2022-12-21: Pain
- Cast: Yuta Hibiki, Eisen Daiwel
- Where: Inoue Hospital
- Date: U.C. 0096 12 21
- Summary: Eisen visits Yuta Hibiki, now Gridman. He doesn't take it well.
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
Much has changed since Eisen last visited Yuta Hibiki. Though he's still in the same room, much of the more intense medical equipment has been moved out. An IV stand remains, along with a collection of monitors. Also missing is the large form of Max.
As for things that have stayed the same? A redheaded young man rests in a hospital bed.
However, he's sitting up now. Propped up on several pillows, he's looking down, reading a collection of hand-written notes on a thick stack of papers. It seems things pile up, even during only a week of slumber.
When Eisen opens the door, and the young man raises his gaze to look at him...
Those eyes are yellow.
Yuta's eyes were blue. Eisen can be very sure of that. They were one of his most striking features, an almost unreal sort of blue. Expressive and sweet, Yuta could never hide his true emotions from showing. Now? Yellow, and a dull sort of yellow, at that. There's no sense of what the young man is feeling.
"Dr. Daiwel. I've been waiting." His voice is placid. No warmth at greeting a friend. "I have so much to tell you."
A pause. Consideration. "I am not Yuta Hibiki. I am Gridman." That placid voice takes on a robotic tone, almost echoing in the small room. "I have been Gridman all along. I did not realize until I awoke here. I apologize for lying to you, even though it was unintentional. Max informed me you saved my life."
"Thank you." It's said... so simply. So emotionlessly. There's no hint of a smile on Gridman's lips, or from his eyes.
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Eisen has been taking care of Yuta dutifully. Twice every day, like clockwork, checking up on him. Watching Max talking to Yuta sometimes, or having dragged in some friend of Yuta's to talk. Sometimes, in order to ease the burden on Max, he'd talk too. Simple things, like 'hey, we need you out here', or 'we should have lunch again'. He's not one to spill his heart. But his duty and willingness to go that far for Yuta was something he's not given anyone else in his life.
He'd heard from some of the medical staff that the youth had woken up, and that he was stable. If it was not for a meeting with Guy Shishioh's team, he would have shown up immediately. Instead, he arrives when it's late in the day. The outside still raining, with that gloomy sense of the town continueing on.
Against that gloom, the bright glow of his green eyecovering always stands out. He's not even wearing his doctor's coat for this. Instead choosing to say hello to Yuta wearing utmost aesthetic fashion. A black longcoat with additional glowing elements on the inside collar, as well as various markings across its body.
But when he takes that step inside, and sees those yellow eyes, the youth stops at the entrance. There's a tension there. And when he hears that introduction, still standing at the entrance, his entire face hardens. There's a thank you... and Eisen in that moment nods his head... turns... and walks away.
The echoes of his boots ringing through his hall. Thanks to that, Gridman can tell that Eisen isn't walking very far. There's a little corner to the hospital with seats. There's a creak.
It is impossible to tell what the youth is doing. What he is feeling in that moment. A moment that will have to remain blind for Yuta -The Gridman- Hibiki. It's a silence that reigns for a while in the hospital. The occasional beep of monitors in the distance.
About ten minutes in, some other room is facing a crisis, with doctors running down the hall. Eisen remains seated. Until, eventually, a good fifteen minutes later, he shows up at the entrance again. His expression isn't quite still. It's more... angry.
Stepping at the entrance, but refusing to enter the chamber still... he just bangs his fist on part of the doorframe and growls to Gridman. In this dark, with much of his form taking up the door, it creates a dark silhouette. That green light looking less welcoming, and more like a threat...
As Eisen simply answers with one thing. With a voice that sounds strangely hoarse. Like that 'rumble' in his voice is closer to a literal growl. The kind of thing one would expect from an 'actual devil' as he described himself sometimes.
"Give him back."
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
Gridman doesn't seem to mind Eisen's choice of clothing. If anything, it feels more natural. The same way the Neon Genesis Junior High Students belong in suits, Eisen belongs in his glowing longcoat. It's the way of the world.
There's no reaction as Eisen pauses. None as he walks away. Hmm. Perhaps Eisen has decided he doesn't want to be friends with a Hyper Agent. He didn't exactly have a good experience with Calibur or Max. Or perhaps their friendship was transactional. As "Yuta" told Eisen about Tsutsujidai, Eisen saved Gridman's life. Maybe that's the end of things.
After a few moments of waiting, he returns to his papers. A crisis happens. Doctors rush by. Gridman reads. Phone lines and the net are down. That will make logistics truly difficult. No wonder Calibur's been reduced to running messages for the Shuffle Alliance.
...but Eisen returns. Even Gridman can tell there's tension here. A slam to the doorframe makes his eyes widen -- an automatic reaction. A little piece of "Yuta" left over.
Give him back.
"I'm afraid I can't give back what never existed." He says, quietly. "But if you'd be more comfortable, I can pretend. I still bear all his memories. I simply find it." A pause. "Deceitful to take on his persona."
Gridman closes his eyes. When he opens them again, they're Yuta Hibiki's sky-blue -- though still emotionless. With visible effort, he manages to tilt the tips of his lips upward into a smile. It doesn't reach his eyes.
"Eisen." The metal sheen to his voice is gone, but it's still... not right. "I'm glad you're here. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me."
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Eisen grimaces as Gridman declares that if he were more comfortable, he could pretend. He doesn't say anything. Listening to the words coming from that boy's mouth, he can feel that same anger he felt when Akane had twisted the minds of Asuka, Rei, and the others.
No.
No that's not true.
This feels more... painful somehow. When Gridman opens those eyes, showing those sky-blues. A fake smile. Saying his name with... it's not right. Something's not there. Something that even someone like Eisen, who has trouble with 'people' (as he puts it) notices.
"Give him back." He repeats, taking a step forward. Removing himself from that doorway. Removing himself from that safe place. Pulling him into this moment, to face something like this. As he realizes why it makes him feel like the matter with Akane.
It's because he feels so intensely, immensely powerless. Someone has taken away his Friend. And once again, he cannot simply go to that place and do something about it. But unlike the last time, when he couldn't get himself to go to Tsutsujidai, he's here in the midst of it now. He cannot escape this.
"You cannot just tell me that the boy I met never existed. The fact that you have reached an awareness means that most likely, your Consciousness has become the primary one within his existance - pushing him away. I don't..." I don't need you. But that isn't something he wants to admit to a stranger in Yuta's body.
Standing away from the door's opening, there is nothing to hold onto. No couch, no doorframe. Nothing. So his hands are just clutched at his sides. His head slightly raised. As the green light seems to shine a bit down his cheek. Reflecting off of a surface that is growing slightly... more reflective.
That hoarseness intensifies. Talking is hard right now. So he shuts up and touches a hand to his forehead, trying to get a grip of himself.
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
No, that didn't help. Gridman blinks again, and his eyes are yellow once again. What does Eisen need, now? As Gridman's focus slips, his face falls back into a neutral position. He's not used to moving his face -- but he is. Dueling memories, dueling capabilities.
Eisen steps closer. Gridman watches him. He can't know the mental anguish Eisen's facing. The repitition of those words. And it isn't the first time Eisen's picked those specific words, either.
"Give back my friends." Gridman says, finishing Eisen's past demands.
Eisen says more. Gridman listens.
A breath. Breathing... It's new, and it's familiar. Just like Eisen himself. New. An ally spoken of by his other self. Familiar. His friend, the boy he fought. What does Eisen need? What does...
...
Gridman's breath hitches. Something hurts, even though he hasn't moved around. Glancing down, he checks the wound on his torso. Nothing's brushing against it. So why..?
"It was always me." His voice comes soft, and metallic. "All of it was me. Expressed through another lense. Yuta Hibiki has been asleep since my spirit came to his body. You never knew him. You knew."
Me.
With slow movements, Gridman reaches a hand forward. It looks like the start of a handshake.
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Someone better. Someone more emotionally capable. Someone who is more 'accepting', might be able to take a step back. To accept what Gridman is saying here. But Eisen isn't able to do such a thing in this moment. This much change. This... 'theft' of one of the only people in this world who had started to talk to him, who actually tried to open up and had a conversation with him in a way that put them on a level field...
This is something he rejects - as thoroughly as an A.T. field rejects an Angel. Protecting it from harm. As if Carestia were standing right behind him, wrapping its skeletonal wings around him, warding off the pain.
Except, the pain is already here. And unlike battle, this isn't a pain that Eisen can use for strength. Instead... it feels more like he's bleeding from a wound he doesn't know how to close.
So the boy... is tearing up. Crying, without letting the cry get into his voice entirely. But the tears still come. For a device that is supposedly 'sealing a demon inside', it does a terrible job at sealing in those very tears. Welling up, pooling at multiple edges along the bottom of the device, before spilling out.
Even if the voice comes soft, the damage has been done. "I knew the Yuta I met." Eisen answers Gridman. "I don't know you... I am not... friends with you. Even if you have his memories, his experiences." On an intellectual level, Eisen tries to reject his own words. But in truth, Eisen isn't just intellectual. He's still human. He can't just reject emotions.
"You're not him."
The handshake is left to hang. Eisen watching as Gridman checks that wound. It's the only moment where Eisen sees some clarity. Biting his bottom lip, drawing a sleeve along his face, cursing how his body is betraying him. Cursing the words that follow from his lips, as he instinctively asks - unable to stop his own words as usual - "Are your stitches bothering you?"
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
Eisen is crying.
Another wave of that pain. This time, it's enough to make Gridman gasp. Even when they fought, Eisen hadn't cried. Is losing "Yuta" truly so painful? Kaworu and Rei took it in stride. But Eisen...
Gridman lowers his arm.
"I see." The robotic tone to his voice overpowers the organic notes entirely. "I apologize for distressing you. If I knew how to return to that state. I would. For your sake, Eisen."
Maybe they can be friends again. Maybe it can happen again. Maybe...
You're not him.
Another little gasp. Gridman's eyes close, and this time, when they open, they shimmer. Reflected light catches in their shallow depths, shining as brightly as Gridman's other set of eyes.
"I'm sorry. Eisen." Even now, his once-friend can't help but express care for him. "No. Your care has been exemplary. I am experiencing a pain I cannot locate. I have no complaints with this body, besides the slow pace of healing."
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
For his sake. Eisen's voice gets stuck in his throat.
There is only one time, a single time in his history, that anyone has ever done anything for his sake. It's the source of the scars on his body, that he doesn't show anyone. Part of the reason he always wears such body-covering clothing - amongst others.
But still, those words silence him. His hands balling to fists, trying to get back control. He hates this pain.
Is this what it's like for other people? Is this what friendship is supposed to be? Caring for people, only for them to let you down. For terrible things to happen to them? For that pain to haunt you every day? Is that what it's supposed to be like... letting people in?
As Gridman had repeated, 'Give me back my Friends'. His realization that he felt lonely without them, had been the first realization he even had something remotely like that. And they aren't even... friends back. He doubts any of them see him that way. Not like the smile on this boy's face. Where even someone such as himself could read the bond forming between them. Even with them starting off at odds, something had grown so naturally. So easily.
Just a moment of happiness, a small mote of it, amidst all the pain.
A warm single mote that peers up, in that moment that Gridman describes a pain similar to the one he is feeling. "If you figure out how to get rid of that pain... let me know. So I can do the same." Eisen answers Gridman, his voice growing more still. More distant. The tears starting to fade. A tension growing over his body, that is forcing all of his expressions to become equally still to that of Gridman's.
What was he thinking? Opening to people?
Deep breaths, stilling his heart. Trying to gain back that Self that he had so firmly established before all of this. Retreating back to when he and Carestia together became as one, so many years ago now.
"I'm sorry Yuta." Eisen then says, seemingly looking 'past' Gridman as he says this. As if Yuta were listening from somewhere beyond Gridman. He should pick up on those things Gridman is describing. The clear signs that Yuta is there. Eisen is incredible observant - to a fault even. He's picking up on them, but his mind has switched. Refusing to grab onto hope, only to feel more pain. To be let down by yet another person in his life.
"For all my surgery, and my tools. I couldn't save you. From here-on... people more suited for this will help you."
Even with Gridman thanking him for his Care, he feels like once again, that element that he 'lacks'. The element that all the other Children have, that he doesn't. The element that even Shinji has. Again, that will be what must be brought before Yuta. Before Gridman. "Maybe they can help."
Just like the matter of Akane. He feels, he cannot do anything.
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
Gridman's breath comes slowly, hitching in his chest. Silence stretches out in the hospital room, broken only by the gentle beeps of the monitors hooked up to the young man. Eisen struggles with himself. Gridman can only watch. The twin memories and entertwined desires of his two halves... neither offer him any way forward.
"...I will." Quiet, robotic. Eisen's own voice seems to undergo a change of its own, though Gridman doesn't have the words for it.
Though Eisen looks past Gridman, those yellow eyes look straight into his. The weight of his presence exists, even if the other young man can't come to terms with it. Eisen's words strike Gridman as true as any of the kaiju he's fought, lancing through his heart with the same phantom pain "Yuta" used to suffer from.
It takes Gridman a few tries to find his voice. "I see. There are many capable doctors and companions I may turn to. I do not wish to distress you if my presence is unwanted. Thank you, again, for all you've done for me. If there is ever anything myself or my companions can do to aid you, know we are at your service."
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Eisen seems to find his center again, running a hand along his hair and near his eye. No doubt using the same gesture to remove more of the moistness near his eye. A painful swallow runs down his throat.
The youth looks 'down', towards Gridman. Not quite making eye contact this time. Looking away slightly. But still enough that it's clear he's focused on Gridman still. "I assume I will see you on the battlefield, to rid ourselves of that 'Digital' Devil?" He inquires with Gridman now, interacting with him on a different position now. Simply as comrades in arms.
"Please make sure to get a least some more rest. Max has the instructions on how to deal with the wound on your chest. Try not to move too much. You may find your breathing more labored, and it to be harder to do things that... body used to do." There's a pause, before he adds; "So please be patient." He's using that same tone he used when Yuta was in a coma, and he had to explain medical things to his friends.
"Feel free to come to me if you need further medical aid." Eisen then adds, as a way to reject the idea that Gridman's presence is fully unwanted. "But I recommend you reach out to... Yuta's friends - if you wish to find him again." His eyes look tired. As if he's suddenly exhausted by something. But then he kind of forces his eyes open, to look more neutral. "From what I can tell, he is still in there. Aching." Hurting.
Eisen then steps one step back. Allowing him to lean on that doorframe again. A place to hold onto. Turning slightly, so that he has sight on both the hallway and Gridman. So his back is protected.
"Do you remember what he told me... what we talked about when we ate at that diner? When I got angry?" He inquires. About... disappearing.
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
Gridman remembers, Eisen doesn't like eye contact. He adjusts his gaze, looking just below one of Eisen's eyes. Perhaps that will help.
"Of course. Defeating Alexis Kerib is my purpose. If I knew where he might be found, I would make my way there immediately. I am thankful for your aid in this fight. For the future of all, he must be stopped."
For Akane's future, most of all. But Eisen won't want to hear that.
A nod. This conversation has lost all warmth, now. Perhaps it's easier for Eisen. Maybe it's better to pretend his heart doesn't still ache.
"I will. Until Alexis Kerib makes his move, I will rely on the strength of my allies to protect Tsutsujidai." Things this body used to do... Gridman remembers the sensation of flipping through the air, of dancing. He remembers how his movements changed when "Yuta" joined the dance club. "I cannot shirk my duty. But until that moment, I will give this body as much time as I can."
A pause on Gridman's part, now. "...are you certain my presence would not distress you further? I don't want to be a source of pain."
Yuta's friends. Find him. He is still in there, aching.
Gridman can't help but hunch his shoulders in, curling in toward his core. It's a protective gesture. This body is used to feelings like this, but half his spirit isn't. It's overwhelming. For a face that never moved, it suddenly feels natural for his eyebrows to draw together.
"Yes." Gridman says. His voice wavers. "I said I had not existed very long to begin with. Implying it would be alright if I disappeared."
Those words must feel prophetic, now.
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Eisen listens with almost detached interest to Gridman as he speaks of Alexis Kerib. This unknown being for them to battle. "There is a man, Leito Igaguri, who believes they have a way to deal with Alexis Kerib, and get him to come out." He points out to Gridman. "I don't know where that comes out in your plans, but it may mean that the fight will come sooner than you expect." He remarks, as he turns his gaze away entirely and looks down the hall.
He puts his shoe against the frame opposite to him, tip of his shoe parallel, the rest at an angle. He pauses for a bit, clearly thinking about something. His brow moving, creasing. Showing lines of age that shouldn't be there for someone who in truth, is as young as he is.
"I almost didn't exist, shortly after being born." Eisen then exposes with a sigh. "I hope that Yuta is in there. That he can hear this." The youth then remarks, as his head touches the back of the frame. It's easier to do this with a tone of detachment.
But in truth, he wouldn't be saying any of this, if he didn't still harbor hope somewhere. If he didn't still wish to keep this connection. To at least... try a little. At least, to maybe help. This is something he can do. /This much/, this, at the edge of his limits, he can do. It took some thinking, but this much...
"Eisen. N-3513. Yet another failed attempt by the Federation to mass produce NewTypes." His head is tilted down, his arms are crossed at this point, protecting himself from harm. "And the only one to still be alive." He then adds, without going into detail what those experiments were. "As you can probably tell from my interactions, I am no NewType. But I was able to fool them into investing in me for long enough to keep myself alive from a young age." His eyes close, as does the light on the right side of his face.
"I had to embrace a demon, and seal it." Once again, he doesn't explain this. "But I saw too many around me disappear at a young age. I though, when I spoke to him, that he'd fight harder than this. That he wouldn't disappear so quickly, just like..." His eyes then slowly open, including the glow on the right, and he turns his head towards Gridman, looking at him. "... just like them."
"I don't understand your situation. Gridman. Yuta. But I'd like you to try harder. Your heart aches, Gridman, and you do not understand it. That means you never understood Yuta, and Yuta's heart. You're just another person, with his memories, and his experiences, but you've learned /NOTHING/ from what he's given you. I suggest you try to bring those memories to the surface, with all of their emotions, all of those people he held dear. And see if that will help the boy come to the surface with it." He pauses for a moment, taking in a deep breath. Thinking, trying to grasp at what he is trying to say.
"Because if I am to understand everything in Tsutsujidai, you cannot win without him. But at least you've got a chance. The last person who tried, as Yuta told me, found the Devil invulnerable. So, perhaps it's tied to Akane. And the only way to reach Akane, is through emotion, through the bonds people are able to make. The kind of bonds that people like You and I seem to have difficulty making, Gridman." He's presuming. But this interaction is all he's got to go off of. And in his brain, racking at any attempt to come up with solutions, this is the only thing he can come up with. That brilliant Scientist mind of his, trying so very hard, coming up so very short when it comes to People and Emotions.
"So... try harder."
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
"Leito Igaguri. I've met him, once before. Thank you. I'll find him." Gridman speaks quietly. "Any plans I had have been thrown enough into disarray, they may as well no longer exist."
Gridman brushes a hand against the notes on his lap. The sensation of paper on skin is grounding. He's real. He exists. Even in this strange, familiar, fragile body, he exists.
The machines behind him beep. Monitoring his heart rate. Monitoring his oxygen. Proof he's alive. Proof he exists.
A breath. A touch of his tongue to the roof of his mouth. The sight of Eisen's glowing coat. Even if he'd dressed up for "Yuta", Gridman can see it with his own eyes. It's real. He's real. He exists.
"You're real. You exist." Gridman says, his voice echoing with entwined intentions.
He listens. A mass-produced Newtype? Fresh horror. What would a child have gone through in a situation like that? Was he created, as the Repli-Compoids were created, existing for a singular purpose? Certainly, Eisen's creator couldn't have been as kind as Akane. A demon. Companions disappearing. Gridman stares carefully just below Eisen's covered eye.
"I am sorry. The grief you carry is a burden none should have to bear." Gridman says, quietly. "If you believe so strongly that... "Yuta" is still present. I will seek him. If you have suggested methods, I will follow them."
Gridman's voice grows grave. "Do not say I didn't understand "Yuta". Even if you refuse to believe that he was a splinter of my soul, he was my partner. That cannot be denied. I shared his heart as he shared my body. We battled together. Suffered together. Mourned, and rejoiced. I understand you are grieving. But I will not let such an assumption stand."
"The boy who I thought was Yuta was everything to me. I travelled between dimensions to find him, when he fell into Akane's dream. I am proud of the bonds he forged. I understand they will no longer belong to me. Though, with my own hands, I built them." A breath. "Perhaps, as I consider your position, you may consider mine. Awake in a body I recognize and find foreign, looking into the eyes of the people I loved and seeing their disappointment and grief."
"Alexis drove a spear through my body the last time we fought. It more than destroyed my body, it sundered my spirit." Gridman's voice is even. One of his hands nervously taps on the papers, but stops. Eisen doesn't like that. "I will need more than myself to defeat him. That much is certain. Bonds and hearts may very well be the answer."
Yellow eyes slip closed.
"If that is true. I will attempt to prove my worth to those I consider my companions. I hope, though I have disappointed you, you would still fight by my side. Perhaps that may be bond enough."
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
"Huh?" Is the best Eisen can muster, when Gridman suddenly declares that he is real, and that he exists. He wants to instantly reply with something like 'Of course I do', or perhaps something even more Chuuni. But instead, the confusion plays out across his expression, until it quiets again. Simply letting that statement stand, so he can listen to what else Gridman has to say.
Correcting his misunderstanding. Yet... Gridman isn't Yuta. He already said that pretending to be Yuta was a lie. He saw him take that role, and it didn't feel like Yuta. That's what he'd based his assumption off of. That Gridman and Yuta were 'two' entities, with Yuta on top.
But, as Gridman points out, that isn't it. It's more complicated than that. And Eisen... doesn't understand. How could he?
So instead, he quiets and nods his head slowly. Accepting what is being said is hard enough. Gridman speaks of bonds forged by Yuta, yet at the same time saying they were built by his hands. One person, split, yet one? This strange paradox that he simply cannot connect in his mind. Where other people could.
"I still... think it would be good to revisit those memories." Eisen answers Gridman, as the boy's eyes close. Eisen removes his shoe from the doorframe. "Look, I didn't tell you my story to make you feel sorry for me. I simply told you because..." Because what?
"Because I wanted to have a chance to tell... Yuta? You? I don't know. I just wanted him to know why I got so angry at him." He thinks. By the devil, this is a mess. "Maybe, hoping to help him get back."
"Regardless, I will still stand at your side to take care of Alexis. I made a promise to Yuta. I intend to keep it." Eisen turns his head away from the hospital room for now. One hand coming up, rubbing at the back of his neck. "If I don't, we'll probably all die here anyhow." He mumbles that last part, then lowers his hand to his side. Looking like he wants to leave.
"I'll come check up on you again in the morning. But I'll probably stop showing up after that. You're welcome to visit and see me when you get stronger again. I'll work with you to create a therapy plan if need be. I'll show up to the battle. But right now... I think I need to focus on other things."