2024-01-25: Uncertainty Made Certain! Boss and Liam's Resolve!
- Log: Uncertainty Made Certain! Boss and Liam's Resolve!
- Cast: Boss, Liam 7-020
- Where: Boss Ramen, Fujinomiya City
- OOC - IC Date: March 0098
- Summary: Liam follows up on Boss's offer to come have some ramen during the fight with Altryone. The two talk about it, the path they've each taken to get there, and what they intend to do moving forwards. Liam's desire to push onwards rejuvenates Boss, and Boss in turn validates Liam's progress, complicated though it may be.'
<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.
It's late at night, and Boss Ramen has closed to the public slightly early. Boss is expecting Liam, after he invited him during the recent battle in Africa, and Nuke and Mucha are already getting dinner ready for them.
Boss isn't the type to prefer conversations behind closed doors. But he's got something specific on his mind that's not convenient to discuss in the open... and he isn't in his usual state, besides. His co-pilots, at least, are present, but they've already talked to him at length. They'll come if they're called for, but otherwise, they'll concern themselves with other things.
As Liam approaches the door, he'll notice a banner reading "CLOSED" hanging from its ceiling, which he'll have been told beforehand to go through. When he steps inside, he'll find Boss at counter, humming to himself... clearly, he isn't drained of all his spirit.
<Pose Tracker> Liam 7-020 has posed.
Liam is still processing what happened almost a week ago. Thankfully, NERV didn't reprimand him for getting involved, and he spoke at length with his therapist about how it felt to pilot again. There's one dangling thread, though, aside from Asciel's escape--and Yuliana seemingly ending up under the wing of the PPL, which equal parts inexplcable, hopeful, and alarming to him.
The door swings open, and then shut. Liam pauses in the entryway, eyes scanning the interior of the restaurant. Boss might have noticed that he's slowly getting better. The first few times he showed up, he seemed... a little like Tetsuya, perhaps. Alert in a way most people shouldn't be, unused to the latitude offered to him in civilian life. Deeply unused to making his own choices. And over the past few months, things have changed even further.
"Hello, Boss," Liam says, his voice calm and polite. He walks up to the counter and seats himself. As always, he's hard to miss--again like Tetsuya, he's a big man, almost six and a half feet tall, and well-built. His eyes are a bright gas-flame blue, and the faintest coating of coppery-orange stubble sits atop a head he kept habitually shaved for over a year. He's in plainclothes: dark blue hoodie, jeans, boots.
"What's on the menu?" Conversationwise, as well as food. He knows Boss has to be hurting after what happened.
<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.
Boss has noticed something of a change in the way Liam carries himself. They haven't talked all that much, so he hasn't kept track of every day-to-day change, but he can see a difference between the first time they've met. Boss is happy to see it, even if he's never up and asked about the shift.
He notices the door before he hears the voice. Boss's humming stops - not quite abruptly, although he doesn't exactly finish the tune - as he turns to face his visitor. "Hey there, Liam!" As he waves with one arm, Boss's smile is wide and genuine, and if you didn't know better you'd say he was in top form. He's not so distraught that he can't greet his guests properly.
Hearing Liam seat himself, Nuke pokes his head out of the kitchen, and offers a small thumbs-up; it won't be long until food is ready. In response to the food, Boss says "I'm having the boys whip up some tonkutsu for you. I'm pretty sure that's your usual order; but I won't charge you for it if you're not feeling it. Either way, it'll be ready pretty soon." And sure enough, Mucha will come out to serve it as Liam responds.
In terms of conversation... Boss doesn't quite catch Liam's double meaning, but he's going in that direction anyways. "So, I won't force you to talk about anything you don't wanna, but... seeing you during that fight a few days back, I wanted to chat about what it's like being out there. Been ages since we did it, ourselves." ("We" meaning "Including Nuke and Mucha", here, although Boss doesn't realize the potential ambiguity.) "'Course, I didn't know how it was gonna end up, yet..." His face lowers, and here returns that somber expression that feels so strange on Boss's face. "But that's not something for you to worry about. How are you? I really appreciate you helping me out back there."
And Liam might be able to do it again. But Boss is focused on lending his ear, here, so it may take a little push to get him to open up on his own feelings. Either way, he waits patiently for Liam to respond.
<Pose Tracker> Liam 7-020 has posed.
Liam returns Boss's smile, and nods. Nuke, likewise, gets a friendly nod as he pokes his head out. So far, everything seems... okay, on the surface. "...Thank you," he says, his cheeks reddening a little at the offer of free food. Even now, he's a little embarrassed by the idea of someone giving him something just to be nice. "That's very generous."
And out comes the bowl, right on time! Liam picks up the spoon, scoops up a small ladle-full of broth, and sips--but his gaze stays on Boss as he talks. (The soup is still piping-hot, but Liam seems to suffer no discomfort whatsoever.) "That was my first time on the field since the Jupiter expedition," Liam admits. "I'd done some training sims the day before, but I was rusty. Wasn't about to let you and Sayaka go it alone, though. Altryone made an enemy of NERV, too." Liam pauses, and shrugs. "She's got a lot of enemies."
"I'm not okay, but I'm working on it. I was... glad I could help. But." Liam pauses. Boss has always been a friendly face, so seeing the somber look show up is... strange. He's allowed to feel upset, but does Boss know that? "Are you okay?"
<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.
"No trouble at all", Boss says of not charging for food. "Sometimes I wonder if I get a little discount-happy, but the three of us all get comfortably by, so I've got no issues with it."
Mucha, serving Liam's bowl, also reveals... a house special for Boss? The restaurant owner is surprised for a moment - he didn't ask for anything for himself - but he accepts it after a second. "Thanks, Mucha. Now go get some rest." Mucha snaps his fingers contentedly and heads back to the kitchen to pack up.
"Huh. I don't usually eat on the job. Surprisingly, my diet isn't only my own house specials." He chuckles for just a moment as he says it. "Part of it, obviously, is that I'm working, but I don't like taking my attention off my customers, either." He feels a little guilty about it even now. "But if it's all right with you... I think I can make time for it."
Maybe he can make time for more than just the ramen.
"The Jupiter expedition, huh... I don't know much about it, but it must be a heck of a thing to go to a whole other planet." Responsibilities of the ramen place aside, Boss Borot wouldn't even have the capacity to go do something like that.
Right?
One 0.5 second vision of Borot with a terrible spacesuit on later, Boss focuses again. "You probably know this, but Boss Borot's only freshly back on the battlefield, itself. Which means I'm not all caught up on 'Altryone.' Sayaka filled me in afterwards on some of her more troublesome moves - apparently she helped Hell get that huge Mazinger? - and Mucha told me he thinks he recognized her. Turns out, she's some kind of online celebrity. Goes by 'Asciel.'"
(Boss doesn't know which of those is her "real" name, if either of them. He defaults to "Altryone" in his head, since that's how he first met her. Still, he'll remember this other name.) "Mucha looked for things that might explain her actions, but he's not sure. Guess it's harder to get into a terrorist's head than looking at their To-witter. Either way, I appreciated the effort." Why is Boss so interested in her motivations, anyway? It's not like she's threatening Boss Ramen, so... is there something else?
Boss is used to hearing other people's hardships, but his "guard" is a little down. Still, though, he hears Liam out. "Hey, not everyone's willing to just say when they're feeling down. Watching yourself improve is a lot better than just hoping it happens on its own, I think." Boss takes a bite of his ramen. "Anything particular you want off your chest?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sayaka and the PPL professors had me add a whole bunch of safety features to Borot, so we shouldn't be taking quite so many scrapes as we used to." Even this many years on, Boss is still used to "are you okay?" meaning "you alive in there?" in a pile of scrap metal. It takes him a second to realize what Liam really means.
"...Ah. Well, I'm not so bothered by losing, but... I really thought I was helping, you know? And I don't mean in how hard I could hit. But..." a sigh. "Well, it's not like I can have Altryone over for ramen and a talk. Only so much I can do, there."
<Pose Tracker> Liam 7-020 has posed.
"Oh no, go ahead," Liam says, with another of those smiles he probably couldn't have managed two years ago. "I think Mucha's looking out for you," he offers a moment later, a little soberly. "You three always seemed really close to me. I'm glad." Liam's life has been defined by loss. What would it be like to have that kind of bond?
Liam listens as Boss lays out what he knows about Asciel. His lips tighten. "Makes sense," he says. "First time I ran into her was when she hit the PPL. That was when Koji and Sayaka showed me that huge Mazinger." Focusing on her motive, though... Liam respects that on both a tactical level and an empathetic one.
"Well," Liam says, at the offer to talk further. "The Division Train operation took... a lot more out of me than I thought it would." Liam says. "We... had to stop by Mars to refuel and resupply. And, honestly, to reestablish contact." And, on a more personal note, Liam's got a girlfriend, a bluenette named Lucine. Isn't she Martian? "It was a heck of a thing. The stakes were... well. Probably wouldn't have been an Earth Sphere left if Triple Zero's victims pulled their plan off." He glances sidelong at a shadow by the door. "Not just them, too."
Liam still sees the man in black in his nightmares.
"But... everything that happened there led to a tipping point. Leina told me, to my face, that I needed therapy, and she wasn't wrong. Couldn't keep convincing myself to just man up and get through it because I was scared of doctors." There's an admission. Liam eats another spoonful of broth, and then a third. "Do you think you made things worse?" he asks. "With Atrytone. By acting."
<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.
Liam's reassurance allows Boss to push past his moment of unease; seeing a smile always warms him up, too. "He and Nuke have been with me for ages. We had our disagreements when we were younger, sure, but we've always had each other's backs. I don't think we've have made it more than a few minutes piloting Borot if we didn't." Some amount of a smile returns to Boss's lips. "I can't give everyone who walks through my doors a connection that close, but it's important to me that I'm always a friendly face."
Boss has heard of that attack on the PPL, but he didn't associate it with a name before now. "That was her? I didn't know she was doing things so close by..." He considers this for a moment. That might mean he gets another chance to talk to her - but would that even be a good thing? "Well, if she tries to pull that again, this time I'll be ready for her. The PPL's basically my old home - I won't let anyone try to wreck it."
"I can imagine. No stopping at home to rest with that." Boss has met Lucine before, but he doesn't know she's Martian. A nostalgic type like Boss, though, puts a lot of value on having a cozy place to return to; he doesn't envy having to give that up for the length of the expedition. "I'd love if these bad guys - or bad... energies? - would chill out on those stakes. We'd both fight for the world if we had to, but it'd be a lot easier if we were fighting for one city in easy walking distance. Not that that's any less important, of course."
Boss takes another bite of ramen, hearing Liam describe going to therapy. "That's the right call. Sometimes people tell me I'm like a therapist, and I'm flattered and all, but I always tell them they should go find a real one if they think they need it. It's not something you can just 'kind of' get from somewhere else. Having trouble with doctors makes it harder for sure, but if you need the help, you gotta go get it."
After making some progress on his own food, Liam asks The Question. Boss has thought it over, on his own and with his partners, and he's pretty sure he has an answer. It still weighs on him, though, and perhaps a fresh set of eyes will do him good. After a deep breath, Boss responds.
"Well, at first, I definitely thought so. ALtryone was saying some stuff about 'humanity' and 'spirit', and I sort of went into speech-giving mode when I heard that. I didn't even know she was an AI then - Sayaka told me after - but I've seen the Mazinger pilots give enemies enough talks about willpower and stuff that I know it works. I haven't fought anyone with thoughts and feelings since opening Boss Ramen, so this was my first time after I started being someone people came to to talk about things. So I thought it'd be just like doing both of those at once! Tell 'em off like they're a villain and listen to them like they're a customer at the same time. That's why I used Rocket Punch, actually; I wanted to remind Altryone of Koji's fight with Hell, assuming she'd seen any screen in the world at the time, to show her what people can do."
"Clearly, though, it didn't work. She answered me like I was trying to trick her, make her feel worthless, and she tossed my attack right back at me - but you saw that part." Boss even breaks eye contact to look away for a moment, here - not a thing he does often. "At that moment, I thought she might've been right. I've fought a lot of baddies who need more punching than talking, and I thought I might've acted like she was one of them. Nuke and Mucha don't think that's it, but that it's more like I'm taking myself for granted. I gave Altryone a lot of things to think about, but I didn't tell her why she should think about them. I just assumed that, if I did good enough at showing her the truth, she'd accept it."
Boss looks back into Liam's eyes. "So to answer your question, I don't know. Maybe she went home - wherever 'home' is for her - and thought about it. Maybe it's just given her a little of that idea. But as far as she says, I didn't make it any better, and there's no guarantee I'll get another go." He glances at both bowls of ramen: Liam's has gotten smaller than his, while he's been busy talking. "I've been wondering if I even should give it another go. I won't refuse to fight her, but maybe I can't talk her out of whatever she wants from going around threatening people."
<Pose Tracker> Liam 7-020 has posed.
"Yeah," Liam says, his brow furrowed in concern. "Thought it might've been a smash-and-grab at first--they made off with some of the lab's alloys--but then Lieutenant Kabuto--" Shiro, for those who know him better-- "Mentioned someone broke in deeper. And that was... when the doctors took me to see it."
Liam sets down the spoon and picks up the chopsticks. He scoops up some noodles between them and eats, enthusiastically but politely. He had no idea how to use chopsticks when he first escaped, but he learned! "God, yes," is his response to Boss hoping the Cosmic Evil chills out for a bit. The shared sentiment makes it a bit easier to open up. "I... had bad experiences with doctors. Think Koji and Sayaka helped me open to the idea, but medical doctors..." Liam trails off. Regret settles inside him. What would have happened if he'd gotten help earlier?
He interrupts the thought, and breathes. What matters is he's getting help now.
Liam listens as Boss explains what happened, from his perspective. There's no judgment in his gaze--just attention, and increasing understanding. "Like you said, you didn't know what she was. You didn't have any context, going in, beyond whatever Sayaka told you. I think your heart was in the right place, but you didn't know enough about her. And the way she was talking couldn't have made things easier."
Liam shakes his head. "She needs therapy. But like you said, you're... not a therapist. There's only so much you can do, especially when the person you're trying to help is also trying to hurt you." Liam's eyes darken with pain. "I think you're showing a lot more, ah, awareness about this than I might. I'd probably just blame myself and wallow in it. But." Breathe. "You're asking what you could do better. And you know more about her, where she's coming from. Most people wouldn't even think of her as a person after finding out what she was, you know?"
<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.
The idea of Altryone stealing the PPL's resources is worrying for sure. "Hopefully it's not enough that they can start making their own. Last thing we need is 'bad guy Mazingers' becoming the new trend." After all, not everyone will make the same choice between God and Devil... even if they might not actually want to literally make another Bad Guy Mazinger. "Sayaka works hard to run the place, too. She doesn't deserve to have her work stolen."
Being the owner of a ramen restaurant, Boss naturally has excellent chopsticks skills. Even if he doesn't eat exclusively his own ramen, it certainly looks as though he did. It's a matter of pride for him.
Answering Liam about his fear of doctors puts Boss a little more in his comfort zone; this is what he's good at. "Well, everyone's got some fears, but not everyone has them the same amount or for the same reasons. And some things are less convenient to be scared of than others. Still, though, if it's not insurmountable for you, that means you can keep making progress until you get where you want to be." It's a a slightly simplistic view, but an optimistic one, and Boss wholeheartedly believes it.
Boss goes silent for a minute after he finishes explaining how he feels about the fight, while he listens to Liam's thoughts on it. "I'm pretty confident in where my heart's at - although it's nice of you to say. It's more of where my brain's at, whether I can get where my heart's at to her." Even while considering his own situation, he catches onto Liam's mood dropping immediately. Boss is about to speak after his deep breath, but he continues, so Boss waits for him to finish.
"I don't think you should worry about 'awareness' - at least not right this second. I feel like I owe it to anyone I'm trying to help to do my best, but that's only because I choose to help them. The first reason we were there was to protect the hostages - and we did. I think it's good that you want to do more, but you should pace yourself before you try doing that in the middle of a fight."
With Boss's response to Liam addressed, he allows his thoughts to turn inwards. "I think I can live with myself for not doing perfectly. I don't feel good about it, but I know I won't feel that way forever. It's not just about doing the bare minimum, though..." as he thinks of "what Altryone is", he seems almost... angry? It's clearly not directed at Liam, but it's another emotion Boss doesn't often express these days. "I don't feel good about myself just because I think a person's a person. Some people want to treat "humanity" like it's an exclusive club, and they're a bunch of cowards." His eyebrows shift - a touch less angry and a touch more pained. "I feel like I might have come off that way to her. I'll tell anyone how great the human spirit is, but it's not because I think no one else can have anything like it. Heck, I've known animals I think are as important as any human."
As he says this, his eyes briefly flick over to a far corner of the restaurant. It's obstructed such that neither person has a direct line of sight from where they're sitting, but in that direction is a shelf with various objects displayed. Among them, a small 3D printed statue of a crow with glasses.
Boss clears his throat. "The point is, I think it's clearing a low bar. I think it's better I be there than someone who doesn't even clear it, but I'm not sure it's enough just because I do."
<Pose Tracker> Liam 7-020 has posed.
"Agreed," Liam says. "On both counts." Sayaka's worked tremendously hard, and fought Dr. Hell's armies when half her allies were elsewhere in the solar system. He respects her. And he's coming to newfound respect for Boss, too--not that he didn't before, but he just didn't know him that well. An old war hero, a friend of Koji's, and the proprietor of the best damn ramen shop in Fujinomiya. He still feels like he owes Sayla something for introducing him to the place.
"Yeah," Liam says. "I've done things I didn't know I could do. Like the surgeries. But I did them. And even if it's not... everything getting better all at once, it's still better." He smiles, then scoops up the last bits of the broth.
From there, he lets Boss explain his feelings, and think out loud. "I think you're right," Liam adds. "'Human spirit' feels more and more like a misnomer. Maybe GGG's got the right idea in just calling it 'courage', even if that's... not exactly the same thing."
"So that's where the doubt's coming from, you think? You're trying, but you don't think it's enough? I think... Boss, that's been my entire life. You're not alone."
<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.
"It's a good thing you see it that way. For powering the entire city, there's a lot of people happy to complain about the PPL. I'm not saying everyone needs to send the place flowers once a week, but they deserve a little more gratitude."
Liam describes how he's making progress in what he's capable of, as he makes progress towards finishing his meal. Boss doesn't know what these surgeries are, but since they're apparently representative of "things Liam struggled with", he decides not to ask for the details. Instead he says "Yeah. I figure I know a lot about ups and downs, even if they weren't all particularly extreme. If I stayed down the first time I got knocked down, where would I be? Definitely not here." He pauses for a breath, but he doesn't seem bothered by it. "Honestly, even if there's a point where it flat-out isn't better, I think what matters is that you know it can get better. It's less important how fast you climb than it is that the stairs are there." For as much as Boss is trying to guide him, he's proud of Liam's own growth; even if they weren't particularly close before, he can tell that those stairs are there for him.
Boss gives serious consideration to the idea of "human spirit" being reductive. "Hmm. See, with Dr. Hell and the Myceneans, it was about proving that humans are important, not that there are 'others' that aren't. But we're not fighting the Myceneans anymore, and hopefully we're finally done with Hell too. It might be time for a change - or maybe it would've been better if we'd always thought that way."
He's not quite sure what to change it to, though. "If nothing else, I feel like that's 3G's 'thing.' If 'courage' became the Power Labs' favorite word, I think they'd get a sternly worded letter to get their own catchphrase." Now, at last, does Boss give a proper laugh - having this new idea in his head feels like a load off his back. "I do wonder what the Super AI think of this. Maybe 'soul', because I'm pretty sure they have those? Maybe you can ask one of them. Or maybe we just take the 'human' out of 'spirit'. There's options here, I think."
After Boss's more serious discussion of his self-doubts, Liam attempts to comfort him. "That's true. I know it's something a lot of people go through in one way or another. Feels different when it happens to me, though... although I guess that must be obvious, huh? You don't need me to tell you that"
Having Liam there, though, does something for Boss; it lets him think about it from an outside perspective. "Well, if you were the one telling me this... I'd say you shouldn't count yourself out. I was just saying it's important that things can get better, wasn't I? And it's like you said - doesn't have to be all at once." One more small chuckle - this one a little bittersweet. "I guess it's time I practice what I preach, huh? I wouldn't be setting much of an example if I just threw in the towel." He hasn't instantly turned his mood around, but Boss is starting to look towards regaining his confidence.
<Pose Tracker> Liam 7-020 has posed.
"It can get better," Liam echoes, and it's as much a reminder to himself as an agreement with Boss. "There's... people like me who have families now. Tetsuya and Jun. Captain York." He sets the chopsticks and napkin and spoon on his tray, making a neat little pile so there's a bit less cleanup. "Sometimes it's hard to see how I can get there, but... I don't know they didn't feel that same way, too."
Boss's laugh is contagious. Liam can't help but join in. "True," he says. "Building yourself up doesn't mean tearing others down. We'll... workshop it, is the phrase, I think?"
But ultimately, Boss called him here because they needed to talk, and--Liam suspects--because Boss needed somebody to talk to. "Yeah. A little at a time." His eyes shimmer with tears as he meets Boss's gaze. "Thanks for inviting me here, Boss. I think we both needed this."
<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.
Boss pauses when Liam mentions "having families." Even though he's not "like Liam" in the sense that he means, he does wonder... but that can be answered another time. He puts it aside. "I can't speak for this 'Captain York', but I can tell you Tetsuya was the furthest thing from a family man when I met him. Pretty far from a lot of social things, honestly. He had a road ahead of him, but he made it all that way. I wouldn't measure your progress in 'how close you are to having kids', but there's nothing wrong with taking some inspiration from people with similar experiences."
Boss is very pleased that Liam's mood is momentarily lightened enough to laugh along with him. "That's the one. Although I'd be surprised if all of society turned to me to choose the new words!" It would be nice if everyone followed Boss's lead, wouldn't it? But, as it is, he's happy just to improve himself.
Liam's got the right of it - this wasn't only important to one of them. Two empty bowls sit on the counter. Boss doesn't quite tear up, but he's significantly moved in his own way. "Anytime. And I think you're right about that. Hey, if things go well for us, maybe next time you'll be able to come during regular hours."
And have to pay for his own tonkutsu?? Well, some things require sacrifice.
Their conversation concluded, Boss sees Liam off with a smile. Once the door's closed, he picks up both dishes to put them in the kitchen. Where he discovers:
Mucha has gone home at some point after serving the ramen. How did he slip through unnoticed...? Meanwhile, Nuke is sleeping in a chair. Must've been a long day. Once Boss washes those two bowls, he'll wake him up and help him get home. As Boss turns on the water, he starts humming to himself.