2022-03-26: The Night Trains

• Log: The Night Trains
• Cast: Rei Ayanami, Kaworu Nagisa
• Where: Tokyo-3, OCU Japan
• OOC - IC Date: March 26, 0096 (2022)
• Summary: Rei and Kaworu, each going home late after a long day at NERV, talk about Shinji and how to help him.

---

<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.

On the surface of Tokyo-3, there's a springtime early shower - perhaps a benefit for the blooming cherry trees, or just one of those little quirks that brings, we should hope, Maytime flowers.

It would leave the streets freshened in the morning.

Morning is some time away. It is, in fact, tomorrow; but only just.

1:12 AM - UNDERGROUND TERMINUS/TRANSFER STATION
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHaty-MnvoY

The automatic transit infrastructure within the Geofront is, of course, not directly accessible from the standard Tokyo-3 mass transit system on a casual basis, given the obvious potential security risks of someone simply 'falling asleep' and riding to the end of the station. Rather than have active monitoring -- though it is surely there -- you instead typically must transfer at a point connected to a maintenance facility.

The dripping spring rain adds a certain humid tattoo to the station platform. Well lit - new - it is an island of light in the darkness that surrounds it, the rail yard pocked with its own illuminations and the access gate that leads below a subtly darker, almost yawning opening.

At this hour the trains run more or less on their own, just in case. They're slower, of course. Less important service. Fewer people.

Not no people.

Rei Ayanami is sitting on the platform facing to the right-hand side. She is wearing a warmish cloth jacket over a plain cotton dress in a deeply faded turquoise, with leggings on against the chill. She is carrying a nylon bag with a NERV logo, currently resting on her lap as she gazes off into the darkness at nothing in particular.

An automatic voice speaks. 'Funicular transit to Geofront Atrial has arrived on interior platform B. Departure in two minutes. The next late-access train will be arriving at Platform II in 12 minutes. Late-access train will stop at all local stations along the following route, including--' The synthetic voice of no-one in particular echoes out.

<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.

        For others in Kaworu's position, of having a sudden influx of urgent work that needed to be handled on the same day of an anticipated social event, the time to finally clock out might nonetheless still be enervating. It's AM late, it's wet--it's no wonder some people simply choose to sleep where they work. For Kaworu himself, the exhaustion isn't really a problem. He's as alert now at 1:12 AM as he was yesterday at 1:12 PM, which was approximately when he received the news that there were things that he, specifically, had to handle, immediately, until they were resolved.
        
        Mind, others in Kaworu's position might have resigned on the spot, since it was an amount of work that would require three days without sleep to be resolved *immediately*. This is probably why it was given to Kaworu, who wrapped it up in less than twelve hours, in the first place.
        
        Whether he's getting taken advantage of or not, it's done, though, and Kaworu is free to leave for his apartment.
        
        The sounds of the railway system at night are pleasant, at least.
        
        As his train pulls into the station where he must make his transfer, Kaworu steps off, hands tucked in his pockets. The hour means that there are no people to bump into, and while he doesn't necessarily mind that, it means that he can simply walk freely. He wears his usual administrator's uniform--a beige STORAGE-style jacket with his name on the lapel, a scarf-like purple tie lined in green, black suit jacket lined in red, black slacks and matching shoes, and a white button-up shirt. Under the sleeve of his outermost jacket, thanks to his hands being in his pockets, one can see the edge of a wristwatch over his left hand. That's new, although whether people pay enough attention to Kaworu to realize it *is* new is another matter.
        
        A voice broadcasts on the audio system. Kaworu pays it no mind, already knowing where he's going and what time it's leaving, opting to stroll at his own pace until he reaches his transfer.
        
        He arrives just as the train is pulling in, coming to a stop next to where Rei is seated. If she looks up at him as they embark, he gives her a warm smile in greeting--though he'd have a smile for her regardless of whether she bothered to acknowledge his presence or not.
        
        Either way, it'll be just the two of them on the car once they're on. A good time for a private conversation--one Kaworu doesn't initiate until they're both on and the train is in motion.
        
        "It's nice to have a moment to enjoy your company like this," he remarks. "At this hour, it feels like it's just the two of us."
        
        From anyone else, this would absolutely be a pick-up line, and a creepy one at that. From Kaworu, it's simply an honest statement of how he feels. Of course, one might still find those feelings creepy, but he at least means Rei no harm. He's content to let that be *all* the conversation there is, even--to ride in silence with her if that's what ended up happening. Simply being near her means that there's been a bright spot to today after all.

<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.

When Kaworu approaches, Rei does not respond. Perhaps she does not hear him or does not think to look. She does not seem fascinated by something out there that only she can see; however, she does seem calm, meditative perhaps. Kaworu can perhaps think of several possible reasons why, and when she boards the train without speaking further -- carrying her bag before her with both hands on the strap -- he can smell LCL on her hair, which probably answers the question.

She does look at him when they are aboard. She seems faintly surprised, but still not enough to speak. Reticience and the taboo of being too vigorous at night, perhaps, working together.

But she is awake: and she has been addressed.

Rei looks towards Kaworu then as the train picks up speed. Perhaps that is all there would be to say, but:

"It is."

There will be something more.

Rei doesn't speak further for a full minute, although there are no stops on this leg of the train ride, and as a local it is not running particularly quickly. Shadows of concrete and an occasional bright spot of construction crews glisten in the dark tapestries that ornament this enclosed room with ample seating.

"Ikari told me that you met a god's head," Rei says. "And that you told him that I am learning to prepare food."

She seems to weigh these things equally.

<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.

        The fact that Rei replies at all is wonderful. The fact that she replies to agree with him is all he could ask for. Kaworu's smile parts his lips as his eyes shut momentarily; then he looks over his shoulder out the window, seemingly fully pleased with this exchange and content to simply ride the train with her as the austere sights flash by in the darkness.
        
        But there is indeed something more. When she makes note of things Shinji has told her, Kaworu returns her gaze to her, eyes wide.
        
        "A god's head? What do you mean?" It's not necessarily *false*, but... he'd like to make sure their understanding is the same before he responds to a statement like that. The second one, however equally it might be weighted against the first, is at least more straightforward. He nods once.
        
        "That's true," he replies. "Though I didn't tell him why. I thought you might want to surprise him." He pauses. He's a little surprised that Shinji mentioned it to her, but perhaps he shouldn't be. "I asked him what kind of cuisine he prefers to make for himself, but he said he didn't know," he adds, tone oddly apologetic. "He seems very interested in thriftiness and nutrition, though. There was an app he recommended to me that I can show you, if you like." He laughs faintly--just a breath, really--and adds, "Though given how the matter has come up, I imagine he may have already shared it with you."

<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.

Rei answers the second topic first.

"He did not show me an app," Rei says. "He showed me instructional videos. In one of them there was a puppet-creature which cursed." She pauses, in case Kaworu saw the same video.

Rei may have learned key vocabulary from that video, but it is not revealed now.

She takes a deep breath and lets it out. Her eyes half-close.

She has another meditative interlude here - a place where someone might clarify but which for Rei tends to take the form of silences such as this - and the train pulls past the reconstructing defensive belt, past some actual buildings. Low shapes. Shadowy, from lack of lights. Perhaps crops grow here, or will, or have.

"I may not have understood him," Rei says. "In Tsutsujidai. You spoke to the Gridman. It looked at him." Rei's eyes open again now, focusing on Kaworu.

"The Gridman said that he was haunted. He feared the Eva."

Another second, during which Rei's mouth opens and then closes, and she looks down at her knees.

"... What did Gridman say?"

<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.

        "Ah, I see. Shinji recommended various instructional videos to me as well," Kaworu replies. He takes Rei's mention of a cursing puppet in stride, which could mean he saw the same video, or it could mean he's just that good at taking things in stride.
        
        It really could be either, knowing him.
        
        When Rei falls silent, so too does Kaworu. He's unbothered by it--in fact seems to enjoy the moment of quiet as the train clack-clacks past the reconstruction areas and into actual completed construction. He turns his head to watch them go by, a subtle smile still tugging up his lips. After a time, though, she resumes, and specifies her meaning. Kaworu brightens in understanding.
        
        "Ah! Yes, I did meet Gridman. He isn't a god, though I suppose I can see how he might appear that way." His smile fades into a neutral expression as Rei describes how Shinji described Gridman to her. To that, he doesn't respond--until Rei actually asks what Gridman said.
        
        "Let me think... When Shinji was surprised by the sight of him, as displayed to us on an old-fashioned video screen, Gridman attempted I believe to reassure him by saying that talking to a giant is no different from talking to another person. Then he started to comment on Shinji's Evangelion, but then decided not to, saying it wasn't his place to speculate. Then he said to Shinji, 'Take care, so that you aren't consumed by the dead.'"
        
        He relays this quote matter-of-fact, as if he were reciting from a script word-for-word rather than merely relaying the gist of the conversation. He breathes out a faint sigh, red eyes pinching with unhappiness as he bows his head. "...Shinji took it rather poorly. Gridman was not afraid, but I think Shinji was, terribly so. Even if he tried to dismiss it."

<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.

Rei listens to the story. She blinks once at the decision-not-to-comment.

And then the warning.

Kaworu expresses distress. Rei does too, if in a different way; she brings her legs up, wrapping her arms round her knees and letting the bag rest cradled and compressed somewhat against her chest. The train, at this point, reaches a stop, although no one steps through the open doors. (Kaworu can see, if he cares to look, that it's empty; the train is following its program.)

"An ambiguous statement," Rei says presently, though not very loudly.

The doors warn that they're going to close soon.

"Ikari feared it. His fear hurts him. He asked if I knew about 'hungry ghosts' within the Eva. Such things aren't real, I think," Rei says, as her chin ends up resting on one knee.

Her eyes turn towards Kaworu specifically. "Did Gridman say this to hurt Ikari?" (From the look in her eyes, and probably a certain amount of contextual reasoning, she seeks opinion.)

<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.

        Kaworu doesn't need to look to know that the train is empty of passengers besides themselves. He has, one could say, excellent spatial awareness. For the moment, his gaze is reserved for Rei as she pulls herself in closer to herself.
        
        He doesn't deny that it's an ambiguous statement. He pays no mind to the doors. He already is in his place.
        
        "I don't think so. Gridman didn't seem like that sort of person," he replies. A pause. Thoughts go to Gridman's seeming opposite. "But," he adds, because this is not a topic on which he can leave things unsaid, "I am not an impeccable judge of character."
        
        He pauses again. Then he lifts a hand to run through his grey hair, expression still troubled. So it bothers Shinji so much he's still upset about it, even now...? Perhaps Kaworu's too used to these things. Perhaps he's too separated from the rest of the world to be affected by it the way he is. He could approach Shinji to try to reassure him, but this conversation he had with Rei had to have taken place more recently than the one he had with Kaworu. If he wanted to share his concerns with him, he would have. But he chose to share them with Rei instead.
        
        Kaworu slides his hand down over his face, fingers split between his eyes, palm over his nose and mouth. He squeezes his eyes shut, head tilting up, as the band of his wristwatch scrapes his skin. Then he wipes his hand down the rest of the way and lets it hang at his side.
        
        "There aren't 'hungry ghosts' in the Evangelions, per se. But I can see how they can seem like it at times," he says at length, subdued. "I don't know Gridman well, but I believe his comment was founded in concern for a situation he doesn't fully understand."
        
        Which doesn't mean that Shinji has nothing to worry about, especially considering how unusually active Unit 01 is this time around. But that's not something Kaworu can openly express.

<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.

As the train begins moving again, Rei relaxes when she hears Kaworu's assessment. Perhaps she takes him as having some insight, despite his profession of fallibility. She knows, to a certain extent, how dangerous it can be to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

She watches Kaworu as he covers his face. Then his hand comes down. A drawing-down; Rei is reminded, obscurely, of the gentle removal of a sheet atop of something else. She can't remember what it was -- just the motion.

"Then Gridman does not understand the Eva," Rei says. Maybe that's what brought her the relief.

The train keeps rolling, but Rei's delay before she speaks again is shorter now. Perhaps twenty seconds of thought, of consideration.

"I don't want Ikari to suffer," Rei says.

Another second or two. Her head turns now, to look at the train floor.

"... Yet I fear that he will suffer and there is no way that I can prevent Ikari from suffering," Rei continues, to the train floor. "He does not..." Rei trails off, the thought not being completely formed.

<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.

        "He as much as admitted that anything he would say would be speculation," Kaworu replies. He doesn't add that it's clear that Gridman knows *something* about the Evangelion to make that kind of observation in the first place. Knowing a piece of something is not the same as understanding its whole.
        
        The silence that follows is gloomier, at least to him. He allows it all the same, losing himself in his own thoughts as Rei does, if perhaps in a different way.
        
        But...
        
        'I don't want Ikari to suffer.'
        
        He lifts his chin, even as she lowers hers. When she continues, only to trail off, his smile returns faintly as his eyes soften.
        
        "You and I really are the same," he says quietly. "...It's reassuring." He pauses for a few seconds. Then he crosses the train car to change from standing across from Rei to sitting next to her, if still a respectful distance away. "Shinji is prone to suffering. But he's not doomed to it. I share your desires as well as your fears, and so I choose to believe there must be a way to make him happy, even if I don't yet know how. There is always hope."
        
        His smile widens, expression still gentle. "If anyone is capable of bringing him happiness, it may be you. Shinji sought *you* out to share his fears. That means he trusts you with his heart. So if there's any way that I can help you help him, please let me know."

<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.

Rei looks up at this statement of identification. Mutuality. Similarity.

Who is the Administrator?

But what he is saying - he is coming closer. Rei stays somewhat curled up around her bag, but her eyes track Kaworu; other than not unfolding herself she does not seem to want to move away. The position is remarkable, largely, for being on a seat; perhaps it is distress or some obscure evolution.

But she is, at least, unafraid of pain.

'Shinji sought *you* out to share his fears,' and then Rei's face reddens, pink spreading on porcelain-white skin like the sun peeking over a building. (The sun will do no such thing in Tokyo-3 for hours yet, of course; but the artificial lights of the train highlight it as well, if not better.)

"... I don't..." This is almost inaudible - good thing Kaworu moved. She hugs her legs a little more tightly.

"I don't," she repeats, scrunching up a little more.

Then she crosses some boundary of resolution and looks back to Kaworu.

"What does 'happiness' feel like?"

<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.

        Who indeed?
        
        Rei not unfolding herself is the reason for not closing the distance fully. She doesn't indicate she wants to leave, or wants him to leave, and that's enough for him. That she'll let him this close is more than good enough. Kaworu won't encroach further.
        
        Though perhaps this is too much after all. Kaworu laughs soundlessly, his smile spreading, when pink rises on Rei's cheeks like the sunrise that won't come for a long while yet. But then she expresses distress on top of embarrassment, and his smile fades as he realizes that he may have upset rather than pleased her.
        
        "Forgive me. Perhaps I've asked too much," he thus says, easing up, easing away. He'd leave it at that, but...
        
        'What does "happiness" feel like?'
        
        For a moment, he says nothing.
        
        Once it's passed, he lifts his gaze to the metal ceiling--no, not to; *past*, to something beyond that only he can see. His faint smile is dreamy as he looks upon that invisible something.
        
        "It feels like being free," he replies simply, and possibly unhelpfully.

<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.

"Like being free," Rei echoes.

And that might be where she doesn't say anything for the seven stops (plus four smaller local-line stops) that take her all the way out to her home, or at least, her residence. It would fit her to be so quiet in that moment. To fall silent, lapsing into reasoning.

But it takes about five seconds for her to release her hold on her knees; to let them slide downwards; to smooth out her dress with one hand while the other retains its grasp on the bag which seems to be so lethally important.

And about five seconds more for her to say, "I have tried to free Ikari from what burdens him. To pilot the Eva. To support Gridman, and Gridman's comrades. I told him that I would pilot if it is necessary to do so and the operation is approved. He would not need to pilot the Eva against the monsters that are there."

Rei turns her head to say, "I did not see the monsters." (Secretly, she apparently spent her entire sojourn in Tsutsujidai in a grocery store and the road outside of the grocery store.)

"Ikari refused the offer," Rei says; "Ikari did not want to do so. Ikari said that he -- I don't remember the words that he used. He compared himself to a beast."

"I do not know what else it is that I could do."

<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.

        Freedom might not be a thing that Rei knows any better than happiness. But to Kaworu, both are as precious to him as air.
        
        He of course doesn't press the matter. He'd be fine with another long silence. But she actually reacts quite speedily for her, first unfolding, then speaking anew. He watches her speak, his dreamy look breaking in favor of the here and now. A beast, hm...
        
        "I made the same offer you did when I arrived here from Tagbha Base," he replies. "To pilot the Eva in his place. He refused me then, too. In fact--I believe I've told you this before--but he asked that I pilot in *your* place instead. He felt afraid for you because of your experience with Unit 00's activation test... but he also felt a responsibility towards Unit 01. He understands her power, and he fears its misuse." He chuckles a little, though there's no humor in it. "It seems neither of us can release him from the burden of piloting the Evangelion. Not by merely offering to take his place, anyway. But then, all three of us are Children bound by the Scenario. None of us can escape its scripture."
        
        He falls silent then. There are other things to remark on, of course--the monsters in Tsutsujidai, for example. The city-restoring kaiju are *quite* visible, but if she hasn't spent much time there... But that's a simple enough matter to resolve. Shinji is, as always, more important. "He's been working on earning his pilot's licenses for other types of giant robots," he remarks. "He says he hates piloting, but... I wonder if he's developed a taste for it this time around." After all, there's something fun about fighting. He'd said that to Shinji once. Maybe now, a time or three later, he's warming up to it.
        
        "That said... I *have* noticed that Unit 01 has been unusually sensitive." His smile fades. "It's troubling."
        
        There's much more he could say on that topic. However, he leaves it at that.

<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.

Rei nods once when Kaworu says he told her this before. She remembers. She listens, throughout.

It is perhaps interesting that she doesn't inquire about some of what Kaworu says. Then again, she is -- generally, with notable exceptions -- a receptive person.

"Perhaps Unit 01 is also concerned for him," Rei says.

Another station approaches. Not hers. Rei looks at the floor as if it would provide knowledge.

And she speaks quietly. Very quietly; to herself, perhaps.

"Other machines. The Mobile Suit. The Knightmare Frame. The Black Castle of Iron. The Great Mazinger. Machines made to protect humans. Machines that destroy humans."

"The machines are dangerous. Mobile suits are destroyed. Knightmare frames are destroyed. The Black Castle of Iron and Great Mazinger are not. Yet they too may be. Nothing can endure all things. Except."

Rei lapses into silence for a moment, her brow furrowing. It takes the stop - automatic voice - nobody getting on board - resume motion cycle in its full length for her to reach some sort of conclusion.

"I feel afraid for Ikari," Rei says. "If he pilots 'Ichinana'. Or a Mobile Suit. The machine could be destroyed. It could be damaged badly. In the Eva, he is safe. No. He is safer."

"I," Rei says, and there is another pause, then, "I want him to be safe. I want him to be happy. The two stand against each other." She breathes out then, and her shoulders loosen.

"... it's troublesome."

<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.

        Perhaps Unit 01 is also concerned for him.
        
        "Probably so," Kaworu agrees, which may say more than the words themselves on their face.
        
        They both fall silent as the train slows for an upcoming station. Rei speaks of other machines. Kaworu looks to the upcoming station, then at her, without interrupting. The station comes and goes. He waits for her to complete her thought. Nothing can endure all things, except...
        
        Yes. He knows keenly why she's afraid. 'I want him to be safe' and 'I want him to be happy' are indeed two contradictory desires. "It is," he murmurs in agreement. For a time, another silence of his own.
        
        Then: "Perhaps... it would be worthwhile to approach the problem from a different angle. If we can't remove the burden of the Evangelion from him, then perhaps we can do or give him something that would make it easier to bear." He looks over at Rei.
        
        "You talked about cooking with him; what sort of things did he say and ask about? To be honest, I can't tell if he enjoys it or not... Cooking isn't something I ever do, and food is largely not a concern of mine. He's very concerned with it, though, even as he had nothing he was willing to tell me he liked. I don't understand."

<Pose Tracker> Rei Ayanami has posed.

Not so long ago, while reasoning through something, Rei wondered if Kaworu - the Administrator, in her mind - understood the Eva project.

She does not wonder that any more; an ambiguity resolved; comfortable, in a way, if sad in others. He may have some role she does not know, but all's right with the world, to coin a phrase.

"... It feels free, to say that," Rei murmurs after Kaworu agrees with her. Her eyes close.

There is something more mportant, when Kaworu speaks. Rei doesn't open her eyes right away. It is surely late for her; and she does grow tired. But she replies in an easy enough way, without difficulty beyond what was, probably, a pause to reflect.

"He understood how to cook. He looked at the modified program for the pizza and understood an issue that I had dealt with by pragmatic trial," Rei says. "There were too many vegetables, and in the close space of the oven, they released water as steam. He proposed 'Par Baking,'" Rei says, "to cook the understructure partially prior to assembly, as well as reduction in the top vegetables."

"I don't know how he felt," Rei says.

"But..."

She looks, not to the floor but the ceiling. "I think that he did... he enjoys cooking. I don't understand why." But (to derive from her words and habits), the pragmatic observation holds.

The voice of no-one in particular informs them that the next stop is--

Rei shifts her weight and rises up, looking to Kaworu from this vantage point.

"-- Good night," Rei says, as the train slows down, instead of 'goodbye'.

When the train stops, she steps off, the bulk of her apartment building dimly perceptible.

<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.

'It feels free, to say that,' Rei observes. Kaworu gives her a fond smile. "Yes," he agrees.

Shinji understands how to cook. At the very least, he understands more than they do. But does he *enjoy* it? Rei thinks so, and Kaworu, based on what he's observed and heard, is inclined to agree. It's nice to know that Rei likewise doesn't understand. It's not a bad thing. Maybe his happiness lies in that direction...

It's something to consider. Perhaps even to cultivate.

For now, though, the train slows and stops, and Rei rises. He looks up at her, and when she bids him 'good night' instead of 'goodbye,' his smile broadens.

"Thank you. Then until we meet again," he replies. For as long as he's allowed, he watches her leave for the complex in the near distance. Then the train pulls fully away and rides off into the remainder of the night.