2022-08-18: While My Guitar Gently Weeps

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<Pose Tracker> Mari Makinami Illustrious has posed.

Tokyo-3 is, in many ways, a city defined by its emptiness.

It's hard getting around that fact: originally intended to offset overpopulation in Tokyo, the massive losses seen in Japan and around the world during the bloody One Year War and Impact Wars saw it cast adrift; a ghost city in all but name. NERV saw opportunity in this, and swooped up the city to completely reengineer it into a quiet, city-sized weapon and bulwark against Angels and kaiju. Almost every aspect of Tokyo-3 exists, now, to support NERV and its pilots, and this is reflected in the strange vacancy that defines large swaths of the city where mass migration has occurred, or where the city has been so damaged it has been effectively abandoned like a tail jettisoned from a lizard.

Still a ghost city, in many ways. And yet...

        o/` "Alright, let's get started, it's Saturday night -- how you feeling?!" o/`

... there still exist a few sparing elements that exist almost entirely to defy that idea.

No one's really sure when the karoake bar known as Studio Smiles actually opened in Tokyo-3. The current owner is not the original owner, nor do they know whoever it might be. It just sort of -- showed up, one day, an oddly bright-colored bar in an otherwise beautiful-but-uniform stretch of Tokyo-3's urban zone. Despite the strangeness of its origin, it's seen semi-regular use -- enough, at least, to keep it running strong in the years since its inception. Sometimes people just need to let off steam in a way that doesn't involve drinking or otherwise unhealthy lifestyle choices. So why not vent with a smile?

Recently, Studio Smiles has had a fairly regular customer gracing the establishment with her presence. An Evangelion pilot, in fact; one who comes to visit at least once a week, always with a bright smile that's just brighter when she leaves. None of the employees really get it. Even they know how the Evangelion kids tend to be. This? This is just weird.

But she has become a staple at Studio Smiles all the same, and usually alone. This time, though -- this time is different.

In one of the many karaoke rooms dotting the halls of the bar's backroom, the heavy strains of the semi-obscure Fire Bomber's classic rock masterpiece 'PLANET DANCE' blares over the loudspeakers, thrumming the entire world of Studio Smiles with the vibrations of its bass and the heady wails of its guitar.

Within, of course, is one Mari Makinami Illustrious, dressed in a simple pink tanktop and shredded jeans, hunched over her microphone and grinning like the truest fool as she pours her heart and soul out into the glam rock power lyrics of Fire Bomber.

        o/` "Hey everybody! WAKE UP THE LIGHT!
             And let's dance, dancin' on PLANET DANCE~!" o/`

She sings like no one's watching, but that's only an expression to indicate how much Mari just loves to express herself. After all --

She has a very special guest here with her today. Just like she promised.

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

It's time... for Marioke! That is to say, Mari-oke. Mari and Karaoke. Not Mario and karaoke. That's a whole different kind of feeling.

"I'm feeling really good right now!" Nidaime shouts, answering the uh--karaoke loudspeakers. She knows that it's a song, right? She knows. But NIdaime's method of indulging music is a lot looser than even most musicians. She's far more about the flow than the musical quality.

In many ways, Anosillus the Second probably shouldn't even be in Tokyo III. It's home of some of the most ardent kaiju-hunters out there and, at this point, a fair number of them--particularly amongst their pilots--know exactly what she is. Even if it might be a bit difficult to treat Nidaime as a typical kaiju when she's mostly thinking about romance, music, and friendship on a day to day basis. What are the odds that you'll find a second or third kaiju like that?

Nidaime, as usual, wears her green and brownish hoodie with her colorful shirt with a treble clef on it. Less usually, she isn't wearing shoes but it's getting increasingly normal for her to not be wearing them. Every time she thinks about shoes she thinks about--

--well she's not thinking about that right now! Nidaime has an intuitive understanding that in the most dire of locales and the most bloody of times, moments of peace tend to be celebrated harder--not softer.

        o/` "Liars sing a sad song of giving up!
        No thanks! We don't want them around!" o/`

Nidaime has never heard this song before but she already knows it by heart. She isn't trying to overthrow Mari's vocals either, she is just joining in--letting her take the lead as she's the one who is 'up' so to speak. But she just HAS to join in! Nidaime doesn't have a microphone so that's helpful in that regard.

She hops up and down like she's having the time of her life!

Because she is! Lots of people enjoy music, but Mari enjoys the music LIFE. That's a little different, Nidaime thinks.

        o/` "The constellations that keep on changing and the unseen sweat and tears
        Bring courage to my heart!" o/`

The poor employees of Studio Smiles might start to worry that this weirdo will also start coming every week--but jokes on them!

Nidaime can't afford it.

<Pose Tracker> Mari Makinami Illustrious has posed.

Individual pilots are one thing, of course -- but would the top brass of NERV really want to give exception to any Kaiju... or would Nidaime's nature just spur them to take her for study. After all...

What are the odds that you'll find a kaiju like that?

The dangers seem to be about as far from Mari's mind as they are the Second's; in many ways, Mari Makinami Illustrious is a beast that lives wholly for the present, and that could not be exemplified any better than in how gleefully she throws herself into her karaoke. As if Nidaime's nature doesn't really bother her; as if the looming threat of Angels were a world away; as if the mounting troubles of Tsutsujidai's gradual blending into reality were just a small thing.

None of that is true, of course. But it doesn't stop Mari from enjoying herself.

It's Anosillaoke time, after all!

        o/` "No more wastin' love -- don't make love pointless!
            There must be someone who's looking just for you~!" o/`

Red-rimmed glasses glowing a wash of blue in the neon lighting of the room, Mari suddenly hops up, swinging her arm about as if she were the world's greatest guitar showwoman. She indulges in her imaginary musical accompaniment as Nidaime hops about, casting a glance over her shoulder to offer the small kaiju the biggest, brightest grin. She lets her partner-in-karoake-crime take over solo for a few verses - microphone be damned - but as the home stretch of that song approaches --

With a jubilant and show motion, Mari suddenly -flips- that microphone in the air! It spins, haphazardly amplifying the sounds and voices booming into the room as Mari effortlessly sweeps downward in an artful kneel before Nidaime. Her right hand is held up, between them.

And a second later, that microphone falls neatly into place, caught in her waiting hand, so that they can both use it for those final lyrics.

        o/` "Hey everybody, with your hearts just as they are,
             give a SHOUT! Jumpin' on the planet dance~!" o/`

How couldn't Mari be happy? She's found a fellow (weirdo) kindred soul!

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

Even Misato would probably be leery of a kaiju girl even if they looked and acted like Nidaime. Luckily, the odds of Misato believing that Nidaime is a kaiju are pretty remote. Even if she gets BIG she's probably just some kind of meltrandi right? Of course, the idea of humanoid kaiju is something she DOES know about right now. Anti is known. A rare exception but an exception all the same and if there can be one exception there can be more.

But well odds are Misato and Nidaime won't run into each other all too often.

Nidaime gapes in amazement at the colors, the lights, so close up--like a personalized Sheryl Nome concert (sorry Macross 7). Just for the two of them. Amazing! Is Mari as capable a singer as Sheryl Nome? Her spirit seems to match.

Nidaime knows how mics work. She leans in to sing along, bending over to sing as if she was on stage herself.

        o/` "Hey everybody, with your hearts just as they are,
        give a SHOUT! Jumpin' on the planet dance~!" o/`

Nidaime then throws up both hands and jumps three more times. "Yaaay!"

Mari has made a turtle happy this day.

"You're such a great singer, Mari!"

<Pose Tracker> Mari Makinami Illustrious has posed.

Nidaime jumps for joy not once, not twice, but thrice. Mari rises with all the flourish of someone who lives to perform in every definition of the word. Panting, microphone-bearing hand on her hip, when Nidaime offers up that exclamation of joy, Mari responds with the flash of a horizontal peace sign and a wink.

'You're such a great singer, Mari!'

"And to you as well~" proclaims Mari, with sing-song sincerity, as she flops backwards into the couch behind her. The song selection tablet bounces once upon the cushions as she kicks back, lounging luxuriously as the song tapers off to an end.

"Mm. It's fun, right?" Her exhale comes as she looks sidelong at the screen once scrolling lyrics, now dismally blank. "I think anyone can be great at singing, though. It doesn't matter how you do it, after all. You could be off-key, stumble over every lyric! As long as you're expressing something you love in your heart, people will respond~."

It's important to note she doesn't mention whether the response will be positive or negative. But...

... Really, that's not a concern for someone like her, is it?

Mari plucks off those glasses for a moment, inspecting them. And as she cleans the lenses with a surprising amount of care for someone so often so nonchalant as she is, she turns her half-lidded gaze up Nidaime's way, smile lingering.

"So, what's singing mean to you then?"

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

Nidaime tries to throw a peace sign back but it ends up as Live Long and Prosper. Nidaime frowns and uses her other hand to force her fingers in the correct position before she throws the peace sign back at Mari like 10 seconds too late.

"Mmhmm," Nidaime agrees. "But just cause everybody can be great at singing doesn't mean everybody is. Sometimes people get..." She trails off, getting this kind of spacy look in her eyes for a time, trying and failing to find the right way to express a concept. "Weird about singing." She settles on that.

Nidaime makes her way to the stage and flips through all the songs. There's so many! it will be hard to choose!

So, what's singing mean to you then?

Nidaime slowly turns to look at Mari, smile fading for a moment as she quirks her head. It does kind of have this confused turtle look, especially if you see her bag as a shell.

Then she smiles. The energy is a little more subdued but no less filled with sincere joy. Just less...loud.

"Singing is how I connect with my mom! I don't usually get asked but... I've always loved music. I think it's because my mom is music."

"Did you always enjoy music or...did you discover it?"

<Pose Tracker> Mari Makinami Illustrious has posed.

Ten seconds too late.

And yet, it receives Mari's Thumbs Up of Approval all the same.

'Sometimes people get...'

...

Silence reigns. If Nidaime can evoke striking Confused Turtle vibes, Mari's gift for looking the part of the curious cat is just as adept: head cocked to the right just enough, vivid eyes wide with expectation; she even leans forward, just a touch.

"Hummmm?"

'Weird about singing.'

"Hummm."

Mari's expression is an understanding one as she leans back once again. Carefully wiping away those lenses with a little cloth, she continues on smoothly as Nidaime peruses her options. The backlog is immense; it also contained a lot of surprisingly old songs. A quirk of the original owner, apparently, that the current one never really bothered to get rid of.

"Part of performing means exposing yourself. Most Lilim don't like to be exposed. It's a precarious paradox: they want people to see them, but they don't want to risk the vulnerability that comes with being seen."

It's a topic that's abandoned with casual ease when something more immediately interesting to Mari comes up: mainly, how -Nidaime- feels about music. The little kaiju brings up her mother; Mari remembers what Nidaime told her at Shinji's birthday party. But...

'I think it's because my mom is music.'

Mari meets this proclamation without batting an eye, resting one arm on the back of her sofa as she props her cheek on her knuckles.

"So you're music too," she declares, before tapping one end of her glasses against her chest, over her heart. "Where it counts." Her head tilts, expression softening by a fraction.

"Your mother gave you a very wonderful gift."

But what about Mari? The not-currently-bespectacled Evangelion pilot exhales a little "huuu" sound. "Alas, I wasn't born of it -- but music has always been in my soul, just waiting to be released~! There's no better way to bear your heart!" And this, she proclaims, as seriously and effortlessly as can be.

"Karaoke, though... hmmm. I guess you could say it became like a ritual for me and a very good friend of mine." She holds up those glasses, and inspects them, a fond smile touching her lips at the sight. "We'd go, whenever one of us felt frustrated, or got an unacceptable grade on a test, or the weight of the world felt like too much, or even if we just felt like it, and sang it all out!"

She slides those glasses back on, comfortably. And then...

That microphone goes gently flipping through the air Nidaime's way with an underhand toss and a, "Catch~!"

Mari's brows are lifted. Her expression is solemn.

"Listen well to this advice I give to you this portentous day, the Second: if ever there is something you must release from your heart with every fiber of your being, karaoke is the cleansing ritual you must seek! So..." She leans forward. And, with great gravity...

She delivers unto Nidaime the fingergun of responsibility(?).

"... pick a song that fits whatever it is you want to express, deep inside."

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

"...Lilim..." Nidaime blinks slowly. There is only one person besides Mari that has ever used the word Lilim for Nidaime and a flurry of excited questions push to the forefront of her mind and she almost blurts out Kaworu's secret just because it makes her think like WOW IS MARI ALSO A KAIJU but she is able to dial it back quickly because, well, obviously other people can use the term Lilim right? Kaworu wouldn't use Lilim so offhandedly if other people didn't use it.

Nidaime thinks of Sayla when Mari speaks of vulnerability, though it's hard to dwell on due to all the mysterious questions that keep popping up in her head. She has to say something, ask something, but she's not sure how to put it. And that means she's quiet again.

"Yeah... I guess I am!" Nidaime smiles. She likes thinking of it like that, because she can't be a spirit in the same way her mother is. Least as far as she knows.

"I bet my mom really likes you." Nidaime says. "Though I guess--you're really very likeable, eheheh---but I mean--people with music in the soul, mama really likes those kinds of people. Like the Galactic Fairy, and now you..."

She quriks a head. "A good friend of yours?" She looks around a bit for a good friend. She wonders--

--if the good friend is still around?

Nidaime catches the microphone with a yelp. "Wow gosh... I have so many feelings right now, I wonder what to pick?"

She thinks. "I think I have a song." She says, flipping through the catalogue for a moment and then...

"...Mari..." She says, trying to think of how to put it. "Are you..."

She doesn't want to spill the benas about Kaworu!

"..." She can't ask right now, she realizes. She doesn't have the words. And she does have so much on her mind.

She looks down at the microphone. Maybe she has the song for it? And maybe then she can ask.

She reaches out and picks a song from one of Nidaime's favorite bands.

         o/~ "I look at you all, see the love there that's sleeping
        While my guitar gently weeps
        I look at the floor and see it needs sweeping
        Still my guitar gently weeps" o/~

Nidaime isn't able to evoke that kind of wild energy before--but that's because she is more subdued now--singing from the heart can mean many things but so long as it's an honest expression, it's real. Sometimes even when it's dishonest it's real. The heart is a wild place after all. Nidaime sways to the music, bringing the mic up into the air.

        o/~ "I don't know why nobody told you
        How to unfold your love
        I don't know how someone controlled you
        They bought and sold you" o/~

Nidaime realizes as she sings that what is important here to her is not the term Lilim, nor is it the mystery, or the secrets. Mari told her what was really important. What Kaworu is to Mari can wait for another day. Mari showed a piece of her heart, however quietly, and Nidaime wants to rise to the occassion. Before she can ask her question, the song catches up, and Nidaime this time brings the mic closer to Mari so she can sing along.

        o/~ "I look at the world and I notice it's turning
        While my guitar gently weeps
        With every mistake, we must surely be learning
        Still my guitar gently weeps" o/~

I look at you all and see the love there that's sleeping.

Maybe this is her heart's song, more than just the moment--but her story, too.

She can now ask her question.

"Mari... thank you for sharing your friend with me." As if that friend was right here, right now, but the fact that she isn't... That tells a story in of itself.

"But I'd like to keep having karaoke days with you, if you'd like... If you're willing to keep sharing them." 

<Pose Tracker> Mari Makinami Illustrious has posed.

... Lilim... the word is uttered with a spark of recognition.

For some reason, Mari seems unsurprised by this, too. Maybe she's just good at taking these things in stride (she really is).

But all the same, she doesn't remark on it directly -- especially because Nidaime herself doesn't press it any further beyond that single utterance. Glasses glinting in neon, Mari slumps back bonelessly in her couch, legs lifting and tucking beneath themselves in an unconventional lounge. She, at least, looks very comfy in the position. But she is Mari Makinami, known Chaos Cat. All positions are comfortable for her.

'Though I guess--you're really very likeable, eheheh--'

"And I have impeccable taste!" chimes in Mari, ever-humble. Still, the feline curl of her smile fades into something more simple and understated as Nidaime continues.

"I'd be very honored if your mama was fond of me," she asserts, sincerely. "It seems like the highest compliment an artist could ask for."

And she truly does mean it.

Nidaime looks around. And so, too, does Mari, like a perfect mimic, wide eyes glancing this way and that before turning a questioning look Nidaime's way. A good friend of hers? It does beg the question:

Where is that good friend?

Mari's only answer, for now, is a quiet shrug and a simple smile. After all, for right now --

She just wants to hear what's in Nidaime's heart.

And what Nidaime picks...

... is something very old. But something that, all the same, brings a touch of nostalgia to her bespectacled features. It's a more subdued song. More melancholic. It's not the rowdy, feverish metal of FIRE BOMBER. It lacks that kind of energy.

But it comes from the heart. It pours out what Nidaime most wants to release to the world in that moment. Mari watches, intently. She listens, intently. There's meaning translated there through Nidaime's voice, and an expression of understanding to greet that meaning.

Slowly, Mari stretches. She lifts. And when Nidaime moves to offer the mic up for both of them...

Mari is there, crouching just enough so that they can share at the same level, singing those last few lines.

        o/` "I look at you, and see the love there that's sleeping
             While my guitar gently weeps
             I look at you all
             Still my guitar gently weeps..." o/`

Mari. Is she...?

Regardless of what she is. Regardless of the myriad mysteries that compose her. What's important is...

"You've got a good song in your heart," she finally says, after, in the face of Nidaime's gratitude. "I'm sure she would've liked you." The question comes. The request.

"Hmmmm."

And Mari, crouched, answers by raising one pinky finger up in offering. In promise, of the pinky variety.

"Very well! With this pact sealed, I declare you my karaoke companion from this day forth! May our songs never leave our hearts~."

What's important is, regardless of anything else...

... right now, Mari is Nidaime's karaoke pal.

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

"Hehe, the Fairy was the same way." Nidaime COULD call her Sheryl or Miss Nome but calling her the Galactic Fairy makes her feel much more magical~. "Mom's work is really important."

Nidaime likes the old songs. She likes the new songs! Nidaime likes all songs. But even someone like Nidaime has songs that speak to her. And like with most people they move and twist around and change but the songs Nidaime comes to again and again are often about love and distance and the intermingling of these two semi-contradictory elements. The longing, the loneliness, the joy of it all. Nidaime had for a long time had to admire and love from a distance.

It's thanks to Akane, however indirectly, that she gets to be mixed up in it. And like Kaworu, she can't quite let go of that.

Even if it's dangerous. So far Nidaime has avoided assassination attempts but--well-- Is a Chaos Bringer effect something that could be like an Impact? Indeed, it could be. Nidaime's fortune is that it hasn't come to that yet.

But what if it does? What is it like to have an organization built around towards the eradication of people like you? Nidaime only knows the tip of that iceberg so far. And maybe that's why she can smile so easily, be this kind of happy--and she is a little sad sometimes, but it is not a persistent melancholy. It fades quickly because Nidaime, if nothing else, knows her fortune. It is important to know the ways you have fortune.

And this is the first time someone asked her to sing her heart's song. That too is fortune.

"I would've liked her too." Nidaime says, with confidence.

But Mari offers a pinky. Nidaime, a child, instantly knows that this is an unbreakable pact lest there be truly dire effects. One does not lightly break the bond of a pinky swear.

Nidaime hooks her pinky with Mari's.

"Yeah!!"

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