2024-07-26: ...when my patience and welcomes run dry, it is my wife who will aid mE
- Log: ...when my patience and welcomes run dry, it is my wife who will aid mE
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Elisa Kafim
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2024-07-26
- Summary: Yuliana is still settling in the new arrivals to the Silent Castle -- but she's struggling with the image she wants to project, compared to the reality of her daily life. Her tantrum summons Elisa, and Elisa soothes her, assuring her that she needn't stifle her truth or hold back for anyone's sake. (CW: Coercive control, cults)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana hasn't left the Silent Castle often, since she fled the PPL; once or twice she's ventured out to fight, yes, but by and large she's stayed where she belongs. Instead, they've brought people here; Li Yao has been keeping an eye on her, of course, but so too are there families fleeing NUNE's wrath here now.
So it is with the highly-educated Gao family. Dr. Gao Fang is a well-published astrophysicist; her husband, Dr. Gao Long, is a general practitioner of many years. They feared retribution for their subversive views in the REA -- and Long's habit of recognising human experimentation and helping the victims get or stay away from their abuse. Now that NUNE, with Cathedra, is taking an anti-experimentation stance, they're very worried that their long memories of the REA's actions will become... politically inconvenient. They became associated with the Silent Calling through their humanitarian efforts, and while it took some convincing for them to accept Yuliana's more violent actions, they're smart enough to recognise that the system is broken.
(It can happen to anyone.)
Yuliana is with them, in a sitting room in the West Wing, while their teenaged daughters study in the library nearby. Dressed in their black regalia, she smiles, gently, as she takes Fang's hand in hers. If there's a little strain to the edge of it -- well, Long has the medical experience to notice it, anyway.
"It must be difficult," Yuliana assures her. "But you are safe, now. Have you settled in all right?"
"Quite well," Fang smiles, a touch wan. "Though I remember where we are whenever I step outside! Ha, but it's all right, really... the fires keep it warm, here. The girls love it here," she adds, her expression growing warmer. "They haven't stopped exploring the whole time."
"And they are welcome," Yuliana smiles, "so long as they do not walk across the courtyard to the North Wing. My wife wishes to maintain her privacy, you understand. Though," she adds, looking to Long, "I understand she may invite you in, soon. That's where she keeps her medical equipment, after all..."
"If I had access to that, I'd be able to help," Long points out, diplomatically. (He's not going to say that he wants to see it to make sure it's not being kept a secret to hide Elisa's human experiments, after all.) "But -- are you all right, Yuliana?" She's already given them the speech about not standing on ceremony, when they're at home.
"Ah... yes," Yuliana says, her smile faltering, slightly. "But there's something I must see to. Do excuse me," she says, patting Fang's hand before she rises up. She makes a dignified exit...
... and hurries up the stairs and down to another tea room, where she immediately face-plants on a fainting couch, laid long across it. She's not dignified at all as she wails, "Elyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"
Dr. Long followed her; he cracks open the door, and asks, "Yuliana, what's wrong?"
"Oh, leave me alone!" Yuliana snaps, strikingly out of patience compared to how much she had a few minutes earlier. "Go away! Go away! ELYAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"I see you're in distress..." He starts, before he feels a hand, on his arm. The woman who stops him is Chinese, too; Jin Guanyu, the head maid, gently tugs him out of the room.
"This way," she excuses herself, as she does. She pulls the door mostly-closed again, and explains: "The Gentle Mistress can be... fragile. It's safer for you if you let her wife handle it. Don't worry about her," she adds, shaking her head, when he opens his mouth with a look of concern. "I'll go and fetch the Strong Mistress now."
"A...all right," he says, frowning deeply. "But she escaped years ago... why is she still so labile?"
"Labile?" Guanyu asks, blinking without recognition.
"Ah -- emotionally labile -- her moods change easily," he explains his absent thought process, waving a hand. "Sorry, I was thinking out loud."
"... the Strong Mistress has been caring for her," Guanyu says, her smile growing a shade uncomfortable. "Please, excuse me."
Guanyu hurries off to fetch Elisa, leaving Long to find his way back down the stairs and to his wife again.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
To anyone.
But Elisa has far more exotic things to explore than 'human' experimentation. Far more exotic indeed. It is humans who will perform her next expeiments...
But that's then. This is now. Yuliana is out of patience, and Guanyu has moved to fetch Elisa. Elisa may have to talk with Long sometime...
But not today.
"My darling," Elisa says at the door, nodding Guanyu away. She steps further into the room closing the doo behind he. "My Yuliana..."
"Tell me what troubles you so."
There is a exception of course, to that rule.
Those who find it do not need to remember what they have seen.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Is there an exception? Well, people really shouldn't be wandering down into the basement, anyway. There's nothing there for the residents of the Castle.
"Elyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," Yuliana wails, teary-eyed, and she stops thudding her head into the fainting couch's backrest to look over her shoulder and up to her. (It's padded; it's fine.) She tilts back, to reach up, grasping with a hand as she gestures her in; once she's got her hand in hers, she pulls her other hand under herself to prop her head up and make some room for Elisa to sit down, on the lounge.
"It's too hard!" She whines, petulant. "I'm an icon and it's too hard! Everyone wants me to act good and I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I can't make it better, I can't, I can't! I can't I can't I can't!!"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
This is of course the very reason it's padded.
But Yuliana is teary-eyed and Elisa in black robes of her own sweeps towards her wife and sits down with her. She holds her, strokes her back. "Oh, Yuliana..."
She smiles, and it is affectionate but not kind. "My beautiful wife."
A pause. "Then don't," she suggests. "...Why should you be forced to act a given way in your own home?"
"Grace them with truth."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana nestles in against her wife, shifting, legs bending on the couch, so that she can bury herself against her chest. One tentacle curls around Elisa's own legs; the other tucks itself in, out of the way. "E--Elya," she sniffles, her breath hitching as she draws it in for a deep sigh.
She focuses on the feeling of Elisa's fingertips against her spine, the affection she offers her, and it calms her. "I'm yours," she murmurs, and feels such relief, giving herself over to Elisa's hands.
Elisa always... makes her feel better.
She swallows at a lump in her throat. "But they'll think b-badly of me," she whines, burying her face against her wife's shoulder. "They'll think I'm b-broken. Won't they judge me? Won't they think less of me?" Yuliana has always been so worried about what other people think of her.
Perhaps it's not so bad that she's still slow to trust, even after the PPL tried to help her for so long...
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa holds Yuliana soothingly. Her slow, even heartbeat will comfort her as surely as her calm strokes. Yes... Elisa can help Yuliana feel better. And--
"You live according to our tenets," Elisa says. "If they would think less of you for that, then why are they here?"
"Of course it is not unreasonable to wonder how others will treat you. Our circle of true trust is small. However..."
"Neither can you be expected to hold yourself back."
"I would not allow them to treat you poorly for it."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Elisa is so calm, so steady, so reassuring, and Yuliana needs it, as the desert needs the rain.
(It will drown her.)
"But it's different when I'm recording," she sniffs. "I'm different when I'm recording. Here I'm -- a whole person -- not a symbol. But I'm a symbol..."
Of course they can't really trust many people, but... isn't Elisa right? Isn't it unreasonable to expect her to hold herself back? "Maybe it's unreasonable," she voices her thoughts halfway through having them, miserably.
She sinks down, positively oozing down Elisa's chest until she comes to rest in her lap, one arm curled under her, the other reaching up to straighten her robes where she'd disturbed them. "I know," she says, softly. "You've always protected me, Elya. And... maybe I'm being too harsh... maybe they wouldn't judge me. But that Long, he asked me if I was okay! He could tell!"
Long, Elisa may recall eventually, is the medical doctor of the family, which might explain that.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
(It will be what she wanted.)
"Yes that's true," Elisa says. "But they must adapt. You are a symbol, to many; you control how you appear. ...But that is the enemy of your 'truth' when it becomes a prison for you. A symbol should give meaning. That is how they work, yes?"
But Elisa squeezes Yuliana lightly. "Hmmm..."
"I can speak with him," she says. "Yes, it might be just the thing. For now, do not worry. He sees a place where his skills can be useful; he does not realize that they are not needed, for you. That he is not wanted there."
"Yes, I will speak with him. Provide him a more useful place to channel that helpful instinct..."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana releases her breath, reassured by the pressure Elisa applies, relaxing into it. "I'm not a prisoner any more," she affirms, in her wife's grasp. "I don't... need to stifle my truth. My meaning... my meaning... mm," she hums, uncertain, closing her eyes.
"Thank you," she sighs, instead, blinking those endless green eyes open to gaze up to her wife instead. "I only need you, Elya... I only want you. But -- I guess he just wanted to help... he could see I was distressed. That's what he said." She glances away, for a brief moment. "... I yelled at him..."
Should she feel bad about that?
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"Yes," Elisa says. "You are free. You are safe. You need not hold back for anyone."
What is her meaning? Why, Elisa won't tell her what that is, of course.
"Yes," Elisa says. "Of course. We need only each other. But..." A pause. "No, it's fine. I will smooth it over. He will understand."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Why, Elisa's never told Yuliana what to think. Even though Yuliana just echoed Elisa's thoughts as her own, moments prior. And now, as she murmurs, "not for anyone..."
She thinks of Leina, who so often wants her to muzzle herself, and supposes there's no need to do it for her either.
Yuliana rubs her cheek against her wife's athletic belly, smiling as she looks up to her again. "I'm sure he will," she agrees. "I know that handling the new arrivals is my task, but... I'm glad you'll explain, Elya. You're always looking out for me... you're so nice to me," she adds, with dizzying fondness.
(Kindness is another matter.)
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Don't even worry about it.
"Yes," Elisa says. "Just so."
But Yuliana smiles, and agrees, and... "It is well. He is of a profession that would be useful to me, after all." A smile. "I will always provide what you require. I love you."
Then, she considers. "Hmmm... You are stressed, of late. Why do we not go out for your birthday? That way, you need not concern yourself with others at all."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana rarely worries about what Elisa says or does, these days. Now she's not visiting the PPL, people don't ask her about it, any more. And what would she even say if they did? Her wife has been nothing but wonderful to her, supportive and affectionate and attentive.
She's so lucky.
"I'm glad he'll be of use to you," Yuliana smiles, too. "You've always given me everything I need... I love you, zhenushka," she affirms in turn, her cheeks warm with her affection.
She reaches up, fingers trailing down Elisa's neck, and new gratitude floods her gaze as her wife sees her pain. "I am stressed," she agrees, softly. "It's hard for new people to see... see the truth of me. I worry they'll judge me... or that they'll judge us. Oh, could we go somewhere, Elya? We've not had a date outside for a while... I do want to go out somewhere with you. Very much," she adds, her lip quivering as she reaches the edges of her isolation, almost acknowledging it.
Almost.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
She's very, very lucky. Elisa will do everything for her.
"I love you, too." A smile. "Yes..."
Elisa has seen that stress, obviously. She sees it, and she listens. Of course she listens. "It is difficult," she agrees. "They will adapt, in time. But first..."
"Yes. We shall go somewhere beautiful."
"All will be well."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana was responding to Elisa... but then Elisa responded to Yuliana? Did Yuliana say 'I love you', first? Or did Elisa say it twice?
In the moment, it's difficult for Yuliana to remember, a microcosm of a thousand little doubts and confusions. ... no, Yuliana must have said it first, if Elisa responded like that.
"They'll adapt," Yuliana agrees, relieved that her wife recognises how hard it is. "And I'd like that, Elya. I'd like that very much."
She closes her eyes, resting safely in her wife's lap, and murmurs, "... all will be well."
A magic spell even she can cast, with the help of her wife.