2024-09-18: Flight Home
- Log: 2024-09-18: Flight Home
- Cast: Akane Shinjo, Rikka Takarada
- Where: Haunzen-class Luxury Passenger Shuttle
- OOC - IC Date: 0099-09-18
- Summary: After a two-week period of (mostly) vacation, it's Akane and Rikka's time to fly home. Seeing that aerial view of Grande Cote brings back memories... memories that after Break the World, Akane isn't ready to handle alone. Instead, they'll handle them together.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
All things must come to an end -- so too, then, does this trip to Senegal. The crushing weight of the Break the World Incident, while still present, no longer feels quite so paralyzing. Akane's ready to face the post-Break the World... ... world, at least.
One of the small but notable perks of flying with 3G's Chief is flying in luxury -- especially given the destination. First class flights to and from Senegal are still common and comparatively cheap, even for airlines based in the OCU; the pair's shuttle has 50 passengers rather than hundreds, and the seats are very plush indeed.
Akane's chosen to stand up and walk around a bit; there are still a few things they have to see. The last time they were here, they said they'd see that overlook again when they could appreciate it a little more, after all -- and a nice flight is a great opportunity for that.
Standing in the hallway outside the main cabin (yes, the shuttle is that big and that nice) Akane leans against the railing, looking out the plane windows. There's a bit of a wistful expression on her face.
"It really was a lot nicer from the ground," Akane muses aloud, as she stays settled there. "I had a really good time... even the work stuff was pretty nice."
She pushes a hand through her brown-black hair, then scoots closer to her travel partner. "... really looking forward to getting back to Japan, though..."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
The trip draws to a close. There's a part of Rikka that's happy to be getting back home, and a part of her that's sad they have to leave. She greatly misses Balam, at this point, and their apartment, and even the university building... but she's had such a great time here, and it has helped draw her out of the feelings that seemed too heavy to bear following Break the World.
The shuttle is nice, at least. ...Almost too nice, really. She feels a little out of place. There's a part of her that's always going to be the girl who was brought up in a junk shop, to whom a trip in a shuttle like this was only a dream. And yet, here she is. It's fine, she supposes - they definitely deserve to treat themselves on the way back.
And so, Rikka joins Akane in the hallway, looking out the window alongside her as the city that holds so many memories for them grows smaller.
"It was." Rikka agrees. "...I never thought it'd be so incredible. I wasn't sure what I pictured... but it was nice."
She nods her agreement as Akane said she had a good time.
"I did, too. I'm really glad you gave me that push. I think we needed this." Rikka agrees, and cracks a slight smile. "Yeah. You did great, by the way."
Even if it didn't work out the way they wanted, she was still impressed by the way she handled the meeting.
Akane scoots closer and Rikka looks her way, offering her a full smile, now - and a small laugh.
"Me too. It'll be nice to get back home." She agrees.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"That's the Federation for you, I guess. They really invested a lot in Dakar," Akane thinks aloud. She scoots a little closer to Rikka as she does so, adjusting her jacket. (In a place like this, she'd feel weird if she wasn't wearing something nice, so it's the same office-lady look she had at the meeting with Lady Cagalli.)
"Ehehe... I mean, there were a few intelligence failures, but we recovered OK! You did a really solid job, too... I think the job is working out for you." A slow, deep breath follows, as she looks out over the sea. Seeing the view of Grande Cote again from up here, like this... it's a lot.
It nudges her thoughts toward events -- old and recent alike. ... Something starts gnawing at her. She tries to shove it down, but... it's never going to be something she has a perfect time for.
"I... maybe now isn't the best time, but," Akane starts, as her gaze turns out the window. She swallows. "There's -- it's, it's something about -- how you... at Junius 7. I brought it up to Leina when we were texting late at night, but..." Usually Akane has a much better grasp on her words than this; even when she's strained, she can be clear, even poetic. Whatever it is that she wants to get out... must be a complicated feeling indeed.
"It's -- I know it's, it's good, and it's how you can... fight, guys like that guy we had to fight off... it's better than if you were crying about it all the time... b-but... When you..." She shifts her weight to one side, then the other. Again, she tries looking out toward the coast.
It doesn't last. She looks back to Rikka. "When I realized you approved the HADES on your own -- it's not that, I don't, I didn't think it was a bad idea... you were even really stable for running it, but it's just..."
One more look out the window.
It's a bad idea. The transport continues its gradual acceleration and the sun hits the coastline, the wreckage from Break The World not so different from the wreckage of their battle at Dakar, now more than two years behind them...
... and everything they're talking about adds up with that...
Akane can't handle it anymore. She turns to Rikka, eyes watering, and when she tries to meet her eyes, she can't quite make it. Instead, she wraps her arms around Rikka, fingers digging in just a little.
"I duh -- I don't, I don't," she stammers, before her body lurches with a sob. She's making a scene. Her father always told her not to. (He didn't do it quite as much once she came out to him... but by then, she'd already started atrophying enough to stop crying in public.) "Don't let them take you away again," she whimpers, pathetic even to her own ears. One of the hands gripping Rikka slides down, and Akane pounds it into her own thigh once, twice -- but all that does is coax another sob out of her. "I don't want, I don't... I'm scared wuh-wuh-one day the stuff they did to you is just, it's going to -- it's going to snap, or you'll approve the HADES again and run it too hard, and, and --"
She can't bring herself to say the rest of it. It's a million things at once. Akane can't bring herself to say the rest of it, bringing her arm back up to hold Rikka and pleading, "D-don't let them hurt you anymore... I'm -- I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...!!" as she gradually slides down, still gripping Rikka tight as she starts wailing right there in the hallway.
Once upon a time, Akane said she wanted to rewatch the second half of Truthseeker Serena with Rikka before they saw it as a stage play. She wanted to make sure Rikka didn't hit something triggering while they were out together.
She never took the time to wonder about her own landmines -- and now she's hit one, and here she is, sobbing into Rikka's chest in a place they can't leave, paralyzed by all the fear and guilt she stuffed down.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"Yeah, they did." Rikka replies with a small laugh. Akane scoots even closer, and Rikka nods.
"Yeah. I think... we still did well." She agrees, and then pauses, with a smile. "You think so? I'm glad. I worry a little how people look at me, sometimes. I'm no Guy, or Taiga..."
She follows Akane's gaze out over the sea, across Grande Cote. It's a familiar sight... and in Akane, it seems to stir something up.
"Hm?" Rikka looks toward her as she starts to bring something up... and when she continues, when she hears how strained it is, how much effort she has to put into asking... and when she hears her mention Junius 7, Rikka turns to face her fully.
It was something she had to bring up to Leina... And it hits her, when Akane finally gets the words out. The way she fought - the way she approved HADES on her own... Rikka's eyes open wide in realisation and horror at what she's done without thinking - and then Akane wraps her arms around her, clinging, digging, stammering and sobbing.
Akane's making a scene - but that thought never enters Rikka's head.
Not when Akane's here, begging her not to take her away - her fears like a jab at her heart.
Akane slides down, and Rikka carefully lowers herself down with her.
This isn't- ...She never meant to make her feel this way. She hadn't thought about it - how Akane would feel, what she would think...
Rikka wraps her arms around her shoulders, holding her tight.
"Akane..." Rikka murmurs quietly. How long had she had been holding this in? How long had this been building up, until she couldn't hold it in anymore...?
"I'm sorry." Rikka apologises. "I never noticed..."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane sobs into Rikka's shoulder, leaning into her as they sit on the hallway floor. Someone passing through toward the bathroom gives the two of them a bit of a stink-eye, pressing against one wall of the transport a bit to get around them. Akane doesn't notice.
It takes her nearly a minute to stop sobbing; she takes a breath, and then a moment later...
... starts crying again. It's fainter, though.
Another minute passes, and after another ragged breath, she manages words again. "I-it's okay, it's okay," she stammers out, though her fingers still dig in. It takes her a few moments to realize that that's happening -- she opens her hands, takes another breath, and starts to restabilize.
"I-it's... it's really okay, just... I'm scared for you," she says, trying very hard to level off. "I don't..."
Her eyes shut for a few moments. "You... L-Leina said, when we were working through it, that... maybe I don't... maybe we haven't been thinking about what it means to be, or be with, s-someone... someone 'different.' Like... with... brainwave, stuff. She... might kind of be right. And, with everything that happened to -- to both of us..."
... Akane has a complicated past of her own, of course. She's not blind to the fact. It's entirely possible she's given Rikka similar cause to worry, she realizes, as she tries to talk through it. "... When we get back, I -- we should... do something about it. I don't know -- what. All the kaiju stuff... all the stuff in my head, all the stuff in your head... H-HADES is, r... really risky, too --" Something hits her. "... Galactron might be, too..."
Her thoughts keep jumbling up. They need to do - something, instead of just catastrophize, but, what can they do?
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka doesn't even spare them a glance. They don't matter, right now. She stays there, holding onto her, as the minutes pass. And, eventually, Akane manages words again.
It's okay. Rikka thinks about that for a moment.
"...It's okay if it isn't." She murmurs. It's okay if she's not okay. But she nods as Akane says she's scared for her, and listens as she continues.
...The talk she had with Leina... Rikka rolls it over in her head, a complicated expression crossing her face. But she listens as Akane continues. They should do something about it. Everything in their heads... and the risks they face, between HADES and Galactron.
"...Yeah. Yeah, you're right." She agrees quietly. "We can... look into it. Figure things out."
She hesitates for a moment.
"...I think she's right, too. We've never really... sat down and talked about what it means for us, have we?" She asks. "...I've been scared, I guess. Scared of what it might mean."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
It's okay that it isn't okay... that's reassuring, and actually does more to stabilize Akane than any amount of insistence on her own part does. While her breathing stays irregular, she's... bit by bit, getting herself level, as the two of them talk about it.
"W-we can look at it when we get home," Akane says. They don't need an answer here, on the plane -- just... enough to start looking. 3G has cutting-edge medical technology. They can figure something out. These long-term consequences aren't as much Akane's area of expertise; even where her Intelligence work deals with stabilizing complicated prisoners, the focus she has is primarily the short term.
The same person emerges from the bathroom, once again having to squeeze by the girls. This time, Akane does notice, and flinches away -- and then forces herself to stand up.
"What do you think it could mean that's scary?" Akane asks, genuinely confused; she doesn't fully understand her own feelings, but maybe part of that is that she hasn't opened herself up to that level of connection with Rikka outside of a crisis, even as close as they've gotten.
She leans against the window again. The world feels like it's at least in focus, even if her heart is still racing and every part of her is screaming that even talking about this -- let alone here -- is a bad idea.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"Yeah." Rikka agrees with a nod. It's a direction. A start. And it'd be easier to figure things out with people they can ask, people they trust who might know more than they do.
Someone squeezes through - and as Akane stands up, Rikka does, too, leaning against the railing once more.
What does she think it means... Akane's confusion causes Rikka to hesitate, for a moment, wondering if she should've brought it up - but she manages to push through it, though it takes her a moment longer to put her thoughts together.
"...Opening myself up that much, I guess." Rikka says. "That it'll... change things. Change us."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"... yeah," Akane murmurs, softly. "I -- I get it." For a long time, she's silent. That silence stretches on, as she digests the thought.
Her eyes shut, and she eventually offers a question -- one that's been asked of her in therapy before.
"What if it's better?" It's as much for herself as for Rikka. It'd be easy to think of all the ways that that kind of openness could make them worse -- but are those likely? Are they worth considering?
"The last time we were... really open to each other like that," she thinks aloud, "was with Gridman, during that... beam, or whatever." A terrifying moment -- but also a liberatory one, ultimately. The sort of growth that only comes from that level of openness. "And that's... still a really important moment to me."
Opening her eyes again, she says, "I dunno... how we'd do that. But we should try to figure it out instead of just running away."
Orie had told her that one of the reasons she trusted Akane comes from the proof that she won't run away when things get hard. ... Sounds like she'll need to live up to that.
Turning it over in her head some more, Akane volunteers, "... when I wanted to show those guys with the kaiju who I am -- meet them with what's inside my heart... my outfit kind of looked like this." She reaches into her skirt pocket (yes, pockets! she had to look, but she's got 'em!) and pulls out a familiar transit pass case.
"Maybe we gotta start with just... admitting how big of a part of each other's hearts we really are." Everything else can come later.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Akane gets it. That helps. But...
'What if it's better?'
Rikka pauses for a moment. What if it's better...? She looks at Akane, really looks at her, as she continues.
"...I remember that." Rikka replies. How could she not? She remembers that day so vividly. It was important for her, too. She remembers how she felt.
She's quiet for a moment longer as Akane suggests they should try to figure it out instead of just running away. And as she continues...
Akane had told her before that her outfit was based off the pass holder - but when she puts it like that, that she was meeting them with what's inside her heart... it feels a lot larger, so much more significant. Rikka breathes in - and she reaches out, gently running a hand across the pass holder.
How long has it been, now? She's had it for several years... and yet there it is, with all the care that's been put into it. It was a moment that meant so much for both of them - and thinking about it, tears come to her eyes, unconsciously.
And then she breathes in - and nods.
"...Yeah. Yeah." Rikka says, looking back up at Akane. "...You're right."
They shouldn't run away.
"Because you've always been there for me, too." She says, resting her hand over her heart.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane nods to Rikka, starting to stabilize more and more. As Rikka's hand runs across her gift -- the gift to move forward -- Akane blushes a little; she can't quite help herself. Shuffling a few inches closer, she looks into Rikka's eyes as she looks up.
"... We should go sit back down. We've still got a couple hours of flight to go," she says, with a little sniffle. Looking out the window one last time -- now well past Grande Cote, passing over the Mediterranean Sea -- she says, "W-we don't really get our money's worth on this thing unless we get food, you, you know...! Ahaha..."
Moving closer to Rikka, Akane leans in and gives her a quick -- if shaky -- peck on the cheek. "S-" She interrupts herself, and tries again, "... Thank you."
... she's not back at one hundred percent, still -- not really. The tension still weighs in her shoulders.
... but maybe now they really can start to leave Grande Cote in the distance, bit by bit.
With a transit pass, they can go wherever they like.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Akane shuffles closer, looking into her eyes. Rikka looks back - and nods, when Akane says they should go sit back down.
"...Yeah." She agrees with a nod, follows Akane's eyes out toward the sea. She looks back, then, laughing just a bit as Akane manages a joke. "I guess we should take advantage of it while we can."
Akane moves in closer - then leans in, with a peck on the cheek. Rikka smiles.
"Of course. And... thank you, too." Rikka replies, and then she reaches out, offering her her hand.
Wherever they decide to go, that's how it starts - extending a hand to go there together.