2024-07-04: My Patience
- Log: My Patience
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Elisa Kafim
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2024-07-04
- Summary: Yuliana and Elisa watch old movies together... and Elisa's patience for learning about the distress Leina put her wife through runs out. Of course Yuliana tells her everything -- and of course Elisa has an explanation for everything. She cares about her wife so much, she even found an old ally to return to their Fold... (CW: Coercive control)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V54CEElTF_U Taylor Swift - Call It What You Want
A few days ago, Yuliana rushed to Elisa's side from a recording session, utterly distraught. (It wasn't the recording that did it, of course.) She managed to tell her that Leina had been 'terrible, just terrible, that awful jealous girl'; but the details escape her tight throat, even after Elisa manages to soothe her panic down to calm. Talking about it upsets her.
No wonder, then, she might need some more protection. Though she was terribly clingy, when Elisa returned; she missed her, during her outing, clearly.
So too is she akin to chained, now; she's whined at Elisa to come watch a film with her, and so one of those ancient restored films is playing, on the screen. This one is much more modern, by her standards -- it was made at the beginning of the Universal Century, circa 0013, about the Wanderwagens and their anticipated effect on war. "You know," she sighs, nestled in against her wife's side, "I'd love to recreate one of those old wanderwagens, the ones they made for fighting before they settled on the wanderpanzer model -- you know, like a Bloodhound-RJ, or maybe even a nice, transitional Greyhound... they were far after this time, of course."
She's having fun.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Terrible. Just terrible. Elisa can imagine the sorts of things Leina had said. She restricts herself to imagining for now, rather than forcing Yuliana to talk about it. For days, even. Elisa is so very patient.
Elisa is watching Yuliana watch the film. She is, secondarily, also watching the film. "Oh?" Elisa asks. "I think you should. It would be... interesting, to see them. I support this idea, my darling."
"It is fascinating to see that machines, too, evolve."
She is patient. For now.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Jade Metal was an absolute behemoth, back then," she says, "though this was before they acquired Lyman, of course. And even today -- the Zenith is quite sturdy. I've used it myself, do you remember? When we tried to do away with the Bloody Princess... what a shame we couldn't kill her before she did all that to Japan." She's talking about Euphemia, of course, and why wouldn't Euphemia be at fault?
Anyway.
Yuliana, watching the film, is quite engrossed at parts; though at others, she turns more of her attention to the woman holding her, gazing up to her affectionately, playing with her voluminous hair. She is always so easily distracted from what's in front of her by her wife, and who can blame her? Elisa is her wife.
"Maybe I will..." She sighs, happily. "Do you know the strangest part, Elya? The Bloodhound's cockpit technically did try to be more armoured than the Tendus's! It was, of course, still quite the obvious target jutting out like that... but it was, at least, enclosed. But then, it makes sense, don't you think? Since the Tendus was so often an engineering machine -- being able to see what you're working on is quite valuable. Cameras don't always give a full view..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"I remember," Elisa says, because she remembers how Yuliana does things. "Yes... a pity."
It's fine.
Watching the film, Elisa waits for Yuliana to calm. Elisa is Yuliana's wife, and she smiles and strokes her arm. Until, of course, it is time. Time, since...
"That is true," Elisa says. "It does make sense, and they did not have such sophisticated imaging technology back in those days. But, speaking of seeing..."
"I would like you to tell me what so upset you the other day. I cannot help if you do not bring it to me, my darling. And I would like to help."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Ah..." Yuliana sighs, shifting in her wife's arms to face her more fully, the legs and tentacles she's sprawled over Elisa's lap shifting with her. "You're right," and she is demure, acquiescing to her wife's wishes. "I oughtn't keep it from you... forgive me, darling. I just didn't want to think about it..."
Which is half true, really.
She didn't want to think about it -- because she knew Elisa would be upset.
She sighs, looking up to her, cheek resting against her shoulder. "It's just, you see... something possessed me to ring Leyasha, when I was frustrated with filming." Responses for the Silent Calling, no doubt. "But she flew into such a rage, Elya -- saying I'd joined up with Neo-Zeon, just because Angelo was with us when we struck at Luna! She wouldn't listen to reason!" Yuliana is quite distressed, relating that. And why wouldn't she be?
Being accused of working for the space authoritarians is her idea of a nightmare.
"Then -- then she focused on you, Elya, and -- and oh, it got even worse," she says, her frill wilting from where it had flared in anger. "She was mad, Elya, she kept saying -- I had to leave you! That it was the right thing to do! She wouldn't even entertain helping me if I didn't commit to -- to leaving, for the good of the Earth, and for my own good! She said that -- that I was the source of your power, and -- and I had to leave, or you'd have the strength to do as you pleased. Through -- through me, or -- using me -- she said it was my strength that bolstered you. That if you loved me for my fire, you'd inevitably demand I tore the world apart for you myself! And she said it was because I had a bond with you, and the Empress... just like those Newtypes do."
She tears up, saying it, though she does offer at the end: "Oh, don't condemn her too harshly, Elya... it's that last crazy screed which betrays her. She was feeling badly about what that Banagher did to her, zhenushka... so she was jealous of me. Misery loves company, you know... she wanted our stories to be the same." Is it really Leina, who wants that? "She didn't mean it," Yuliana says, and says in her defense. "Surely she just wasn't thinking clearly."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"I was willing to give you time," Elisa says. Yuliana clearly needed it, right? It surely doesn't say that Elisa is no longer willing to give that time.
"Hmmmm," she says. "'Something.'"
She listens, and listens, and listens. She is calm, even placid, as Yuliana speaks, and if there is rage to be felt she does not show it save to slowly curl her hand, nails against her palm.
"Well," Elisa says. "Of course I can forgive her for he first assumption. That girl has bad experiences with Neo-Zeon, doesn't she? And they are our allies for now. It would not occur to her that I intend to crush them myself when they cease being useful. She does not think in terms of 'strength'. Not like you and I do."
But the matter of Elisa herself...
"Yes. She believes strongly in her moral compass, strange and inexplicable as it may be. Why should I harm the Earth? I have no reason at this time. Quite the opposite, I must strengthen this world against the Empress's future assault."
A pause. "It is true that I cannot reach the Void without you. That I cannot open the Gate without your cooperation. But who does it harm if the Gate remains closed? Why--you, of course. The Empress will always be waiting to reclaim you, so long as She exists."
"Of course, perhaps they could find a way to deal with that..." A shrug. "Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. If you wish to embrace uncertainty, then you should do as she says. If you want to abandon security, you should go with her."
"But I think you do not."
"...She is right about one thing: you are not the source of all my Power, but you are the reason for my Power. ...She is wrong, though, that I do not already have the strength to do as I please."
Elisa smiles. She has he appropriate number of teeth. She strokes Yuliana's cheek with the back of her hand.
"Do not worry. I do not condemn the student for questioning the master. It is how she learns. Why should I worry? I told you that I trust you, after all. I know that you would never betray me, my love."
"So why should I be afraid?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"You're always so generous," Yuliana murmurs, still assenting.
And she hums, uncertain, when Elisa highlights that vague something.
Her own palm settles at her wife's cheek, thumb stroking her skin. Feeling that shift in her own wife's motion, she glances down, to her curled hand; her brow knits, just slightly, with the tension of worrying.
But of course her attention is called back to her wife, when she speaks, green on endless green.
"Oh," she says, blinking. "I'd not thought of... oh, I suppose she would be cross," Yuliana sighs. "Since she doesn't understand..."
... was she really so unempathic that she didn't put together why Leina would be in such a rage?
Well, even when she's trying...
Guilt crosses her gaze, lips pressed tightly together, as Elisa asks why she should harm the Earth. She knows why Leina would think that. But how could she think that about her wife -- when her wife is looking forward the way she does?
It's an expression joined by confusion, when Elisa pointed out that leaving the Gate closed hurts her. Her lips part, as if to shape the question -- to ask how the Empress would even reach her, were the Gate locked shut -- but surely the issue is that She is waiting? She doesn't know -- and Elisa names that uncertainty, as she offers to let her embrace it. Yuliana draws a sharp breath, as her hand drops to Elisa's shoulder, to hug herself more closely to her. "I don't," she whispers agreement, stricken.
But when Elisa resumes her explanation, Yuliana turns her face to look to her, again. She reassures her of her Power, her capacity, and surely Leina was wrong; even if Yuliana left her, today, she would be no less mighty for it. Her heart quickens, knowing that, and she feels so unsteady.
Elisa steadies her. Yuliana's eyes flutter closed, as she nuzzles at Elisa's knuckles with her cheek, cool against her shame-flushed skin. Elisa reassures her, and she sighs, the tension leeching away from her brow. "You needn't fear," she reassures her, in turn. Just as she wished, "I am yours, zhenushka, and only yours... it's me who worries too much. You're right... she's just trying to learn, questioning the dark corners."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"It is so kind of you to defend her," Elisa says, and kindness is not one of this Queen's virtues.
Guilt, of course. Elisa notices that. She does not dwell on it. Instead she notes that confusion, she says, "I thought not," to that agreement. To that whisper.
"Yes," Elisa says. "Of this I am aware. You pledged yourself to me; I know that you will keep your promise. No matter what anyone else might say... I know that you would keep your word. To family."
An inclination of her head. "Yes. Oh, I am sure that she also believes in what she says, that I will do great harm. But from her perspective, wouldn't striking at NUNE deal 'harm'? She is one of its proponents. ...She is good at making things sound important. But you won't be fooled for long."
A pause. "However, I have taken measures to better protect you."
"One of our old allies, the mystic from Celestial Being... Li Yao. I have found him, and brought him here. He will aid us. He agreed to protect you, and our family, with his actions."
"...And in truth, I am pleased to give our old friends a place to be, instead of out in the wilderness."
"You see? I am not so heartless as Leina would have you believe. Just because mine beats slowly does not mean that I care for nothing."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana is being... kind, but surely her wife will forgive such a thing. She's a generous woman, after all.
And she's so relieved, to hear Elisa assure her she didn't think she wanted that kind of uncertainty.
Elisa's certainty gives her strength, too. Her wavering heart needs it so badly. "I'm so glad," she murmurs, quietly. "You're right... family comes first, zhenushka."
Yuliana can be fooled, of course, with that wavering heart of hers. She falls for things too easily. (Was it always that way?) "She's misguided," Yuliana condemns Leina, gently, easily.
Her head tilts, against Elisa's shoulder. "Ah...?" She asks, a wordless syllable, as she explains their newest occupant. She sighs, reaching to grasp her wife's hand, bringing it all the more closer to her so that she might lay a kiss on the heel of her hand. (She can feel her blood, pulsing slowly through her veins. Sometimes, she wondered if her heart was... but it was Yuliana who couldn't feel it.) "You could never be heartless, sputnica zhizni," she assures her life's companion, softly. And though Elisa said it so long ago, Yuliana still remembers, exactly: "Since your heart beats for me... you care about us so much."
She laughs, lightly, and if it's a little unsettled -- surely it's nothing. "Haha, but I'm sure Yao had quite something to say of me... he's sensitive, you know, so I gave him a hard time. Haa, but if you sought him out, Elya, surely he's worthy... and even if he is like that, he still fought with us. I guess I'm sentimental, like that..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Very generous, indeed.
"Always first."
But Elisa explains, and she smiles; a kiss there, and Elisa stretches her fingers to touch Yuliana's face. She is assured, when Yuliana tells her her words. "Yes," she says. "Slow and sure, that I might always be there for you."
Unsettled? No, it's fine.
"He called you 'ice queen'," she says, with a smile. "But you are Queen of this ice, and thus it is no insult."
"I believe that he is. He will be useful to us. And it is well, to repay our friends."
"When they are friends to us in turn."
"...A measured amount of sentiment is good. You have taught me that, my darling."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Always, Yuliana hears, with a dip of her head in a nod against her wife. It's she who taught Elisa that, after all.
Yuliana smiles, in turn, feeling Elisa's fingers at her jaw. "You're always there for me," she sighs, and she is reassured, too. "You are my rock, zhenushka, ever-steadying. Uncertainty is so frightening, even to imagine... I rely on you so."
She always had the option to leave, to go and choose danger, to cast off security. Leina says she has the option, and condemns her for not taking it; Elisa says she has the option, and comforts her from its implications. It's on her that she's here; she wants to be here.
Needs to be here.
"I suppose I am, now," Yuliana says, still smiling. "Haha... it's funny, isn't it? I'm so fiery, and yet here I reign... but I suppose I'm not yet fit to live in a volcano, am I?" She laughs, and cants her head, nuzzling at her wife. "Perhaps, one day..."
Her eyes flutter, lidding, as she gazes up to her wife. "It's important to settle one's debts," she agrees, easily. "So long as they're friends to us... yes, you're right. It's fine to be a little sentimental..." ... but just a little, after all.