2023-10-10: .so She blinded me to the profanity of their abominatioN
- Log: .so She blinded me to the profanity of their abominatioN
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Elisa Kafim
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2023-10-10
- Summary: Yuliana wakes after days of slumber, in communion with the Empress at the End of All Things. Once her blindness fades, she's able to share her revelations about the Whispered with Elisa -- and brush her hair in the process. Yuliana tries to cope with the realisation that the people she murderously loathes are children, while Elisa promises to keep Yuliana safe from the REA's grasp. (CW: Eldritch horror)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhEHhNxkYMo Florence + The Machine - Cassandra
When Yuliana was retrieved from her legless machine, half-mad and raving, she managed to tell Elisa this much: "Our garden grows." Even this much sense was a battle; exposed to those unknown creatures' abominations, her mind is discordant and flighty, her gaze fixed on points Elisa is not blessed to see.
"You are well," she said, to Shari, when she was retrieved just the same. "Sharochka, thank God you are well! I tried to retrieve protect you, but they confounded me!" She's so upset over it all; these days, Yuliana cares very much that Shari isn't harmed. She gives her a hard time, of course, but she never wanted to abandon her to their enemies...!
"Ripped to pieces it should be is not nothing there around them yawning deep to tatters tearing I cannot abide it why, why, why?!"
Most of what she says, you see, is... less coherent.
And soon she says nothing at all, as she falls to slumber. It is the deep sleep of Communion, not the light and troubled rest native to Yuliana's experience, and it stretches on for days. Elisa is skilled at rousing her from this state, but when Yuliana wakes, she is completely incoherent; Elisa is able to perform the most basic care of her mortal flesh, tasks like feeding her and watering her and administering her medications, but they must be crushed into the jelly of her sustenance to avoid her asphyxiating on the input. Neither is she roused for long, before she sleeps again.
The Empress demands Yuliana's audience in Her court, and She will not be denied.
It is a blessed agony -- all written in her quiet moans and whimpers, the twisting grimace of her lips, the tightening of her brow, the way her fingers aimlessly grasp and grip. Her care and Her attention have ever been... difficult to appreciate, from a mortal perspective. But to receive Her wisdom, to know Her hunger, Her desires...
It is something Elisa must witness from afar. Only Yuliana is so privileged as to be chosen, to be drawn into Her embrace without days of ritual and meditation and sacrifice. Only for Yuliana is it so... easy.
Not that Her presence could ever be described in that particular way.
But in time she wakes; she always does. Her fingers tighten, again, against Elisa's cloths -- for she is eased, however lightly, when Elisa's arms surround her -- and she draws a tight breath in, huddling closer to her. When her eyes open, they do not focus, but stare blankly through her wife. "This are not two different world," she says, tense all muddled. "Think not a place apart us. Here I am. We can't reach through. Tear and tatter! Spread roots Your fingers reach and grasp, a thousand arms embrace creation. Synchronise harmonise consume. Where I am is where You are. Displaced. Displacer. Water slipping through grasped fingers. Transgression ought flow. All sins repaid. Cry not! Through Me, all offence suffered answered, all promised punishment!"
And all this time she does not look at Elisa, though her eyes are open.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
...Less coherent. Elisa knows how to handle that much, at least. Or she would, if not for Yuliana falling to that deep sleep. This requires a different handling, and so she does it. She is able to take care of her, yes, but she does not like this waiting. She must avoid giving her a situation in which she will wake to distress, as well.
The Empress demands her...
Elisa waits. There is little other choice for the moment. Chosen or not, witness or not, there is only what is.
But Elisa is there, when Yuliana wakes. And there, the wisdom comes.
"Not a different world?" Elisa wonders. "Perhaps not. To reach, not a place apart, but to tear... Yes. To make the same. To harmonize. Displacement, the slip of water..."
Yes, yes, she can nearly understand it.
"My Yuliana," Elisa says. "I have received this message. Return to me. And tell me of what you have Seen."
"Return to me, my darling."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana speaks and knows not. She brings Her wisdom to this Earth, but Her dizzying logic is difficult enough to speak with human tongue; she understands nothing but what she has felt.
She understands...
She is Elisa's; she is Elisa's, and her wife is calling to her, calling her to return. Her brow knits. Her face turns. Still she does not focus on Elisa's eyes, green as her own envy.
"Elya?" She asks, voice high and whining, as her hands feel for Elisa, grasp her shoulders. "Elya, I cannot see you!" Her voice raises higher in its distress, but Elisa can see the way her eyes are reactive to light, as her head turns to an angle which catches the light of the fireplace warming their bedroom. Her eyes still work. She just can't...
"She took my eyes," Yuliana whimpers, "that I would not be forced to look upon such profane creatures." And she feels that all of herself must be leaking from her sockets, but they are just tears, weighing down her lashes and sinking down her cheeks.
This isn't the first time Yuliana's experienced conversion symptoms like these. The loss of her eyes, the loss of her ears, the loss of her limbs. The feeling always passes, as this world asserts itself over the truth, but her fear doesn't listen to that experience.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa will research, will commune, will pore over these words and their potential meaning. But not now. Now, Elisa will call back her wife, and she notices that lack of focus...
Yes, she can see it.
"And yet I am here," Elisa says, reaching to place hands about Yuliana's shoulders, that she can feel her presence with her senses.
"Your vision will return," Elisa assures Yuliana. "As your other senses have. You did not need mundane vision to see Her, but you will have it again soon. In this..."
Hm. Perhaps not 'this world'.
"Come. Shh. Be still, and you will see."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Elya, I--I'm scared," Yuliana's voice hitches, as blindly does she clutch at Elisa -- at a fur about her shoulders, thinking it part of her. "Please, I..." What if She's changed her, again? What if her form was yet unpleasing to Her? Worms in her eyesockets, twisting, tasting...
No, no, Elisa says it will return. She just didn't need it. "Elya," Yuliana says, again, needy and helpless. But she is still, though she trembles, in Elisa's comforting grasp; blinking, lips twisting, the pressure breaking so like grief.
Blink... blink... blink.
And finally the most important shape in existence resolves, first with the blocky edges of Elisa's features, sharp ears, long hair, dark skin. Slowly, Yuliana's gaze does orient to her wife, searching hungrily for the details of her own face, the severe curve of her cheek, her lips, her green, green eyes. Finally her hand can lift properly, to cup her cheek, confirm her there in space. "Elya," she repeats, again, and her relief breaks like grief just the same. "Elya, you are here? Elya... oh, Elya, I was so frightened I'd never see you again..!"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"I know," Elisa says, gently. "You fear. It is natural." She is needy, and helpless, and Elisa's expression is soft, softer than ever. She waits, though. She waits, and holds her wife, until...
There. Her gaze orients.
"I am here," Elisa says. "I am here, and you can see me. There is no need to fear any longer."
"I have cared for you, these past few days. And it has been days; you have been deep in Communion..."
Elisa strokes Yuliana's cheek. "But you are here now."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana is afraid, but her wife is here. Elisa will take care of her; she always has. She knows this, even as she trembles. Even if she never sees again...
But she does -- or perhaps it is more right to say She allows her. "Oh," Yuliana sighs, her expression collapsing to affection, grateful and relieved and fragile as spun silk as she listens to Elisa explain it all.
And her eyelids flutter, face turning into Elisa's fingertips as she nuzzles at her touch. "Days...! Oh, Elya, forgive me, I don't remember a thing. I hope I wasn't difficult..." She wasn't combative, at least, though she wasn't much help. "I know only that I grew distracted, at times... She is so patient, Elya. Waiting to... to show me..."
Her expression grows drawn and troubled, as she tries to parse what she has Seen, what truths unveiled to her. But if she could explain it coherently, the truth would not spill from her so raw and fierce; she hitches, and pauses, caught in her own cognition.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Always, Elisa will be here.
"You were not," the witch says. "I do not mind at all." She wouldn't have minded regardless, of course--but this was an easy time. "Yes. Despite the difficulty in understanding, She explains still. And your 'distraction' is important. Her words are vital. Her understanding, key."
Yuliana tries to parse it...
"Give it time," Elisa advises. "Explain what you can, but do not fret. You have already given me much to consider. Now that you are with me again, that is what matters most." That they are together. "Be at ease, my darling."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Always.
"It... it must have been..." Yuliana lingers, over the words. "Since... those distractions, they must have been you taking care of me, Elya." Not... caring for her. Yuliana still struggles to phrase it that way, after Dr. Petrov.
(Yuliana wonders, briefly, whatever happened to her. ... it's not important.)
"She said, iani:ash'iash, ah... our enemies..." What she said was 'nemeses', but it is difficult enough to wrangle those twisted words to something comprehensible. "I am trying to understand as She does, Elya," Yuliana insists, fingers curling by her jaw. "I am trying..."
And then she shakes her head, sinking forward to rest her forehead, gently, against Elisa's. "But you are right, of course," Yuliana murmurs, fingers reaching back to stroke through her hair. "I am with you... all is well. Oh..."
Her loving sigh is interrupted, though, as her fingers meet resistance. "... ah?" Yuliana asks, as she pauses her motion, and looks to Elisa despite how swimmingly close she is. "Zhenushka, were you so concerned with me that you did not stop to care for yourself? Your hair..." She's found a tangle.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
'Caring for her'. Yes, they can't have it that way.
"They must have been," Elisa agrees. Then... she considers. Enemies, nemeses... "I believe that you are," she says. "You are doing your best, and your insights are vital to us."
But Elisa holds Yuliana gently, and then--interruption? Elisa considers what that might be, until--
"...Ah," she says. "That must have been the case. I was busy..." She smiles, faintly. "My apologies, darling. I should keep myself in care, as well."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I promised," Yuliana says, gazing into her wife, when she speaks of her insights. She swore to be an obedient and insightful wife, for Elisa, and even an oathbreaker like her takes that seriously.
Yuliana smiles, to Elisa, all fond. "Oh, my darling... please, there is no need to apologise for this. Ah... Elya," she looks out past her, searching, "our brush...?"
She'll let Elisa actually fetch it instead of getting up herself, but she will at least push herself sitting up in the time it takes. "Come here..." she gestures, patting the bed, and once she has that brush in hand, she'll gently start working it through Elisa's great purple mane. "Oh, Elya, you have such beautiful hair," she sighs, and she is gentle, when she comes to the tangles which speak to her wife lying with her so long.
Able to express care for her wife in such a normal way may well centre her, because after a few minutes of brushing, she takes a breath to speak again. "I didn't understand Her, not fully," she says, at length. "Not to say She didn't want those creatures killed painfully, but... that is not all She wants, Elya. She wishes to control them... to keep them under heel. Though, I'm sure that's no less a punishment..." Her hands are still quite gentle, though, even speaking of the Whispered this way.
"I would never have guessed," she says, because she has never -- pointedly -- thought of Shari as objectionable. "I felt only Her overwhelming anger... I did not know She wished to use them. Ahh, I feel so foolish, now... if I'd known, I could have planted the flowers much more quickly and stolen that girl away...!"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
She did promise. Elisa smiles.
"Very well." Elisa will not keep apologizing, but instead rises to get the brush, and arranges herself with Yuliana after, calm and serene as regards the tangles. It is good that Yuliana is gentle... but Elisa would not complain if she were rougher, either; such things are distant. This is meditative for her, too, as well as affectionate.
It is nice...
"I see," Elisa answers. "Yes..."
She does know Shari is objectionable, of course. "Yes, that would make sense. They would be useful creatures to have on our side..." Like Shari, for instance. Shari, who has done much...
"There will be other opportunities," Elisa says comfortingly. "That girl in particular... Perhaps she would not have been as suited to our service as some others, regardless. We have little need of... bridges."
She closes her eyes, in relaxation. But she will not fall asleep.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Brush, brush, brush. Each stroke is long, and grows only longer as Yuliana works the tangles from Elisa's hair; Elisa, after all, has so MUCH hair to brush through. Yuliana may keep hers short, but Elisa's hair is a long, dark veil all its own.
"Beautiful," she breathes, again.
She's always admired her wife's hair... much like everything else about her.
"Would it be good to find one?" Yuliana wonders, and she, evidently, does not enter Shari into the calculus. She doesn't even think to wonder. "Would you like one, too, my darling?"
Brush, brush, brush... "But you are right, of course," Yuliana sighs. "It is not such a loss that I did not think to catch D'Cruze... she's done quite a lot for civil engineering, I suppose, but we do not need to build a new city. We have no need for smooth roads and sturdy towers. I hear they tried to set her on weapons development, and were soundly disappointed... no, someone like her would be worth only as much as her screams, I'm sure."
Yuliana does sound a little more cheerful, despite the content of her words, because they mean something important -- she didn't do anything wrong.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa relaxes still, and remains still, as Yuliana brushes. There is a small smile on her face for a moment; this sort of physicality is unusual for her, not her typical approach, but it is... Nice, for now.
"Oh, no. It is fine. I hardly need extra technology at this time. Between your engineering talents and little Shari's, we have many resources." She doesn't compare Shari to them, of course; it's more like she has talents, like Yuliana does. It's fine.
"Indeed," Elisa says. "That's all the use we would have for her. It is no trouble that they have her now. Let them build bridges and design cities. In the coming age, they will be useful."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Yes," Yuliana agrees, easily and warmly, as she brushes. She has ever taken Elisa into greater physicality; sensual and sensational, and now she connects with her wife's needs and care through the handle of their brush. (Of course they share a brush. They are entangled, like their hair on the bristles.) "Sharochka is so clever, isn't she? Haa, I give her such a hard time... but you know, it's just as Voyevoda would say to me! Yulya, she'd cry, the Tendus is totalled, and I'd argue with her that she's the one who tried to lift a whole damn Tieren overhead with it, but no, no, now it was my problem to fix it..."
Voyevoda, of course, was the woman who first taught Yuliana the trade of engineering; she's not a new name, to Elisa's ears. She doesn't speak of her often, but then -- she's dead, now.
There is a reason they must end war, and part of it is the way it takes these people from Yuliana's life. She speaks of her fondly, though she was evidently a rough woman.
"Yes," she breathes, again, as she gently works away a knot in her wife's hair. She is not Gordion; she would never cut such a lovely thing. Her tentacles reach around them, to settle on Elisa's hands, the jaws of their claws resting gently across her fingers. "Yes, she will serve us well enough free-range, for now. Yes, this is fine..."
Yuliana's brush pauses, though, as she frowns to herself. Is it... fine?
"Though... it troubles me, Elya," Yuliana verbalises what her wife may have already known, in the hesitation of her fingers. "That Dr. Mass... wasn't entirely wrong, to say that she was just a girl. And the girl in that -- what is it, the Sukeban? -- she doesn't sound much older... they must be children, or only just grown. Is it the fate of their condition that they are ripped to pieces by their enormity before they're able to grow up...?" Yuliana does not know the Whispered by anything more than their transgressions; she thinks she has made a good estimation, from the data she has. She sighs, her frills wilting. "Part of me... thinks I should be ashamed of terrorising girls so young..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"Ah, yes." Elisa's lips quirk into something like amusement. "Yes, it is that way, isn't it? But she is very clever. She has been quite helpful."
Another knot, another gentle working. Elisa strokes those tentacles idly with her hands. "Indeed," she says. And then, Yuliana is troubled.... Yes. Yuliana is troubled, and Elisa suspected this.
"That is true," Elisa says. "They are young." She pauses. "...It is a cruel thing, to force upon them, their condition. We did not do so; we can only interact with what they 'are', not what they should be. However..."
"If you wish to feel for them, then it is your place to decide if they are worthy of care. I do not think you need be ashamed, but if you wish instead to approach them more carefully, I would support you."
"You need not be cruel to handle them. ...On the other hand, it is beautiful when you can truly display your passion."
"But remember, they have chosen the battlefield. That girl attacked you. It is only right to sow terror that she will know not to repeat such a mistake. This Sukeban girl, she is a warrior, she has chosen this life. We cannot coddle those who would be warriors."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Mmm," Yuliana hums appreciation, when Elisa strokes her tentacles. She feels it, after all; they are part of her, as sure as if she stroked the back of her own hand.
After that moment of doubt, Yuliana starts brushing again, herself, as she listens to Elisa's logic. "I hate them," she confesses, "fully and completely, because She hates them so much, Elya. They must be some kind of -- I don't know, is this the next step those damn Newtypes keep speaking of? The hollows about them are the same, I suppose, with both of them there is the lack where something should have been, but... those girls, they're not Newtypes, Elya. They are so much worse!" There's passion in her voice, but she takes a moment to keep her hands gentle; she doesn't want to hurt her wife.
"... even so... they are children. Even if their conditions are so abjectly horrific, they are children..." Yuliana shakes her head, carefully fanning her fingers through Elisa's hair so as to focus on brushing out a particular lock. "But you are right, of course. I needn't be ashamed to see their assaults on this world. It's not my fault. Really, we didn't do this to them!"
Still, their arguments have instilled some level of doubt, in her mind.
Yuliana's heart has always been so troublesomely large.
"And not just that," Yuliana agrees, with gentle motions. "They did choose this... they may be young, but they seem old enough to enlist. They're old enough to know what's being asked of them, in a fight... they made their choice. I do lose sight of these things so easily..."
Brushie, brushie, brushie... "You know... there are Newtypes who may be redeemed," Yuliana considers, "even those with terrible afflictions. But I struggle to think how I would come to terms with whatever these girls are. You know, the first time I met one," the second time she met one, because her mind glances over meeting Shari entirely, "the second I saw the Daughter of Bridges, I was upon her, I would have crushed her very throat... the damn Major muzzled me." Yuliana scowls, darkly. "The whole party... no one knew what he was doing to me. I had to just, take care of that awful girl, and I grew more and more mad, and then..."
Yuliana hardly needs to go on. Elisa rescued her from that place, after all. She knows what they did to her, then.
"Oh, Elya," Yuliana says, "it was so frightening, seeing the Wild Bear of all people show up. What if the REA retrieves me? That woman in that new machine... not only was she using GN Particles, she wanted to take me back there!"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Yes... Clearly there is some doubt, there. Elisa considers how best to assuage it. It may take time. But it must be done.
"It may be," Elisa says of this 'next step', "But it may not. The Federation and others insist that they understand the phenomena completely, that it is simple and clear-cut... but you and I know otherwise. There are many perversions of this kind."
But they are... Hmm. "We didn't. And our actions could be a mercy, to them."
Newtypes who may be redeemed--she remembers that. "Some transgressions are too large to be forgiven," Elisa 'agrees', nodding along. Until the matter of the Major, when her expression flattens.
"He is gone. So too will any be who should lay hands upon you in that way. The REA will not have you again. I will see to that. Before that happens I will tear their entire government apart, brick by brick."
"You are safe, my darling. With me."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Too many," Yuliana sighs, of the perversions of the Awakened. "Far too many..."
A mercy... yes. Perhaps her violence is the only mercy they may know... but there is still mercy Yuliana would extend, even to those she hates. She would redeem some of these Newtypes of their sins. She accepts Elisa's 'agreement' with no complaint at all, humming affirmation to her.
But Elisa assures Yuliana that she will tear the Republic apart before it straps her down again, and Yuliana smiles, throwing her arms about Elisa's shoulders and hugging her from behind. "Oh, Elya...!" She exclaims, rubbing the side of her face against Elisa's, her boneless frill squirming between them. "I'm so glad... sputnica zhizni, I'm with you!" She calls her her life's companion, the woman always beside her, with utmost relief.
"Thank you," Yuliana nuzzles her cheek against hers, "for always keeping me safe, my darling. Even there, when that boy cut Da Xukong 0 down, you brought me back before the Wild Bear could steal me away... oh, Elya, I can always rely on you!"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
They do know mercy in their way.
But the Republic--Elisa strokes Yuliana's cheek as she lifts a hand. "I will be with you," she says, "Always. And always you will be safe in this way."
That boy... yes, that boy. 'Sousuke Sagara'...
"I will have to reinforce the teleportation circle," she reflects. "It should not have been compromised in that way. But of course, I am always watching your battles, always ready."
"You may always rely on me, my darling. I, too, promised."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Always," Yuliana repeats, prayer or promise or mantra.
She tilts her cheek into Elisa's hand, nuzzling affectionately, all trapped between her cheek and her palm. "It was those GN-Xs," she says, with a momentary pout. "They were firing GN Particles at me the whole time! The damage must have disrupted your beautiful circle..."
Arms and tentacles around Elisa, Yuliana smiles, when she says she's always watching. "No one is more fortunate than me," she says, "to have such an attentive wife. Oh, Elya..." Yuliana nestles her face against Elisa, and sighs, "I'm so happy."
Tangled up with her like this...
Even if her life is this way, it's her life with Elisa, isn't it?