2024-02-13: .come, witness the results of my view beside God unto ascensioN
- Log: .come, witness the results of my view beside God unto ascensioN
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Kaworu Nagisa
- Where: The Photon Power Labs
- Date: 2024-02-13 (ICly July 0098)
- Summary: Kaworu comes to visit Yuliana during her treatment, meeting Plyushokrova and getting more insight into how Yuliana views the world and her position as a mortal woman with immortal wives.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
It's late July, and Yuliana Kafim is visiting the Photon Power Labs for treatment. The scientists have developed a new treatment -- Photonic Neuromodulation Therapy -- and it's having a good effect, thus far, even if the hot-blooded inspirations of Photon Power do leave her struggling with her mania.
Subsequently: she hasn't slept for a few days. But she doesn't need to, so it's fine!
It's later in the morning than that electrical therapy, but still a touch too early for lunch -- and so Yuliana has sequestered herself off in a break room, all curled up on a couch. Her band t-shirt, denim vest, and jeans are obscured by the MASSIVE life-sized plush tiger she's hugging to herself; Plyushokrova is not at all evil, but very huggable. And very green!
She's all wrapped up in him -- tentacles and arms both, because, notably, her tentacles are out these days. Those frills behind her ears aren't, though, which means that her horrible aura is restrained to beside herself.
And hugging Plyushokrova is really the best time for Yuliana to slow down, so she's just kind of vibing, all sunk into her tiger. It's okay. Her mind is active. She's thinking about how great her wife is.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
It's convenient, not having to sleep. It does put the Lilim around oneself on edge, though, so it's also good to lie down and close one's eyes for a while.
Kaworu has graduated early from high school. He never needed to attend it, really; he only went to be able to socialize with his fellow Children of the Scenario. With Shinji having dropped out, Rei having been... removed, and Asuka still recuperating and not likely to return to school anyway, Kaworu opted to simply take all his exams. Just, all of them, for the rest of what he would have needed to take for high school. He passed; he is now a graduate. This means he can focus more on other things, like visiting Shinji on the Ra Mari II, and visiting other important parts of the world.
One such place was Stockholm, for a day. Today, one such place is Fujinomiya City. The Photon Power Labs are more or less open to him; Kaworu didn't get a chance to help with Infinity and Goragon as much as he would have liked, but as what is functionally a NERV liaison to the PPL, he does what he can to assist and communicate.
It's as he's making his way out of the PPL after one such visit that he passes by a certain break room. He'd noticed Yuliana's presence a while ago--it's very difficult not to notice it--and so he'd made a mental note. Now he walks in, hands tucked in his suit pockets, smile faint and crooked like always. He stops and considers Yuliana and her plush.
"Your tiger toy is very cute," he comments, because it's true, and also because Plyushokrova is very immediately noticeable in a way that wouldn't be without actually being in the same room first.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Technically speaking, Yuliana still has to sleep, but she doesn't feel like she has to sleep. This is an important difference from her wife, who really doesn't have to sleep, and frequently just watches Yuliana as she sleeps.
(And, technically speaking, Yuliana never graduated high school. Fun fact! She dropped out and got an apprenticeship instead.)
Yuliana opens her eyes from her daydreaming, though, when she hears footsteps -- and smiles, seeing Kaworu there. Her gaze is endless, with no pupils to speak of; she is deeply connected to something, if not this world's beating hearts.
"Isn't Plyushokrova darling?" She asks, straightening up on the couch to hold him up. He dangles, his glass eyes staring into Kaworu's soul. (Metaphorically. Not literally. The tiger plush is notably not evil.) "My Elisa came to deliver him just yesterday!" A pause, and she explains: "It was my birthday, you know."
He'd know. NERV has no doubt secured the Institute's files, given Kaworu's assistance in the raid; her birthday was a matter of record, there, alongside everything else.
"Come, come," she gestures him further inside -- with one of those tentacles, because she's too busy hugging her tiger with her hands. Surely he won't mind. "It is good to see you. Have you been well? It wasn't the best place to talk, before..." Because they were in public, she surely means. Of course it's a good place to talk beside her wife.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Maybe Kaworu and Shinji should go on a double date with Elisa and Yuliana sometime. They have so much in common!
(Shinji very much does not want to go on a double date with Elisa and Yuliana.)
"Happy birthday. It sounds like you have a lovely one," Kaworu replies, because he did indeed review Yuliana's files from the Institute. This is only tangentially related to NERV. That eternal gaze of hers is interesting, but he takes it in stride as he does most things. He already knows that she is connected to 'something' and always has been--even when she believed herself an actor monologuing on an empty stage. (He knows less about what she's connected to, that being more of a passing acquaintance. But he does know her.)
He certainly doesn't mind the tentacle either, though he does give her a thoughtful look when she says that Elisa came to deliver the present she's cuddling. He strolls over to join her on the couch, folding his legs as he seats himself, his demeanor at ease as always. He raises one hand to pat Plyushokrova on the felt head, because he is indeed darling.
"I have," he replies. "Have you been staying here much, Yuliana?" (If she weren't, it seems doubly strange that Elisa would have to deliver a present, rather than simply give it to her at their home.) He smiles ruefully at 'best places.' Yes, that would be true regardless of whatever else is going on. "Yes. It's good that the two of you were already in disguise when we happened to cross paths."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
(What a shame. Shinji is such a nice boy.)
And when Kaworu dares to come sit on the very same couch, Yuliana does, indeed, offer Plyushokrova's head for the petting. He is very pettable, and so soft. Definitely custom work; Elisa must have paid handsomely. (Hopefully, Elisa paid handsomely.) "Thank you, dear," she smiles, quite warmly.
He gave her quite a fright, when he joined her on the stage, but she doesn't dislike him. How can she dislike someone she's seen so plainly?
"Frequently enough," she goes on, settling back in against the couch. "Sayaka has been trying to aid me in... getting a little distance from my Wife, so that I can... better think for myself." She chooses her words delicately, playing ay Plyushokrova's ears. (They're SO SOFT.) "She realised that the Green Fold Quartz I was wearing was addling me, and... we've begun a method of treatment, now. The, ah, the PNT -- Photonic Neuromodulation Therapy, I think? Though it is something of a secret, you understand. I am quite wanted." Dead or alive, by a lot of metrics.
"That's why we were in disguise... well, that, and I was trying to show my Elisa that she could venture outside. She's something of a homebody," Yuliana explains, smiling. "But I do try to encourage her to embrace this world, while she's here. I think it will be good for her..."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Plyushokrova's softness is indeed divine. The texture is pleasant, even comforting, against the skin. It's easy to see why Yuliana had been cuddling with him so ferociously. Kaworu returns that smile, eyes squinting briefly shut.
There is a capital in the mention of her Wife, and thanks to their recent conversation in Stockholm, Kaworu picks up on the nuance. (Kaworu is very talented in many ways, but he cannot actually read minds.) "I understand," he replies.
Dead or alive, by a lot of metrics--but there's one that's still withholding judgment, watching with interest to see more of Yuliana's Wife. Kaworu is fine by that. It means he can watch and wait too.
And so, when Yuliana speaks of Elisa and embracing the world, Kaworu says with deep affection, "I agree. This world is a wonderful place, as are the lifeforms that populate it." He turns his gaze up to the ceiling--no, to a point far beyond. "Sometimes the actions Lilim take can be unsettling, but that's part of their charm. There is immense beauty, both in the natural world and in the culture Lilim have created." The deculture, you might say. "I hope she'll come to see that there is room enough in this world for both of you to live peacefully."
He hopes that for both of them, really.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana does tend to put a little more Emphasis on Her presence in her life. How could she not? The Empress has all the powers of a God -- her God.
(A God she is married to.)
She tilts her head, as Kaworu looks up past the ceiling. "Lilim?" She asks, for she was markedly too upset to ask, last time. She can make some assumptions about what the word means -- she hears 'candle', but that's an n sound, not an m -- but she didn't get to be this good at languages just by assuming.
She sighs, sinking into Plyushokrova. "Living peacefully... isn't so bad," she says, her contemplation tinged with a hint of regret. "If this world didn't wound me, maybe we could... but both my Elisa and I are torn apart, being here. She hasn't given up on helping us escape... but she's determined to find a better way to the Opening." Easier on Yuliana, at least. "And now she's seeking a way which won't involve the whole world, either... I don't wish to force the Void on those who would not embrace it."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"Yes. Those who are born of Lilith," Kaworu explains, looking back at her, because Yuliana is not someone he needs to be circumspect around. (Not... that circumspect. He doesn't specify that he means a Lilith different from the Biblical Lilith, after all.) "This encompasses most of Earth's lifeforms."
His gaze softens as Yuliana expresses her regret. He understands that feeling, even if he has rarely gone so far. "That's kind of both of you. There was a time where you wouldn't have cared," he muses. "There are many dwarf planets in the asteroid belt, if it's a matter of a need for space."
Just because Kaworu is familiar with the players doesn't mean he knows the rules of the game, as it were.
He also almost asks again what happens after the Void--but he doesn't want to trip Yuliana's mind again, so he refrains. "How is your therapy coming along, on that note? Photonic Neuromodulation Therapy, you called it? I'm interested in hearing how it works, if you're allowed to tell me."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana hums, thoughtfully, as Kaworu talks about Lilith. "I thought the story was that humanity was born from Adam and Eve," she says, "after Lilith proved to be too independent for their tastes. Not that I spent much time reading the Bible, as a child -- I had a Qur'an, though it wasn't terribly relevant to our lives -- but it happened to be my only reading material for a while," when she was imprisoned by G-Hound, "so I did look into a thing or two, later on."
She shakes her head, though, smiling ruefully. "I suppose not," she sighs. "It's hard to care about people when you don't think they're real. But... that way of thinking, it was the way I coped with what the Republic had done. I am... trying to see things differently, now I am not their weapon."
She's certainly not the Republic's weapon, any more.
"On the asteroid belt," she adds, thoughtfully, "yes... I will remind my Elisa of this. Not that the last time we went to space was very... you know, everyone got so upset that Ra Shalom got caught up in it. It's not like we were targeting it!" She adds, pouting, still struggling to take responsibility for -- well, anything, really.
Yuliana smiles, though, when she comes to think of her therapy. "I was quite shocked by it, at first -- I thought they were going to electrocute me to death, or brainwash me, or both! But Sayaka explained they're not like that, so I gave it a chance, and -- you know, it does feel quite strange? I often lose my balance, after they take that strange helmet off, or feel a little ill, or -- I'm told I'm quite chatty," she didn't need to tell Kaworu that, she's self-evidently talking his ear off. "But I'm not nearly as sad! I have energy, and -- and it's easier for me not to lose myself looking into that abyss around Leina and her ilk, you know? I am so much more centred. It's -- it's been quite intensive, but -- you know, it isn't bad. It really isn't bad."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"You shouldn't believe everything you read," Kaworu replies, which might be a joke based on that faint smile of his until you remember that he's ALWAYS smiling like that.
(It is, in fact, a joke. It's just that Kaworu's brand of humor is It's Funny Because It's True.)
"I see," he says, red eyes turning sympathetic. That viewpoint of hers had made sense when he had taken a closer look at the Void that surrounded her senses, but he hadn't considered how it might have also been a response to the Republic's experimentations. "That's very human of you."
However Yuliana takes that, Kaworu means it as a good thing.
"It can be difficult to take an action as extreme as opening the way and not involve someone else," he adds. "I hope the asteroid belt will prove a better place for it."
But then Yuliana starts in on her therapy, and Kaworu listens with interest. It's something he hasn't heard of before, and that's always intriguing to him. He doesn't mind that she's chatty, either; he asked her about it because he wanted to hear, and it's nice to have her going into detail on it. She has more energy, she's less sad, she's more centered... "I'm glad to hear that it's been beneficial for you," he says warmly. "And that you were willing to trust in Sayaka Yumi." He pauses. "What do you mean by 'that abyss,' though?"
He doesn't remark on 'Leina and her ilk.' Kaworu is already familiar with the teachings of Yuliana's cult. He came by to visit one of their meetings once, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Hmm... I suppose it was written quite a while ago," Yuliana excuses the discrepencies in Kaworu's story, easily enough. It's clear to her that it isn't just a Biblical matter, with the way the details don't match up -- but if Kaworu doesn't want to explain, she's willing to leave him to his secrets.
He does seem like the sort of boy(?) who loves his secrets.
She laughs, though, when Kaworu remarks on her humanity. "I am," she says, with no offence evident in her voice. "I am still almost entirely human, you know -- right now." And that's still confronting, but she's able to state it a little easier, after working through it with Sayaka.
"But you're right, I suppose," she says, scritching Plyushokrova behind his plush little ears. (They're not that little.) "Using force will inevitably hit someone... but there's no way to do something like this gently." It's a certain kind of logic, and it doesn't only inform the Opening of the Way.
"Well... Leina trusted Sayaka enough to bring me here, so... it's not as if I didn't have a bad relationship with her, even if she could be presumptuous sometimes, so I agreed to stay." It's interesting, perhaps, that it's Leina trusting Sayaka which prompted Yuliana to follow suit. Particularly as she explains, gesturing with a hand: "The empty spaces. There is -- a place around those people, the Awakened, where something should be -- and isn't. Where that information was ripped from them, She gazes through the torn edges. I thought they broke the world, but..." Yuliana sighs, brushing her bangs behind an ear. (There's that scar, hanging long across the left side of her face.) "It's me. I cannot see what I should see, there -- only that there is stark nothing to see. Something about me gets in the way, I suppose... as I bleed out into this world."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
It isn't so much that he loves his secrets so much as he has been swaddled in them since his birth, many moons in many worlds ago--but that, too, is one of his secrets. Kaworu appreciates that Yuliana is willing to leave it be, at least for now.
Kaworu's smile widens when Yuliana laughs. "A genetic drift of only up to 1.02% percent," he suggests. This is another joke; that's the genetic difference between humans and Angels.
"The best you can do is give it a wide berth," he says with sympathy. If existing in this world pains Yuliana and Elisa, he won't suggest again that they continue as they are. But space is very big, and very empty. There are surely places they can go where they won't do anyone else any harm.
...of course, Kaworu knows better than most that it's because the Earth and its denizens are so dear that one can't simply leave. But hopefully that doesn't need to be the case for her.
He hums thoughtfully when Yuliana specifies that it was Leina who brought her here. He isn't close to her, but he at least knows her--and what she can do. Or, perhaps, what manner of being she is. Yuliana is not dissimilar, but her relationship to the Void--the way she bleeds it out into the world, as she says--would no doubt interfere with that, as she goes on to explain.
"I see," he says. "So that's how it looks to you." (Or doesn't look, all considered.) "I suppose that's inevitable. Like how the heavens seem to shift when it is the world that turns, the abyss that shrouds you would seem as though it hangs over others instead."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana was (is) wreathed in her own secrets, after all -- and while she can't know just how many more define Kaworu, she at least knows that looking at them directly is rarely kind.
And she does wish to be kind to Kaworu.
"It would be nice if it were just one percent," Yuliana says -- and in saying so, makes it quite clear that she doesn't know the Angelic significance of the number. No wonder, perhaps: most of NERV's files were still classified to the rest of the Federation, while they were working together.
"Hmh... that's why we live where we do, you know," she adds, with a light pout, as she pets the facsimile of her tiger. Where they live, of course, is a place where humans may well have never lived -- too cold and barren to sustain life. Even now, the settlements of Area 9 are clustered to the south of the continent, where life is a little easier.
It's certainly a thematic statement -- isolating them so far from the rest of the world.
Elisa built their Castle.
Anyway.
"That's right," Yuliana nods. "I... blamed them for what I saw around them, but it's not really their fault, you know. They can't help it... and they can't help that I See as I do. But I suppose I can focus on other things than the empty space around them... it's not that the ragged edges go away, but you know what they say about staring into an abyss that stares into you." Of course she'd still be familiar with the philosophy -- but her approach, here, doesn't seem particularly nihilistic.
"But I thought of what you meant," she adds, thoughtfully, "when you asked -- what was on the other side of that abyss. To be honest, it frightened me... you see, I am still mortal, so eternity is a startling concept." And she grows quieter, reflecting on that, but she hugs Plyushokrova to her chest and he soothes her. "I'll have to get used to it... but we'll be together forever, you know." She closes her eyes, as she adds: "And we can be happy..."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
No wonder, indeed. Most of NERV's files are still classified to this day. Yuliana's files are far more known by comparison--at least to Kaworu--and given the cells that were cultivated in her, her reaction is very normal.
But... that's why they live where they live. Kaworu considers this for a moment. As isolating as it may be, it's still on Earth. It would be far more isolating to head to the asteroid belt.
Is that really better for them?
He can't say.
What he can say is, "I see. Yes, that makes sense."
His smile turns briefly rueful as she speaks of that particular philosophy. Last time around, her approach was rather more nihilistic. "Nietzsche. Yes. 'God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him,'" he quotes.
For someone who associates with the kind of people that stand at NERV's top, it's an enlightening statement... taken in context, of course.
But... Yuliana continues to be very human. It's no wonder eternity would startle her. And perhaps she and Elisa will get to have eternity... albeit perhaps not in the way they imagine. Perhaps next time, she'll grow kinder still.
"Then that is what comes after, for you?" he wonders, because now it seems like she can handle the question without falling apart.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana's files are distressingly well-known, really. She tries not to think about how many people have access to all that data -- all those experiments. (All the times she was made to assist.) She may have a dead-or-alive rider from most of NUNE, but there are plenty of less obvious organisations which distinctly want her alive.
Because specimens just aren't nearly as useful when they're dead.
The Asteroid Belt might be safer -- but Yuliana loves Earth.
"I used to think it made sense, you know," she sighs, on the subject of Nietzsche. "In ancient times, my home must have been very religious... but we do not fear God in Ambon, any more. He is felt only in the likes of our wardrobes and our luncheons... and there, because we've always done it that way." She sighs, looking up. "Before God came to me and embraced me in Her loving arms, I did not know God, not truly. Alhamdulillah," praised be God, "She embraced me, and only now do I know God lays undying."
The emptiness isn't empty, in her heart or past it.
She hugs Plyushokrova to her, sighing as she presses her cheek into the top of his broad green head. All his stripes are just as they are on Sokrova; he must have been such a patient boy, she thinks, modelling for them. "I think... it must be," she says, uncertainly. "My Elisa says... it will be beautiful, and it won't hurt, any more. When she's able to reunite with her Self, she'll be able to teach Her all She forgot and tore away... together, we can be happy. We can have a quiet life, then..."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
That's very true.
Hopefully, Yuliana will find a conclusion before the one Kaworu represents decides they want her alive, too.
Kaworu tilts his head in quizzical silence at the mention of God felt in luncheons. The fact that it's a tradition makes sense, though. Sometimes things are the way they are because people started doing them and never stopped--and Lilim are so attached to food. Of course, the God that most think of isn't the same God that Yuliana means. It's an interesting contrast to the philosophy... but in the end, it's a return to the status quo religion has always had. It's just taking a unique form.
"Hmmm..." he murmurs as Yuliana describes the after in an uncertain voice. It sounds like a lot of beautiful promises. Perhaps they'll even come true. Certainly they didn't last time. And even if they do, it would only last until next time.
Kaworu says neither of those things, of course. That is his kindness.
"I see. It's difficult to know for certain," he instead concedes. "I'll watch over the both of you until you reach your conclusion." He strokes Plyushokrova again with the backs of his fingers and a smile. "Until then, this one seems to bring you plenty of comfort."
But... so Elisa aims to reunite with her Self, huh... It makes sense now. Perhaps having Elisa learn more about the world and come to appreciate it more is to the good, then. Kaworu knows well that even the most alien of hearts can become more human the more time it spends among humans.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
NERV would like to study a unique specimen like her. They might even have more luck than most facilities, which would, inevitably, capture her only as long as it took for Elisa to realise she was gone. But even if they do have markedly better tricks and technology...
... they still have to catch her, first.
(So it's a good thing that's not Kaworu's job.)
Yuliana doesn't quite explain about keeping halal, just as she doesn't explain the habit of modesty -- an enduring habit which still keeps a scarf around her neck, even if it isn't hiding her hair, right now. She doesn't think to specify. It's just second nature, to her, a series of cultural rules established long before religion faded into the background of humanity.
She does not know how many times Kaworu has lived his life; she does not know the things he has seen. She knows, instead, that he considers what she has to say, and offers his own guardianship. "That's kind of you," she says, gazing down at Plyushokrova. "And it was so kind of my Elisa to bring him to me, don't you think? We agreed it would be well for her not to visit here too often... of course my Elisa wouldn't harm anyone assisting me in this way, but people do grow nervous, around her."
Yuliana hugs her plush tiger to herself, smiling, warmly. "But now I have dear Plyushokrova with me! He's so darling -- just like our little Sokrova!" Judging by the size of the stuffed tiger, the real tiger it's based on is not, in any way, little. "Even when I'm gone, my Elisa's always thinking of me... of course, I'm always thinking of her, too. She always knows just what to do to make me feel better... I'm a very lucky woman." But is Yuliana obsessed with Elisa the way Elisa is obsessed with Yuliana, really?
After all, Yuliana is out here with all these other people...
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
A very good thing indeed.
It's also a stretch to say that what Kaworu is offering is guardianship--to 'watch over' is not quite the same as 'to protect.' But Yuliana doesn't think to ask for clarification, and so Kaworu doesn't think to clarify. These are the things that misunderstandings are made of.
"Yes. He's well-made," Kaworu replies, of Plyushokrova. It's interesting to him that Elisa agreed not to come by too often. To his ears, it sounds noble--sacrificing time she could be spending around Yuliana so that the people around Yuliana aren't agitated. (Never mind that Yuliana herself is quite agitating in many key ways.)
"There's no helping that. Small lifeforms will inevitably worry about getting trampled by larger lifeforms," Kaworu remarks, not without sympathy. "Simply the fact that one could is enough to trump all other factors. It's kind of her to be mindful of that."
He chuckles as she mentions her 'little' Sokrova. Compared to a Meltrandi, even the largest tiger would be little. (That's what Kaworu thinks the joke is, anyway.) "You are. It's lovely to see," he agrees, because Kaworu is himself defined by devotion. And then, because it sounds to him like her therapy is physical rather than psychological or emotional, he remarks, "I imagine you're looking forward to returning home once your therapy is finished."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Isn't it?
Yuliana is used to a particular interpretation of being watched, framed positively.
"He's so well-made," she agrees, rubbing at his silky little (they're not little) ears. She certainly thinks Elisa's sacrifices are noble, anyway, and her smile to think of it all is grateful.
"It's funny," she says, contemplative, petting her plush tiger, "I'd like to disagree with you, but I guess I can't... there are some times that even I grew nervous. They seem so silly, now... why would I fuss about her killing someone who ordered me into a suicide mission? Why would I need to worry about what she'd do if she didn't know where I was? Why would I ever feel cornered...? I know I've caused her stress with all these things, but it all seems so distant to me, now... you know, she loves me more than anything. Even if she doesn't always understand how to live in this world... she tries so hard."
And if she's said an awful lot in musing about how great her wife is, she doesn't hear it.
"I've been away for a while longer than I'd like," she confesses, shaking her head. "Not that -- well, I'm used to staying here a while. I'll come for a few weeks, and then I'll go home, and then I'll come back... but they're keeping me a little longer, to get through this course. It used to be that they'd do their, oh, I don't know, brain scans or whatever they were... but I suppose they've gathered enough information to make their machine work, now." She sighs, scritching Plyushokrova. "They say I'll need more courses of treatment, probably... since my brain was changed by the Republic's experiments. I guess they're trying to make it more human again...? And less... fragile," her nose wrinkles, as she picks the best out of a series of bad words. "Most of the things I do here, my Elisa could administer to me, but the Photon therapy isn't something in our power... so we just have to put up with this time away from each other, right now."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
'There are some times that even I grew nervous.'
"Oh?" Kaworu says--not (just) to prompt her, but out of genuine surprise. He listens to her examples with a sort of wide-eyed bafflement. Objectively, he can see why these are things that might worry someone. He simply didn't expect them to worry her. It seems they worry her more than she's allowing herself to express, even. Is that why Leina brought her here...?
He turns his gaze downward. In some ways, Yuliana and Elisa remind him of Shinji and himself. So to hear her say such things... it brings him some unease. He's already been the cause of Shinji's suffering too many times in the past.
...No. Shinji wouldn't want him to fret like this. Just as Kaworu seeks his happiness, Shinji seeks Kaworu's. He knows that now. He will accept Shinji's feelings as they are, without letting others' experiences cloud them.
But the way Yuliana speaks is concerning even outside that context, so Kaworu merely says, "I see."
Perhaps more than he'd thought he would.
Though he hadn't meant anything by his last comment about her returning home beyond the words he'd spoken, Kaworu thus mulls over Yuliana's answer with a different mindset. If Leina, Sayaka, and the others of the PPL thought that Yuliana and Elisa weren't good for each other and Yuliana were in danger, it would be very like them to try to gently ease them apart, little by little. Could that be the reason for the increase in therapy? Something that Yuliana needs anyway, that can be used as a subtle wedge? ...But then, perhaps it's simply as Yuliana says. Undoing what's been done to her--or rather mitigating the effects, for can it really be undone?--would no doubt be the effort of years.
"I imagine not. Photon power hasn't expanded to the rest of the world the way Sayaka Yumi would no doubt prefer," Kaworu muses. He considers Yuliana for a moment, then adds, "But that isn't a bad thing. It's your bonds with others that connect you to this world again. Your love for Elisa, and hers for you, is beautiful, but she cannot be that particular connection for you. On the contrary, it might be good if you encourage her to make her own bonds unique from yours. The more perspectives you're able to consider, the more dazzling your favorite scenery becomes." He breathes a brief, affable laugh, and adds, "Though I certainly also understand wanting to look only at that."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Of course Kaworu is baffled; it's quite baffling, thinking these things would ever be problems. Really, Yuliana ought not to think of them at all, except -- she does dwell on it, a little, if only to figure out the differences between Elisa and the Empress.
Leina's worries must be unfounded.
(Elisa wouldn't accept any measure which took Yuliana from her, after all.)
She can't know exactly how relevant her musings are to Kaworu and the human he loves; surely if she did, she would reassure him. Surely it would be reassuring! There is no better thing in this world or any other than to be loved.
She doesn't know, though, so she just smiles when he affirms that he's listening. She doesn't mind the short response; particularly recently, she finds herself talking much more than the people around her. It's not unusual.
"To this world...?" She wonders, gazing down at dear Plyushokrova. "I do tell her, you know. I try to encourage her... why, you saw us going out, the other day. I think it isn't always easy for her... she is often disconnected from what's going on around her, save for me. You know, I even tried to make it easier for Leina to speak with her, yesterday, assuring her she wouldn't harm her while she was helping me here! But many people are frightened of her... and she doesn't like to touch them." Which might explain why Yuliana was, not-so-subtly, prompting Elisa to exist closer to Kaworu's space while they were together.
Yuliana sighs. "It troubles me a little... since I worry for her. My Elisa, she doesn't really have friends... of course we have business associates, and of course my friends are good to her, but it isn't really the same thing. She's solely invested in me... and of course it's flattering, but it's also a lot of pressure." She frowns, more out of concern than anything. "She has no one else to talk to... and I mean, of course we speak to each other first about any issue, but she has no one with which to discuss those things which aren't problems... sometimes I wonder if that's really okay. Even if she is a piece of God... maybe it's just not something I can understand," she adds, softly.
But it's sad, to her, that her wife would be different in this way.
(Maybe, goes a thought lurking in the back of her mind, her wife isn't the aberration, here.)
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
The differences between Elisa and the Empress... That is a crucial question, isn't it. Yuliana's reassurances would be... appreciated, but alas, Kaworu simply isn't the type to share his personal concerns with others. That, combined with his natural serenity, has led many to believe he has no personal concerns at all. ...but that's another story.
"I did," he confirms. He knows that Elisa is trying to make a stronger connection to the world, and that Yuliana has been trying to help her. They were just talking about that ten minutes ago. It's precisely why he said what he just did. But... perhaps in the same way Elisa can't be Yuliana's connection to the world, Yuliana can't be the one to suggest to Elisa that she form her own connections too.
"Why don't I talk to her about it, then?" he suggests. "That way, it's not as much pressure on you. Besides which... I feel Elisa Kafim and I have several things in common."
'Being a piece of God' being merely one of them.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Oh, would you?" Yuliana asks, brightening, as she looks up to Kaworu again. "That would be wonderful! Besides, I'm sure she gets quite lonely while I'm here... I'd be happy if you were to visit her." Does Yuliana think that Elisa just sits in a room staring at her phone waiting for phone calls from or about Yuliana when Yuliana isn't there?
(Well, yes, but it's not entirely because she's self-absorbed.)
"You are certainly a being of some power yourself... you were even able to reach me, back then." Not that Yuliana was entirely alone in her mind, but the Empress's opinion of Kaworu and Elisa's don't necessarily line up. Elisa is her own person! Yuliana keeps telling her that. "So I'm sure you'd have a lot to speak with her about... maybe you can help her connect to this world a little more, since it seems you're more accustomed to travelling amongst us." Yuliana still thinks of humanity as us, evidently, despite the tentacles wrapped around her plush tiger.
She smiles, tilting her head as she regards him. "I'm grateful, Kawochka," she says, in the ways of Zaftran affection. "I hope you're able to reach her. And you can tell her that... since she might feel more at ease knowing I'm happy."
She reaches into her pocket, pulling out her phone. "Here -- shall I give you her number?" And there's hers, too, in the offering. There are, of course, other ways to reach Elisa... but Yuliana is able to offer a much more normal option.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Sometimes things that make one seem like an egomaniac are just true!
"I would," Kaworu confirms. He doesn't remark on his own power; is there really a need, if Yuliana already has the shape of it? Her use of 'us' is noted too, but passively; after all, Kaworu was saying how human she is only a little earlier. "I think so, too. It can be difficult. Keeping oneself isolated also keeps one pure, so in the same way, to connect to the world of man better, one needs to walk among men."
He doesn't always get that opportunity, after all. This time around is by far one of his more Lilim-leaning times.
"I will tell her," he promises, smiling back at her nickname. Thanks to Mari, he is familiar with the concept of nicknames. When she pulls out her phone, he does likewise. "Yes, that would be wise. I could simply go to her, but I imagine she would appreciate being asked first."
Exchanging numbers won't be difficult. Neither will be calling Elisa later, to see if she would be interested in a visit sometime in the near future. If nothing else... it feels as though they can commisserate about things others wouldn't be able to understand... though perhaps, being her own person, Elisa won't yet understand.
But the Empress no doubt will. Whether that would make Her think more or less of him is to be seen.