2022-08-02: The Contents of One's Heart
- Log: 2022-08-02 The Contents of One's Heart
- Cast: Kaworu Nagisa, Eisen Daiwel, Yuliana Dispersal
- Where: Tokyo-3, OCU Japan
- OOC - IC Date: August 2nd, 0096 (2022)
- Summary: Yuliana brings a complaint about Eisen to Kaworu's attention. Kaworu discusses it with him.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
If any out-of-organization individual was going to demand a meeting to complain about a NERV pilot, Kaworu had always thought it would be about Asuka. That it's about Eisen is a little surprising--but not very, all considered.
After receiving the written complaint, which included a request to speak directly to one of Eisen's superior officer, it was determined that Kaworu--albeit not precisely Eisen's superior officer--would be the best option to field this due to his also being an Evangelion pilot. Considering he's an administrator, which is only the *equivalent* of a lieutenant and not actually a military title, it's a little shaky. Maybe he's been assigned this task because everyone knows he won't complain.
Either way, a meeting is arranged in a NERV customer service office on the aboveground, in Tokyo-3 proper rather than the Geofront. For Yuliana, it's an acceptance of her request (demand); for Eisen, it's functionally a disciplinary review, though being there at the same time means a chance to work out the problem, theoretically. The building itself is pleasant enough, in a sterile sort of way; there's good air conditioning and the waiting room is clean, but the walls are off-white and lack decoration, and everything is numbered. Yuliana will be lead to an office to one side shortly after her arrival, while Eisen will simply be told the office number and pointed in the right direction. It's not a matter of disrespect, though it might be seen that way; Eisen's simply expected to already be familiar with the general layout as a member of NERV.
Inside is a small office, with enough room to fit three people comfortably. Appropriately, once Yuliana and Eisen have arrived, there will be precisely three people. The lack of name plate on the outside, the barren L-shaped desk and the mostly-barren bookcase on the wall behind him imply that this room is being borrowed and normally isn't in use. Kaworu himself is seated behind the desk, on which a simple name placard reading ADMINISTRATOR K. NAGISA is placed. He's dressed in a black suit with a white button-up shirt and a purple scarf-like tie with a green stripe towards the bottom. His NERV ID is attached to his breast pocket, verifying he is who he is. His right arm is in a sling, and a wooden cane with a metal handle leans to one side of the desk. Eisen's of course already familiar, but Yuliana might note his gray hair and red eyes--and the fact that he's clearly a teenager, seemingly younger than both of them.
"Thank you both for coming today, Captain Dispersal, Pilot Daiwel," Kaworu states upon their arrival. His red eyes linger on Yuliana for a moment. His expression, normally friendly or at least at ease, is grave. Maybe it's due to the nature of the meeting. "If you could both please have a seat, we'll begin with Captain Dispersal's complaint. Captain?"
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Eisen has been a rather troublesome, or perhaps troubled, individual as of late. It's perhaps to be expected of someone who doesn't really seem to form emotional bonds that well. Though he interacts with people around him, there's always this distance within that 'connection'.
He'd been expecting this particular situation to come up. In fact, he still has a 'required' meeting with some of the STORAGE people who wanted to talk to him about how 'mishandling of Kaiju'. But they youth has been keeping himself too busy to attend such a thing, it'd almost seemed from an outside perspective. To be expected, perhaps, with a Talk happening at Ravnui not too long from now.
Unappreciative of what this matter entails, and on a surface level appearing to be indicating a rebellious attitude towards the matter, he's come wearing his labcoat. That on its own isn't too unusual for the youth, if it were not for the fact that he has a small datapad on him with technical items on it, that he's messing with even as he enters the chambers. His head down, making notes with a small stylus.
Joining him is a large cybernetic hound, easily the size of a wolf, which is commanded to sit outside of the door and wait for him to be done. Easily interpretted as a way to embelish his own presence at this meeting.
He looks up from his pad for a moment as he steps in, considering the boring white walls and the barren book case. "Administrator." He remarks, nodding to Nagisa, as he sits down, drawing one leg over the other indicating his comfort, and puts the pad on his lap to continue toying with it.
He mumbles a "Sure." when Kaworu welcomes the both of them, though he doesn't really even seem to acknowledge the Captain's presence immediately. Still, he seems to halt his messing with the datapad in order to listen to the complaint leveraged against him.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
Yuliana arrives in Tokyo-3 in her full captain's uniform, for once -- dull Khanka-green, with crisp cream lines along her jacket from its stiff neck to where it ends by her legs, and darker green at her sleeves and about her waist. She has a cap; her teal bangs sneak out from underneath it, veiling half her face.
She demanded to speak with Eisen's superior, after all -- so it pays to demonstrate just who is speaking.
It's standard protocol for her to be escorted through; Yuliana would never accuse NERV of something so devious as being clever enough to escort her. She makes no comment on the robot dog, which she does, indeed, dismiss in her head as a robot dog.
"Administrator," Yuliana greets Kaworu, as she steps inside, holding a file in a hand. "Pilot." She's all business; she sounds perfectly measured, unimpressed but not explosive.
That's the impression she gives, with the neutrality of her gaze, the subtle downturn of her lip, the cool tone of her words. All these terrestrial signals line up just fine.
Except -- there's no emotional information coming from her whatsoever. She isn't difficult to read; there's nothing THERE. It is a nothing which follows her, immediately surrounding her, plunging the whole world to silence. It is a nothing which can only be felt for those who would feel something, the rest of the time. Someone like...
"Thank you," Yuliana nods, chilly, to Kaworu, as she leans forward to drop the file on the desk. (In, towards Kaworu.) Straightening back up, she gestures to it, a frown crossing over her features. "You'll see there the data recorded by my team of the battle, alongside testaments from Londo Bell's Captain Eight York about your Pilot's behaviour. As you can see, he blithely disregarded warnings that a civilian was atop the kaiju in order to -- now, I cannot be more frank about this -- eat it."
Yuliana, of course, is no stranger to hunger herself. Does that make it more cruel of her to criticise this so strigently? Never mind that.
"This obviously contravenes guidelines on treatment of civilians," Yuliana remarks, unimpressed. "Furthermore, it was an escalation of force which scarcely fit the nature of the conflict at hand -- the target was stealing ration crates and seemed to have little interest in causing widespread human damage."
She gestures, to the file. "The only thing I can say in favour of your man's behaviour -- and it's a remarkably bleak favour -- is that he made it clear after the fact that he had made a deliberate decision to go through the civilian in order to attack the kaiju. It wasn't some accident; he made his decision and followed through." Yuliana shakes her head, hand dropping back down. "Now, whether that makes things better or markedly worse is a matter I leave to you, Administrator. I'll leave my own ethical judgements out of it."
(She hasn't, of course. She involved them the moment she made a point of Eisen making a decision. That she frames it in such way that it makes him look so much worse is... interesting, isn't it?)
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Eisen's always been troublesome in his own way. It's recently that he's been more troubled, though--and it's rare for him or anyone to be more troublesome than the Second Child. Kaworu's privy to the report of Eisen's drop in sync ratio during the kaiju battle that's sparked this meeting, and he's not surprised to see him come in sullen, distant, and uncommunicative. It's good at least, from a diplomatic standpoint, that he puts his datapad down while Yuliana says her piece.
Yuliana herself, though...
That great emptiness, that psychic snow, that abominable yawning void that follows her around is quite unmistakable. Kaworu has felt its traces now and then since he arrived on Earth back in January, but it was so small, and he's had other things to worry about. Now... Now, it's quite literally walking into his office.
In a word, it's distracting.
For now, Kaworu looks down at the file she drops on his desk, then up at her, expression--not exactly neutral, not really impassive; perhaps unyielding is the best word. He maintains it for both of them as Yuliana launches into her complaint, listening quietly and closely as he does.
At the end of it, he simply states, "I see." (He sees a great deal.) He at last picks up the file and thumbs through it. It might seem as though he's only giving a cursory look through, given how quickly he turns the pages, but rest assured he's read it quite thoroughly, enough to know that Yuliana has given an accurate, if judgmental (despite what else she says), summary. When he's done, he looks up at Eisen. "Eisen Daiwel, what do you have to say about this?"
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Eisen calmly listens, remaining utterly silent during Yuliana's chilled expression on what had occurred. In fact, he's remarkably calm around her. Not in that 'playing cool' kind of way, but rather in a manner that clearly would display to Yuliana that this youth hasn't an ounce of NewType about him.
His right eye, mechanical in nature, whirrs for a moment as Yuliana finishes, and he swipes something away on the datapad.
"Hmm? Well, she's right." He answers Kaworu, sitting up. "I flagrantly attacked the entity that joined the magic Kaiju user - in order to get at the Kaiju itself." He remarks, "Where using the puncturing jaws of my Evangelion are apparently too much, but using beam weapons and explosions are otherwise okay."
He then flicks the datapad on the desk, showing a small video of the Civilian in question willingly getting onto the Kaiju. A few views of Minae and Lin Xiahe pleasantly interacting.
A shot of one of the 'controlled Savages' showing a sign indicating 'BC-001 MINAE' and for her 'not to get squished'. "The unknown Kaiju user was clearly familiar with this civilian on a name basis. And seeing her climb up on the Kaiju willingly meant I had to assume she was an accomplice. As she could easily have retreated."
He then looks towards Yuliana. "As such, I made the assessment that the R-E-A Captain was incorrect in their assessment. And that this was not a Civilian, but a Co-Conspirator. Especially as they claimed she was being 'held'. Which suggested that she did not have a good sightline on the situation and was merely assuming. And that this misinformation bubbled out to the other Federation officers. Misinformation after all, is common on the battlefield." With this subtle shift in his voice suggesting 'especially when the REA is involved'.
He turns back to Kaworu. "As for my use of force. I was assaulting the Kaiju - just like a large portion of the battlefield group. And the systems of the Evangelion were clearly being interfered with, and even being damaged, by the unknown 'magical' ice. I had to assume that this would create a disproportionate effect on the harbor area as well. After all, the delivery mechanism was in the form of a mist."
He leaves the datapad there and slips one leg from one side to the other. It seems Eisen is doubling down on this matter. Yet still, almost passionlessly, he adds; "However, if my assessment of the situation was incorrect. I will of course accept the repurcusions."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
Unyielding? An interesting reaction, if not a completely unexpected one. Some of those people do take shelter in defiance.
Oh -- and about the complaint, as well, of course.
Yuliana is quite comfortable in her assessment of what Kaworu is and how much she hates him, immediately; despite their current location, she has no reason to assume he's anything but another of those Awakened children. Eisen -- who gives her no such impression -- is the person Yuliana dislikes less, in this meeting, despite her aims.
Kaworu claims to see, and Yuliana's brow twitches in a light frown, as he seems to treat the evidence so lightly. (She is, yes, giving quite the judgmental impression here. It is deliberate.) Her attention slides to Eisen, smoothly, as Kaworu offers him the floor.
When Eisen looks to Yuliana, she raises her brow -- silently indicating he should continue.
"My, my," Yuliana says, finally -- and keeps the amusement from her tone, if not, entirely, from the shape of her vocabulary. "You've done quite a lot of work with that word, haven't you? To say someone is 'held'... think about what that could mean." She tilts her head, in an askance nod. "I fear you are the one who assumed the situation. I reported that there was a civilian on the kaiju; that you made decisions about her moral culpability is, I fear, entirely on you."
(Is it?)
"I have knowledge of the target myself," Yuliana doesn't bother hiding it -- the recorded data clearly shows her recognising Xiahe, and Eisen was there, after all. "More likely than a conspiracy is the fact that the target saw a civilian on the ground and invited her to a place she felt was more protected. You'll find this thesis supported by the target's later insistence that she evacuated the area. If I felt that the affected civilian was a valid target rather than collateral, I would certainly have informed the defending forces."
She spreads a hand, as she indicates: "All that aside, you'll find that at the time of your pilot's attack, those defenders were largely focused on disabling the remote-piloted Arm Slaves, rather than engaging the kaiju directly. You'll further find that the attacks which followed didn't orient on the kaiju fully until the civilian was delivered to Captain York's cockpit."
And, of course, Yuliana never attacked the kaiju directly in the first place. That's probably fine.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu listens to Eisen too as he makes his own statement and defense. His gaze goes down to the presented video; when it's done, he regards Eisen and Yuliana both. Eisen's low-grade contempt towards Yuliana is fairly clear, as are the reasons for it. Yuliana doesn't seem pleased by either of them--but who can say if that is sincere? (Kaworu can't say he's overly fond of her either, based on initial impressions. But this in particular... ...well, there's no need to get into that.)
Yuliana admits to knowing the target, and offers her own assessment of her behavior based on this familiarity. "Hmm," Kaworu murmurs. He looks back down at the datapad when Eisen leaves it on his desk, picking it up with his uninjured left hand, and re-reviews the video.
"Your description of the flow of battle does seem to be accurate, Captain Dispersal," he says. He looks up at Eisen, expression continuing to be neutral. "Pilot Daiwel, I understand why you made the decision you made, and I believe that you acted in good faith that the targets were genuine threats.
"However, I must state emphatically to you that Evangelions are not to be used against non-kaiju targets. Even if you genuinely thought that civilian was a co-conspirator--even if the kaiju was being controlled by a kaiju user--you should have demonstrated more restraint."
He offers the datapad back to him, playing other fighters' more restrained aim. "Other combatants may well have used beam weaponry and explosives, but they took more care in their aim and how they engaged. That's something you should keep in mind as well in situations such as these, especially when there is room for doubt. Captain Dispersal may well have been incorrect in what she told the rest of the combatants--" a very polite way of saying 'she might have been in on the conspiracy' "--but it's your responsibility as a pilot to hold back until you're certain. Some mistakes, you cannot undo."
All that said, he rests his left hand on the desk and regards Yuliana. "Since you insisted on taking this complaint directly to me rather than trusting NERV to sort out this matter internally, you must have something in mind for our pilot," he observes. "What sort of disciplinary action did you want to suggest for him, Captain?"
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
"Be that as it may." Eisen does jump in when Yuliana mentions the other ways one could interpret 'held', "It seems that all others interpretted your words as the term 'Hostage'. So I am going to assume here that my own interpretation of your own words aligned with the mass majority of those present."
"I never mentioned a conspiracy however. Merely a battlefield misunderstanding." He adds. "And unlike yourself, I am going to assume none of the others present had this intimate knowledge of the Kaiju User. So unless you wish for me to assume that you believed everyone should simply know their modus operandi - which seems rather short sighted - better communication may have been afforded at the time."
He then turns towards Kaworu. "Regardless. At the time, I did not have information about the Kaiju user - using unknown means to steal from civilian property. They were told to halt. They didn't. Attempts to arrest were clearly being rejected. And you do not bring a Kaiju and twelve Arm Slaves if you are not wanting to be a threat."
He quiets however, when Kaworu begins to speak up. Listening to him with this firm, almost rebellious look. Biting his bottom lip a bit when stating that Evangelions are not to be used against non-Kaiju targets. "I disagree with that assessment based on previous deployment requests. We are paired with the GGG when dealing with the new threat after all." He points out. Still, that isn't really what Kaworu means. And Eisen knows that. "If a Kaiju user is on top of a Kaiju, it makes it really difficult for an anti-Kaiju weapon to not harm them. If I jostle the Kaiju, they might fall off and die just from the fall. And how are they any different from a soldier firing a cockpit block during battle? Who knows how many humans Asuka has killed by now. Why should Kaiju users be afforded different rights?"
He runs his hand through his hair. 'Any of those shots from the other combattants could have easily hit the enemy simply due to a misalignment.' He thinks to himself, but doesn't bring it up. He doesn't believe in a perfect battlefield where 'well aimed shots' always hit.
A huff leaves him. Relenting a bit; "But very well - I will attempt to show more 'restraint'." Though restraint is hardly his aesthetics.
At the suggestion that some outside source might decide disciplinary actions however, has his expression harden immediately. His teeth grinding a bit.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
It is very polite, and as a matter of politeness, Yuliana allows Kaworu's statement about her motivations to stand. She is quite, quite cordial. She even listens to Eisen's protests, attentively, and without interruption.
"It is true that you have quite the difficult task," she remarks, in some measure of conciliation. "Since those controlling kaiju are infrequently in cockpits of their own. But NERV employs only the best, no?" Or... is Eisen not up to the task? This is a question she leaves entirely to implication, the hollowed-out impression of where doubt ought to go.
She smiles, when Kaworu makes his observation about whether she had something in mind. She does, of course; she achieved it the moment she was escorted in. Having gone out of her way to prepare this paperwork and visit personally -- to reach out to Londo Bell for her fellow Captain's statements -- Yuliana has demonstrated a personal commitment to the safety of civilians in general and to the Ra Mari's counselor in particular.
The confusion she sows is incidental to Eisen. It could have been anyone. All she needed was a moral win in order to confuse her opponents -- sorry, her allies.
She makes no remark on that confusion -- the idea that she implied, without committing, that Xiahe had taken a hostage. She certainly couldn't have guessed that someone would take it in this direction... but it's been quite a boon, to her. She would have been satisfied with demonstrating that she was concerned with civilians being held (against their will, implicitly, and unspoken); now, she gets to demonstrate how much she disapproves of this kind of force.
It isn't really fair; neither is the amusement she wrings from it. Eisen's suspicions about the REA being misleading are not nearly as misplaced as Yuliana might imply.
She says nothing of it.
"Since your man is struggling so much with the concept of misunderstandings and appropriate force, I would personally recommend he see to his fellows' force deployment paperwork for the rest of the month. A spot of justifying the use of force may enlighten him as to the nuances." Really, it's not the worst punishment she could have dreamed up for him -- she is career military, she has plenty of experience telling cadets to clean the wanzers by hand -- but it fits well with the profile Yuliana fit during that battle, someone who complained about paperwork.
Yuliana pauses, and adds: "By the way -- despite the complaints the Pilot has listed about... Langley, was it? I would point out that she kept a remarkable composition throughout the battle, considering the circumstances. She demonstrated an understanding of discouraging force, and committed no grave escalations herself. I'll offer her my formal congratulations for her part in the skirmish, Administrator."
Asuka... was the exemplar NERV Child and not the problem..?
Maybe that's the surest hint that something is wrong with Yuliana, even leaving aside the horrible void.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu's gaze flicks from Eisen to Yuliana and back as the former interrupts the latter to point out that she wasn't wholly clear about what she told everyone. He doesn't interrupt, however--and when Eisen protests his assessment, he listens calmly, even consideringly. He does not, however, engage any of his points. He does at least nod in acknowledgement when Eisen huffs and agrees to show restraint. He doesn't outwardly acknowledge Eisen's clear rebellion at the idea of someone outside of NERV deciding his punishment, instead regarding Yuliana as he awaits her response. He says nothing about NERV's employment practices, nor about her smile when he asks what she has in mind.
"I see. That doesn't seem unreasonable. I'll take your suggestion under consideration," Kaworu replies, which is not in any way a commitment to actually using it. "Is that all?"
It is not all. It turns out that Yuliana has explicit praise for Asuka. This is the first time that Kaworu's expression shifts, and only slightly--a downward pull of one side of his mouth. It returns to stony a moment later. "I see. I'll be sure to pass that along, Captain.
"Incidentally, Captain, I did review the communication data from Pilot Daiwel's unit before this meeting. It sounded as though, at the time, your chief complaint against him was that he employed force against a civilian 'where Federation officers could see it,'" he states. "I'll refrain from speculating on what sort of things you do where Federation officers cannot see, but whatever game you're trying to play here, I'd ask you kindly to keep NERV personnel out of it in the future.
"Now, if you have nothing further to submit, I need to discuss matters with 'my man' in private," Kaworu concludes. "Good day to you, Captain Dispersal. Rest assured I'll be in touch with Captain York about this incident as well."
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Kaworu might have expected some bluster. At least an incredulous 'Oh?' from the Chuuni 'youth'. Though, youth is somewhat of a strange statement, were one to look at Eisen's physical shape.
He instead, doesn't answer when he's asked if NERV employees only the best. Eisen is normally pretty competitive, at least, out loud. His piloting style usually suggests otherwise.
So to get silence for any kind of statement about his skills as a pilot is probably a worse indicator of his mental state than the lack of his usual flair for the theatrics. It has appeared to be a point of pride for him in the past.
He grabs the datapad back again when Kaworu is done with it, and grabs his stylus again. Swiping away the battle data for the time being and making a quick few notes. It looks like rather complicated circuit board designs, right next to biological formulas. Just a few quick notes, then he puts it back down on his lap.
Clearly, he'd been unable to let go of his work, even while talking. Or something had inspired a thought. Whatever it may be, he seems unable to stop himself from expressing that thought as soon as he can. Even if he doesn't do it out loud.
"I'll do paperwork if that is what you want me to waste me time on." Eisen mumbles to Kaworu, after Yuliana suggests it. Catching on to the 'I will keep that in consideration' - but wisely at least shutting up about it.
As Langley then gets called out as exemplar, a small smile of all things quirks at the edge of his lips. The pad gets turned to sleep mode for the time being, and he sits upright and looks towards Yuliana.
The polite thing would probably be to at least shake her hand. But instead, he remains seated. It feels 'safer'.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
Yuliana actually laughs, when Kaworu brings up that he reviewed the communication data -- soft and melodious, and all veiled by her fingers, lifting to cover her lips. "Yes, do take care not to speculate," she insists, with amusement. "After all, I was making an attempt to reach Pilot Daiwel on the level he appeared to be operating on. I didn't estimate that he valued civilian life at the time, so I offered him a justification which might suit his mindset better... these are field management strategies you will learn as you advance your own rank, Administrator." He would, shakily, be considered a lieutenant, after all.
She smiles, fingers curling at her chin. "Nevertheless, I will be sure not to meddle in NERV's indiscretions in future, presuming they remain outside my sphere of concern." A pause, and she adds: "You'll address these issues thoughtfully, after all, I'm sure. I have nothing but esteem for NERV's potential." She doesn't much care, really, but she makes the appearance of caring very much.
"Very good. Good day to you, Administrator Nagisa," she nods, before she orients her attention on Eisen again. With the smile of a peacemaker, she says: "I consider the matter settled, Pilot. Good luck in the future." She won't press him to shake his hand if he isn't comfortable with it, but she tells him that much, regardless.
Yuliana rises from the chair, and leaves; she's polite enough to wait for an escort, if she should expect one, but she won't linger in the building either way.
She puts forward her own report to Londo Bell, shortly, to let Captain York know the complaint was submitted and Kaworu was aware of his pilot's indiscretions. It includes her sympathy over the incident.
It does not include the expression she wears as she types it up.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu eyes Eisen for a moment at his own return to silence. He doesn't respond to his petulant mumbled response to Yuliana's suggestion, but he does watch him. He's been watching the both quite closely this entire time. With such a distracting thing in the room, he has to tune in and focus.
In the same way, when Yuliana laughs and presents her reasoning, Kaworu eyes her in turn. "I see. So that's your justification." He doesn't specify on what, nor does he respond to her commentary on NERV's indiscretions, potential, or what he'll be doing about it. It does seem as though the message was received, though, as she declares the matter resolved to her satisfaction and leaves without further trouble. She is indeed escorted out; the escort is nothing if polite to her.
For his part, Kaworu watches her go, unmoving and unmoved. He remains silent until she's out of the building, neither dismissing Eisen nor seemingly acknowledging him. However, once Yuliana *is* gone, Kaworu finally observes, stare still on the door--or rather, a point well beyond it-- "It seems she's satisfied as long as she thinks she's gotten her way."
Then, finally, he turns his gaze to his fellow Evangelion pilot. Unlike before, his eyes are softened, and his eyebrows furrow in and up a hair. "Now that that unpleasantness is gone... Eisen Daiwel. What's wrong with you?"
Despite the harshness of the phrasing, one look at its face, one listen to his tone, makes it clear that this is concern, not censure.
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Eisen calmly nods towards Yuliana, though he doesn't make eyecontact this time. "Good luck." He seems to almost distractedly answer her.
Waiting for the door to click closed, and then turning towards Kaworu. The administrator. The chamber remaining silent. Time passing. The youth eventually turning on the datapad again while Kaworu waits, and he goes over a few last notes for tomorrow.
Then, the administator speaks.
Looking at the datapad still, Eisen casually and instinctively just says; "Nothing. I'm fine." On being asked what's wrong with him. "Don't worry about..." Slowly looking up, and being caught in that gaze.
Eisen almost grimaces a bit, failing to make eyecontact again, and instead looks down at the datapad.
He remains silent for a good while. Though his hands are not moving. Just staring at that datapad, as if it held answers. From an outsider's perspective, it might seem like he's giving Kaworu the silent treatment.
About two minutes of silence in, he remarks; "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just thinking." Realizing that he should interact.
Eisen normally thinks fast. But Kaworu has learned by now that actually connecting with people isn't his forte.
Five minutes into the silence, he finally turns the datapad off, and sighs. "I don't know." That's a lot of time for a 'I do not know'. "This isn't how it should be." He then adds. "I trained years of my life to combat Kaiju, so that I would not turn out like the three-thousand-five-hundred-and-twelve before me." A statement that sounds like something a Chuuni would say. But he's being dead serious. And perhaps Kaworu and one other in NERV would understand why he says this. What that number means.
He finally looks up towards Kaworu, making eyecontact again and remarks; "I am frustrated. I prepared for particular types of engagements - battling Kaiju. I prepared for interacting with the other Children. But now I am suddenly dealing with people who want to spare Kaiju amongst our own organization. With Civilians intentionally getting in the way. And I do not know how to adjust for this eventuality. It's like a timeline diverged... and somewhere I made the wrong decision, and I'm now too far along some Divergence Value."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Luckily for Eisen, Kaworu is very patient. He continues to watch him steadily as he at first tries to dismiss his concerns; then falls into silence; then admits he's thinking; and finally turns off his datapad and starts talking about his feelings. All five minutes of that silence. A normal person would find that agonizing in its awkwardness--but neither of them are normal, are they.
"It's all right. Take your time," Kaworu replies when Eisen tells him he's not ignoring him. Three minutes later, when Eisen admits he doesn't know, Kaworu nods once. Still watching; still listening; with an effortless, easy patience to pair with his concern. He nods again at the mention of the number, eyes flickering with a certain understanding. Eisen isn't the only one in the position like the one he's in.
His mouth slants into a rueful diagonal when Eisen speaks of a divergent timeline, but it's a smile of sympathy, whether Eisen recognizes that or not. He nods one last time. "It can be difficult, dealing with unexpected changes," he replies with the air of similar experience. "You were raised with the expectation that your existence would be one way. Now, time and time again, you encounter those who defy those expectations both in and out of NERV. It's only natural that you would be frustrated."
He leans forward a little, setting his elbow on the desk and his cheek on his good hand. "What do you think of how you have reacted to these things so far? And what do you think of how others have reacted to you?"
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Eisen's right eye continues to whirr within the moments of silence. As if it were trying to find something. Yet, the youth isn't looking for anything physical at this time.
Still, he doesn't miss that rueful look in Kaworu's expression at the mention of divergence. Though his decision patterns leave much to be desired, he is perceptive. Just... differently so.
"How I've reacted to these things? I try to accept them as they come. I don't think anyone is expected to change their thinking on a dime." He remarks, suggesting that he's only really thinking of the two battle situations that have come up recently. The youth is not so much expanding the scope of that thinking to other subjects. "I think the issue is more the fact that... I do not see myself <wanting> to change certain things." It's not even a matter of 'need'. "I am comfortable with the role I gave myself."
"As for others... others have responded... in a way that shows that their thinking is different from mine." He can't really put it in better words than that, though he does attempt to add; "Impatience, in some cases. Exasperation in others."
He leans back, and tries to relax a bit. "I'm used to those looks. Those words. How could I not be, right?" He asks Kaworu, smiling a bit while reaching up and tapping that eye of his. "With what I am." What, rather then who.
"What about you?" He then asks. "What do you see when you look at this man before you?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
What is Eisen searching for? Does he himself know? Kaworu wonders.
"That certainly is an issue. If you have no desire for change, you will not change. If you are comfortable with the world you currently inhabit, no amount of disciplinary action or punishment will move you out of it," he agrees. "Assigning you extra paperwork as punishment would, as you said, be a waste of time."
The rest... Kaworu nods. It may be an inelegant way of putting it, but Eisen sees the truth of it: others thing differently from him. He acts as though he's fine with it, saying that he's used to it, but...
"I don't see a man. I see a child, like me," Kaworu replies bluntly, unbothered by how Eisen taps his own eye. "You may have been made to mature in various ways, but there are certain things you simply cannot understand until you experience them for yourself. And before those experiences can have meaning for you, you must open your heart to them."
He sits up a little straighter, then leans back a hair, hand slipping to the edge of his desk. "During Shinji's birthday party, you approached me asking me to help you understand him. When I asked why you were interested, you lashed out, then retreated, even though it was you who approached me. Why?" He pauses a beat. "You don't need to answer that here and now. But I do want you to think about it. I want you to consider what it is you want out of those around you--without closing off your heart.
"If you conclude that you have no interest in forming connections with others, then we have nothing more to discuss. You will be assigned paperwork as your punishment, and we will consider this topic closed. However, if you decide you are interested--if you want help in understanding others--then I will do what I can to find help for you." He smiles his usual crooked, easygoing smile. "I already have someone in mind. And I think you'll find working with her much more enriching than writing reports."
His smile fades. "However, it's ultimately up to you. You cannot change if you have no desire to change," he repeats. A beat. "I know you have your lecture tomorrow. As such, I'd like your sincere answer sometime after then. Understood?"
<Pose Tracker> Eisen Daiwel has posed.
Eisen's expression darkens a bit as Kaworu mentions his lack of desire to change being an issue. And in a ways, it is. The youth is still shaken enough from what happened that there's currently some 'room' to change. Or perhaps it should be said, that he recognizes that perhaps he should change. But that is only a first step.
The young man can't help but be amused when Kaworu says the same thing he'd been expecting. He sees a child. "Maybe." He remarks when Kaworu says he doesn't have the experience. He's not wrong. He's got experience forming bonds, but they were always more... familial yet remote.
Perhaps the reason that he gets along better with Alouette than anyone else. Or perhaps there's something else there.
"But... I want to clear something up. Because somewhere, I think there was a miscommunication. Those experiences do have meaning to me. I... have been trying to open my heart." He grumbles, not really enjoying that he's admitting this. But it seems important to Kaworu. Which perhaps should show this fact on its own. Eisen normally doesn't open up like this. It would have been so easy to have just gone 'this is not a problem' and requested to leave.
Then, a small shake of his head. "I didn't lash out. I was... frustrated. I was trying to understand Shinji. It's clear that something was going on with him. I couldn't understand him. I still don't - not really. You're the person who seems most in tune with peoples' emotions. So to come to learn that even you cannot connect or help sometimes... was a frustrating revalation." Eisen explains to Kaworu. It seems that Eisen did some thinking on that already, as it comes out rather readily.
He lifts his hand to his chest for a moment, and lets out a sigh of frustration. "People are hard." Repeating something he said before.
"The thing I am not interested so much in, is changing my world view. My personality. The amount of people who have wanted me to change, to stop..." He kind of gestures at himself. His labcoat. A shake of his head. "I hope that'll do for a sincere enough answer for now." He then adds, as he gets up and takes a deep breath. He's still out of sorts, or he'd probably flare his labcoat or something at least while getting up.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
They are, after all, children--as well as Children. Having a grown-up body doesn't change that. For all that Eisen was made to mature, and for all that Kaworu's own experiences are layered far deeper than any normal human's, true adulthood is a long way off for both of them.
"You have?" Kaworu wonders, eyes growing wide. It looks like he did have a misunderstanding of Eisen... He's not someone he's encountered often, even with all the times he's cycled. Still, he nods, eyebrows now high and thoughtful. Eisen might not like admitting this, but at least Kaworu won't need to be told twice. After that initial moment of surprise, he accepts this with ease. Thus: "I see. I'm sorry for misunderstanding."
He doesn't contradict Eisen on having lashed out. He accepts that it wasn't his intent, now that the other Child explains himself like this. His crooked smile returns, and he nods. "People are hard," he agrees. "I have more difficulty understanding others's feelings than you might realize."
That smile becomes a faint chuckle when Eisen then explains exactly what about himself he's comfortable with, that he doesn't want to change. "In that case, I wouldn't ask you to. I enjoy your unique outlook on life," Kaworu replies. "Lilim are wonderful because they are individuals, and you express your individuality marvelously."
The other Child stands, expressing his hope. "It does," he confirms. "We'll discuss the details of your 'discipline' tomorrow after your lecture. Until then... take care of yourself, Eisen Daiwel."