2022-04-02: What Is The 'Cost' Of Gratitude
- Log: What Is The 'Cost' Of Gratitude
- Cast: Ruri Hoshino, Alexis Kerib
- Where: Tokyo-3, Japan
- Date:2022-04-02
- Summary: The Nadesico releases the bear they risked their lives for back to the Federation. Alexis finds Ruri in a moment away from the ship. Unfortunately, she holds him in warmer regard now he's gone so far as to save her life.
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
Back from the Bering Strait, the Nadesico is currently docked at Tokyo-3 after delivering NERV's most ornery pilot back to their gentle embrace. A Federation ship is parked alongside, an entire size-class smaller, for the safe delivery of the Nadesico's payload: one (1) laboratory bear, genetically engineered to...
... actually, no one told Nadesico why they genetically engineered the bear. Maybe they just ran out of dogs?
Of course, the transfer is being overseen by important people; Ruri is here too, holding a data pad, just in case they need some systems operated in a hurry. From one cargo bay to another, the bear is transferred in a very technologically advanced bear carrier, complete with plush comfy bedding, which is apparently a real thing the Federation has. They designed a carrier for bears.
You know, just in case they decided to do science to one.
Luckily, the transfer goes smoothly, and the bigwigs are excused from official duty. Ruri should really just head back inside with everyone else, but --
Well, it might be true that she has a little concern, for other things which came out of a lab. Concerns, and -- well, never mind that. It just means she ends up drifting further towards the Federation ship, trying to get a look at what they're doing to that bear once they load it up.
The ship's hatch closes, though -- those secrets are lost to her.
(She looks down, at the data pad clutched in a hand, and wonders if that's really true. But...)
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
Akane needs space to understand why things went the way they did this week. That's fine. Alexis has a lot of hanging threads to poke at. Chief among them: Ruri.
Ruri's datapad presents a prompt that, at this point, has no doubt become familiar. A very pixelated Alexis Kerib appears in a message window on Ruri's datapad, with a simple text interface directly below him and extending off to the right from his portrait.
> "Ah, Ruri. Is now a good time to say hello?"
> "The young lady is on spring break at the moment... she went on a trip with her friends. It turned into kind of a mess... she wants some space."
> "Please forgive the intrusion if it'd be inappropriate right now, of course."
He waits patiently, just between the lines that connect person to person.
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
That's not how communication windows work on the Nadesico, notably -- but very little about Alexis Kerib works with the Nadesico.
She sees that prompt, though, as she's contemplating what she could do with something like a data pad. Her eyes widen, fractionally; she looks around her, to the busy port. There's the joint-hinge which collapses the whole structure underground, with cables to inform it just when to move. There's the Nadesico, across the way. There's...
Ruri walks behind a shipping container one of the ships has emptied, hiding herself between steel and the deep blue sea. It stretches out to one side of her, impossibly blue, impossibly deep. The sound of the waves carries up here, even though they're high as ships, here on the docks.
She puts a hand to the pad, and inputs, through her interface:
> Now is fine, Mr. Kerib. In any case, I'd like to talk with you.
And as it happens, visiting Ruri here really is just visiting Ruri -- without another consciousness lurking around and keeping an eye on him. She's out of the Nadesico, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
At the very least, he's successfully gotten to the stage of reliably getting Ruri to agree to talking to him. That's often much of the battle with cases like these. The rest of the Nadesico remains something of a persistent threat, but...
... well, for the moment, things are going well. He's sure he can make these things work, given enough time.
Alexis steps out from near the shipping container, as if he has always been there. This is a different sensation -- gone is the near-immediate sensation that, as he appears, he becomes observed as much as he'd like not to be; here, he is truly alone with Ruri.
He translates toward her, maintaining a respectful distance. "It pleases me to see you're safe!" he says, increasing the joviality just a little bit. "Apologies for any worries my last-minute appearance caused... things have been terribly busy of late. I struggle with events of that scale... it can be difficult to find the right moment and location to move."
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
Ruri turns, when she hears Alexis's voice; she's not the sort of person who can just tell when people appear, when she can't see them. Gratitude shadows her face, though it does little but gentle her brow and her eyes.
She doesn't... entirely understand his description of what the world is like for him, but he doesn't seem to be saying anything bad, as far as she can tell.
Her hands fold over the data pad, drawing it to her chest; she bows, in traditional Japanese style. "Thank you for saving me, Mr. Kerib," Ruri says, as she straightens up -- much straighter than middle-schoolers ever usually stand, but then again, Ruri doesn't go to school. (She's already graduated.) Her hands lower, and the data pad hangs in a hand, at her side. "I thought you were a pretty suspicious person, but in the end, you really were reliable... if it wasn't for your help, things could have gotten much worse."
She still doesn't sound much of anything about it; Ruri doesn't typically put much of volume or variation in her tone. Nevertheless, she's speaking genuinely.
... she isn't suspicious of his appearance, or his description of it.
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
When Ruri straightens out, Alexis subtly straightens out as well. He doesn't bow, though, which is probably fine, because he's an alien.
"You are of course welcome. I've become quite fond of speaking with you, you know... I'd have been quite unhappy had something happened to you." That much is actually very true -- so true, in fact, that he plans to have a Discussion about it with his co-conspirator.
Not that Ruri needs to know that, of course.
"Would you like to talk about it...? I must admit my familiarity with the state of the Earth Sphere is quite patchy. I don't have any idea why that particular mix of mobile weapons would've attacked a concert, of all things... it seems like a lot of trouble to go to, if the objective is simply chaos." He thinks for a few moments about what else he can even say.
After all, the truth would ruin the game. So instead, he translates just slightly to one side -- the illusion of movement.
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
"Thirty-eight years ago, we discovered an alien race called the Zentradi... there was a very serious war before we settled our differences, so they say, but these days Zentradi live peacefully here." She's able to rattle off these facts, of course, because she looked it up; reading the encyclopedia is like coping. Ruri sighs, glancing out to the ocean. "But for some reason, that was a ship of Zentradi who wanted to fight. I don't know why they didn't like the concert... but singing seems impactful, to them."
Her gaze moves back forward, to Alexis -- somewhat to the side, to Alexis. "Mr. Hoary said that soldier wasn't trying to shoot me, but... I read the reports, and it seems they weren't showing any mercy. I suppose Megumi-san and the others don't want to worry me, since I'm a young lady, but -- if I hadn't ignored my duties to go to that concert with Miss Lee, we might have been able to drive back the attack before they could board in the first place." Her downcast expression is mild as the icebergs they just had to deal with; her voice is as measured as ever. "I really can't do frivolous things... whenever I step away, there's a situation I should have handled."
Even so, the way she looks up, to sight the top of the Nadesico, is clearly guilty.
"Foolish, isn't it?" She asks, lightly, as she looks back to Alexis.
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
"Ah -- yes, of course. The Zentradi I am familiar with, though the timeline is enlightening," Alexis agrees, with a small -- almost imperceptible -- nod. "Some people simply can't give things up... it seems like the Zentradi are much the same, in that regard. Many people long for a return to a time their lives were more..." He seems to struggle to find the words. "... directed, I suppose. The Zentradi are a species committed to warfare."
He doesn't think too hard about that, though; after all, his focus is on Ruri. These things only matter insofar as they inform her, at the moment. "Ah, I see. So committed to your work! It's noble of you to worry about them so." A world that becomes big enough will collapse into a black hole on its own, after all -- so at this stage, it may be best to encourage her.
"Do you trust this Mr. Hoary's assessment...?" he asks, zeroing in a bit. "I would hardly say it's foolish to want things, though. The young lady -- she often wants the sorts of experiences circumstances have denied her as well. Though, again -- it's kind of you to consider how your desires impact others so closely."
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
"I don't like it," Ruri says, flatly, of devotion to war. Well, perhaps it's no wonder someone who's always been directed would hold a little scorn for people who'd want something so foolish. And fighting just for the sake of fighting...
Are they really all right with that?
She is a cool star; it takes some effort, to get her to burning. Ruri nods, when Alexis notes her commitment. Well, privately, it's a little sad he can speak of her commitment in the same breath as the Zentradi's commitment to war, but... oh, well. Something like this can't be helped, she supposes.
(Is she really all right with that?)
"Mr. Hoary is a reliable man," Ruri affirms. A moment's pause, "... I trust him." Direct statements like that aren't really Ruri's style; it takes her a moment to muster the bravery. "But I should have known better... I thought it would be fine, since the last attackers weren't there for Ms. Nome at all. I..."
Her arm crosses her trunk, to grasp at the one opposite; her other hand is, naturally, still occupied with her very expensive piece of technology. She wouldn't just drop something like that. A shadow of a frown crosses her face. "I'd never been to a concert. Miss Lee is passionate about music... I wanted to go with her. But instead, something that dangerous happened... I kept thinking if I'd been at my station, maybe Miss Lee wouldn't have had to be so scared." Ruri's not a heartless girl, for all she seems unmoved by people's feelings; she knows very well how Ranka reacts, in a battle.
She still hasn't talked to her about it.
"Even during this mission... everyone else left for lunch after the pilots completed their task, but I stayed behind to wrap everything up. The Captain told me to go, so I went... but a few moments later, Omoikane issued an emergency alert, since the Gravity Wave Cannon had fired and alerted the enemy to where we were hiding." Ruri shakes her head, a little, twin-tails bobbing to and fro. "If I'd been there, I could have calmed Omoikane down... I suppose it was an accident, but he thought those orders were the best way to protect everyone."
The bloodthirst of the Nadesico's computer is another problem entirely. She's working on it.
Ruri sighs, a hint of frustration to her as she looks up, to the blue, blue sky. She's not the first person who's asked: "What's with me?"
She told Asuka it was because she was working, but...
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
Alexis spots something in Ruri's words. Oh, what a lovely feeling! What an utterly human sensation. The desire to be able to simply -- do everything, so others can enjoy their peaceful lives. The guilt for wanting that and in the same breath wanting to live out in the world...
What a lovely tug-of-war!
"It's quite good of you to prioritize Miss Lee, in this way, too," Alexis agrees, without hesitation. "Not that it's wrong of you to want to go to a concert, mind! The human heart does often long for song... it has an almost -- liberatory quality."
Hm, giving away too much...? No -- this is a world that has already seen the power of song to slip bondage and free hearts. The hint isn't anything they don't already have -- and at this level of abstraction may not be obvious anyway.
"'What's with you' is that you're doing your very best to fulfill many disparate requests, and doing -- on the whole -- an excellent job!" He moves his body a little bit -- hunching a tiny bit as he speaks. He doesn't place himself on Ruri's level -- that would be near impossible -- but it's at least a gesture.
"Nergal-san has invested much in you -- and unless you withdraw fully and completely, you do owe them your best effort, I suppose. Granted, if you did withdraw fully things would no doubt change significantly, but..." He trails off. Maybe it's best if he doesn't spell things out. For now, simply creating the false dilemma is the best he's got.
Omoikane has always been... a thorn in Alexis's side, with the girl. Seeing even the smallest rift between them... "Your Omoikane seems quite... upset, of late? Erratic, to be sure." Don't press it too hard, he reminds himself. They're still... whatever obscene mockery of friendship a girl and her computer represents. "As his friend, it's your responsibility to keep him from endangering everyone else."
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
"Harmonics are relevant to systems, too, so I know about music. But I can't sing like Miss Lee does... she's more experienced, I suppose." She's in high school, so it's basically impossible for Ruri to imagine how world-weary Ranka must be by now after so long working part-time jobs. No wonder she can communicate so much through her music.
(Ruri may have a slightly unreliable perspective on how many life lessons someone has by the time they're old enough to attend high school, but she is still twelve. That never stopped being a thing or anything.)
It's the fact that Alexis moderates his praise at all that makes it easier to swallow; Ruri has had more than enough of people telling her she's doing an excellent job regardless of the situation. She looks to him, and wonders how obvious her preoccupation really is, if Alexis can hit the nail on the head so succinctly. "If I ran away, they'd come and get me, I suppose," Ruri tells him, plainly. "I don't see why Nergal would differ from the Federation in protecting their assets. Not that I'd leave, anyway."
She's not trapped; she likes it here. She'd much rather be on the Nadesico than in a lab, anyway.
Ruri sighs, glancing down to her data pad. Her responsibility... "It's not Omoikane's fault. The enemy was there, the Captain gave the order... it was an accident, but he thought it was valid in the moment." He's stressed; he's jumpy.
... and the world just sees his inner conflict as 'endangering everyone else'.
She's very afraid for him, really.
Ruri shakes her head, and looks back to Alexis. "Mr. Kerib," she says, "can I ask you a question?" The fact that she's asking it now is -- well, it might not be blatant misdirection if she were talking to someone other than Alexis. "Have you withdrawn fully? When you took me to the Nadesico... it was so dark."
Her eyes were closed, but apparently, she could still tell.
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
Alexis takes in Ruri's words. She affords Omoikane an unusual amount of latitude, for something of its nature. He needs to be cautious -- that bond is as real as any, and it'll take real thought to find a way to sever it.
Ruri turns things around and asks Alexis a question -- or rather, asks whether she can ask one. "Hoooh? Oh, sure -- I don't mind questions." So proceeds Alexis's answer. He always engages -- always allows these sorts of prompts. Akane asks so few things that cost him anything to answer; she's so absorbed in her own heart that --
-- 'Have you withdrawn fully?'
In hindsight, the question really ought not surprise him so much. It's a natural outgrowth of the topic they were already on. It legitimately unseats him to have to consider -- how to even approach this. It's a difficult prompt, but...
"Not as such," Alexis says. It's a prompt that forces him to look backward to even create an answer that won't upset the delicate stack of half-truths and misdirections he's put forth. "I did explain I was immortal, yes? Immortality often means outliving such things. After several thousand years, I'm sure your Nergal-san will be just as much a memory as anything else!"
As for the darkness within him, though... "I can understand why you'd see it that way. Moving in such a manner requires me to place you in a space that is not -- quite -- physical, the way your species understands it. So I suppose it's natural that you'd see such a thing as a void."
Alexis's relief as he finishes his answer can be seen in the shift of his shoulders, the slight relaxation of his posture. Even he doesn't realize he's doing it -- a rarity, for one whose movements are usually so practiced. He even forgets to follow up on Omoikane, for the moment.
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
"So you distance yourself through time rather than space," Ruri observes, succinctly, after Alexis explains himself. "But you can't really suggest people like us do that, since humans only last for a century... I suppose in a situation like that, a physical retreat would be the closest analogy."
She's an analyst; no wonder she analyses. She notices the way his shoulders sink down, just the same. Perhaps that's why she draws the conclusion for him. Ruri isn't afraid of difficult questions, after all.
"I guess that makes sense," she concludes, lightly, a moment later. "My gifts have nothing to do with alien dimensions, so I wouldn't know anything about space like that. I suppose it must be more vivid to someone like you, Mr. Kerib... well, not that I really understand where you're coming from a lot of the time, but if it were really a void it would be hard to navigate."
The nice thing about analysts, really, is that they find explanations for everything. No wonder Ruri takes after Inez so well.
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
"I suppose time has put a great deal of distance between myself and others," Alexis concedes. He keeps his cards close to his chest here, of course; it would be unseemly to allow himself to be ruled by a very human set of relationships. He can acknowledge his past in fits and spurts -- that he has existed, after all, is hardly controversial. A void of thousands of years basically begs to be filled.
This comment, however, is... a little different. To equate the type of purposeful withdrawing he's suggesting Ruri do with his own background is...
He may well have given Ruri too much. "Oh, yes," he says, instead -- pivoting to the topic of how he moves. "Creatures like yourself are ruled by bonds, yes? I can observe such things, albeit in a limited way. A sufficiently large, unaddressed feeling grows into a seed, a diamond, a jewel -- and the light reflects off it in turn."
And yet: Alexis only observes these feelings as part of movement -- sees their scope, their shape, yet is utterly divorced from understanding them unless he partakes of them in turn. In some senses, he hasn't changed at all over the centuries.
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
It's hard to understand people, isn't it?
But sharp as Ruri is, it's not so hard to redirect her. Her free hand lifts, clasping to a loose fist at heart level. "Are there many unaddressed feelings on the Nadesico, Mr. Kerib?" She asks, and she never stopped being earnest, not really.
"I suppose it's true that people have all sorts of feelings there," she muses, with that same level of abstraction, speaking-as-a-whole, reluctant to consider the personal implications. "These fools have an awful lot of intrigue going on. So in that sense, I guess there must be a lot of light coming from our ship."
Silence stretches for a delicate beat, the stroke of a hummingbird's hollow wings; another, another.
"And... that's why it was hard for you to find me at the right moment, I suppose," Ruri draws the bow long, a shade downcast. "I'm not a passionate person... I suppose I'm too cooled to give off much light."
(Omoikane would -- and has -- disagreed with this assessment. Ruri wasn't in the room at the time.)
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
"Oh, most assuredly. All human endeavors rack up unexpressed feelings! ... But there is something fascinating about your vessel, in that sense." Alexis feels like he's giving Ruri a lot here -- but by the same token, it's no doubt little she doesn't already know.
"Most ships are much more regular in their structure. A crystalline structure -- a pattern, yes? Similar things going unexpressed. A world-of-worlds -- like that city, the... Nouvelle Tokyo." Interlocking hexagons -- a common example of a crystalline lattice. "The Nadesico is more like glass, in its way. The crew are all terribly unique -- and so expressive! It actually dims their lights -- at least, as I observe them."
Ruri asserts that she's a cooled star, lacking in radiance... inconvenient. "Ah! No, hardly," Alexis offers, with a shake of his head. "If anything, it would be the opposite. Constant expressions of passion have a tendency to burn themselves out. The light of a person is quite bright -- but in a crowd of lights, finding one is an endeavor."
(Alexis would be loath to find out he and Omoikane agree on something -- but the light of Ruri's heart is already a beacon to Alexis. There's no way around that.)
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
Well, clearly Alexis is generous, if he saved Ruri's life and all.
She frowns, thoughtful, as she considers what he's telling her. Glass, of course, is an amorphous solid; for all the two may look similar to the naked eye, the molecular structure is entirely different. Glass is a disordered material, all clumped together with little care or foresight, and for that reason perhaps it's the best way to describe a civilian craft like the Nadesico.
(Ruri, raised to be a scientist, skips fully over the plain-face conclusion that Alexis calls the battleship easily shattered.)
She blinks, looking up to him. "So you're saying there's an inverse relationship between passion and visibility," she wonders, mildly, and draws some more conclusions about what his ward must be like. "Though... is that why you don't like crowds, Mr. Kerib? Because it's hard to see?"
Well, that's ONE explanation.
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
Ruri is a creature designed to observe, and so is observant indeed; Alexis has given her more than he even thought he had. "In a sense, yes. You have to control for the overall amount of emotion, but when you discuss proportions... yes, that's very much it."
It's good, on balance, to give her these types of assessment victories; again -- it doesn't harm him to allow them, and it no doubt makes Ruri feel more invested in what he has to say. She makes it personal, though...
... and Alexis is again a little gobsmacked. It's good his mask is so unexpressive, when he wants it to remain so. "That is among the reasons, certainly," he says. "A wider world makes it harder to observe in the way I prefer to. Not that I can't see it through my eyes, mind you! But in the same way you would feel overwhelmed if I made noise and it might have effects on your vision, certainly."
... Ruri is getting a lot out of him. He probably ought to close some of that off. "... I shouldn't keep you too much longer, I think," Alexis reflects. "Doubtless your ship will be done with its --" A glance. "-- trade? Before long."
<Pose Tracker> Ruri Hoshino has posed.
"I see," Ruri nods, still visibly quite neutral, when Alexis confirms her suspicions. She's pleased to have understood that much, though, under the skin. She is trying to understand Alexis Kerib. He's a very strange man, so it isn't exactly easy, but she's putting in a good-faith effort.
But then, understanding normal people isn't easy, either.
... she has to wonder just why he talks about a wider world when she was talking about crowds, though. The size of a world, Ruri thinks, is static, and in any case the world is large enough to contain both crowds and isolation.
Maybe it's an issue of translation.
(Ruri doesn't travel by train very often, so she's pretty sure she knows what a world is.)
If she were more attentive, she might notice the way he repeats his vocal tics, in much the way she does when she's trying to put aside her personal feelings. But then, she's being plenty attentive to the details which do seem relevant, to her analytical mind. Perhaps that's why the little things slip past her notice and her guard.
When he prompts her, though, she looks back up to the Nadesico -- which naturally towers quite high over a shipping crate, because it is the Nadesico. "I guess the post-transfer documentation will be finished soon," she agrees, stoic as ever. "You could come aboard, if you need something to do while your ward gets it together... but I'm afraid you come off as a rather suspicious man, Mr. Kerib, so it might be a bit of a pain."
There's a shred of apology, to a statement like that, which speaks to the terrible truth: Ruri doesn't view him as quite so suspicious, after what he did for her.
She dips her head in a nod, still entirely proper. "Thank you again," she says, leaves 'for saving my life' to implication. "I'd better be going, Mr. Kerib. I shouldn't stay away for too long, anyway." There's a moment's pause, before she turns and starts moving back towards the Nadesico.
(She doesn't look back. It only seems polite, knowing what she does about what life is like for him.)
<Pose Tracker> Alexis Kerib has posed.
"Well -- it can't be helped, I suppose," Alexis concedes. ... Having Ruri get in a fight with the Nadesico over exactly how trustworthy Alexis is sounds like a good time -- but he can delay that particular kerfuffle, he thinks. Alexis's position is one that's poorly stanced for such things, at the moment; better to wait until he has a few more petty, selfish kindnesses under his belt before he tries to drive a wedge in.
Ruri gives him a thank-you, and Alexis inclines his head very slightly in response. "You're quite welcome," he says. "I ought to be going myself, actually. Do take care." He leaves the object of that sentence open to interpretation. Ruri turns away --
-- and he is gone, as he always is.