2023-08-26: O Father

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<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.

        Shinji has a lot of mixed feelings about Gridman's departure back to the Hyper World. He understands that he has a mission that he needs to get back to, that he needs to take Alexis Kerib to a secure facility to make sure he doesn't get out and wreak havoc again. He knows that this is something he has to do, that he can't just blow it off for other people. It's still sad to see him go, but he understands all that. It isn't about him.
        
        But it does still remind him of how his father dropped him off at his teacher's place and then left him for three years before unceremoniously demanding he come to him and, it would turn out, get in the robot. It's not completely the same, of course. But there are enough similarities that he's been thinking about it ever since Gridman left and he could let himself think about it.
        
        So once everyone finished eating and started shuffling out, Shinji hurries over to Guy, the person who originally suggested to him that neglectful science dads might just be awkward and not actually hate their children.
        
        "Um--sorry if this is a bad time, but could I talk to you sometime soon, Guy-san?" he murmurs to Guy. He's not wholly sure if he's overstepping by being so familiar, but Guy's a friendly person like Misato, and Shinji's gotten a little more relaxed about these things over the years. A little.
        
        Regardless, Shinji continues, "There's something I really want to ask you. Not right now, of course, I'm sure you've got other things to get to after this--but--sometime soon. If that's okay."

<Pose Tracker> Guy Shishioh has posed.

Guy's had some sense of thoughts drifting his way, and he's not too surprised when, as people are packing up, Shinji hustles over to catch his attention. "Ikari-kun," Guy confirms. He's the sort to use -kun for his younger associates, it seems. "No, it's fine." He looks one last time back to where Gridman left, to where people have gone to tend to an unconscious Yuta Hibiki. "Actually," he says, and turns back to Shinji with a grin. "I've got some time, Let's let folks here have their privacy, though."

Guiding the way out the door, Guy mostly steps off to the side so they're out of the way of traffic. No need to burden Aya itself at the moment. But he does offer a favorable grin. "Alouette and Renais will want to stay for a while, I expect, so...I've got time to talk. What did you want to ask me?"

May as well let him do it while his courage is high, Guy figures.

<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.

        It's a surprise to Shinji that Guy invites him to talk to him right now--but it does make sense to him. Better to do it now, when they both have people who'll want to stay a while longer, than schedule a meeting later and have it take up more time for both of them. He glances towards Rei and Kaworu, then nods at Guy, relaxing a bit.
        
        He follows him outside, looking over at the Aya next door, and then settles on the wall. "Um... it's about my father," he says quietly. His nerves aren't as high as they were a moment ago, and he is thinking more favorably of his father now, but it is still a tender topic for him. "I don't know if you remember, but we were talking in the NERV canteen a while back--and you were talking about how... sometimes fathers who're wrapped up in their jobs... end up having a bad relationship with their families... but not because they don't care."
        
        Now he hesitates. Even so, he manages to continue, "I know you work with him, so... I was wondering if you had an impression about... what mine thinks...?"
        
        Of him, specifically, he means, but also in general.

<Pose Tracker> Guy Shishioh has posed.

Guy nods, slowly. He remembers - he also remembers that it seemed to get in Shinji's head pretty deeply, even then. He's not too surprised to have it circle back now.

"Hm," Guy says, slowly. "I did, yeah. My uncle Liger, he's got a whole lot of children from various women...it's not that he doesn't care about the children, or even their mothers, but he's also not the most available to them...I mean, even with GGG Green being gone for so long aside. He's one of the smartest men in the world, he's on projects all the time...it doesn't mean he doesn't care, when there's something he can do for them he's often put his life on the line for it. But...." He scratches his cheek a little. "It might make him a kind of crummy father, that he's not around much the rest of the time, I think. Most of his kids aren't fond of him." He chuckles. "I guess I just want to make sure you understand what I mean. It's usually not as simple as they hate you, even if they're hard to get through to."

He twists his face into a bit of a grimace after that, though, adding, "Gendo...is a hard man to read. I don't know that I've met anyone harder, really. He seems like he does everything he can to hide what he's thinking, even." He hums, and his gaze turns off, to Tsutsujidai's clear, free sky. "...but I know he's dedicated, truly, to protecting humanity from the Angels. Preventing them from destroying everything. I'm sure if it came down to it, he'd give his own life to make sure the world keeps on."

If nothing else, Gendo would be well in range of that explosion they spoke about, after all...

"I don't really have a sense of what he thinks about any single person. Except Fuyutsuki, I guess." He's not sure Taiga has anyone he trusts as implicitly as Gendo would have to trust Fuyutsuki. "Sorry." He gives Shinji a consoling smile. "I don't know exactly what he thinks of you from his own mouth, or anything. But the fact he has you here has to mean something, don't you think?"

<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.

        Shinji has a dim, general sort of awareness of who Liger Shishioh is--essentially enough to know who Guy is talking about and have an awareness of the kind of position he has. He doesn't really know about his family situation, and honestly it's a surprise to hear that he apparently has a bunch of kids from a bunch of different women.
        
        It boggles his mind, really. If he's so dedicated to his job, why have so many kids with so many women?
        
        (Maybe Liger's just that horny. That's a little too embarrassing for Shinji to consider more than in passing, though.)
        
        "I see," he says quietly. It probably was foolish of him to pin so much hope on it. Still, he appreciates Guy's honesty. He'd rather him be forthright with him than tell him something pretty just because that's what he'd rather hear.
        
        He pays close attention to what Guy says about his father. It's not really a surprise to hear that his father is so closed off, even to a close colleage. He nods slowly about what he says about his father's anti-Angel dedication. He knew that much already from Ritsuko, but... hearing it from Guy too does help cement it. Especially since...
        
        "He'd give his own life to make sure the world keeps on."
        
        Shinji nods slowly. Misato told him about the self-destruct mechanism in the Geofront--that everyone in NERV is staking their lives on protecting humanity. It makes sense that'd include his father, too.
        
        "Fuyutsuki-san... He's always around Father," Shinji muses. "I see him around a lot, but I don't think I've ever talked to him. He's talked at me, I think? Like, when he's giving orders or something. But we've never had a conversation. He seems really serious too, though. Maybe that's why he and Father work well together."
        
        Guy offers him a smile. Shinji doesn't return it. "I don't know about that. People--well, some people say that I'm only piloting an Eva because of who my father is. But I don't think that's true. I think I just happened to meet the qualifications, and when Father found that out, he called for me. Before then, I hadn't seen him in three years. He just... dropped me off at my teacher's place one day and left."
        
        He bows his head. "...I thought he didn't care at all. But... after the mission with the Eleventh Angel, he praised me. He said, 'Good work, Shinji.'" He scratches the back of his head, a smile finally creeping up on the edges of his lips. "So I was hoping..."
        
        He doesn't finish the thought. He might not need to. 

<Pose Tracker> Guy Shishioh has posed.

Guy nods, seriously. It's a tough, difficult thing, what Shinji wants - and even harder with someone whose mind is as impenetrable as Gendo Ikari's.

"I seem to recall they knew each other a long time ago," Guy says. "But, I was still in high school at that time." He chuckles, haplessly. "Different crowds. But it changes a lot about how you relate to people."

"Hm," he says, considering Shinji's story. Doesn't sound....great, does it...

"I wonder about that, but...Sorry, Shinji. The honest answer is I don't know the man that well to say. He's never been forthcoming about much of anything, let alone his personal life."

He hums, gaze angling back down to Shinji. "But that's something, at least. Like I said, it's unlikely it's as simple as hate. People are...complicated. Especially a man like him."

<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.

        That's something new, and Shinji blinks wide to hear it--that his father and Fuyutsuki are longtime acquaintances rather than just work colleagues. He doesn't say anything aloud, but he does resolve to remember it. Maybe he'd know something about his father, in that case...
        
        Especially since Guy admits that he just doesn't know Gendo well enough to comment accurately on how he feels about--anything, besides his job. Shinji's expression turns gloomy but resigned, and he nods.
        
        "Complicated..." he echoes. He looks down at his feet. "...He seems to like Ayanami. I've seen the two of them smiling and talking to each other before. But... when it comes to piloting Evas, he's tough even on her. When we first met, I--refused to pilot the Evangelion at first. So Father called for Ayanami to pilot instead, even though she was hurt really bad, because there was an Angel closing in."
        
        Guy's no doubt heard of this; it was the battle against the Fourth Angel, when the Angels in general first started reappearing and attacking Tokyo-3. It was in October of 0095--just shy of two years ago.
        
        "So... I think you must be right," he continues. He hopes he's right. "Maybe if I got to know him better..."
        
        His grimaces a bit, a contrast to the wistful look in his eyes. Fuyutsuki is not really any more approachable than his father, but Rei definitely is. They had a talk about his dad once, and she slapped him for badmouthing him. Maybe now they can talk more calmly about it.
        
        For now, he turns to Guy and gives him a little bow. "Thanks for this, Guy-san. It did help me think about things a little differently, and hopefully that'll be enough for me to keep moving forward and figure out an answer." He straightens and offers him a little smile. "...That's what Gridman would want too, right? To keep going and not give up, even if it's hard and painful."
        
        It's a little easier for him to believe in that, now. And that means he can have a little more hope, too.

<Pose Tracker> Guy Shishioh has posed.

Gendo has an interest in...Ayanami? That's...odd. Over his own son?

For someone like Guy Shishioh, who has only seen difficult family situations happen to other people, it's hard to wrap his head around. In the end, all he can do is look a bit puzzled, but nod. The anecdote about the first day is a matter of record, and he finds he can't quite blame Gendo for it. If there had been a backup for Guy, he can see something very similar having happened many times during the Primeval War.

If Guy had actually died...it might indeed have come to pass that they'd have had to try and make Mmaoru attempt Fusion. One of the many reasons Guy forced himself to fight on.

"If you want to understand him better, speaking honsetly to the people who do is a good start. Gridman's been good friends to both of you. Maybe that'll help you get started," Guy offers.

As for the rest: He nods, firmly, at that bow, tipping his head in reciprocation. "I think so. But, Shinji, one thing..."

Because Akane and Gridman would want something else, too, he thinks.

"Just...remember. Deciding you aren't going to get what you want from him is OK, too. Lots of people out there who have a difficult relationship to their family. I can't speak to how things were before, but you've got a lot of people around you now who care, alright?" 

<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.

        Shinji doesn't fully understand it either. His best guess is that--well, Rei's the First Child, after all. She's been around him for longer than anyone, and she has a taciturn disposition too. Ever since that first disastrous conversation they had about Gendo, he's never had the nerve the broach the subject with her since, so he doesn't know for sure. But now...
        
        "Yeah. Though Ayanami and I get along pretty well now. She's a lot warmer and happier than she used to be," Shinji says, smile growing a little more. "I'm sure Gridman's been a big part of why." Kaworu too, though he doesn't say so. That part... still makes him a little uncomfortable in ways he's not willing to delve into.
        
        But then Guy says that it would be okay for Shinji to just not have a relationship with his father. That he has lots of other people who care about him now.
        
        And... it's true. He came here with Kaworu and Rei because of their mutual caring for Gridman, and besides them, there were Rikka and Utsumi and Liam, and Nidaime wasn't here in person but Knight came for the both of them, he thinks... And of course there's Asuka--Asuka, who didn't show up either, but who always has to be complicated with how she shows her feelings.
        
        His smile warms along with his cheeks. He still craves something from his father, and so he does want to at least try, but... the reminder that he's not alone genuinely is appreciated.
        
        "Thank you, Guy-san. You're right," he says quietly. "I'll remember."

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