2024-02-02: .assaulting Sigyn's daughter is a familiar pattern, yet it fails to defend mE
- Log: .assaulting Sigyn's daughter is a familiar pattern, yet it fails to defend mE
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Rena Lancaster, Eight Orlodhari, Anita Rosetta
- Where: The Photon Power Labs
- Date: 2024-02-02 (ICly May 0098)
- Summary: Rena comes to visit Yuliana, supported by Anita and Eight. But Yuliana sows discord amongst them reflexively, and it's only when Anita notices that she starts speaking honestly about how threatened she feels -- because the last time Eight spoke with her, she left her at a vulnerable moment. She shares some insight into Rena's condition, connected with her to the Void, but when Rena asks whether she wants her connection... they get some insight into how unhealthy Yuliana's relationship really is. (Content warning: domestic abuse)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuDB4v3n99g The Suicide Machines - I Never Promised You A Rose Garden
Yuliana was doing pretty badly for a few days, there -- but thanks to a combination of the power of benzos and Leina physically marching her to the shower, she's back with the program again. At night, she's attending to a sleep study the Photon Power Labs are running, to measure what happens when she crosses over into the Empress's embrace -- and to wake her up, of course, because they'd never knowingly let her stay there knowing what She does.
Luckily, she isn't always reaching out to the Void in her dreams these days, so they can wake her up and send her back to sleep in hopes that she'll stay in this reality.
(Which is not to say, of course, that she isn't still having nightmares... with all the equipment hooked up, they can look at her body and tell that her dreams aren't pleasant. But there's a difference between dreaming of the Institute and dreaming of the Empress, all in all.)
During the day, she's attending therapy... but since therapy can be demanding, for a Cyber-Newtype of her ilk, it's hardly all she does. She has other things occupying herself, the rest of the day. (Including frequently calling her wife. Yuliana is forever ringing her, or texting her, just to cry about the latest revelation or whine about how much she misses her or ask after the children or Sokrova.) Part of it is diversional therapy, of course -- art therapy, or music therapy, cooking and crafting and, believe it or not, crotcheting. And another part is --
Physical health. She goes to the gym! Of course the PPL has a gym. Where else are a bunch of scientists going to get to take care of their cardio when they're otherwise cooped up doing science all day? Yuliana's in there, in shorts and a tank top with fabric all clustered at the neck to preserve her modesty, which nonetheless does nothing to obscure the guns she's wielding. (Calm down, it's just her arms. She might be fat, but she's muscular, too.) She's slotted far too much weight onto her barbell, by any reasonable metric -- there's about 200kg on it, evenly distributed across several bumper plates on both ends, which is over twice what most professional female powerlifters reach -- but she doesn't seem to be having any trouble lifting it up and down, anyway.
She is breathing heavily, but it's more because she's been doing this for a while.
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
Rena heard about Yuliana -- that she is, in a way, doing better -- and that meant coming to see her. They are connected, now; the Psychoframe crystal in her chest promises that, with its twin swirls of blueand green. And the Photon Power Lab is an ally of the old Three Ships Alliance, and so...
Here she is.
Ostensibly, just a civilian now. She came away from a little project she's been working on -- some long hours at her computer -- and is wearing civilian clothing. A light jacket, over a button-up shirt and her slacks.
She cracks the door open -- then glances to Anita and Eight. She came with support. She enters, then, and she waits a moment for Yuliana to finish lifting.
"...Hey," she says.
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
Eight Orlodhari is also here about Yuliana, and not for the first time. The last didn't go very well, but this time she's here for Rena most of all, so she's hoping that's a difference that's going to make a difference. The twins are safely in the other room now, with Lavhi looking after them.
Eight is not a civilian precisely, given her new position at Magallanica, but she is wearing civilian clothing--a light jacket over workout clothes in red. This way she has the option of doing some physical activity, too.
...Yuliana is lifting more than Eight can, and that's certainly saying something. So she doesn't offer to spot her. Instead...
"I'm here too. Good afternoon."
<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.
Rena wants to visit Yuliana. Naturally, Anita agrees to come with her - she would've tagged along even if she hadn't been asked. It sounds like things have been improving for Yuliana, which is good if it's true...
She's still going to be careful, though. Just in case.
As always when she's not on duty, Anita prefers to dress casually and cozily. Today's outfit is her usual hoodie and sweatpants combo in dark blue. Rena takes point, peeking through the door. Anita meets her glance - then follows her inside.
Anita draws a hand from her hoodie pockets, offering Yuliana a wave before sliding it right back in and leaning against the nearest wall.
"Hope we're not interrupting." She adds. She takes note of the weights, an eyebrow raising just briefly as she mentally tallies up the amount of weight she has to be lifting right now.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
It's not exactly a secret that Yuliana is staying at the PPL now and then, but neither is it a public matter, for obvious reasons. (She's a wanted woman, according to NUNE and several affiliates. Many of these wanted posters specify dead or alive.) Eight knows she's here, though.
And so, so does Rena! Who is here, now. Yuliana looks over at her, all flat on her back with too much weight hoisted over her head. She holds it there for a moment, as if mentally calculating whether she can vault the whole thing at her head without the rest of them getting in the --
-- what? No, obviously she'd never think something like that. Instead, with a grunt, she lifts it up to hook it in place, and slides out from under the whole apparatus. "Heh," she grins, as she pushes herself up sitting. "It's fine." Which isn't, particularly, an assurance they weren't interrupting, but anyway.
"The stiffs around here don't like me going through my full regime, anyway -- idiots are worried I'll suffocate if I drop the bar on myself and they can't get enough people in to get it off me -- so it's not like it's hard to get back into it." She sounds amused by what she's saying. Her tentacles (DID WE MENTION THE TENTACLES? THEY'RE RIGHT THERE!) push up against the ground, as she pushes herself up, too, hopping up onto her feet.
"But I don't suppose you came all this way to lift weights -- though, please, by all means," she asides, gesturing back to the barbell, "... so, what do you want?"
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
Rena glances sideways at Eight. There's a grateful look in her glance; a gratitude that Eight can feel, too, with the bond they share. The same grateful look is on her face when she looks at Anita, even if she can't feel that.
She looks back to Yuliana.
She can't help but stare a moment at the tentacles. For all she's talked to Yuliana, this is the first look she has gotten. She keeps from shuddering, though, and she meets her eyes.
"I heard you're here. Doing... ah... better, even if I know that's maybe simplifying it," Rena admits. She doesn't move for the weights, herself. She didn't come for a workout, today.
"I wanted to say... thanks," she says. "For helping me, when I stumbled onto you in my dream. And... um."
Rena hesitates. "I wanted to ask how you are. Instead of just assume."
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
Eight knows... and is largely keeping her mouth shut to anything that would send the information public. Rena, obviously, is in her inner circle of trust--as is Anita.
Under almost any other circumstances, Eight might have something fun to say at that grateful look--but not under these. She nods at the glance instead.
She doesn't stare at the tentacles, though she doesn't let them out of her sight, either. 'It's fine' is good enough, though.
"It's easier when you have someone stronger around, isn't it?" Eight is making conversation. "But maybe later. I could use a workout, but I'm here for something, first."
She nods to Rena. "I'm here for a few reasons," Eight says, "But one is that I'm interested in the answer. To how you're doing, lately. ...And because you helped Rena, too."
<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.
Anita meets that grateful look with a smile. She can't feel it the same way Eight can, but she can feel the gratitude in Rena's expression. That's all she needs.
Yuliana, meanwhile, says 'it's fine'. That's good enough for Anita, too. And then, Yuliana - pushes herself up with her tentacles?
That's a new one - but she keeps a straight face. Instead, she smirks, just slightly.
"Maybe after. Looks like they've got a good set-up here. ...Even if they don't quite got anyone who can match you." Anita comments, then looks toward Rena as she speaks, then Eight. That's a question she's interested in the answer to, as well.
"...You helped Rena, huh...? Then I guess you got my thanks, as well." Anita comments. Stumbling into her during a dream... She didn't realise that was even possible. But then, a lot of things have happened that shouldn't be.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
How the tables turn! Now Eight is sitting on information which could destroy Yuliana, and strangely, she's not blackmailing her with it. Really, it's strange how that works.
Those tentacles -- despite having no visible eyes to speak of -- turn to zero on Rena, their crests flaring up like the petals of some warped orchid.
Oh, good! She has their attention. That's... great. That's super and great.
"They do," Yuliana nods, to Anita. "They're not just nerds, around here. But, you know, there aren't many people stronger than me," Yuliana points out to Eight, and it might be a boast, except for how she just demonstrated how much weight she can casually handle. It raises the question: how does Yuliana exercise, when Yuliana pushing herself to her limits goes far beyond the limits of everyone around her?
(You see, her wife is much stronger than she is.)
"I wasn't helping you," she huffs, to Rena, as she turns to go and make her way to the bench instead. She has a bottle of water there, and grabs it in one of those tentacles before she passes it to her hands. "You were intruding on a private moment... so I simply threw you out." That's not exactly what happened, considering how she beseeched the Empress not to disassemble Rena when she first stumbled in -- and proceeded to toss her out, by all reasonable estimates, under Her noses. But it certainly sounds more intimidating, this way, doesn't it?
And she raises her eyebrows to Anita, and asks: "Did you not know, or did you just realise the truth of the matter already? My, my..." She looks to Rena, sly, and can't help but ask: "You're not keeping her in the dark, I hope? I suppose you people do tend to think there are things you need that connection to fully understand..." And she says it as if it's a pity that Rena would partition her partners that way. Isn't it unfair, Anita?
She unscrews the cap on her bottle, and takes a big gulp of water, sighing as she lowers it back down.
"Still... it's strange to hear you ask that." She tilts her head back, thonking gently against the wall behind her. "I won't say it's easy," she says, softly, after a moment. "The Empress is... displeased by our setbacks and limitations. And by everyone getting between us, now... I don't receive Her audience as frequently, these days, and She is more anxious to grasp me each time. Sometimes it even feels cruel... I'm putting Her through a lot of grief, I suppose. But even the people here assure me that my demands aren't unreasonable. It's not too much to ask -- to not want to die for the future."
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
Rena glances once at Eight -- with a hint of a smile. Eight could, in fact, help if the bar got down on her. Rena might, too, though being a Coordinator gave her more dexterity and agility than it did strength. She still manages, though.
There is a flicker of nervousness -- of being unsettled -- at how those tentacles focus on her. They seem to react. She hesitates for a second, though, when Yuliana denies having helped her.
"That dream I had," Rena says, with a glance to Anita and Eight. There's a guilty look, though more because it's hard for her to succinctly describe. "The... one where I ended up with, um, y'know. The Empress." She wasn't, when she woke up, entirely convinced it was real. "She pushed me out of there."
But she was sure it wasn't fake, either.
Rena looks back at Yuliana. She hesitates, but only to think of how to phrase it. "You don't deserve to die," she says. "I'm glad you're here and getting help."
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
It's very strange, isn't it?
Eight notices the way the tentacles focus on Rena, too. She doesn't like that. But Yuliana points it out that there aren't many people stronger... And Eight would admit that's true. It's not just a boast.
"I know how that is," Eight says. "Though not quite as much as you do."
But Rena--wasn't helping? Hmmm.
"Oh," Eight says, and nods to Rena. I see."
She frowns at Yuliana. "Rena doesn't 'partition' like that, and neither do I. That 'connection' is just one way of connecting--it's not the only important one, as you well know. And it's not all Rena and me have, either."
But... Hmm.
"...Agreed," Eight says, though it takes her a moment more. "It's not too much to ask of someone who loves you."
"I'm glad, too. I'm still interested in that help working."
<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.
"Yeah, I've seen the kind of people they are. If Sayaka's any indication..." Anita replies. She's the one she's fought alongside the most, so that's where her mind goes first. She notes, with a slight frown, the way those tentacles zero in on Rena. ...Are they watching her? Thinking about that raises the question of how independent they are...
Yuliana, of course, insists that she wasn't helping Rena - and Rena clarifies the situation.
"Ohh, yeah. That. Now I remember." Anita replies with a nod of recognition. It's been a while by this point, after all - multiple months. She's had a lot to think about that since then.
Yuliana looks at her, though, eyebrows raised. Anita looks back.
...Looks like that still hasn't changed.
"Do you always talk like you're trying to wedge people on purpose, or does that stuff just kinda spill out?" Anita asks, taking it in stride. "Flattered that you're worried, but that's never been a problem between us."
She nods, at what Eight says. She's never felt that the connection she shares was any less than theirs, even without their mental bond.
Still, Anita listens as Yuliana explains how she's been. She does offer a genuinely sympathetic nod, massaging the back of her neck.
"...No one ought to. Not much point in building the future if you have to die before you can get there. Least, that's what I think." Anita replies. "...Yeah. I am glad you've found people who can give you a hand."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"What did you tell them, that they've forgotten so easily? Surely you spoke not a word of detail about how you opened a door in your subconscious and stumbled into another realm of existence. The look you gave me when She carried me to you! Hahaha..!" Yuliana's head cants back against the wall as she laughs, merry as knives, one too many teeth bared in her mouth. "I was sure you'd faint! As if you've never seen a woman with three faces and an extra set of jaws."
She puts a hand to her cheek, tilting her face into it, as she smiles. "So, have you told them about the Hands at your back? That encroaching sensation... that something... is there? Have you told them..." Her gaze settles on Eight and Anita, smile spreading wider, "... how we're sisters-in-law, now? I was very considerate, you know. I didn't even mention it to Eight when she came by, because it was your business." She deserves a medal for that, really, considering how she used to treat Rena's private information.
The smile falls from her face, though, as she stops playing with her food, and her hand drops back to her arm. "You should be careful," she says, with more a note of warning to Rena now. "Since I'm not with Her as often, now... I can't say what would happen if She found you when I wasn't there. Frustrated as She is, I doubt it would go well for you. Though, you did say you were called to me, back then. I was there in your dream, and you were pulled towards me, something like that. Perhaps that means you won't just wander in of your own volition... but it's only decent to warn you I won't necessarily be there to save you, next time." Wait, she just said she didn't save Rena --
Yuliana sighs, deeply, frowning up at the ceiling. "Oh, you must think you're soooo clever, Anita," she grumbles, fingers drumming on her arm, finally confronting that question from earlier. "Yes, yes, you figured me out. I see weakness, and I strike it! Saying the worst thing is practically habit! You can scarcely blame me, when it's so easy to wedge doubts into a fellow. Don't you think it's safer, this way?"
Wait. Yuliana feels threatened?
... well, there are three of them and one of her.
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
Rena looks sideways at Eight, then she miles a little bit. "...Yeah," she says, after Anita addresses it. "I don't. It wasn't easy to describe -- some of it's kind of hard to remember -- but..."
She looks back at Yuliana -- and she shivers a little, her hand coming down over her neck. "That's--" She hasn't mentioned that in detail. Because sometimes, it's not there; because sometimes, it's forgotten. Her eyes widen.
"I don't even understand it!" she answers, more heatedly. "I've told them a little--" Like something's sometimes standing next to her or behind her. Like it's looking at her. "But--I don't... even understand how we're connected. Even though we are now."
She frowns, and then she looks to the side. "...I'll be careful," she says, before she looks back at Yuliana. "Don't talk to her that way. Is it--is it out of the realm of possibility I came here because I was worried about you? Or that they're not just here for me?"
Maybe mostly for her.
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
Anita is as cool as ever; Eight is glad for that. The matter of the future, too, she's glad she feels that way. And having both of them here to support Rena makes her feel better.
"Most people haven't seen women with three faces and extra sets of jaws," Eight points out flatly. She grimaces at the description, at the descriptor of sisters-in-law too. "You didn't," Eight agrees of mentioning it.
She can't really do anything about trouble in dreams, and that frustrates her; Yuliana might notice her hand curl at her side, very slightly.
But Anita's statement... "No, it's not safer. It makes people angrier at you than they would've been in the first place, and backs them into a corner. It's the opposite of safer--not only does it start fights, it makes those fights worse than they would be otherwise."
That calms her down, at least. She doesn't comment on why she's here.
<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.
Yuliana hounds Rena on what exactly she told them. Eight makes the obvious observation, save Anita the trouble.
...She gets the feeling Yuliana is really relishing this, rubbing it in as she dives into the effects of that connection. Anita sends Rena a sympathetic look.
"Family reunions are gonna get real weird from now on, that's for sure." Anita comments. "...Yeah, she told us, and we're doing our best to be there for her through it."
As for Yuliana's warning... that, at least, seems genuine enough. She doesn't miss the sudden change in tone, though.
Yuliana grumbles at her, then.
"I kinda can, actually." She points out. "Seems like kind of a bad way to make friends."
She shrugs, then, and massages the back of her neck as Rena and Eight speak up.
"...Yeah. We didn't come here to fight, or anything." Anita says. ...She knows she hasn't done much to help that feeling, herself. "We really did just want to check up on you."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Have you asked?" Yuliana poses to Rena, simply, when she insists she doesn't understand it.
... and awful as she is, she does have a point. Rena hasn't contacted Yuliana to ask about what happened since she woke up.
She folds her legs, too, as she scowls. "It's certainly reaching the edges of possibility," she says, and it is notable that she went to sit down by the wall, where she had something solid at her back. "It seems far more likely you're all here to extract something from me, since you're travelling in a pack. Of course, you'd know that I'm not exactly free to start trouble in Sayaka's house... and the last time I spoke with Eight, she left me sobbing in the hallway, so I rather doubt she's particularly interested in checking in."
Which might explain why she's so frosty now. She's the sort of woman who remembers that kind of rejection.
Her heel taps at her leg, bouncing with veiled agitation. "And that kind of anger makes people blind and stupid," she points out, frowning at Eight. "I'd rather face an attack from a man I've wound up than one standing firm in his convictions. At least that way -- I control the terms of the engagement." She looks away, still scowling. "Don't you get it? If it's going to happen one way or another, the only thing you can do is keep it on your terms." Which is... an awfully fatalistic way of looking at it.
And it's the sort of thing she's told Eight, before, finding control in a situation where she has none. Whether it's enjoying another man's suffering so she doesn't shatter as she's compelled to inflict it... or forcing a fight, just so she isn't kept guessing.
But Anita insists that it's a bad way to make friends, and they didn't come here to fight. Yuliana bites at her lip, and that extra fang on the right side of her face -- the one Eight punched out, before the Aura of Dawn repaired it and repaired the prosthetic into her jaw just the same -- digs into the scarred flesh of her bottom lip with a tiny mote of red. "You don't want to be friends with me," she says, more strained. "You just want to check and make sure I'm still where you can see me, right? You think I'm a monster..."
She blinks, heavily, because she is not going to cry in front of Rena. Or in front of Eight, again, after she learned her lesson there. Or Anita, just by association. And for long moments, she is silent, until finally she speaks again -- quieter.
"... the Void is part of you, now, sister. A realm between our reality and the ghosts and hopes of your humanity... you have become attuned to that other place. Perhaps you will lose your capacity to transgress the human heart as you acclimatise... or perhaps you will simply have a lesser connection to both existences. You will come to feel the Empress and Her children -- for the kaiju my Elisa shapes are in fact echoes of the garden the Empress has grown, in those countless unmarked graves. The young will whisper to you, kh'ou-ni:a, kh'ou-ni:a th'ou ni:a..." Come, she says, in words which Rena -- and Anita, from her experiences in the opening of the first Gate -- can understand. Come to me. "You will turn your ears away. Where you would go," here she glances to Eight and Anita, "they could not follow. Seek out the girl -- Shari Loom. Her blights may aid you, distant as you are."
Yuliana closes her eyes. "What more would you have of me?" She asks, and strangely, she sounds defeated.
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
Rena feels that pang of guilt. She didn't mention all of it -- and she didn't know what all of it was, to describe it to them. But guilt, sometimes, doesn't make sense. It's easy enough for Anita and Eight to see it in the way that Rena's expression becomes withdrawn, her eyes glancing away. Eight, for that matter, can feel it.
She takes a deep breath, though. Anita and Eight aren't focused on that.
'Have you asked?'
"No," Rena admits, with a frown. She looks to the side -- at Eight -- and then she looks back at Yuliana. "I... see why you would feel that way," she says. "But--we're not here to see you. We could ask other people."
It helps to have a good intelligence network.
She falls quiet, though, as Yuliana explains. A realm between reality, ghosts, and hopes. She frowns, though, as she hears that speech.
And understands it.
"A part of me," she repeats. "I'm... I'm not going somewhere without them. Shari Loom?" She makes a note of that. "Those children. You mentioned them before..."
In the dream.
Rena hesitates for a second more. "Do you want to stay connected to it, Yuliana?" she asks. "Because... well, if we're sisters..." She glances to the side. "...I don't mind admitting it scares the hell out of me."
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
Eight doesn't have the same humor Anita does about 'family reunions' for the moment. But they didn't come here for a fight. That's true. On the other hand...
"Would you have taken my hand if I'd offered it?" Eight counters that revelation, testy. "...Fine."
A shake of her head. "I know it works. You used it on me once." She remembers that, too. "But that just assumes it always is going to happen."
And... Hmm. "No," Eight says. "I don't want to be friends with you. I don't think that would be very good for me. But I don't think you're a monster, either. A monster doesn't have the capacity to understand itself. We've talked; you do."
She looks to Rena, apologetic. Eight can feel that guilt out of Rena. And she might've made this harder, in failing to keep it together long enough to deal with Yuliana, before. Eight feels guilt about that.
"..."
A part of her... Eight does not understand that strange language. Rena has... a question. Eight is unsettled by the rest.
"Transgress," she mutters, because she can hang onto that, and then takes a breath. She's trying to stay calm.
Rena has more helpful questions. Eight does not. She steels her expression to keep the remembered anger out of it.
"Sisters, huh..."
<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.
Anita looks Rena's way. She can see the guilt on her face - even though she doesn't blame her. ...But it's true - guilt sometimes doesn't make sense. It doesn't work that way. Still, she makes a mental note to reassure her about that - after they're done here, anyway.
...And Anita frowns, a frown that only gets deeper as Yuliana continues. She massages the back of her neck again. Viewing every interaction as an inevitable fight...
"...That's kind of sad." She replies, leaving it at that. She shakes her head, then.
"No, I don't." She agrees, with Yuliana and with Eight. "But that don't mean I want to be your enemy, either, if I don't have to be."
A monster... she shakes her head. She's with Eight, on that.
If Yuliana were a monster... thing's'd be a lot easier. But she's a person, still.
And she listens, as Yuliana gives Rena advice - a warning? Those words - she understands. Anita looks toward Rena. ...She doesn't blame her for being scared. She would be, too.
"We'll be there to pull you back, if anything happens." Anita assures Rena. She looks toward Yuliana then, who sounds... defeated, and then to Rena, at her question.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I asked!" Yuliana yells, to Eight, glaring at her. "I wanted to see you! I thought if you got out of this whole, maybe you could make it make sense! Sure, maybe I wasn't the perfect fucking supplicant, but I was TRYING! I tried to be honest with you, even when it hurt and it made me look bad! But I guess I'm too TIRING, aren't I?!" And she looks away, lips twisting tightly together. "Who cares," she mutters, bitterly. "It doesn't matter."
Eight and Anita don't want to be friends, anyway.
... if it's sad, doesn't that mean Anita's just looking down on her?
"So you're watching me," Yuliana grumbles, dourly, when Rena brings up how they could ask other people about her. "Great."
But -- "Our niece," she says, of Shari Loom. "Not by blood, you understand -- but my Elisa adopted her, more or less, given her parents' neglect. After the incident at the North Pole, she ran away to find her own fate... only for her to end up here. Since she has her own experience with the Empress, she's been hard at work veiling herself from Her eyes... I suppose I shouldn't say all this to you," she shrugs, brow knitting briefly. "Since the Empress was much chagrined by her untreated Green Fold Quartz -- why, She was so angered by its effects upon me that She compelled me to destroy it. Not that She needed me to..." Yuliana trails off, and takes a breath. "Anyway, perhaps it's fine for someone like you. And if it isn't, well -- She already hates you, so it's hardly like I've doomed you to a fresh oblivion."
But Rena asks whether Yuliana wants to be connected to the Void, and it visibly troubles her, silent for a moment. "... I don't know," Yuliana sighs, and the way her hands grasp about her really resembles hugging herself more than anything intimidating, now. "I... I don't know! It's defined my whole adult life -- it's always -- been part of me. I'm special, because I see that place..!" Her voice raises, half panicked, as she shakes her head. "It's mine! It's special, and it's mine, and She loves me, and -- and I don't know what I'd do if it was gone, okay?! But it hurts, and She's become so demanding, and, and the North Pole is green now and, everyone says it won't be better and they don't want it but Elisa promised it'll be beautiful and it won't hurt when I'm not caught between worlds like this and--!"
She clutches her hands about her ears, even as her head stills. "She's always been there for me," Yuliana says, and her lashes are damp, now, "in the -- dark corners and -- the wounds you tear. How... how can I leave Her? She loved me s-so much, She tore a piece from Herself just so She would be small enough to come to this reality..."
Yuliana swallows, fingers digging in. "But it frightens me," she says, quietly. "But -- She frightens me. The part of Herself She tore away... it's Elisa who cares for my safety and my happiness. Elisa's always been the one... to pull me back..." She makes a miserable noise in the back of her throat, lips twisting up. "They're both my wife," she says. "They love me. You can't ask me to disconnect from -- the one person who -- always cared. Even now She's so demanding... it's just because She sent Herself here, isn't it?"
Well, it's a convenient explanation.
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
Rena can't really blame Eight for not wanting to be Yuliana's friend. For that matter, Rena finds it complicated. She looks sideways at Eight, and hesitates for a moment, feeling her unsettledness.
"It's... complicated," she admits, her voice quiet for a second.
She looks sideways at Anita, when she promises they'll pull her back. Rena smiles at her -- and it's a relief, and it's welcome, and there is still a little guilt. She remembers the last time they had to.
But that doesn't change that any of them would do the same. "Yeah," she says, a little quietly, but with a smile. "I know, Annie."
She frowns a little, as Yuliana talks about the Void. About how she is doomed. And there is a little fear, then. A fear that takes hold and won't quite leave. The Empress is beyond their reckoning.
"I won't let that happen," she says. "I'll believe I can overcome it."
She hesitates a moment more, then, as Yuliana explains. They love her. They made a part of themself, which could be her. Rena's eyes lower, for a moment.
"No one deserves to be hurt by someone they love," Rena says. "And... no one deserves to become a sacrifice. We said you're not a monster."
Rena swallows. "And you're not. You deserve to love yourself, and have the things you want for yourself. Which is different than what someone wants for you."
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
Yuliana does sound defeated. It reminds her of that day--the day she left her crying. And of course, Yuliana clarifies it. What she wanted. 'Not perfect', Yuliana says of it, and again Eight sees the twisted nature of how she speaks. Still, she did try.
Eight wants to be the sort of person who helps, when someone tries. Is that how it was there?
Eight... sighs, after the explanation, the help Yuliana offers, and what she speaks of. Her specialness; her fear. Her tears.
"...I didn't get out of anything whole," Eight explains softly. "These two are part of what rebuilt me. They gave me a reason to keep going through therapy, to get to the other side, when on the earlier side that woman didn't leave me with anything at all."
She looks to Anita, then to Rena.
"...If Elisa is that person for you, then maybe you'll get through this. I hope so. I do, believe it or not. I have a harder time forgiving you than Rena, but if you're connected to her, then that connects us, too. Whether you and I like it or not."
"I'd be afraid too in your shoes. ...The truth is I don't think you deserve what's happening to you. Not even for all you've done. Because no one does."
"...I'm sorry that I couldn't help you. Maybe I'm not quite that 'whole' after all. But like you said... It's not good to focus on what you're missing."
<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.
Rena smiles, and Anita smiles back - and she nods, as Rena says that she knows they'll be there to pull her back. Anita listens, then - of Yuliana trying to learn from Eight, and Eight's response, and as Yuliana speaks of her niece.
She frowns, just a little, when Yuliana mentions the Empress compelling her to destroy the Fold Quartz. ...And she frowns, as Yuliana continues.
...It's... a little hard to hear.
There's a lot of things she could say. She's not sure any of them would help. So instead... she nods, agreeing with Rena - and with Eight, too.
"...Yeah. That's... the people who love you shouldn't hurt you. Or make demands of you." She shakes her head. "...It's not right. That's just another form of debt."
All's she can do now is nod to what Eight says.
"...Yeah. I hope you get through it, too."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"That's what everyone tells me," Yuliana sighs, hands lowering so that she can stare at them. "But this is a gift, and it comes with a price. If I can't endure Her affection... doesn't that say more about my own human limitations? She just wants... what's best for me."
And is she talking about the Empress -- or Elisa?
At the start of a sentence, it's difficult to tell.
"I haven't been able to love myself for a long time, sister," she says, quietly, still looking down at those hands. They are scarred in too many places -- there's the circular marks on her wrists, where they installed the ports to keep her veins open, and there are the burns where her clutch overheated in her palm. "Not for a very long time. I'm so hungry... but I never grow full. I know I'm a wretched, worthless creature... but She loves me. I need it -- so badly!"
Yuliana is drowning, and the first thing you learn about drowning women is not to give them your hand without being properly anchored -- lest they drag you into the depths in their duress.
Perhaps that's how it was, for Eight, in that hall.
"I just," she sniffs, "want what they want from me. ... it's easier if I want it. It's better not to make a fuss... if we're on the same page, no one has to turn me around. You know, disagreeing can be, s-so stressful... I don't like hurting my wife. M-my Wife." Is it the Empress who makes it too stressful to disagree, or is it Elisa? "And my Elisa's always given me anything I wish for, anyway..." ... so it's the Empress, then.
She told Eight that she embraced hurting people, but that's clearly not the only time she's made sure that she's a willing vessel for the desires of whoever's behind her.
But Eight explains, and Yuliana's brow twitches into a frown again. "That's not what I meant," she says, all a-grump. "But you got out of -- this --" she looks up at Eight, frowning, as she gestures vaguely at All Of The Photon Powers Labs, "-- like that," she points a finger straight at Eight's chest, "even though we're both eighties stock!" Which she knows, of course, because she read Eight's file. "So excuse me for having some vain hope I wouldn't always to be like this!" And her hand claps, loudly, back to her chest.
It curls there, though, as she looks away again. "... but of course that's what my Elisa is to me," she adds, quieter. "I don't even know if you should say whether I deserve it or not, as if love's something inflicted on you... but I suppose you've cleared the bare floor of decency, for all your flaws." She's one to talk. They've buried the bar for Yuliana to clear in the ground, and she's still making a big deal about getting over it.
And her other hand clasps over it, as Anita adds her piece, too.
"Leyasha... Leina, says... I should understand that the Empress is... abusing me. And it will get worse when I'm physically with Her... that's what she says," she says, a touch thin and insistent, as if it's Leina's fault she'd say such awful accusations. "That's... those debts... well, I... um..."
Yuliana curls in on herself, more tears leaking down her cheeks.
"I don't want you to see me like this," she whines, eyes scrunched shut. "I'd rather you think me a monster than an unfaithful wife. G...go away... go away, or I'll really make you sorry--!!" ... and even if she is miserable, she's also still in a gym with a lot of heavy things she could use to make good on that threat, so maybe it is better to give her space.
<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.
Rena looks at Eight, her expression softening when she says that they helped rebuild her. It's hard to not be moved -- and harder to not reach out and hug her. But she keeps that down, in front of Yuliana, and talking to her.
Her eyes shift -- to look at Anita, and she nods once, after she says it's another form of debt.
She stays quiet a moment long when Yuliana talks about loving herself. Rena flinches, to hear her talk about the Empress. "Yuliana, that's... she shouldn't..."
She tells them to leave. And she curls in on herself.
Rena swallows, then she nods. "A...all right." She looks at the others, then back at Yuliana -- and starts backing away. "We'll go."
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
Eight sees it. She sees the gaping abyss of which Yuliana speaks. She feels it. And she wonders, then, how often Yuliana has bent, in that way...
Not for the first time, Eight resolves that she will not. Looking at Yuliana is stressful. And understanding what she means is difficult. Of therapy?
"Ah," Eight answers, looking around. "...I don't know what to tell you about that. It's hard. But it's not impossible."
Still...
Yuliana says they should go, and Rena agrees for them. Eight might accept that hug later. She might think more, about how Anita calls it 'debt', and avoids the things that chain her down.
"Right," Eight says. "We'll go."
Eight turns to do exactly that. It might be best if she leaves first anyway.
<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.
...It's rough. Really rough, to hear someone talk like that. Even when that someone is Yuliana, for whom Anita has plenty of grudges to hold. She grimaces.
She shakes her head and opens her mouth... but, Yuliana makes it rather clear that they shouldn't stay here any longer. Even as she curls in on herself - even as she cries.
...Anita exhales.
"...Well. If that's what you want." Anita says, resignation in her tone. She turns around, leaving without further word.