. Trains and elevator service, too." Akane looks Sayla in the eyes, pleading. "We don't need to do this. We don't need to -- watch the Earth Sphere kill itself over 'miracles' over and over again. I know you miss... all of them." Guy. Amuro. Taiga. Casval. Hayato. Musashi. So many people, one way or another, sacrificed on the altar of the 'miracle.'
"But it doesn't have to be like this. Sayla... please. I don't know why you feel like you need to torture yourself like this!" Something sincere jumps out of Akane here -- a little too much blood of her own on each talon and wing and rivet of Bujack. "You don't have to take care of the Earth Sphere -- just let me take care of you!"
How many times does Sayla need to see all this suffering before she gives up, Akane wonders. Her heart is already broken in so many places.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Her ward's words linger in her head. She could leave. She could walk away. She could just stop this. It's true. Every death rips her heart apart, and these two more than ever. She could just… Just…
Just leave, finally take Akane to see… her brother…?
I don't know why you feel like you need to torture yourself like this!
Why does she? Why doesn't she walk away, the same way Casval always did.
"That's not how it's supposed to work, Akane." Sayla's voice is pained, but it's not the false resolve she showed only moments ago. "It's not the child's job to take care of the adults. If I went to Jupiter… I couldn't change anything here. That's unacceptable."
She slowly releases her grip on Akane.
"If I ran away like he did, I could never look at myself in the mirror again- let alone look Leina in the eye." Her brilliant blue eyes meet Akane's red. Even now, those colors clash, as they did 'moments' ago.
"Besides… You're not capable of taking care of anyone right now. Not yourself and not me. If you were, you would have known better than this moment."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane wants to snarl.
It comes out as a slump and a groan, instead. "You don't understand," she says, limply. Once Sayla lets go of her, she scoots away. It was nice for a few seconds. Now it just feels like ash in her mouth.
That seems like it's been happening a lot, the last two years.
"This was supposed to work," Akane cries. "She was supposed to -- to understand me. Like the others. I wanted her to."
Alexis offers gentleness and patience -- if, perhaps, the gentleness and patience of a rattlesnake. "Not everyone will understand you, Akane-kun," he coos. "But they don't need to, do they? If their friends do, they'll still hesitate to encroach on your paradise."
... does that make Renais a hostage, then?
That doesn't feel... great.
Akane doesn't do anything about it.
"I'm -- I thought... I'd have a safer world. A warmer one. Where I could take care of everyone. You could have had that too," she mumbles. She wants it to come out seductive -- a last gasp of the urge to drag Sayla in with her. To mend the heart of someone she realized was suffering.
It's just -- incomprehensible. "I can't -- just -- why? What are you even fighting for in this wreck that's this important? You keep losing people and then you just -- get up every day and decide to keep going and lose more people."
Breathing out through her nose, Akane says, "Imagine if you'd had to do this one alone."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
"No. I don't think I do." Sayla concedes the point. Akane has used one of the most painful moments in her life against her. There is anger underneath it all, but she is guarding herself. She doesn't want to give any observers the satisfaction. And she knows Alexis is guiding Akane's hand.
"Would it even be your world? Because any world with the sick fuck listening in isn't going to be safe. It's going to be a world for hurting people." Sayla can't hide all the anger.
Why is the question, isn't it? "I just told you. For me. Running away means accepting the world as it is. That I can't fight it. That I can't change it." She stands up from the couch now, stepping away. "I can't accept that. I will not become my brother." She looks over her shoulder at Akane. "That's exactly what I do. And I do all in my power to prevent that loss. I wake up every morning and decide to care. But if I decide to do anything else, that's the day I die." Metaphorically or physically?
And then Sayla pivots on Akane, and for a split second it looks like she might slap her across the face. She doesn't, but that fury is there. "You think I don't? Do you think I don't know the person who would have come out the other side of that night if Leina hadn't been there? I know who she is, Akane. You don't." She starts to walk away, stalking towards the entrance of the Villa living room.
"I know because she's still there, waiting to strike in case something happens to Leina. And she would not let the person who killed her, or harmed her ever have the satisfaction or freedom of death."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Sayla throws Alexis's hand into things.
Akane looks at Alexis.
He says nothing, fading into the mist. Perhaps he thinks it's better for her to face this rejection on her own.
"Wow," is all Akane says at first. She's accustomed to anger; it's not that it doesn't hurt, but it's a feeling that makes it easier for her to be cruel in response, rather than harder. "You really are just as crappy a person as I am."
Her head is a mess, even if she's holding together the thin semblance of... some kind of facade in front of Sayla. "Fine. If you want the world where nothing lasts but nothing, take it. Just don't mess with my dream."
... nothing hurts more, right now, than thinking that all that's holding Sayla back from being just like her is Leina -- because if she'd had someone, before it was too late...
...
The dream ends. Sayla awakens from a fitful sleep, to the sound of a kaiju's footfalls some few hundred meters from her villa. She remembers -- a dream? But what was -- no, it's gone.
It doesn't seem to be interested in menacing anything. Perhaps it's just one of the world's natural strange beasts -- something that cannot coexist with humanity.
After several minutes -- by the time Sayla has the chance to wake up, see it, and make any calls about it -- it fades into nothingness.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
"You don't really think so. You just can't tell why." Sayla says that with such forceful certainty. "It's because I keep those impulses under control." Her senses had been dulled from reliving that moment, but they're there. It's all so vivid, but her walls are near impossible to keep up. Good thing the roaring kaiju that IS Akane can't hear her.
And so it is that Akane's hurtful words do nothing to Sayla. But she's not sympathetic at this moment. "...things might not be like this." She finishes Akane's thought out loud, exactly when she trails off. "Just remember which one of us actually ran away from you tonight. And that your roaring heart is even louder in here."
—-
Sayla wakes up, drenched in cold sweat. It's then she sees something outside the window- a kaiju? It's not Anosillus but it's not attacking anything. Maybe it's respecting the First's turf. It seems safe enough to leave be, but… why didn't the perimeter sensors go off? Something to look at later.
"Ugh… I feel like shit." She slides out of bed, wincing as she moves her right arm. She slips it back into her sling with difficulty, and makes to leave her room. She peeks out for a light in Leina's room, to see if she's still up. Confirming that's not the case, she moves quietly down the hall.
She really needs a drink.