2025-06-17: A Determination I Don't Recognize
- Log: 2025-06-17- A Determination I Don't Recognize
- Cast: Akane Shinjo's friend Ramo Marusa, Rikka Takarada
- Where: Nouvelle Tokyo - Takarada Household
- OOC - IC Date: 0100-06-17
- Summary: Marusan comes to spend a little time with Rikka in the wake of everything that's happened. Rikka opens up to her about her feeling that Akane isn't gone yet; Marusan takes it poorly.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Marusan had intended to meet up with Rikka and Akane this week while she was in town for Yumi Foundation business.
Now it's just Rikka.
Marusan arrives at the Takarada household in... the expected spirits. She'd always thought that once Akane got out of high school, things would be different. Things would be -- better. She'd be safe.
Now, of course, Marusan's friend group has contracted by about 70 percent in the last year -- and all for the same reason. She's holding it together, though the bags under her eyes are more pronounced than ever. She rubs at her shoulder and bicep awkwardly as she waits for Rikka to answer the door, scratching a little at a bandage(?) worn just barely under the cuff of that sleeve, half-visible. (It's summer. She's probably got a bug bite under there or something.)
Her eyes turn up toward the sky, then back down, as she waits.
Rikka receives a text while she's heading to open the door, followed shortly by a few more. It's Aoi Furuya. The text reads, simply:
> I'm so sorry.
> I... want to ask.
> What can I do for you? If you want me in town I'll be on the next maglev. I'm in SAUS right now. There's semi-direct underwater service to Nouvelle.
> If you don't want me there I understand.
> ... I know this is too little too late. It should have been her that I said this to.
> But whatever you need, I'll do my best to provide.
> Tell me... how you see the situation.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
It feels as if this meet-up was planned in a different world, at a different time. The Rikka of back then and the Rikka right now feel like two very different people. Would she recognize her if she saw herself?
A part of her isn't feeling up to this... but, she can imagine how Marusan must be feeling, as one of Akane's friends and someone who's been going through so much already. She isn't going to be the one to turn her away - and tidying up the place to get it ready for her does, at least, give her something else to put her mind toward that isn't what's been plaguing her mind every other waking thought.
...But, she got everything ready pretty far ahead of the appointed meet-up time and she's already fed Balam, which means that there's an agonizing period of time where there isn't much for her to do but... wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And - it's almost a mercy when she does finally arrive. Rikka forces herself up off the couch with some effort, and starts toward the door... but then is interrupted, by the sound of a text.
She reaches for her phone, checking to make sure it isn't from Marusan... but then she sees who it is from. Rikka breathes in sharply, shutting her eyes tight as frustration crosses her face. Now she texts her...? Why now? If she'd texted sooner or more often -
...No. No, she shouldn't be mad at her for this. She's been... trying. And Rikka wasn't the only one who lost someone.
She opens the message - and her expression becomes significantly more complicated, and just a little guilty at her own thoughts. She hesitates for a second before messaging her back.
> It's okay. You don't have to do anything.
> It's not that. If
She hesitates for a second, debating on whether she should extend the offer...
> If you need to talk, you have my number. If you want to do it in person, that's fine, too.
How she sees the situation... How does she even explain it? That hurt that she can't be certain is even real that tells her she's still out there somewhere, in distress...? Can she really tell her about how it's tearing her apart?
> I don't know
>I can't... explain it right now.
>Or
>I don't know how to.
> Just
> Wait
> A little longer.
> Please.
Rikka puts away her phone again with an exhale - and then moves to open the door for Marusan.
Rikka... has certainly seen better days, herself. Since she was expecting company she made the effort to clean up, but it's there in the way her hairstyle is just a little off, and doesn't quite have its usual sheen. Enough days have passed that the redness is gone, but she's clearly been losing sleep, herself.
"Sorry for the wait... Hi, Marusan. It's good to see you again." Rikka apologises. There's an awkward pause - and then Rikka steps aside, to let her in.
"Come on in. Do you, um... do you want anything to drink...?" She asks.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
The texts come right back. Aoi is present for probably the first time in her life, at a moment where it's absolutely -- as far as anyone knows for certain, anyway -- too late.
> Of course.
> Take as much time as you need.
> Stay safe.
When the door opens, Marusan takes a few steps in. "Yeah, same," she affirms, at the comment that it's good to see her again; she really wants to be near someone who knew Akane right now. It makes the loss easier to swallow, and Ako couldn't sync up for this one.
She looks around, saying, "This really is a nice house... you two were really building a nice life for yourselves." Her gaze tracks through the small window in the door out to the garage, seeing half-painted MR-1 panels before immediately looking away sharply. That's too much. With a sigh, she finally adds, "Water's fine. I could kinda go for melon soda, but I doubt you two were keeping much carbonated around."
Up the stairs to the second floor, then. She heads for the sitting room, looking down.
"What a shitty year," she says, eyes turning downward slightly. "I still can't believe she's gone." Her shoulders slump. "It feels so mean. Like -- she finally stopped being the suicidal weirdo shutting herself up in smaller and smaller rooms, and then it happens. I wonder if she'd have found it kind of funny... that was always kinda her sense of humor."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka stares at those texts for a moment longer.
>Thank you. You too.
And then, she puts her phone on silent.
Marusan echoes her sentiments and Rikka nods. She comments on the house, and the life they were building for themselves...
...It takes her a second to be able to respond to that.
"...Yeah. We a- we were." Rikka agrees quietly. Still are. She hopes that's the case. She catches Marusan's look off to the side, toward the garage.
The half-painted panels... It's hard for her to look at them, too. The project they were working on together.
She doesn't comment on it - instead, she shakes her head when Marusan comments on melon soda.
"No, sorry..." She apologises. "...I can, uh. Start keeping some around."
She detours for just a moment to grab a cold water for herself and for Marusan before following her up the stairs. She's quiet for a moment, before nodding.
"...Yeah. It is." She offers her the water before taking a seat. She manages a small laugh at her comment. "...She probably would. She was always saying things that I'd have to double-take at, like... 'you went there'? ...But laugh at, despite myself."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Marusan can tell that she brought a ghost up to a much greater extent than she meant to. She shifts uneasily, and is very glad to have the chance to sit down rather than press that too hard. The topic of melon soda is easier. "It's fine. I'm not gonna be in town for super long. I'll pick some up myself," Marusan says, shaking her head and waving it off.
What do you even say in moments like these? Marusan's grateful to have the water, because it gives her a chance to sip and think. ... and smile, a little, at the laugh.
It's silent and awkward for a while. The hand not holding the water comes to rest on the couch, index and middle finger held together, tap-tap-tapping with awkward, nervous energy.
... well, she's going to have to open this door sooner or later, she realizes. "I'm... really, really sorry. If you need anything, let me know," she starts. "I..." Her shoulders draw up and back -- a small, delicate motion -- as she adds, "I've had to help with a lot of funerals this year. I'm getting -- okay at it. If you need help scheduling, or getting out of the wedding venue..."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"Alright." Rikka replies with a nod. The offer is still on the table if she wants it, but she doesn't bring it up again - instead, taking the opportunity, like Marusan, to sip at her water and use it to fill space as the silence extends out awkwardly. Just the two of them, sitting there in silence not being sure what to say - or what they even should or shouldn't say.
Rikka stops mid-sip as Marusan apologizes. Another apology... she wonders when she's going to hear the end of them.
"Thank you." Rikka replies with a nod, almost mechanically. She does appreciate it, even if they've started to wear her down. She's being polite, they all are. "I'm... sorry for you, too."
She looks toward Marusan, at the way her shoulders are drawn back. ...Funerals...
Rikka stares into her water bottle for a moment.
...She hasn't thought about that. She hasn't let herself think about it yet. Partly due to that agonizing feeling inside of her that tells her she's still out there somewhere, somehow... and partly because it's too much to think about.
She looks away from Marusan for a moment, idling running her thumb across Akane's ring, rotating it gently back and forth for a moment.
"...Thank you. But... I'm not cancelling it."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
It's easy to tell that the apologies are fraying Rikka's nerves. Marusan elects not to double down on hers, just giving her a quiet nod and then sipping at her water again. She lets Rikka have the time to think -- and eventually, to speak.
Marusan's eyes track down to the movement. Then... halfway back up -- just high enough to see Rikka's lips start to move. And what she hears --
"What?"
It comes out before Marusan even has a chance to think about it; the idea is so shocking to her, as someone who's seen loss after loss in the last year and gotten really good at keeping herself going by orienting on the practical, that it's just -- out, immediately. "What? I mean, it's one thing if you want to keep the hotel venue, I get why you'd want to have that earmarked for getting together with her friends or -- something, but -- you know you have to cancel the shrine at least --"
Her eyes finish tracking up, and she can tell Rikka's not saying this from a practical, 'well, we can have a memorial service instead' place. Part of her wants to extend her the credit anyway, but that part isn't what gets to drive here.
For a few seconds, she just sits there stunned. Then: "You're. You're serious, aren't you." She sets down her water, trying to remain calm. "This -- you get it, right? That she's dead. I know it can take a minute but this is an area where you have to actually act like you know what that means."
Her gaze rests on Rikka, as she tries desperately to stop herself from getting mad -- and finds she can't. "You're really just going to waste -- everyone's time, and millions of yen, some of which isn't yours, on, just. Not accepting this. That's really what's happening here. Just -- really. That's it, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Marusan's shocked 'what?' draws Rikka's attention back to her. Keeping the hotel together, or earmarking the day for getting together with friends... Even if Marusan hadn't already pieced it together herself, the way Rikka looks away at that might make it clear.
"...I am." Rikka confirms with a nod. Marusan spells it out - she's dead. She has to actually act like she knows what that means. Rikka frowns, looking away from her toward the water bottle.
"That's not..." She starts. Her brow furrows for a moment.
"...It's not a waste, I-" Rikka starts. She stops herself for a second. "I just - I know what they saw. I know what everyone said, and what we heard, but -"
She hesitates for a second, resting a hand over her heart and gripping tightly at the fabric of her shirt.
"I can feel her. She's... still out there, somehow. I can't... I can't just give up on her." Rikka explains, shaking her head. "...I have to keep it open."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Marusan lets Rikka speak, but she looks at her incredulously the entire time. She sees the distress, that bunched-up fabric, that anxiety -- but even if Marusan's always been a little more aware than many... she doesn't feel it in her gut like Rikka seems to. And right now --
Marusan shifts away from Rikka on the couch a little. Just a skosh. "You can't give up? On -- look, I called 3G when I heard, because I didn't believe it either. There were bones, and not enough of them." Heat starts to creep into her voice, little by little. "You're so fucking selfish. What am I supposed to tell Ako? 'Yeah, let's keep our schedule open in August, Rikka's busy mistaking denial for a gut feeling'? How is that fair to her? To any of us? What the hell?"
Marusan takes a drink of water in a desperate bid to cut her own momentum. It doesn't help; the instant it's down she's right back at it. "You're a leader of people. What fires are you not putting out because you're dumping all this emotional energy into mining out denial super hard?" The feelings are just -- coming out now. "If we were still in high school this would maybe be fine but this is just -- selfish and pathetic and mean!"
She stands up, taking a deep breath. "Look. You feel however you want, but I -- I should probably go, until you're ready to stop being delusional about this."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka feels Marusan shift away, and that causes her to look up. She sees that look on her face. Rikka inhales sharply.
"...I know. I heard. I was there. But-" Rikka starts, shaking her head - and it's her turn to stare incredulously. Marusan's words are like a verbal slap to the face as she declares her selfish.
"Selfish? Look. I'm just..." She starts trailing off. Marusan takes a drink of water to stop herself, but it starts right up again. Rikka's eyes narrow. As Marusan's voice heats up, chill starts to creep into Rikka's.
"...Seriously? Is that what you think of me? Where do you think that energy's going? Do you think I decided to just drop everything to think about it? Do you want me to just shut my feelings down?" Rikka asks. "If I wasn't here meeting you today, I'd be at work right now. So don't talk about me like you know what I do."
Marusan stands up, and -
"Delusional?" Rikka repeats. "...You don't know how this feels."
Rikka stands up.
"I can feel her in every waking moment, her distress and terror... Even when I shut my eyes. It's tearing me apart inside. It's not something I can shove into a box and pretend I'm not feeling." She replies.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Rikka finally manages to put herself together enough to respond, and Marusan at least lets her fire back -- part of her feels like she is, herself, way out of pocket, but part of her thinks it'll be better for Rikka to finally get this out. Maybe it'll lead to putting that ghost to rest.
Balam peeks out of the cat forest for a moment.
"Sure, but what are you actually doing with that time? Are you working on actual work or just figuring out how to blow the OCU's grey budget on finding a dead woman because you can't get over yourself for two seconds?" Marusan rolls her eyes.
Balam immediately decides to continue hiding in the cat forest.
Marusan takes a few steps around Rikka -- back toward the stairwell. "I hate what this is doing to you, but you're just -- rolling around in it. It's sad, but it's also -- what am I supposed to even say to something like this? You can do what you want with it, but the first step toward it not tearing you apart like that is admitting what's going on. That's not her. That's just you."
Marusan's heels click-click-click on the hardwood floors. "Nothing I say is going to get through to you, right now, is it? I should just go. I'm not playing along with -- this -- whatever -- this is."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"'Get over myself'? God, really?" Rikka repeats. She puts a hand to her forehead, shutting her eyes and shaking her head. "Sorry, I'm not about to read it all out for you so you can tell me how it means I'm actually just being selfish."
Marusan takes a few steps around her - and Rikka steps aside, letting her pass. She's not going to stop her from leaving. She says she hates what this is doing to her - and Rikka's face screws up at that.
"Do you?" Rikka asks. "Or does it just make you feel better about how you're feeling?"
She shakes her head.
"This is me admitting it. You're the first person I've told about this because I was afraid of this exact conversation. I was hoping I'd be wrong." She shuts her eyes tight for a moment - and then sits back down.
"No. It isn't. Maybe you should." Rikka replies. "I'm not going to change the way I feel for you."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Marusan takes the most direct route she's offered. It's... probably for the best. She starts back toward the stairwell, but she's not going to be silent about it --
-- not least because Rikka cuts straight to bone with her own question. Marusan winces a little, and while she's looking away from Rikka, it comes up into her neck and shoulders enough that it'd be hard to miss even for an Oldtype.
"That -- you --" Marusan knows, on some level, that she's been spotted... but what that entails is something she can't open up right now, so instead of persisting, she goes on the offense one last time. "At least I'm actually paying attention to the world around me," Marusan shoots back, rubbing at her bicep a little. "Fine. I'll go. Good luck. I'm going to be in town for a couple days. Call me if you decide you need help with things that actually need to get done. I guess I have to tell Ako about this."
She doesn't say anything else; she walks down the stairs, still frustrated, still on the verge of shouting something even worse -- but manages to keep it together until she's out, at least.
After the door shuts, Balam finally pokes his head out again, cautiously.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka can see it, and she can feel it - the way Marusan winces, the movement in her neck and shoulders... She can tell she's hit her where it hurts. A part of her feels triumphant - though she feels guilty about that a moment later. Marusan's words, though, dull that guilt somewhat.
"You keep telling yourself that. Looking everywhere but inwards isn't any better." Rikka replies with a shake of her head.
"...Fine." Rikka replies. "Good luck to you, too. Have a safe trip back."
She does, legitimately, mean that - even if it partially carries the implication that she doesn't expect to call her, the last thing she wants is for anything bad to happen to her.
Ako... Rikka frowns, but she can't tell her not to.
"...At least tell her I said 'hi', too." She says.
She watches - and then, once she's out of view, listens to her leave. And once the door shuts... Rikka sinks into the couch, shutting her eyes tight and covering them with her arms.
...She shifts, a moment later, looking up at Balam and offering him a weak, unconvincing smile.
"I'm... really sorry you had to witness that." She apologises. She extends a hand to beckon him over - and then, whether he does or not, she draws in on herself, quietly sobbing angry tears as she vents the last of her pent-up frustration from the conversation, alone with just the two of them.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Balam trundles over; he's always liked Rikka, but he's been having a rough go of it, too. Akane's always been the night owl between the two of them, and Balam's had a couple of lonely hours off and on where he expects to get spoiled (and bothered, and have his dumb little arms picked up and get made to do the kitty cat dance) and just isn't.
He hops up with Rikka, purring softly into her side as she cries.
Evening ends. The night returns.
Akane doesn't.