2024-02-01: .we both are at low tidE
- Log: .we both are at low tidE
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Leina Ashta
- Where: The Photon Power Labs
- Date: 2024-02-01 (ICly May 0098)
- Summary: Leina forcefully drags Yuliana out of deep depression, only for Yuliana to interrogate what's been bothering Leina lately. After Yuliana shares a few horror stories about her encounters with labrats, Leina finally shares hers, and Yuliana... makes some effort to ease her pain, anyway. Leina is still better at it. (Content warning: medical horror)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soL8JK6kALc Pink Floyd - Hey You
Yuliana, unsurprisingly, did not show up at the gym to lift weights with Leina and Shari. More surprisingly, she hasn't shown up to the sleep clinic, either, or to therapy. She stalked off to her guestroom, buried herself in there, and hasn't come out for the past few days at all. She doesn't turn away the doctors when they come to see her, at least, but as much as any of them try to convince her that they can't bring all their equipment into the guest room... she just doesn't want to get out of bed.
Elisa advised them that this does happen, and, in lieu of her wife asking to come home, has directed them to support her until she gets her energy back.
... they're to inform her if the stupor persists for more than four days straight without responding to benzodiazepines.
It hasn't been that long, with the blinds are tightly shut and a bundle of blankets suggesting human form on the bed. A half-eaten tray of food is still resting on the bedside table from breakfast, all pecked at and halfheartedly plucked; half a slice of toast has fallen to the floor, as if the effort to carry it all the way just died partway through. This is, technically, progress, in that she managed to make herself eat... some of it.
And the ball of blankets on the bed must, surely, contain a woman. No one's seen her today, aside from when a therapist came in to try to talk to her earlier, so she can't possibly have run off. She also can't possibly be asleep, because the rest of the Laboratory hasn't been plunged into uncomfortable psychic silence. By process of exclusion... she's just kind of lying there.
Her phone teeters precariously on the edge of her mattress, from the last time her wife called her.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
It's definitely not a surprise that Yuliana didn't show up. Eventually however, Leina cuts the weight lifting short for a long jog.
Just in case Yuliana wants to do it by herself.
Leina hasn't checked directly on Yuliana since she entered her guest room. It's always text messages. She resists the urge to ask for updates.
She resists.
She figures she's out by now. It must just be she's avoiding them. That must be it.
It's only after several days that the support gives an unsolicited update. She hasn't left the room since she entered.
Leina rubs the side of her nose, then slowly writes back.
>ok
>ty
>im going to go check myself
She puts the phone down, and puts the simple dress away. She told herself she was going to try again, but today isn't the day. It hasn't been the day for a long time, but today is definitely not it.
And so she goes in just an old well worn Wonderful Persimmon shirt, and a pair of denim shorts. It comes simply, in the form of three sharp knocks.
"Yuliana. It's me. I'm coming in."
Leina opens the door, whether or not she gets an answer, and moves inside to assess the situation, her wrapped up in the blankets - the half-eaten food trays.
Then takes a breath, and says nothing for a while. Even with her senses unable to feel her, she doesn't require them to know what this is.
There's no small talk, no 'how are you doing' or 'what's eating you'.
"Alright. Sit up." She tells her firmly, in that tone that brooks no argument, "We're going to get you a shower, and a real meal inside of you."
She fully remembers what Elisa says, but she is not going to wait for her to get her energy back.
She knows what this is. She knows too well.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Nnnnhhhh."
The blanket pile makes a vague negatory sound, but since she can't even be bothered saying no go away properly, perhaps it's no wonder Leina barges in anyway.
The blanket pile just kind of curls in tighter around itself, her phone falling down to land on the floor from the motion. Luckily, it's in the kind of sturdy case which can withstand Yuliana throwing it about, so it's fine. "Nuh," the blanket pile mumbles, remaining quite still. "Ghwei." She still can't be bothered articulating 'go away' properly.
And when that doesn't work, the pile of blankets curls in on itself even more, and manages to say something halfway coherent with, "dunwannaaaa."
This is a very unfriendly pile of blankets.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina crosses her arms and stares at the unfriendly pile of blankets as it makes its first sound, and somewhere around the 'Ghwei' she appears to lose patience.
Moving over to the window, she raises the blinds with a sharp sound, flooding the room with the light of the Daystar.
"That's too bad." Leina tells her in her best 'brooks no bullshit' voice, "But I don't recall offering you a choice in the matter."
She knows fully well that Yuliana wasn't given a choice in MANY things throughout her lifetime. But this is one thing she must draw a line upon.
Dropping her bag she makes a tug against the blanket pile, and when it's clear the force of her arms isn't going to overcome the curl of the pile.
She lets go. Is she giving up?
Abruptly, Yuliana hears a SHRIP noise, followed by snipping, and it's not long before the fabric starts to part, to let in that hateful light, as Yuliana sees one edge of some heavy duty scissors, almost shears.
"There." Leina peers through the fabric to say, "Now, are you going to sit up, or am I going to have to cut this the rest of the way off?"
LEINA SHE HAS SNAKES! AND CAN BENCH PRESS LIKE 300 KILOS!
Leina experimentally makes another cut of the scissors just to show it's not an idle threat.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Nnnnnnn!" the pile of blankets protests, with a little more life, as the hated daystar encroaches upon it. Luckily, the pile of blankets is still safe, inviolate and clustered on the bed.
Even when Leina tries to steal one of the blankets away from the sacred Pile, it holds close to its neighbours. They will not be divided and conquered. They are --
srhip srhip srhip
Oh, it's not a pile of blankets.
It's YULIANA, who has clustered a pile of blankets over herself.
She glares -- with bags under her eyes, for some reason, despite the fact that by all accounts she's done nothing but sleep for ages -- at Leina through the hole she's cut, only to pull the blankets over her head so that she can't see the hole any m--
shrip shrip shrip
-- oh, right, Leina still has the scissors. And Yuliana does reach out to try and grab them off of her, but it's very much a half-hearted kind of swat. In the end, it just kind of ends with her arm out of the blankets.
"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Yuliana moans, in that distraught-but-too-exhausted-to-use-an-exclamation-mark-about-it kind of way. The blanket pile around her shifts, and, finally, she pushes herself up into a sitting position.
Her hair hasn't been washed for days, draping dismally down over her scarred face; her green nightgown is crumpled. (There's that tattoo, on her neck, where it's normally covered by her scarves.)
"Nuh," she grunts, as she glares sullenly at Leina and her torture implements. "Whut."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Yuliana reaches her arm out and swats, and certainly Leina doesn't try to overpower her, the scissors stay in her hand- but not for lack of trying by Yuliana. It's just, it's rather easy to see it coming when the hole in the blankets are only so big.
She doesn't say anything, just stares for several long moments like she's a bad behaving child, or cat.
Then when she finally pushes herself up into a sitting position, Leina puts her scissors away, as it's best not to have a sharp implement in these scenarios.
Probably in some zipper pouch inside the purse by the sound of it.
"'What'? Don't give me 'what'. You've been in here for days." She eyes her after a moment, "And apparently not sleeping. Are you cheeking your meds? Or is the Insomnia that bad?"
Leina then shrugs as if to indicate that while 'it matters' which, that it doesn't matter for her next action.
As she walks over to the bathroom, opens the door, walks inside, and starts up the water to warm it up. As she then walks back out.
"Alright - you're taking a shower. After we're doing your hair, then getting you some clean clothes and a hot meal."
As she just starts, dictating this, "Then you're taking a walk at least. Something low impact. If you can't sleep, then it's better not to just lay there thinking it's going to happen. We're going to up the odds of you getting some quality rest."
She does at least wait to see if Yuliana is actually going to comply here.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana does have a terrible track record with scissors. Just ask Elisa.
"Nuhuh," she mumbles, when Leina asks why she isn't sleeping, which completely isn't an intelligible answer to her question. Is she agreeing? Disagreeing? And with what statement?!
Well, at least it doesn't matter.
She at least looks at Leina when she dictates terms. And finally, she responds: "Dunwanna." But Leina doesn't magically go away when she says it's not happening, and so, at length:
"Ughhhhhhh."
Finally, Yuliana's legs slip down from the bed to the floor. She stomps right on that slice of toast, and doesn't even notice it's sticking to her heel as she tromps into the shower.
...
...
... presumably, she figured it out at some point, because it's not there when she comes OUT. She's even thrown on a t-shirt and some shorts which, no doubt, Leina made sure were in easy reach for her.
"This is stupid," Yuliana grumbles, sitting back down on the bed. Hey, look! Water returned the use of complete sentences to her, like magic. "You got enough to worry about. Leave me alone."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina keeps her arms crossed, waiting. Would she gesture inside and tell her to 'March!' Well.
One doesn't know, since Yuliana goes towards the shower. Leina leans against the side of the door frame, with the door cracked, only half observing her progress.
She does give Yuliana SOME privacy, in the sense of not standing there beside within. She doesn't know what Yuliana's boundary generally is on her naked body.
When she comes out dressed and says that...
Leina snorts, "Making sure you're doing the bare minimum to care for yourself isn't stupid." She's looking in the opposite direction. "It's the definition of time well spent."
Leina just looks away, "Yeah? I'll be the judge of that. If you're really so concerned about my 'load' then give me one fewer thing to worry about."
Reaching into her purse, she starts tapping out a text. "I'm ordering you a real meal. Wanna make a decision on what it is?" Leina looks up from her phone, "You've got ten seconds."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Leina does realise she's a decade younger than Yuliana, doesn't she?! Honestly!
(No one bring up the fact that Yuliana is exhibiting the behaviour of a beleagured toddler here. It's Leina who is wrong.)
As it happens, she's... used to not having any privacy. It might not even be entirely a medical torture thing; military showers tend to be communal, too. But she does prefer to come out clothed, because, well -- she's married, and even if Leina is too young for her, she is still an adult woman. It would be improper for her to gallivant about unclothed around another woman with those wedding bands on her finger.
Which explains why she ties a scarf around her neck, too, when she finally thinks to care about it. Except she doesn't have a scarf on hand, so she just grabs some of that sad chopped-up blanket Leina mutilated and uses that.
"Nnn..." She grumbles, when Leina tells her she's worth spending time on. She sighs, her shoulders sinking. "Okay..."
No sooner has she accepted that Leina might be safe does she confront her with A CHOICE. "Huh?!" Yuliana grunts, looking up, focus returning to her vague expression. "That's--!! But -- I don't know, I'm not really hungry..." Aaand that's ten -- "F--fine, I don't know, um, an omelette?" Technically more than ten seconds, but she did make a decision eventually.
"But I want you to eat with me," she pouts.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
It hardly matters to Leina, she's nearly always younger than the people she's taking care of in her life.
And has been for quite some time.
But then the diabolical TEEN confronts Yuliana with a CHOICE! And Leina's suddenly grins a little too big, and despite the fact it took SLIGHTLY LONGER than ten seconds, "Sure. Two Omelettes then."
She's tapping a text. This text is taking a while. Why is it TAKING SO LONG for her to order two omelettes?
WHAT IS SHE DOING?
"Alright. Won't be long."
-=-=-
The chef in the PPL cafeteria gets a ticket with a request. The other line cooks stare at it and-
"That sure is a request." One of them states, before the chef notes, "It's for two VIPs, we'll make it happen. Let's see- I think Kyouko in accounting is here today."
-=-=-
Taking a bottle water out of her purse, Leina cracks the top, and then hands it to Yuliana, "Drink a little more while we're waiting."
She tells her, still not talking about the problem. Only offering solutions to start to alleviate it.
"You're obviously still low key dehydrated."
She tells her, and taps her own lips as if to tell her the sign of how she knows that's true.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Twenty-one isn't a teen any more, Leina. That's old enough to drink everywhere in the world. ... still young enough that Yuliana would normally be trying to mom at her, though.
Yuliana scowls, with a look of suspicion, as it takes so long to request two omelettes. "What are you smiling about," she grumbles, but doesn't quite have the energy required to lunge up and grab her phone to see.
Her gaze drops down to the water bottle, and after a moment, she lifts her leaden arm to take it. "Mmn," she hums, her lips pressing together, and -- oh, right. They ARE dry and chapped, aren't they. "Hmph," Yuliana grumbles, because it makes no sense to her why the shower wouldn't cover that up.
At least she actually drinks from the bottle, though. Glug, glug, glug.
"Tch... does it make you feel better, or something, looking after me?" Yuliana grumbles, when she finally lowers the bottle back down. (Halfway drained.) "I don't get it... you sure weren't jumping in glee to help that other woman, back in Isaac City. So -- what?"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Your order. I liked it."
Is her easy response to the question about what she's smiling about.
As for the lips- Yuliana doesn't voice her thoughts on the mucus membranes, so Leina doesn't answer. Just letting her drink it.
"Hm?" The question is one however, she doesn't have an immediate answer to, especially the follow up.
"Like I do feel satisfaction in it? Some. But I've just always been someone who- needs to do- what needs to be done, for the people in my life."
Does she need to be needed? That's an interesting question, and not one she has all the brainpower to consider at this moment in time.
"For Atrytone?" Leina eyes her, "I was there to arrest her, and she was throwing a tantrum over something she already realized had changed inside of her."
Her eyes wander away from Yuliana in that moment, to something distant, more abstracted. "I just wasn't feeling it. No amount of effort was going to change her mind. So there was only stopping her from lashing out worse."
Was that really all there was?
"Like what, should I seriously engage with her on the topic of - regressing humanity back to an era where all progress is lost?" She snorts, "Talk to her about the ethics of womens' rights rolling back to the stone ages because society fails to teach young men past the instinct of sexual attraction and impulse anymore? Just- just no."
A pause.
"Just wasn't feeling it." She tells her quietly.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Well-- of course you did. I have excellent taste, you know," Yuliana says, and if she sounds a little unnerved, never mind that.
The bottle crinkles, as Yuliana holds onto it. Someone who needs to do that sort of thing... huh.
But she shakes her head, when Leina asks who she's talking about. "No, not that toaster," she says, dismissively. "Atrytone -- or whatever she's calling herself today -- she's a wretched woman, and her world of stillness damned with her. I'm talking about the humans who Chrome suckered into defending them, the -- oh, what was her name? Aura, that's it."
She points her water bottle at Leina. "Now, I get why you'd be tired of Atrytone. But I don't know why you'd be so tired of the collateral that you all but tell me to handle it. I mean -- me? Have you met me? I'm many things, Leyasha, but I'm not delicate." A pause, "... and you weren't particularly delicate, the other day, either. Something's worn down your patience, and I'm asking you what happened."
Yuliana did run an awful lot of interrogations, back when she was the shadow of the law.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Heh."
Leina keeps her smile at that one, but then- Yuliana clarifies, and Leina flinches.
Then she doesn't say anything as she keeps explaining and-
Eventually, her eyes close, and she takes a breath. "It's nothing complicated just- we all have our good days, and our bad. I was tired- and you-"
A gesture, like she's trying to find something diplomatic to say about it, "-you had more in common with them than I did. They didn't want, delicate."
Is Leina's subdued answer, something about her showing she's still tired. As she then states... abstracted.
"I can't save everyone. Better- to not pretend like I can."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
There's the flinch; there's the breath. Yuliana narrows her eyes. "I get that," she says, to Leina's diplomatic conclusion.
The 'but' is implicit, and carried through in Leina's abstraction.
"What happened?" She asks, again. "You're even here trying to save me, even though that's -- hopeless. And you've always been on my ass about collateral damage and giving people a chance to live and whatever. And now you're standing there, dissociating while you tell me you can't, and --"
The water bottle crinkles as she grips it tighter, all her excess emotion pouring into her grip. She closes her own eyes, takes a deep breath, and goes suspiciously silent for roughly ten seconds. (Give or take. Counting in one's head isn't always clock-accurate.)
"Sit down," she says, finally, gesturing to the bed. "Talk to me. I know something's wrong, I've been thinking about it, I -- it's not like I don't care about you either, you know. You... you're my friend," she admits, though she glances away in the admission, "and I worry about you, so -- just do it!"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"It's not-" Leina says a little TOO sharply, "-hopeless!"
Yet she doesn't take the time to elaborate on that, just refute it, before Yuliana delivers her statement on it-
"That's a separate issue!" She tells her on collateral damage, civilian lives. "That's not about saving people! It's about not being put in danger to begin with!"
Leina puts a hand to her face then turns and stares at her, "I still hear them screaming sometimes. She hand-cuffed me into her mobile death machine and threw a tantrum when Judau almost got me out..." As her volume rises, "...on a playground!"
She gives Yuliana a long look, "I don't even know how many died, because Axis didn't bother to tally it! I just heard them screaming as she melted parents, kids! Kids who just saw two mobile suits land nearby and wanted to get a look! While I begged her to stop!" Her hands come up to both sides of her face, "It's not about SAVING them! It's about how it never should have happened!"
Now perhaps Yuliana understands why she reacted so badly in Sri Lanka. "Sit down!? I'm- you're telling me it's hopeless and I should just-! Sit down!?" She gives her this just upset look. "I'm-!"
Whatever she was going to say next, she chokes it down, and takes a breath then eventually fumbles for a chair, and just sinks down.
Then takes a breath, then another, holding a hand against her face. "It's... just a job thing. Just- you know." She mumbles, "You had bad missions, I'm sure."
She definitely doesn't elaborate, yet, like she's deflecting. A 'bad case' that affected someone. Of course someone in a career like hers has days like that.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana scowls, her arm crossing her chest as Leina's tone sharpens. But -- she doesn't interrupt her. This thing that's wearing Leina out...
... seems like it's rooted in there quite deeply.
"That's not what I meant," she insists, at least, when Leina starts ranting about why she was told to sit down. "It just didn't feel right to make you talk about it standing there..."
Of course she feels bitter that her attempt at caring was met so angrily, but she did, she supposes, ask. And it's not as if she didn't get upset at Leina herself, recently. Maybe it's only fair she be allowed to bite her hand off here.
She frowns, taking another drink of water, as she considers Leina's deflection. Glug, glug...
"If you really don't want to talk about it," she sighs, lowering the bottle down again, "then fine. I won't make you. I guess you have people you'd rather discuss your feelings with, anyway. But I'm going to tell you about some 'job things', because it sure as hell sounds like you've locked yourself up in there as if no one gets it."
Technically, Yuliana is describing herself, but she's pretty sure it also applies to Leina.
"Soon after I got back from the Mycenae War -- civil war broke out across the Earth. They made me an officer cadet in the special forces, but it only made things harder. There was always another fight... we'd just spritz some Red Eye and get back into it... once, I didn't even have time to put my gear on. S'where I got this," she taps her finger to the left side of her face, where that scar hangs down. "And I mean, it was... it wasn't the war I'd just fought, that's for sure. But most of the time, it wasn't that bad. You know, machines killing each other... like normal. Except --" Yuliana takes a breath, folding one leg over the other. "My superiors realised I was good at fighting a particular kind of ace. And at one point I realise -- the kid in the machine opposite me -- he's really a kid. You know? You know like how labs like churning through brats and putting them on the field? Yeah, it wasn't hard to stop him when I got close enough to interrupt his tricks. But I hop out and pop the cockpit and... kid's like, twelve."
She looks up, her own tone abstracted, now. "He was beat up pretty bad, but I managed not to kill him... radioed back, they told me to take him with me. So I bring him back, and they say... he's still good. Might be useful if he reacted that badly to me. So, like -- they just -- ship him back to the lab. Yeah, they just shipped him back to the lab... wasn't the Institute, then, it was still the Renascence Orchid Project. Or was it the Advanced Research Facility by that point...? Haa... it hardly matters. Last time I saw him, he was all full of wires... didn't go so far to spare the cockpit, after that."
She's quiet, for a moment, staring down at her hands.
"But just saying that is no good," she supposes, "because you'll say, well, you had no choice, it's different. Well... do you know I'm part of Celestial Being?" Yuliana wonders, glancing to Leina. "I was a double agent, for a while... well, then I became public enemy number one, so all my intel dried up. But they still call on me to pilot. It wasn't so long ago -- I was called in to support a mission to neutralise a Cyber-Newtype lab. And you know, I was happy to go," she adds, with a strained smile. "I thought -- I'd like to be able to do what you did for me to someone else. But when we got to that Institute, the Meister leading the mission realised... everyone was still inside."
Her smile fades, as she repeats, "Everyone."
Her water bottle crinkles, again, as she grips it.
"Perhaps it was our fault for assuming there was an extraction team," she says, quietly. "But by the time I knew -- it was too late to back down. We successfully completed the mission... I guess I can still follow orders, even if it's not with the military." Yuliana takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. "I regret it. I've dodged all VEDA's -- that's, basically the boss, it's complicated -- calls for similar action since then. And as for the Silent Calling, I've made sure no one goes so far as to hit a lab directly... most of what we do is intercept victims in transport. It's... easier that way. Maybe it makes up for it... but it was a big building, Leyasha." She's quiet, for a moment, before she repeats: "A real big building."
And then she goes silent.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
There is this pervasive sense of shame in the aftermath, she lost her temper. It wasn't ENTIRELY right for her to lose her temper, so that means it was wrong. Sitting down, she rubs a hand across her face and just breathes.
Until she says she has people she'd rather discuss her feelings with, and there's a sharp, sad laugh at that, as she says bitterly, "Not really."
Not that she doesn't have people.
Just - there's noone she wants to discuss this with.
Yuliana starts talking about the Mycenae War, and Leina just braces herself mentally, emotionally, as she knows that there's almost no way this is an easy story. Her sea green eyes wander to the scar.
Then look at her as she continues, she knows it's going to be bad. Tetsuya always held back the worst stories for a reason. But there's a reason why he ended up in that wheelchair across from Leina, back then.
She doesn't need to know the specifics, to know it's bad.
Twelve.
Leina just quietly shakes her head, after all, that's not such a shocking thing. For someone who's been through what she has, it's entirely predictable. Shipped back the lab?
"Yeah they wouldn't - want to waste a potential resource like that." The bitterness in her tone is just- the anger is still there, just not at Yuliana now.
What would she say? Ultimately, she doesn't say it, because Yuliana's still talking, and says what she found inside that institute, as her posture hunches forward and she clasps her hands, eyes upon her lap. And decides it's best if she doesn't discuss all she knows about CSB's inner workings.
"Surprised Celestial Being tried." Is Leina's answer, quiet as a whisper, "They tried to cover it up well enough, but I read the reports, that guy in the orange Gundam with the GN Drive. Torched the whole facility at Quanqiu... didn't even attempt extraction."
Her eyes flick up to Yuliana, "Thank you for trying." Something, a little hoarse, desperately sad in her tone.
Her hands tap together, again and again and again. "It doesn't feel right to complain about it. Like, what did I expect? I made that deal because I thought I could spread, the good will that was intended for the Universal Century, perpetuate it - by closing down places like this, for good."
Again and again and again.
"So what did I expect? I know what these places are like. I know what they do. I was in one. But I guess I was a Prized Fucking Specimen, not - a Sample." She says that bitterly, "I had it good. Just like back then, with Elpeo. It was like I was putting on party dresses, and being taught the piano and learning how to dance."
That last comment takes on a new meaning perhaps, given her code words.
"So you know! Maybe I just didn't quite think it through, what I'd be- up against, in my mission of spreading good will. Because we raided the facility the Sleeves used to manufacture the Shamblo- right under everyone's noses."
There's this, laugh, "God, it all seems so ridiculous. Those things are so prohibitively expensive to make, yet they were using one as their guard dog. So we breach, and everything goes to hell in a handbasket immediately- as another Shamblo just ROLLS OUT into Dubai."
Pat. Pat. Pat.
"The pilot's just - screaming, in a way only I can hear."
Pat. Pat. Pat.
"Help. Help. Help."
Pat. Pat. Pat.
"And we're regrouping, and it's stupid, as I roll up on a playground in the middle of the night and realize how many people are going to die while we wait. So- I stop falling back, I go back in there. I figure, I can turn the Psychojammer on, maybe distract it long enough with its reflectors offline."
The motion with her hands abruptly stops.
"Nope. Whole thing just, stops when I do. Shooting fish in a barrel, one shot- sever the cockpit reactor couplings, it goes dark." There's this bitter cast to her smile, "So I get in there, I rip the hatch off - tell them I'm going to get them help. And there's this... smell? Salty? Metallic?"
She tells Yuliana, "I don't see a pilot, just a whole mess of wires. I know they're in there, and so this, drip of- fluid? S'where the smell was coming from. And, look- there's like this-" She puts out her hands, "-case? Look inside and there's, more wires. And something fleshy, wet, and grooved- like a weird sponge."
Leina just lets that settle in, she doesn't tell Yuliana the obvious conclusion, no, she'll have figured it out probably long before now.
"They're still asking for help, pleading. And- all I can think of is what would Judau do? And I don't-" She squeezes her eyes shut, "-I don't know. It's like- what do I do? Will they just, sit in an evidence locker? Or will there be medical advances twenty years from now? Or-?"
There's another pathetic, shake of her head, "So, I figure there's only one way to help right now and- I just..." Softer, "... unholster my sidearm."
She got all kinds of commendations after. Even her own squad is calling her an Ace for taking on that monster by herself, no matter how much she protests that characterization.
It just stopped.
"What did I expect?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
If anything, that bitter reply is proof that Yuliana has to do something. Even if she's not particularly delicate. So -- there are stories. And they're hardly the only stories Yuliana has, but she's not telling them to get them off her chest, not this time; she's telling them to level the playing field.
No matter how bad Leina thinks it is, she's probably done worse.
Though, life after the Mycenae War... was bad, yes. She hums affirmation, when Leina reflects on the first story, and keeps going.
And, "mm," she hums, with a nod and a little shrug as Leina thanks her. She doesn't start talking again so easily, though, because she's still waiting for Leina to talk.
Being patient for once in her life does get her somewhere, shockingly.
And Yuliana listens to Leina's idealism, leaning forward, her arms resting on her knees, hands hanging loose. One finger taps at that water bottle, still. Leina wasn't just a sample... just like her. It's difficult, isn't it? Being favoured.
Her fingers tighten around the bottle, when she hears that Leina went to raid the Shamblos.
If the pilot was screaming that much, why did no one pick up on the...
"Ah," Yuliana says, quietly, and doesn't interrupt.
Crunch, goes the bottle, when Leina says she invoked the Psychojammer. She doesn't actually realise until the trickle of water still in there hits her foot. She looks down at it, and grabs one of those shredded blankets to shove down onto the little puddle of water. To stop the sounds of liquid.
Obviously.
"Sialan," Yuliana damns the bastard dogs, at length. "Anjing bajingan! We're really just military hardware, huh... shit." She's talking like a soldier, because she really has no other way to address it, but she does remember to shift from Indonesian to OCU English before she moves from invectives to actual sentences. "I don't think there's any way you can see someone more vulnerable than that... yeah, it'd stick with you. Last time I had to deal with B-Types, I didn't take it well, either. But that was a straight fight. It's different if you're fighting like normal... to looking it in the eye. And it's not like I had any way... to hear them, like that."
Yuliana sighs, looking over to Leina. "Look, having expectations... isn't bad. I had a lot of expectations, coming out of the Mycenae War, fighting with Boss and the others. And when the REA really put me to work, I figured out most of them were totally wrong... and I couldn't hold hope in hands like these." She looks down at her hands, flexing her fingers into fists before she releases them. "But it's not like I stopped thinking those things entirely. Like -- I first knew about you because I'd give your mom an easy deal on operating in the area, since I knew there were too many orphans for us to deal with internally... and some orphans, they had a nasty habit of disappearing, if you know what I mean." Sometimes she's the one who disappeared them. Anyway.
"So, yeah -- you're part of the system now," she says, quite seriously, meeting her eyes. "It sucks. You'll kill people you didn't want to. God willing, you're right about Cathedra and you won't ever think that killing them would have been a kinder option than what happened. But you said you got into the system so that you could protect your people. Remember that?" Yuliana leans forward, gesturing to Leina. "If you lose yourself in horror over this -- I'd say there's one person you're not really protecting, and that's you. You've got to find some way to balance this on your books, or you'll end up tearing down all the mirrors in your house. One or the other."
Yuliana takes a breath, eyes closing for a moment. "I don't know what those people want. I can't, really. But I can tell you -- if the Republic had actually managed to make me into a fucking husk of a human for them to harvest -- I'd want someone like you who shot first instead of letting me be a valuable conversation piece. I've had to think about... what it would be like to live like that, since I remember them shoving those tubes down my throat... so they could force my lungs to breathe properly and make sure I wouldn't starve. At the time, I was very much controlled, so I just laid there and let it happen... but I remember. I got very close to being... spare parts."
She shakes her head, but forces herself not to look away. "It's a wretched, lonely feeling, knowing that for all you gave to them, they wanted everything. I wasn't any use as an agent any more... so they decided to vivisect me. And I suppose it must have been the same for that pilot. Why else would they send them out to fight you? They were a distraction. Disposable. Whoever that was, they're not here to say shit. But if it were me -- it would be a relief." And here, she holds up a hand. "I don't expect that to make you feel better," she says, as if to pre-empt her. "And I suppose you could say it's not the point. All the same, that's what I think. I'd be troubled if I didn't say so."
Yuliana pauses, looking down, finally. "I'm glad you told me," she says. "And I don't think any less of you." It would make her feel better if someone said that to her, and she does want to make Leina feel better.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
There's a sorrowful nod at Yuliana's statement, she doesn't even need to have her lips form the words 'To them.'
They both know this.
Her phone's translation app isn't on, but she doesn't need it to get the gyst of what Yuliana is saying. There are few words that people speak like that, in any language.
"It does." Leina tells her quietly, "I guess it's easier when you're not both Newtypes. People can at least, have the happy delusion that, there's not much left in there." There's this tiny sound, "Can just imagine their- their proposals. On how it'd be such an advantage. A B-Type Cyber-Newtype, interfacing with the Psychoframe in a mobile armor." Her eyes sparkle subtly in the light of the blinds she opened, "Assholes."
She's GLAD that it turned out to be such an Achilles' heel. Didn't even bother cybernetically interfacing it with the systems, with a mind-machine interface.
She's glad.
It's the only thing she's glad about.
Yuliana however, starts to speak of being part of the system, and it's realities, and her resolve, "I remember." She murmurs, as her hand begins the motion again.
Pat. Pat. Pat.
"And I know that. I just keep thinking, over and over."
Pat. Pat. Pat.
"They asked me for help and- I gave it to them."
Pat. Pat. Pat.
"And I don't know a thing about them. Not even their name. Couldn't find it in their files either."
Pat. Pat. Pat.
"I thought I could... at least give them that dignity. But the world can't even give them- or me that."
Her eyes slide up to Yuliana, as her hands meet again, and stop, then closes her eyes, and- "Maybe it's only a small consolation, but if I found you like that. I'd- do the same thing, yeah." A hand dabs at her eyes, as she opens them and looks at her, "And I'd- I'd know it was you."
A beat.
"I'd know your name."
Perhaps it isn't much, but that's all she asked for, in this situation. The world to grant some dignity to the most horrific kind of victim.
Why can't it give them all that at least?
Why can't it give them better?
"Um." It takes her a moment, after pausing awkwardly, before she says, "Me too."
-=-=-
When the Omelette is delivered.
Yuliana will find that hers has a ketchup drawing of a Chibi-smiling Snake, looking like one of Yuliana's appendages.
Leina can't help but crack a smile, as she pretends not to notice something she of course, requested.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Yeah," Yuliana says, softly.
"I know. I remember their names, when I hear them." Even Aura's, though it only came up in their radio banter once or twice. "... but I don't always hear them."
She looks up at the ceiling.
"So sometimes, I just... make names up, so I have something to call them in my head. You know, aside from -- the Nemo pilot or the Jegan pilot or the Lanze pilot or whatever."
It's not necessarily a suggestion, but it's out there.
"... have you told you mother about this?" Yuliana wonders, distantly. "If you haven't, you should... when you're comfortable with it, I mean."
And her hands lace together, and she says, "... I'm glad it goes for you, too, anyway."
Maybe all she can really do right now is sit with her.
...---...
And eventually, existing alongside Leina means existing alongside Leina with an omelette. Yuliana looks down at it... and giggles, lifting one of her tentacles as if it were looking at the portrait. "Ehehehehehe... heheheheheh!!"
That may well be the first time she's laughed in days.