2024-01-04: A Woman's Shelter! Yuliana's Seeking Help!?
- Log: A Woman's Shelter! Yuliana's Seeking Help!?
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Leina Ashta, Sayaka Yumi
- Where: The Photon Power Lab
- Date: 2024-01-04
- Summary: After weeks of preparation, Leina calls Yuliana to the Photon Power Labs to begin the difficult task of somehow /helping/ her. Sayaka welcomes her, but Yuliana can't help but be on-edge, walking into her enemy's den and asking for help. Still, she shares a remarkable amount of insight with the two of them -- until her suspicions grow too snappish, and she retreats to get a grip on herself. Even when she's doing her best, she can't stop herself from biting the hand which feeds.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8heQ0t48SL8 Icon for Hire - Off With Her Head
The Ashtas, close to Christmas, achieved something remarkable: they actually got Yuliana Kafim to admit that her situation might not be completely perfect and maybe she needs a little help with the God in her head who keeps doing body horror to her body.
One may not be surprised to learn that, by the time the Kafims had transformed the North Pole into something green and markedly more evil, the process of getting her help was more complicated than next-day delivery.
Give Yuliana some credit -- she has kept her head down, over the past while, just as Leina's suggested to her. (She did visit her parents, but there was a death in the family, and they had to arrange for them to move to the Silent Castle under the rising pressure the REA was putting on the Dians. It's fine; it was all very hush-hush.) And in the last half of January, she finally gets instructions to come to the Photon Power League, with assurances that the PPL has agreed not to hand her over to the authorities as soon as she shows up.
(Leina, for the purposes of this agreement, gets a pass.)
She takes the Shandor's stealth shuttle for the trip; it's her best balance between lending her own assurance that she's not coming to immediately attack the place with the practical considerations around how many people would love to pluck her up out of the air and take her to a tribunal. (There are outstanding warrants to bring her in front of several. Not all of them are in the REA!) And once it parks in the hangars, and she disembarks --
Yuliana is dressed in a bomber jacket over a green shirt all striped to a corner, with dark slacks and a cheerful, yellow-and-blue striped scarf about her neck; she clutches papers in her hand, and she thinks she is being subtle, holding them in front of her like a barrier. Unfortunately, the fact that she's nervous is all too plain to see; her envy-green eyes dart about the room, and even without pupils, it's quite clear she's identifying both people and exits.
Supposedly, Leina's going to meet her here...
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
It may be something of a surprise when Leina contacted Director Yumi about Yuliana seeking help, and how unfortunately, she's not in a place of leaving her wife.
And that she wants to keep Cathedra out of it. Purely because Cathedra would have stipulations of her turning on her wife.
It's not like Leina's not conflicted, still. Certainly she is, but - Yuliana is willing to seek help. The situation was dire enough to grant them a chance. And she's going to take that chance.
Leina is waiting at the hangar when Yuliana arrives, wearing a Photon Power Labs jacket that's assuredly Merch that Shiro gave her while they were dating, over a pair of jeans, gloves and a checkered pink scarf.
Indeed, Leina doesn't need Newtype senses to detect her anxiety, walking out of there.
(They wouldn't work anyway.)
"Hey you."
As she just strolls up to her, right inside of that aura and wraps her in a hug - in an act that would have all of her security calling some kind of suitably dire sounding CODE emergency.
"It's really brave of you, taking the first step of coming here. Always the hardest."
Certainly she doesn't MEAN to impugn Yuliana's wife by using the language of someone showing up at a woman's shelter, right?
Absolutely not.
(Kinda? Yes.)
As she releases her, she indicates, "Cathedra isn't here, just for your information." Before gesturing, "But - Sayaka... Director Yumi is, we're going to smuggle you somewhere that you can start taking the next steps."
It's a start. She hopes it's a start. For the love of God (Not theirs) let it be a start.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Sayaka and Yuliana's meeting at the heart of Goragon's offered possibility didn't end on the best of terms - with an acknowledgement that things simply went too far to be anything along the lines of friends, as in the possibility.
However, Sayaka is all too aware that people have the capacity to change. Given the circumstances, she cannot deny that of Yuliana. So, even if they cannot be friends, can she still help her somehow? She had concluded that it could only be possible if Yuliana was willing to accept it.
So it's because of those ruminations that when Leina suddenly reaches out to her - with information that Yuliana is the one seeking out help, Sayaka agrees on it. Even before the meeting is arranged, Sayaka gives her absolute word the authorities will not be contacted - the Photon Power Labs work outside the structure of the Federation, which works to its advantages in situations like this.
Though they're in the Labs, Sayaka does not arrive in her labcoat, dressed more casually - a light, red jacket overtop a plain blouse and long pants owning to it still being late January.
Arriving at the hangars, Sayaka spots Yuliana first, though she holds those papers out like a shield, and then gives Leina a reassuring nod. "Yuliana... thank you for coming. Really, it's good to speak to you outside of a dreamscape or a battlefield." She says, approaching the two. "You have my word that the only two people aware this conversation is even happening are myself and Leina." She adds, when Leina points out lack of Cathedra personnel. "Because... I'm here for you as an individual. If you want my help, then you have it." She speaks slowly, but not quite formally either - she really wants to make this clear they aren't just luring her straight into a trap.
Sayaka is an engineer and energy specialist, not a therapist. But she still tries to figure out the right angle to take this as a layperson. "I think the first thing I should ask is... what does the next step look like to you?" She hopes it's a start, too.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Ah, Leya--" Yuliana is cut off in her greeting as Leina keeps walking, stunned into silence as she closes into the toxicity of her space to give her a big hug. She's stiff for a moment, before she makes a small, choked-up noise and embraces Leina in turn.
Luckily, she doesn't know the language of woman's shelters; but even she might not be able to deny the similarities, if she knew. The similarities between a woman coming to a shelter... and Yuliana trying to escape the Empress.
That's how she's thinking of it. And that's why she murmurs, into Leina's ear, "... it's frightening." And it's difficult to admit it's frightening, but she's doing her best, even if her best doesn't extend as far as using I-statements.
Yuliana does step back out of Leina's personal space when she releases her, though -- perhaps she's being thoughtful about how her aura affects a strong Newtype like her. (It's a deliberate gesture.) "All right," she nods, when Leina says that Cathedra isn't present, before she directs her attention to the Director.
"It's good to see you," she knows all the niceities, even if she's too tense to really commit to them right now. Her free hand comes up to cover the one grasping those papers, though, when Sayaka says she's here for her; it might seem strange that the expression which shifts under that pleasantness is distinctly deer-in-headlights.
Or like she's ready to bolt.
"I... I'm asking for, your help," she admits, uncomfortably, gaze flicking away. "My relationship with the Empress is -- too close. She doesn't realise... She's hurting me. Or it doesn't matter to Her... I don't know." Yuliana swallows, tension shifting in her shoulders. "My Elisa can't fix it on her own... and I suppose if the Empress keeps doing this to me, I'll... die. So, we want... your help. So I'm going to someone else for, help. With... with the Empress. And me."
It would be polite not to point out the way her grip trembles, as she thrusts out that stack of papers towards them, brusquely. "Listen, I -- you can see I'm not good at this!" Yuliana snaps, scowling, before she calms her voice down and looks away again. "... I was a state secret, so the Republic made it very clear I wasn't to do this sort of thing... it's hard to shake off, I don't know. Elisa's better at -- she wrote everything down, so -- just take it!"
When someone relieves her of the armed bomb she's carrying, Yuliana adds, shoulders sinking, "... she said that's what your people would need if you were going to... do something to me."
It's a document covering all of Yuliana's medications and conditions, with an additional four pages of chemical documentation on something called Thermaspray, a new spray-based medicine focused on raising one's internal temperature. Some of the conditions listed -- such as her cluster B personality -- have been noted to be part of her stated medical history from the REA, with all the implications of the REA's biases inherent to it. (An additional note from her present primary physician, who is incidentally her wife, states that these assumptions are ableist and Yuliana ought to be treated as an individual with her own needs.)
The full details of Yuliana's health issues are really quite staggering. According to the document she's brought with her, she currently deals with seizures, migraines and headaches, and fainting spells; somatic complaints; neurological pain; frequent insomnia, heightened anxiety and threat assessment, and post-traumatic stress; deliberate self-injury and suicidal behaviours; significant sensitivity to negative events or perceptions; and depressive states which can leave her catatonic. In addition, Yuliana is currently suffering from a unique condition, courtesy of the Empress, which continually lowers her internal temperature -- which is why Elisa invented a medication to counteract those effects.
The document additionally holds a management plan with advice on how to treat Yuliana in a medical setting. It goes into Yuliana's medical phobia and touches on the likelihood that she will express her anxieties through violence, advising treating staff to clearly explain what they're doing, remind her to breathe slowly and deeply, employ distraction techniques, and allow her to remove herself from the clinical environment if she gets too agitated. Notably, one of her medications is specifically for use when needed to calm her down before a procedure is performed. It also discusses her preference for being asleep for complicated or frightening procedures, with two full pages later in the document dedicated to considerations for anaesthesia. Under no circumstance, the management plan warns, is Yuliana to be restrained for treatment; it also advises clinicians to avoid shining bright lights into her face or administering unnecessary injections. (Alternate methods of medication delivery are much preferred.) And with regards to therapy, the referral warns that meditation tends to lead Yuliana to a greater awareness of the Empress, which can lead to additional distress or instability.
It's all very comprehensive, and maybe it's lucky that it's all written out there, because Yuliana clearly isn't in much of a state to communicate all this herself.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"It is."
And if that's an admission that she's frightened too? So be it. It is still uncomfortable in this space, even if it's less so than before. A result of numerous exposures.
She's more and more used to it. Still, it's a relief when Yuliana steps just out of range.
There's a smile towards Sayaka, as she begins to speak, and nods to her, "I asked her to be a part of this, because the people of the Photon Power Labs are well - in many ways they're like family to me."
She had of course told Yuliana this before, but the emphasis on them being like family perhaps, reinforces the trust that was already there between them.
"I'm... not a scientist, or a psychologist, or a Doctor - so there are limits on what I can do myself."
But still, she's here isn't she?
As Yuliana articulates the problem of her relationship with the Empress, her eyes soften, and there's a nod, "It's okay, if you're not good at talking about this. The fact you've come for help is enough. So long as you stay open to receiving help, that's enough."
For now, she doesn't comment on the Empress because, she doesn't want to PROMISE anything she can't deliver, and she has no idea what can be done.
For now, she lets Yuliana hand the medical record over to Sayaka, simply asking, "Do you mind if I take a look too?" She asks Yuliana, without judgment if she says no.
She certainly however, has briefed Sayaka on what she knows of... Yuliana, her medical records they retrieved from the Institute Raid, and what she can put together of her psychological profile, treatment phobias, triggers and the like from their conversations.
"I am kinda curious, and you don't need to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, but has Elisa ever spoken of the connection between Cypripedioidea and the Empress?"
It's asked with a sort of seriousness, because Leina adds shortly after, "Because I wonder if it might be the key to helping you."
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
"It must be," Sayaka answers, slightly different to Leina... because she's not sure she'll ever fully understand how Yuliana feels in her circumstances. But she must try, all the same. And Leina communicates that family-like trust they share. "I'll.. do my best to live up to that trust." Sayaka nods, levelling her gaze slowly towards Yuliana.
And Yuliana starts, highlighting her relationship with the Empress, a problem that even Elisa is not capable of solving. "I see. During Goragon, you told me about how the Empress and Elisa... disagreed on what was best for you, correct?" She asks, mostly to put a mental picture of the friction in the relationship in her head. "And ever since you tried to open the gate in the North Pole, the Empress has been escalating in her treatment of you." She frowns.
Leina says there's limits to what she can do, and Sayaka nods. It's not like this is a problem that can be cleanly solved by climbing into a Mazinger and punching the Empress in the face. "Right... there is definitely no simple solution to this. But Leina's right. It'll be a lot easier to help you if you're open to it. So whatever we can do... we'll figure it out."
She accepts the document, and if Yuliana agrees to it, she'll put it into view of Leina too as she reads it. It's a lot, it's a whole lot, on both the physical and mental health levels. Sayaka's expression remains fully neutral as she flips through the pages... she's not like to judge people for their conditions. "Thanks for sharing. I know there's a lot of stigma surrounding this. I'm sure it was also the case in your former home nation. But you're not beyond help, Yuliana." She can say that much - she doesn't believe anyone is beyond it.
Leina, though, asks the most curious question. "Cypripedioidea? I... don't think I've heard of that name before. But if there's a connection with the Empress..." Sayaka turns closer to Leina and quiets her voice, but it's not as if Yuliana cannot hear her, either. If there's a connection with the Empress, perhaps Elisa would know something.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Then they can all be frightened! Great! Maybe they should all just go home and --
No, it wouldn't be that easy.
"If you trust them... I suppose it's all right," Yuliana says, on the subject of Leina and the Photon Power Labs; she's evidently still uncomfortable, given the way Photon Power previously positioned itself as the Kafim's foe, but she clearly trusts Leina at least a little more than that. And then Sayaka talks about living up to her trust, and Yuliana grits out, "T--thank you." Why she'd flinch, saying something like that, is a mystery for the ages.
Which might explain why she had to be here, despite being the closest thing to a cop in the room. Yuliana doesn't trust easily, and perhaps that's why she shakes her head, when Leina insists she's not a doctor. "I -- I'm glad you're here," she says, still hitching over the vulnerability of it all.
Coming for help is enough...
"... yeah," Yuliana says, slowly, looking to Sayaka again. "My Elisa wants to keep me safe -- but the Empress is, hasty. She is willing to -- roll the dice, I suppose, on claiming my spirit if my flesh fails here. But I don't want to die... and my Elisa won't accept me dying to achieve our goals, either. She wants to go together, or -- or not at all."
"... okay," Yuliana says, when Leina asks if she can see the documents. "It's -- my Elisa asked for my assistance with, what would make it all more comfortable and all, and she told me what she was telling you, so I know basically what's in there... but I didn't want to read it. You understand." Even respectful medical jargon still sets her teeth on edge.
Now her hands are free, Yuliana is free to grasp them around herself, clutching her elbows in something which could be called folding her arms if one wanted to be quite generous. "The Republic said I was unstable... they justified a lot of things on that basis," she shares, all raw nerves. "... it's... nice you'd say that," a delayed addition, as Yuliana makes time for biting her bottom lip, that fang on the right side of her face bearing down into her flesh. "I... find it difficult to believe. Sometimes. That I'm not beyond... you know. But I'm -- trying, all right?" She's trying to be open, even as she visibly closes herself off.
Leina asks about Cypripediodea, and Yuliana frowns. "The last time we spoke about it was when... Elisa realised who she was," Yuliana says, after a moment's pause for thought. "When we were getting our tattoos, for our anniversary. I wondered if Cypripedioidea even came from Earth... Elisa agreed that she didn't. That's when she realised that the Empress did come from Earth. And -- that She had sent Elisa back here, to be with me. It's all because you realised She had the preferences of an Earthly woman, Leina... when I remembered you'd wondered those things, everything snapped into place."
She takes a deep breath, and tries to ignore the way it shudders, in her chest. "Let -- let me explain, Sayaka." Not Dr. Yumi. She's not a medical doctor, so she doesn't get placed at that forcible remove. "Hundreds of years ago, a strange woman called Cypripedioidea came to Earth, and formed some kind of relationship with my ancestor, Siti Dian. Through her and her cousins -- really, I don't know who they are -- Siti had the power to unify her people, and stop a conflict tearing her home apart. I don't know what happened, but the REA somehow had access to her cells, the Orchid Cells... and that's how I came to have these powers, because they, made sure I'd volunteer for the program." It's difficult for her to admit, after so many years of insisting she'd chosen what happened to her. "I suppose the Republic thought I'd have the power of unity, too, because Dr. Devi told me on more than one occasion I wasn't what they wanted to make... um, I suppose what happened is that, I, they did awaken me as a Cyber-Newtype, but I connected to the Void instead of whatever it is connects Newtypes together." And this, too, is a difficult thing to admit -- and Leina, in particular, might understand just why her fingers dig into her elbows as she voices it. "And, um... in bridging the gap between two realms, I... I injure reality by existing, I suppose. That's why, the -- the that," she gestures, vaguely, towards the space between herself and Leina, as if it's plainly obvious she's talking about her strange aura. It takes her a moment to realise it isn't obvious to Sayaka, and she explains: "... I hurt people like Leina by existing. I guess I don't feel the need to do that all the time any more, but I can't turn it off." She pauses, briefly. "Well -- I can, a little, now I have a wider aura. I can swallow it down so they're fine if they're not right beside me... it's just not terribly comfortable." There's a reason she keeps her frill out, when she's home.
"But just being able to see that place must not have been enough to match what Cypripedioidea did... I don't know. What we do know is, it's by Cypripedioidea's invitation that we claim the Void, now, and -- and I think her people must have utilised it, before we did. Because... that place is also a gravesite, you see. Now, the Empress lives there. I don't know if they ever met... maybe She just claimed an uninhabited realm for Herself, when She left Earth to go to the Void. Really," Yuliana shakes her head, "I'd tell you, if I knew. I'm cooperating. I am."
And she is, remarkably. She might even have some insights there which Leina hasn't already figured out, all volunteered freely, if not without tension.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Indeed the fact that Sayaka would try even now, is the reason why Leina believes she's worthy of that trust.
She nods at Sayaka's question to Yuliana, hesitantly, because indeed the Empress disagrees, and waits for Yuliana to finish, so she adds... some for Sayaka's sake, now that they're out of reach of individuals who could be monitoring them, "Basically my working theory is that the Empress was from Earth... originally, but after so long steeped in the powers of the Void and isolated off - she no longer is human, and doesn't understand humanity."
There's this, hesitant look Sayaka's way, "Elisa is, in a sense, her attempt to understand humanity again... but by breaking her off, she's... a separate entity. They have value disagreements simply because the Empress is no longer human... and Elisa is... far closer. And they aren't like constantly in communication either."
Yuliana grants her permission, and she reads over Sayaka's shoulder. "Thank you. I'll... not read aloud, then, for your sake." The medical jargon well- it doesn't bother her so much, she understands more of it, thanks to her Mother being a Pediatrician and working fairly close to her in the Yumi Foundation.
"The Republic would say that - after all, they were engaged in a campaign of..." Leina isn't a trained psychologist, so her mind sorta flounders for a moment on the word, and instead settles on, "... negging, in a sense, so that you'd be kept in the dark on their true aims. Awful of them."
Leina's seagreen eyes fall upon her, as she says, with conviction, "You're definitely not beyond help." Before she listens to her explanation, most of it certainly falls into what she knows- "Matching tattoos?" Leina seems surprised, but then notes, "Nice."
It's probably not as romantic as it sounds, but she'll give them credit she supposes in CONCEPT.
And after she finishes, she tells her decisively, "You don't hurt me by existing. It's definitely very uncomfortable, but we shouldn't like, say that someone shouldn't exist because something about them is uncomfortable. That only leads awful places, it's the kind of fear mongering politicians seize upon."
But she does answer Sayaka, on the tail end of letting Yuliana explain, "Unfortunately, the Institute didn't have any files on this... past history. They were playing rather coy with any references to it, so we're not certain everything that the REA might have known on the subject of Cypripedioidea and Siti Dian."
A beat.
"Really, the only reason we know this at all is because of um- well, this sorta weird Newtype vision quest we took through time- it's complicated? Just - we didn't see how it ended, only how it began."
There's a sort of sheepish shrug, "And we can't exactly - try that again, in this political climate. I'm not even sure we could replicate it, to be perfectly honest."
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
It's true that the Photon Power Labs have positioned themselves as an enemy of the Kafims following their crimes against reality. Even at the worst, Sayaka most directly opposed Elisa... but perhaps that's not any better in Yuliana's eyes. Nonetheless, she's here for Yuliana's sake... even if it means making the most of the trust Leina afforded her.
Both Yuliana and Leina's clarification about the nature of Elisa's opposition with the Empress helps. Sayaka nods slowly. If Leina is right and even the Empress is from Earth, Sayaka has to wonder even more what the Void possibly could be. But those are not questions for today. "It's a reasonable line to draw, even if your life wasn't in danger." Sayaka agrees, frowning.
Sayaka shakes her head when Yuliana mentions that the REA justified their treatment of her based on 'unstability'. "Yes... it was no excuse, for them. It's probably hard... to stop thinking in their terms. What I'm sure I can do is make sure you don't fall into that treatment again." And she can at least give Elisa credit for that.
Unlike Leina, Sayaka doesn't say something or another about the matching tattoos. She's seen Yuliana's, within Goragon, if that was even accurate. But she'd rather not consider the mental imagery of Elisa's.
As for Cypripediodea... she lets Yuliana explain the whole story. She had spent the whole year studying the Void and its influence on the world. But never could she be certain why it was Yuliana and only her who constantly exerted that force upon reality. "So Cypripedioidea is the missing link between you, and the Void..." Sayaka considers, cupping a hand on the chin. Beyond the Void... is a gravesite? What does that mean for the future the Kafims almost pulled into reality? It does mean Sayaka believes Yuliana when she says she fears for her life.
She can't comment on Yuliana's wording of harming people like Leina by merely existing as well, she's not a Newtype. She can't feel the effects. But she nods on what Leina says about the implications. "It wouldn't be your fault, in any case. Power comes with a certain responsibility, whether you choose to hold it or not. But just as with Newtypes... it depends on malice, doesn't it?" She doesn't quite go into the God or Devil spiel, but the idea is there.
"Nonetheless... I think I understand what Cypropedioidea has to do with your powers, and with opening the gate. Thank you for your explanation." Sayaka nods. She believes Yuliana, when she says she's cooperating. Unfortunately, as Leina says, the Republic won't in a million years.
"Newtype... vision quest, huh?" She glances at Leina. It's not quite surprising, that amplified Newtype power can manipulate time itself. Normally, Sayaka would discount this as super unscientific, but it's more than she could pull out about the Void and the history of Yuliana's ancestors using usual methods, so she's perfectly willing to accept it. "Even if we can't replicate it... I can only hope we won't need such power to help Yuliana."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"That's right," Yuliana confirms, when Leina talks about Elisa and the Empress. "My Elisa can commune with the Empress, using the Voidframe scrying-ball she, made for me," with a breath of a pause, as Yuliana elects not to say just what it does, "but it's very hard on her. The communion can take her consciousness from this world for weeks... it's why she didn't act to save me as soon as G-Hound arrested me, when I left to stop Asciel's Macross-class from what it was doing to Pendragon. That's why I endured the dreams for so long... it was much easier for the Empress to speak with me, and it's how we received Her wisdom." Yuliana frowns, shoulders curling forward against her chest. "But now, She's full of rage... She demands we begin the work anew, heedless of the strain on me."
She is glad that Leina does not read aloud.
Yuliana smiles, when Leina compliments their tattoos. "Perhaps you happened to see it, when I rang you -- I sometimes forget to present myself properly over the phone. But they're really quite lovely." Leina might remember Elisa's name, tattooed into Yuliana's neck -- evidently, it's one half of a matching set. Does that make it better? (Or worse?) "The Republic would never have approved of such a thing for me... they're terrible villains, you know." Says the terrible villain! But the REA made her who she is, so maybe they are even worse. Who can say? "It is hard," she adds, to Sayaka. "It is. My Elisa and I have done quite a lot of work on -- undoing what they did, but -- it's one thing to remove their, key phrases from my psyche," the command phrases they used to direct her brainwashing, that is, and it's easy to say she's being delicate about it because Leina is right there, "but it's another thing entirely to change my whole culture, and upbringing, and... oh, you know." Yuliana shakes her head, clearly frustrated, because brainwashing doesn't have to be direct and pointed. Sometimes, it's just a background thing across a nation. "... but we've been trying," she adds, with a pout. "After Goragon, I realised that making Elisa responsible for everything was just another artifact of the Republic... we're trying to distribute our decisions a little more evenly, now." Even if Yuliana doesn't always succeed in taking the reins. She's making an effort. It's fine.
"Oh," Yuliana frowns, rubbing at her arm, the leather of her bomber jacket shifting under her grip. "That's not what you want me to say? Tch... I really don't know what you want." She was trying to be fair! ... and it says something that in trying to be fairer to Newtypes, she just shifts the onus of harm onto herself, instead. "The very nature of my existence is malicious," she adds, a shade petulant, in the shadow of Sayaka's God-and-Devil level restraint.
It's much easier to call a power neutral when it sees into people's hearts than when it opens the way to a realm of horror, to hear Yuliana put it, all-or-nothing. If she's not demonising Newtypes, she must be demonising herself.
Yuliana pauses, looking cautiously between Sayaka and Leina. "There is... one option," she starts, hesitantly. (Which is saying something, considering her general manner here. Somehow she gets even more hesitant.) "The Empress -- knew about Elisa. She never told us, but She knew, and She told us, when I asked Her. And the Empress knows about Cypripedioidea. I could... ask Her? I don't know that She would grant me such a boon, with how wilful I'm being, but -- but I could ask. She might know... who Cypripedioidea is, and why she matters." She pauses, looking away again. (The real wonder is that she ever actually manages to meet their eyes.) "Obviously, I'm hesitant to put any more strain on our relationship, but... if it's important..."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
There are definitely questions of what the Void is, in Leina's mind as well, but she can't even begin to fathom how to articulate those experiences, save by being around Yuliana, or her connections to the Empress...
... and Leina definitely hears the idea that they CAN communicate via the invention, "Their difference in priorities is... a problem, after all, if the Empress can't even agree with a part of herself, directly communing with her on Yuliana's safety..."
It's not all that different from what she said before, it's just seizing upon this new information to imply...
'Then Yuliana is either going to die trying to meet these demands, or suffer all the worse refusing to meet them.'
"Hm? I didn't, first I'd heard really of the matching tattoos. Given you know-"
A small gesture with her hand, as if to indicate 'all that' being 'The North Pole.'
And... there's a look of sympathy. "Yeah I understand how difficult it is first hand. We still haven't managed to even dig... all of mine out. Just, sorta remove the list of people who can use them."
Leina sorta has an affectionate eye roll at that, "It's not about what I want you to say, I just don't consider your existence harmful. I mean think about it, if any of us really thought your existence was harmful, then would we be helping you?"
A sheepish look is given towards Sayaka, "Yeah, it's definitely not something we can actually control either. It was from the resonance of... the Neo-Zeong and the Unicorn. And we didn't have any real control over the stops on the journey." A shrug of her shoulders, "We kinda like - fought Full Frontal at the heat death of the Universe, at the end of it? It was, weird, even for Newtype stuff."
Yuliana's suggestion is met with hesitation and eventually... "Honestly I don't think I want to put you in her line of fire right now. We're trying to help you with your connection to her, and we're not gonna manage that by going to the... source, of that harm, every time there's a hiccup."
Leina does pause, putting a hand to her chin, "Maybe a better course is to have Cathedra apply some pressure on the REA, after the incident with the North Pole, there's more leverage towards getting what they were holding back..."
There's a shake of her head, "Either way, the first step seems to be understanding the connection between you and the Empress. What the Orchid Cells did to bridge the gap."
A smile towards Sayaka, "And honestly that's where Director Yumi comes in, I feel."
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
The fact that Elisa has access to technology to communicate with the Empress, too, is news for Sayaka. But it comes at a cost, of course. She focuses more on how Yuliana describes the Empress's shift in demeanour. "That she is angry... it almost sounds like a human trait in itself, but I'm not sure what the implications of that even mean." Sayaka frowns.
When Yuliana talks about the Republic's conditioning, and Leina responds with understanding considering her own, all Sayaka can do is solemnly nod. It's not her area of understanding... but she can hope progress is being made. "I'm really glad you're both trying," Sayaka offers, because the distribution of household tasks and decision-making isn't really her business. How will that be with Koji, even? He's way more interested in stuff like cooking than she is. Wait.
She's quick to scrap that line of thought in favour of focusing on what Yuliana and Leina are saying. "Look, Yuliana. There's a difference between your existence and the Void's... and me upholding that isn't exactly going to help you or anything." She says, a little more firmly than she means. But in essence, she's agreeing with Leina. After all, if stopping the overflow of the Void into reality also prevents Yuliana's death...
Leina's aside about what they did to fight Full Frontal actually gets a look of surprise from Sayaka, though. She wasn't there to fight him. "Geez... travelling through time until the end of the universe is one way to try and prove a point, I guess. It's really strange that the resonance would show you pieces of the pasts of Yuliana's ancestors, though." Still... it's information that they have thanks to it. No complaining there.
Yuliana's suggestion, though... there's similar hesitation from Sayaka. "I think you would know better than us how... safe it would be to do that." Sayaka considers. "I'm not going to ask you to put yourself in that much danger just for some information because the point of having that information is to keep you out of that danger." She concludes... and that's when Leina has some ideas of her own.
"Pressuring the REA is smart." Sayaka agrees. "There's a lot they absolutely must be hiding, even if the likes of Dr. Devi and the Institute are gone." That, and a greater understanding of the Orchid Cells. Leina looks to her for that one. "I think I see what you're getting at," Sayaka nods, carefully. "I imagine there's no way to study the Orchid Cells directly, certainly not in an ethical manner. But we do have all the information about the pieces of the puzzle, right? All it would take is to try to piece them together, understand how it fits together." She looks towards Yuliana. "But only as much as you're comfortable with. Because we're here to help you through understanding... not to advance a project from the Titans themselves."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"That's why we're worried," Yuliana says, as Leina trails off with all those implications about the Empress's quarrelsome nature. "She is growing more anxious by the day... and I suppose my Elisa inherited all of Her caution. I'm..." She pauses, with another inwards cringe, now in full view of both of them: "... afraid."
Yuliana closes her eyes, arms tightening around herself. (Her bomber jacket is looking quite tight around her belly, too. Of course, what's hidden there...) "... I'm... afraid, of Her," she specifies, grimacing. "I know I'm being unfair, She does try to soothe me... She isn't cruel about it, really. Even now She's so angry... She's angry She is losing Her grip on me. But -- but it always ends up in -- I feel I must push myself, and I fall apart, and it's so hard for my Elisa to put me together again..." Well, maybe the women's shelter analogy really isn't entirely out of place. She takes a breath, looking to Sayaka. "It is a human trait," she says. "The Empress holds many things in Her heart. She is jealous, and vindicative, and demanding, and anxious -- but so too is She loving, and protective, and curious, and attentive. I... know Her, Sayaka. Just as Leina knows what's going on with you, I suppose... nngh." Yuliana shudders. It's still wretched, saying it out loud.
"Oh," Yuliana says, when Leina insists she hasn't seen them -- and she smiles. "Of course. You're a good girl, so you wouldn't just look at another woman's neck for no reason. But I suppose it doesn't hurt to tell you -- we got each other's names tattooed on ourselves for our first anniversary!" And God bless her, Yuliana actually brightens up when she shares it, honestly excited about the news. "You'll understand if I don't show you, of course. We're all women, and I wouldn't want my wife to get jealous of Sayaka!" She smiles, to Sayaka, as she adds: "It's good, isn't it? When I mustered the courage to tell my Elisa what was wrong, things did get better."
Yuliana does look bothered, though, when Leina says they're still struggling with her trigger phrases. "I hope they'll make more progress on that soon," she says, frowning. "It mustn't be pleasant." Yuliana would hate knowing those words were still in her brain, so Leina must hate it, too.
"... I don't know," she sighs, with frustration, when Leina insists she doesn't consider her harmful, and Sayaka tries to convince her there's a difference between herself and the Void. (Is there?) "I don't even know why you're helping me. I mean -- I suppose -- you, Leina, I get that, I mean I don't get it but it would be strange if you betrayed me now -- but just a month or two ago, I was fighting Sayaka tooth and claw, and I'm not so stupid as to think anyone would accept me even if I snuck in to kill Dr. Hell again! As soon as you figure me out--!!"
But she cuts herself off, and shakes her head, lowering her tone and averting her gaze. "E--excuse me. I thought at once the answer to Leina's question must have been that you wouldn't, and hearing that kind of tone," Sayaka's characteristic firmness, that is, "I attacked without thinking. I -- I get suspicious easily... but you've done me no wrong here. You... don't be angry," and believe it or not, that is an improvement on how she was first going to phrase it.
She is glad she isn't someone who can experience the Newtype's idea of the heat death of the universe, at least.
Even if she thinks of the cold of the Void.
Yuliana rubs at her arms, still clutched tightly around her. (So long as she's holding her arms, she can't lash out with them and scare these people. Her logic is foolproof.) "That's... kind of you," Yuliana says, giving Leina a wan smile. And then, looking to Sayaka -- "I, go there, whenever I sleep, these days. It wasn't always like that. So it's not as if I won't see Her, anyway... but Leina's right, I suppose. I shouldn't make Her angry..."
She frowns, hugging herself to herself. "... I guess... we did retrieve my parents from the REA, at the beginning of the month. It was getting too dangerous for them, with the visits from the State, and since Lyubov died they've been taking care of the children... they were in a dangerous position, just because I'm their daughter." Yuliana doesn't like feeling guilty, but here she is. "Since they're safe, I don't think anyone should quietly disappear if you pressure the REA... I haven't spoken to most of my extended family for a while." Yuliana pauses, and her frown deepens. "Unless... they don't care about that. We didn't always care about that..." The Nega Force, that is, committing various black operations for the sake of their country.
They weren't the only black ops team in residence.
"But -- but I can't very well ask every distant relation to return to the Castle," Yuliana insists, shaking her head. "My father's relatives would be miserable, in any case! It's too cold for them, you know." She is half-Arctic and half-tropical. "Maybe... maybe it would be fine, anyway... but what kind of person would I be if I brought ruin to my entire family?!" It doesn't occur to Yuliana that she already has, given her present occupation.
She frowns, fingers drumming on the side of her elbow. "But -- but you need to know about them, I suppose. The Orchid Cells. They're in my brain -- and my spine, I guess, Elisa said those two things are connected -- but I need both of those things, you understand. Mm..." Her foot taps, the vibrational energy in her body too wound-up to just be expressed in her wound-up arms any more. "But the Republic had a way to examine them. They'd... shove this big needle into my spine, and pull some of it out... I don't know exactly how it worked." She takes a breath, and adds: "It really hurt."
Which explains why she's so uncomfortable, trying to work her way around to saying: "I guess... you could do that. If you really needed to look at them. Elisa stopped Dr. Devi before the maturing cells could take over my brain and, um... cook me," which might be a strange way to put it, when the Void is so cold, "but as I understand it, the Orchid Cells inside me are still complete, now. You... could do it again. That's what the Republic wanted to do, making -- copies of me. They wanted to, um, keep my body alive and, harvest the Orchid Cells off of me to make, I don't know, an army of whatever I am? Just -- just so we're clear, I'll kill you if you do that," she adds, baring her teeth, before she sinks back down and says: "... but I don't think you would."
She's so uncomfortable, but she's trying her best.
"Anyway," Yuliana says, frowning, "if it's just a case of understanding what they are, you could do that, I guess... just don't tie me down. That's got to be in there, isn't it? My Elisa definitely wrote that one down." It is, in fact, a stipulation in her treatment management strategies.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Yuliana gets a concerned look as she expresses her fear with that cringing posture, "It's okay to say you're afraid here... it's okay, I promise." And... "We get it. Your situation is terrifying."
However, she does tell her, "Yuliana - you're not being unfair. Like - she still does hurt you - and her plan? It'd kill you. Even if she was the nicest, most validating person in existence - in the end, she's still asking you to die for her, and you don't want to die. You don't need to make excuses for that kind of behavior."
As she points out, "You've had people asking you to die for them all your life. It's okay to want to live."
Yuliana does explain that the tattoo is her name, and Leina tries not to just 'Oh', because she's seen that. She was expecting some full two-headed void dragon down Yuliana's back or something, all Yakuza tattoo style.
"It's a pretty cute image, the two of you getting matching tattoos side by side."
And it is, if not for you know... all the emotional manipulation going on, and the mind control. Leina is pretty subtle in how she tries to catch Sayaka's eye in that moment. "S'okay! If you don't want to show me, you don't have to!"
Things got better did they? Leina furrows her brow, wondering if this is just another honeymoon period, or if Elisa has instead... changed some.
Leina offers a shrug, and a rueful look Sayaka's way, "Honestly I was uh, kind of a huge brat about it at first, I really didn't want to do it at all. I still kinda hate it, I just don't have any other good options on how... to do it."
It's kinda perhaps hard to imagine Leina in a state where she doesn't want to do the most responsible thing, but perhaps that was her line after so much trauma.
Whereas Yuliana expresses hope on trying to get it out, "We're trying, he's just uh- well he was one of the foremost experts in- his field. He's put, how shall I put it?" It's rough for her to talk about it obviously, "Like booby traps that... feedback me to some traumatic trigger, when someone tries to approach digging them out."
There's a soft chuckle, as she rubs the back of her head, "Yeah it was- his own messed up brand of nihilism. 'Oh no, ten billion years from now everything might be all for nothing.'"
There is a look Sayaka's way, "I suppose he felt the incident proved his point, that Siti Dian tried to unite people to stop war - and... it didn't happen."
But WHY didn't it happen, is the question? What did she try to do? Why did it not work?
She's glad at least Sayaka is backing her up on this on not utilizing the Empress, and on pressuring the REA, "Don't even need to tell them why. After all, we have plenty of reason to audit them after the North Pole on the idea they're not really cooperating with our agency."
There's this small grin, "Well I've tried explaining it several times, but- just knowing that I won't is enough."
Yet, Yuliana's logic on thinking sneaking in to kill Dr. Hell would-
"I mean let's just - talk about helping you first, we can figure out 'acceptance' later."
She decides to defer that discussion. Since, acceptance means Yuliana stopping her goal of trying to break reality.
Yet...
"Ah good, I'm glad they don't have that kind of leverage on you any longer." Still she tries to think of - no, it's fine, Elisa won't harm them, the problem is if Yuliana didn't want to go back again...
And then Yuliana speaks of the cells, and...
"A lumbar puncture." Leina tells her quietly, as she's had one before in the examinations after being Puru-1, "They're not, supposed to hurt."
Indeed, Leina blinks as she suddenly says she'd kill them if they made clones and- "Course we wouldn't, that's out of the question." Leina affirms, as if to validate Yuliana's own statement, "I know too many girls who- suffered in cloning programs. It's very personal to me."
For a time, she pauses, and looks towards Sayaka, this is a weighty kind of decision... in the quiet, and...
"Hey Sayaka. Like I'm not a scientist but it sounds like the reason they were cloning Yuliana rather than the cells, because the cells are so alien right?"
She rubs the back of her head, "So, I dunno like - the limitations of the Photon technology but, could you instead of cloning them just... replicate them?"
She means the PPL's weird 3-D printer, doesn't she?
She must.
<Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
Sayaka waits for Yuliana to finish speaking, as she trails off. Afraid... "Of course you would be," Sayaka says, understanding the difficult in admitting that. "Maybe there's a side of her that tries to comfort you, protect you... but in the end, what she's doing is hurting you more than anything. Because... I'm taking your word on it." And as Leina puts it... the Empress is literally asking Yuliana to die. "Remember what I told you during Goragon? No one can make that decision for you... not even God." And she does say it as "Kami-sama".
They really did get their names tattooed on each other and Yuliana sounds so excited that Sayaka really does hold back the opportunity for the biggest eye-roll she's ever done. "How very... romantic!" She says, and it is the spitting image of way-too-gushy romance to her, so she's not even lying. "I-I hardly think there's anything to get jealous about," Sayaka brushes her hair back, almost incredulous of the idea. "But it's something to share between yourselves. I get it." Yuliana continues with a question, though. She can't confirm or agree things 'got better', but... she does seem happier, with Elisa now. "I'm really glad you talked about it. And that she was receptive. I was worried, you know." Sayaka answers.
Her expression turns back to seriousness when the use of trigger words comes up again. "In this case... I don't blame you for it, Leina." Sayaka nods, when Leina talks about how difficult it was to go through with it. "Especially if he was awful enough to predict and sabotage the recovery process." She can't fathom he did that - why a monster like that got free reign for so long. But she only lets it linger until Leina switches the topic back to Full Frontal.
"Trips through time, trips through the full extent of possibility within parallel worlds... I'm getting a little tired of these guys doing all the most to prove their point." Sayaka crosses her arms. The Siti Dian connection, though... it makes sense. And it has Sayaka asking much of the same questions. "If she failed to do what she was meant to... I wonder if that has something to do with why the Empress is so angry." And then she shakes her head - just the barest of guesses.
And she can't ask questions for too long, because Yuliana starts to question her motives. "Look, Yuliana. Even though we were fighting, doesn't mean I want things to just.. end like that. It's different now, because I know you don't want to make enemies forever, either." She answers, slowly. "I want you to have that chance." She concludes, adding to Leina's idea that they need to help her situation before worrying about acceptance. The way Yuliana immediately shrinks down after her outburst isn't a surprise though. "No, it's... It's okay. I'm not actually, mad or anything. But I probably shouldn't have raised my voice."
Ultimately, though, they're all in agreement that they should pursue other methods instead of direct contact with the Empress. "Even if you have to see her... probably better not to provoke her until we know more. A last resort maybe.. but that'd be your call." And her family's safe from the REA's crosshairs, too. "Good." Sayaka says, of their safety. "I'd say children and civilians don't deserve to be involved in all this... but if they're in less danger at the Castle, then I get it."
The Orchid Cells, though... Sayaka notes the information, what the REA was trying to do with them. To clone her... "Absolutely not. That would be a completely unacceptable course of action." Sayaka agrees. But what can they do with them? Just a second later, she meets her gaze with Leina's. "Hmmm. I can't imagine they'd be able to do much with the cells by themselves." Sayaka agrees. "They're just that... cells."
To use Photon Power technology to not clone the cells, but replicate them. Sayaka knows exactly what Leina means. "Matter replication is of course not out of the question for Photon energy. I can't make any promises it'll work, especially with the unknown properties of the Orchid cells. But it's far less invasive... so I think it's worth a shot. We'll see what Doctors Sewashi and Nossori have to say about using the Printer." She affirms, carefully.
She glances back over to Yuliana. It's a ridiculous idea for sure... but might it be better than resorting to the worst of science crime?
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I'm not..." But Yuliana stops herself, and shakes her head. "... no, I suppose I am. Making excuses. It's just... hard, all right? She's always with me. That's, that's why I need, help... sometimes I don't even know where I end and She begins. I think... sometimes She's making my decisions," she adds, frowning, to Sayaka.
But Yuliana is cheered, to hear Leina call the image of her and her wife cute, and Sayaka calling it romantic. Her wife is the cutest, and they are the most romantic couple! "It's nice you were worried about us," she says, to Sayaka, which isn't exactly what Sayaka said, but she's being very charitable today.
Less cheerful: Leina's brainwashing. "I remember," she says, softly, which confirms at least that Yuliana does listen a little when Leina speaks. "He's a fucking monster." She even slips into Soldier Vernicular just to give that statement a little extra punch.
"Did she fail?" Yuliana wonders, on Siti Dian. "Maybe she stopped that war, only for another to reign, after she died."
"... they'll know," Yuliana frowns, when Leina suggests a spot of sleight-of-hand against the REA. "They've always known just what I'm doing. Even when I thought I was getting away with it."
She tries her best not to prickle any harder, when Leina talks about acceptance. She already said she knew she wouldn't be accepted, what does she want from her?! Sulky, she insists, to Sayaka: "I never said I wanted to be your enemy. It just happens... all the time." If this is Yuliana on her best behaviour, it's not difficult to imagine that she'd easily make enemies, especially if -- god forbid -- she was in a bad mood.
"Are you saying I shouldn't involve my family in my life? Am I that poisonous, now?!" Yuliana scowls, immediately taking Sayaka's relief about her family escaping the REA in the worst way. But, since she's on her best behaviour, she drops it, shaking her head. "... never mind."
But when Leina names the procedure, Yuliana shudders. "Mm. My Elisa told me, too. But it hurt when they did them. They didn't like to numb me out... they said it interfered with their results." Her lips twist, and she looks vaguely ill. "I think they just wanted me to realise how powerless I was... letting them poke me full of needles like that. Ugh... forget it," she snaps, squeezing her eyes shut. "What must you think of me, hearing something like that?! You're disgusted, aren't you?! Just admit it!"
As if she's just shared something unforgivable she did, and not the REA's crimes. (And, incidentally, as if her feelings are universal.)
What finally has her uncurling her arms is the simple matter of needing to bury her face in one. She's not about to cry; shut up. Her breath is shuddering for normal, unrelated reasons. "I didn't -- mean to yell," she tells her palm. "I didn't come here to fight. I didn't."
She frowns, though, when she hears Leina speak of replicating the cells. "Leina, they -- they didn't wish to clone the Cells. It must have been impossible, since the Republic ran out like they did... if they could have just cloned them, they wouldn't have needed a new source." She pauses, and takes a deep, steadying breath. "They wished to clone me. They tried to inject the Orchid Cells into unrelated hosts. Zhao, Sung, Nguyen, Begam, Vinogradov, Jeong... they're all dead, now." And she remembers their names. "I survived. So they wished to make more of me, so they would have more receptive hosts for the Orchid Cells. Perhaps other Dians would work as well... but why would they go to the trouble of finding one when they had me in hand?" Yuliana bites her lip. "I just... wonder why they didn't select my father," she says, slowly. "He was a high-ranking member of the military, before he retired... if they thought they could use him, I don't know why they wouldn't have compelled him to report for testing."
And that might explain another reason why she was so worried about her family, too. Her mother's side of the family may have been safe, but her father...
"I don't know if Photon Power could do what the Republic couldn't, but... you'll still need Orchid Cells to replicate. And they aren't in my skin or my blood, even now the cells have matured. My Elisa's checked that already." Hand still covering her face, it's difficult to see the way her eyes scrunch shut. "I'm offering to let you take some. Are you really going to make me regret it?! It's not easy to say something like that, you know! Even when my Elisa needed samples, I put it off and put it off, and I couldn't even do it until she put me to sleep so I didn't have to know about it!"
Her breath hitches in a sob, Yuliana clutching her face to try and hide it all. Her shoulders heave and shudder, and there's an embarrassingly long pause before she swallows, and says, "... oh."
Another breath.
"If... if my Elisa got those samples from me... I'm sure she could send some to you. Then you could, print them or, whatever it is you do... I guess." Sniff. "... um..."
Another breath.
"... I'm getting upset, aren't I?" Yuliana asks, and sounds miserable, asking it. "Maybe I'd better, um, if I can rest somewhere, or, I don't know... my brain's all tangled up. Just for a while... all right?" And it's something, at least, that she can ask to extricate herself from a situation, instead of just throwing something at them.
And in a kinder world like this, when she asks to be accommodated rather than just lashing out, strangely enough, she is accommodated.
Try to get your head around that.