2024-04-05: Shari Tries Harder

• Log: Shari Tries Harder
• Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Shari Loom
• Where: The Photon Power Labs
• Date: 2024-04-05 (Feb 0099)
• Summary: Shari tries to reach out to Yuliana again, but Yuliana's all wrapped up in her own trauma. (CW: Discussion of coercive control)

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<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        "So you were quite successful as an officer, even if you say it was a cover story," Dr. Noburu Kimura summarises, gesturing with an open palm. "What happened to it all, when the REA betrayed you?"

        "Oh, it was all frozen," Yuliana says, gesturing herself, a little moment of mirroring which tells him just about her capacity to perform empathic motions. "Every gilla and credit -- it's all controlled centrally, you understand, by the State. If it wasn't for my Elisa, I'd be quite destitute, Doctor."

        "I see... so your wife provides for you, now?" Dr. Kimura asks, though he knows the answer. He's going somewhere.

        "I want for nothing," Yuliana smiles, serene. "Even when I go out -- I just put it all on our card. Of course, she's never criticised my spending, though it is quite hard to keep gifts a surprise..."

        Noburu nods. "Is it fair to say that Elisa controls the finances, then?"

        Yuliana tilts her head, still smiling. "I suppose so. I've never much had the head for it -- particularly when you get into all the mores of capitalism. You know how difficult tips are? How much is enough? I tip generously, but to be honest, Doctor, half of it is just that putting down half again the cost of my meal is an easier calculation than figuring out precisely the amount they expect from me. Though," she adds, fingers pressing to her cheek, "I don't regret giving them more money, of course. Food service is a vital part of society!"

        "It's good that you're able to value them that way," Dr. Kimura agrees, "but I'm wondering something, Yuliana."

        "Yes?" Yuliana asks, fingers curling at her chin.

        He pauses, before he asks, gently: "What do you do when you want to buy something which you think your wife would criticise?"

        And Yuliana blinks, fingers lifting to splay across her lips. "Oh," she says, her good humour dimming with the word. "Why would I ever need to do that? There's nothing I would buy which would upset her."

        "Do you think that sharing all your accounts with Elisa might influence what you would want to buy?" Dr. Kimura asks, still quite steady.

        "No, I... I don't think so..." Yuliana isn't.

        Which explains why she's buried herself in Alectros's art room after her therapy, furiously sculpting something from pipe cleaners and paper mache. It is long and vertical and surrounded by coils on coils on coils, though it's not entirely clear what it is, yet.

        Art is like that.

<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.

February! Shari Loom is still at the Photon Power League for now, and happens to be working today. She's taken care of a number of design factors, and is making breakthroughs by the day, it feels like to some people.

She's been doing therapy too, but not the same kind as Yuliana's.

But right now, she's around the therapy rooms, and she feels... the familiar sensation of Yuliana's presence. Now, in a lot of cases, that might be a good reason to be careful and avoid her, but...

She's thought about her, lately. It's hard not to sometimes. Maybe...

Well. Now, she glances around rooms as she walks her way out, and--

"Oh, hey Yuliana," Shari says, poking her head into the art room. "...Cool."

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        Yuliana, strangely, doesn't notice Shari before she speaks up. The Photonic Neuromodulation Therapy can't make massive changes to her brain, but by activating certain neglected areas and turning down overactivated areas, they've been able to help her draw her attention away from the empty spaces.

        Which, coincidentally, is great for Shari sneaking past. Or, in this case --

        "Oh!" For perhaps the first time, Yuliana is surprised, looking up to see Shari. "Sharochka," she smiles, "how lovely to see you." And if she looks a little weary, looking at her with those endlessly green eyes of hers...

        It's fine.

        "Is it?" She asks, looking down at her sculpture. "To be honest, I'm not sure what it is... I just didn't want it in my head."

<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.

Shari surprises Yuliana, and that surprises Shari some, but she's less skittish than she used to be about a lot of things. She's a real adult now!

(Nobody tell her.)

Instead of sneaking, she looks back, and waves. Those eyes are stil strange to look at--Shari finds herself making eye contact more just because it's hard to look away from those eyes.

But it's fine.

"Art's cool," Shari says, stepping inside. "Sometimes you make weird stuff, but that's part of what 'art' is. It gets it out and into the world, and then people can do what they want about it."

"...Or something. I'm kinda new to caring about it."

"...It's Void stuff, isn't it?" she asks. "The stuff in your dreams."

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        Shari is an adult, and Yuliana is so proud of her.

        "Haa... I suppose you're right," Yuliana sighs, as she shapes curves into the figure, more a woman than a pole, cut into and carved by those pipe-cleaner coils. It would be more efficent to have layered things differently, but Yuliana isn't an artist, and didn't think to plan it all out ahead before she began. "People can do what they want with it... yeah." Ne, in the language of the area.

        It's a flexible particle.

        "... it is," she says, damp fingers stilling on the sculpture. "But... it's not just that, Sharochka. I think... I must be ungrateful," she says, and she, at least, can look away. "Elya gives me so much, but still I listen to that Dr. Kimura make those awful implications... I really ought to yell at him, but he's very clever, you know, being that unkind. The things he says aren't -- they aren't entirely false in isolation. But..."

        She frowns, shaping more paper around what might be a vine or a snake, coiling upwards. "And even leaving that aside, you know -- it's too much, sometimes. I can't just abandon my faith... but the things they say make me feel bad for keeping it. They should mind their words better... ugh, I know they're trying to help, but it weighs on me terribly!"

<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.

"Sometimes that sucks," Shari says. "People doing what they want. But it's out of you, at that point. It is what it is." Is she still talking about art? Maybe. But she does look over the figure and its curves... no, her curves.

But Yuliana explains. And oh, she explains. The pink-haired girl comes to take a spot closer to Yuliana, away from the doorframe, but not quite within reach yet, because she leans on the wall instead of sitting down.

It's that kind of conversation.

"...Hmmm." This is delicate. Elisa and Yuliana...

"Nobody expects you to just change your whole life on a dime," Shari tells Yuliana, and she's reasonably sure it's true, anyway. "I know Elisa loves you. She listens when you're unhappy, right?"

"...A little questioning doesn't hurt anybody. It's healthy to wonder a little. It makes your relationship stronger, right? That's what they tell me, anyway. But it's like how.."

"Okay, so, your armor gets stronger when you beat on it a little, because then it integrates better with the rest of the plating. Like that."

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        "They'll just have to deal with it," Yuliana agrees.

        They're probably talking about art.

        The art of marriage, of course, is a different matter. "She does," Yuliana smiles, when Shari asks whether she listens to her. "And when the Void comes to me in my dreams -- or even if it's just a case of memories -- she keeps me safe... she's thoughtful towards me, and considerate, and charming. She adores me! She'd never hurt me." With a little subtle emphasis to underline how special she is; certainly, Elisa hurts other people.

        She keeps shaping those things like snakes, coiling tightly around something like a woman. "I guess it's true... that when I question things, she's always fixed the problem. Like -- you remember -- when I went out more? And she got so anxious about me getting into trouble, she always wanted to know where I was... but Yaka got me so wound up about her sending so many messages, I made a whole thing of it, and, you know, she stopped? She didn't realise her anxiety was upsetting me, I suppose... I realised it wasn't a big deal, when it was so easily fixed."

        Is that really the point?

<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.

"Right." Elisa definitely doesn't keep other people safe as a rule--Shari herself excluded... for as long as that lasts. She's not counting on it forever.

But, "I remember," Shari answers that too, instead of going back to talk more about art. "...Is that it though?"

Shari thinks. And thinks. And might be clever. "...I think it was a big deal! That's why it's important to you that Elisa fixed it. If it weren't anything big, then it wouldn't matter that she fixed it, right? And that's cool. Because you can fix even big stuff." Maybe.

"Well, whether it was or not," she says, not willing to press harder than she has, "...I think it's OK if you have issues now and then. Elisa's--well. She's a lot of things, and she's good to you, but she's not a 'normal person' either, is she? I mean, we both know her better than that."

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        Was it a big deal...? Shari, too, isn't saying anything wrong, considering the individual statements. Yuliana might have protested that even Elisa's small actions are meaningful to her, with a light frown -- except that their lovely little niece insists that it's cool, which means it isn't criticism.

        "Mm," she hums, as she keeps listening. There are things which Shari can say which other people can't, of course, because she is their niece. Even if she abandoned them, they still adopted her into their family. "She... she's not," Yuliana says, slowly. "I feel quite special, being protected by her when she could turn me to dust with a spell... you know, she chose me. I'm different." Different to the human sacrifices, that is. "But it can be... challenging, sometimes... we both have to make allowances for each other. Since I'm still human, right now, and she is part of God."

        She smiles, a touch strained. "I do cause a lot of issues... I'm an unruly woman, plemyannitsa," she calls Shari her niece, shifting from Japanese to Zaftran briefly. "And quite demanding... I can be very unfair. Even so, Elya's always tried to make me happy..."

<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.

Shari is not going to push her luck too much, but she does know that she still has kind of a special place here--not that she really thinks of it that way. It's just that, for all that she left, for all that she never wants to go back...

They're her aunts. She does know them differently than most people.

Especially Yuliana.

"Right. You are different," Shari agrees. "She doesn't treat anybody like she treats you." Even knowing what she does about Elisa's control, that seems true to her, anyway. It's not the kind of relationship she wants, but... Is it bad?

"Yeah. I think you should let yourselves make those allowances, you know? Every relationship has its issues. But... you work it out, and that's what makes it good, right?"

She stops, then. Yuliana... An 'unruly woman'. That's not something she disagrees with, exactly. "Right. Your relationship is stronger than a few words here and there." She can't suppress the shiver about 'a part of God', but she can avoid commenting too much on it, too.

"...My point is mostly that it's OK to take some time to feel stuff. And I'm interested in seeing how your art turns out, too."

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        Shari even knows things Yuliana doesn't!

        "I'm special," Yuliana sighs, again, lovesick and smiling. "It's a little dangerous, but that just makes it more remarkable... since it's not that she couldn't hurt me, you know, but that she wouldn't. Instead, someone that wonderful is keeping me safe... I love her so much."

        Yuliana doesn't think it's bad, certainly.

        "Of course," she smiles. "No matter what happens, we'll be able to work it out. We're meant for each other... yes, even if I lash out unreasonably, Elya's never rejected me." And it is always Yuliana doing wrong, when she discusses the wrongs in their relationship. It is always Yuliana who is unreasonable. "And she is always interested in my feelings... she even reads my diary, you know?" Yes, surely it's Yuliana who's the problem.

        She looks down at the sculpture she's working on, adding another snake curving up. "It's... an embrace," she decides, of this language of binding and clutching and coiling. "Of course, I felt insecure after all those awful questions, so I had to go express my love... isn't it?" Ne, again. It's her favourite particle.

<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.

Shari knows many things. Some of them she even realizes that she knows.

"Yeah..." Shari is not so sure she'd enjoy thinking of it in those terms. She's pretty sure she would not. Still, "It's nice how you love each other."

Shari... knows better than to tread on the wrong things intentionally by now, so she doesn't call Yuliana on being the one doing wrong. Instead, diary-reading sounds entirely normal for them. "Well, it's great to have interest in your partner!"

An embrace...

"Yeah," Shari says. "You do what makes you feel comfy after something like that, for sure. ...It's like that for me, too."

Not that the Void would ever make her feel comfortable. But she's good at hiding awkward details like that.

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        "Very much," Yuliana affirms, of their love for each other.

        And she smiles, when Shari says it's good to be interested in one's partner. "Elya is great. Why, she's the greatest!" In power and enormity and also, apparently, Yuliana's esteem.

        She works on those binding snakes, and smiles, and does not see the awkwardness which Shari hides. She's too wrapped up in herself, just like Elisa. The metaphor is literal, too. "It can be hard to deal with therapy, can't it...? They say it will make me better, but it can be quite painful... haa, though I suppose that's life, isn't it?"

<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.

Shari thinks that what the Kafims do is increasingly terrible, as she thinks more about it. But not all of it. They help people with the Silent Calling, too, even if... that's not perfect, either. But love? Who argues with love? That's obviously one of the good points.

She smiles back. "...Yeah," Shari says. "She's really special."

Terrifying. But that's a kind of special, too.

And then, "It is," Shari agrees about therapy. "...I've been in it, too. For like..." She hesitates. "The Nagoya Massacre. The stuff I saw, there. Dr. Kabuto suggested I get some therapy about it. It's helped, but it's hard to relive that kind of thing."

"So I get it, a little. You've been through more than me, but I get it a little."

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        Obviously!

        Yuliana smiles, to hear Shari affirm Elisa's wonder.

        She pauses, though, when Shari brings up the Massacre. "Ah..." She frowns, looking to her niece. "Of course. It is terrible, what she did. And how Britannia tried to suppress it, afterwards... if they weren't talking about it on the mailing lists, you know, I might never have known." Euphemia. She's talking about -- she thinks Euphemia did it.

        But wouldn't someone like Yuliana think that?

        She was a convenient scapegoat for Britannia, but of course she chose to do what she did.

        "It must have been terrifying for you, surviving a racial purge like that... even if you weren't targeted. I'm not unfamiliar with suppressing dissent, but... something that flagrant is really a Britannian action. It's well you survived." She frowns, and she's at least being genuine, when she says: "I hope they're able to help you, Sharochka."

<Pose Tracker> Shari Loom has posed.

"Yeah. They tried pretty hard to keep it quiet. ...But enough people got out that they couldn't. And then the martial law for a while... I wasn't there for that, though."

What she did. Shari doesn't bring up the possibility that Euphemia was mind-controlled. It just seems like a very, very bad idea to invoke that idea around Yuliana right now. If ever.

"It was," Shari says. "...I went back," she explains. "To the school, after I got out. To try to help some people get out. It wasn't something I thought I could do... But I had to do something."

"Thanks. So far, they're doing good. Or I guess, I'm doing good. And things are good for me overall. I'm going to school soon. I've got my own life and everything."

"...But I hope they help you, too." A pause. "I should let you work, but..."

She hesitates. No, better to go for it.

"You can show me a picture of your work or something, if you want. If I'm not around the therapy offices to see it."

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        Yuliana was mind controlled herself, after all.

        By the REA, that is.

        The REA did that to her.

        "It's better to do something," Yuliana agrees. "If you can do something to improve your lot -- if you're able to fight, or get away -- they say it's better for you than being..." A distant expression crosses over her eyes, for a moment, "... stuck."

        (Bound.)

        But of course she's expressing wonderful things in her artwork, so she shakes off the feeling, with a little shake of her head. "Wonderful," she insists, of Shari's progress. "You're a bright girl. You'll do well in school."

        Pat, pat, pat -- "Oh?" Yuliana asks, looking up to Shari again. "So long as that's fine... all right," she smiles, and takes the invitation to contact her with no more protest.

        "Good luck with your own work, as well, of course... I hear you're a star intern! I'm proud of you, dear." Of course Yuliana has been keeping up with the Shari gossip, too. Why wouldn't she?

        She's her niece.