2024-01-28: Settling
- Cutscene: Settling
- Cast: Akane Shinjo
- Where: Nouvelle Tokyo - Off-Campus Apartment (1LDK)
- Date: 0098-04-25
- Summary: Akane sends a few emails.
Akane sits -- well, lies down; there's no headroom to sit -- in the awkward little loft of her new apartment. (Space is a concern; the only way to get the option of separate sleeping spaces and a sitting room is to have one sleeping space in a tiny loft with a two and a half foot clearance.) Her fingers tap away at her computer. ... She's got a few letters to send that she's been putting off.
Mom,
I hope you're well. Are you still in Africa? I'm guessing it's pretty warm there. Who knows? Maybe if you don't skip out now that the situation's a little more complicated, you'll finally be in the OCU at the same time as I am for the first time since I was 12.
I made it to graduation. Thanks, I guess, for the apartment in Nouvelle Tokyo. I did a lot of growing up.
I guess you might expect me to say I did it alone. You did kinda leave me to raise myself. I don't think I did a very good job.
But I found people who did. If that's what you were hoping for for me, I guess I nailed it. I don't know if I think you were thinking that far ahead, though.
I think... a lot of people expect me to be mad at you. I do kinda wish I felt like... you wanted me. Maybe I'm at peace with being an accident, now? I guess when you make a few accidents of your own it hits different, huh.
I don't know what I'm trying to say here. It's not like we talk, uh, at all? This isn't, like... an invitation for you to come rushing back into my life or anything either.
If it's anything, I guess it's... I wanted to say that I hope I do a better job appreciating the accidents in my life than you did.
'cuz all of them are way better than the stuff I did on purpose.
I know it's still like two years out, and it's going to mean blowing a couple thousand G that I probably shouldn't, but I'm getting my own furisode made for my coming of age ceremony.
... You're invited, but that's the last one you get. Right now, I can't see myself wanting you at a wedding.
Akane
Send. It's easy. It's straightforward. She can show gratitude without just ignoring the ways in which she was hurt.
She gets to the next letter.
Dad,
I'm out of the AEU again. Is it still cold where you are? Uh, bundle up, I guess.
I got into the Nouvelle Tokyo Institute of Technology. It was like my #4 choice, and to be honest, the art therapy program is kind of weak. The psych side of it is a lot stronger than the art side, but, like, whatever. I'm literally professional-grade already. I'm guessing you're moving back home now that the OCU isn't part of the Earth Federation anymore. Into 3G, maybe.
Don't think that living closer means we're going to see each other much more. It sucks that the first time I saw you in four or five years was in one of the worst weeks of my life, but it sucks even more that it was an ACCIDENT. Like, seriously, who does that? Who does that. Literally would have been better if you said nothing.
Everything I said then's still true. I'm moving off our family register next month and starting my own.
I'm dating the girl you saw me come in with that day. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
If you say something like, 'at least that part's normal,' it's gonna be the last thing you ever say to me, just FYI. I wouldn't feel bad about getting you fired.
Anyway, uh, if we see each other at work (big if) just keep it professional.
Akane
Send. She's really getting the momentum now. It's good to get these out.
"Mrrnm." Akane fumbles with the tab on a can of coffee; her nails are a little longer than she usually keeps them, and they're a little bit annoyingly in the way. Some of the futon filler shifts underneath the can, and --
"Oh, come on," Akane mumbles to herself as she spills coffee on the futon. It's not a big deal -- this one they did thrift, so it's already got its share of stains -- but she's annoyed. Rather than leave the loft, she takes off her hoodie and uses that. "Uuugghhh, I don't wanna do laundry," she whines, before getting back to it.
Alexis,
I don't even know if you'll get this. Like, you're in super prison or whatever now, right? I asked Calibur and he said something about a 'containment program,' but he's so mumbly.
Ugh. I wish I could just hate you. I wish it were that simple. I want to.
But this wouldn't have been possible in the first place if not for you. For you... preying on me. None of this. I'd still be in that lonely apartment.
Or dead, I guess.
I'm doing better now, but... some days I still wake up and I just, agonize over whether this is even fair? Like... there are people out there living their lives who wouldn't be if it wasn't for me. Or at least, like, they wouldn't be living those lives. I don't know how souls work and I'm scared of ever finding out.
I'm happy. I have a job. College. A girlfriend. I don't know if it's a family, but, like... adults in my corner for once? And none of it would have happened if you didn't decide to lie to me, tell me I could have everything I wanted, then, just, what, gaslight me into trying to kill myself? Into becoming something like you? I don't know what your endgame was. I think I'm happier not knowing, but I want to know.
Do I want you to admit you did something wrong? Do I want to hurt you back? I don't know anymore! I really don't!
... It doesn't really matter, though. You're somewhere I can't go. Somewhere you can't hurt me.
I wish that was enough. I guess the world just has to be big enough that I don't have to think about you anymore.
Akane
Akane looks at it for a long time, slowly rolling over onto her side and shoving her laptop a few inches away. When she realizes she's just put her hair on damp coffee futon, she makes a face, but just mumbles, "Come on," rather than move.
... She does send the message. It doesn't matter to her, though, if it gets there or not.