2022-09-01: Secrets and Mistakes
- Log: 2022-09-01: Secrets and Mistakes
- Cast: Leina Ashta, Sayla Mass
- Where: Villa Mass, AEU Spain
- OOC - IC Date: 1 September, 0096
- Summary: Sayla's secretive nature and recent erratic behaviour finally causes Leina to call her on her bad decisions.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
There's been a thought eating at the back of Leina's mind for months now. It's never been fully formed enough to ask. She knows barely anything about Kaiju, but from what she remembers from her reading, most Kaiju attacks on settlements result from loss of habitat.
It wasn't until a few days after the Gonglee attack that the amorphous thought of 'Since when do Kaiju ambush people?' solidifying into something more tangible after having learned what she has about that place, after being in a Kaiju attack herself.
Kaiju ambush people when there's someone directing them.
It's not a thought she actually followed up on until Anti was back home and fed - as well as Foras and Buer given plenty of love from being cruelly abandoned for so long. Once that was all taken care of though, Leina picked up her phone, and scrolled back...
6/15
>it was just a sucker punch from a kaiju!!! im okay seriously!
>just a few scratches
>medical has already cleared me
Leina stared at one line for a while, then slowly began to tap a text back...
>shiro this is going to sound weird
>but can u tell me about the kaiju that ambushed u?
>promise im not trying to give u a hard time
>this is important
Leina waited as the dots appeared to indicate typing. And then read the reply text. And the one after. And the one after.
That is the exact moment that Sayla Mass feels the streak of a Newtype flash across her senses. She almost certainly has her walls up, but she can still feel the sheer magnitude of the intentionality directed against her from someone very close - very familiar to her. Too familiar in fact.
Leina's mad.
At her.
And it's probably not the most unexpected thing in the world. In fact, it's likely far too predictable from events as of late.
-=-=-
That evening, the door to Leina's room in the villa is already open halfway. A clear signal that she's welcome - and even expected inside.
Leina's room is always fastidiously tidy, the staff rarely have to clean much - if anything. Only when she's away for prolonged periods of time. Her room is criss crossed with artfully arranged posters from theater productions, framed playbills, another frame with small scale Sheryl Nome merch, buttons and stickers and holographic paraphernelia, medals from swimming (and a few track) competitions hanging over pictures of herself at those meets..
There's a vanity with all kinds of cosmetics, a few neatly stacked fashion magazines, and some cast pictures from the productions she's been in. The dresser has other pictures arranged on top of it, Sayla and her at her middle school graduation, Sayla and her at her physical therapy, Shiro and her at their one year anniversary, candid pictures of herself with her friends at various ages and occasions.
A tidied up desk with various shelves packed with books. The nightstand - closest to the bed, has only two pictures. Sayla and herself in Paris, that first winter they spent together and the surviving Argama crew, right before the Judau and Roux left for Jupiter.
Two wooden folding doors to the balcony, which faces the courtyard of the Villa are open. Leina's sitting upon one of the comfortable wooden chairs cross-legged, in a pair of fuzzy violet pajamas, arms vaguely encircled around a pillow, waiting. It's late enough that the heat is no longer sweltering, though it's definitely not cool outside either.
She has loved sitting out here for years. Reading, listening to music, winding down from her day - looking at the night sky. It was never a star she was looking for though, even if it was brighter than most stars.
She looks calmer now, she feels calmer now - like she's ready to have a discussion between two reasonable people. With Sayla it's never been like Judau, she doesn't have to chase her and come in hot to have these kinds of difficult talks.
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
When Sayla re-enters the villa that night- she'd caught the fast train from Fujinomiya, and a Foundation driver took her the rest of the way. She does not feel good about this. She had another coffee in the car, so when she steps into the Villa she takes a few minute to freshen up, splash some water on the back of her neck, and walks up to Leina's room.
Even though she's been informally invited, Sayla still knocks. It's been important to her to respect Leina's space, especially in moments like this. She doesn't step through until she's invited, when she walks through to the balcony and takes a seat.
Eventually, she speaks. "What do we need to talk about?" Her words are careful- she doesn't put it all on Leina, and she knows this isn't a casual upset. She just doesn't know what it is yet.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Sayla knocks, and Leina answers almost instantly, "Come in." She certainly appreciates that respect for her privacy even if they've never had a relationship where Sayla would even feel tempted to invade her privacy. Leina's just, so open about who she is, what she's done, she takes responsibility for everything. If it's something she can't talk about, she says it up front. But she doesn't lie to Sayla.
When Sayla comes to the balcony and takes a seat, Leina looks her way, her foot twitches in some rhythm.
Sayla asks an important question, and Leina just says succinctly, "A lot." It's not that she's being vague, or trying to hide it, because she says it soon after. "Tsutsujidai - Banagher."
From behind the pillow, Leina picks up her cell phone, unlocks it - and hands it across to Sayla. Who'll see the following text message exchange.
08/31
>shiro this is going to sound weird
>but can u tell me about the kaiju that ambushed u?
>promise im not trying to give u a hard time
>this is important
>uh what brought this on?
>hid in mist
>used freaky tentacles
>some kind of electrical attacks???
Leina's foot twitches in rhythm, perhaps the only outward hint to her anxiety.
"I was there for the evacuation at the Deculture festival. I took the rear because I was trying to be sure there weren't any stragglers - and got separated from Ramo and the rest. So I went to a backup location to hunker down."
Pause.
"On the way the commercial district got shrouded in mist, I got turned around - tentacles tossed a wrecked GINN right out of it. Good thing Nidaime came and brought her Anopapa huh?"
Leina glances sidelong at Sayla with those green eyes. There's irritation there, but she's definitely not so wound up that she's going to start yelling.
"... Was it really that necessary to keep me on a 'need to know' for this one?"
She gesticulates lightly with a hand, "Not just this. Akane? Everything going on there? It took me roughly four conversations to figure a lot, I won't say everything - out - from people I pinned down real easily, given how weird that place is. Were you worried I'd sympathize with her situation less? Be more in danger if I went in knowing it all? Worried I'd scheme in a way that'd muck up one of your plans? After that attack, I'm genuinely trying to figure out where your head was at..."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla nods, and takes the phone she was handed. She reads it wordlessly, and hands it back. Sayla's not impassive, but she is listening when Leina speaks- only for her to be unable to hide her worry when Leina says she was at the Deculture Festival- the fight where Guy nearly died. She hopes Leina wouldn't hide injuries just to make a point, but if she thought it was an inconvenience... "The three of you weren't, were you?" She's not derailing- but that fear is real.
"I-" Sayla stops herself from jumping to a rebuttal. "I hadn't actually expected you to get as involved as you are," Sayla admits candidly. "I wanted some time to investigate Mr Links, I wanted you to have some time in space, and I knew Ramo could use some assistance setting up. I saw an opportunity to get all three at once." Being dishonest about it would only hurt Leina, and she wanted to know what was going through Sayla's head.
"I hadn't actually expected Akane to... well, speak to you." For once, Sayla is the one to look away. "But now that it's on the table... I should have given you more warning about Akane. I'm sorry."
When she finally looks forward. "But if there's any hope of bringing her back from this, then she needs to have people she can trust. And that means there are things I can't tell you. Not yet." Sayla's firm on this one. "I don't think I was thinking of what you'd do at all. My focus was elsewhere. It shouldn't have been but it was."
And then she comes to the big one. "...as for the Kaiju that's... complicated." She takes a breath. "I only got the full information of what happened there a few nights ago, and some of that is inference. Yes, I had suspicions but it didn't match well enough to be sure. It wasn't until-" Sayla stops. "...We need to talk about Ramo. After the rest of it. She's... not okay, but she's supported enough that she well be. But we can talk about after everything else."
Sayla gets herself back on track, but it's unusual for her own thoughts to get derailed so. But that's for after too. "I just got back from telling Koji what I found out. I can say for certain that Akane wasn't responsible for attacking Shiro- her guardian, Alexis Kerib was." Sayla looks down at her hands. "It was his attention I was hoping for you to avoid."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"I wasn't hurt. Nidaime wasn't either. Anosillus got a little banged up but nothing serious - I think? It's hard to tell with him." Leina confirms after a moment. There was a near miss? Where a tentacle targeted her atop Anosillus, but she doesn't need to worry her over that.
There's a spike of irritation as Sayla mentions time to investigate Mister Links, but it lapses into a feeling like she'd already realized it - even before talking to Banagher face to face. She listens though, she doesn't interrupt, as Sayla apologizes, and Leina actually does clarify on that point, once she's said she can't break Akane's trust.
"That one was on me. Talking to Akane. I had Ramo bring her over for a hang out one day. We came to a pretty good understanding? Since I didn't know a lot about her at the time, she appreciated a space where we weren't talking about anything she'd have to retreat from."
Leina explains before looking sideways at Sayla, "We couldn't coax her to join, like you wanted, but she's open to hanging out at the office every now and then - which is at least a step in the right direction." As she explains exactly what she was up to with that - and how involved she is, "We're planning a party soon for moving into the office, she's coming."
There's a pause and... "Apology accepted." She finally says, but she didn't think it was right to accept it before telling her all of that.
Leina though furrows her brow when she mentions that Ramo isn't okay. Though mentions it can wait until after the rest. There's a certain radiation of deep concern there, but slowly she nods on deferring it. And then... she says Akane wasn't behind Shiro's attack, and Leina actually exhales with a sense of relief because it does make a huge difference to her that Akane wasn't, "Alexis Kerib." She repeats, "I didn't learn much of anything about him. I just knew what you'd said about the danger. That's my plan now, to try to give her a space right now where she doesn't have to put on this... stupid villain act. He'll have more trouble isolating her if we can keep her interested in coming."
She arches an eyebrow at Sayla though in incredulity, "I can't believe you actually thought I wouldn't involve myself this much." That's not her accusing Sayla of lying, just... "Even if you decided it was too dangerous to approach her at the time, it's obvious how invested you are in trying to get her out of the mess she's in. Reaching out to her was part of the plan from the start. Did you really think I wouldn't put in my own effort?"
This is more exasperation and light amusement.
"Let's not switch gears to Banagher yet." In part, it's because Leina realizes how amped up she's likely to get about that, and in part because Sayla has thoroughly distracted her with bringing up Ramo, "What's going on with Ramo? What happened?"
It's so painfully her, perhaps, to be so thoroughly distracted by the idea that someone else is in a bad state... "She did incredible with the logistics of the evacuation, her and Ako, the way they handled it kept anyone from getting caught indoors. I was going to recommend you giving her even more responsibility."
There's a certain growing anxiety now, like she's worried she's at fault for something going wrong, "All I told her was that we got a tip that a Kaiju attack was going to happen, but if everyone panicked and evacuated early - more people would die, because the attack would become unpredictable."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
"I'm glad." She responds, seemingly both on everyone being okay, and getting an understanding. "...As much as you can, I'd like you to keep it that way. She needs a place she can be... normal, for want of a better word?" Sayla nods. "That's a lot, honestly. You did well."
It's Sayla who relaxes on apology accepted. "Thank you." She also knows that will likely not be the only apology she makestonight.
"He's... extremely dangerous, and extremely unpredictable." Sayla pauses. "He can seemingly go wherever he wants." She contemplates stopping there, but doesn't. "He enjoys hurting people, and I think he might go after people close to Akane. Or he might go after you to hurt me." There's a reason she wanted to stop.
"You don't have to through yourself into my projects. Besides it's been... alliance business so far." They had that agreement, after all. "But I suppose it's rather spread into foundation business as well." Sayla sighs. "That said, I'm not above being an idiot sometimes." There's not as much mirth there as one might hope, but there's some.
Sayla nods, accepting the change of topic. "Have you met Rikka, Utsumi or Yuta yet?" She asks, looking to Leina. "Ramo's like them now. She remembers the Kaiju attacks, she can see the Venora. She stands out among everyone else. I haven't told her too much yet- she was already overwhelmed. But she put together Akane's involvement and what's happening in minutes. What took us months took her moments. And I think your warning was the catalyst."
Sayla looks to Leina, not angry but definitely concerned. "I don't think it's your fault, but now we have to think about what we do. Anyone who is awake, who stands out, is in danger. I haven't sent her to the Gridman Alliance- I think that would send Akane's paranoia into overdrive. But I have given her contacts who can help her if she can't reach out. But she's got an immensely heavy burden now. She has to pretend to forget like anyone else. And perhaps anyone could become that way, and that might make them targets- mainly for Alexis. The longer Ramo stays under the radar, the better."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
She could mention Anti as another example, of how her ignorance of his tie to Akane almost led her into making an error with Akane, but at this point she feels it would only make Sayla feel worse for no reason - brushing on basically the same points. She decides simply just let it slide for now.
"Thank you." She even smiles a bit at being told she's done well, even if she's confident enough to know that without being told it, the validation from Sayla is still something she enjoys, "I'll keep doing my best. So long as I'm around Ramo whenever I see her, I don't think she'll go into anything... serious, that would obligate me to take it out of that space."
It's wince worthy to think about perhaps, Akane going full super villain act, Leina scolding her. Even Leina doesn't want to take it there, she's too honest, she wouldn't be able to let Akane talking casually about certain things slide. Thus it's better for now, to keep it neutral, to keep it in that space.
She'd tell Sayla about the other facet of her plan, but that'd be betraying Rikka's confidence...
As Sayla talks about Alexis, Leina nods slowly, she'd already heard 'supernatural' and 'Devil.' "I'll be careful. At the very least, I don't intend to ever seek... her out. Or be too aggressive when she comes to me. That might keep me under his radar."
Pause.
Leina smirks when Sayla says it's Shuffle business, "Yeah I know. I even pinpointed a few people you likely recruited." She shakes her head lightly, "They didn't let it slip. I just, know you too well." The look in her eyes turns mischievous as Sayla says she's not above being an idiot, "I think that's well established by now, Sayla."
Her tone turns light, "Fortunately for you - I'm not above being an idiot either... for a good cause."
She does ask about Rikka, Utsumi, and Yuta. "All of them but Utsumi. I hit it off well with Rikka and Yuta." Though then she clarifies and... "Ah." Leina inhales sharply, and then a word uncommon to her lips is uttered from her mouth, "Shit."
As it sinks in the ramifications, rebalancing her weight on her chair, she rubs a hand across her face - it's easy enough to see her beating herself up a little for it, even if there's no way she could have predicted this could have happened. "No, I agree, don't send her to them."
As Leina jots down that they're the Gridman Alliance in private, not the Kaiju Defense Force, "That'd put her in a bad position, not just on Akane's side either, it'd pressure her to give more than what she wants to give."
The motion of Leina's hand stops the rubbing and she drops it, "Plus, from what you said, it sounds like you haven't told her that... Akane created her. Yuta wouldn't hold back on telling her that. And I can only imagine what that'd do to her before she's processed, all of this." Her anxiety turns into a certain resolve as she simply determines what needs to be done, "I'll make the trip back soon. She doesn't have anyone to talk to on all this except you or me, and it's easier for me to be there for her."
There's a long sigh, she obviously feels bad, certainly it's an inadvertent consequence of her meddling - but it's still a consequence. In the end, maybe it'll be better off for Ramo to be like the others, but in the short term - it sucks, and she didn't ask for this to happen to her.
"Alright. Anything else we need to cover there... or..." In the end, she tries to distract herself away from it, there's a subtle hardening in her tone, but she's going to give her a chance to explain herself before assuming anything, "... would you like to start telling me what happened with Banagher? Your side of the story?"
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla nods. It seems a sound enough plan. "I know you'll do all you can. Just please take care of yourself, too." A solid reminder of Leina's own tendency to extend herself too much. "I don't want you missing auditions because you overworked yourself." After all, the drama club gets back into gear quickly after break.
Sayla sighs. "Of course you did..." She knows the group are careful, but- And then Leina curses and Sayla stops her. "Leina Ashta, don't dare blame yourself for this. I didn't know this could happen, and I don't think anyone else could have. You acted in the most sensible way you could, under the circumstances. That warning saved lots of people. You did the right thing- just focus on what you'll do from here." It's a familiar refrain- one Sayla gave a lot in the early years of them living together.
"...No, I didn't. It's better for her to have limited information, and she asked me not to go into detail on things. I haven't told the Gridman Alliance about her yet, either. That's something she has to know what she's getting into, and so do they."
Sayla shakes her head. "...No. Let's get this over with." She takes a long breath, before she gets into it.
"I conducted a background check before anything else, to confirm everything you told me. Once it checked out, I found his location and had him invited to a restaurant nearby. I arrived before him, he arrived five minutes early, dressed in what I think is the best he had access to. observed him for ten minutes. I wanted to know how he'd react to an inconvenience like that. He seemed most nervous. I entered and introduced myself, but I doubt my tone was friendly."
She's trying to deliver this as neutrally as she can, so Leina can make a fair assessment. But also to present it as fairly to Banagher- and herself- as she can. "He was... clearly starstruck, and he offered me a gift- your idea, I presume?" Sayla looks away. "Unfortunately, it was... poorly chosen. However I doubt it would have occurred to either of you. But it meant I started on a bad foot and didn't improve any. I called him on his carelessness- but I believe him when he said he hadn't been taught operational security."
Sayla wishes she had something to drink, but now isn't the time, "He also told me that he asked you berfore her told you anything, just in case." She breathes out. "So I told him about your tendency to ignore your own needs for the sake of others. I feel it was justified with everything you told me about him. The consequences for that fall on me, not him." She takes a moment at this time, to let Leina catch up- and be angry with her- before continuing.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"They'd offer a special extension if I asked for it." Leina indicates mischievously, even if her whole club minus maybe a small handful didn't love her, she's actually gotten several members to volunteer in the Yumi foundation. A hook of traveling abroad and looking good in college applications goes far, though most stay for reasons beyond that after they give it a try. "But I won't have to ask for it, promise."
Sayla though calls her out on blaming herself, and at first she looks like she bristles from it, though then her shoulders sink as she accepts it, knowing it's true, "I know I did the right thing. It did the greatest good, for the most amount of people - and I know I couldn't have predicted this would happen." Her eyes fall even lower, "But that's pretty cold comfort to Ramo right now isn't it? Feels like yet another sacrifice, even if it was on accident." She shakes her head, "We'll figure it out going forward. She's smart, and resilient. She'll get through this."
It sounds at least like she's mostly accepted it right now...
She nods about not telling her yet, seemingly in agreement, before the subject turns to Banagher as per her request. Leina leans an elbow on on her knee, and her cheek against it. Those green eyes don't leave Sayla during this. "Yeah." On it being her idea, she already knows that Sayla didn't like it from Banagher. She doesn't feel there's any point in holding it back, with things having gone as disastrous as they did. "I didn't want to send him in with anything that was obviously my idea. And I hadn't told him who you were, so he had no context for picking a gift on his own."
Leina nods again to confirm that he did, not commenting - when, what Sayla says just causes her to sit up straight, taking her hand off her cheek. She just looks aghast, "I didn't give him a guide to dealing with you beforehand. I let him go in cold other than that gift without him even knowing he was going to meet one of his heroes. Because ultimately I thought it was up to him to win you over. And in return you gave him - anxiety - about sharing anything with me at all?"
Leina lets that hang for a while, "I'm one of the few people he trusts! I've been trying to help guide him out of a dark place - and you tell him THAT? He'll end up thinking I might be hurting myself just listening to him! I don't think waiting until we made it past even you know, date number three, five??? before taking him aside and giving him the Guide to Leina Ashta's flaws was too much to ask for!"
Leina makes this frustrated noise, "Ugghhhh, even if we break up and stay just friends now- it's going to be so awkward." Leina actually briefly acts out being two people, putting up two hands like puppets, herself on Sayla's left, and Banagher on Sayla's right and even altering her voice to being more masculine for his (She played Viola once in Twelfth Night during a Shakespeare season, so she's not even bad at this.), "'Hey Banagher how was your day?' 'Oh hey Leina - it was... you know, fine.' 'Oh yeah?' 'Yeahhhh. You know, nothing worth mentioning really.' She remains on Banagher's side, and amps up the melodrama, "It's not like I fought Full Frontal again today and he really got into my head - and it's bothering me a lot. Why would that have happened? It's crazy to think something like that would ever happen - you're overreacting if you think something like that ever could have happened!"
Throwing up her hands, it seems like she's petered up out of anger to just exasperation now, "Should I tell the next War Orphan you're working with that they need to be careful not to take up too much of your time - because you'll let them if they don't check themselves? What's the matter with you?"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"They'd offer a special extension if I asked for it." Leina indicates mischievously, even if her whole club minus maybe a small handful didn't love her, she's actually gotten several members to volunteer in the Yumi foundation. A hook of traveling abroad and looking good in college applications goes far, though most stay for reasons beyond that after they give it a try. "But I won't have to ask for it, promise."
Sayla though calls her out on blaming herself, and at first she looks like she bristles from it, though then her shoulders sink as she accepts it, knowing it's true, "I know I did the right thing. It did the greatest good, for the most amount of people - and I know I couldn't have predicted this would happen." Her gaze drops even lower, "But that's pretty cold comfort to Ramo right now isn't it? Feels like her feelings were collateral damage, even if it was on accident." She gives her head a small shake, "We'll figure it out going forward. She's smart, and resilient. She'll get through this."
It sounds at least like she's mostly accepted it right now...
She nods about not telling her yet, seemingly in agreement, before the subject turns to Banagher as per her request. Leina leans an elbow on on her knee, and her cheek against it. Those green eyes don't leave Sayla during this. "Yeah." On it being her idea, she already knows that Sayla didn't like it from Banagher. She doesn't feel there's any point in holding it back, with things having gone as disastrous as they did. "I didn't want to send him in with anything that was obviously my idea. And I hadn't told him who you were, so he had no context for picking a gift on his own."
She files it away to ask later about why the gift didn't land - what didn't they know about? Suddenly she's glad she hid the little plushie unicorn Banagher gave her after he told her that...
Leina nods again to confirm that he did, not commenting - when, what Sayla says just causes her to sit up straight, taking her hand off her cheek. She just looks aghast, "I didn't give him a guide to dealing with you beforehand. I let him go in cold other than that gift. He didn't even know he was going to meet one of his heroes. Because ultimately I thought it was up to him to win you over. And in return you gave him - anxiety - about sharing anything with me at all?"
Leina lets that hang for a while before continuing on her tirade, "I'm one of the few people he trusts! I've been trying to help guide him out of a dark place - and you tell him THAT? He'll end up thinking I might be hurting myself just listening to him! I don't think waiting until we made it past even you know, date number three, five??? before taking him aside and giving him the Guide to Leina Ashta's flaws was too much to ask for!"
Leina makes this frustrated noise as she lets herself fall backward in her chair, "Ugghhhh, even if we break up and stay just friends now- it's going to be so awkward." For a moment she's so painfully a teenager, in just her reaction.
However then she raises both her hands like puppets, switching from a more feminine voice on the left, to a more masculine on the right as she flaps her hands. She played Viola once in Twelfth Night during a Shakespeare season, so she's not even terrible at making her voice masculine, "'Hey Banagher how was your day?' 'Oh hey Leina - it was... you know, fine.' 'Oh yeah?' 'Yeahhhh. You know, nothing worth mentioning really.' 'Really? Are you sure?' This time the masculine puppet just starts amping up the melodrama, "Really! It's not like I fought Full Frontal again today and he really got inside my head - and it's bothering me a lot. Why would that have happened? It'd be crazy for you to think something like that would ever happen-!"
Throwing up both her hands, she sheds the impromptu puppet show, "Should I tell the next War Orphan you're working with that they need to be careful not to take up too much of your time - because you'll let them if they don't check themselves? What's the matter with you!?"
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla gives a small nod, but she's still- a little wary. "Ramo will have our support, and I doubt it will just be us. We'll do what we can." She's not going to push Leina not to dwell right now- she rather imagines she won't have to.
"...Do you really think that was fair to him?" As she's asking that question, a part of her feels it's unfair, or deflecting. But she has to wonder. Sayla's face visibly darkens when Leina mentions 'meeting one of his heroes'. "Then you definitely did him a disservice." That comes out more tired, more curt, more angry than she had hoped. She immediately looks away, unable to bring herself to apologize in the moment.
"Where do you think you're actually at? You aren't treating this like a first date, you're acting almost like you where when you'd been dating for months! And it's because of that damn connection. You told him about things that you've never brought up with others. Hell, the only reason Shiro knew about what you went through with Neo Zeon as early as he did because you met him while you were recovering." Sayla is angry, angry in a way she hasn't been in a long time. The puppet show only seems to frustrate her, but it's those two questions in quick succession that stop her ion her in her tracks.
She's silent for more than a minute, as she tries to work out what the answer is. And then another minute trying to find the words. It's something she hates to admit, which makes it worse.
"...I'm scared." She says, still not able to look Leina in the eyes. Her voice is strained, like she's trying to hold back all of it. So it's at least fair, so she isn't manipulating Leina. "It doesn't excuse anything, I know I'm just.... I'm terrified of what you're getting involved with him. Not just because of his Neo Zeon ties, not just because of this conspiracy." Sayla tries to look back up, but she can't. "Yes, he reminds me of Amuro, right after the war. But it's not that. When he said if he had to stay away from you to protect you he would, I snapped at him. Because... because in that moment I could only think of Edouard." Sayla's trying to keep everything together, but she's failing as tears appear in her eyes. Her next words are slightly choked. "...you're all I have left, Leina. I don't want something like what happened to you to ever happen again. I don't want to lose you."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Sayla's curt remark draws a little more of her fire, even as she looks away. "You're the one who cares about Opsec. You think I should instantly spread around to everyone that I'm your ward? Especially after I found out he was on a Neo-Zeon ship?"
Leina raises an eyebrow at her, "Yes I understood I was doing him a disservice. And yes I understood he'd mess up because of it. But I thought him getting a little dose of reality was better than him telling the wrong person he wanted to date the ward of someone who served on White Base." She counters back.
However, what Sayla says next stings, because there's enough truth to it that it hurts. And Leina, despite her anger, actually seems to deescalate... a little. She's not someone who's going to lie, or gloss over real points to win an argument. "It wasn't... all because I told him." Leina just hugs her pillow and sighs, "His situation just, kind of drew it out of me. And I don't mean verbally. I'm not as good at keeping my walls up as you are. I kept the worst of it far... far away from him."
She levels her green eyes on Sayla, "He doesn't know as much as Shiro knew. Even when we were just kids." Leina looks away, "If he hadn't been near Marida, I don't think..." She hugs her pillow even tighter, "... I don't think it would have come out. But it did."
In a way it's a testament to Sayla's fears for this connection, and she knows it, however she's not going to lie to her as she quiets down, "I've done better since then. There's just so many things I don't want him to see."
She hadn't been looking Sayla in the eyes herself when Sayla says '... I'm scared.' And for a few long moments, it seems like even that might not move her much. However, slowly, subtly, her posture eases up. She looks over her way. Expression impassive, but her intent anything but that. Mostly she's letting Sayla talk. As she mentions Amuro. As she mentions Edouard. As tears appear in her eyes.
As she chokes up...
That's when she stands up. It was already too much for her the moment she invoked Amuro. Edouard - the brother she knows it's tough for Sayla to even mention - because he left her. Leina seats herself on the side of Sayla's chair, and leans across her, one encircling her torso, the other around her neck and shoulders, lacing in a big circle. As she just holds her while she cries. "You won't. I promise." Leina says quietly, "You won't just not lose me - one day years from now you're going to meet my children for the first time." There's a gentleness to her right now, "At the same time I do."
Leina in turn is terrified of losing Sayla, she went through a war herself, knows how easy it is for a pilot's life to be snuffed out at any time. So perhaps with such statements she tries to incentivize her to live, to survive. However, she is being sincere...
... Leina has always wanted children. Always.
"I'm disappointed in you. Because I feel like you're approaching him as some card carrying member of the Sleeves. When he's a traumatized kid, who was put in a messed up situation. Not some spy, or soldier. His engineering college was destroyed by the Sleeves Sayla. He fought Marida. He fought Full Frontal - with almost no experience piloting - defending the Gwennangorn. He was captured by him. If he's being treated kindly as a prisoner - it's because they want his cooperation."
Despite saying she's disappointed though, her tone is kind, soothing, understanding - but it also expresses how she feels, "Does that sound a little similar else to someone you know?" She lets that hang for a few moments. And there's a light sigh, "So, I'm mad at you. But I also... understand. He touched on some places that really hurt, that hit close to home. And his situation being close to me frightens you. Sayla, in the end, whether I'm treating him like it's been months or not - he's still a boy who I haven't even gone out with yet."
Slowly her eyes lid as she leans against her, "He could never, ever - compete with my love for you. Okay? So if you want me to be more careful. I promise I'll be more careful. If you want me to stay further away from this conspiracy, from Neo-Zeon. I'll do that too. I'll agree to whatever measures put your mind more at ease. But in return, you've got to promise me that you'll treat him more fairly - or find someone who will. We might decide to be 'just friends' a few weeks from now... but that still makes him a friend that needs help."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
Sayla tenses. "Not instantly," she rebuts. "But when you knew we'd have to meet." She tenses though, and she shakes her head. "...I could have warned him, with my message." She has to admit it, to concede that point and not let all the blame fall on Leina. "He needed a smaller dose than I could give him."
Things shift, and Leina's posture becomes defensive. "I know... But you can't control what you share in those moments. And often you don't get context. You may know something about the other person without knowing the weight it carries. It might not just be the two of you in that space." She can't explain it as well as she normally would.
But Leina coming over makes her feel like an awful person. Like she's just played her. She starts to put up a hand to request Leina stay back- but falters. But she still can't meet her eyes. Even as Leina tries to assuage her fears there's still a part of her knowing the Leina can't guarantee what she's saying. Maybe she can believe it for now. Or try to.
Sayla winces. "I know. On paper, I know..." She shakes her head. "I owe him an apology. On his terms, not mine. I'm not sure if I'm the right person to help him, however. I'll try- but that may mean finding more suitable guidance." She has a few names on her list.
But something doesn't sit right. "...Leina. I'm not worried about competition." She reaches up to squeeze one of Leina's hands. "That's not the sort of person you are." What she is worried about goes unsaid. "But I'm not going to put any restrictions on you. I'm the one who has to adjust, not you. If he's going to be part of your life, I have to get used to it." Sayla finally looks up to Leina. "But I will request that you don't go out unarmed. Not that that's a new request."
Sayla doesn't lean back, but she relaxes now that it's all out there. "So. Have the two of you picked where you're going yet?" At no point, after all, had she said they shouldn't date. "And will you need transport or are you driving yourself?"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
'He needed a smaller dose than I could give him.'
"That makes two of us." Leina actually sighs, because she feels bad in some small ways, like her beliefs...
... just crush his innocence.
'It might not just be the two of you in that space.' Actually hits on a fear that Leina has herself, but... she can't tell her right now, not while they're mad. Not while she's scared. She'll tell her again sometime soon.
Maybe it is a promise she can't keep, but in this moment at least, she means it - and wants to believe it too.
"Maybe so and... I'm already working on it. Judau and Roux already spoke to him - before you even. And I sent him to Kamille." Not 'Dr. Bidan' in this circumstance. She's always pretty informal about that with friends. "I was careful, in case the Federation is still monitoring him." She wishes the 'him' was Banagher, but they both know it's Kamille. "But... he'll need more than that."
As Sayla squeezes one of her hands, Leina looks at Sayla, despite Sayla trying not to look at her. "Never do." There's a long look over her, and then her tone sharpens, "Sayla." Pause, "You're scared. Don't tell me you have to get used to that. I won't get used to you living that way. I don't want you to live your life at that level of fear. So yes, you'll adjust - but I don't mind adjusting too in the short term. Until we both know better what to expect from this."
The sharpness in her tone drops and she grows quieter, "He makes me happy, but I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't a bit scared too."
There's a pause and...
"We've idly discussed it. Admittedly we were too busy to settle on a location yet. I think I'm... going to ease him into my love of the theater." She is smiling again, "I've shot down Judau's suggestion of Zero-G axe throwing." A beat, "And his other suggestion of agreeing to split the check at dinner - then immediately ordering the most expensive items on the menu."
There is amusement, and for a moment Sayla might think she's telling a joke, but... no, despite her amusement, she feels all too serious.
"Which... reminds me, uh..." Pause, "... I actually asked Judau and Roux if they'd be willing to move in here. They're... actually seriously considering it? They haven't given me their final decision yet but..." She feels actually equal parts giddy and anxious all at once??? Like she's worried it's too much to hope for, but she wants to hope for it. "... it could actually happen? I know I didn't ask you first... but I didn't think you'd mind either."
<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
"...Dr Bidan is a good choice." Sayla says, relatively calmly. She's at her best when a problem can be solved. "Maybe Koji could help too. His and Mr Links worldviews align somewhat." There's someone else she wants to nominate- but not until he's out of hospital. If he gets out of hospital...
Sayla's tone doesn't get sharper, but definitely firmer. "I think you've missed what I'm scared of, pollito." She sighs. "It's not the memories I'm afraid of- it's how being with him could affect you. And the danger you could be in." She smiles, a little weakly. "But that's a fear I want to carry with me forever. I'll always be worried about you to some degree. I think it just... boiled over, with everything else in play."
She gives Leina a bit of a sly look. "But that's the weight of caring for someone who wants to change the world for the better." It goes both ways, too. She knows that. And Leina's point makes sense. "...alright." She accepts Leina's terms for the moment. "We can work out exactly what's involved later, though."
"That makes sense. A comedy, perhaps? Or a musical?" Okay this is Sayla planting a suggestion. She raises an eyebrow at the first suggestion, but not the second. "I'm amazed he'd want you around drunk earthnoid bachelor parties throwing axes. Those things can bounce every. They're blunted and the targets are magnetized, sure-" Splitting the bill sounds more like Judau though, and Sayla even chuckles a little. "THAT sounds like your brother. I wonder if any of that tiramisu even made it back home."
Sayla blinks for a moment, then earnestly, fully smiles. "You're right, I don't. I hope they say yes." She muses briefly. "We can use the household account for moving fees and anything they need- and I won't be argued with on this. I used them to cover things for Anti, it's only fair that they be used for Judau and Roux." It's not the same argument and Sayla knows it, but she's also not going to let money be a barrier- and at no point did she ever plan it to.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Mmmmm. That puts him at risk of running into Shiro though." Leina debates when it comes to Koji, then ultimately sighs, "He was supportive when I told him I might be dating again, but I could tell he was hurt too." Perhaps it's a testament to how much she cares for him still that she did that one face to face. It wasn't over the phone or by text. She sat and talked with him for hours. "Koji's ... a really good option. So it's worth the risk."
Leina raises an eyebrow at Sayla, as she talks it out with that firm tone, "I'm not sure I missed it at all." She says obstinately. Because while she understands that Sayla will always be scared for her welfare to some degree, she also knows that Banagher is a situation that puts her - at new levels of fear. Even in Shiro's situation, if Count Brocken had one day decided she'd be a good target, she'd be much safer than with Banagher.
And Shiro wasn't a Newtype. So that entire factor of harm was ruled right out.
However, she relents with a smile after a moment, as Sayla agrees to her terms anyway, "Alright. We'll figure it out together. Something reasonable."
Sayla plants a suggestion and Leina Ashta, despite being mostly smart to her ways isn't in fact immune to subtle non-verbal manipulation, "Mmmm.... a musical might be best to start with. The Marauders of Moore maybe. I'll have to check prices..."
The fact she's fretting about this at all is testament to her frugality...
"... I think, he's mistaking a play for an Opera, bless him. He thought it was a total dealbreaker on a first date, and we should do something more exciting." A beat, "He also thought that plays have, concession stands, and didn't allow you to sneak in food? Look..." Leina puts a hand up to her forehead as she smiles, "... he went straight from the slums of Shangri-la, to the war, to Jupiter. I kind of blame myself for not managing to get him to go to class more often."
Leina actually smiles, even bigger, at Sayla's instant agreement- and that smile. It's true, it's not the same thing for ANTI especially - "I won't argue, not for this. Honestly, if what it took to get them to move in was us having to pay Roux's monthly rent in Londenion - or even to build a Hangar for the villa."
Those things are nowhere near equivalent in scale. She knows that too.
She gives Sayla a serious look, perhaps as serious as she's ever been, "I have my pride, but I'd be begging you. I want this that badly." She grows whisper quiet, then actually looks like she's going to cry herself, by just that small sparkle in her eyes. However, she doesn't. "I've been waiting eight years for it."