2024-06-06: Leina's Honesty
- Log: Leina's Honesty
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Leina Ashta
- Where: The Photon Power Labs
- Date: 2024-06-06
- Summary: Leina comes to visit Yuliana before a concerning raid, and the subject accidentally trips over Yuliana's feelings about her wife... but after a year and a half of therapy, Yuliana actually tries to find the safety to talk about it, despite the poor timing for Leina. Leina tries her best to reach her friend, and Yuliana agrees to talk to the doctors -- with significant reluctance. (CW: coercive control)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amn3kn0XPLQ Emperor X - 10,000-Year Earworm to Discourage Resettlement Near Nuclear Waste Repositories (Don't Change Color, Kitty)
Yuliana had her Photonic Neuromodulation Therapy this morning, as usual, and of course she followed that up with the usual therapy -- there's been a little backsliding, but Dr. Kimura attributes that to her panic over perceived abandonment, alongside the opposition she normally starts displaying when she's away from home for too long. In his notes -- though not to Yuliana's face -- he's written his suspicions that her constant contact with her wife is the main culprit. He thinks that Elisa puts pressure on Yuliana when she focuses on therapy for too long, in order to maintain control over her.
She's still here, though, even though she's been a little more difficult. She was just in music therapy with the diversional therapist, Alectros Armet; the room they've set up for this purpose has plenty of instruments, including, at Yuliana's request, a xylophone. And even though her session is over, now, she's stayed in the room -- which she's allowed to do, so long as she doesn't break anything. (Independently accessing distractions and more productive methods of expressing herself is, in fact, one of the measures of improvement they're using to judge her progress.)
Alone in the music room, she taps out a tune on the xylophone, humming a catchy, upbeat tune to herself. ... she's pretty good with it, even if she flubs her notes sometimes.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Sometimes taking a break is self-care.
Between school work, class, posting on Huffman Island, and planning a joint venture with VTX Union's Special Section 3 and the Gaia Sabers - she was mentally tapped, and knew it.
At some point, she had to admit to herself that pushing herself harder wasn't going to make the raid's deadline sooner. She literally cannot save more people, by pushing herself harder.
Still the thought of them being hooked up to devices, carved out of their physical form... the fact that this was happening now.
Well such things haunt her.
So with her Supervisor's blessing, she was given a couple days of 'leave' quote unquote since she was still technically remote attending her classes.
It's just in comparison, well - that's not work in her eyes.
Here now in Fujinomiya, she'd already swung by the Kobayashi household to chat with Kikka's mother, she'd greeted Shiro. And now she'd left a certain someone for last.
She didn't even consider why that was.
After all, then she might ask uncomfortable questions, such as why saving someone could be so mentally taxing on her.
The music room's glass window's held a sort of eerie view for a girl who once played the piano, as if looking at someone alone - inside a transparent cage, seeing her strike the keys and no sound reach her...
... well, that one causes her to think a little. Mentally preparing herself, she pasted on a smile, then, opened the door to the cage, knocking on the frame. "Hey you."
She cocks her head to the side, "Not sure I've heard that one. ...Mind some company?" Leina, for what it's worth today is wearing a denim midi skirt, and a white cami tank under a Grey T-Shirt that says 'Don't Theater Jokes Always Seem so Staged?'
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Surely Leina's just leaving the best for last.
Yuliana is too wrapped up in her music to see people outside, but she hears when the door opens, at least. She turns, to see -- "Leyasha!" Yuliana greets her, warmly, and her smile isn't fixed in place. She is happy to see her. (Well, that's the story her expression tells, anyway. Her heart, as ever, remains a mystery, stifled alongside everything in arm's reach.) "Please, do come in! It's lovely to see you! And you look great," she adds, glancing down to her outfit. Her skirt.
Yuliana, naturally, is wearing a jovial blue t-shirt declaring herself to be a 'CEREAL KILLER', with her usual denim vest and jeans. Her scarf, today, is pink and purple, tied at the side of her neck.
"This is a genuine piece from the middle ages," Yuliana explains, brightly, as she reaches over to a music player. "It's called 'Don't Change Color, Kitty'. Here -- this is the oldest-known recording. Have a listen!"
BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLwQTAntwvE Emperor X - Extremely Lossy-Compressed 10,000-Year A Cappella Earworm to Discourage Settlement Near Nuclear Waste Repositories (Don't Change Color, Kitty)
It's... definitely old.
"Civilisation back then wasn't as advanced as it was now," Yuliana says, when she finally ends the scratchy playback, "so I suppose they didn't know as much about radiation, back then. They thought their cats would change colour! But they would have been terribly concerned with it -- there was a point in human history where they thought nuclear war would destroy humanity, you know."
She smiles, turning to Leina. "But never mind the lessons of history, how about you! How are you, dear? I did take your advice, as you can see. I've been here for a fortnight!" Is she really bragging about listening to people who were worried about her? Apparently she's bragging about that. She deserves a medal.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Thanks." Her smile even manages something bordering on more genuine at the compliment, "It's great to see you too. Managed to take a couple days leave."
There's a almost owlish blink of her eyes, "The middle ages? Really?" And the name of the song? "Really?" She snorts, echoing the word in repetitive emphasis, as if imagining kids taking a paintbrush to a cat and tormenting them.
Leaning against the inside of the frame, she lets the door fall shut as she plays the recording.
And explains the name of the song. "Uhm." She giggles, and it's an awkward noise, "Doesn't it feel like their prophecy came true?" There's a touch of a tease, "With Sokrova after all."
It's not meant to be that serious a joke, but it is true you dipped a tiger in the Void energy and it changed colors. In fact - she thinks that IS Yuliana's joke.
Crossing her arms there's a smile, "That's great! I bet you've made all kinds of progress too. Tell me about how it's been?"
But then, there's a shrug as she answers, "Oh you know. It's one great big juggling act. Needed to take time off planning the next big raid because... try as you might, you can't just push certain things up right?"
She wishes she could. She's just somehow managed to temporarily convince herself she can't.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Haa?" Yuliana wonders, tilting her head. "My! Perhaps it did! I wonder if they saw a cat touched by the Void, all the way back then..?"
Well, they are moving now Sokrova's changed colour. It's just a slow process. They have to evict the previous occupant.
She smiles, though, when Leina asks how she's been. "It's been good," she says, comfortably enough. "My Chthonic Lattice hasn't interfered with my treatment here, just as Elya promised." She does have a new set of bracelets on, and the black chain-link pattern could be called a lattice, certainly. "There was an experiment, but it wasn't -- um -- they didn't hurt me or anything. They were just testing whether I could dance without invoking the Void, since... provoking Her would be a bad idea, now. Rena came out to help, isn't that nice? I even let her win the little game they set up." Sure. Yuliana 'let' the world-class gamer win. Let's go with that.
"But you really can't rush these things," she adds, sympathetically. She points her stick at a chair by a set of drums which is, mercifully, out of range of her aura, as she insists: "Come, sit. You know -- every time I got impatient and rushed in -- it always ended up worse than it could have been. Many times we didn't get our man, just because we hadn't waited long enough to be sure he'd be there at that moment... other times, unexpected forces showed up to foil our efforts. If you rush into this, a Judyan might show up to ruin your day, too."
You know, like back when the Nega Force raided a charity hub to get to Banagher, forcing two noncombatants into war machines only for the illustrious Judau Ashta and the notorious Toy Box to show up and ruin everything.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Oh you know. Sometimes life is stranger than fiction."
A smile at least keeps tugging at her lips right now, this banter is nice at least, though it's tested right away as she mentions the lattice.
"I mean... I wouldn't think it would. That's just an added layer of protection to Emptear right?"
But the fact is, it did interfere, didn't it? It took Yuliana away, it exposed her to more of Elisa working to make all the progress here that much more arduous.
And Rena?
"I didn't... actually realize that uh... you two had grown so close." She clears her throat, "I mean, you both were pretty at each other's throats. Then..." She waves a hand, "... well! She hadn't told me about... that new development, until recently."
It's not like she's upset at Yuliana, it's just, weird - if she hadn't visited Rena recently that might have been the first she'd... she'd heard of Rena's newfound connection.
She does slowly walk over, and take a seat, putting her bag over the back of it, "I know you have to be thorough here, it's just - it's less about getting them, and more about..."
There's this movement of her hand, a gesticulation like, she's trying to explain it, "The longer we take? The more people suffer... awful fates? Like worse than most anything at the Institute."
She doesn't explain what she means, because there's things she just can't say, details she just can't give, but Yuliana can likely pick upon the very few options for 'worse' than 'most anything' at the Institute.
"And ha... Judau hasn't barged into to a single raid yet." She winks at her, "He's pretty allergic to cops - and I do my work well."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"The Chthonic Lattice," Yuliana shows it to Leina deliberately, tapping at her wrist, "is a variation on the Liminal Lattice. Where the Liminal Lattice keeps me safe in the high-risk environment of Emptear, the Chthonic Lattice keeps me bound to this world in the day-to-day -- to keep me from visiting Her in my dreams, and the like. Elya made it for me," she adds, smiling.
(She didn't 'have it made'; she made it.)
She tilts her head, sympathetically, when Leina talks about Rena. "Oh? Perhaps she just didn't wish to talk about it. I didn't... mm... I didn't want to expose her, given how sensitive she is about me having that kind of information. You know, after what happened back then." Of course, she actually hums to cover up what she was about to say, before she realised it might make her sound bad --
-- that she just didn't think to mention it.
But the explanation she comes up with certainly sounds plausible, and in Yuliana's estimation, that kind of humility over her impact on Rena ought to make her look better in Leina's eyes. (Leina might not sound upset, but is she really not upset? She has to cover her bases, here.)
She can even believe that was the real reason, having given a good excuse. After all, maybe that was her secret motivation the whole time. Maybe she was so altruistically motivated that she didn't even consciously think about it.
Yuliana frowns, though, when Leina says what she's facing up against is worse than the Institute. What could be worse than what happened to her? But -- then again -- Leina is measuring by what happened to her. And if she says it's that bad, then... "It must be wretched," she sighs, sympathetically. "And you feel responsible, I suppose? But it isn't your fault, Leyasha. If those people are being made brain-dead on life support, it's because some damn white-coat made a call, not because you waited. Think -- if you act in haste, they might realise something is wrong." Yuliana gestures, bringing one hand down into her open palm. "And just like that--! They don't care about human lives, so they'd sooner destroy the evidence. Preparing carefully isn't just for your sake, but for theirs, as well... and I'm sure your boss gave you this time off so that you could come into your operation rested, too. You can't pour from an empty cup, Leyasha. You must take care of yourself before you may help others." It's one of the central tenets of the Silent Calling, but is it really bad advice?
She smiles, though, a touch lopsided. "Family dinners must be quite awkward," she adds, "now you've a badge of your own. How many times has he fled arrest thus far?" Her tone is joking, even if, in fact, that could be an entirely serious statement made about Judau. "If only you were a dirty cop," she teases Leina, "he might be a little less nervous! In my experience, criminals love dirty cops." That is to say: criminals loved her.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina looks upon the wristlet in wonder, trying not to look wary of it certainly, but the fact is that with Yuliana wearing it like...
... jewelry...
That Leina would have no idea whether it was toxic to people or not, not until it was too late.
"That's wonderful! I imagine that has to be a relief for you."
And a distinct shame that it doesn't work in full. After all, it doesn't limit all of Her influence, if Elisa is still allowed to put in that work.
"Oh I'm not upset at either of you." She clarifies, "It was just something of a shock. I, hm." Leina considers how best to put it, and decides it's best not to go into her feelings about it, "I'm still processing."
There is a quick nod, and her eyes move sideways however, when it comes to the fate of the people in question.
"I know it's not my fault." Indeed, she sighs, threading her fingers through her hair as a frustrated gesture, "I know. Most of the planning is about - yes - that."
However, there's this sigh, "But I still can't help but wonder how many more people are suffering - because of how long it's taking to go through the process, and to cover all the angles with as little margin for error as possible."
It's frustrating to her, because the real reason she went into this was to save lives. She tells herself that daily.
There's a laugh at that, then a shake of her head, "Oh it won't come between us, not really. On some level he had to know that all of us that grew up together on Shangri-La, I was definitely the strongest candidate to have a future career like this."
She smiles, and there's this shrug, "It's just... on Shangri-La, the cops weren't really there to help people? They were just there to protect property. Mostly the property of the rich. And it's kind of the same way here on Earth. Take the average Manhunter for instance."
There's this... frown in this moment, "They were always looking for an excuse to harass me, and the moment I gave them one..." A shake of her head, and...
"I think Judau would be way more uncomfortable with me as a 'dirty cop' personally." There's a weak chuckle, "Like he'd give me infinite shit for it at first - but then, it'd really bother him I bet, get under his skin. It's just, not me?"
She manages a smile, "As strange as it sounds - I'd bet he'd pull me aside by my ear and give me a whole lecture about it - because, he knows I do the same to him, when he's doing wrong."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
It keeps Yuliana's dreams torture-free, and that's enough for her.
(She doesn't ask why Elisa didn't come up with this earlier.)
"All right," she allows, with a little inclining dip of her head, as Leina says she's still processing it. And -- well, she's also giving her space to do that, if she doesn't focus on it any more. The fact that Rena isn't here so it just isn't all that relevant to her right now surely has nothing to do with it.
More relevant: Leina, who's sitting right there. Yuliana pauses, for a moment after she listens, and then says... "Eighteen. Eighteen people are suffering." How does she -- "Of course I can't know that," Yuliana answers that question before it can be asked, "but if you need solid data -- there you are. Eighteen people." She leans back, lacing her hands behind her head, as her tentacles gesture for her instead. "My point is that you have to decide how many it is, or you'll drive yourself mad and ragged going what if, what if, what if. Because you can't know, either, or else your informants would have already said so. Wondering is exhausting, Leyasha! The thing which tires me most, you know, it's getting out of a call and trying to figure out if Elya is more dissatisfied than she's letting on, even though she never really said anything. But my mind keeps going, and going, and going -- just like yours, isn't it? Just decide what the truth is so you can move forward." Her hands tense, as her fingers grasp at the back of her skull a little more tightly, with the tensing of her brow. "You'll exhaust yourself," she says, more hushed.
And with a breath, she leans forward, unlacing her hands to fold them over the xylophone instead. (Tink!) "Anyway," she says, as if she could just skip right being too vulnerable in her attempts to set Leina right, "sometimes cops aren't here to protect property. Sometimes it's more about protecting power. Oh, sure, people back home cared if their things were broken -- but when we were deployed to protect property, the entire backbeat of it was keeping people in line with the Party's ideas. Keeping them in line... haa, though I had a warped perspective, I suppose. I always was a fancy knife."
She raises a brow, though, as she adds: "But if I were on the straight and narrow, the Yumi Foundation would've had a harder time, too. Not all dirty cops are created equal. Sometimes, being creative with rules and regulations helps everyone." Not that it didn't also help her. She had a much nicer apartment than would have normally been issued her on account of all those bribes.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Because Elisa's priorities shifted. Of course, Leina knows it's a fraught path - leading Yuliana to that conclusion. She'll leave that to the professionals.
As Yuliana says Eighteen people are suffering, as a single eyebrow shoots up, and - there's an incredulous look.
Certainly Yuliana can't know this, right?
But now she's explaining, and of course it makes sense, as her expression eases off, and she closes her eyes, "It is exhausting..." She murmurs quietly, as if agreeing, because doing the right thing? It often... is.
She's been doing that her whole life, or at least trying to, except when someone forced her not to.
"... Um." There is one point she feels she needs to make though, and this one she can't just leave to the professionals, "I don't think it's supposed to be like that with your... wife though. Always worrying if they're, more dissatisfied than they're saying? That's - walking on eggshells?"
There's this... shrug of her shoulders, "I won't say that relationships don't have exhausting aspects but - not really just... just talking about normal stuff? It sounds like you have trouble... with. Just... communication, with her, because she wants you to be always anxious to win her approval?"
Perhaps it was a mistake - but, she felt the need to put it out there, because... well. It's not as if she hasn't heard about the time Elisa yelled at her - and what happened afterwards...
There's something uncomfortable to the idea of protecting power because certainly, that strikes a chord with - what she does, but it's not about thought control.
It's about keeping children out of mobile suits that kill them. It's about wars not being fought with miracles. It's about Elisa or Rita deciding what humanity is, and should be by their own ideals.
It's about humanity surviving to have a choice about what it should be.
"Hm." There's this moment where she just leans back though, in thought, "I see where you're coming from but I don't think that cops necessarily have to enforce unjust laws strictly - or all laws equally. It doesn't make you a dirty cop if - for example, you just turned a blind eye to a charity's operations, rather than accepting money to do so."
There's a shrug of her shoulders, "It just makes you normal. We all exercise our discretion on which laws to enforce - and how severely. For example, it's illegal to pilot a mobile suit with - more Psychoframe than the law allows, but do you think I'm not gonna treat a brainwashed victim with mercy? They're not competent to make the decision to commit a crime."
There's this gesture with her hand, "Cathedra's mandate means often - we are making these decisions on our own, because we're extrajudicial in authority. It's not - referring cases to some local Magistrate, or distract attorney."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"No... no, of course I can communicate with her," Yuliana insists, even as she glances away. "I talk with her all the time! I ring her two -- three times a day, at least!" With a little hitch as she decides whether talking to Elisa when she goes to sleep and when she first wakes up counts as calling her two or three times.
Technically, the call never hangs up.
Yuliana listens to Leina's logic about Cathedra, though, leaning forward where Leina leans back. "And it makes you dirty if you take the bribes?" She asks, her brow lifting again. "Ah, the corrupting influence of capitalism..." She sounds awfully nostalgic, because it reminds her of home. The place she used to live, anyway.
"Just be careful," Yuliana shrugs, one arm draped over the other like a lounging cat. "Sounds like you're arranged just like a black operation... when I was in that position, the higher-ups always wanted those extra powers employed to get rid of people they didn't much like. Ah, don't get me wrong -- I'm glad you're busting in there to rescue those kids." Leina never said they were kids; it's just a reasonable assumption. "It's just..."
She pauses, and sighs, her shoulders sinking. "... no," she shakes her head. "No, I'm doing it again, aren't I? That -- that thing they said I do. Something unsettles me, so I sow discord reflexively to distract from it. I don't... I have no reason to think your organisation is more sinister than it seems, even if..." Even if Cathedra would oppose their freedom-fighting, she can't say. Even if Cathedra is her enemy.
"No, I..." Hanging off the edge of the xylophone, her hands find each other, as she holds her own hand about it all. "I was just thinking," she says, "how I lost my sense of humour. How I really shouldn't. How -- it's kind of disappointing -- that I didn't just commit to convincing you those people were a problem -- because I've become rather noncommittal lately. It's not that I'm walking on eggshells, you know? I just... am as fragile as one. I crack quite easily these days... it's a real problem."
It's kind of impressive how she can start talking about her wife's wishes without bringing her into it at all.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Yuliana." Leina says quietly, as she gets more and more anxious, defensive, "I'm not saying you don't - I'm saying talking to your wife shouldn't be like this."
Leina qualifies, "That's not your fault. I'm not saying it's something you're doing wrong. Just - it shouldn't be like that, with someone you love and care about, where you're always anxious about displeasing them when you're just talking."
Leina raises an eyebrow at the idea it makes one dirty if one takes bribes, "Uh?" Like she's not even certain how to answer that question at first, since the answer seems obvious to her.
Still she listens and eventually, Leina smiles at her, "I mean, a little - but you don't trust a big corporation like the Benerit Group, and for good reason. I'm not... blind to its power and influence, and how it can be misused, promise."
A beat.
"I don't trust them either. Even as a child, I knew how bad corporations could be - I kinda regard myself as... a check, to keep them honest. To make sure they're rescuing kids, and taking criminals that hurt kids off the streets."
And indeed, Leina believes she can be that. After all, Benerit needs her to fly - if they're ever facing a true emergency.
"And not abusing that power. There's gonna be some?" Leina admits, thinking perhaps of Suletta's situation, "Every corporation has a 'bottom line.'."
That's just being pragmatic, that's just being real, even an organization like Shuffle made all kinds of decisions she didn't agree with.
But she speaks of how, she lost her sense of humor, and Leina watches the tap of the Xylophone, "Hmmm." That is progress, isn't it? It certainly feels like it, even as Yuliana's reality feels challenged, but...
"You've been through a lot. Sometimes after - traumatic events, you have to build yourself back up. Taking a stand against everything, fighting every battle..."
There's this sympathetic smile, "... it can be exhausting. It's okay to feel fragile for a while, to be weak. You've just gotta eventually, build yourself back up."
She makes a motion with a hand, a semi-circle near her face, "After... I first came back from Vist, I felt so fragile, like nothing... nothing was real."
It wasn't very long after that, that she joined with Cathedra, was it?
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"No -- no, I'm not anxious," Yuliana insists, a bridge for sale. She takes a breath to calm herself, anyway.
Another breath, and, "... I know. You're doing a good job, Leyasha." Keeping them in check, that is. Even though they have a bottom line...
She sighs, her hands clutching at her heart. "Nothing was..." She starts, a gentle sadness at her brow. "Elya lets me be as weak as I need to be," she says, and says it fondly.
"It's just... rebuilding, it's..."
There's a long moment of hesitation, as one of her hands shifts down, to clutch around the purple bracelet on her wrist. She remembers, at least, the shard of Goragon where it tracked her.
She hasn't asked Elisa if it's true for this world.
"... talking about this," she starts, at length. "I... I shouldn't. She'll be upset, when she finds out. She always wants to know all about how I feel. I can't hide anything... so..." It's as if she's answering an unspoken statement; it takes her another long moment to arrive there, features tightening. "I shouldn't... I thought... I was going to ask, if you could, not mention it, just because I didn't want to upset her, but I shouldn't. I shouldn't."
It all feels so unsafe, and of course Elisa will find out.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina doesn't need Newtype senses to know that Yuliana is lying about that one, but she decides not to press. After all, she isn't a professional.
She doesn't know how to get the point across that her wife is purposefully making her moreso.
"That's... hm." She trails off, as if worried that Elisa is fostering that... dependence on purpose again, but it's difficult to communicate that too.
But then she talks about rebuilding, and how she reports that talking about this, how she can't hide anything.
Her expression softens, sympathetic, as she leans forward subtly, "Yuliana..." She puts a hand over her chest, "If you ever want me to not talk about something, because it's difficult. That's okay in this space. You're supposed to feel safe here."
However, Yuliana knows this face too, from Leina, that there's something coming, a But-
"But, it worries me that the possibility of Elisa finding out is enough to want you - not to talk about certain things. There should be a space for you where Elisa doesn't get to learn about... every thought that goes through your head. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're betraying that marriage - keeping some things to yourself."
Leina indicates to her, softly, "Even spouses have certain thoughts, feelings that they keep private from each other. That's normal."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Not for us..." Yuliana protests, but quietly, shaking her head. "Elya's always wanted to know. She cares so much about me, you know. How I feel. And -- and when I offer myself to the scrying-orb -- I mean, I never asked her. I just... I'm sure she could tell."
Her shoulders sink, as her hands fold in her lap, and she's quiet for a long moment. She takes a deep breath. "I just," she starts, "I just," again, "I just feel -- and you know, it's just kind of crazy -- but I just feel that maybe Elya isn't satisfied, isn't entirely satisfied with the way they're building me, here." Finally, her air runs empty, and she has to take another breath.
"... but, Elya is just worried about me," she explains it, finally. "She doesn't want me to lose myself... or hold myself back. And I'm always gone for so long... I know it troubles her, even though she's glad I don't listen to impudent ideas. Don't -- don't get the wrong idea, she's never told me to come back -- she knows my individualism is part of who I am. She doesn't want me to change. She thinks it's important. She -- she promised she'd always see me," she insists, her hands clutching at each other. "To see me, and seek me..."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Yuliana protests, and... Leina listens, as her shoulders sink, as she speaks, and talks about it all.
"It's not 'kind of crazy'." Leina finally replies, "I think you're right. I think Elisa doesn't like you being here, but is just - allowing you to try it, because it's possible you learn something she doesn't know."
A quiet pause - then, "I think it's because she herself, is questioning - reassessing her strategy."
And then she just says it, calmly. "About how she herself controls you. In the past - it was about working you towards reaching 'Her' but now she she doesn't think that's best. So she's having to rethink that."
Leina gives her this long look, "Yuliana do you know why I said I think it's best if you left her before? It's because everything about what she does is... trying to control you. Your thoughts - your feelings - your future. The reason she doesn't want you here is she's worried we'll put 'bad thoughts' which might turn you against the way she wants you to be."
There's, a subtle pause and...
"Your individualism, it's important to her, but she does her best to direct who that 'individual' who... 'Yuliana Kafim' is."
Then... exceptionally quietly.
"And it's not right. What she wants is... for you to be your worst self. Something incompatible with- the best sides of you, your humanity, and compassion for other people." Her eyes level upon her, "But she would call it your best self."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Leina says Yuliana isn't crazy, and she's visibly relieved, an uneasy smile crossing over her face. She has -- thought, of course, that perhaps her wife doesn't like her being here. Some of her comments... of course, she's never said it in so many words.
Her legs cross, under the xylophone, when Leina goes on to talk about her wife controlling her -- her tentacles wrapping about her knees. She looks away, and has to struggle to look back, her endless eyes evasive. She shakes her head, but finds her throat too tight to protest, in the moment.
"Nn..."
She swallows.
"... Elya said... she was glad I didn't listen to Dr. Kimura, when he... he was worried about an argument we had. If I was being pressured. But I didn't like -- he was implying something awful -- I told him he was totally wrong! And -- and you know, I explained to her, I told her he was just scared -- and she accepted his fear as her right and due, but, she was glad I set him right." And was she worried that Yuliana would think badly?
This really doesn't feel safe.
"You're really... framing her in the worst possible light," Yuliana protests, at length. "It's -- it's true she -- when I complain about feeling stifled, she supports me, but -- she just doesn't want me to change. She thinks I'm perfect just the way I am... it's everyone here that keeps criticising me! She's supporting me, she -- she even said -- anyone who complains I can't do things well would have to answer to her! She wants to protect me," Yuliana whines, eyes scrunching shut.
Why can't she just -- tell Leina she's totally wrong, even though she must just be lying?
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina of course is watching Yuliana's posture, she's definitely uneasy, and it's understandable why. This isn't an easy subject.
She's dealt with battered women in the Yumi Foundation before, but far harder is dealing with someone still wound up in emotional abuse.
Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you tell someone such a thing, they can only leave when they're ready to leave.
And Yuliana's abuse has been supernaturally enforced for years.
It's - there's a long moment where she closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath, listening to Doctor Kimura.
"Set him right?" She trails off, but... her eyes open and...
"Yuli... I don't want to think ill of her. I wish that things were right, between you. That this was a healthy relationship. But... I have too much evidence that says it's not. And that it's... due to her being controlling of you."
Leina puts a hand to her chest again, "Yuli, I'm here to help you, and that sometimes means I have to say some difficult things. I like you - otherwise I wouldn't be here for you time, and time again, right?"
She gives her a sympathetic look, "But nobody's perfect. I'm not even going to say I think she's lying - I just think you know you're not, otherwise, you wouldn't be here. There are things you know you need to improve - and things you want to improve, and that the people here? They can help you do that."
The hand slowly moves back to her side, "I don't want you to have to live like you're some terrorist - to the entire world. That's almost the future I had. I want to work towards a future where you and me don't have to meet only at the PPL or make secret calls late at night, where you can rejoin with society - and heal. And I don't think - Elisa wants that future for you."
Now there's a more significant pause and...
"I think she's going to push you towards a future where you become someone - less human, whether you want it or not. And the worst part is, she's going to act like it's your choice... but the truth is, she isn't going to give you one at all."
There's this, sad look in her eyes, "She doesn't have to use magic, all it takes is the mere thought of her disapproval, and you're wound up in knots trying to please her."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Leave?
Yuliana can't -- she couldn't.
Couldn't do that to her wife.
Even thinking it -- even suspecting that's what Leina's implying --
"Mm..." She hums, unsettled. "You like me," she affirms, slowly, as she works through the evidence in her head.
A world where she could... rejoin society, though? She never thought it could be like that. After what happened... she had to go to the Void, right?
The truth... is that the truth?
"I just don't want to upset my wife," Yuliana says, tremulous. "Isn't that normal? Isn't that normal?" Who is she trying to convince, saying it once and once again?
It's awful, when Elisa gets upset. She feels... awful.
"But... but we share power," Yuliana insists, though her voice is still thin and reedy. "We decided -- ever since Goragon -- it would be easier on her. She was taking on such a burden, for my sake. Anyway, Elya -- Elya always asks me. She always asks me..."
She falls quiet, looking down at her hands.
"...", her lips part, and for a time, nothing comes out.
"I," she tries, a moment later.
Third time's the charm, "I said I decided we should go to war," Yuliana says, quietly. "But I guess -- you know, when I think about it -- she... I was talking to her, Leyasha. About what you said. How -- how I wasn't sure -- I didn't know how I could invite our Callers to get closer to the Empress when I was pulling away. I said how something didn't fit, I was troubled, and... and she said she saw it clearly. She said I wished her to make war... and conquer. To change Her -- herself -- since I couldn't bear to be close to Her. But I told her to do it," her hands tighten, in her lap. "I told her to do it."
Her eyes shut, again, tightly. "I don't know," she says, and says again: "... I don't know."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
She could.
She just believes she can't.
And this is something Leina knows well. "I know you don't." When she says she doesn't want to upset her wife. "Not really?" Leina answers her though, honestly, and it's difficult to.
"If someone is an equal partner - then you shouldn't fear upsetting them. Life - living, involves working through one upsetting conflict, after another. Healthy couples argue. They just argue in bounds - in ways that respect each other."
Leina moves just subtly, to look Yuliana in the eyes, "But you're scared, aren't you? You're afraid of arguing with her. Even your arguments - they're not really arguments, are they? They're moments of high emotion that end in you... agreeing, submitting. It's just... easier, isn't it? Because when her emotions get high, you're scared."
There's a subtle shift again, trying to keep eye contact, and then she listens to her try, and try and try again...
Slowly, Leina gets up, as she talks, and she enters that field of ... quiescence. Closer she comes, before putting an arm around her, squatting down at her side.
"Oh Yuliana... it's... I won't say it's okay, but we're here for you." She tells her, squeezing her arm around her, "She's always leading you to her conclusion, and making you think it's your idea. Because she realizes how much you prize your individuality but..."
A moment's pause, "... your individuality is inconvenient to her. It's... a barrier. So she does everything she can to remove that barrier, without you realizing."
She rubs Yuliana's back, in slow circles, as if to comfort her, "What is okay - I'll say - is that you're here right now - and you have resources to help you figure this out. I think - you should talk about this to one of the Doctors here... I'm not a professional? I'm just... your friend. And as your friend, I just see it - every time this marriage hurts you."
She puts a hand to her chest, "It's not about me - but - I have to tell you, it really hurts seeing the effects of the way she treats you."
She puts a hand to her chest, "Because I want good things for you - and - it's so hard for you to see how she's mistreating you... just because she isn't beating you. But there are so many more ways to hurt someone in a relationship."
She closes her eyes, "And it's like she's breaking you down, slowly, eroding away the parts of you that make you- you. Because... because..."
She trails off, and in that moment, she understands the contradiction, the truth. "... if you were actually perfect to her, then why would she ever need to yell at you? Why would she dislike any decision you ever make? Why would she ever push you to change in any way?"
It may be devastating to hear this, but Leina feels she needs to finish with...
"You're not actually perfect to her. She wants you to change to something more convenient to her worldview."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"No, but -- but Elya wants to hear when I have problems. She said -- I should talk to her first. I should be talking to her about this," she condemns herself, head hanging down. "We could work it out. She's always happy to work it out. It's not like she's unreasonable, Leyasha. She recognises when it's hard on me... she changes the things I don't like."
She closes her eyes, when Leina tries to look into them. "It's just... when she couldn't find me... she all but destroyed the tower! She was so furious... of course she'd never lay a hand on me, but she was so upset. I just, I don't know what she'd..." It's not what Elisa would do to her, is it?
It's what she might do to the world.
Yuliana's brow knits, as she realises that dropped connection is drawing in. She feels Leina's arm around her, stiffens -- and a moment later, leans in towards her, her shoulders quaking in a sob.
"No... no it's... she's honest, Leyasha, she does say it's troublesome, but she said she wouldn't change it! She said it's important I have my own desires! She knows, I..."
Her hand lifts, to press against the scarf at her neck. (As if there's something stuck in her throat.) "I-I don't want them to get the wrong idea," she says, as tears begin tracking down her cheeks. "People think such -- such awful thing a-about -- my wife. And -- and what if they tell her? I said they should tell her..." Elisa is Yuliana's next of kin; she was very firm with the doctors about that.
"It doesn't hurt," she insists, though she's crying. "It doesn't... oh..."
Yuliana sinks against Leina, a little heavier. "M--maybe sometimes," she murmurs, "but I feel awful. Oh, Leyasha, I feel awful. I'm a terrible woman. How -- how could I -- she's only ever tried to soothe my pain. It's unreasonable!" She's unreasonable.
And then Leina tells her she isn't perfect -- Elisa doesn't think she's perfect -- and Yuliana sobs again, burying her face in a hand. "That's not true!" She wails, and it's a good thing this room is soundproofed, really. (Well, it's good for Yuliana.) "Elya thinks I'm perfect -- just the way I am! She loves how I am! She doesn't want me to change, you want me to change! And she doesn't even yell at me barely ever!"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Of course she wants to hear it first." Leina replies, softly, "Because she wants to head off anything 'inconvenient' about your feelings at the pass."
It's... a struggle, to tell her this, "It's not, working it out to always agree, to always submit."
A beat pause.
"She changes tactics when she realizes it's gone too far or isn't working. That's what's going on. There can be real care there Yuliana - and that doesn't mean it isn't manipulation- you flinch from the magnitude of her anger. Even knowing she'd never strike you, it doesn't matter if you fear it."
She feels Yuliana stiffen, and she hears her sob, and she begins... and...
"That's easily changed." Leina notes, "These professionals have an obligation to perform domestic abuse screenings. That's required." She notes, "If you're in a situation where Elisa would use this information to cause harm... then - they'll adapt. There are measures they can take where she won't find out."
Terrible woman? Sometimes... but not, for... "You feel awful because you're hearing what she's doing but - you don't want to believe it. ... I wouldn't either." She admits, after a moment, "But you can't claim that's all she's ever tried to do. Otherwise - you wouldn't be scared of her being displeased with you."
Yuliana sobs, and Leina rubs her back, leaning her head against her as she wails, "... Yes. I admit fully that there are things about you that I want to change, that I think need to change. But - that's because I'm your friend, and it'd be dishonest to say you're perfect."
She closes her eyes, and exhales- then...
"You said she thinks your behavior is troublesome. That your individualism is troublesome. Is troublesome what you call someone you think... really is perfect?"
There's a prolonged pause and...
"Look... I can't be sure, I can only speculate but... I think, what she's saying is the fact that you exist - that part of you is connected to the Void. That's... what's perfect to her. That's what she fell in love with."
...
...
...
"And the rest of you? Is... something she trying with all of her power to change. Otherwise she wouldn't be so insecure... when you have a thought in your head, that isn't about being obsessed with her."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Is it... really because she wants to...
Yuliana shakes her head. "She's distressed by my distress," she insists. "She wants to fix it -- if -- something's wrong. She wants to know how I feel. She wants to -- make sure I'm okay. That's such a cruel way... to talk about how she cares."
... but if Yuliana wanted to control the narrative, she'd always get to the journalist before they could publish, didn't she?
No, it's...
"If she cares when it goes too far," Yuliana insists, "that's -- that's good, she -- she doesn't want to harm me." As opposed to hurting her. "She'd never want to frighten me. It's not her fault. She was just upset... it's normal to break things. I do it all the time..." ... but if Yuliana throws things, does her immortal wife ever worry whether she'll be hurt?
Sometimes Yuliana is terrible -- but perhaps she's found the one person who can match and best her in that arena.
"She'd never harm me," Yuliana insists, again, choking up. "I-it's not -- it's not -- it's the Empress who was hurting me! Elya isn't... it's not domestic abuse, Leyasha, it's not. I -- I shouldn't even be having this conversation, it's -- it's ridiculous," she says, though her voice is faint, and it dies to nothing as she listens to Leina instead.
Of course she can't believe it. How could she believe it? How could she do something so awful to her wife?
And of course it's Leina, trying to change her...
"Oh!" She exclaims, quite miserable, as she turns her face in against Leina's shoulder. "No, no... there's a reasonable explanation. She must just be troubled by how easily other people influence me... she's just worried about me..." She can imagine so easily the justification Elisa would give -- that is to say -- the explanation.
"I don't... I don't know why," she says, at length. "I don't... I'll ask her. I'll ask her," she decides, taking strength from the decision. "Maybe -- maybe I should just ask her right now --"
Hands fumbling, she reaches into her vest pocket, for her phone.
Oh no.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina listens to her panic, but mostly it's allowing Yuliana to talk it out, she understands the distress, she doesn't need her Newtype senses at this moment to feel it. "Yuli..."
But then she goes to 'It's the Empress...' "And for how long did Elisa think it was for the best that you stay with someone who was hurting you? That you treat her like she was your wife? That she thought that was best for you? Just because she changed her mind doesn't mean she didn't allow it and enable it."
That's what she responds to...
But... a reasonable explanation, and...
Then she reaches for her phone, and Leina just... she doesn't grab her hand, but she does put a hand on the phone itself. "Yuli." Leina looks in her eyes, "Just do me a favor."
There's something quiet, but firm, "I know you think I'm trying to manipulate you against her. I understand - so just do me one favor. Don't call her first. Talk to one of the other Doctors here."
She of course, can't overpower Yuliana Kafim to save her life, so if Yuliana yanks the phone away, she won't try to stop it, but she asks...
"Just in the name of our friendship, whether you believe me or not - talk to them first. They don't know what we've spoken about right now. I won't be in the room - you can tell them about it completely in your own way."
There's this, long exhalation of breath, "And then after, you can decide - what you need to do. I won't try to stop you. You know my position on the matter."
There's this, almost helpless look on her face, as she pleads with her, "And that's all I can do. Tell you what I think - what I'm seeing... as your friend, who cares about you, and doesn't want to see you get taken advantage of."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I-- I had to receive Her words," Yuliana insists, shaking her head. "I had to impart Her wishes to us. And, She -- She is my Wife, I -- I just -- I chose another wife..."
But Elisa only allowed that -- because it was Yuliana who could hear Her, right?
Surely...
Tears well in Yuliana's eyes again as Leina puts a hand on her phone. She could wrench it out of her grip, certainly -- but instead her hands lower down, phone resting at her knee, as if Leina had the might to overpower even Cyber-Newtypes. She looks down at it, and then to Leina, again, as she shortens her name so familiarly.
She knows...
But Yuliana is a loyal scorpion, and Leina invoking their friendship does make her flinch. "I -- I don't know if I can," she says, strained. "I'm... scared, Leyasha. I'm doing wrong by my wife... thinking like this. Just -- wondering what it means -- what I'm doing -- if it's right. It's a lot of trouble..." Her hand trembles, and she drops her phone onto her lap, as she grasps Leina's arm instead. Thankfully, the grip is trembling instead of tight.
"I don't know," she says, again. "I don't know. I --"
A moment to breathe, "I'll -- try. Okay? I'll, try. Is that okay?" Is she asking Leina, or someone else? "Can I just say what you said? I -- I don't -- I don't have anything bad to say. I don't have anything bad to say, Leyasha. But if it matters that much to you -- I'll -- try. Okay?"
But how can she feel this awful -- and not tell her wife?
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina doesn't quite tense, in part because in a sense, she's not actually afraid of what Yuliana could do.
She just trusts that she won't do it.
She doesn't presume too much, she doesn't do anything aggressive. And thus, she truly doesn't believe Yuliana will hurt her here.
"You're doing right by yourself... considering it. Isn't that message of the Silent Calling? To consider whether your wife is emptying out... your cup."
It's an awkward metaphor, but she tries it anyway, "That's not something she should participate in. If your individuality really matters so much, then - you should think about it by yourself, right?"
Yuliana doesn't know - she takes some time to breathe... and...
"That's all I ask - and yes. You can say what I said. I promise, there's not some conspiracy between me and your Doctors. We're not working against you. If I was against you, I would have turned you over to Cathedra, right?"
She asks her, quietly, "I've had every opportunity, for months. The PPL is Benerit land after all - but I haven't, because I'm not against you. Because I want you to get help, to get better."
Her hand slides away from the phone, and she smiles, wanly, "Thank you for trying."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I need to take care of myself..." Yuliana starts, before she frowns, and insists: "But Elya wants to take care of me."
(To 'care for her'... is how Dr. Petrov put it.)
"It just feels unfaithful," she says, a touch defeated, "not to share with my wife."
Leina gets ahead of Yuliana's paranoia, though, and she smiles weakly when she poses that hypothetical question. "You've kept me safe," she has to agree. It's... well, it's logical enough she can't immediately disprove it.
Can she keep Leina safe, when she's saying such awful things? ... never mind that.
"They won't -- they won't do anything, if, if I say it, will they? Elya wouldn't like it if they kept me here. I... I don't want her to tell me not to come back," she admits, quietly. "Because I guess I wouldn't... and, you know, I think... I think I'm getting better, Leyasha. Aren't I? Just -- just a little?" She swallows, scrubbing at her eyes. "If I go... I at least want it to be my call. That's all..."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"And to me it feels far more unfaithful for a wife to be so controlling of you." Is Leina's quiet, sad answer. It is badmouthing Elisa, but it's true.
"If I was with someone so controlling of me, you'd tell me, right? Even if it was my husband?"
That's how she turns it around, by trying to indicate that Yuliana would in fact tell her. Yuliana is smart, she's dealt with domestic abuse, she knows it's more than just physical.
But people can't see it when it's themselves.
"They might recommend you don't return, but they wouldn't force it, no." There's that reassurance, "And neither would I. I can't control your life like that - Yuliana, and I don't want to either."
It's... this slight nod, "I think you are too. Just a little." She feels like she can't breathe, like she's going to be sick but...
... it's all that she can do.
"It's your call, Yuli. I can't make that decision for you. I can ask you to reconsider but - that's all."
She'd definitely be disappointed? But... unfortunately, she wouldn't be surprised.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"She doesn't control... everything," Yuliana says, even as her gaze drops to all her jewellery. It marks her, and...
She can't quite look at Leina, as she points out, dismally, "... but I didn't see it. I didn't see him controlling you... until you'd left." Is it fair to pair Banagher's concerns over Leina associating with Yuliana with -- this?
She's pairing it, anyway. Perhaps it's easier for her to think Leina's been there.
"But... I wasn't happy about it."
Maybe it still hit its mark.
Leina reassures her that they're not looking to control her, though, and Yuliana looks to her again. Her brow knits, as she scrutinises Leina's expression, finally noticing. Something's...
"I don't want to," she shakes her head, answering first. "I don't want to go. Not right now. I just -- don't want it to turn out bad -- Elya is always worried about me, you know. If she thought it wasn't good for me, being here -- I just, you know. Not that I think she'd demand it, or anything..."
She pauses, fingers still resting on Leina's arm, squeezing her lightly. "Leyasha," she says, looking to her. "Are you well? You look pale." Is she pushing herself too far, just for Yuliana? Wouldn't that be something?
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"The point isn't whether you saw it. It's whether... you would, if you did."
Leina tells her quietly, working through it, because Banagher is a complex issue. It isn't so much that he was controlling in her eyes as... as...
... that Leina took herself for granted, because his needs were just...
She felt herself spilling into him, so much of herself that she even agreed to...
She takes a deep breath, and closes her eyes. "I know... I..." But Yuliana asks, if she's well, and Leina puts a hand up to her face, and...
"I'm..." Her arm slides away, and she takes a breath, "... I'm a little overwhelmed... the thought of you going back there. Back to her. It's... it's so much."
She rubs her hand across her face, "It's... so much. I'm sorry I'm not - trying to pressure you it's..." She rubs a hand across her eyes, "God Yuli."
She can't say it, she knows that Yuliana would take it poorly... so poorly...
... but in her eyes it'd be like her choosing to go back to Glemy, and that image of letting Yuliana CHOOSE to do that. In this moment at least, it's the worst feeling in the world, even if she knows there's nothing else to do.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I..." Yuliana sinks, her shoulders sagging, her tentacles dragging across the ground. Elisa wouldn't like her honestly saying, "I'm sorry," but Yuliana supposes Elisa wouldn't like any of this conversation. "I can't -- I can't leave my wife. I love her, Leyasha. My heart aches just to speak like this."
She grasps her arm, even as she looks away, again. "Elya knows everything," she says, quietly. "I just thought... if I could say something she couldn't hear... I suppose I'll just end up telling her. I just... I felt troubled. I... thank you," another thing Elisa would hate, "for, for listening to that. I really think you're being too dramatic, far too dramatic, but... I know you're worried for me. I... I'm glad for it." Rather she needs it, all-consuming. Imagine if someone were worried for her!
"There are things... some things you said, I... I can't explain them yet. I... I admit I can't explain them yet. But -- but I'm not in danger -- I promise! Elya would never harm me. Not a hair on my head. Why, after the Institute did all those awful things -- she gave me a potion to regrow my hair!" That's not really the point of the saying, but Yuliana just really wants to mention a nice thing Elisa did. It's important to her, right now.
She takes a breath. "If -- if you're that worried -- then, just to settle your nerves, I -- Elya has complete access to my phone, you know, and my tablet, so, so there's nothing I can do there she can't see. I gave it to her," she adds, with a light scowl. "I let her see everything. I wanted her to see, so she didn't force her way in, or anything. But... but if you wanted, then... I guess I could take another phone. That way... I could call you, and she wouldn't even have to know. I don't know, it feels like I'm sneaking around on her, but..."
It bothers her that Leina is distressed over her going back home. It's uncomfortable. It's not her fault, but she did kind of completely trash her wife in front of her, so now she's worried, and -- maybe this will settle it. Maybe.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Yuli. You worked as a cop. You saw it all the time, didn't you?"
There's this knowing look, because of course Yuliana saw it all the time.
"How many times did you see someone abused who couldn't leave, because they loved 'him'?"
It's necessary to say it, even as Yuliana grasps her arm, as she says...
"She doesn't." Leina tells her, "She definitely doesn't know everything. You're just so wound up that you think she does - that it's better just to say. That it's a betrayal of trust that you don't. Think about it. I proved she doesn't even know everything about the Empress recently, right? If she did, she wouldn't have changed her mind."
Again - Yuli indicates she's not in danger and Leina...
"Yuli just because she won't harm you directly doesn't mean you're not in danger. You can do a lot of harm to someone without hurting them. Forcing dependence upon her? Forcing you to validate her obsession? That's a type of harm."
She really does feel ill, but Yuliana has a suggestion... and... there's this moment, where she blinks her eyes, and there's this doubt.
'she wouldn't even have to know'
She wouldn't, but...
... would you just tell her?
There's a moment where her eyes close, and she takes a deep breath, "I can... do that for you. I'm still worried but - I can do that... I..." She reluctantly allows.
If Yuliana decides to go back, there isn't in fact, much more she can do... but there is one thing.
"Yuliana just - just know, I realize I can't make you stay but - just, I want you to know. If you do? The option to leave - it's always there."
She tells her, with a serious look in her eyes, "No matter what. The option to leave - it'll be there. We'll figure out something. It's never too late for a fresh start, but, we can't make that choice for you."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Elya's not a man," Yuliana says. "It's different."
It's not that different.
Yuliana frowns, when Leina points out what Elisa doesn't know. "I... I guess. It's just... if it's about me... I guess it just feels that way." She doesn't know everything. Not everything. She just...
... has her ways of finding out.
And her ways of making Yuliana depend on her -- and think of nothing but her -- "I... I guess that's what you think." But is it so bad for Elisa to support Yuliana when she's struggling, or ask for validation? It feels... so unfair.
"What? Is that wrong?" Yuliana scowls, sensitised, when Leina is reluctant. But it's not that, apparently -- it's the other thing.
"Oh..." She swallows, facing down eyes which aren't quite green like hers. "O--okay. I... I hear you. I should rip off my ears, but..." She can't bear to keep her gaze; she looks away, again, ashamed. "... I hear you."
She notices, looking down, that her fingers are trembling.
"...", she starts, and takes another breath. "Leyasha, I... want to go see the doctor, now. Okay? I have to -- to get it done. Okay?"
Strong as she is, she might need a hand up, anyway...
... but at least when she's in Dr. Kimura's office, Leina can get out of that horrible field around her.