2024-07-05: .the connection between guardian and child is so fraught to navigatE
- Log: .the connection between guardian and child is so fraught to navigatE
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Elisa Kafim
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2024-07-06
- Summary: Maksim snaps at his Aunt for getting too clingy, only to share his problems with Elisa, instead. Elisa, in turn, finds her wife -- angry at her father for his own misdeeds, when he was raising her, and trying her best not to repeat them. She quickly makes peace with Tri Darma, though, and Elisa helps build her wife back up, reassuring her that they'll care for their family together... even if they no longer have the PPL's aid in centring her. (CW: Domestic violence, also a snake eats a mouse but I'm not sure how to label that)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
It's morning in the Silent Castle, and the boys have begun their distance schooling for the day. They've opened up Comet so that their teachers can speak to them, but schooling at home is a different affair, to schooling in a classroom.
For instance: there's the babushka Sashenka, watching the two of them as she handles some own paperwork on her tablet.
And, far closer to the boys...
"Do you remember your number facts, Sima?" Yuliana asks, as she looks over his shoulder at the mathematics he's studying, a hand on the back of his chair. "It will go much easier --"
"I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!" Maksim loses his patience, and yells, grabbing his tablet and hiding it away from his Aunt. "Just leave me alone, Auntie Yulya! God!"
And Yuliana's hand tightens, against the wood of that chair -- before she takes a breath and releases both it and her grip. (Sashenka looked up to lock eyes with her, after all.) "Of course," she says, her voice more even, as she takes a step back and offers him an uneasy smile. "I worry too much, dear heart. Good luck with your studies." She steps away, out of the sitting-room, and hurries down the hall.
Maksim is in a terribly foul mood afterwards, of course. "What's wrong, Maksim?" His teacher asks, seeing his distress.
"My stupid aunt thought I was too stupid to do my work again," he grumbles. "She keeps trying to help."
"I'm sure she really is just trying to help you," the teacher assures him -- though she only can because she's heard Yuliana's efforts, through the camera. "But you're not stupid, Maksim. Can you tell me the answer to number 12?"
"38," he mumbles, still grumpy. "Uh, like this..."
When class breaks for morning tea, Makar, upset by his brother yelling, gravitates straight to Sashenka -- but Maksim declares, "I'm going for a walk! I'm big enough, so leave me alone!" And he is big enough to wander around on his own... if only because everyone in the Castle knows they ought to look out for him, on pain of some unspeakable punishment.
Unfortunately, they don't look out for him running into --
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa Kafim has much to do in the mornings as well. Scribing unspeakable formulae to arrive at answers for her next plan; she must determine the exact locations that will ensure the greatest security. It's a lot to handle. She is unaware for the momet of Maksim and Yuliana's troubles. But that will change.
She has emerged from the North Wing after a consultation with Ingvar, only to--
Bump.
Elisa is not quite an ice pillar to run into, but she is not particularly giving, either. Maksim runs into her and she doesn't so much as move before she turns her head to see him.
"Hello, Maksim," Elisa greets him.
"Am I to understand you are on a break from your studies?"
She is in her dark robes as is usual, her green eyes focused on him--she is not staring, as she sometimes does.
There is almost warmth in her voice.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Grrrrmmm..." Maksim grumbles, stalk, stalk --
thonk
"-- Auntie Elisa!" He yelps, hopping back. But she asked him a question, so of course he answers, reaching up to scratch at the mint-coloured mop on his head. "Uh -- yeah, it's morning tea..."
He's not skipping class! He at least manages to look embarrassed that it looks that way.
"I just had to get out of there," he pouts. "Auntie Yulya never leaves us alone when we're in school! She thinks I'm too stupid, that's what it is!" That isn't what it is, of course, but Maksim is only eight years old -- he doesn't know what's going on in his aunt's life to make her clingier.
Perhaps that, at least, is something to be said for Yuliana's attempts at parenting.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Morning tea! "Hm, it is." Elisa notes that. "I should also break for tea..."
It was a genuine question at least. Rather than breaking for tea, Elisa looks down at Maksim, at first casually and then thoughtfully. Obviously, she knows what what Maksim says isn't quite true, but she has a very strange experience indeed:
She wonders, for a moment, if Yuliana feels similarly when she...
Well, it's probably fine.
"It is important to allow those we care for a measure of independence," she says instead. "That they might stand on their own. I am told this is vital to human well-being."
"I shall discuss it with her," Elisa decides. "...I do not think she believes you stupid," she says then, because of course she has to defend her wife. "Would you like to discuss your studies with me? Or return to tea?"
Either's fine with her. Quality time is important, but she just spoke of Independence.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Maksim blinks, and says: "I thought you only ate when Auntie fed you, Auntie." Oh no. He's NOTICED.
"Of course I can stand on my own!" He huffs, not entirely getting it. (They're definitely related, though.) He grouses, "If she don't think I'm stupid, why's she always butting in?" Egads, a bad word.
(Not quite, in that context, but he's still eight.)
"I gotta go feed Swordtooth, anyway," he decides, thinking on the idea of morning tea. "The teacher doesn't like when I bring her to class 'cuz she says she distracts me. But I don't think she minds sleeping in too much." And he keeps walking up towards his and Makar's bedroom, where his sleepy snake resides.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
He's noticed!! "That is largely true," Elisa agrees calmly. "But on occasion I do enjoy tea."
Elisa does not blame Maksim for not getting it. She is aware of the concept of 'a child'. But it does tell her a few things. Apparently, she can learn from this experience. "To guess at motive is one method of making sense of the world," she allows. "We shall see how effective it is."
He has to feed Swordtooth! "Yes. Swordtooth is your responsibility." A pause. "Yes, I understand. It is important to listen to one's teacher." A pause. "Be well, Maksim."
Elisa continues along the path. Now she is in search of... tea.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I don't get you," Maksim scowls, as he tries to figure out what Elisa is telling him. But he puts off figuring it out, as he says: "Yeah! She'll be hungry!"
He hurries up the stairs to his room, where he has to retrieve a covered terranium of snow-white mice -- Makar gets upset when he has to look at them, for some reason. He makes sure they have all the grain and water they need in their own bowls, and then picks one up, by the tail. He might be caring for them like pets...
... but they're not pets, not really. They're food, and one day Makar will get that.
The mouse flails back and forth, squeaking in alarm as he carries it over to the snake sleeping on his pillow. "You gotta eat it in one gulp," he reminds Swordtooth, as she lifts her head and raises her frill in interest. "You got blood on my pillow last time. Gross."
Swordtooth hisses something like an apology, as she lifts herself up and unhinges her jaw to swallow the poor, writhing little thing whole.
"Good girl!" Maksim grins, picking her up and draping her over his neck as he sits down on the bed. "I wish adults were more like you," he sighs. "They seriously don't make any sense..."
But that's Swordtooth's snack, and as for Elisa's --
-- she does find Guanyu, carrying a tray of tea and biscuits. "Oh, Mistress," she smiles, seeing Elisa. "I was just bringing tea to your wife..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"Nor I you," Elisa confesses to Maksim. "Yes, very good."
Elisa moves on, allowing Maksim to handle his own business with his familiar. She will have to check in on Sokrova later. But for right now, Elisa finds Guanyu!
She smiles. It is almost pleasant. "Hello, Guanyu." Servants work harder when they know that you recognize them. Right?
"Then bring me as well," Elisa says. "I am interested both in my wife and in tea today."
She waits, for Guanyu to lead the way.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Of course, Mistress," Guanyu smiles, dipping her head in a respectful nod. "Please, come this way..."
Elisa never has to wonder for long where her wife is, when their servants all know to remember where they last saw her.
Yuliana, meanwhile, found her father in another sitting-room, and their tensions are running high as Tri Darma tries to help her through her feelings. He can't help but sound a little accusatory, as he asks: "Did you raise your voice to him, Yuliana?"
"Rrrgh -- of course I didn't!" Yuliana wheels around, and punches the stone wall. It cracks slightly around the site of impact, some stone flecking away, but there's very little appreciable damage; the Silent Castle is built to withstand worse than her. "I'm not like YOU, ayah! I'm not going to yell around them like some kind of--!!" But she realises that her anger has boiled over, her eyes widening. She pulls her hand back, pulling herself back into herself as her frills wilt. "I-- I'm sorry, ayah, I -- I lose control of myself now, especially when I'm not lying, and, even more now I don't have the pills for it -- I was rude, I was very rude, forgive me, I did not look upon you with mercy, I was not good to you --"
And Tri Darma is of course taken aback to see the strength in his daughter's anger, but he shakes his head, stepping forward to place a hand on her shoulder. He doesn't point out that she could control herself, around the boys. "No, putriku," is how he chooses to cut in, addressing his daughter as his princess, formally, "I demanded too much of you, then. I did not lead you well, in my temper... haa, I have raised a daughter who raises her fists and her voice." He sighs, lowering his balding head. "Praise be to God that I raised you as well to have wisdom, to know not to pass that anger to the boys. I am glad."
"Ayah," Yuliana whispers, choked-up, as she wraps him up in a tight hug -- though she loosens it, at least, when she hears him grunt.
"You really are quite strong," he chuckles, as he pats her on the back.
"Mm," she hums, in reply.
And that's where Guanyu enters, with a polite, "Excuse me, Mistress." Yuliana pulls back from her father, to look to her, as Guanyu explains: "I've the tea, and your wife is here to see you..."
"Menantu perempuan," Tri Darma greets his daughter-in-law -- and in doing so inadvertently calls his own daughter his son, but he's traditional enough that he'd prefer to use the proper language, even if it's heteronormative. He is warm enough, in his way, though certainly Yuliana is warmer, as she exclaims in concert: "Oh! Elya!" She flies past Guanyu to throw herself into her wife's arms, instead, rubbing her cheek to hers. "El~yul~aaa! I thought you'd be busy much longer~!" She lilts, her anger turned to cheer at once, overjoyed to see her wife.
And Tri Darma chuckles, seeing that. "I'll leave you two to tea," he says, as Guanyu sets the tray out on the coffee table. "I see you missed her terribly, putriku. Ms. Jin, shall we go?"
"Always," Yuliana sighs, oozing happily into her wife's arms as he accompanies Guanyu out.
There's a suspiciously fist-shaped crack in the wall, and scrapes on Yuliana's knuckles, but she certainly looks happy now.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
A fist-shaped crack in the wall, and a tight hug. Yes, Elisa recognizes that there was anger in this room, without the ability to 'sense' it as a Newtype might. Guanyu politely introduces her, and Elisa smiles at Tri Darma. She has no objection to this gendered language; she is aware that she occupies a masculine role in many cultural aspects. Culture is far easier to understand than individuals, these days.
"Good day, father." She addresses both of her fathers as such, these days. And Yuliana throws herself into her arms , and Elisa smiles. "I would have been," she said, "But young Maksim remarked that it was time for morning tea, and I decided that I would also have tea."
She nods to Tri Darma. "Be well," she tells him, and then holds Yuliana firmly before allowing her to move towards a seat.
"I love you, my darling. How has your morning been? Mine was busy... but I have time now."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Ah -- Sima!" Yuliana exclaims, with concern. "Is he well?" She is glad to be held so steadily, and when Elisa decides it is time to sit, she holds her hand as she takes her to the lounge, to seat herself closely beside her wife.
The only reason she doesn't outright drape over her, in fact, is because they have tea. She still doesn't have to lean forward to fetch it, though -- one tentacle reaches out, to grasp her teacup, while the other fetches a second to pass to Elisa.
Of course she always has the servants make a cup for her wife, just in case.
"I love you, too," she answers her affection with her own, smiling to her as one of her hands rests at Elisa's knee. "I've been keeping busy, zhenushka, but I'm so glad to see you. I miss you, when those tasks take you away..."
She sighs, and sips at her tea. (Green, with honey. It's quite calming; they need all the help they can get, calming her down.) "But I was worried for little Sima because I fear I've offended him, my darling. I was visiting him in class, and all a sudden he snapped at me! Why, he even told me to leave him alone! I was so surprised... but of course I just assured him I was worrying too much, and left him be. Haa, I thought he'd like to know I was there for him..." She is saddened, frills wilting.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"He is. He was going to feed Swordtooth when I left him."
Elisa accepts the teacup, and sips at it. She considers its flavor; the ingredients will have little effect on her, but the act of drinking tea is meditative, encourages her thoughtful bent today.
Today, the extra cup isn't wasted!
"Soon, they shall take me further, but not for long," Elisa assures Yuliana. "When I finish my preparations, we shall both be safer."
But Maksim... Elisa considers. Then she nods. "He has taken offense," says Elisa. Not 'Yuliana has offended him', of course. "But it is nothing that cannot be repaired. It makes me think of how I have curtailed your independence in the past; it is the same."
"He believes you think him stupid, though I told him it was not so. It is because he, like you, requires a measure of independence."
She strokes Yuliana's hand. "I believe he is aware that we are there for him. We must now show him that we expect him to stand on his own for the tasks before him."
A pause. "...Your mother may have more insight. But I have been working to understand him..."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana is so glad that Maksim wants to feed his snake properly. It's so much easier to fetch live prey for Swordtooth than for Sokrova.
(Not that they don't occasionally import a boar or deer for Sokrova to have fun stalking in the courtyard, of course, but it's regrettably a sometimes food.)
"Ohhhh," Yuliana whines, her frill pinning to the back of her head as it sinks down. "Oh, I guess it's fair, when I spent so much time away from you... I just miss you!" She pouts, as she tries to be fairer: "But I've plenty to occupy myself with, zhenushka. I even spoke with Yaka, yesterday."
She doesn't dwell on her, though, when she's thinking of her family. "It's like that...?" She wonders, blinking. "Oh! My poor boy! Of course he's not stupid, I only wished to make things less frustrating for him!" Yuliana sighs, deflating against her wife; her hand turns upwards, fingers seeking to weave between Elisa's as she offers her palm up to her. "I remember that school was quite a trial, sometimes... I just didn't wish him to grow discouraged."
Yuliana was... not well-supported through her difficulties with learning, in an REA classroom. Perhaps it's no wonder she dropped out and got her apprenticeship, instead.
"But you're right, of course," she smiles, to her wife, breathing in her tea for a moment before she takes another sip. "We must give him space. He's of that age, I suppose... oh, I just got lonely, Elya." She sighs, looking down at the rippling black of her tea. "I was thinking of myself... I must think more of his feelings."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Sadly, yes.
"I know," Elisa says, "And I miss you. For those expeditions on which I can take you we shall go together, yes?" A pause. Plenty to occupy herself with... hmm. "I see," Elisa says. "That is well." It's fine. Super fine.
"It is," Elisa confirms. "He is young yet; he does not understand your motives." A pause. Hmmm. Elisa accepts Yuliana's hand, curling hers about Yuliana's palm. "He has much greater support," Elisa says. "And he is aware of that, I think."
Yuliana... has difficulties that Maksim does not seem to have. Elisa has an eye out for it, though.
"I know," Elisa says, rather than 'I understand', because they are different statements. "It is natural to think of yourself. Normal. But indeed, we must... consider his perspective, as best we are able."
"That appears to be what is necessary."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Good," Yuliana sighs, smiling to her wife. "I know it would be troublesome to take me everywhere... you're much hardier than I, Elya."
It's fine, right?
"I suppose he wouldn't," Yuliana sighs. "Dr. Kimura said it was best not to share unfortunate details with him... so I've tried not to tell him too much. But that means he doesn't know why... oh, but he's too young to understand it, really."
No, it's Makar who seems too easily distracted in class. Maksim's been doing fine in his studies. He's even good at spelling!
(Does Elisa understand loneliness at all...?)
"Oh, Elya," Yuliana sighs, "he's still so little, we must take care with him. Humans are easily-broken, at his age. I just get so frustrated... I know what a woman ought to do, but I'm so ill-suited to it!"
And of course it upsets her; she has always wished to be a mother, yet she can't even be a proper aunt.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"There are places you cannot go, this is true," Elisa says. "But those places where you can, I will be glad for your company."
But, "...In this, Dr. Kimura is correct. There are things he need not know, that are better for him not to contemplate. ...It means he cannot understand, but I do."
Of course she understands. ...Maybe not that, though. Not the same way. Being without Yuliana is not the same as loneliness, is it?
"He is," Elisa agrees. "...Yes." Humans are easily-broken at any age. "..What ought a woman do?" Elisa wonders. "You are suited to many things. You need not compromise yourself. He seems to be to be growing well."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I'm glad," Yuliana affirms, and she has always loved those little dates with her wife. Of course she still goes on dates with her wife! Who wouldn't?
"You're right, Elya," Yuliana sighs, tilting her head. "It's too bad... I will miss Dr. Kimura's advice, I suppose. He cared very much for the children..." ... and she won't be consulting him again?
Being without Yuliana is a type of loneliness.
Yuliana's perspective on what is easily-broken is different from her wife, clearly. (How could it not be? She is mighty, amongst men. It is only to Gods that she is bowed.) "A woman ought -- ought to think of her children," she insists, shaking her head and squeezing Elisa's hand. "Ought to place them first, always! And not to expect them to fill the hole in her heart, but to fill theirs! To guide and advise them, and to comfort them when they fall, and..."
From anger, to joy, and now to sorrow, Yuliana grows tearful as she regards her reflection in the cup she holds in one tentacle. "I am not gentle enough for them," she chides herself, though she is so much gentler than her wife. "I try so hard, but I run against myself!"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Dates!
"Oh, is he unwilling to consult for you at a distance?" Elisa asks. "Unfortunate if so. Still, we have our parents, to help with the children." That is clearly enough.
Ought to think of her children...
"I see," she says. "Well, a woman ought think of herself as well--remember your own advice. One cannot pour from an empty cup." A pause. "But you do think of them. You are not always gentle, but you are strong. You are a fine role model, and you are there to support them when they require it."
"...You need not shoulder the burden of gentleness alone. Our mothers can help with this. Perhaps others. We shall add what is necessary for our family to thrive and prosper."
"...the hole in your heart is for me to fill, my darling. Together we shall help theirs."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Oh, I... I didn't think to ask," Yuliana sighs, when Elisa asks about Dr. Kimura. "But maybe it's best if he doesn't... ah, the OCU, they figured out I was visiting Yaka, since they detected our shuttle when I was leaving last time," she explains, briefly. "Remember? So -- so she and I -- we decided it was better if I didn't visit any more... it's not safe for either of us. If I call Dr. Kimura with my worries, he might feel the need to step in... and I don't wish to cause trouble for her people, Elya."
She smiles -- though it's a touch wan -- when Elisa reminds her of their teachings. "You're right, zhenushka," she says, and regards her wife so warmly in the saying. "We're not alone... and we are strong enough to protect them." That gentleness is a burden is something she absorbs with no protest; there are things she must carry, for the sake of the family, as well.
And her smile is all the more grateful, as she looks to her wife. "It is for you," she agrees, loving again. "You're the only one who could truly soothe it, Elya. And we are stronger together..."
Another lesson she's absorbed so easily, repeated back in time.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"That may be," Elisa says, thoughtful again as she sips her tea. "I recall," she says. They decided... Hmm. "I see. Yes, it is likely that there could be trouble, in this way. But I know how fond you were of your time there." She knows very well.
"Quite. Both are true."
And it is for her, Yuliana agrees. "Far stronger," she says. "And we shall also care for the boys together."
"...Yes," she says. "This world, I can preserve for them," she decides.
It's so important to recall one's lessons.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I wish I'd not ruined it," Yuliana sighs. "I was just -- distracted, just worrying -- I wasn't thinking about my launch sequence at all, so I didn't engage the Ghost's stealthing until it was too late. But... I guess if it were really so important, I'd have taken more care with it," her frill sinks, again, as she tries to justify what she's done. "Haa, Leyasha chides me so harshly for not doing the right thing... at least she can't criticise me for this."
But perhaps it's fine if she thinks she's trying to do something good, for Sayaka. She won't go back, after all.
More importantly, they are both strong and united enough to care for their children -- together. "You're so good with the children, my darling," she smiles, rubbing a thumb at the side of Elisa's hand. "Particularly Sima... he's come to look up to you quite a bit, you know."
She sips her tea, and takes a breath. "You can," she agrees, after that moment. "You're so good to our family, Elya. We're safe with you..." ... is safe the word, holding an ice-cold hand?
It must be.