2023-10-12: Munzo, Spain, Loum - 0062-0079
- Log: 2023-10-12: Munzo, Spain, Loum - 0062-0079
- Cast: Leina Ashta, Sayla Mass
- Where: Villa Mass, Spain
- OOC - IC Date: 11 October 2023
- Summary: Leina and Sayla finally talk more about Sayla's childhood, and their situation going forward. Apologies are made, and the two resolve to move forward together, as mother and daughter.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
It had been several weeks since Leina went back to school, and came home without incident. While she still went to therapy three times a week at 3G France... it was a sign, certainly, that things were getting back to normal for her.
Since today wasn't a therapy day, she went home - lending to a quiet day at the Villa, well, 'quiet'. The Villa was perhaps the only respite that Leina got from her Cathedra security detail. They were around, but not in the home. She'd agreed to certain reasonable measures so she could at least get privacy there. Tracking on her phone for example, another upon her watch. The loss of privacy certainly grated, but she'd accepted it without too much complaint, other than wryly noting they'd chip her like a cat if they thought there was any chance of agreeing to it.
Mostly Leina had been marathoning makeup homework, at a rate of productivity that few students could match. Certainly she took breaks, today alone she took a swim, and she cooked herself some dinner. Some might note that her weight was recovering, as was her more fit build, but - she certainly had a ways to go being this long out of training. At one point she caught herself up on Cathedra briefings to see if there were any upcoming deployments she was going to accept, contemplating the situation in Fujinomiya...
... but now, after hours upon end, she was well and truly retiring from any more work tonight. Perhaps there was less time spent on social media, chatting with friends, fielding phone calls, but wasn't that normal? Even if she was still a high school student, she was also an adult. Something that seemed more front and center with every life choice she makes.
Like this one. Sayla perhaps caught a hint of intent directed her way a little in advance. It was at that time that she knocked upon Sayla's office door, wearing a pink jumper and a pair of lounge trousers, with a ribbon in her hair.
"Don't you think it's past time you and I continued our talk?" She said with a subdued smile, "You know. The one that got cut a little short by-" A fingertip pointed at her head, before making a gesture like 'Everything'. She waits to be invited in, and then, "Before anything else - I'm going to need you to fess up if you have any surviving family pictures. I didn't get the chance to ask before."
Is that really what she's going to lead off with?
Why, yes, actually.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Despite having a lot to handle on the Foundation front- a downtick in funding, loss of sponsorship partners, hard negotiations- Sayla has spent as much time working from home lately as possible. There are still days where heading in to Paris or in person meetings is unavoidable.
She's even trying to work late a little less, though that's easier said than done. "Come in," Sayla says, her eyes shifting to the clock on her desk.
...Yeah, that's probably enough for tonight.
"...I do." Sayla agrees, gesturing Leina to the seat across from her. "I'd argue it's long overdue, on my part at least." Still, Leina's question gets a smirk.
"Somehow, I thought you might ask that." She opens a desk drawer, and pulls out a new album- it's not as stuffed as some of the others, maybe a third of the pages filled out, and it doesn't have a label yet.
"It took some digging, and I leaned on some of Kai's press contacts to dig up some old photos." There's tabs: Munzo, Spain, Loum. "Everything I could find. Even the embarrassing ones."
There are tabs making The very first picture is from the public announcement of Artesia's birth- wrapped up in her mother's arms, with her whole family- dressed formally. The pictures go on from there- some early baby pictures, papparazzi shots, plenty of her with Lucifer- it seems like she rarely left the house without him- and almost all of them have her with a young Char.
"Some of them might be a touch... confronting." Sayla admits. There's a couple of other shots that might be a surprise to Leina- Photos with the Zabi family- and the Karn family. A shot of Artesia, maybe four years old, holding a pink haired infant with the support of a young teen who bears a striking resemblance to Haman- but with longer hair, and a softer expression.
It certainly paints a light of what was. A carefree child, happy and full of light.
The Spain section is light- Sayla's old school photos, and... a few flamed damage family photos. Documentation photos of the Mass family- or the Rals, as Leina now knows. A photo from a school Halloween event, with Sayla dressed up as a witch- again holding Lucifer- and Edouard dressed as some sort of cowboy figure, with some other students. She looked... awfully happy back then%, but sometimes there's a sadness that wasn't visible in the Munzo photos.
Loum is only slightly thicker than Spain, and all the photos are official. School entrance photos, some from a local news article on prodigy scholarship students, documentation photos, recreations of old student and hospital IDs. Sayla doesn't look happy in any of them, and indeed, only begrudgingly taking the photos that aren't official. She's always distant from others.
"...You don't have to go through all of it once. There's a lot, and some of them might be hard to see. But... you deserve to have the option to, if you want to. I'm not going to try to hide anything of who I was from you anymore."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Well I wasn't going to say it!" Leina says airily, with the tone of someone that knows that Sayla knows she messed up back then, and being as magnanimous about it as she can, "But you're not wrong!"
And indeed, as she comes into the room, she's about to take a seat, but then moves around the desk to be on the same side of it as Sayla when the album is produced.
Leaning a hand on the desk, she smiles, at the first picture. For a time, Leina doesn't say anything at the picture of Artesia's birth, in her mother's arms.
The positive mix of emotions she feels, Sayla might feel a strange undercurrent there. Yet it's subtle, less than one might expect.
And indeed, as she turns to look at the next one, "You were even more adorable than I envisioned when you told me about yourself as a kid." Leina says perhaps pointedly, as if knowing it would jab Sayla's pride, but in a way perhaps deserved - and expected.
After all, looking at childhood pictures is always like that.
Sayla does warn, and Leina looks at them one by one, she doesn't look away, and there is a sorta back and forth current of emotions there seeing the Karns - the Zabis.
Seeing Sayla holding an infant Haman, for example, her expression wavers too, but she doesn't look away.
"It's... yeah - I'm glad I could see her this way. It's always - the way Judau feels." Leina shakes her head, and tries her best to avoid the urge to rub at the scar, looking at another picture of young Casval, right near that picture of Sayla holding Haman, "I spoke to Casval recently by the way - it uh - I misclicked on a call list back on Magallanica before I came home."
What a way to come face to face with Char Aznable, on a list of frequencies that Mineva uses.
Her eyes lift up just subtly at Sayla, "It didn't go... poorly or anything." She rubs a hand against the side of her head, as she looks away. Perhaps still parsing how she feels about the whole thing.
Instead she turns back to the pictures, at the few surviving Mass photos. Leina finds herself smiling despite herself at the SMILING witch, "Yep... adorable." She doesn't bring up the fact that Sayla looks happier.
After all, so many wounds contributed to the fact that she isn't now. Why reopen them more than she needs to?
The Loum section she picks through, and indeed - Leina's smile subtly starts to vanish as she looks upon it. At least in her pictures, Sayla was always around, but there should be someone else in Sayla's...
... it's hard for a time, not to feel angry at Casval...
"It's okay. I think, I'd like to try." She says, as she leans against the desk, hoisting up the album, to look at each one more closely, as she turns another page.
"Well... first thoughts? Impressions?" Leina looks up to look Sayla in the eye, "I'm not gonna relitigate the circumstances that - brought you to this point but... I'm just glad that you don't feel like you have to hide this side of yourself anymore."
And again, she looks back down at the album, "I get it like - how painful it must have been for you - why you made those decisions - but - I guess I've just - always wanted to be a part of your life? Come what may?"
There's this, shrug, not dismissive, more like she's just, inadequately describing her own feelings on the matter.
Like she's trying to focus less on the feelings of past betrayal and more on the positives of this finally coming out - for both Sayla and herself.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla shakes her head as Leina teases, but there's a smile on her face. It's a deserved thing, but the air is lighter than the last time they had a talk like this. As Leina comes to lean in, Sayla shifts her chair a little to let Leina view the album more comfortably.
"I hope I can trust you to keep that to yourself," Sayla says, with a playfulness to her tone. "My reputation will never recover if people find out I was cute."
Sayla reaches up to put her hand on Leina's shoulder as the more confronting pictures come. It's... easier to tell how Leina is doing these days. "I see." That... could not have been an easy conversation. "Thank you for trying." She won't press for the contents- but if Leina came away from the conversation not angry or frustrated...
Sayla gives a nod. "...I should never have hidden it from you," Sayla admits, a little shamefully. "No matter how I felt, you deserved to know. And in the long run, trying to just hurt you and put you and others at risk."
And as much as she'd apologized already, in the moments after Leina was rescued, they were both in heightened states of emotion. "I'm sorry for lying to you, Leina, and I'm sorry for not letting you into my life. You deserved better from me." There's another short pause, as Sayla takes a breath. "And... thank you for giving me the chance to do better."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"I never make a promise I can't keep, Mom." Leina says with a sense of lightness, but when the confronting pictures come, the hand on her shoulder certainly helps steady her.
She doesn't draw attention to it, more than nodding in appreciation.
"Hmm. I think I can at least understand why you - thought it was worth giving him a chance."
There certainly is hesitation in her voice, "And I think I need to give him one too? If he's going to be a part of yours and Mineva's lives. I certainly don't forgive him but - I can accept him, as a presence."
It's definitely a big concession. She still feels uncertain on the matter, as one should be when it comes to giving CHAR AZNABLE a chance but...
... the fact she's not spitting mad at someone even entertaining it, is progress.
Leina's still looking through the album, when Sayla admits she should have never hidden it from her. And Leina's eyes close, as certainly, there is still hurt there.
Hurt pride, hurt feelings.
Yet, as she apologizes, the grip on those feelings loosen and... she relaxes, leveling a look at Sayla, with open eyes.
"Mom. I get it. You've always tried to do right by me, even when you're doing wrong. Like - all of this..."
Her hand sweeps over a book, "... I get it, you were terrified. Of any number of things, any number of outcomes. So you screwed up."
But then there's a pause and then perhaps something a little unexpected happens, "I did too, some. I just - everything I went through before I met you, it kinda set my expectations, unreasonably high just - me tripping up on all of my bullshit standards for your behavior. Losing sight of what's important. Which - caused you to get swept up in it too, getting all terrified about not meeting them."
There's a quiet sigh as her eyes look down towards the album again at some early pictures of Mother and Daughter as she mutters, "Maybe that's why it took me so long to realize something so obvious - fundamental even. Why you had to spell it out to my stupid, brainwashed ass."
A pause and-
"So - I'm sorry for that." She puts up a hand, pinches her nose, "Don't get me wrong. I don't think the wrong is equal or something - but - I think you still deserved to hear that."
With a rub of her nose, she drops the hand, "Forgiveness, still a pretty tough sell?" She looks up, and there's a ghost of a smile, "You almost got yourself super killed, you d-dummy."
A hitch on the word dummy, and a wave of just, intense sorrow at the thought. "And god, all that time after Axis. But yeah - I think, yeah I can find it in myself to forgive you. Just, let's both do better from now on?"
A pause, as she adds-
"As mother and daughter."
After all, their relationship was Guardian and Ward before - no matter how ridiculous it sounded holding onto that when Leina was an adult, but it was better than having no word to define it.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla can't help but smirk at Leina's response- and firing Sayla's own attitude back at her.
"It's not a small ask," Sayla acknowledges, "so I'm glad that you can." Sayla's not without her own concerns about her brother- but the fact that Leina can tolerate that much gives a little cause for hope.
Sayla can feel that hurt from Leina, hurt that is Leina's right. Sayla doesn't turn away from it, even as she feels those feelings ease. As Leina speaks, Sayla sits and listens, concern for Leina rising as she speaks- and her own regrets.
Up until she hears that hitch. She doesn't keep still at that, standing and gently wrapping her arms around her in a hug, letting Leina say the rest.
Still, she can't help but smile as Leina spells it out. It's been the case for months now... but it still feels good to hear it. "That sounds good to me." Sayla says, quietly.
She gives Leina a little time in that hug, for both of them, before she finally raises the topic Leina came in for. "I'm ready for anything you want to ask, anything you want to talk about, when you are, mija."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"No it's just about as opposite to a small ask as you can get." Leina looks Sayla's way with a look of mirth, "But, you didn't actually ask, and she didn't actually ask either. And - I know you both want it. So I'll give him a chance."
She does look away at that moment.
"Did tell him the first time I catch him manipulating an underage girl I'd shoot him, and neither of you would complain though."
Or trying to reform Neo-Zeon, but that goes without saying. The other feels more likely on a scale of things he could do to 'fuck this up.'
As the apology progresses, Leina feels her arms around her, and slowly, one hand closes the album, as she returns the hug, "Good. I'm- I'm glad." She sniffs, but doesn't get much further than that on the tears scale.
And then Sayla puts it out there she's ready for questions, and Leina flashes a small smile, "We're talking now, aren't we?" She teases very lightly, "You must be getting anxious that I haven't thrown any hard ones your way. Guess... I should change that."
And indeed, she takes a deep breath and...
"Do you ever go back?" Leina says softly, "To the site of your old home?" There's a sorta, evaluating look within her eyes.
"I know you haven't on... Side 3, but - could always change that sometime."
Certainly that one feels more fraught but...
... she's at least putting it out here.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Leina has Sayla dead to rights there, and Sayla looks a touch embarrassed. Still, the comment about the line Leina put down gets a blink of surprise- then a small nod. "...You know what? Fair." Sayla's not really convinced Leina's joking, either but... Well, she's right.
Still, there's a warmth from Sayla as Leina says she's glad. That warmth has been more frequent, lately- and a little more vivid.
"A little," Sayla admits. "And I didn't want to completely derail you with old photos."
The hard question comes, and Sayla takes a second. "I've tried. When I first came back to Spain, I tried to find it, but... I was a kid when I left, and the landmarks I remember aren't there anymore. The wars changed the landscape so much, and there wasn't anything left standing after the fire."
Sayla sighs. "I'd try every year or so after that- even after you started living with me. I'd wait until after you'd gone to sleep, or when you were out... but after Axis I just stopped looking." Sayla sighs. "I suppose... I couldn't handle it then."
Sayla takes a pause, as things click together. "Still... Casval might remember better than I did. I could ask." She looks to Leina. For a long time, Sayla had closed herself off from her past. From her memories.
But she has no reason to, anymore, and if she keeps doing it will be ever harder to move on.
"...I think we should." It takes a little to work herself up to say it. "Do you want to come with me? The next time I look and... to go back to Side 3, as well?"
And while she suspects she knows how Leina would answer, the act of inviting is important for Sayla. It's a step forward in doing better, in letting Leina in, with no duress or terrible circumstances.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
It is both absolutely a joke, and completely not a joke too. Look, the accounts of people who were a part of the second Neo-Zeon are pretty vivid on that point.
She does manage a smile of warmth, "Nothing is derailing that one. I'll probably be looking through this one for days, to be honest."
As she asks the hard question, she lets Sayla brace herself, and assess the answer. Her eyes follow her as she offers that answer-
"So that's why you were out those nights, and came back feeling like that." Leina murmurs softly, Sayla's walls were always strong but - she is a powerful Newtype after all, one can never hide everything completely if she's close to them.
After Axis? She can completely understand it being more difficult.
"Hm. He might." Leina allows, "If he could help with that - it might be a good experience for you both."
She does look away at that moment, her feelings are decisively mixed, but she's still getting - used to the idea of him being a part of her life.
The reason why they're mixed though is simple, because that's the point in Sayla's life where the two parted ways.
As Sayla indicates, that 'we' should. Leina blinks, as a moment ago she was wondering if she should allow the two to get to it together, but then smiles at her, "Of course. And well - the two of us are gonna have, a lot of reason to make trips to Side 3 from now on."
After all, Magallanica is a semi-permanent fixture of that space, even if it can move any time. "I just - I don't know? Maybe it'd be good for you to have that kind of closure - and even if it doesn't give you that..."
She reaches out to take her hand, squeezing it, "I still want to see it - with you."
Not just to be a part of her life - to know that part of her life - to be included in that space she kept to herself before, but to be a reminder that for what she's lost - that she has a family that's a part of her life, and loves her.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
"Take your time with it," Sayla says, confirming her intention to let Leina look through it at her pace. "But when you're done, can you put it back on the shelf with the others?" It's a little bit of a push, on Sayla's part. Putting that part of her life with the rest of it- but it's honestly overdue.
Sayla gives Leina a nod. "...Yeah." She would make up excuses for Leina- late night meeting, a drive to get things off her mind... "I should have known you would have noticed."
Sayla feels for a moment she's stepped a little too far, given Leina's feelings toward Char, so she doesn't press further. "It wouldn't be the first time I've taken too long too face something I should," Sayla says. There's humour in there, but there's a sense of guilt there too.
As Leina squeezes her hand, Sayla smiles a little and squeezes back. "There's no one else I'd rather have with me."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina looks back down at it for a moment, until Sayla tells her that when she's done, to put it back on the shelf with the others. An eyebrow shoots up, questioning because-
"You sure? It's not just me in this household anymore on most days."
Indeed, she knows that Sayla at this point has gone public, and that most people in her life are validating - accepting of this but...
... still she asks. "Are you really comfortable with this side of your life just, laying around, for anyone to browse?" And it's not her leaning that Sayla should be certainly, but she wants to be sure.
It wasn't really a step too far, it just took her off guard perhaps. It makes perfect sense but - she's still getting used to the fact that Casval has that special place, enshrined in Sayla's life.
Noone else can be someone's older brother, after all. She knows that quite well, that noone can ever be Judau. But Judau isn't Char.
Either way, she nudges Sayla good-naturedly, and smiles, "Nope. And knowing you, it won't be the last but - I think it's a healthier way to live."
And indeed, when she squeezes her hand back, Leina closes her eyes, "Well- then, I guess we'll have to plan that sometime soon. There certain logistics and... concerns of course but..."
She smiles then, at the thought, "...let's make it happen."
And yet, Sayla did open herself up to anything, here and now with the hard questions.
"Okay, maybe an easier question, maybe a harder one. So for you and me - what next?" Leina asks, and it may be unclear what she's asking, "For you know, the mother - daughter thing?"
She tilts her head to the side thoughtfully as she asks, "What... do you want there? It's kinda, connected to all of this, isn't it? There's all sorts of... complexities surrounding it that."
The shrug of her shoulders feels, extra expressive in the moment "That maybe you didn't want to deal with before, but we kinda have to now? At least, talk it out? Like - uh - you first? Ideal world, what do you want for, all that?"
There's definitely some uncertainty there, like Leina isn't certain what she wants even, so perhaps she's dealing with it here.
It's not exactly the easiest subject for her to broach either, given that she shares a name with her Older Brother, but he definitely wouldn't think of Sayla as a mother.
Then there's that whole 'Lady of Neo-Zeon' thing, she was groomed into of course...
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
"I'm sure," Sayla confirms, though it's easy to feel some worry coming off Sayla about it. "I know that if anyone else saw it, they'd have questions... but the people who see that shelf are people we trust." Some of them had even seen some of the memories associated first hand. "But I'm planning to get all of them out there. The ones from Cheyenne, from here... I need to accept that this was all part of my life. And this is a step toward it, even if I'm not that person anymore."
Sayla lets out a small chuckle. "I hope so. It would be a lie to say that it's not... frightening, a little, for it all to be out there like this, but it's better I do the parts I can on my terms."
Sayla gives a firm nod. "Maybe we can arrange for an after hours visit, something private. I think I'd draw too much attention otherwise." She's pretty sure many people living in Zeon today would have complicated opinions on her, as much as they have opinions at all.
This time, though, Leina pulls out one of the harder ones. "...You're right. That's a hard one." Sayla shifts to put her weight against her desk. "I guess the first thing I should tell you is that.. I thought about asking you if you wanted me to adopt you back when you were twelve. I never quite worked up the courage, and it didn't feel fair to do so while Judau was still away. And the years went on, and well... Eventually it felt too late to ask. Like it would change things too much."
Sayla takes a pause, to let it sink in. "If you want to go through the process, to make it legal, I'd like that, but only if you want to." It's a lot. Sayla knows it's a lot, but Leina asked. It's a hard topic. "...If you wanted to take on my surname, or hyphenate it, I'd support that too." Sayla takes a deep breath. "But that's not a choice I expect you to make without taking your time to think about it. What about you? Do you know what you want, yet?"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina follows along with Sayla's confirmation, and her plan. Her acceptance of this as a part of her life, and all it entails.
A smile blooms at that moment, "Alright, but just be ready when others in the household tell you that you were adorable as a kid - and the fact they know that isn't because I informed them."
Indeed, it's hard to accept that things aren't always completely within one's control, it is the frightening part of life. "As much as we can then." Leina says quietly, "And after hours sounds good, we'll have to be discreet travelling around the area at all - the papparazzi on Side 3 are vicious opportunists."
Isn't that all papparazzi though? Maybe Leina means 'more than usual.' After all, everything that goes on on Side 3 either defines a person as for or against the Federation - and Zeon cause.
The uncertainty surrounds Leina as Sayla starts to answer her question, thinking about it, then and Leina shifts position when she mentions she thought about adopting her when she was twelve.
"God, that soon?" She rubs her face, "Can't believe I was so blind to it." A deep breath, and...
"I need to talk to Judau about it, I think. You might need to too? Maybe, but should be me first - I can't put it on you two to just 'work it out'. That's unfair to you both."
A beat.
"Especially while they're in the middle of starting - wedding planning? Yeesh. But ah- um."
This level of uncertainty and insecurity isn't like her, and for a time it's easy to interpret that as being cold on the idea.
"I think? No - I know. I'd like to make it official? The name - not sure yet? I need to talk to Judau. That - that one I need his input, and to know if he's okay with it."
She looks away from Sayla, shoulders hunched, a little vulnerable, "I mean, he'll probably be okay with it, maybe. Like? It's not unusual for a young woman to take another name on. It's just, right now Ashta? It's about, the two of us and our relationship really - and I guess, Roux now too? Maybe! I'm not sure if she's taking on that name or not?"
The anxiety is a little strong, but it's not anything Sayla did, it becomes more and more clear that it's not that it's an unwillingness to take on her name? Or hyphenate it against Ashta?
It's more just... will Judau really accept that?
And her fear perhaps, that he might not.
"God! Yeah um - official but the rest - I'll see what he thinks, once we have that talk."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
<poem>
"A terrible price to pay," Sayla says, with all the gravity of an early spacecraft. "But I suppose it's only fair, I've had a full set of 'Leina Ashta, Adorable Child' for years now."
The talk of Side 3 papparazzi gets a frown. "Yeah... and the second someone finds out we're there, they'll be on the scent." Sayla sighs. "Maybe we should ask some of our friends to sneak us in under the radar? I could make some calls..." There's a joking tone, but a part of her might be seriously considering.
"Leina, back then you had plenty on your mind, and I was hiding it from you. That's not your fault." Sayla pauses. "Are you sure you don't want to talk to him together?" Just as Leina doesn't want to put it between Sayla and Judau to work it out, Sayla doesn't want Leina to shoulder it all herself, either. "...That's fair."
Still, that feeling of insecurity is easy to feel. Sayla doesn't push, as much as she may want to. Leina has to be able to make her choice on her own.
But she can't hide the way her spirit is buoyed when Leina says she knows what she wants. But the rest...
As Leina turns away from her, Sayla steps up behind Leina and places her hands on Leina's shoulders again. "I understand." Sayla says, her tone calm and gentle. "This isn't just about what I want, and whatever decision you come, I'll support it. This is a lot, and I know it's a lot. I won't be hurt or offended." If Leina looks back to her, she'll see a smile on Sayla's face. "Whatever you choose, you'll still be Judau's sister and my daughter. Family's a lot more than a name. Just... take your time, and find the decision you want to make, okay?"