2022-06-08: Lunar Labyrinth
- Log: 2022-06-08: Lunar Labyrinth
- Cast: Kaworu Nagisa, Rei Ayanami
- Where: Geofront, Tokyo-3
- OOC - IC Date: June 8, 0096 (2022)
- Summary: Kaworu and Rei have a conversation about, other things, the Moon.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"Good work, everyone."
That's the usual chorus after a synchronization test, from Dr. Akagi to the bridge crew to various other NERV operatives who have reason to be present. That even includes Kaworu Nagisa, noted weirdo, who's been skipping school ever since Monday, yet still coming into NERV HQ in the evenings for whatever it is they need him to do.
Tonight, that's a synchro test between him and specifically Rei Ayanami. (Kaworu hums an unfamiliar melody to himself through almost all of it, endlessly repeating with only small variations.) When she was injured and recovering after the Sixth Angel, then on a trip abroad with Commander Ikari, he'd piloted Unit-00, and done so with fine success despite his tests always coming up a few points short of the other pilots. Then, later on, he'd deployed in Unit-Z2 and Unit-00 on two separate occasions while sharing an entry plug with their respective pilots, and that had gone well despite the risk of mental noise. Dr. Akagi's been intrigued by the implications of this--the fact that Kaworu seems to make little to no psychic interference. Commander Ikari had been intrigued too. So now the two of them are being tested together, to see how well they can sync with *each other*. Why, exactly? Well... surely the Commander has his reasons.
That's in the immediate past, though. For now, for tonight, the tests are over, and Kaworu and Rei are free to leave the LCL-laden test plugs. The results are promising. Dr. Akagi is enthusiastic about it to Kaworu; Commander Ikari no doubt has a few appreciative words for Rei as well. But soon enough, they're sent off to the showers to wash up and change.
On the way there, a few droplets of LCL still dripping from his pale hair onto his black plug suit (a stark and striking contrast to her white), Kaworu comments to Rei, "So what do you think?"
He doesn't specify what he means, as there are several potential possibilities, but Kaworu is interested in any and all of Rei's thoughts. It's fine whether she understands his intent or not.
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Another synchro test.
A tenure in the Pribnow box, seated in a throne without a soul. Or a silenced one; it is hard to say.
It is meditative to Rei Ayanami; to sit here, in the fluid that can so easily be taken for air, and to breathe, and to wait. To be in the warm confines of LCL, with its subtle undertone of the scent of blood, blood that she does not mind; it is not life, exactly. But it is a pause. A restorative.
She thinks sometimes of burial in moments like this.
It is different this time; there is something else, someone else out there. Not the curiously neutral-polarity presence of the Administrator in his role as the Fifth during the operation against the great oceanic Angel, but... something else. There is a feeling of receptivity on Rei's part, sometimes flickering to an active state. There had been the occasional minor error.
Minor.
Emerging from the plug is familiar too, always with that subtle and tentative moment, the feeling that she has stepped out into a realm where she cannot ultimately exist. That feeling has faded but it never disappears, like the thrilling sense of an aircraft accelerating to takeoff, or the moment when thrust ends in space and there is only the pressure of the spheres and the Sides upon one's inner sea.
'Good work, Rei.'
"Thank you."
'The bilateral asymmetry in your ratio has resolved. Any relict sensation?'
"No."
'Good to hear.'
And with that he had left.
There had been a smile on her face, if a small one. The light remains, though the smile doesn't, during the journey. Rei, of course, has little to say -- until she is addressed.
"... You were closer than you were during the operation," Rei states, after the question.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Minor errors are surely acceptable, as long as they don't crop up. These are the psyches of children they're working with. Sometimes it might seem a miracle that they're able to get anything done at all.
Kaworu doesn't fret about such things. When it comes to synchronization, he has no doubts, no fears, no hesitations--despite the fact that he consistently lags behind the other pilots, save perhaps Mari, who's simply stubbornly middle-of-the-road every single time without exception. He has other concerns on his mind.
They don't show during the test, of course. For all appearances, he's his usual calm, smiling self. And why wouldn't he be? The tests had been promising.
Two souls synchronizing not just with an Evangelion, but with each other... It's a pleasant feeling indeed. Even if the other soul isn't...
Kaworu hums quietly, thoughtful and reflective, even as he continues to smile. Her own smile has already faded, but its effects can still be observed. They're pleasant to witness. "Progress doesn't move in a linear direction. There are advances, setbacks, and distractions. But Lilim tend to only appreciate forward motion. Ergo 'a little better than last time' is enough to satisfy them." He pauses. "Do you agree?"
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Rei's head tilts down at the question.
It's got a few different angles to it. Rei folds her arms and just stops walking while she considers. Perhaps she has learned enough of Kaworu's habits to anticipate he will probably stay in the area. He might even show concern. Rei doesn't respond to it right away.
The questions unfold in different directions. Multiple trains travelling from a station, like particles leaving subtle bubble trails in a deep observatory.
The futility of progress.
There are no lines in nature. Little is straight. Even the appearance is false; the Earth itself curves.
But, there are increases.
And, inevitably they decline.
They?
Advances, setbacks and distractions.
To defeat an Angel. An advance.
The severe damage to an Evangelion. The loss of a pilot. The loss of defense structures. The loss of human life. The loss of animal life. The loss of plant life. The loss of occult life, too small to see. A setback.
Mankind's works. A distraction?
"The second law of thermodynamics," Rei says. "If there is no improvement, then there is instead decay."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
There isn't a need to show concern yet, so Kaworu doesn't; however, he does stop when she stops, turning to face her and wait as she considers her response. It's probably been common in Rei's life that her tendency to take a long time to consider her responses results in frustration or irritation to some degree from whomever she's dealing with.
Kaworu has never responded that way. He's content to wait for however long it takes for her to give voice to her thoughts. And as she does mull over it, he watches her face with a bit of fondness in his own.
When she ultimately gives her conclusion, Kaworu nods. "From decay, new things can be born," he replies. It might be a counter; it might simply be a statement. "Indeed, without decay, there would be no room for new growth. The universe would remain stagnant and unchanging, repeating the same cycle for all eternity."
His smile lists to one side. "Of course, for some, the idea might be comforting. Lilim crave stability: something that will never change, something that moves in regular, predictable cycles, on and on. Yet at the same time, they also crave excitement: an unexpected twist, the thrill of the unknown."
For a moment, he pauses. Then he half-turns towards their destination and leans that way, as if to start walking once more. If Rei moves with him, he does; if she doesn't, he settles back in place. "If these experiments are successful, it will lead to innovation--breaking new ground with the Evangelions. But that also means that the way Evangelions are used may evolve far beyond the current status quo. How do you feel about that?"
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
There have been a range of responses to things that Rei has said, some of them more emphatic than others. Sometimes, she still feels the pain.
She scratches the side of her neck.
"Cycles arise," Rei says: "they persist for a while, and they then fade. Perhaps they transform." This is maybe the first time Rei has said 'perhaps' aloud. She doesn't look at Kaworu, still gazing at the Geofront's flooring as if it will reveal secrets.
Rei can sense the motion. She walks. But she doesn't quite look up.
"..."
Rei begins to say something - the opening syllable was something with a 'w' in it but it doesn't even quite reach the vowel. It was subtle, almost a breath.
"..."
A throne for a soul.
Something immortal.
Particle-wave matter, impervious to the ills of the red clay.
How do I feel about that?
"... It's dizzy... I..."
"... it isn't something I had thought about," Rei concludes, her voice regaining its usual poise, or at least, lack of inflection. Whether this represents 'recovered steadiness' or 'a return to the ground after a brief flight,' who can say.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"True," Kaworu replies of cycles, nodding once. Though she may not look at him, he continues to watch her. She seems perturbed--almost speaking before lapsing back into silence, and finally admitting to dizziness. It's now that concern flickers in his red gaze, smile flattening.
"Are you all right?" he asks. "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. That wasn't my intent."
Something she hadn't thought about, though. It makes sense for her. Turning a corner, Kaworu briefly considers their destination--just a few yards up ahead--before returning his attention to her. "Many of our pilots seem to fear the future. I can understand why. As an array of infinite possibilities, it has no more substance than a feather floating adrift. Yet for the same reason, it weighs heavier than lead. For us children burdened by fate, it is as a shackle, even."
He breathes a little sigh, then comes to a stop in front of the shower rooms. One door has a rectangular humanoid shape colored blue; the other has a triangular humanoid shape colored pink. Kaworu considers these symbols for a moment. Then he looks back at her.
"If you were unconstrained by the fate that has been placed upon you, what future would you like to experience?" he wonders.
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Rei shakes her head. "I do not feel dizzy," she says. Her hand comes up. The white polymer coating wrinkles faintly as she makes a sort of expansive, grasping gesture. Then her fingers curl together.
"... The idea is dizzy... It's not the right word," Rei finishes, but the momentary passage of frustration, embarrassment, the attempted articulation that did not reach its mark, passes. She straightens up, taking a deeper than usual breath. Her arms fold. Poise.
They are at the threshold where they would have to return to a different form.
Regaining the costume of humanity.
We are similar, now.
Closer in form. Closer to the Eva. Closer to the
?
Unconstrained.
It's not possible.
Rei's brow furrows, just the smallest bit. Her head turns.
A useless question.
Useless, like the flowers.
Useless, like Tsurugi's fatherhood.
Useless, like the Tarabaman toy.
Useless, like pizza.
Useless, like clothing.
Useless.
A use-less thing.
Like.
My desires.
He asks my desires.
My desires are without use; yet he seeks them.
"... Administrator," she says.
"You have lived on the Moon?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"I see," Kaworu says when Rei clarifies. He doesn't push her on this mark, or ask her to rephrase. She does seem a touch more at ease, though, something he notes as she works through what it is she wishes to say.
They're here at the threshhold of where they would be divided by "gender." A man and a woman in form, variations in the details of their body parts. But right now they stand in the same plug suits, bathed in the same LCL. Yet is defining those by their differences entirely a bad thing? It's those differences that allow one to celebrate oneself as an individual. Otherwise, they may as well all give themselves over to Instrumentality.
She turns her head; her eyebrows furrow a hair. Kaworu watches her, waiting unhurried, as he always does. Waiting for her, with her, is hardly such a bad thing.
They may be of no use as 'people.' But it's as a person he will continue to treat her. He knows well how much more wonderful and vibrant the world is when one is allowed to *be* a person.
Call it passing the lesson forward, perhaps.
"Hm?" And then: "Yes. It's a quiet place, as you might expect. Serene, but also lifeless. Little was actively needed of me there, and the one time I *was* actively needed ended very quickly. My favorite part about it was the exquisite view of the Earth."
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Rei is quiet for several more seconds after what Kaworu says.
Then she starts talking.
"When I left the Geofront," Rei says, "the Moon was full. It hung in the sky, a gentle greeting. Tokyo-3 glowed beneath its embrace, luminous. A grid of creation, in ten thousand colors."
"In the sunrise, it shone; in the day, it was prosaic," Rei continues.
Another pause. She glances towards the women's door for a moment. She takes a deep breath again, or its shadow.
"... I watch the Moon," Rei says. "When I can. The valley and the dead seas. The transit of the meridian as it moves around the Earth. The ghost-glow of the crater bases when it came new. Travelling, travelling. It moves away from the Earth; further, further. Slowly." Rei raises her left hand, turns it palm upwards, and crooks up her smallest finger at the second joint. "This far, every year."
Rei's hand relaxes.
"... a future," Rei says, "when I will see Tokyo-3 from the Moon."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
It's appropriate that Shinji gave Rei a blank journal as a present for her birthday; she speaks so poetically, a lyric beauty in her choice in words. Kaworu listens with enjoyment as she speaks, not just to her message but to her word choice as well. Some might be amazed at how much she speaks. He simply basks in it. When she indicates the distance the Moon moves away from the Earth each year, though, his smile broadens, but his eyes somehow sadden.
A future where she'll see Tokyo-3 from the Moon. It's a romantic idea--as romantic as her anecdote. Kaworu can understand. He accepts all manner of things as simply the way they are, but yearning remains so much a part of him.
"So you wish to go to the Moon... Of course. I suppose it calls to you. You and I are both of the Moon." He turns his gaze upwards, as if towards that distant white orb, even though dozens if not hundreds of layers of steel block the view of the sky from where they are. "The view of the Earth from there is exquisite indeed... I always found my eyes drawn to the Hakone region in particular."
For a moment, he falls silent. Then, movements smooth, he returns his gaze to her. "Rei Ayanami... did you know the Moon is in love with the Earth?
"I suspect you've always known. An intrinsic truth that resonates within your body and soul..." He chuckles a little, self-deprecatingly, as he averts his eyes. "...or perhaps I'm just forcing a parallel between you and I."
Another pause. He regards her again. Whatever strangeness had overtaken him for that moment seems to have passed. "The Tagbha Base, where I was stationed, is still operational. I can't make any guarantees, but if it's your wish, once they wish me to return," once they wish me to return, as if it's an inevitability, "I can ask to let me bring you there, too."
Though perhaps she'd prefer to travel there with Commander Ikari, he reflects. If nothing else, he'd be likelier able to actually do it. While there's plenty of reason for SEELE to return him to the Moon, the same can't be said of her.
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Rei's head tilts slightly to the side as Kaworu says where his eyes are drawn.
For the sake of its beauty?
Because he knows of its importance?
She is quiet, though. A question comes.
"..."
"Yes," Rei says.
"But I don't know if the Earth returns its love."
After this, she reaches up to take the white A10 clips out of her hair, perhaps taking this as an opportunity, however subconscious, to drag out the conversation just a few more moments, a few more heartbeats. She holds the clips in her hands then, at the offer.
"Yes," Rei says. "I think that I would enjoy it." She looks over then, and up slightly. "Does the Earth show faces to the Moon, as the Moon to the Earth?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Well... who knows?
Though Rei's respond might sound disheartening to some, Kaworu actually brightens. "You *do* understand," he says, as if basking in a marvel. "I knew you would... but I feared you wouldn't."
He falls silent as she removes the A10 clips, though it's a warm sort of silence--the silence of solidarity, the warmth of being understood. As always, he waits for her, happy to remain in her presence whether they speak or not. If it's her intent to drag out the conversation, he's more than willing to go along with it. The tests are already done; NERV's expectations for them have ended for the night; for the time being, they can simply stand together and enjoy this moment while it lasts.
He doesn't bother to remove the black A10 clips from his own hair. He doesn't need an excuse to stay a little longer. He simply will, for as long as she'll permit him to.
"Then I'll keep watch for an opportunity. Hopefully it will come to pass for both of us," he replies. He knows that it'll come to pass for *him*. Sooner or later, he'll need to return for the Mark.06. Whether SEELE will allow Ikari's Girl to come with him... that's another matter entirely.
But there are other topics to discuss. Such as: "Yes--but not in quite the same way. It depends where on the Moon you are, too, since it's tidally locked. From Tagbha Base, which is on the light side of the Moon, the Earth hangs perpetually in the center of the sky, never rising or setting as the Moon does from Earth. It appears much larger, too. But though it barely moves from its position in the sky, from hour to hour, its surface changes as it rotates. I used to spend hours on end simply watching it..." His smile grows bittersweet as his gaze grows distant. "I suppose I always have."
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Rei shakes out her hair for a moment.
"... Then," Rei says, "I will hope it is possible as well..."
"I hope to watch it too."
Rei moves close enough to the female locker room for the door to detect her. Clasping the hair clips in her hand, she looks towards, slightly upwards, at Kaworu, and says:
"Thank you,"
Before vanishing from sight upon the other side of a portal.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu chuckles a little. 'I hope to watch it too,' she says. He doesn't move the metaphor along by telling her she already has; she is, after all, speaking literally. Instead, he returs her words of gratitude with a low nod and a fond smile.
When she at last leaves, he does likewise from his end on his side. Conversing with Rei is always a pleasure, but so too is a long, hot shower.