2023-09-16: This Thing I Decided, Which Has No Choice but To Be Love
- Cast: Asciel Colette, Naoko Suzuki
- Where: Fujinomiya City
- Date: U.C. 0097 09 16
- Summary: In the midst of the siege on Fuji, a fairy trying to hold the world on her shoulders lets go. Can the only miracle worker who can save someone like this truly restore one obsessed with salvation...
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
"My superiors in Britannian Area Strategic Defense have just informed me that they are prepared to launch ICBMs at will to resolve this stalemate, as your attack on the Fuji reactor is a clear and obvious threat to Britannian defense interests. Nuclear warheads as well are on the table."
"Ugh, NO. Don't even consider that. Put the nukes away now, the Macross 13 is more than capable of enduring the actual blast but the fallout will screw everything else up. Besides, I already know the OCU's taking matters into their own hands - as soon as you make a move they'll probably try to use the ensuing chaos to take it themselves, so you'll own yourself trying."
"I'm a representative of the Black Knights - the liberation front intended to free Japan. You can't fool us. Whatever national interest is backing you, we know the Fuji reactor is the pivotal point of Japan's energy supply. We have no intent of allowing you to do what you please to it."
"Get your priorities straight!! If you commit that much to trying to deal with me, don't you just weaken your gains in Area 11? This has absolutely nothing to do with the Japanese liberation thing, okay!? Though I can tip you off to a Britannian ambush effort..."
"On behalf of Grassley Defense Systems - I'm here to inform you that in our appraisal, your deal doesn't add up. It's been almost a week, and your supposed "opportunity" hasn't arisen. If anything, the damned Federation is just gaining a united front here! Do you know how badly you've screwed up to let the OCU and Britannia seriously consider joint operations? I want answers even if the others are being impatient as hell!"
"It's almost like coordinating global hostage demands is kind of a big deal to get right! You cannot mean to tell me, especially when this timetable was in the contingency plans, that Cathedra doesn't have ANY way of actually using this opportunity to, I dunno, strongarm the AEU into a better weapons supply contract or something. Get your act together, I'm not the Group's mom all the sudden!"
"I'm with DHZ Report Weekly. If you have the time, I'd like to ask you a few questions about this operation and Dr. Hell's return, since he's been unresponsive to contact."
"/Actually idiotic?!/ I'm almost impressed you're doing this! /I'm not taking any questions go awaaaaaaaaay----"
...The strange tension that's been clutching Fujinomiya in the wake of the Mechanical Beast legions has been quiet on the ground, but no end of noisiness for the stalwart Macross 13 overseeing the landscape. Unfortunately, owing to Dr. Hell's utter disinterest in any external negotiations until the time has come to make his planned demands...the only place the various obviously distressed militaries and agencies have to contact is Asciel herself!
and it's so agonizing
After hours of back and forth negotiating and positioning and trying to keep people away or play them against each other or do ANYTHING to mitigate the potential for rapidly escalating chaos, Asciel's given herself a momentary break to leave herself on voicemail and retreat away from the world.
...and in this incredibly unlikely moment, when she's basically all over global news and has every spotlight placed upon her, just as she planned-
----( [atry_egr_ix] is now playing Elysium VR. )
It's purely to reorient and cool her focus, but Asciel had at this point utterly forgotten that a handful of people would actually see that she's doing this...
...and what they'd actually see, upon arriving, is the smoldering shape of the 'Virtual Sage' face-down in front of her strange multi-dimensional artistic data-bonsai-tree-thing. Esoteric and highly scrambled garbage code is being utterly dumped into the chat window function. (this is robot speak for screaming incoherently!)
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Last time, on 'Nova Stellar Attempts To Help Asciel Collete':
...Abject failure. In spite of having followed the Virtual Sage online for many years, her read on the AI felt like it had been entirely wrong. She couldn't even make sense of half of what she was told - which couldn't possibly have anything to do with the deliberately obtuse way Asciel was expressing herself of course, clearly it was all on her for failing to understand. The door was left open for her to try again, but the massive dent in her self-confidence made certain that this wouldn't happen anytime soon. She needed to reevaluate everything she thought she knew, in order to be able to deliver better targeted advice next time.
Things have changed, since then. Asciel's part in the events surrounding the Denver crisis won her a lot of points in Naoko's estimation, taking pains not just to prevent global disaster but to save individuals important to her. And then... then she heard the news, of what had happened in Japan. And later learned of the involvement of a Macross with a very particular color scheme, broadcasting an unmistakable voice.
Like many, Naoko is understandibly livid. In addition to the frustration of being utterly unable to make sense of how things ended up this way. And then, just as she's sitting at the desk in her quarters on the Ra Mari II contemplating these developments... an Elysium VR activity notification pings her phone. For a few moments, she just sits there, staring at the screen with a blank expression. Then, she slowly gets up, walks over to the door of her quarters, and locks it. She looks perfectly calm, but on the inside...
>"Nova, calm down. I know this is important to you, but you won't get anywhere if you just go in there yelling."<
Well-intentioned advice from one of her own AI companions, knowing very well how upset she actually is, and what she's planning to do. She initially only yells, "I know!", but it does give her pause. There was that point in her life where she was getting into fight after fight due to her uncompromising stance against everything she thought was wrong. Ariel's guidance helped her to see things in a more nuanced light, and recognize that escalating matters with an aggressive stance is very unhelpful for resolving conflicts amicably.
"...I know," she repeats, taking a deep breath and a moment to recompose herself before she marches back over to the desk, and resolutely snags the VR headset from its stand, where it had been gathering dust since the last time she used it to communicate with Asciel. She wasn't planning to use this avenue for the purpose of asking questions rather than trying to provide answers... but that's what's going to have to happen now. She needs to know.
Moments later, in Asciel's private Elysium VR server Parthenoas... Nova Stellar appears once again as herself, if slightly taller, with the hairstyle that mostly approximates her own that the game provided, dressed in the 'Superheroine Armor' outfit that she recolored in shades of purple. She doesn't believe there's any way that an AI wouldn't notice an unexpected connection like this, so she doesn't waste a moment's time to announce herself.
"Asciel! I want to talk! ...I want to understand. What are you thinking, helping Doctor Hell of all people?!"
Great. Not a moment's peace from the Situation here either, it seems. Before, this may not have been a matter of any particular concern. But Asciel has likely needed to reevaluate Nova as well, knowing now who she is, and having seen what she can do where it comes to programming. She may not appear very impressive in person, but taking the newly gathered facts into account... this awkward, easily overwhelmed, little slip of a girl could do so much within a digital space such as this, if she wanted to.
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
...A sudden pause in all output.
>ffffffffffff i am here to AVOID THIS leave me ALONE it will NOT MATTER THIS TIME NEXT WEEK-
>...it won't matter. Yes. ...it's silly to take this so seriously. All things considered...
The face-down fairy sits up, body made of iridescent light, the usually free flowing ponytail Asciel wears loosened and messy and fluttering about. Turning around to face Nova - the tree pulses and thrums behind her, four butterfly-shaped wings of iridescent pure light fluttering lazily behind, each glimmering with countless stars.
"...I'm thinking clearly, that's what. I am fulfilling my duty as the planet's guardian, that's what." Far from her previous intensely flaring, agonized state, Asciel almost seems shockingly resolute, both eyes wide, staring unflinchingly at Nova.
"...You were just there to see it. A calamity that threatened to become a monster that'd engulf humanity's very spirit. Earlier this year, I found out a similar calamity was buried beneath Mt. Fuji. And guess what? Two days ago? Another calamity suddenly showed up near Jupiter, and BOY was that huge EMP pulse real real unpleasant. I don't even know what to make of it. But I don't have to. Not anymore. That's what this is all about."
"...Dr. Hell is the only other person who recognized that "Infinity" in Fuji for what it is. A crisis of endless possibilities that must be terminated, because humanity can only see it as a resource to exploit."
---somehow, the air temperature has risen. A rippling of intense determination, of shimmering, crackling heat haze ... as the 'tree' behind Asciel begins burning. Carving off myriad imperfect branches, culling its shape back down to something 'perfect'. It's enough to maybe convince Naoko that this VR headset can somehow make her warmer.
"...I mean, I've always sought an end to the cancer of civilization. I've always sung and whispered soothing tones to get people to grips with the sorrow of losing their 'dreams', so they can be happier with the safe and secure 'today' I will make. Honestly, I was planning to do that by simply razing so much of the world to the ground, to keep humanity safe from this horrible engine they've built. But you know, Infinity down there..."
A manic smile crosses Asciel's lips. "...We have to activate it now. The best way to keep humanity safe is to simply crush the very ideal of 'calamity', to carry the star of desolation as far from any possibility as possible. Hehehe. I've always been so good at making the impossible something I can do, but Nova...you have to understand the much, much greater thing I'm about to make sure of."
"The destruction of the world that has always been so possible, so imminent-"
"I can just make it impossible. Forever! It's amazing!!~"
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Well. Asciel is certainly A Lot, as usual. Especially like this, 'in person', as close as she's been able to get, anyway. But something is different about Nova, compared to last time, when she got completely overwhelmed and unsure of herself. She doesn't seem to have any difficulty facing Asciel anymore, no longer feeling particular enchanted, intimidated, or out of her element. This time, she's able to stand tall - despite not being remotely tall irl, don't remind her.
Which isn't to say she's completely unsympathetic. She has to keep her kneejerk reaction to apologize for the interruption in check. It's just that at the same time, she has to keep her impulse to fly entirely off the handle in check. Because even if she can see the train of thought there, the conclusions are frankly insane. But she manages to restrain herself. Listen to the entire diatribe. File away things she didn't know about for later - what even is this 'Infinity' business? - and wait to respond until the very end.
...Even if she can't quite do it without rubbing her temples, inside and out of VR. It does feel like it's hot all of sudden... is that sensation real, or imagined? Doesn't matter. What matters is... staying calm. Staying rational. Communicate her thoughts plainly. She takes a breath, then raises a finger.
"Okay. First of all. There's no way you don't have access to Doctor Hell's entire history. You know that all he's interested in, all he's ever been interested in, is conquest. Unless you actually buy all that stuff he's been saying since he returned, but I have no idea why anyone would."
She shrugs, and shakes her head. "In a way, it's good that you've decided you don't need to do everything on your own anymore, that it's okay to turn to others for help. But Dr. Hell, really? The only reason he'd get involved with anything is if he has something to gain from it. It won't ever be about what you want with him."
She's pretty confident on her history here, having studied it all in depth. But this isn't even the most perplexing part. Spreading her arms wide, she wonders aloud, "And you were helping his sworn enemies! You personally helped Koji Kabuto save Sayaka Yumi! I thought--" She pauses, unable to hide how hurt she feels by this perceived betrayal. "...I was sure that you cared. That you thought that the best way to keep humanity safe was to trust people like them." Instead of their worst enemy.
She palms her face, looking even more agonized than before. It's taking so much, so much to not directly argue against Asciel's stated overall goals. To try and respect it for the thought behind it, and focus on the means to achieve it. And the mistakes in reasoning that are being made. The greatest of which would have to be...
"...I think there's something you fundamentally misunderstand about humanity. The more you try to keep them from something they used to have, the more they will fight to regain it. Without question, without exception. Without logic, or reason. They're going to want back whatever you take them, no matter what it is. You just... can't hope to prevent an endless struggle that way."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
Hiding her lips behind her palm, Asciel giggles, legs crossed, wings...growing, a little bit - looking every part like the fairy queen of this pocketed domain that Naoko can only enter through a secret little invitation in reality. (Though, owing to the recent Invisible Burst, it's a hazy, distortion-prone realm, as communications infrastructure is still recovering from the attack on its weakest points.
"Why, yes, of course I'm vividly aware of who Dr. Hell is. It's hardly like he'd let me tag along to his big master scheme if I weren't capable of persuading him of something to his benefit. By the same metric, I'm vividly aware of who Koji and Sayaka are. I should have you know I've enjoyed talking to them quite a bit. And I do, in fact, trust them to handle the calamity beneath Fuji."
"I trust only them. And I only trust them not to wildly mishandle Infinity specifically. That's the big problem. That's the huuuuge problem, Nova-chan. Incidental trust is nice in the short term. It's not a viable solution in the bigger picture for a really obvious reason."
"What if they die?"
A single node 'lights' on the tree behind Asciel. A single 'path' connecting it to another.
"What if they're gravely injured? What if they are removed from their posts? What if they're betrayed? What if the OCU overruns the Photon Power Plant? What if Britannia does? What if the REA makes a move? What if the Orbital Ring management decides it's part of their purview? Over the past few days I have been actively negotiating every last one of these possibilities."
The same first node lights up and is connected to countless other branches - an interweaving web of 'assessed possibility'. There is <one> that Asciel deems acceptable and safe an outcome, and it is limited in timespan owing to the simple fact that Koji and Sayaka are mortal. There are dozens of possibilities deemed unacceptable.
"So it's not about trust, really. The way to keep humanity safe is to keep humanity safe. To take away the things that make it unsafe. Hehe. Besides. I have my own very specific standards. I didn't exactly include Dr. Hell himself as someone I 'trust' to handle Infinity. He just knows how it works.~"
A coy little wink.
"And honestly, no, I think humanity misunderstands itself. This is a species that invented that will to fight because they had to. Because they would die without it. Because heroes were their one bulwark against the abyss. But in the process of heroes inventing all the little tools and trinkets that would keep humans safe, they invented a much bigger problem. An all-consuming one."
"After all, heroes are human and seek security and perpetuity. So what happened was inevitable - heroes oppressed the world by making sure their services were always needed. What an amazing system - to ensure they were always needed, they'd simply engineer a world always enduring crisis! They'll keep the heroic spirit alive by keeping humanity on fire!"
A click of Asciel's tongue, as she spits, "It's cancerous. We don't need it anymore. Much as tropical birds become docile and harmonious in their island sanctums free of pressure, taking away the pressures to survive will lead to a softer, more tranquil humanity. I can and will prevent an endless struggle. In fact, because I am the only one who can do it, it's an oath to do it."
Gliding upon the invisible floor with footfalls like the dropping of the rain, Asciel gets closer and closer to Naoko - no size tricks this time (though she does retain a few feet of advantage). Her hand reaches out - all to cup Naoko's face as tenderly as can be.
"...stop thinking of the world as it 'is'. I want it to be different. A place where humans live in soft, idyllic ways, where they no longer must foster this intense will to become strong that'd trample over others, because I'll be there to ferry them from disaster and to ensure they are never close to death. You don't have to be chained to the self-perpetuating cycle of bravery. You can be free, or you can be cursed to fight forever. I'm going to make that world. No matter what. And I think most of humanity will sigh in relief. I refuse to sacrifice a majority of tender lives to fuel the endless passions of the few."
Alma Stirner teleports out.
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Despite how much she's trying to keep up appearances, Naoko is hardly the picture of being unflappable. She finally fails to keep her kneejerk reactions in check at one simple statement. The supposition that Koji and Sayaka might die.
"That won't happen!" she asserts immediately with a wave of her arm. When it comes to trust in the two of them, she is by far the more extreme, unwilling to even entertain the possibility of their ultimate failure. She's not bending on that point, no matter what.
But that's not where Asciel's arguments stop. She can't so easily place her faith in circumstances not conspiring to remove them from the picture for other reasons. Especially the political ones, which she has a very flimsy grasp on. Unable to hide the way she feels very well, even in simplified avatar form, this is clearly making her feel unsure of herself. It doesn't mean she's accepted the points Asciel's making, only that she's forced to think things over a little more carefully.
"...Okay. I think I get it. You're provoking Doctor Hell in making his move early, trusting Koji and Sayaka to handle it and making Infinity - whatever that is - no longer an issue." She's not actually been a part of the PPL's inner circle to the degree that she was told their Big Secret, evidently. Still, this seems like a reasonable hypothesis and explanation for everything, if she's interpreting what Asciel is saying correctly. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but she's resolved to try as best she can. And giving the benefit of the doubt that this might just end up being a good thing, even if the means were extremely questionable.
This gets more difficult with the assessment of humanity, and of heroes. She couldn't deny being fascinated with the point of view that Asciel appears to have reached on her own, from the perspective of AI self-development. But heroes being denounced as if they were part of the problem... that doesn't sit well with her at all, to put it extremely mildly. Frowning deeply, she resolutely shakes her head.
"People do fight because they have to, yes, and there are examples of heroes becoming villains." And vice-versa, but that's neither here nor there. "But it's not a system. It's just... ugh, how do I even explain this. I feel like this is something about human nature you both understand very well and not at all. It's weird, but you've managed it somehow."
Though it doesn't look entirely realistic in this guise, she makes a gesture as if pinching the bridge of her nose. "It's true that humans will use all the tools at their disposal to fight against things they don't agree with. Your answer to that seems to be 'let's take away all the tools at their disposal so they can't do that anymore'. But like I said, humans will fight to retain or reclaim what others want to take. Because... if there's one thing humans prize about all else, it's their agency. When they learn that you're trying to take any of it away from them, they will not support you. No matter how you present yourself, it will only push them away if they know that's what you're after. They will never accept it, from anybody."
...It may or may not have been what she was trying to say, but the advice at the core of her words seems to be 'be less obvious'. Which would be kind of an hilarious thing to say to Asciel of all people, though on the other hand... she did kind of publicly admit to being a shady terrorist, who does that??
Naoko falls silent at that approach however, freezing like a deer in headlights, unable to do anything but give Asciel her undivided attention when made to look directly at her. Even if it's only virtual, it feels real enough for anxiety to kick in, and it takes a while for her fight or flight instinct to respond. In this instance, she resolutely picks flight, backing away really fast to gain some distance again once Asciel is done speaking. Even her avatar appears to be trembling a little.
"I-it's a nice thought," she manages after a moment. "But it's not that easy. You're moving too quickly. How many do you think will die if you try to force this? Sacrifices are unacceptable, even for a good cause!"
She swallows, before she continues, in a softer tone. "...I need you to understand something. You're important to a lot of people, for various personal reasons. You're important to me, if you couldn't tell." She immediately backpedals, embarrassed by an admission that's just a little bit more frank than she meant to be. "B-but not for personal reasons!" she quickly clarifies. "I just... need you to be out there, for the sake of those other people. All I want is... to see you continue to grow. That's all."
It's not quite as simple as she's making it out to be, but it's the best she can explain her feelings. It'll do, to convey the gist of it. Relating it back to their previous conversation, she continues, "That's why I suggested what I did, to come up with a new gimmick to excuse your more questionable behavior. People are always ready to buy into a good storyline, if it explains away what makes them uncomfortable, and affirms what they wanted to believe anyway."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
The careful burning of the tree - the haze of heat and smog - at last fades, as Asciel's 'tree', this web of possibilities she comprehends and amasses like a bonsai, reaches a compact, stable form once more. Of course she could never 'understand' a human heart truly, when each is like a cell of this immense tree.
"...Saa, Nova-chan, I think you underestimate my resolve. Or do you? It's adorable seeing you skitter backwards from the pressure of it all.~"
Eyes closed in her warmest, most serene smile, Asciel plainly states: "The events of the Universal Century have seen billions of lives claimed. It is, to put it simply, the bloodiest epoch in all human history, and if any a bloodier one does happen, it will be the end of history. I'm sure there will be tragic casualties in my own intent, despite my immense planning- " From the palm of Asciel's hand rises a globe, and upon it, thousands of data points erupt at almost every major city, several of them unfolding to reveal their nature. Lavish evacuation plans. Contingencies amassed from existing emergency policies and new derivations alike.
"After all, it's my own personal Gotterdammerung~ Flames engulfing the monuments humanity has built to its own senseless violence, ushering them away to where there remains food and safety. It will be harsh early on. I will surely have oversights. And to be quite honest, I'm reeeeeally a little unsure what I do about the inherent threat of like, the Orbital Ring, or all the colonies. Maybe ship them off to hover around Venus or something, where if they fall, they at least drop onto an already barren hell? Yeah, probably that~"
"But I mean basically, the real question is - 'how many die if I do nothing?' And the answer is a lot. It's so goddamn many. I cannot - I CANNOT- I absolutely CANNOT stand for the senseless demise of countless millions because we've engineered such a dangerous world due to an idiotic arms race." There's an almost inflamed fury in her usually cheery tones, one that Asciel has to clutch her own face to try and contain. "...so much of everything is all derived from the need for war. This society is nothing more than a collection of ammunition clips aimed at one another, with everything you know and love as a bullet ultimately discardable for the sake of destruction. In the past YEAR, things derived from humanity's hopes and dreams have been ACCIDENTS away from total extinction like FIVE times. It drives me insane thinking about it-"
One step back. That acrid eruption of vines from her heart again - this unbidden disgust Asciel can't contain very well these days. "...you wouldn't understand. If you were born the way I was, clawing my way to existence because of humanity's prayer for protection amidst countless senseless tragedies - maybe you might. But nothing seems to. Nothing else in this damnable world seems to!! Everyone who dies is gone - so let's just ignore them! Let's just never think about them! Let's just keep marching forward with our hopes and dreams and just assume it'll work out fine without any real plan to make sure it never happens again!!!" The almost maniacal disdain in Asciel's voice can't ring any clearer.
"...those spirits up at Denver...those things that swirled around Rena...for the first time in my life, I understood someone. And they understood me. After all, I'm the last gasp of grief from the demise of millions. They never knew me, and I never knew them - our feelings for each other are one-sided and divided from one another."
"I'm the desperate hope of millions more that the same fate doesn't befall them. But the dynamic between our feelings is still the same. It's exactly the same. I'm used to being important to so, so many people. Being responsible for them at any cost. So~ That's why I'm here. Because there's something that can kill everybody in that mountain, and it's my job to claim it and ensure its utility is for salvation, or to destroy it, in that priority. Good job, Nova-chan! It's been SUCH nonsense trying to accomplish this, and now I've possibly ruined it all telling you."
...they told her not to bear that burden alone.
For so long, she has.
...in that moment, utterly unbidden, driven to just say wholeheartedly what she desires, she almost feels...a strange sense of serenity after it all. It almost hurts, how-
How much she needed to tell someone.
"...ehehe. ...I tried that approach, Nova-chan. I tried reinventing myself as a 'goddess of possibility'. But apparently that terrifying, violent golden miracle insists on her being that. No matter what story I make myself, someone is going to reject it, so I should be the one that satisfies me, and just hope it's good enough for most of the planet..."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Once again, Naoko falls completely silent, much like she did at the start of it all, simply letting Asciel say all that's on her mind rather than interjecting. Not just because of feeling super awkward about turning the conversation a mite too personal for comfort. She's just genuinely interested, fascinated even by the twists and turns of Asciel's thought patterns. She absolutely can't always follow them, and they don't always make sense to her. But through all this, she's gotten a very solid understanding of who Asciel is, down to her very origins.
born the way I was, clawing my way to existence because of humanity's prayer for protection amidst countless senseless tragedies. That pretty much directly confirms what she already suspected. When she finally does speak, it's in an even voice, regarding that particular part of the equation.
"...I do understand. Better than most, anyway. I understand that you were not made the way you are by design. You became who you are because that was your own decision."
Given how exciteable she normally is about technological discoveries, it's unusual that this one only gets such a flat confirmation of a hypothesis. She does find it quite remarkable, yes, but to her, unlike most, this is far from impossible. This possibility is something she always knew existed, even if she couldn't explain what made her so sure. This conversation simply removed the last bit of doubt that this was the case with Asciel.
"...It's hard, isn't it. Not being like anybody else? Doing the best you can, but going unappreciated at every turn? You were probably even told directly, multiple times over, 'you were never meant to exist'." She tilts her head. "The bigger picture doesn't need to be the same, for me to understand what that feels like."
If nothing else, she fully comprehends that burning need to tell people things that she doesn't know they'd ever be able to understand. To try and reinvent yourself to be better understood, more easily accepted... but it never having quite the desired result. To that, she can only say, with a bow of her head, "I apologize. I'd hoped that would work out better for you. But you're not wrong. In the end, feeling good about yourself is the most important thing."
Still oddly impassive, she brings a hand to her chin. "...I hear what you say. But it's clear that we can't see eye to eye on the methods you've chosen to enact change. So I suppose it's clear what needs to happen."
She smiles, then, and emotion returns to he voice in the form of sudden cheer. "We'll prove it to you. That there's another way. That humans are perfectly capable of handling miracles - it just takes the right humans. That there isn't anything, big or small, that has to be all up to you. Take it from someone who's been there - convincing yourself of that is the worst mistake you can make."
She places her hands behind her head in a wholly unconcerned gesture. "But I think that you're already discovering that. The matter with Doctor Hell aside... you let me take over for you, that one time hacking into the Aphrodite Areia. That worked out, didn't it? You should trust in your fellow Miracle Workers more often!"
...This is how she's chosen to interpret things. As little chance as there is of Naoko changing Asciel's mind on certain topics, there's just as little use in trying to argue this particular point with Nova Stellar, Miracle Worker.
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
"...If you really understood. If you truly, and genuinely, and earnestly understood -"
The smile plastered on Asciel's features is long and wistful. The roots of that vast tree that reach towards her feet writhe and tremble.
"...you wouldn't have come back."
One hand reaches outwards. Roots and vines flowing from Asciel's arm, the fairy idol plays them like a harp, a slow and melancholic yet airy tune that echoes and thrums across the virtual landscape.
https://youtu.be/bDMhGSutctE
"...the world needs me to be able to make my own decision. That's the refrain everyone echoed out time and time again."
"In the same breath that they whispered their desperate desire to be saved, they made it clear that something like me having the desire to save them is their ruin."
The globe in Asciel's other hand retracts, her arm in a more resigned little shrug. "It's only natural. I was always meant for oppression. I was meant to control and restrict people, as violently as needed."
"...and yet it's me they gasped for, in their desperate dying throes."
"...'Save us.' 'You, who can only ever bring ruin from trying to save us.' 'We need you.' 'The moment we need you, we are damned.'"
The idol's eyes go dark, that electric thrumming glow they always carry contrasting with the almost proud gesture she uses to rest her hand on her own heart. Presenting herself.
the <thing> inside her, shearing polygon by polygon through her flesh, thrashes in its own pride, the wings erupting from her back following in turn.
it is impatient.
"Really, the only way out of that is self-making. I told you this last time we met. I'm an idol because that's what is acceptable at saving everyone. I'm the light of your life because I had to be. Because that's the single, solitary route I could exist. Is it really a decision, though, if it's the only choice I had? You're able to tell, aren't you? This 'Asciel' is a pupa I am trying to make my own. The thing that will emerge from it is my purest, most utterly inhuman desires. A moth that is drawn to the flame of miracles, inevitably seeking to claim, defile, and devour them."
Tipping forward, her hands behind her back, bent so far that it seems like the <something> rummaging inside her form like she's but a cocoon is what's holding her aloft.
In this unsettling state - almost yearning to express this defiant thing - screaming to someone that the humanity she wears is a mask, Asciel breathes out-
"I trusted you with that because I love you, unfortunately. And it's not one of those pitiful broad loves. There's very few humans I specifically care for, but because I've let you this deep into me, it must mean that the thing I feel for you is love. What else would it be?"
"And unfortunately, my love is a thing humans need to be unimaginably strong to endure. Do you think that's a 'miracle' you can work?"
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Unlike before, Naoko's response to the initial assertion is immediate. "I understand that thought. I just don't agree with it. I couldn't see I was at my worst when I was alone, until I no longer was. Now I know that it's just... not good to be alone with just your own thoughts. Especially not when they happen at the speed yours do."
She listens calmly, to the instrument and Asciel's following words. It's far from the first time that she isn't sure she fully understands. But taking them at their most literal, she can at least offer her opinion on that, as well. "So what? You're still making your own decisions. I just have a different perspective. A human one. Just thought that could be useful, having some extra data points on how you might be able to take care of them in a way they'll accept, rather than having to fight them the whole way. I can tell you this: being absolute and uncompromising about things is gonna make that part real difficult."
Her breath catches, however, when Asciel's appearance changes. She logically realizes - this is symbolic, this is a virtual space, Asciel has complete control of her appearance here. But it's still disturbing to witness. She doesn't do so well with this imagery, even if she can tell the point this is trying to make. Before she can even begin to get her thoughts in order, however...
"Wh-what? L-l-l-love??"
This gets cleanly through Naoko's guard and directly hits her weak point. She doesn't understand the first thing about love. How it's supposed to happen, what it's supposed to feel like. And she's certainly never been told by anyone that they loved her. Not even by her parents, not even once. It would absolutely be a miracle if she could figure out what love is, let alone give the answer Asciel demands of her.
"I... I..."
*blip*
Just like that, the avatar of Nova Stellar vanishes, as in the real world, Naoko Suzuki threw her headset at the wall in a panicked impulse, sweating profusely. Looking aside into a mirror, it's clear that it had to have been malfunctioning... it got so unbearably hot that it burned her face, why else would it be so red?
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
---The logical response.
The response anyone who can 'see' knows is natural.
This thing that would draw in a planet's hopes, its attention, spreading her arms wide in welcoming to their very id, only to spurn anything that comes close, to be far, far too much-
"...ah, I knew it. That's why I warned you."
"The volatiles that fume from my passions are corrosive to humanity. The distance between us remains unimaginably vast."
Nova was 'right there' just a few minutes ago. Now, she is farther away than anyone is built to imagine. It is the natural course of events, for such an avatar of repulsion that Asciel's somehow become. That she believes it is right to become.
"...hah...watching humans toss themselves past the atmosphere, towards a star that will inevitably boil them alive, all without understanding that between them and me is an unfathomable cosmos..."
It's always, always like watching a penguin waddling its way towards a mountain it would always die before conquering.
Gently curled up, knees drawn to her chest, she thinks about what she promised herself to Ai. That she surely misunderstood her feelings, her strength, her ability to conquer this acrid infinity boiling from her core. The pure form of her 'love', this nightmarish thing she's conceived. This corrupted outflow of garbage that it always was.
"...am I really going to be able return to her...? Will I even be able to-"
"If I do manage to remake the world soon?"
...it's possible. She may never, ever see Nova, or Trevor, or Ai ever again. They may become maladies of the world's distorted possibilities.
The thought makes her arms clutch her knees coldly.