2022-09-24: Memory of a Song
- Log: 2022-09-24 Memory of a Song
- Cast: Sheryl Nome, Brera Sterne
- Where: Macross Frontier Colony Fleet
- OOC - IC Date: September 24, 0096 (2022)
- Summary: Sheryl and Brera research into Brera's forgotten past, and in doing so, discuss what he really wants out of the effort.
<Pose Tracker> Sheryl Nome has posed.
The GUTS Deculture Festival went by so fast. So did summer in general, really. Sheryl had a lot of fun overall, and while she does wish she did better during the Millympic Games, she did well enough that she feels satisfied about it. And it was definitely worthwhile to see Ranka put on her first show, unofficial though it was.
Now that the DecuFes is over, though, Sheryl can focus on other things. There's work, of course--the DecuFes was as much work as it was play, and that's part of what was so charming about it--but there's a lull right now in Sheryl's schedule. And she promised a certain someone she'd help him out...
Of course, Grace had warned her not to push too hard into Brera's past. And maybe that would be for the best. But Sheryl has no intention of reneging on her promise. She'll just have to not let Grace find out.
(too late, but still)
So it happens that Sheryl has dragged Brera out--although is it really dragging if he's obligated by contract to follow her around for her protection?--to, of all places, the Macross Frontier's local library. It's a start, isn't it? Brera exists, and the song Aimo exists, so they must have some records somewhere. Besides Brera's military record, anyway.
"I know it's kind of a long shot," she murmurs as they enter--there are lots of signs around to keep quiet, and Sheryl doesn't want them to get kicked out-- "but it's as good a place to start as any, right?" She sweeps one of her side hair-tendrils back; to keep from being IDed, she's wearing her Mihoshi Academy uniform with its adorable cap to hide most of her hair, and shades to hide her eyes.
"I'd have asked Grace for help," she continues, "but she thinks it's 'nosy' and 'inappropriate' to go poking around your past." Sheryl rolls her eyes good-naturedly at her own paraphrasing. "But I'm not about to let that stop us!"
...Hopefully it won't be too difficult to find the records section. Sheryl has never actually been in a library before.
<Pose Tracker> Brera Sterne has posed.
Brera's feelings on the festival are exactly what one might expect: largely not present. He did his role as a bodyguard in a new setting, never once musing on the fact he was much the same age as everyone there. Brera looks like he should go to school. Brera has never been to school. It's never occurred to him, and it won't. Not on its own.
The only moment that stood out was Ranka's concert. His eyes never left it. He was completely enthralled, as if the world had ceased to be, until her singing was over.
Now that the schedule lulls, there's less for Brera to be on guard about. This would be beneficial if he was not on guard one hundred and twenty percent of all of the times (barring his strange behavior around a certain green haired upstart idol), including be dragged to a library.
For a moment, Brera watches Sheryl blankly, like this is her project. Like she's the only one she wants this -- nosy and inappropriate, as she describes, with him only humoring her in his usual way. Brera is not meant to care. Grace does not want him to care.
But ever vigilante for threats, he can as subtle scan the library for its own labels and sections, moving ahead with purpose toward where he suspects the relevant records might be likely to be kept.
"...It has never stopped you before," he murmurs. Brera is conscious of the rules, but his natural tone follows them without much change...
<Pose Tracker> Sheryl Nome has posed.
As a side note, Sheryl still thinks Brera's intense interest in Ranka is because he has a crush on her. Hopefully she won't try too hard to set them up in the future.
For now, though, she smiles brilliantly at her bodyguard even as he gives her a blank stare. The fact that he is staring at her like he doesn't care and this is all her idea doesn't deter her; she knows they made a promise, and if Brera really didn't care, he wouldn't be going along with this, right? Right!
"It sure hasn't," she agrees, voice as confident as her step. For all that, when she notes the glow of his eyes indicating he's conducting a scan, she'll let him take the lead in terms of finding the right section.
It doesn't take them long. Most of the section is physical; that's because digital records take up a fraction of the space. A librarian happens to be present, and helpfully sets them up not just with several books that might have the information they're looking for, but also points them to the computer room where all the digital records are kept. A short time later, they sit at a table lined with computers together, Sheryl with a stack of books, Brera left to look up the database.
"So I'm thinking, first things first, I'll try to find anyone else with the name Sterne," Sheryl says briskly, crossing her legs as she cracks open one of the books. "There couldn't be that many people with that name in the Macross colonies. As for you... hmm..." She brightens. "Oh, right! You can check the database for information about Aimo! It had to have originated somewhere, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Brera Sterne has posed.
Brera, despite Sheryl's best efforts, maintains an aura of not knowing what a crush is.
This is because he does not know what a crush is.
Sheryl reacts with a confidence and lack of shame Brera has come to expect. But his comment was neither a joke nor a criticism. It was merely a statement of fact, and Sheryl's willingness to confirm it is a strange sort of comfort. At least she is aware. It will not make his job easier later.
But Grace would not have assigned him to Sheryl if it were meant to be an easy job. The more he allows her to follow her whims and compensates for the risks this involves, the easier time they both seem to have.
Set up with data (and listening in eerie, blank faced silence, sorry librarian), pauses thoughtfully until Sheryl's suggestion. "...Aimo," he echoes, and he takes the suggestion. "Ranka does not remember where she learned it, either."
His brow furrows. He frowns, hesitating. "Why does this matter?"
He's not asking Sheryl.
<Pose Tracker> Sheryl Nome has posed.
Oh, he'll learn.
He'll learn.
Just as he's learned his standing in relation to her. Brera may be Sheryl's bodyguard, but he's the one who needs to be flexible and adapt to her whims. As observed, it makes it easier for both of them. At least she does care about him as a friend and genuinely want to help him out. Maybe it takes some of the exhaustion out of being pulled around.
"Yeah, she mentioned that too," Sheryl notes, flipping to the B section. She blinks and looks up when he asks his question, though. He may not be asking her, but there's no one else here, so at first, she furrows her eyebrows at him, mistaking his intent. "What are you talking about? You're the one who wants to know about his past! Why are you questioning that now?"
<Pose Tracker> Brera Sterne has posed.
That sounds like a challenge!
Sheryl is nothing if not a learning experience. There are many facets to life Brera has no experience with. Sheryl exists in most of them.
But his first mistake was certainly assuming Sheryl Nome wanted to be protected to the greatest extend possible. Sheryl wants something very different. But Brera can adapt.
Mostly. In time. His finger twitches over the database. There's a flicker of some emotion or another in his eye at the data: urgency? pleading?
"... I do not know," he answers with worrying honesty. A beat later, and he seems to lose whatever spark of life was in him, returning to looking more machine than man as he continues his search. (And he does continue his search, despite everything.)
He stops a moment. Slowly, as if looking away would make possible data flee from his attention, he manages to focus on Sheryl. "If it were you... would you want to know?"
That may be impossible to truly answer. How would she know, if it were here? But Sheryl is the closest thing Brera has to someone who seems to understand questions and answers about things that do not involve knives and bullets and piloting.
<Pose Tracker> Sheryl Nome has posed.
It sure does~
It's a small spark, difficult to spot. But Sheryl's looking right at him, asking questions directly about his desires. As small as that spark is, she does spot it--both when it lights up and when it dims to nothing. She frowns, but it's a frown of worry. She can't imagine what it would be like to have amnesia. Sometimes, she's wished she did. But...
"I don't know either," she admits quietly. "Part of my childhood was... really rough. I went through a lot of horrible things. If it weren't for Grace, I don't know if I'd even be alive today." She stares down at the floor, her own gaze haunted. Then she shuts her eyes, takes a deep breath, and shakes her head. "...But it's because of those experiences that I'm who I am today. You remember the filming for Diamond Crevasse? That..." She swallows hard. "The visuals were based on things I personally went through. So."
For a moment, she's dead silent. Then, suddenly flustered, she tosses her hair to try to cover it up. "I don't ever want to go through that again! I want to leave the past exactly where it is: behind me. But I don't want to pretend like it never happened, either. Because... if it were me, and I didn't have any of those memories..."
She grips the edges of her seat. Then she hesitates and shakes her head. "I don't know. I can understand why someone would decide they wouldn't want to remember. Start over fresh. But..." Her lips purse. It might hurt him if she says what's on her mind--but as a friend, she wants to be honest with him. He asked her, which means he wants a straight answer. As such, she looks up and meets his eye.
"But someone who had my face but none of my memories just wouldn't be me," she concludes. "So I guess the real question is: do you like who you are now? Or do you want to take back who you used to be?"
<Pose Tracker> Brera Sterne has posed.
"So she saved you, too."
It should be a statement of fact. Brera is not sure. Grace is the only reason he is alive. He serves her unquestionably. That is his purpose. Grace and Sheryl have a different relationship. He questions that. With no data providing the hint of an answer, he dismisses it.
A different piece of data seems more important: Sheryl experienced her childhood as a negative event. For a moment, Brera's thoughts are gone, focusing on the data he is being given. Focusing on Sheryl.
He is not a man (or machine) of ready sympathy or natural compassion. He would not know how to try. But he listens without interruption, and he does not give her pity.
"You wear your memories well."
...And whatever that is.
Does Grace know what Brera cannot recall? Is that why she discourages Sheryl in this? Because it would only be a detriment to his purpose, painful and in the way...? But Sheryl Nome does wear her memories well, however painful they might have been. It hurts to think...
In the end, he was right to ask her: she cuts to it with her next questions, bringing clarity to the noise in his mind.
"No." Simple. Unemotional. True. Brera does not like who he is. Does he dislike it? That he does not specify. Only: "...My soul is empty." Will this fill it may be his real question. He does not try to ask that one yet.
<Pose Tracker> Sheryl Nome has posed.
"She saved you 'too'?" Sheryl echoes, startled, eyes widening as she now stares at Brera. "What's that supposed to mean?" Maybe he means something more innocent or at least mundane than it sounds, but given the context, she can't help but be surprised. She'd never heard of him before Grace hired him to be her bodyguard. If he'd been saved by her the same way she had been, that just wouldn't make sense. Grace wouldn't have a whole other child she was raising and not tell her. She just wouldn't!
At least Brera compliments her--or at least, Sheryl takes it as a compliment, reflected by the way she smiles. "I wear everything well," she boasts, tossing her hair a bit to deflect. A pause. "...but thank you, Brera."
This isn't about her, though. (Well, it's mostly not about her.) It's about Brera and his forgotten past. It's about how he doesn't like who he is now. It's about how his soul is empty. Sheryl gives him a steady, unsmiling look.
If Grace has known Brera for longer than she let on, though... Giving herself time to think it through, it occurs to her that there's a bunch of reasons why Grace might not have ever mentioned knowing him before. The fact that he's a soldier, for one. And if she actually does know something about his past, and was warning Sheryl away because she thinks remembering might hurt him...
"Being empty is no way to live," Sheryl says briskly. Her gaze softens. "But it's not like you need a past to fill your soul up. You can fill it with new experiences and new friends instead! You've got me, and Grace..." She smiles knowingly. "And Ranka~." She winks. "If you don't actually care about your memories, and what you really want is to not be empty anymore, I'll help you out with that, 100%. It's the least I can do for a friend!" She sobers. "...But if what you want is specifically the memories you lost, then let's keep going. But only if you're completely sure. This is about you, after all. Getting your memories back means you won't be the 'you' you are now. Not anymore."
She recrosses her legs, straightens her back, and folds her arms. "Well? Which is it gonna be, Brera? You're the one who has to decide, so decide!"
<Pose Tracker> Brera Sterne has posed.
"Yes." Unfortunately for Sheryl, that is all Brera extrapolates on the matter. He believes the reason why he does not is implicit: Brera has no memories. He has no story to tell about what he was saved from.
Sheryl declares she wears everything well, and Brera pauses. He looks at, of all things, her hat, then back at Sheryl's face. One of those blank but not empty-blank expressions appears on his face. It seems to say he is unable to refute this.
(Does Brera want a hat...?) (No. He is indifferent.)
To fill a soul, however... Grace. Hm. Sheryl. ... Hm, indeed. And Ranka. Brera perks up at the mention of the name, perhaps with painful predictability at this point. Aimo. He looks back at the screen. Aimo, aimo, ne-der ru-she... The song plays so easily in his memory.
"That is not a problem," he says of no longer being himself, as if it were merely a trivial obstacle before his mission parameters.
"... I want to know where I learned this song."
Something more concrete. Something solid, and graspable, than a vague desire for the past. Their plans here in the library don't change for it, but something small in Brera does.
<Pose Tracker> Sheryl Nome has posed.
'Yes,' he says, and doesn't explain his meaning. It should be implicit, that since he doesn't have memories he can't explain what he means, but if he didn't remember anything about it, how could he know that she saved him? That's Sheryl's reasoning, at least. She frowns--she can't help but be deeply curious about this--and asks, "So are you going to tell me what you mean by that or not?" And if he insists on 'no' with no further explanation, she hmphs but, for once, leaves it at that. (For now.)
He stares at her hat. It's an adorable soft cap that matches her uniform quite nicely. If he's not going to try to refute her, then that's just fine. Sheryl only smiles triumphantly, as if she'd won some kind of great argument instead of simply stating a fact that Brera didn't comment on.
But more importantly: Brera and his empty soul. Brera and Ranka. He really is absolutely enamored with her, huh? Because she knew this song that he knows? After all, he says he wants to know where he learned it. Sheryl hums the opening bars as she considers him. Aimo, aimo...
Not a problem. "I guess not," Sheryl says. If who he is now is empty, and he doesn't like that, then there really wouldn't be a problem shucking off his present self. As he says that he wants, specifically, to know more about Aimo, she smiles. "Then that's what we'll do," she declares. If he doesn't care about any old friends or family he has--or if he only starts caring about those things later--then that's his choice. She gets up to her feet. "I'll trade these books in for some music copyright stuff, then. You keep looking in the database. Be right back~!"
They may not find any information about Aimo tonight. But perhaps they've made a step forward all the same.
<Pose Tracker> Brera Sterne has posed.
Brera regards Sheryl with silence, a pause that she may have learned is indicating he is trying to process the question and form a response. Quick as he can be in guarding and in combat, social interactions inspire a dial-up tone. "I am not dead."
He does not understand what else it could possibly mean. That may be a 'no' in its own way.
Sheryl smiles at him for his choice, and Brera's face is one of... uncertainty? Not for what he's said, but for Sheryl herself. She is... such a strange person. Difficult to predict (but he's learning) and impossible to understand (but he's trying). She has stated her own purpose, and that is one he struggles to grasp.
He does not think it frivolous, though. The opposite. He does not understand why, only that it feels true. Feels... There's that concept again. Important. Hold it. He listens to her humming Aimo, and... it slips away, his soul like a sieve. But even a sieve needs to be cleaned, and if it isn't... something builds.
"It sounds different from you." Sheryl's Aimo and Ranka's Aimo. "...Both versions are... acceptable."
He's come to like them both, for their own reasons.
They may not find information on Aimo, but unbeknownst to them, it's more fruitful than looking for 'Sterne'.