2022-07-02: The Magician of Want
- Log: The Magician of Want
- Cast:Rei Ayanami, Shota Hebikura
- Where: Manyoso temporary housing facility (formerly Manyoso Resort), Tokyo-3 outskirts
- Date: 2022-07-02
- Summary: Someone a lot less straightforward than Guy Shishioh visits Rei Ayanami and asks several illuminating questions.
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
The Manyoso Hotel and Onsen is a low-set hotel structure located in the outer defensive ring suburbs of the Tokyo-3 city center, more towards the Yugawara side of things. Two floors of guest rooms are primarily used for visiting technical or mid-ranking official personnel; the hotel itself is in fact a secured location, having been purchased by the Tokyo-3 municipal authority four years ago, commandeered during the preparation phases for Operation Yashima, and never... returned.
But it's still a hotel.
It's just that it has two layers of security fencing and only one point of access, as well as a rather swiftly-built electric tram spur going to the nearest station that feeds into Tokyo-3's legally-perfect train grid. You have to transfer and walk twenty yards, but it's sheltered.
Anyway:
Rei Ayanami is in the north wing of the hotel, which has been fully secured, although of the 14 affected rooms, she is at this point the only person who remains present. (There had been neighbors for a couple of days, but that's neither here nor there; fabrication crew leads and so forth.)
Access involves several layers of checkpoints, although actual NERV officers mostly just have to swipe a card. This part, at least, has been true since Operation Yashima. Can't be too careful... especially these days.
The door (N202) is weighty, with a realistic wood veneer. There is a small bag of trash set just outside, probably for housekeeping to collect. The floor is a carpet. Like most mid-tier hotels, it feels oddly muffled.
There is a faint smell of instant noodles. The strong-smelling kind - perhaps with extra garlic.
She's close.
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
It would be easier if there weren't so many barriers between people. It would be easier if people understood each other, without complication. Since this was not a world like that, 'Shota Hebikura' had to bear the tiresome weight of being a person.
At the third ID checkpoint, last before entering the hotel hallway, Hebikura slides his hands into the pockets of his jumpsuit-uniform, ignoring the repetitive process of his completely legitimate ID being interrogated, again. He doesn't smile at this set of guards, or any previous, because he had long learned the complete seriousness that SEELE selected for among its personnel. A focus on the task.
Accepting his ID back and moving through the checkpoint into the hall, he paces to the bags of garbage, frowns lightly, and then works the handle.
"Miss Ayanami?" He announces loudly, hitting the mih-ss hard for a native Japanese speaker. "It's Captain Hebikura, of STORAGE. Are you able to speak, now, or do you need some time to--" Leaving and coming back later rises and is dismissed out of hand. No. Not the checkpoints again. "--prepare yourself, that's fine."
"I'm here on behalf of my coworker, and your section leader." Administrator Kaworu.
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
The door is locked.
A name is called.
Silence for four seconds.
If Hebikura is of a mind to do so he can tell that Rei came closer even though it is likely impossible to actually, definitively, tell... if you're a regular person.
A deadbolt clicks.
A chain rattles.
Something lower on the door goes 'tump'.
The door opens eight centimeters, allowing a familiar slice of the designated pilot of Evangelion Unit 00 to reveal herself. (The interior of the hotel room is dark. The instant-noodles-and-garlic smell is somewhat stronger.) Rei is wearing a orange tank-top of some kind, and shorts that are either light gray, or white and in need of laundering after a day of activity.
"I can speak," Rei says. "One moment."
The door closes.
Click!
Now it opens all the way, and Rei -- having pulled it open enough to briefly latch -- stands in the pool of light coming inside. The room behind her is dark, but it can be vaguely told that there is a desk lamp on... something. There's a bed. It's a hotel room that normally has two twin beds, in Japan, so it's not exactly voluminous. Getting in past Rei will require a little ooching.
"Is the Administrator recovering?"
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
Hebikura stands there, and stares at the door, and observes... A pattern, repeating itself again. A latch at the door, a crack, the garbage set out in the common space, and--
She stands at the door, and Hebikura helplessly stands there, expecting a motion and finding none. His eyes track slowly to the door, and then back to Rei with a snap, and then he smiles, professional and fake.
"I appreciate you taking the time. The Administrator should make a recovery. . ." His professional smile fades. "To the best of my knowledge." A shrug, casual and open, and Hebikura crosses his arms in the doorframe, leaning more comfortably his back-foot and remaining steady. "I can't order his medical status unsealed, but if it wasn't for Shishioh and Ikari," Shinji. "the situation would have been worse."
Composing himself, with a lidding of the eyes, as if to deliver terrible news, he places a hand on the door and opens his eyes. "Rei, there was an attempt on your superior's life, and several people were hurt. I'm not here to brief you. I am here because I wanted to check in on you - since my co-worker is incapable."
If Kaworu had touched no-one, and had remained alone and aloof, he wouldn't have had as many timely allies. Would he have survived?
Hebikura looks up into the dark room, over Rei's head. "Were you. . . sleeping?" He asks, with a tone that implies he smells the garlic and is asking rhetorically.
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Rei watches Hebikura. Her expression has a faint cast of imploring as he lingers there. She wants information.
It isn't quite forthcoming, other than a fact she knows, but which, perhaps, is... not unpleasant to hear again. She blinks several times, and then says --
Nothing, though she was about to do so.
Rei looks over her shoulder.
"... I was eating," Rei says. "I have to eat when I take medicine." A beat.
She seems to be struggling with something, even if her arms are crossing now, loosely. Her shoulders slump inwards. She half-turns away from Hebikura and says, "... What are you checking for?"
Fortunately, that extra-garlic smell doesn't seem to be steadily worsening... which makes Rei's tastes in instant ramen, at least, in the spectrum of 'normal'. Indeed, a specific KIND can be determined here -- shoyu ramen, and it's a relatively upscale kind, in so far as instant ramen can be upscale. There were like, *three* little plastic packets in it.
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
As the commander of STORAGE, Shota Hebikura cannot, professionally, reveal the details of Kaworu. As the man in front of Rei Ayanami...
"If they recovers, Rei, they will be the Kaworu who survived an assassination attempt. Different than who you knew, but similar. I expect that person to return to you."
Hebikura's expression narrows for a moment, self-chiding tisking and looking away, over his shoulder and back down the hall. "I'm not your normal commander, so - I'm improvising." He speaks, sidemouth, while watching security instead of Rei. Haruki was much easier to guide. Throw on ground until he got tired, give him a tip, send him off to clean up.
Pleading-eyed girls. . .
Turning back to Rei, Hebikura points into the nearly-unlit room. Checking for, checking for... "Do you prefer the dark? While eating or otherwise." A beat. Hebikura has a hard time for his own reasons, standing in the doorframe rather than pressing in uninvited.
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Several things are revealed to Rei.
One is a different way of considering Kaworu Nagisa. Rei frowns - not in anger, and it's very slight, but this close and looking at her, Hebikura can more easily see the ghostly motions of expression on an otherwise impassive face. Obscurely, this seems to increase his stature in her eyes.
He looks outside. Rei tilts her head.
She visualizes the scenario. A shape. Her, there. Hebikura. Past - ah, she thinks. Security.
He points inside.
Oh, but it's a question. Rei looks over her shoulder.
"..."
"..."
"..."
Rei reaches over to click on the light.
It's a hotel room!
After this, Rei walks inside. She collects her bowl of noodles from -- something -- and points, looking back to Hebikura. "Sit there," she says, which is an invitation alright, and then goes to sit on her bed. There isn't much noodle left, it seems; about two mouthfuls.
She answers the question, perhaps elliptically. "I never tried it."
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
Moving quickly through spaces caused painful ripples. A slower pace simply had to be accepted. Translating into people's lives was swift, but what did hurry gain?
A gesture, a question, and patience earned him the same.
The light comes on: and Hebikura is surprised-but-not-shocked to find an empty hotel room, the 'ah, it's empty' playing across his face in a considering fall as he moves - bidden and accepting - to --
Hebikura looks at the bed that Rei sits on, considers the prospect of sitting on any part of the bed, imagines the scene with disgust, and moves to the desk chair instead.
'I never tried it.' Hebikura smiles, chin falling with the slip of his right bang from behind his ear. For a moment he silently chuckles, then looks up at Rei, standing up quickly to rotate the chair about and sit backwards on it instead, arms across the back and chin on his forearms. "Eating is a special thing, on Earth." A distant smile, and a memory, comes to him. "I have heard that the visual aspect of food is very important, here. That food is as much imagination as sensation. So, how was eating in the dark?"
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Hebikura sits on the chair. It may seem a little small - it is a folding chair, and the actual sitting part isn't that big, since it's one of those slim ones with a round seat instead of a comfortable, any-butt-compatible square.
Rei blinks once at what Hebikura says.
She looks at the empty bowl of noodles.
"The taste," Rei says. "The fermentation and salt. Mixing with the fat engulfing the noodles; the sharp taste of the garlic. Sharp." Rei says. More quietly; "Sharp."
"I have tried to cook," Rei continues, "but it's not possible here."
Why? Because -- there's a petite little microwave, suitable for many instant type dinners or for reheating a bento box or something, or perhaps a carafe of liquid. There's a little electric kettle, since you might want to make tea or coffee. But there's no oven. No stove.
Even the refrigerator is small.
Rei glances to the side, as if seeing the rest of the room in a (literal!) different light.
She looks back to Hebikura. "Are you from space?"
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
"Sharp." Hebikura repeats, and tilts his head. Then, with a snort of a laugh that cracks a crooked smile across Hebikura's lips, the man sits back and lets his arms drop. "Did you want a strong flavor? Look for something bold and drawing, to have an opinion on?"
Knowingly, Hebikura tilts his head - now the opposite way, the opposite kind of crooked - and catches himself with a clear of the throat. He brushes back the little fore-bit of hair and his professionalism returns. "I agree, your accommodations seem... temporary. Part of maintaining readiness is health, and rest."
A softening, from the shoulders. "And trying to live a small life isn't... terrible."
'Are you from space?' The crooked smile returns, and Hebikura leans forward again, hands on knees. "Relative to Earth, yes. But not in the sense of some. I was a... warrior, from a planet with a great judgemental mountain of rock to climb."
"I climbed it. I was judged. My story goes on from there, a long time ago."
"Are you from space, Rei Ayanami?"
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
The question feels oblique to Rei. She considers it even way. She doesn't seem in any hurry to answer, but she does.
"I like garlic," Rei says. "Strong flavors are pleasant." Pleasant seems to come to her easily as a term. She puts the chopsticks in the bowl and sets it aside. They're disposable, all of them.
Rei seems to understand Hebikura's second statement, or at least does not ask for clarity.
The next question, though.
"No. I wanted to go to the Moon. The Administrator discussed it with me. I have been to Orbit Base; no further."
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
The silence stretches, Hebikura moving to watch and consider the subtle girl on the bed. His words were honest in the way that he was asked, direct and yet...
She isn't. Hebikura's curiousity increases, though once more he has to fill air. "Kaworu asked direct questions, too. We met, his idea, and he spoke to me at some short length about the way things were. I cautioned him, to not..."
Delicate, the words come out with a click of the tongue on teeth. "Skip the pleasant parts. I took for granted that he had an intent behind skipping past it all."
Hebikura gets up, from his chair, moving to the tiny electric kettle and beginning to fiddle with it, checking the water before setting the contents to boil. "Now? Mmm. The Administrator came from the moon, and asked quickly. You, the pilot from the Earth, waited and saw, and asked slowly."
Turning from his one-kneed crouch, Hebikura looks at Rei up on the bed. "What will you do, when you go to the Moon?"
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Direct questions?
Rei blinks several times.
Jealousy? Why do I envy him?
Rei looks towards Hebikura as he rises and walks over to investigate the kettle. It still has a lot of water in it - Rei presumably filled it all the way, then only took what was needed for her noodles. There is a box with a couple of hospitality-grade green tea bags nearby. One has already been opened, the packet left there.
He looks at her; he asks a question.
Rei looks at her disposable noodle bowl.
Thought.
Silence.
"I don't know," Rei says.
But not JUST that.
"I watch the Moon whenever I can," Rei says. "I think it is beautiful. The Administrator told me that the Earth is more beautiful yet, as seen from the Moon. I would like to see it. I have heard the stars are still, and that far, far more of them can be seen. I would like to see that. I know that there are cities upon the Moon as well, protected as the colonies are, but beneath domes instead of great cylinders."
Another second or two passes.
"... Skipping past it all." No - that was a question.
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
Enough water for tea and some extra. Enough bags for tea, and one broken-in. The 'of course'-es stack up, but none of the lived in realities beyond the bare facts. The impression of living - a flat stool rather than a contoured space.
Hebikura splits two green tea packets open from their plastic and foil wrappers between the same thumb and forefinger, the same tearing action, and divides the contents among cups while squatting there, by the kettle.
"You don't know." He repeats, after Rei is done, before sitting back, on the floor of Rei's beyond-spartan hotel room, without even unpacking into it. As if she was leaving, and not staying. Un-normal, liminal.
"But you can imagine it. I agree - the Moon is beautiful." "If you want a taste of Earth's beauty, when you tire of watching the moon, stay to be greeted by the sky at dawn."
Arm braced behind him, Hebikura sprawls there, on Rei's floor, waiting for the pot he watches to boil, unhurried. "Reaching the answer at the end, the conclusion, because you see only the value in the message, the ending, is a narrow way to live. Barely-living."
'I want to try cooking', Rei had said. "You can skip past conversations by choosing to ask your ultimate question first. You can skip past moments by choosing to do nothing, and waiting." Rolling his head to look back up at Rei again, catching her eyes, Hebikura's lopsided grin returns. "So it's a battle, between enjoying, and asking."
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
The floor is reasonably comfortably carpet, although even in a well cleaned and not heavily trafficked Japanese hotel, you might not want to roll on the floor in bare skin. But in trouser pants? Why not?
Rei blinks once. The light is unfamiliar in this room and it is exposing the place. Its irregularities. The subtle disruptions.
This place is wrong. A way-station.
Rei leans over to click off the bedside lamp that she had left on, presumably to read - there is a book sort of laying on top of a completely dishelveled bedspread, although its title is not immediately clear.
"Dawn on the Moon?" Rei asks.
Her eyes close.
"I watched the sunrise, sometimes. Tokyo-3 awakening. The great mirrors turning, to bring light to the Geofront. The thermal inertia cycling. Lights rising, then fading. The trains. The distant people."
The kettle slowly heats.
"I can't see the Moon from this room," Rei says.
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
"The atmosphere here has a... Particular pleasing color." Hebikura explains honestly, nostalgic. "Here, on Earth. On the moon?"
Hebikura's carpet-leaned hand gains the particular unclean dull itch of trod-dirt. Fully-lit, the room must stand for itself and be seen.
Time passes.
The tea water bubbles, pre-boil, and Hebikura pulls the kettle off 'early', a gentler heat for green tea than a whole rolling boil called for. A pour, tipping off the two cups. "No. You can't." Hebikura agrees, setting the kettle down and taking his own cup with his unclean left hand, and rising to pass Rei a disposable cup with a tea-bag draw hanging from the side wish his right.
"Barely enough living for tea." A hair-down smile, and a little 'huhu' he hides behind understeeped tea as he sips. "Do you want to fix that?"
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
A question occurs to Rei. It is one she has not thought to ask in other contexts; it has never seemed like the right time. But she can discern a pattern, now, even as the kettle is poured over the tea. She accepts the tea cup.
Hebikura asks her a question.
"'Want,'" Rei repeats.
"You are not the first to ask me this. Sometimes it is a trivial thing; pad thai or grilled tofu," Rei says, perhaps because that time she went to Bangkok with Commander Ikari left an impression. "Sometimes it is something else."
Rei looks at her tea. A few more seconds pass. Catalysis.
"Why is this question asked?" Rei asks, without looking up.
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
This question does not require quite the lead of thought. Expected, and only needing formulation.
"Will." "Want comes from it." "The will to act."
Pacing the length of the small, limited room, Hebikura stops when he says each statement to look at Rei, then resume walking, then say one, then look.
His final stop is standing in front of Rei once more, looking 'down' at her, reflected and distorted across the surface of liquid. "Something that only does as it is is commanded or handled is a tool. Possessing a will to want means you are alive. Desire creates change. The search for pleasant things, even."
Hebikura crouches down, on both knees, to shift to looking up from his squat at Rei, staring into her tea. "I'm interested, in the Rei Ayanami who has been to the Moon."
"Perhaps your partner for food was interested if you would be the Rei Ayanami who ate pad thai or grilled tofu..."
"... or had a preference at all."
<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.
Hebikura says a word,
"Will,"
And Rei, though gazing into her tea, frowns, the smallest bit. It would be faint enough that if you had just encountered here you might think she was simply a gloomy person, and it might not be inaccurate. Hebikura, of course, is seeing new updates every few seconds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp9ThCgk31s
Why do they want to know? It hurts. Why? Because there is something. Because there was nothing. A tooth erupting from the red meat.
Rei doesn't look at Hebikura directly, although her eyes move to look at those of his reflection.
His question is illogical. And somehow,
for a moment Rei imagines absolute stillness and tranquility. Powder gray, shockingly harsh. An empty landscape. The manifold stars above. To reach for them - for their ancient, dead lights - to reach them would
be
Impossible?
Rei blinks again, and removes the teabag from the tea. Two drops land on the bedspread before the teabag lands in her disposable ramen bowl.
There is a faint and transient scent, on the edge of perception. Something like gunpowder.
"The question came at a banquet," Rei said. "I chose the pad thai."
Rei takes a sip of her tea and cup sit in both hands, looking up at Hebikura.
"I don't know what I want," Rei says.
"I will investigate," she continues. "When do you wish for the report?"
It might seem like either profoundly detached parroting of words and phrases - and to a certain extent it is - or an effort to get Hebikura to buzz off - and it absolutely is not - but there is a sudden and intense focus in her attention. Something that is likely trust.
The Administrator trusts him;
and I want
??????????????????
the Administrator.
<Pose Tracker> Shota Hebikura has posed.
Hebikura smiles his lopsided grin. A genuine laugh from him comes, sharp, like a cough of amusement and then blinks, and straightens his face with his hair.
He sighs, from catching his reflection in the pleading-intense eyes.
'I don't know what I want.' "You do, Rei. Give yourself that much credit. Small wants are wants. Right now, you want to see the moon,"
Rising, he casts professional eyes and a stern gaze out towards the door. "When you realize three wants and can name them - any three that are worth reporting, you can report them to Administrator Kaworu and I."
Hebikura makes a nod, a warm affirmative 'mm' chasing the bob. "I look forward to becoming the me that has heard that report."
By the end, perhaps there would be a world where Rei Ayanami looked forward to becoming the Rei that reported her wants.