2023-07-13: Castellon '89

• Log: 2023-07-13: Castellon '89
• Cast: Leina Ashta, Sayla Mass
• Where: Villa Mass, AEU Spain
• OOC - IC Date: June 12, 0097
• Summary: As Leina's recovery continues apace, she and Sayla spend a quiet night in, going over old photo albums and talk about who Leina is, and who she could be.

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<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

It was perhaps a mark of progress that Leina made an attempt at cooking that night. She tried to keep it simple, with a fideua variation of their Paella.

She went lighter on the salt, and leaned a little more into some milder spices to make up for it. In the end, it's not quite up to the standards of her usual Paella...

... but it was something she could eat, and so she did. She's still working at polishing off a bowl of it, with small bites, but she's already eaten more of it than most meals so far.

Her atrophied appetite from starvation diet would recover, along with her sense of taste, but for now this was something she could eat, and enjoy.

She's also out of her room, which is something she was a bit shy about for weeks save for her trips to 3G France. But tonight is a planned night between herself and her mother, going over Photo Albums.

They'd started after the press that night, but eventually Leina had all but keeled over once the rush of energy from her anxiety just left her enough to leave her wasted away.

Sitting on the couch in a pair of lavender pajamas, a hand scritches Buer for once, who had come close enough to inspect the fideua.

She allows this.

"I forgot, where did we leave off agaMmmm-" Words interrupted by her taking a bite of some noodles and a scallop. Chew, chew, swallow.

"-Was a little out of it near the end?" She gives Sayla an apologetic look. The reality of the anxiety meds is that it just left her a little foggy at times.

<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.

         it was, to Sayla's tastes, a little bland. The fact that Leina was eating with enjoyment- especially so much of a meal- was more than enough to counteract any thoughts about the flavour.

        There was a stack of albums on the table, marked by the year and the location- with one exception near the bottom of the pile. This was an old fashioned sort of thing, compared to digital storage... but there was something about having something physical that appealed to Sayla.

        Sayla's dressed casually in a t-shirt and some jeans, sitting next to Leina on the couch. "About halfway through 0089," Sayla says, with no admonishment or harsh words. She's certainly not going to give Leina grief for her table manners at this point. "Besides, I don't mind going over things again."

        To her credit, Sayla left the page they were up to marked with the attached bookmark. She picks the blue book off the top of the pile, opening it to where it was marked.

        It's three photos a page, with little notes from Sayla- where any matching videos were stored, date, context.

        Pictures of Leina in an olympic pool, in swim team uniform. A few taken from high up, over the heads of crowds to show the whole race- Leina fighting for head of the pack. "Your first big meet," Sayla says, quietly, looking wistfully at the photos. "I think you competed in everything you could that year."

        She turns the page, revealing the professional photos of Leina's first medal win, then with her team- and one more where Sayla had asked the coach to hold the Camera so she could get one with Leina, obviously beaming with pride.

        "I was cheering you from the stands until I was hoarse- and you were giving it your all."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Leina's neck cranes over mid-bite to look at the Album of 0089, with a gulp she swallows, "That's right." Manners will recover in time, certainly. In a normal situation, she'd be mortified all on her own, but this is anything but normal.

She knows better than to pick up Buer, so she gives one last scritch before scooting towards Sayla, and watching Sayla as she moves to the book mark.

When she sees the pictures, she actually cracks a small smile, "I was more enthusiasm than form back then." She raises a hand as if in contemplation of how things changed over the years, "But I didn't suck either."

Setting the basically empty bowl on the coffee table, she slides up closer to Sayla, and before long, the side of her head makes contact with her right shoulder. The fuzzy brown hair coming to rest against it, as her seagreen eyes flit up to look at Sayla.

"You were. I didn't really know how to handle it at the time. Wasn't used to someone cheering me." Again, a small smile, "Think I was a little embarrassed... but I didn't hate it either. Felt... felt nice."

Despite how she's sitting beside her, this feels less tired, and more like a simple... need for her in this moment, for that sensory stimulation. To confirm her presence not just with Newtype awareness but with her eyes, ears, and yes, touch as well.

"And got nicer all the time... after that."

<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.

        As Leina's head moves to rest on Sayla's shoulder, Sala's hand moves up to gently stroke Leina's hair, that simple show of affection coming easily. "You most certainly didn't." Still, it's Sayla who flushes a little at being, well, embarrassing. "I may have... gotten a touch too into it."

        Sayla shifts her weight a bit to better support Leina's lean on her, pulling the Album to spread it over her lap where Leina can easily look down and see it. "It did, didn't it?" It's a gentle sigh, as Sayla flips the album- a bunch more from the meet. Sayla definitely went overboard back then.

        But there was a notable lack of albums between '83 and late '88.

        Her hand continues to stroke Leina's hair, gently and rhythmically. "I hope it got less embarrassing, too." There's a note to Sayla's tone that implies she knows that that may not be the case.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Her eyes lull a little at Sayla's touch, even though she's not exactly tired. Well, not more than usual. Her sleep cycle is still recovering as well.

"Looking back, I think you got the exact right amount, into it... for... the girl from Shangri-La who wasn't used to having someone taking an interest in... her life."

Leina says quietly, honestly, her walls have been just completely down since she came back. And it's like she has no filter.

While she's improved, it's as if she doesn't trust herself to have a filter, to hold things back. That the people in her life deserve to know how she feels.

Judau certainly was invested in Leina's life, her happiness, but she didn't have time for sports or anything he could cheer her on really for back then.

Just school work, and house work. And Judau Ashta would probably have trouble cheering on Leina doing her math homework.

"Hmmm~" Leina hums as Sayla asks the question on whether it did, and there's a small, lopsided smile from her position, "More like - I got used to having an adult in my corner like that."

It's not any less embarrassing, but she enjoys that kind of embarrassment, or will at least tolerate it. Snuggling up, "S'weird to think that I'm kinda an adult now too myself."

In that strange place of being both a high schooler, but also now twenty years old...

... "Weird." Leina says again, "My brain keeps telling me I turned out to be like... the kind of adult he raised me to be, even though I know it makes... no sense."

He wouldn't want her to have been a pilot for example. "What do you think? After... all of everything that just happened?"

What kind of adult has Leina Ashta turned out to be? She'll leave that to the opinion of the expert.

<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.

        Sayla still looks a little embarrassed, but smiles all the same. "Just the right amount, huh?" She smirks a little. "So, if I were to do it again, teaming up with Judau on a cheer squad would be a little much then?" It's a gentle teasing- especially since Leina could so easily call her bluff.

        "I'm glad you did." As Leina snuggles up, Sayla moves her arm to wrap around her daughter, gently pulling her closer. Leina talks about being kind of an adult now, and Sayla falls silent. Time does always march faster than one might hope or wish.

        Sayla's indeed quiet as Leina asks what she thinks. After everything.

        "Well... I don't think you're the sort of adult he would have wanted you to be, at least." Sayla squeezes Leina's shoulder a little. "But right now..." It's a hard question to answer, but Sayla tries. "I think you're still you. I still see parts of the you I saw when you first came to live with me. The parts of you that you developed living here. Even if it's been muted by what you went through, you're still the strong thoughtful, kind woman you have been in all the years I've known you- even if right now there's still barriers in the way."

        Sayla rests her head gently on Leina's. "Even if it's hard... I think the adult you are and the adult you'll be is going to be a woman I'm proud to call my daughter. Even if your brain says otherwise."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

A small nod of confirmation against her shoulder as she says it's just the right amount, but she can feel her intent to tease gathering ahead of time, as her eyes turn up at her preemptively.

And then she makes a small nasally 'snerk' at that.

"Careful, you take him to one of my plays and he'll probably cheer it same as if it's a swim meet every time I'm on stage."

She warns her- because while she was never in any extracurricular activities at school back on Shangri-La, she absolutely believes Judau WOULD show up to cheer her had she been.

Indeed, Sayla falls silent while she speaks on adulthood, and then it's Leina's turn to quiet down, eyes looking upon the album as if contemplating the gap between when she first became a part of her mother's life... and now...

... those eyes close as Sayla starts her answer, another nod against her shoulder. There's a sort of bittersweet feeling about her for a time, before she listens to the whole answer.

"Mmm." She finally utters, as Sayla finishes, and another nod, as she cracks a faint smile - because it's genuinely touching to hear someone say that, no matter how much her head tries to undermine it, "Can't think of a better endorsement than that." She tells her quietly, "Right now I trust... what you think of me, way more than anything that's going on in my head."

She has to.

A hand slowly rests upon Sayla's arm, as she keeps looking down at the photo album. "I set the bar too high." She admits, on the kind of adult she wanted to be, "Was my way of coping with it all... and s'what they used against me."

It's quiet, contemplative, but it lets Sayla know that as much as she doesn't trust herself in this moment, she IS at least thinking about learning from these experiences.

"Too high. Don't know what that means yet I guess- for who I'll be going forward."

Her eyes shift back up to Sayla, "Maybe I'll enjoy the quiet life after all." There's a soft tease, a note of uncertainty. She's really not certain she could live that sort of life.

And in fact, in many ways, because of everything that happened - that's closed off to her.

"Or maybe I'll just actually acknowledge... I've got limits. And sometimes... there's 'good enough.'"

That's a hard thing for her to swallow, she's always been so stubborn... "I don't know, I think- some part of me will never want to stop trying to change things. Just..."

She takes a breath, and smiles thinly at her, "... maybe I won't be so hard on myself if I can't make the impossible possible."

A beat pause as she asks...

"I keep worrying you'll be... secretly disappointed, or something, by that."

<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.

        Sayla can't help but laugh a bit. "I guess I'll have to find some extra chewy caramel or something to sneak in my bag, then. It might muffle him a bit." Being able to joke like this is a good sign too. "Either that or try and convince him to save it up for the bows and give way to the loudest standing ovation your theater has ever heard."

        When Leina rests her hand on Sayla's arm, her free hand moves to rest gently on Leina's. "I'll remind you as many times as you need to hear it. Until you can trust yourself again."

        As Leina goes in to her thoughts about setting the bar too high, Sayla gently squeezes Leina's hand. Another reminder that they are both still here.

        "We'll see when you get there. You have plenty of time to work it out." Still, there's a warm smile on Sayla's face. "If you ultimately decide that a quiet life is what you want, you'd have my support, in a heartbeat." Sayla says, her voice quiet and firm. "And if three weeks later you decide it's not for you, I'd support you on whatever new journey you wanted to embark on." She takes her hand off Leina's, and reaches up briefly to simply... tousle Leina's hair. "You might disappoint me, but not for doing what you really want to do." After all, in all their time together, Sayla had only been disappointed in Leina once.

        And maybe that disappointment hadn't been fair to Leina then, either.

        "I'm talking in circles. Just... I'll always be in your corner, okay?"

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

A small giggle that gets half muffled as she turns her face into her shoulder, like she's experiencing a tiny amount of second hand embarrassment right now. "Be worse after, when you ask him what his favorite part is."

A beat.

"And you realize he didn't understand a word of it, 'cause..." A small snigger before she blurts out, "...because he doesn't speak Spanish!"

As the hand comes to rest on the arm, she tries to steady herself, to anchor her feelings on hers. It's admittedly easier to deal with the negative thoughts in her head-

-so long as she can feel the people around her, it's as if their feelings were still being pitted against what Vist did to her.

It's just, now it's more keeping herself from being lost to them again.

"Mmm- getting there. Feel like we made progress this past week of sessions. So maybe you won't have to tell me for long?"

She smiles at her, before she starts to listen to her validating the possibilities of her choices. It's a simple first step, acknowledging that there is possibility in her future.

As the hand tousles her hair, the smile widens for a moment, before returning back to where it was. "Okay. ... Alright. I believe you."

It's funny, her head, something in it is prodding her that Sayla shouldn't be, that she needs to stay away, that she's not worth her time, or effort.

She forces herself to ignore it in the moment.

There's another, soft nod against her shoulder, "... I know that much, at least. No matter how much I was trying to deny it. I guess, just-"

She stops, thinks about it for a moment, "- Well they made me really stupid about it. But- those thoughts were always there, a little, deep down."

She admits, and there's a quiet sigh, "So maybe I was always a little stupid about it, you know? Uh gah, where was I going with this? Uh-"

She shifts a little in her position of how she's leaning against her, then says gently, "-I won't let thoughts like that, come between us again, promise."

<Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.

        Sayla lets out a bit of a giggle at Leina's assertion. "I dunno, he might be able to pick it up from context. Or we ask Akane to give him a summary during intermission and I think he'll pick it up."

        Even if warmth and kindness weren't the best weapons they had against Vist's cruelty, Sayla would still be offering them freely.

        "I hope so, pollito. Even tonight you're doing a lot better."

        Sayla's hand comes back down, to fully enwrap Leina in a hug. "...I think you might be in good company with people who can be very stupid about things." Sayla seems slightly embarrassed again. But Leina's promise is what matters in the moment. "Thanks, Leina." Maybe that's all that needs to be said tonight, amidst the old photos and the hot drinks and the remains of fiduela. "I believe in you."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

"You think?"

She asks of her doing better, but in the end, she does know it's true. Sayla brings her in for a hug, and, "Mmmm, I was trying not to bring that up."

She says with a faint smile, "We should still talk about that, once I'm in a better state for it, just- please don't dread it. Promise it won't be a talk to fear."

Her arms wrap around her within the hug, "Well. S'good that one of us does right now." She says with a light joke, "Where would I be without my devoted cheer section come my next meet? Going nowhere fast- I'll tell you."

It'll take months for Leina to get back into even, proper weight, and shape for such a thing, but that doesn't matter.

The fact just is, that she will.

And she has the people in her life to thank for that opportunity.