2024-04-28: .ever does water rise to kill me and minE
- Log: .ever does water rise to kill me and minE
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Elisa Kafim
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2024-04-28
- Summary: The Kafims decide to have a picnic by the ice, since it's such a nice day in Spring. But the warming ice proves treacherous as young Makar tries to make his way out to the inert Psychoframe in the water beside the Castle, and Yuliana makes a split-second decision to save him, plunging into the ice in his place. Elisa's ferocious rescue leaves her cold, even as she makes every effort to resuscitate and warm her wife, and she is left to try and understand why Yuliana would sacrifice herself for the boy. Yuliana tries her best to explain the different types of love when she gets her wits about her -- and Elisa promises to value Yuliana's family as she does. At the same time, they must grapple with the question of why the Empress would call to Yuliana during this near-death experience... instead of reaching through the weakened boundary to change her further. (Content warning: uhhh I don't have a pithy phrase for this one but if you have kids you should definitely brace for the i-looked-away-from-my-kid-for-five-seconds-and-now-they're-sticking-a-fork-in-the-socket energy of content here. No children are grievously injured but that's probably gonna get you. Also: drowning!)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
This deep into Spring, the sun has completed its slow ascent into the sky; there, it will bathe the Silent Castle in light throughout Summer. The weather is a pleasant, balmy -6 degrees Celcius out here -- still cold enough to kill any unprepared human, but lovely enough that going out into the courtyard isn't the worst thing in the world. You know, shorts weather.
Today, the family has gathered beyond the Castle walls to enjoy playing outside, for once. Though the Castle sprawls across the island, there is still plenty of ice out here... even if it's more broken than thick, further out towards the ocean. Global warming has come for Kaffeklubben, too, even with how cold Elisa keeps her home.
But she does inspire a certain chill, with her works; the ice by the water's edge is still quite solid. And Yuliana knows better than to go out there!
No: they're busy setting up a family picnic by the shore, out where they can admire the vista of ice. Adharis has been tasked with scaring away the horribly green geese before they can ruin the picnic; Faiz and Tri Darma, meanwhile, have been given the task of setting up the picnic tables, so that Sashenka and her children can spread the food across them.
The kids are out here, too! They're playing amongst themselves, and they're right there, so don't worry too much about them. Maksim is eight, now, so surely he's responsible enough to look out for his five year old brother. Makar might still be a little young, but he's a sensible boy, isn't he?
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
It's wonderful out. Elisa is sure of it. Someone's said it, in any case, and that's good enough.
Her works inspire great chill, but for now, Elisa is with Yuliana instead. The family picnic will be lovely, of course. The whole family has things to do for it.
Elisa is no stranger to food. She has eaten much food in her time, and is accustomed to nourishment. She works on placing it in pleasing places, as she spends time with the others. This is 'family time', after all.
"My Yuliana," she says, "Where are the napkins?"
She is not focused on the kids at the moment. For now, anyway.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And Yuliana smiles, cheeks ruddy with more than the chill which sneaks in past her lovely, warm furred hood, to hear Elisa call her so. She looks about, and -- "oh!" She exclaims, a mittened hand to her mouth. "Elya, we must have forgotten!"
"They may still just be in the pack," Sashenka points out, before her daughter can work herself into a fuss. "Zhena dochura," she addresses her daughter's wife in just that way, warmly, because she knows Elisa enjoys her marriage being noticed, "would you go check our supplies? I'm sure someone would have packed them." There are still some things left to unpack, in a little pile in the snow, over by the wall.
Meanwhile, a horrible goose honks at Adharis. HOOOONK.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Adharis stands proudly, hands on hips, and regards the goose. "Goose!" she says. "I am also a warrior. We shall have our differences known, here and now!"
"I attack!" She charges the goose. If it doesn't run away she will wrestle it into submission.
Meanwhile, Elisa says, "Ah, did we?" But Sashenka points it out, and Elisa inclines her head. "I would," she answers her, pleased at the notice and form of address, and begins to walk over by the wall, towards the pile which she can investigate.
She has taken off her gloves already; it's easier to work this way.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
HOOOOOONK, hollers the horrible goose, as it charges Adharis and joins her in glorious goose battle.
Somehow, it manages to steal her broom, but it wasn't accounting for her willingness to just straight-up tackle it.
That's a very normal thing happening over there, and Tri Darma calls Faiz's attention to it, chuckling. "Seems you married a fearless woman, eh?"
Elisa thankfully goes to address the napkin situation, and Yuliana continues setting out plates, humming to herself as her frills curl and fan about her ears.
They're all accounted for. But...
"I'm brave enough to touch it," Makar insists, pointing at the dull red hunk of inert Psychoframe crystals rising from the shallow waters, as if it were just one more iceberg.
"No way," Maksim, the oldest at eight whole years, insists. He folds his arms. "You're gonna cry. You're gonna cry like a girl."
Sashenka is occupied setting things up; each of those adults must surely be certain they saw the boys not a moment ago. And yet it takes only a moment for children to declare their bravery, and --
"I'm going!" Makar huffs, as he storms out towards the iceberg.
"Waaaaahhhhhhh," Maksim mocks him, his mittened hands scrubbing at his face as if he's wiping away tears.
And it's at that moment that Sashenka senses something is wrong -- not with profane insight but simply the old habits of motherhood -- and looks up, to ask: "Vnuchok?"
Because she has noticed, as Yuliana notices, the way Makar stomps out onto the ice... only for his steps to grow unsteady, his arms lifting in the air as he tries to keep his balance. And Sashenka does start to rush after him --
-- but her daughter is faster.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-q3P98N23M The Birthday Massacre - To Die For
Of course she is faster. They poured steroids into her muscles; they reshaped her bones; they beat and bent her brain to signal adrenaline so much faster and so much more. Yuliana is a creature who was made after she was born, and there is only one woman here who could outmatch her.
But Yuliana does not think to demans Elisa's aid, in that moment. She is fetching the napkins, she is occupied, and the ice is cracking now. She was not made to think, in these snapshot moments. She is the one who acts.
"MAKAR!" She screams, as she dives to grab him before the ice can crack beneath his feet. She tries to be gentle as she tosses him back towards the shore; still his knees scrape, hitting the ice. Just as his brother predicted, he wails, first at the shock of the pain and then at the sound of the ice CRACKING.
There is no time for Yuliana to scream, before she disappears from the sightline of the ice. If they weren't all watching, no one would know.
"DOCHURA!" Sashenka screams for her only daughter, lunging forward; it's Tri Darma who lunges over to catch her, holding her back as she wrenches herself against him. And it's Tri Darma who thinks to invoke her wife, though he doesn't bother to look to see where Elisa is as he bellows: "Elisa! Save her!"
(It's the only way he can grasp any sense of control, right now, to command someone else. He is as horrified as anyone.)
How nice it would be if Yuliana could hear these heartfelt cries and know how much she is loved. But she is plunged into the water and almost passes out from the sheer cold; it is only a function of that battle-readiness which keeps her consciousness about her, even as she realises her lungs are filling with frigid water. It hurts to open her eyes, but she orients herself, anyway.
The sun shines through the ice, warmth for the Earth and the universe beyond it. She fancies she sees an eye, instead, burning green instead of gold. Come to me, She reaches through the threshold where life and death are neighbours. Come to me.
Yuliana can swim, believe it or not. She hasn't since she was a child -- but it's a skill every child learns, on the Indonesian coastline. Dazed and drowning, she swims upwards, towards that great, vast eye. She reaches up --
-- and her hand presses against firm ice.
Of course it does. She was just plunged into the freezing Arctic; she had no hope of finding the hole she left, when every part of her body is struggling to be first to shut down. Her fingers press against the ice for a desperate moment, as if she could summon the strength to punch straight through... before they slacken, and sink down.
Just like the rest of her.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
HONK. Adharis fights a mighty battle.
Faiz laughs. "That's not the half of it..."
But while Elisa is handling the napkins, something else happens. They are only mostly accounted for. Makar and Maksim argue. Elisa is perhaps the only one who is not certain that she saw them a moment ago--
Because she turns only after Yuliana screams. She calls out, and Elisa turns, only to see her fall. Her blood already runs cold, but if it could grow colder, it just did. Yuliana disappears from the sightline--
"YULIANA!"
Of course she will do what it is her very nature to do, and she does not argue Tri Darma's bellow. Instead, she lunges out onto the ice, looks around. She cannot see Yuliana, so instead, she reaches to feel her--her eyes turn brilliant, glowing green. She senses that call--
She looks down, to see where Yuliana is in the ice. Elisa immediately drops down to the floor of the cold, and moves just to the side--Thud. THUD. CRACK.
Elisa tears open the ice with her bare hands, fingers bleeding from the strain their ichorous blood, and dives in to catch and find Yuliana, completely single-minded.
There is nothing else that matters.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Makar and Maksim are both crying, now, the latter moving up to drag his little brother further back. Sashenka is still fighting, but luckily, Tri Darma is still stronger than her even with his extra years. "Let her handle it," he insists, to the blank horror of his wife's grief. "Let her handle it!"
But Sashenka screams, "DOCHURA!", and it is not the first time she has faced the terror of seeing her child drown. She would throw herself into the Arctic in a moment.
Luckily, she doesn't have to.
There, beneath that horrid pale white, Yuliana's furs sink beneath the water. The barrier shudders and surrenders, cracking with base violence, hissing where Elisa's blood hits the ice. And Yuliana sinks, but even in these dark waters, Elisa would never lose track of her. She knows, from the filaments of her ears down to her fragment of her soul, precisely where she's sinking.
Dead weight.
When Elisa dives into the water, the only word which can describe Yuliana's considerable heft is dead weight. Her muscles are stiff as a corpse; she isn't shivering. That's not a good thing.
Neither is the fact that she isn't breathing.
Humans can't breathe water, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa hears, dimly, the screaming of Sashenka and the insistence of Tri Darma, before she enters the water. Then, she hears nothing but the rush of the waves around her. She does not lose track; those furs sink, and sink, and sink, and Elisa swims down to gather Yuliana up.
She feels it, that dead weight, and her expression twists. She does not swim up from the water with her.
She just extends her free hand and exerts energy, rocketing back up with the force of lightning to the surface and through the ice once again.
Elisa sets Yuliana down on the white surface, and places hands over her. She has no room to focus on anyone else--the first order of business is to open Yuliana's mouth and force the water out. Then, and only then, does she remember the others, as the water courses through the air and onto the ice.
"I must warm her. Join me inside."
She picks up Yuliana again and rushes into the air with a LEAP towards the castle.
Why doesn't she teleport?
Because Elisa, too, is a jealous wife.
Inside is fire, and warming inhalant medicine, and cocoa, and heat packs, and places to--
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Oh my God," Sashenka sobs, as she sees Elisa break through the ice with the force of her magic. "Yulya-- Yulya--!!"
She can only watch, as Elisa forces the water from Yuliana's lungs with that same magic which lifted them, both more and less violent than forcing them clear manually. As that water hangs in the air for a moment, before it's dashed onto the ice safely away from Yuliana...
... she coughs. And they are ragged, shallow breaths, but they are at least breaths. Elisa got to her quickly enough -- that her body still remembers how to breathe.
Perhaps it's wise, though, that Elisa doesn't open a portal to bring them where they ought to be.
Here on the threshold between life and death, Yuliana feels Her gaze, jealous and waiting.
It could consume the whole world.
But Elisa brings her inside -- and when she's out of those clothes freezing to her skin, when she's wrapped in warm furs with heat packs tucked beneath her arms and on her lap and against her chest and her back, propped up against the fire, directed to breathe in that warming medicine...
... Yuliana does start shivering, again, eventually.
It takes some time, just as it takes time for sense to return to her, her consciousness dimmed by the sheer cold. But when she's able to lift her head, she's able to take directed sips of that hot cocoa, fortified with energy to give her the resources she needs to warm herself.
"Nnn... nn-nnnn..." Yuliana hums, looking up to her wife, all wrapped up. The blueness is fading from her skin now, at least, replaced with the warmth of perfusion again. "E--eely-yh," it's the first word she's tried to say, so perhaps she can be forgiven for making such a hash of it, "i-is -- i-i-s h-h-h-he --"
She's asking if Makar is safe.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Breaths. It is a start. Yes, a start.
That gaze will not take Yuliana today. Elisa has seen to that much. Neither will she be lost to the both of them. No, Elisa brings her inside, and eventually Yuliana starts to shiver.
Elisa has changed her robes, since waiting for Yuliana to come around. More accurately, she bid a servant bring her new ones and exchanged them on the spot, rather than risk her hands and arms and body making things worse when Yuliana inevitably returnd to her arms.
It must be inevitable. She will make it so.
Though she feels a spike of white-hot jealousy, Elisa knows the question Yuliana asks. And so, she answers it.
"He is safe," Elisa says. "Our parents have him. You saved him."
And her mind screeches at her that it was unnecessary. That having such things that Yuliana values so much is itself a horrific, unnecessary risk when they are not so sturdy as she is.
"..."
"He is safe. As are you. You very nearly were not."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And Yuliana knows -- she knows that she is jealous. She doesn't need their connection to know that she is jealous, though certainly she knows the curling grasp of tentacles around a flower. With desperation, she pants, and shivers out: "T--the mo-most imp-portant t-t-thing -- Elyyh -- Elya, w-we must s-s-safeguard t-the children. W--we must. I-I had t-t-to -- dep-p-p-- h-he depends o-on us, Elya. W-we are r-r-responsible for -- for h-him -- his s-safety. P-please --" she can't reach out to her, swaddled in furs as she is, but her creased brow tries. "P-please understand, E-Elya."
It's important to her that the first thing out of her mouth isn't an apology for putting Elisa through such an awful experience.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
It is not a pleasing lesson, not a joyous thing to hear in the moment. Elisa is jealous, as she hears those words through Yuliana's shivering, her 'most important thing'. The most important thing that Yuliana wishes to...
But Yuliana wishes her to understand this. There are long moments when Elisa weighs it.
"...Very well," she says. "I shall value them as highly. We shall accept this responsibility."
Yuliana so wanted them...
"...We shall care for them," she says, "As we have promised."
For their safety... for their being...
"...He can depend on me, as you can. When you have recovered enough that you will not frighten him for your condition, I will have him brought to see that you are well."
Yuliana asked her to understand. She is the type to think of action, first. But understanding might require more depth. Still...
"...I recognize how important this is. Give me time, to also understand it."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Perhaps, one day, Elisa will connect Sashenka's immediate grief and compulsion to act with Yuliana's beliefs about the importance of one's own children.
And Yuliana smiles, through her shivering, when Elisa weighs her answer and delivers it. "T--thank y-you -- I-I-I'm glad, zh--zhenushka. A-and, I, I'm s-sorry -- I -- I-I'm this f-fragile. I-- I d-didn't think..."
She falls to shivering silence, for a moment. "... t-there was n-n-n-no t-t-time," she manages to get out, eventually. "H-he's only l-little... Elya... I-I was s-s-so s-scared he'd f-fall in. H-he's too young, t-this w-w-would... he'd d-die." Yuliana is an adult, and with enough fat on her to help protect her against the freezing Arctic waters; she's all too aware of the advantages she has over her young cousin, which let her speak with her wife here after falling in.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Perhaps it is so. Perhaps that day will even be today. But it will not be this moment.
"There was no time for you to think," she says, not because she approves of that, but because she sees it. "Your impulse to do what matters to you is beautiful. ...It troubles me at times, because it puts you in danger. But it is beautiful, all the same."
"I understand. I do not know that I could have saved him, as I saved you. I will... be more careful," she says, "To ensure his safety."
But how?
"I will have to consider how."
She reaches out a hand to place on the shivering Yuliana, where there is heat. "...I love you, my darling," she says. "And this truth I will love as well."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And Yuliana smiles, evidently soothed by the pressure of Elisa's touch, even if it's through the medium of that heat pack. (It cools, against her chest, but not to the point of uselessness.) "I-I-I love y-you t-t-too, b-boyevaya po-podruga," she shivers out that declaration that Elisa shall be by her side in any fight she picks, a particular type of affection. "I-I'm s-so blessed y-you w-w-were there t-to save m-m-me f-from my impuh-plusiveness... I-I would've d-died if it w-wasn't f-f-for you. T-thank you... zh-zhenushka..."
She swallows, looking up to her, eyes pleading even if her arms are pinned. "S--stay with m-me," she shivers, all vulnerability. "I-I'm s-s-so cold... I-I need y-y-you, Elya."
She can, at least, keep feeding her cocoa and helping her breathe in that warming medicine... and she can make sure Yuliana doesn't decide she's too hot and try to strip off her furs in a paradoxical effort to right the situation.
It will take her some time until her temperature rights itself, but Elisa is an attentive wife. In time, she may even grow warm enough that she can embrace her wife again -- so long as she's still covered by all those furs.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
This is indeed a fight Yuliana has picked, and it is one that is far more difficult than destroying an enemy. Elisa has accepted a battle with far many more conditions for loss.
"Of course," Elisa says. "I will always save you."
But a pause, then. She is cold...
Yes. Elisa does these things; she stays with Yuliana, speaking and not as she needs. It will take time, but Elisa has time, so long as Yuliana is here.
"I will stay."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And it's a relief -- such a relief -- to know that Elisa will always save Yuliana, no matter what happens, no matter what trouble she puts herself in. Elisa is with her, and Yuliana is safe, knowing that. Her mother comes in, at one point -- still quite beside herself -- and it's an emotional scene, with the relief that she's well. (And of course Sashenka lavishes praise on her other daughter, for saving hers. She is nothing but grateful for Elisa's strength.)
... Sashenka says she should have saved him, and this, perhaps, is one more piece in the puzzle, particularly when Yuliana assures her she's saved enough children from drowning.
With the reassurance that Elisa's parents are seeing to the children, Yuliana's heart is soothed a little more; she doesn't quite catch the implication that Tri Darma is taking care of Sashenka, but she's always been a little self-centred, like that.
A while after their mother leaves, and Yuliana's temperature measures high enough that she's able to tug Elisa onto the couch beside her, to curl up against her cold chest and hide herself there. (Heating packs, pinned between the two of them, helps to offset the chill which grips Elisa after such a desperate use of her Power.) Her face, lined with another warm furred hood, noses in against Elisa's neck; she breathes her in, unsteadily.
"I..." She starts, after a long stretch of silence; she's not always felt well enough to talk, after such an event. "Oh God, Elya, I... I almost died, didn't I?" She's at least stopped shivering so fiercely; it served its purpose in raising her temperature back up with those rapid movements. "It must have been, so scary, for you, too... oh, Elya, are you all right?" She didn't have the insight to say that to her mother, but perhaps that visit eventualy made her realise how heavy the weight must be on her wife.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
It is a very emotional scene, and Elisa recognizes that. She recognizes the relief in Sashenka, the praise that she gives her, and she endeavors to respond appropriately. Her strength will always be ready for Yuliana. But Sashenka--
It is a piece of the puzzle. Elisa wonders at that.
And she does join Yuliana on the couch eventually. Elisa is indeed quite chilly after all that, but not only physically. She notices that unsteadiness...
Ah, there.
"You did," Elisa says. "But I understand why. I understand how important it is to you. And I will not take that from you."
A pause. Is she all right?
"...I..."
She initially thinks to say she is fine, but, "I..."
"I was concerned," she allows. "Very much concerned."
"But it is not a thing I can simply defeat."
"I must be more careful. But not too careful. It would not do to be overly restrictive..."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Oh," Yuliana sighs, and her heart will shatter, to realise the burden on Elisa's. She reaches up a hand, out of their furs, to cradle one of Elisa's cheeks, pressing her face to the other. "Oh, Elya... it's hard on you, isn't it...?"
She's worried about restricting them -- because of what Yuliana said.
She has to operate under a lot of desires, with such a willful wife, doesn't she...?
"It must be so hard... to know what to do," she says, softly. "It must be so hard. I love that you care so much, zhenushka. But you must feel so lost, don't you..?" And perhaps she's projecting, but, well -- Yuliana is doing her best with the toolset she has.
If she'd feel lost, surely Elisa would feel lost, too.
"You were almost taken from me," she says, she names, she affirms. "Please, don't blame Makar, but... that doesn't mean you can't feel that grief, Elya. Or even that anger... it's normal, zhenushka," she calls her her dearest wife, again, all knotted up in her concern. "It's normal to be upset. It's normal to worry. It's normal, okay?"
And she is struck with her own grief over the responsibility of communicating this -- to someone who hasn't been human for a long time.
She thinks Elisa doesn't know.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Lost? Elisa wonders of that, for a moment. It is hard on her, but lost? Elisa tilts her head, thoughtfully. But Yuliana is indeed doing her best. The strangest thing, Elisa finds, is that Yuliana describes her feeling and it...
Does not mesh.
It is not what she is feeling.
"I will not blame him," Elisa says, which is not the same as 'did not blame him', because that would be untrue. "...it is not..."
She considers her words, and shakes her head. "I worry," she admits. "I am... 'upset'."
"But it is not lost that I feel. It is... something else."
"I am confined," she says. "I do not know what I can do to achieve my objectives. I have added to those objectives, today. I knew that I cared for the boys, but I did not realize the depth of your care."
"And so I am faced with how to protect them--and how to protect you. And I do not yet know that answer."
"I do not like... not knowing."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana hears the way Elisa frames her blame, and she supposes she can't blame her wife, though she is struck by the way she did. (How could someone blame a child for --)
She focuses on what Elisa tries to say, slowly, deliberately, and keeps cradling her face in her hand. Of course it is hard to hear that Elisa doesn't feel as Yuliana would feel, but they are Elisa's honest feelings, anyway, and those are precious still.
"... it is hard," she offers, after a considerate pause, "to be a mother. Mamulya told me -- no one has ever succeeded at writing the book on it, though many have tried. But, Elya, this... this is normal, too," she assures her, still, a touch desperately. "It's normal not to know. And it's normal to feel frustrated -- confined," she does use Elisa's language, even if she cites her feelings first, "not knowing how to do it. But... our mothers both managed to do it," Yuliana points out, tilting her cheek into Elisa's, rubbing it there. "You can ask them, Elya. You don't have to figure out the answer alone."
She pauses, again, her frills curling in a show of uncertainty felt against Elisa's skin.
"But... how is it that protecting them is also a question of protecting me, Elya?" Yuliana ventures, after that cautious moment.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa listens, when Yuliana pauses. She considers. Being a mother... it is not something Elisa asked for; it is something she considered for Yuliana.
She notices that uncertainty, of course, but she is considering her own feelings as well, now. Still...
"That is true," she says. "I have mothers to ask of such things. That is... helpful. I do not prefer not to be expert, but in this, I can... accept help."
A pause, then, and a lift of her eyebrow. "Because if you will risk yourselves for them, then protecting them and protecting you are linked. I cannot keep you safe by allowing harm to come to those whom you hold dear."
"And so I will also hold them dear. More than I have, in the past."
"To 'care' is insufficient. I must... do more."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Perhaps Yuliana was selfish, wanting children more than her wife. But she's always been a selfish woman.
"Good," she breathes, when Elisa expresses her willingness to accept help. Isn't it good for her to seek the strength of her family, after all?
She listens, still holding herself close, as Elisa explains how their family is linked. "I love them, zhenushka," she explains, "as if they were my own children. It's different to the way I love you... but they are still important to me, and... I take my responsibility to them seriously. Oh, Elya, they're still so small! I want them to grow up strong... and to know they still have family who love them, even now Lyubov is gone." Her mother's sister's daughter; she would have been around Yuliana's age, before her heart condition claimed her.
(And what does that imply, about Yuliana's heart?)
"It's important to me... that the children have mothers who will protect and love them. I would risk my life for that..." She sighs, sinking against her wife. "... though... I know that's hard on you. I'm sorry, Elya... just in this case, I couldn't let someone else suffer for my sake."
She at least has enough insight to recognise all the other times she's thrown other people under the bus to save herself.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Yuliana explains it, and perhaps it is for the best that she explains it in depth; Yuliana has this love for them that Elisa seems to have only for her. Different, but...
"I know," she says. "You showed that to me, that love. That concern."
To let someone else suffer... to Elisa, it has never made much difference 'who' that someone else is. But to Yuliana it seems to. An her own heart...
"I appreciate that," she says. "But it is fine. This is important to you."
"I will love them, as well. I will ensure their safety, and their chance to grow up. You would risk your life for it; I will see that you do not have to, as much as I am able."
"It is different, from how I act towards you. But I will do it all the same. They will know this 'love' regardless of what happens. This is my word, as well."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana smiles, against her wife's cold skin. "I'm so happy to hear that, Elya," she sighs, nuzzling her cheek again. "I know you'll move Heaven and Earth to keep your word... I know they'll be safe with you, just like I am."
She strokes her cheek, as if she could communicate her loving feelings through her fingertips. "It is different," she affirms. "We share romantic love, Elya, which is only for us. But there is also love between families, which endures despite differences between them... in a way, romantic love is a way to extend that love to someone who was not linked to you by birth or adoption, Elya, by bringing another person into your family. Though they're different, and only one person can claim your heart, in doing so the bonds of marriage extend those family bonds to both parties. One is chosen, and one is given to you..."
Yuliana pauses, frills curling around the side of Elisa's head as she thinks. "... there is also the love two friends share," she adds, as in afterthought. "Which can still be quite strong... though it can't rival the love of one's family, let alone one's wife. That's why those feelings are usually described with liking, instead... but people understand the hierarchical nature, even when they speak of their love for their friends. Behind those personal relationships, there is love for one's country or cause... well, people who don't have anyone important in their lives can still be consumed by those types of love." Another light pause. "And of course, there is love for God... and some people place this higher than any other love, but..."
She lifts her hand, to stroke at Elisa's hair. "... though I love God, I love you more, zhenushka," she affirms, pulling back just far enough to be able to gaze at her properly. "Back then, I felt the Empress calling to me... I'm so relieved you kept me with you, Elya."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"Yes," Elisa says. "You need not worry."
So recently having exerted her Power, Elisa is not at the most emotional of states. But she recognizes the intent of fingertips on her cheek; she recognizes the tone in which Yuliana speaks to her. "Love of many kinds..."
"I remember it, I think."
The love of friends, but of course it is 'liking' instead. She notices which ones Yuliana values. She values the same, of course. And while some might...
"Yes," Elisa says. "I sensed it. Perhaps it would be better to allow you to return. ...But I love you more, as well, than my Self. We will return to Her together or not at all."
"That, too, is my commitment."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Of course Elisa could remember such a thing. Did she have it, before she met her, before she realised who She was?
(How much has Yuliana taken from Elisa --)
She shivers, again, when Elisa wonders if it would be better if she returned -- but her skin is still warm, where it hasn't been cooled by Elisa's skin, so it can't be her temperature dropping. "I want to go with you," she says, clutching herself to her wife, tentacles weaving more tightly about her. "I only want to go with you. Elya, I don't wish to return alone..."
And of course she is afraid of it; of course she's seeking her wife's protection. Even if she were to make her way home, she'd be frightened to go there without Elisa. It's Elisa who will make Herself understand, after all.
"Stay with me," she pleads, quietly. "Stay with me, always. Even if I have to be apart from you... oh, Elya, I'll go mad if I can't come back to you. I must be in your arms. I belong here!" And perhaps her upset over that possibility betrays -- just how upset she is that she almost died.
That she almost left her wife.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa does not much care what is 'better', in the end. Yuliana clutches to her, and that is good enough. Yuliana shivered for other reasons, and she speaks of what she wants--
"I will," Elisa promises Yuliana. "I will not 'send' you, of this be assured. I will remain with you, no matter the cost."
Almost...
"You belong here," she agrees. "With me."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"With you," Yuliana breathes affirmation, nuzzling her face against Elisa's cold neck again. She should shy away from the cold, after what happened to her, but -- but more important than being warm is being close to her wife.
"I was so scared, Elya," she says, softly, against her skin. "Oh, hold me, darling... before I knew it, I was on thin ice. Before I knew it, I was under the water again... it even hurt to open my eyes, it was so cold. I was so cold, and all at once, not after a while. It didn't even take a while. She called to me, Elya, She called to me, but when I swam up I hit solid ice, and I..."
She sniffs, her cheek canting against the nape of Elisa's neck. "I remember thinking surely I could shatter it," she says, hopelessly. "They made me this strong, I -- I couldn't be trapped just by a little ice." Being fair to Yuliana, it was hardly just a little ice. "But I didn't, did I? I didn't break it..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa is still there. She holds Yuliana gently, carefully--but firmly. She is not letting go, anytime soon. And then she was so cold, because...
"I know," Elisa says, "I know, somehow, that She did. And yet..."
She shakes her head, softly. "Not without leverage," she says. "The greatest strength cannot always apply, when one is slipping."
"...But I did. Because no matter where I am in this world, I have leverage. Leverage, of force from that other Place."
"It is all right."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And, crucially, Yuliana doesn't want Elisa to let go.
"You're so strong, Elya," Yuliana sighs into Elisa's skin. "I'm so grateful you were there... I wish I remembered it. I must have passed out... but you went very far for me, didn't you? I can feel it," she says, fingers curling against her skin, as if to highlight it physically. "It must have been amazing... you're always amazing, Elya." And it's notable she says that, after she was bothered so recently.
She hesitates, for a moment, before she keeps working through it. "Her audience... it's... what you said, isn't it?" She tries to understand it, buried against her wife. "About emotional resonance... and the boundaries. That had to be... how She changed me, when Dr. Devi did those things. Because... because, she was killing me... a-at least, the parts that mattered." Yuliana isn't freezing any more; Dr. Devi is just terrifying enough to her that her words hitch, anyway.
"Back then, She changed me... but now, She just called me," Yuliana can be felt to frown, even if her face is hidden, frills wilting behind her ears. "I don't know what changed, Elya... but something did, right? Something must have changed..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"I do not think the others will soon forget," Elisa says, showing perhaps unusual concern(?) for what others might say or do or think. But then, they are family. "I am glad you think so," Elisa says of amazing--and then Yuliana continues, and she quiets.
She listens. Emotional resonance and boundaries. Yes. Dr. Devi's invocation does not stir Elisa--that hitch of Yuliana's words does. "My Yuliana..."
She notices that frown. She considers it, for a moment.
"Something has changed," Elisa agrees. "That much is plain. I must meditate on it. I must come to understand."
She has guesses. Theories. But that is all. All except...
"Perhaps the changes She has made have accumulated enough over time that you are closer now than you ever were."
"...Regardless, I will not go to do this now. I am here with you. I will remain here with you."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana's heart is soothed, to hear Elisa claim it, as it should be. And of course she can trust Elisa to know what happened, here; Elisa always knows, even if she has to take time to understand.
"Closer..." Yuliana echoes, wondering quietly. "... even though I pulled away..."
Despite all her efforts in the Photon Power Labs, is she still closer to the Empress than she's ever been?
She sighs, her weight sinking into her wife, trusting herself to her embrace. "Thank you, zhenushka," she murmurs, against her skin. "Thank you... for everything..."
And if she falls asleep against her, surely Elisa can stay still enough to let her rest.