2024-09-02: A Currency for Someone Else's Despair
- Log: 2024-09-03: A Currency for Someone's Despair
- Cast: Flay Allster, Rena Lancaster
- Where: United Emirates of Orb
- OOC - IC Date: September 2, 0099
- Summary: Four days after the world broke, Flay and Rena meet to share their thoughts about everything that happened, and what the world will have to overcome next. Even if they don't end up taking the same path in the end, they both agree that the cycle of hatred that led to this needs to be cut off.
<Pose Tracker> Flay Allster has posed.
Four days ago, the world broke.
And four days ago, those who gathered, across political lines, collectively watched in horror as their efforts to prevent the tombstone of Junius Seven from breaching the atmosphere was met with malice. It wasn't long after she returned to the Aion that Flay Allster put in a request for leave following the immediate aftermath. Everything already felt like a blur... she did push herself to a Natural's limits in her own attempt to protect as many people as she could, and she was aware that once those chunks struck the Earth, there was nothing more she could do with the Strike.
It was the NUNE that took the majority of the damage, with large chunks of Britannia, the REA, and the AEU turning into craters overnight. But the Allster family mansion was in Orb, which suffered next to nothing in damages in comparison. Isn't it a little bitter that a perpetually empty home was left unscathed, while others had to lose everything? When she was asked to comment on the situation on behalf of the Gaia Sabers, Flay could only insist that the world has to remain united to solve this crisis, and that she already saw the ones responsible pay with their lives with her own eyes.
Today though, she's meeting someone a little more privately - and off-the-record, booking a semi-formal local cafe in Orb for exactly that purpose. After all, the person she's meeting, Captain Rena Lancaster of the MDF, isn't usually the type a Gaia Saber would converse with. It was difficult to access her contact information, since the MDF is unrecognized by NUNE as it is. But Flay can't forget that Rena was the one who saved her life, and if it's on neutral ground, it wouldn't feel right if she didn't speak with her after the battle. Flay waits for Rena with a single, half-finished iced coffee on her plate. The cafe's radio is set to Orb politics, pundits discussing their own hot-button issue: accession to the NUNE.
'That's why we need to join as soon as possible. If we don't act now, Orb will be their next target! Can we really put the ideals of a dead man over the well-being of our people?'
Flay was a politician's daughter. She's gotten pretty good at tuning it out.
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
It's been a busy four days for Rena.
She wishes she could say that she was running relief missions -- but the damage was largely in NUNE territories, and NUNE did not want assistance from the Magallanica Defense Fore. That meant it boiled down to making sure that Terminal's forces didn't poke the bear and were ready.
And there was sorting her own feelings out. Feelings about killing to save someone else; feelings about failing to stop Junius 7. She got the worst of those feelings out of her system.
The hard part is the feelings that linger in her mind, the doubts and worries and hurt.
When Flay reached out for a meeting, she accepted; there was no question about that.
She arrives at the cafe, wearing a black button-up shirt and blue jeans. No danger of being in a uniform and making someone look twice.
She enters -- and there's a frown, at what the news says -- before she goes towards the table.
She is shorter in person. She lifts a hand in a wave and smiles. "Miss Allster," she says. "You look like... ah, well, I hope you're doing okay as you can. In the circumstances."
<Pose Tracker> Flay Allster has posed.
NUNE has its pride - the information control would have you believe that this is simultaneously a catastrophic attack against NUNE, and something only they can handle. But watching Junius Seven fall from above with your own eyes, and seeing all your efforts rejected and denied leaves a strong impression. But since Rena accepted her invitation... maybe they'd be able to come up with an answer together.
Even without the pilot suit or the uniform, Flay immediately recognizes Rena from the video comms - the streak of red in her hair stands out just enough. Flay's own dress is a simple black today, in contrast to her usually aggressively colourful fashion. It'd stand out to wear a Gaia Sabers uniform in Orb, too... at least for now it would.
Flay manages a smile of her own, as Rena approaches her. "Ms. Lancaster," She's careful enough not to turn eyes by using her formal title. "Could be better... but I think I could say the same to you. I bet it's been pretty complicated for you and your... partner? Partners?" She hides her expression with her cup. "Sorry, I don't really know how it works." Despite that, she does kind of envy having people to confide in.
But rather than lingering on it, she decides to tell Rena what she couldn't after Junius Seven fell. "I wish we were able to save more people up there, and it's pretty selfish of me to say it, but..." She places her cup down, and clasps her hands together. "I'm grateful for the decision you made. I wouldn't be here without you, so..." She trails off, not sure where to actually end that thought.
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
Rena adjusts her hair a little -- moving her ponytail to hang behind her back, rather than over her shoulder. Then she takes a seat, with a smile that's equal parts tired and sad. "You called it," she says. There's a moment's hesitation, then.
Ah, right. Explanations.
"Partners," she says. "I'm dating them, they're not dating each other. But... yeah. It's been complicated for all of us."
She hesitates for a moment, then. She isn't quite sure what Flay will say. She doesn't think -- she hopes -- that it wasn't the wrong thing to do. But deciding to take someone's life, to save them...
It could put a burden on the saved.
"I'm... I wish there'd been a way I saw to end it that didn't end with his life being taken," Rena says. "But I didn't see a way. And his intentions..."
There's a flicker in her eyes. She remembers it, for a moment; the moment her beam saber slammed into the E-Phas's cockpit.
"Your life is yours, not currency for someone else's despair. So..." She smiles, again, though it's not a happy smile. "It's a decision I stand by."
<Pose Tracker> Flay Allster has posed.
Flay notes the sadness in Rena's expression that she can only really see from a certain angle. She remembers what Rena said about smiling even when there's nothing to be happy about. It really has been weighing on her, hasn't it?
If it weren't for the current circumstances, Flay might have had more to say about Rena's relationship situation. But when she thinks about it, it actually sounds like a pretty good arrangement for Rena, all things considered. For now, though, she just nods.
She realizes too, that she's put Rena on the spot a little by thanking her so suddenly like this. If anything, it might be a burden to be shared between the saved and the saviour. She knows how heavily it weighs on someone to take a life... but the last thing she wants to do is repeat the same mistake with Rena as with Kira.
"I thought everything would finally be all right if I was the one to kill him. I was trying so hard, but..." Her own memory of it is from a very different angle from Rena's, remembering the pressure of being pushed towards the Distortion Field more than anything, but she'll never be able to forget it, either. "I couldn't do it!"
Rena's words about her life being her own, more than a currency for someone's despair sparks some thought, as she pushes that horrible memory away. They're words that will likely stick with her for a long time. "I think... I understand." She frowns. "When Nicol died, I promised him I wouldn't forget about his song. But you can't live only for the dead, either, right?"
She looks to Rena again. "I have to admit... I'm pretty scared about where the world's heading. And I don't really know what I'm supposed to do next. But you saw that whirlpool of hatred too, right?" She looks to Rena, with a blink. Perhaps she means that rejecting force against the Psychofield. "I want to prove it wrong."
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
Trying to make a miracle happen and have it blow up is something Rena Lancaster hasn't -- and won't, for awhile -- recover from.
She quiets down, though, at what Flay says. That she had been trying to kill him, but couldn't. She hesitates for a moment, before she shakes her head. "It's... it's okay to not be able to kill someone," she says. "I've had to a few times, now. I don't think it should ever be easy... and I don't think it's something we should do to pass judgment."
She exhales. "In my case, I didn't think, 'Nicol deserves to die.' I thought... he was going to try to kill you -- and to make sure Junius Seven fell. And there were only a few seconds to stop him..." Rena quiets for a moment. "...And the damage we'd done wasn't enough. I wanted to make sure you lived, and I saw... there was only one way to stop it in time, in the moment."
Now, maybe, she'd find a better way. But after days of thinking on it is a different thing, and she doesn't indulge that.
"You're right," she adds. "You can't live for the dead. You have to live for you."
Then -- there's a moment of hesitation. There is a flicker of trauma at the mention of that whirlpool; one hand comes to her chest, over where the Psychoframe crystal shard is, behind her shirt.
"Yeah," she says. Her voice is quiet. "This... was already bad enough. A lot of people will be angry -- and rightly, I think. But that... that feeling." She trails off; the look in her brown eyes was distant. "That was different. It had... a will behind it. I want to prove it wrong, too, but..."
She glances to the side. "I don't know what it is, and that scares me."
<Pose Tracker> Flay Allster has posed.
Flay listens quietly, and carefully to Rena's words about the decision to take someone's life. It's not like Nicol was the first life she tried to take, she's aimed a gun with the intent to kill for the wrong reasons many times. But Nicol wasn't the first person Rena had to kill, either. Flay glances sideways when Rena explains her reasons. "It was to protect," Flay concludes. "That's why I had to make sure... that miracle didn't kill you in return."
Rena agrees that you can't live for the dead. "This whole time, I was caught up on getting revenge. But now... that has to change doesn't it?" Nicol is dead now, but it didn't exactly feel like avenging her father. "If that's what it's going to take, then I guess it's time to figure out what it even means to live for yourself."
Flay does notice the hesitation in Rena's posture, the way her hand seems to cover something that's hidden. She frowns. "They were trying to start another war by doing this." She nods slowly, about the people's anger. "I really hope they don't get their way."
But Rena says there's something more to it, and Flay gives her an uncertain look. "A will? That's..." She remembers that dread she felt when she killed Nicol, and the opposing resolve she felt, that led to another kind of awakening. "I'm not a Newtype like you or anything, so maybe it's not the same, but I felt like someone was watching me the whole time." Flay admits, staring into her nearly-empty coffee cup.
"...You're right. It is scary." She concludes.
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
"I'm grateful for that. It's really hard to focus when you do something like that," Rena says. She laughs, though there's not a lot of humor in it. "It tends to make your... uh... awareness go all over the place. I needed the help."
Even if a little part of her whispers that the miracle failed; that surely she could have done more, somehow.
She tries to not dwell on that.
"Revenge... yeah," Rena says. She looks down for a second, but she nods. "I never--I mean, I was always after other things. To make up for the things my mother did, originally. But it wasn't good for me. You need to live -- and to fight -- for your own reason, and for yourself."
Then, there's a frown -- and a nod. "I hope not," Rena says. "I'm worried. It's easy for some people to... just use how angry people are, after something like that," she says. Then she swallows, and she leans backward into the chair. Her eyes blink.
"Someone... watching?" she asks. Her voice is quiet. "Yeah. It's... I don't know. I think all we can do is keep our eyes -- and other senses open. But if you felt that... I wouldn't discount it. I'm a Newtype, so I know when I say this, it's a bit loaded. But... I think feelings like that are usually there for a reason."
<Pose Tracker> Flay Allster has posed.
"Really, is that how it works? No wonder Cathedra's so adamant about this kind of thing... that just sounds dangerous." Flay tilts her head, when Rena talks about her awareness going all over the place. But considering how dire the circumstances were, it's difficult to be too fussy over the use of unregulated psychoframe.
"But it's not like you, or me, were the only ones trying to help," Flay points out. "And you know... I don't think I could accept even a miracle if it meant having to throw your life away like it was nothing." She adds, as if to try to justify her decision to protect Rena and their collective failure to protect everyone all at once.
Rena talks about her own reasons for fighting, and Flay gives her a curious look when she mentions making up for the things her mother did. While she doesn't press Rena on what that means... she does realize that a lot of people choose to fight as an extension of their parents, for better and worse. Instead, Flay hesitates, before asking something else. "I know we're aren't exactly allies, but I'd still like to know... what's your reason?" She doesn't see Rena as her enemy either, but she is a Gaia Saber, after all.
Rena's worries are met with a slow nod - because that anger is all too familiar to Flay. "There's no denying that this was caused by Coordinators... I don't think people will forget that." She overheard that Rena is a Coordinator herself, and clearly, she can't quite meet her in the eye when she says it. "That's exactly why I tried to take all my hatred out on Nicol, but..." She shakes her head. "You already said it about revenge."
"How can I even explain something like that without sounding crazy?" Flay sighs, before regarding Rena more carefully, as she urges her to take those feelings seriously. "I don't really get it, but... you might be right that it's not nothing." She murmurs, feeling a little tense. If it wasn't, it probably wouldn't be bothering her this much.
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
"It's... more of a side effect," Rena admits. "I've only done it a couple of times. Honestly, I'd rather never do it, but..."
When it's a choice between the deaths of countless people or creating a Psychofield, Rena finds it is rarely a choice for her. She nods, though, as she looks thoughtful. "We weren't. And... I'm glad for that. But I'm glad you were protecting me, still."
There is a moment's pause. What is her reason for fighting?
"Mm. Some of it's... that I grew up on Axis. I saw what Neo Zeon was like, in 0087 and 0088, as a child. And some of it's that..." She wrinkles her nose, trying to think of how to describe it.
"I want to make things better for people. From the colonies, but having lived on Earth now, too... not just the colonies," she says. "More peaceful, but fairer. And kinder. I'd like things to be more equal for people from Earth, the Ring, and the colonies. It's a tall order, and... sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with a crisis more than making things better."
Which this would certainly count as. "There's a lot to overcome, still. I'm aware it sounds... naive, maybe."
She gives Flay a sympathetic look -- both about the hatred of Coordinators and that unknown will they encountered. Those things would be part of what must be overcome.
<Pose Tracker> Flay Allster has posed.
"I think it'd be better if you never had to," Flay agrees. "But when you're able to wield power that other people can't... sometimes it's exactly what you need." Before, she would have never even questioned it, as long as that power was being used to keep her safe. This time, it's different.
Detailing her reasons for fighting, Rena explains her past. It makes sense that she was from space, but Flay's eyes widen when Rena mentions Neo Zeon. "Axis, huh.. I can't imagine." She wasn't really expecting that. But she listens to her reasons for fighting anyways - equality for people no matter where they come from.
"Honestly, it is naive," Flay has to admit. "But considering what the world just went through... maybe it's not such a bad thing to hope for better." Though as Rena says... it's more like fielding a crisis than anything. "It's what everyone wants out of NUNE, too, after all." She adds, even though there's reason for Rena to be skeptical about it.
Flay returns a shaky smile to Rena's sympathetic look. "Honestly, I joined the Gaia Sabers because I didn't want to rely on someone else's protection anymore. Because I wanted that kind of power for myself. So maybe it's something I have to overcome on my own." She adds, seriously. "But thanks for hearing me out... I think it's good that we got the chance to talk like this."
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
"Yeah. And... when you're able to, there's a responsibility to at least consider it," Rena admits, with a shake of her head. Of course, sometimes, it wasn't right.
"It... well, coming somewhere else was a big adjustment," Rena admits, with a bit of an awkward smile. "I lived there as a kid. Haman Karn was the one in charge, then."
There's a blink -- a flinch -- when it's called naive. Except, maybe, that isn't such a bad thing. "I think it's important to hope for better. And naivete can be adjusted, but..." She shakes her head. "I want to find a better way. It's not easy, but... I'd rather say I tried."
Then she tilts her head to the side. The power to not rely on someone else's protection...
"I understand that feeling, I think," Rena admits. "Feeling like someone else has protected you -- has taken care of you. It can be stifling." She smiles. "And yes, I do too. I... well, I've got my doubts about the Gaia Sabers, I admit. But I am glad to know there's good people there."
<Pose Tracker> Flay Allster has posed.
There's a hesitant nod, when Rena notes that as long as she has that power, she also has the responsibility to consider using it. As much as it's true, it's also exactly the ammunition Flay used to keep Kira in the fight... so it's probably better that she doesn't linger on that with Rena.
"I bet... I mean, when people on Earth talk about Neo Zeon, it's only ever about their leaders, like Haman Karn and Char Aznable." Flay never did find out her father was making deals with them under the table. "So after it fell, it was pretty easy to forget that people even used to live on Axis." Perhaps it's different in that way from Junius Seven, a tragedy still fresh in everyone's minds.
Rena speaks of how important it is to hope for the better, and Flay gives her a sideways look. "I think I get it. When we were breaking down Junius Seven, I said I didn't care how hopeless it was. Maybe I was just desperate... but I think a lot of people are desperate for something better right now." She brushes her hair back. "I don't think it'll be easy, even if you try... but I hope you can."
Flay is a little surprised to hear Rena understands her feelings about protection, though she doesn't go into the lengths she went to secure that protection. "Stifling... that's a good way to put it." She agrees. She doesn't argue the point when Rena brings up her doubts with the Gaia Sabers, and blinks when she calls her a good person.
Instead, she just puts on a more genuine, if kind of sad smile. "The Earth has just suffered a lot of damage, and so many families have been torn apart. I can't change that fact, but I know what it's like to be confused and angry. So if I can use my role to bring people together, and help them get through this... I'm happy with that."
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
"Mm. Yeah," Rena says. "The image of it... well, I understand why. But I can't help but remember the gardens, the town inside of it. And how it was always warm," she adds, with a shake of her head. Of course, in its way, that also speaks to Haman Karn.
She never wanted it to be winter, after all.
Then, she smiles a little. "Yeah," she agrees. "People are. But... I think it's important to make sure we keep trying after we stop feeling desperate. I think that emotion tends to pass, you know?"
She falls quiet, after that, though. There's a nod of agreement -- about bringing people together. Even if she has her doubts about NUNE -- well, it seems like Flay's heart is in the right place. "I think that's a good way to see it. Just... try to keep your eyes open, too," Rena says. "I don't want to tell you what to believe about NUNE. That was exhausting when I was in Londo Bell. But... try to see past the confusion and anger, to what's causing it, too."
Rena smiles, a little lopsidedly. "That's a tall order, sometimes, I admit."
<Pose Tracker> Flay Allster has posed.
"There's no taking away that it was once your home, right?" Flay asks, as Rena describes what Axis was like. A warm town filled with gardens... it's a stark contrast to the seemingly lifeless asteroid that everyone living on Earth looked up at in fear.
Flay tilts her head when Rena says that it's important to keep trying even after the desperation passes. "Maybe you're not wrong. It's like what we said up there... it's one thing to smile when others can't, but we need to find a reason to keep smiling."
Flay fidgets with her cup then, noticing Rena's silence when they speak about the NUNE. It's not like she blames Rena for having them... the Three Ships Alliance existed for a reason. She takes her concerns seriously when she brings them up, especially when she compares it to her own time in Londo Bell. "If we always think the worst, it might just be a forgone conclusion. And it's not like I have anywhere else to go." Or so she believes.
But to keep your eyes open, to see past the confusion and anger... Flay falls silent, pondering that. "I can't predict what'll happen next... but I promise, I'll try." She reaches out a hand. "I don't want to lose sight of what's really important."
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
"Mm, that's it, yeah," Rena agrees. "Even if... I know what it represents and what it ended up like." The half of it that's still there, at any rate; she doubts it's inhabitable, and if so, it isn't like the place she knew.
Then, she smiles a bit. "Yeah. Exactly," Rena says. "Finding a reason to smile. And... doing our best to give people a reason, too."
She blinks, though -- and there's a flinch when Flay says she has nowhere else to go to. And while Rena would like to disagree, it would presumptuous to do so.
She takes her hand, shaking it. "I'm glad," she says. "Let's just... do what we can to make the best of whatever happens next, however we can."