2024-02-12: Differences

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"I spoke with Yuliana Kafim today," Lavhi says to Eight after he knocks and she invites him into the nursing room on the PPL's first level. She's feeding Aarmi at the moment, holding her close; Zaress is snoozing in his stroller nearby.

"That's... not what I expected to hear," Eight says. "But she has been around. What happened?"

"I interrupted her art therapy," Lavhi explains apologetically. "I did not realize that it was taking place where it was. But we spoke, as she invited me to stay. I wanted to understand her better. I did thank her for her help, but..."

"...But she got under your skin, didn't she?" Eight continues to hold Aarmi gently, and looks sympathetically at her husband.

"She is a thoroughly unpleasant woman. All it seemed she could consider were ways to avoid taking responsibility. Ways that things affected her. Even her words of love for her wife were mostly of what her wife had done for her. ...Well, I told her that I was not there to judge this, and I will not say that her love is insincere--but I noticed this focus."

"... I can't blame her being selfish," Eight admits. "I can blame a lot about her, but being self-absorbed... I was pretty self-absorbed, back when things were bad, too. And she's still in the thick of it."

"Do you think so?" Lavhi wonders. "...Mm. It does make sense. She said... that I did not see you when you were at your worst, and so I could not understand."

"...That's true. You see me on bad days, but it's not like it was back then. I'm a different person now. You saw me after I got into Londo Bell, through with officer's school.."

"I see..." Lavhi nods, thoughtful. "But do you think she will also be this 'different person'? I have difficulty imagining what it would be like."

"So does she, I bet. She can't see what a recovered 'her' looks like. None of us can; none of us /will/, until it happens. ...But don't be too down on yourself about it. It sounds like you didn't help, but neither did I. Annie said it; she lashes out at people as a matter of course. It's... hard, to sit through that, and not get upset."

"Rajna would have handled it better," he thinks. "I could only hear her justifications and grow angry."

"Your sister Rajna is a trained therapist," Eight points out to Lavhi. "Of course she'd do better. We're not. Maybe the best thing we can do is stay out of her care team's way. ...But I don't like leaving things as they are now, either way. So there must be something..."

"I suppose that is true. Both of those things. But I also am... discomfited, by leaving it at this. She aided you. She did so in a reckless, dangerous fashion that nearly saw her arrested, but she still aided you."

"People are complicated. She had her reasons; she had her reasons for leaving me alone when I was pregnant. ...But she still did all the things she's done, too. And now, she's trying to get help. My heart says to write her off after the things she did to Rena. ...But my head remembers that it's not easy to care for someone in a situation like that. That the people who I hurt wouldn't have been eager to see me happy either."

"You were a child," Lavhi replies seriously. "It is unreasonable to hold you accountable for deeds you had no control over, least of all when you were under the influence of adults who should have cared better for you."

"I was," Eight answers. "But how old is too old to be saved?"

"...That is... not what I mean," Lavhi says with a frown.

"I know," Eight says. "But it's the question that haunts me about her. Is there a boundary there? Is there a point at which no, we can't do it? ...I don't like to think that there is." She pauses. "I'm sorry. I led you into that. I was trying to work out my own thoughts."

"...It is all right." Lavnadim's reply takes a few moments as he sorts out his own feelings. "I only mean to say that it is not fair to compare the two of you so directly as you seem to wish to do. We are all affected by our upbringings, our pasts, the events that shape us as individuals."

"We are. And she's responsible for the things she's inflicted on others. But if she wants to change, I want to support that. ...I don't know what the answer is about all her crimes, admittedly. Obviously any sort of change will eventually come with action. But we can't expect her to make every step all at once, either."

"Hm. To take steps, one at a time..."

"Maybe it's just slow. It felt slow, when I was doing it. And she has a different path to follow."

"...Yes," Lavnadim says, thinking it through further. "Perhaps... acknowledging her actions is the step that comes before accepting responsibility."

"Or maybe there's more steps between them. ...I want to help, but she just--" Eight brings forward her free hand and then closes it, like she can take hold of the feeling.

"Yes. It is difficult to be faced with her and remain calm." Lavhi in turn reaches out to place a hand overtop Eight's.

"Maybe I'll... write her a letter, or something. Try to help from a distance."

"Perhaps that is wise. I wish to try again to speak with her but... I think it may be best to not. I could tell, the therapist, Mx. Armet, they were not pleased with how the conversation had gone. They did not chide me, but..."

"You're getting better at people yourself, you know." Eight smiles. It doesn't last long. "Maybe we'll talk with her team, see what they think. But either way... Let's... try to avoid any unpleasant surprises in the facility, next time. I know it wasn't your fault, but we can be more careful."

"Agreed." He sighs. "...Well," he says. "That was my afternoon. How were your negotiations?" He smiles, and then leans closer, looking down at his daughter. "And yours?"

Aarmi doesn't answer. She's busy. But Eight smiles back. "It's all right. Mine was..."

The conversation continues.

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