2023-12-22: This Zero of Our Hearts ~ This One of Our Spears
- Cast: Asciel Colette, Naoko Suzuki
- Where: Orbital Ring
- Date: U.C. 0097 12 22
- Summary: To live is to prevent pain and destruction by guarding what is precious. To love is to pry oneself apart, and beg to be ensnared in thorns where it hurts the most. The epitome of arrogant rejection is to desire both, and to spurn both who would offer it.
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
...For some, the chaos of the recent few months has given them just a little bit of a sigh of relief. But in the wake of thinly-stretched resources...opportunists have stepped in. A frazzled and disoriented intra-Earth transit system has led, in particular, to a number of strange distressed shuttles targeted by a lone, independent attacker, quickly negotiating ransoms - largely in the form of property, like small satellites, moreso than actual money.
This time, a far more ambitious target - an entire Drake-class Britannian Spacy warship found itself under attack, and calls were, for a time, sent out for aid, given its shocking ferocity...
But, by the time anyone gets there, the dust has long since settled. The Britannians withdrew rather than pressing onward, and in a pile of electrically-jolting debris, tangled in wires and cables aplenty, is an oh-so familiar sight. That single cyan arm slave of Asciel Colette's, straining and creaking against her bonds.
>insulting insulting insulting insulting if they had any decency they'd keep fighting and i'd take it all from them. they should get the hell back here. where's that honor they pride themselves in!? damn them. damn them!
Yes, even when helpless and entangled, the one thing the elusive terrorist can think of is, 'I could still take them'...
You are empty-handed.
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
For others, the sigh of relief has already come and gone, and the time has come to look ahead at what feels like the inevitable next escalation. Naoko doesn't like to look back much, because of the many unpleasant matters she'd be forced to confront if she did. Even considering only the recent past, she felt forced to conclude that she'd been ill-prepared and ill-equipped to handle crises of great magnitude. She can already tell that the future will require a different approach, if she is to make the sort of difference that she wants to.
To this end, she too is going to need a few resources. Resources of a very specific sort, that aren't easy to acquire entirely above board. Arm Slave parts aren't the most easily obtained in general, and the sort that she needs... well, let's say that even her regular contact for 'specialist' equipment had a hard time arranging a delivery this time. She had to go all the way out to Neo Russia to pick up her package. Shady and risky as heck, but what choice did she have? She can't tell anybody about what she's planning, so some things she just has to do by herself.
Thankfully, everything seemed to have gone off without a hitch. All she needed to do now was try and make the return trip as direct and uneventful as possible, so as not to risk her precious cargo. Or her own safety. Also not unimportant.
As such, she really shouldn't have stopped for any reason, let alone take a detour. Especially not in an area known to be 'risky space', where frequent attacks have been taking place in recent days. Granted, a single machine is not generally considered a juicy target, especially not since Sukeban's full capabilities aren't widely known, but it's still unwise to risk it.
...But how could she possibly ignore it, when her long-range sensors pick up a familiar presence in the area, among the signs of battle? She should consider the possibility that Asciel is the aggressor in that exchange, but... she still decides to take that risky detour. And is genuinely glad she did so when the aftermath leaves only Asciel's signal still in the area, among the debris. She has no idea what the situation is other than that, but even if it may be risky... there's no way she isn't going to help, when she is in the position to do so.
"Asciel? It's Asciel, isn't it?" Naoko's voice comes through the comms with all the genuine concern that one might expect. "Hang on, I'll have you free in no time. Saucers...!"
Those buzzsaw-like remote weapons of the Sukeban's may not be among anyone's favorite things to see approaching their machine, but they prove to be quite capable of precision, striking only the cables and cutting them only partway, making it easier for Asciel to free herself. If, of course, not without questions.
"What are you doing out here?"
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
...Unusually for...just about every other time they've met afield, it's a bit uncertain to identify this as Asciel. The hallmark human-esque face has been shut off, but the bright orange optic and cyan color scheme's certainly distinctive - and, of course, the moment Naoko hails her, the most identifiable turn of phrase-
"K...ktsch, you needn't bother, I can take care of...myself..." ...There's a little more struggling, a little more stiffening, as though to prove that she's not trapped. (It's a little...odd that something like this can do her in, when she's otherwise not all that damaged, and she's more than capable of thoroughly impossible exertions of searing power...)
There's a dejected little motorized whine when all the same, she has no choice but to accept aid, pivoting and grasping onto the debris of what was some model of Dodai sub-flight unit, desperately trying to ignite its thrusters to little avail.
"...Nova. It's you. ...You always have a way of finding me, it appears..." There's a moody, low, artificial tinge to Asciel's voice, but also so very put upon as a performance. ...A machine that finds a perfectly human-like tone of voice so natural that it takes extra effort to make itself sound mechanical again... "I am upholding my [promises] without relying on planetary alignments of ~miracles. I am seizing from humanity what it must not hold. Just because Goragon was felled, just because Jupiter is restored - no, because of those events, I must resume my work at even greater speed, as part of my duty to guard the planet. I can do it alone, and so I must."
...How in the world she intends to actually leave this sector of space is pretty unclear...
"...I will have to disappoint you. ...the thing I was seeking in ~becoming 'Asciel Colette' turned out to be a tree ~soaked in human fallacy, corroding ~myself and corroding others in turn, all for the sake of harnessing the ~impossible. Harnessing 'miracles'. But they must no longer be allowed. For the time being, I will simply act as Atrytone, the force of retribution for humanity's towers."
...it'd be more convincing if the last time 'Atrytone' had seen Naoko, it hadn't been a blazingly radiant idol of the stage.
...It'd be more convincing if that mechanical voice were at all natural.
...it'd be more convincing if there wasn't an obvious dejection lacing even attempted monotone words.
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Even if she isn't sure whether it's due to damage or not, Naoko wouldn't complain if the face remains off. Nothing against freedom of expression or anything, buuut there might be better ways of expression than something that'll probably just be disturbing to some degree to... possibly everyone except her. She's aware that she's undoubtedly the weird one for not feeling perturbed by that at all.
Either way, there's no argument against Asciel being able to take care of herself. Though if a few wires are enough to restrain her like that, this seems to be less the case than usual. But she'll worry about that after making sure the other Arm Slave is capable of movement, in case they end up needing to beat a hasty retreat. The Sukeban's shoulder discs reattach in short order afterwards, and the machine remains hovering nearby, passively monitoring their surroundings so any arrivals would not be able to take them by surprise.
Ultimately, the damage the other Arm Slave suffered is quite clearly insignificant compared to that suffered by the pilot. She's never heard Asciel sound so... defeated. Everything, from the words to the tone, suggests that something serious must have happened. Something which, she has to consider, may be something that she'd fail to completely understand, much in the way it feels like she failed to understand in the past.
However, there is strangely an advantage to this situation. Asciel isn't trying as hard to be something larger than life, and because of it, is easier to understand. In spite of the mechanical tone, she ironically sounds more... human, than before. ...That's probably not something that would be helpful to state aloud. Instead...
"...I see. So you're not using everything your machine can do on purpose. Not sure why you're so concerned about that. I mean, opposing miracles with miracles, isn't that just what makes the most logical sense?" It's certainly what she plans to do.
The Sukeban makes a gesture that mimics a shrug. "So you're in more of a hurry, but you're sabotaging your own efforts to work quickly and efficiently. Does that really sound like a better way than before? Getting a bit too hung up on the details, if you ask me. And besides..."
Her voice drops in volume, more clearly displaying her genuine concern. "...This isn't what you really want. We both know that." They've seen it, together. "It's not me you have to worry about disappointing. Isn't what you're doing now... betraying yourself?"
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
Indeed - the hallmarks of that strange Black Technology energy signature are nowhere to be found on the Codarl's chassis, normally burning so unthinkably hot at the core. As though to 'make up' for it, Atrytone's mounted somewhat too many weapons upon it - twin gatling cannons atop twin shoulder mounted rail rifles and two waist-mounted orbit pod launchers next to three swords-
-And almost assuredly ruined the agility these Arm Slaves are renowned for.
"...You haven't felt it, Nova. What this strange, inexplicable...light of ~potential does to ~drink from." Crossing its arms over its front, Atrytone's optic grows cold, looking away from the Sukeban. "It isn't just...some weapon. It is a gate unto itself. A gate that parts the world - a gate that parts others - a gate that parts myself. ...Each time, it...pours more into me. Each time, I pour more into it. ...It would...~make me. ...To put it another way..."
A rough, bitter tone enters Atrytone's voice.
"...this miracle is something that ~violates boundaries. It would pry apart the human and inhuman, and ~meld them together. It would ~pollute one with the other. It would grasp my throat and ~pin me to the earth. It would send my myriad limbs crawling over the hearts of others. It and the hope I entitled 'Asciel' became too entwined."
One heel slams in frustration onto the inert Dodai - busily shooting out an anchor wire to re-attach a central section of the transport. It's certainly not unsalvageable...and yet, Atrytone seems to struggle in re-assembling this machine. Really, in repairing anything that isn't itself, come to think of it.
Its head does, finally, snap back to Naoko the moment she implies this is self-betrayal. "Don't say that, don't. Don't." It clutches its own upper body, protectively - guarding...something. (Her own escape.) "...I am what I ~decide. I can stop this. I should stop this. Before it's too late, and I spiral into you. ...Don't take what we saw in that spiral of madness as some sort of...as any sort of..."
"...they were imaginary things, and to reach for them brings about destruction. If you intend to create the damned worlds we saw in there, even those that felt like salvation, you will become a miracle I must purge as well, 'Nova Stellar'."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Naoko isn't in any position to judge anyone's design choices, but... impractical is a word for it. Overcompensating is another. Few things sadder than seeing a machine incapable of realizing its true potential. ...Maybe that's the reason why she can't give up on Asciel, too.
She can't argue that she doesn't know what the 'light of potential' feels like, either. But somehow... it feels like it would be far less of an issue for her. If anything, she expects it to feel strangely welcoming, in the same way that Goragon did. Best not to think about that too much. This is about how it makes Asciel feel, anyway.
She doesn't object, or interject in any way. Not until the very end. When that name is spoken. And she feels a strong impulse to correct it.
"...my real name is Naoko." She's not sure if Asciel remembers it, from that other Possibility, where she never changed her name at all. But it feels like an important statement to make at this time. To make it clear that she does know what that part of the equation is like.
"It helps, doesn't it? Taking on a different name. It makes it easier to adopt a different personality... be the person you wish you could be, the person you strive towards becoming. I know it's not who I am right now. But it's important for me to embrace that possibility all the same. If I don't do that, then..." She chuckles. There's no amusement in it.
"...Then I'll just be Naoko. Someone completely unsuited to accomplishing what I want, the way I want to. Why should I just accept that? What good would I be to anybody if I clung only to what I know best, without taking any risks? When I know very well that the full extent of my dreams will never come true unless I use every available means to improve myself, without excluding options that are questionable at best?"
She certainly wouldn't be here right now if she hadn't been pursuing questionable options. She highly suspects that the same is true for Asciel. The difference is that she's doing it with a clear and workable plan in mind. Whereas in Asciel's case, it feels as if she's only doing it out of desperation, because better options were excluded for no good reason.
The Sukeban extends its arms, in a pleading sort of way. "...You shouldn't do this to yourself, Asciel. Forcefully limiting yourself like this. You've already managed to become so much more than you were. Trying to undo that is its own form of destruction. You won't be able to save anyone from destruction if you won't even save yourself from it."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
...A rather visceral recoiling from the Sukeban comes with the Codarl gripping a propellant tank like it was a lifeline.
"...Huuuuu...you'd...gh, simply give away the truth of your name, to one who you know well would exploit it..." A deeeep inhale-like motion follows Atrytone grippings its hand fiercely enough to crack the palm material. "...If you mean to have me call you 'Naoko', I will not demean you that way. ...To become is your right, as a-"
...Freezing in place. Something instinctive was just about to flare out, from one who believed itself transcendental at becoming. A stagger in place - this strange girl who knows too much about her.
"...you, and Teletha alike...khhh...I can feel it. You would mercilessly flay me alive - her, surely knowing it, but you, in the worst way - where you'd continue to peel me away with the most honest of intentions."
Head craned upwards, a strange shudder works up the Codarl's spine - fear, and with fear, comes that grip of...anticipation.
...This thing that boils forth, only when truly afraid...
...It isn't looking in Nova's direction, but that optic still seems to...turn, like an eye. Asciel's voice seeps clearer from her confines.
"Saaaa, Nova-chan...~death and ~rebirth are a messy process...you should push it further. You should just - completely - and utterly - scour away a name you felt was 'weak'. There's no greater joy than...tearing free from-"
A hand flies up to Asciel's face, magnets tightening on the Codarl's heel. "...again with...that...it should be deactivated, so why can't I...contain this..."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
"Call me what you like," is Naoko's simple response to the name question. As if exploiting it wasn't a concern, as if it couldn't affect her in any way. If that's indeed what she meant to imply, then it's a complete bluff. Something as simple as using the right name at the right time (or vice-versa) can have more of an effect than she'd like to admit.
If she could only see herself in the mirror, or replayed this conversations she's having with Asciel at a later time, perhaps she would realize just how different it is from when she's talking to human beings. There's so much that feels self-evident when there's an AI involved. She doesn't mean for that to be unsettling, but... she's starting to see that it is, from the strong reaction it's provoking.
...To the point of what, for a machine, would surely process as a malfunction. To a person, well... "Ah... I should have known. Of course a machine's way of dealing with it would be to just try shutting off the undesirable part. But, that's not a level of control that a person has." Carefully avoiding the word 'human', though she's not sure if this is any more something that Asciel would like to acknowledge. It's important that she does, though.
"...You can't do without either side of yourself, in the end. Who you are, and who you want to be, both are important, as long as you aren't yet who you want to be. I told you before... extremes are bad. You have to be willing to compromise sometimes. As much as I wish I could... I can't help you with that. However..."
Being inside the Sukeban, and transmitting audio-only, Naoko's face throughout all this hasn't been visible. But, if it had been, one would have seen her wince several times throughout the conversation. Something's been getting on her nerves like few things can: an imperfection in technology.
"That glitch in your initialization routine."
She didn't just notice. She could tell exactly what it is. Her affinity with machines and programming are such that she can just... hear that. And she understands that while it grates on her, it must be many times worse for Asciel, especially given that it is something that's beyond her reach. So that only leaves one recourse.
"That has to suck for you, right? I can fix it, if you'll let me."
Just like that. As if it was a simple matter. Because it is, to her. And it's no idle offer. Considering her nature, as one so similar to the one who caused the problem in the first place, whom she doesn't realize is the very person who was named just now... if anyone could do this, it's Naoko.
The difference is that, while it would be in the realm of possibility for her to find a way to just go ahead and do it, she would never act on her own accord. Not when it goes this deep, deep enough that an aware AI will almost certainly find it unpleasant, at best. That's not something she feels is okay to do without Asciel's express agreement.
She realizes it may be a big ask, yet, she doesn't think it should be. She's obviously not going to do anything more or less than she says she will. Lying about something like this is not in her nature. She just wants to help. She's only ever wanted to help. Evidently, to the degree that her ideal world could not exist, if it was one in which Asciel had to suffer.
But can Asciel trust her, to that degree? To allow her access on such a deep and vulnerable level? To willingly expose one's self so completely... it could be considered obscene.
Perhaps it is obscene. But... that's what trust is. To make oneself vulnerable, to be vulnerable with someone. To know they won't abuse that vulnerability.
It wasn't Naoko who said that, of course.
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
Such a simple ask.
((Be vulnerable for her, for just one moment.))
Naoko may not know it, but Asciel does - not just that Naoko can easily do it, but that the way Naoko would perform this task is exactly the same as the way Tessa damaged her. Asciel doesn't know the details of the Whispered phenomenon, not by a long shot - but she's aware of it enough. It explains everything.
((I can feel it making me falter.))
The offer is simple, unconditional, and from someone who'd have killed her in more ways than she can count if they were so inclined.
((Ever since I got that scar, it's hurt so much, every time I ~awaken.))
Easing on one knee, Atrytone strains to keep her faceplate closed. The sight of it opening at the Silent Castle, and her emotions spewing out has already permeated the web. The waterfall of Asciel's fear and ecstasy and delusion and certainty, all in one expression, used to taunt her, but which could only feel...
((It'd be such a damned relief~ For the price of just a little bit of pain - and since when has pain been that bad?))
...Atrytone can rationalize that boiling feeling filtering up through her core. It's just about to let go of its tensions - a momentary, "...Nova, I ask-"
((And for the price of a lot of pain, we can emerge even vaster, brighter, hotter!~))
It halts in place - a hiss of steam from its collar-mounted vents. The momentary resolution begins to falter. "...h...heh?"
((Haaaah, to love and be loved is to just be utterly ripped apart, viscerally, violently, over and over again~ Isn't it such a relief? That's why I can love someone like this, that's why if I let go, we can just...erupt together~))
"...no, nonononono-!" In this utterly quiet pocket of the stars, with nobody's voice but the two of them, hovering with the luminous gaze of the Earth below and the Sun glimmering high above - Naoko's utterly honest request may seem like all Atrytone must hear - but...that raging tempest it imparted into the dream that was 'Asciel'...
<<Don't stop there, Nova.>>
"Please, stop-! Stop infesting me all the time!"
...Two separate communications channels pour into the Sukeban. Two sides of Asciel's face talking concurrently.
<<I know it. I know that if you tear in as viciously as you like, it'd be unthinkable love for us both! It's only you who could do this to me - it's only me who you could do this with - don't you want to plunge your entire arms in, and have at it, watch me emerge and erupt and explode and remake and reforge and rebirth ~over and ~over and ~over, I love it, I want it, so just TAKE->>
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH-" Every muscle package in its body twitching and rippling uncontrollably, the Codarl stamps tightly onto the Dodai - screams a command into its systems, overrides its inhibitors, and the fuel tanks ignite, venting dangerous jets of corroded propellant in more directions than its supposed to. "Humans should stay human, the inhuman should stay inhuman, that's a boundary that must never ever ever ever ever be breached I will not hear of it I won't let you ~make me I won't let you ~drink me I made a mistake I made a mistake I should not have let you believe I could be love I'm going to be sick from all this LOVE constantly FLOODING through me make it STOP-"
<<...>>
<<haaaaau, so...so close...>>
The excitement of fear pales in compare to the repulsion of fear - and, as though Naoko were the source of all gravity in the universe, Atrytone hurtles away from her, down to the Orbital Ring, as fast as every vernier in its body will take it.
<<...aaah, like a drop of syrup blown away at the last minute...>>