2024-03-09: .and so we hunger for these networks denied uS
- Log: .and so we hunger for these networks denied uS
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Elisa Kafim
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2024-03-09 (ICly October 0098)
- Summary: Yuliana and Elisa have a nighttime conversation about Regina's retirement and their feelings on Celestial Being's dissolution. They affirm that their own battle is not over, despite their pleasant reprieve. Yuliana encourages Elisa's hunger, recognising her feelings over losing all the connections she'd made herself.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
It's late October, and that means the twilight in Kaffeklubben is slowly fading to eternal night. At night it is black as the abyss, and it is in this darkness, lit only by the crackle of the fireplace, that Yuliana rests.
Back pressed to her wife, tentacles and legs all tangled in with her under the furs which keep her warm in -18C weather, Yuliana's arms stretch out to rest her hands at the edge of their pillows. There she dozes, not quite yet asleep, judging by the quality of her breathing. She mumble-hums something incoherent, as a thought crosses through her mind, in the dimming twilight of rest.
"Mm... dyusaw... Gina left?" Regina, that is; Elisa gets to hear all Yuliana's diminutives, naturally. "Senner off.. job witha Callin' kitchm." Yawwwwn. Her gaping maw at least brings a little more oxygen to her brain, so she can say more coherent thoughts. "Gotta get her a resume... then she can go as far'n she wants."
Her very important thought is still sleepy, but Elisa might be able to guess just what Yuliana is trying to say: Yuliana is worried that Regina won't be able to relate any of her Celestial Being achievements to a head chef, and she won't be able to get a job with no experience.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
The darkness comes, and it is soothing. Once, Elisa may have appreciated the sunsets at beaches, but now the light is bothersome. It is better this way.
Elisa is thoughtful, staring up at the ceiling instead of at Yuliana this time, though her arms are around her wife and her attention never truly leaves her.
Naturally at those murmurs, though, she turns her attention back, tilts her eyes towards Yuliana. Regina...
Yes, that woman.
"Hmm. I could arrange a place for her, when the time comes... But I think she might better appreciate your way. Having a chance to earn her place."
Elisa is willing to help, though. That much is true. Elisa can guess it.
"But I saw, yes. I wish her well. ...To be able to live in peace..."
"It is a thing our sacrifices buy, is it not?" Elisa says. "That we continue to fight allows many to not."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Light does tend to illuminate Yuliana's scars. The darkness is a gentler place, for her... even if it's difficult for her to see.
"Mm... she wanted to find her own way," Yuliana agrees, nodding against her wife. "She didn't want to lean on us for too long... she's always been a considerate woman."
Yuliana looks at the dim outline of her fingertips, the light of the fireplace diffused by the veils hanging from their poster bed. (Hands which are only good for fighting... that's how Regina described herself.) "I guess we were both people who couldn't get close to others so easily... but because of that, I felt a kinship with her, anyway. She was our comrade... if she wants a normal life, she of all people deserves it." Her eyes shut, as she leans back against Elisa, and her heart at least still beats.
"So, you're right... that's what I told her, zhenushka. That I'd keep fighting, so she could leave it to me... I'd defend her peaceful life." Yuliana breathes in, and sighs, deeply. "Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm in a hurry to disturb the peace... I just... don't see how we'll escape it, with what we must do, and what NUNE does to us. If Regina wants to cook... we must send her far away, so she isn't caught in our wake."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
If Yuliana cannot see, then Elisa will be her eyes.
But for Regina: to find her own way. "I respect that," Elisa says. "It is well, to attempt to move forward on one's own strength. I wish her the best."
Yuliana's plan then, seems best. Elisa will not intervene.
"Yes..." Elisa might be considered such a person, too. "She was. Our comrades deserve such things. They fought hard for a cause that in the end could not keep them..." She is troubled, still, by the end of Celestial Being.
At least Yuliana's heart beats.
"You said this," Elisa repeats. "..Yes. That is also well."
A nod, then. "I do not either," Elisa admits. "We can enjoy this reprieve now, but NUNE will oppose us again eventually. They cannot leave us alone, now; we represent a challenge to their power."
"So yes. Send her far away, where she will not be caught up in our battles... You are so considerate, my darling. Kind to those who deserve it."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEx_6bmhVow Veruca Salt - Number One Blind
"Me, too..." Yuliana murmurs, nestling in against her wife. It's sad to see her go, but they can wish her the best, anyway.
(It's better this way.)
Her hand curls back towards herself, to find Elisa's hand against her, and she weaves her fingers in. She can hear the trouble, lightly dusted over Elisa's words.
And she smiles, when Elisa calls Yuliana's promises well.
"Gina can get away, at least... I'm glad for that." And there's something to that language of escape, but Yuliana can't quite see it, in the dim illumination. "It's good to be kind, sometimes... a fighter like Gina hasn't had so much kindness in her life, I think. You know, I suggested she get a dog... to help her connect again. She was so taken with Sokrova, after all..."
She squeezes Elisa's hand, again. "It troubles you, doesn't it, boyevaya podruga? The way we were routed... the way we're alone now. Just as it bothers me..." She's spoken of it in her diary, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa strokes Yuliana's side, remembering to be Present. It is only a little; her hand is trapped without moving her; but she is making an effort.
And yes, there is the trouble...
"Yes," she says. Elisa sees it; she hears it, as well. The language of escape. But they cannot give up, and so 'escape' for them is only in their mission. "I think that is a good idea," Elisa says. "A pet... is a good way to connect. I am reminded of this world, when I engage with Sokrova. Perhaps it will be so for her as well."
Elisa curls her fingers with Yuliana's, on the other hand. "It does," Elisa says. "Before I became what I am now, before I accumulated Power... I believed in that cause. It guided my early days along the Empress's path. And I still believe that war is a distraction to progress. ...They were, if not always friends, then comrades. They aided you. And they were... my primary connection, I suppose, aside from you."
"Without them I feel more... isolated, than before."
"Though obviously I need only you, of course."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana hums appreciation, feeling Elisa's fingertips. She is glad for her wife's efforts, her cool heart warming with affection.
(And the medication she took, before she went to bed.)
"Sokrova is a darling boy," Yuliana murmurs, smiling. "Yes... all will be well." Regina will be fine, with a pet at her side.
But will Elisa be all right? Yuliana listens to her, thumb stroking at the edge of her fingers, as she shares her own perspective. She believed, once...
"Yes... it was Celestial Being which first helped me to defy the Republic, under your guidance. I could believe in that equality..." Yuliana sighs, tilting her head back against Elisa. "And it must be much worse for you, mustn't it? Those people... you connected with them before you even found me. But now they are routed, and even Sharochka is gone..."
Her gentleness is carried in her tone. "Zhenushka, of course we need only each other -- but it is reasonable to want more, isn't it? To want more experiences, in this world... it's all right. It's all right to grieve the loss of such a thing."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
The medication is quite important, of course. Vital.
"He is. And so she will be, and all else."
But, Elisa speaks, and, "Yes." These are the things Celestial Being did for them. "...Mm. Yes. I had..." She trails off. "Well, yes. With young Shari gone as well, all our connections to that group seem to have fallen, now. ...I do not blame her, precisely. But it is unfortunate, all the same."
But that gentle tone reaches Elisa. She was brooding, but she seems to think this one over anew. "Hmm... Not to need, but to want," she reflects. "...Yes," she says, as if realizing something herself. "Yes, it is reasonable to want. To desire. And I do desire. I wish... more."
Her eyes glint. There is something hungry in them.
"To lose such a thing is unacceptable."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yes... all will be well. It soothes Yuliana's heart, to hear it.
Though it is unfortunate Shari left them, isn't it? Now, Elisa is bereft of all those connections she made... precious connections she made all on her own. Yuliana grieves for them, too, because she cares for her wife.
She smiles, though, when realisation dawns in Elisa's words. "That's it," she encourages her, dipping her head so that she can lift Elisa's hand up and press her lips to her fingertips. "You're hungry, aren't you...? You're starving..."
Yuliana presses Elisa's hand to her own chest, smiling still. "You don't have to go without, zhenushka," she assures her, voice low. "We may have lost Celestial Being, but we possess the Silent Calling, still... there are many you may know. We don't have to be alone, while we're here..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa is encouraged, as Yuliana encourages her. She lets her hand be moved, and listens. Thinks. Yes. Yes, she is these things. "...I am," she says. "There is much that I want. That I will have."
She looks to the smiling Yuliana, and is assured. She smiles back, and continues to have the appropriate number of teeth, bright and shining in the dark.
"...Yes," she says. "We do. I will... go among our people, I think. And that is only a start."
"...But before that," she reflects, "There are things I want here, and now. We are not alone ourselves, after all..."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Yes..." Yuliana smiles, and her heart is filled, hearing Elisa's own hunger. "Our people are your people as much they are mine, zhenushka, for we are together. They will be grateful..."
This has, all of it, only been the start.
She draws in a breath, and her smile broadens, one too many teeth as she shifts to face her wife more properly in her embrace. "Mhmhmhm," she chuckles, face drawing close. She lilts, "El~yul~a~..."
... and Elisa's not the only one who knows a certain hunger.