2023-07-22: On Being Light
- Cast: Gai Kurenai, Gridman
- Where: Tsutsujidai - Samurai Calibur's Home
- Date: U.C. 0097 07 22
- Summary: Gai Kurenai drops by to check on Gridman after the latter's disastrous confrontation between NERV and Duma. The young Hyper Agent unloads his deep-seated anxieties, and Ultraman Orb does his best to find common ground and offer Gridman some guidance.
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
While it is difficult indeed to find a home more eccentric than Buster Borr's, with their custom greenhouse that seems to have sprouted from within rather than been added on from without, Samurai Calibur /may/ be the one to take that particular crown.
When one walks inside, they are greeted by at least three cats of various shapes and sizes. Sturdy shelving has been built onto each wall, complete with arched tunnels between the walls, allowing for perfect feline travel among the rooms. The kitchen hosts a particularly impressive selection of cat-approved architecture -- a giant artificial tree that takes up the entirety of what /should/ be the dining room, judging by the other Neon Genesis Junior High Students' homes. A serviceable kitchen is left in-tact, though seating is at a premium.
It is here where we find Gridman, seated at the kitchen counter, studiously working with several textbooks open around him. Calibur himself is just behind, adding another level to the cat tree. It's a companionable sort of quiet -- two comrades working on their own projects without the need for words.
Of course, the cats would not be left out of this (or any) activity. Jian, the matriarch of the home, perches on the kitchen counter just to the side of Gridman's workspace, imperiously observing her domain. Two kittens (Tachi, and the one-eyed-three legged Gari) tumble around Calibur's feet, while one a bit older than the others (Estoc) insists on perching on the very branch the samurai is attempting to attach to the cat tree. Several others wander the shelves or bask in the sunlight -- it's difficult to come a solid number of how many cats are present, but it's probably more than should be in one home. Somehow, there is no odor, nor any visible shed fur. Calibur's house smells entirely neutral.
Should someone knock at the door (there is no doorbell, you see, it upset the neurotic and short-haired Harpe and was removed), they will be greeted with a loud "WAUUU" from within. Samurai Calibur has his own take on a security system, it seems.
<Pose Tracker> Gai Kurenai has posed.
Tap tap tap. "WAUUUUUUU"
A guest has arrived!
Once welcomed in to Chateau Calibur, Gai Kurenai looks around, taking in the Cat-Designed interior and smiling softly, removing his hat and coat. "Calibur-san," he says with a nod. "Is Gridman-san here? I thought I'd check up on him after the Duma incidents."
"This is... quite a family you've collected," he says, watching another cat approach his hat and sniff curiously before reaching out to scratch it between the ears. "Which one is the biggest menace?"
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
"H--hello." Calibur greets Gai, his expression as placid as ever. "P--please come inside."
Gai is watched from one of the shelves by a speckled, sand-colored cat. He looks a bit like a teeny leopard, albeit a very friendly one. Calibur stops to scratch beneath this one's chin, revealing a collar and nametag, bearing the name 'Ida'.
"Is that Gai?" Gridman calls from the kitchen.
Calibur, in place of an answer, leads Gai into the kitchen. Gridman stands, smiling as he walks over. Tachi and Gari, the kitten duo, scamper up to Gai's feet curiously.
"Hmm." Calibur considers Gai's question very, very seriously. "O--of the permanent residents, that would be Estoc."
He gestures to the cat perched on the half-attached branch. Estoc, it seems, is determined to be Helpful. Unfortunately, he is also very orange, with all of the brainpower such coloration signifies.
Calibur shifts his gaze to Gridman, then. "G--Gai wishes to discuss the Duma incidents. D--do you wish to indulge him?"
"Oh." Gridman's smile falls, though he doesn't seem to take any time to consider Calibur's question. It'd be rude to turn down a guest, especially one they like as much as Gai. "Of course, Gai. Would you like any tea while we talk? There's enough space at the cabinet, if you don't mind humoring Jian."
In all her fluffy, matronly glory, Jian looks Gai over. Intelligence glimmers in her eyes. She considers him. She considers his presence. She considers the consequences of his visit. At length, it seems, she even accepts him, and her eyes squish to half their previous size. Jian blinks languidly at the Hyper Agent.
"Hmm." Is Calibur's remark -- though it sounds approving, though of who or what is a mystery.
<Pose Tracker> Gai Kurenai has posed.
"Ah, yes," Gai says, immediately understanding Estoc's nature, running a hand down the orange cat's back before reaching under him and scooping him up off the branch so Calibur can get back to work, then blinking slowly back at Jian. The sacred ritual complete, he now sits opposite Gridman, offering his hand for Jian to sniff.
"The encounter in the upper half of the colony was... difficult. I was worried we might have to fight." He frowns. "I hear there were complications with the second encounter?" He scritches Estoc under the chin.
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
"Mreh," offers Estoc as he is lifted, but he seems content enough with his fate. As he had settled onto the half-attached branch, he now settles into Gai's lap, folding his little legs beneath him.
Gridman sits back onto his stool, slowly closing textbooks and notebooks and putting away his school supplies. It's good to have something to do with his hands, and it's buying him time to figure out how to reply to Gai.
Jian, as if in on this plot, imperiously sniffs Gai's hand. It's a delicate motion -- she barely inclines her head to do so, and even the little twitches of her nose are dignified. As Gai knows the sacred ritual, he is already approved, but a good sniff can't hurt.
"'Complications' is putting it pretty nicely." Gridman says, quietly. "After we found Duma in the outskirts of the PLANT, Sigma and I went to talk to him... Warning him about NERV's extermination order. But Duma had a different plan. He pretty much wanted to Bujack," The kaiju is a verb now, apparently? "the entire world."
Calibur begins quietly working again, the capable sounds of his handiwork never overwhelming the conversation.
Gridman sighs, still unable to make eye contact with Gai. "He wanted Sigma and I to join him, but we couldn't. And we begged him to flee. But he still went to Tokyo-3. But Duma... he's a part of Tsutsujidai, now, so Calibur, Vit, my brother, and I went to protect him. It went... badly..."
"The NERV pilots can't disobey orders, and that Commander Ikari guy refused to even try and communicate with Duma. And Duma wouldn't stop doing his thing that makes everyone all complacent, so people were naturally freaked out!" Gridman squeezes his yellow eyes shut. "I kept begging everyone to listen to each other. Telling them we didn't have to fight. But I just got shot and stabbed, and I watched Duma get shot, too. He ran off, but I'm sure he'll come back."
Silence, broken only by Calibur's work and the sound of the two kittens scampering across the floor, chasing a mousey toy.
"I thought humanity was better than this." Gridman chokes out, blinking rapidly. "Why -- why can they fight with me, and listen to me, but refuse to give Duma a shot? We're not that different! I thought humans were supposed to be... More! Hopeful, and kind...! Not all of them, but -- but most of them!"
<Pose Tracker> Gai Kurenai has posed.
Gai listens, carefully. "I see. Duma's part of Tsutsujidai now?" He could sense its presence before now, of course, but...
"The entire world - all subject to that song of silence?" He grimaces. "Gridman, that can't be allowed to happen. The death toll would be catastrophic and immediate - every plane or shuttle pilot falling asleep? Construction workers? Hospitals?" He looks horrified.
"I understand - I would rather not fight Duma, myself - but..." He frowns. "This feels... familiar. It reminds me of my mission when I first gained my powers."
"Humanity is a very complicated species - their aspirations and goals can sometimes completely override their ability to be kind to other beings. Nevertheless..." He shrugs. "We all carry light and darkness within us, and to deny one is to weaken the other."
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
"No, not like that." Gridman replies, softly. "Duma just lived here for so long, he's practically a citizen. It's my duty to save him, as the city's protector."
Yellow eyes blink with horror, and the young Hyper Agent shakes his head. "No -- no! Duma changed his tactic. He just wants to force everyone to live in peace. Specifically in the way it used to be in Tsutsujidai, before the Venora were killed."
"I know it's wrong, and I know it can't happen. Even if I /did/ want to help Duma, I know humanity would never accept being stripped of their free will and ability to fight. Someone like Asuka," Gridman's hand absently touches a place on his thigh. "especially. She'd never, ever give up. She'd be miserable."
"Not to mention lots of others." Gridman murmurs. "But... Duma really, really doesn't understand. He views humanity as if they were children given shotguns and set loose. All they can do is hurt each other. Why is free will worth it when it causes so much suffering? ...oh, and Duma can affect Hyper Agents now, too, with his song. So be careful if you meet him again, Gai."
Despite Gai's reassurance, Gridman doesn't look convinced. Red hair is dull and unkempt, and this close, it's obvious Gridman hasn't been sleeping well. Judging by the pile of summer homework by his elbow, it seems he's running himself ragged.
"We're all banned from Tokyo-3 and the Geofront now. And I might've ruined my relationships." Gridman says, bitterly. "And nobody listened. It was all for nothing! If humanity can't forgive one innocent Angel who just wants to help, even if he's a little confused, then--!"
In the background, Calibur comes to a stop as Gridman raises his voice. The two kittens skitter toward the samurai's legs, startled, and even Jian regards him with alarm.
"Then there's no way I'll ever be forgiven for what I've done!" A fist slams down into Calibur's kitchen counter. "If the commanders of humanity, the ones who should be the best of the best, if they can't listen or understand, then what hope do I have that Yuta will!"
<Pose Tracker> Gai Kurenai has posed.
"... This isn't really about Duma, is it?" Gai asks, gently.
It's like looking into a mirror. So long ago, when he awoke knowing nothing of himself.
So long ago, he walked an Earth for a hundred years, burdened by guilt he did not deserve.
Determination creases his brow, and he leans forward. "You blame yourself for having Yuta as your host."
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
Gridman looks shocked at his own words, immediately snapping his mouth shut. His footsteps silent, Calibur approaches, placing a hand on Gridman's shoulder.
"G--Gai will understand." The samurai offers, as his comrade stares down at the counter.
After a moment, Gridman offers a faint nod. "He didn't get to choose. I think. I was dying, and desperate, and clung onto him without his consent. It's been more than a year, Gai. More than a year of his life, gone, used up for a fight he knows nothing about. I took over the body of a child and nearly got him killed over and over."
<Pose Tracker> Gai Kurenai has posed.
Calibur's ability to move gently is very impressive, to Gai, who tries to cultivate similar behaviour.
"It's alright, Gridman," he says, agreeing with Calibur.
He purses his lips as the younger being in a younger body explains. "You didn't even understand what was going on for most of this fight, right? It's only recently that you've become aware of your nature - and you still don't remember exactly what happened to wound you that badly, do you?"
He considers. "... I think maybe you and Yuta are both still healing?"
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
"It's not." Gridman insists. "It's unforgivable."
As the younger Hyper Agent goes silent, Calibur makes eye contact with Gai. There's uncharacteristic worry within his gaze, his slight frown carving deeper lines than usual in his face.
"Y--you are correct. A--all any of us can remember is being stabbed by Alexis Kerib. W--we have worked out that it sundered Gridman's soul, creating the four of us." Calibur offers, in his minimal way of speaking. "G--Gridman believes. H--he latched onto Yuta Hibiki as a drowning person might accidentally kill their would-be rescuer, in a panic. B--but we do not know what happened with any certainty."
Gridman shakes his head, eyes shadowed by his bangs. "No. I'm keeping him asleep. And I'll keep doing it until Alexis is gone. Even though it's wrong."
<Pose Tracker> Gai Kurenai has posed.
"Wouldn't that be for Yuta to decide?" Gai points out with a wry smile when Gridman calls his actions unforgivable.
"... My experience becoming Ultraman was... very different from most. I'm given to understand that most of the time in these situations, a Being of Light like us - " 'Being', not 'Vessel', a very specific phrasing - "is drawn to a soul of a certain nature in peril, and makes a symbiotic bond with them to bring them back to health - while healing themselves. I suppose I could do something similar, but... I wouldn't know how until it became necessary."
"Perhaps the situation with Yuta was not so dire as you think? Perhaps he was in danger, and bonding to his soul is what saved you both?"
Gridman says he's keeping Yuta asleep, and Gai frowns. "... Perhaps you should consider waking him up, to speak to him."
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
"I -- I guess it would be, but..." Gridman's voice wobbles. "How else could he feel? After everything I've done?"
Though he doesn't look up, it's clear Gridman is listening to Gai. The use of 'Being' gets a slight tilt of his head -- it's not something he's heard before. It offers so much more agency than the more frequently used 'Vessel'.
"Y--Yuta was outside Rikka's home when they bonded. I--I cannot imagine what peril he would have been in." Calibur is, as ever, blunt and honest. "B--but we cannot truly know."
"What, like, he had a freak heart attack or something?" Gridman scoffs. "Repli-Compoids have perfect bodies. I bet there's never been a heart attack in all of Tsutsujidai."
And then, at Gai's words, Gridman stiffens, then shakes his head once more. "I can't. If he asked me to leave, I'd leave, and then there'd be no one to stop Alexis Kerib. And. I don't... want to go. I'm not ready."
Gridman's voice drips with shame and fear. As if to hide this, he brings both hands up to hide his face, which finally stirs the matriarch of the home into action. Jian stands, stretches, and walks to Gridman, rubbing her face softly against the young Hyper Agent's raised arms.
<Pose Tracker> Gai Kurenai has posed.
It really is like looking into a mirror that shows him his past. Gai lets out a sigh.
"You're afraid of yourself," he says. "Of your abilities and powers, and of being cast out by humanity for being other - or of hurting them."
Maybe if he offers advice now he can stave off a century of Gridman feeling this way.
"You are not alone, Gridman. Your comrades might have started out as fragments of your soul, but they've grown to be so much more - and you have my support against Alexis Kerib, no matter what. I can and will fight for you if you can't."
"I understand being afraid of hurting the people you're supposed to be protecting, though. Once, I thought that a battle against a kaiju had taken someone very dear to me, and it took a hundred years before I found out that it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it had been. I don't want to see you let this fester for even half as long - you can't make amends once they're gone."
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
At the sound of Gai sighing, Gridman shakes himself, finally turning to face his companion. "I'm so sorry. I've been making this all about me. You came here to check on me, and I've been so rude..."
With a thankful glance to Calibur, Gridman stands and bows low before Gai. "Please forgive my thoughtlessness, Gai. I'm so sorry."
"You're right about my comrades." Gridman says, with a wobbly smile, as he sits down again. He's trying his hardest to turn this conversation around. "Each of them is very, very important to me. They're all individuals, they deserve the lives they've created for themselves."
Calibur gives Gridman a tiny little smile.
"And I'll be counting on you, too, Gai. Alexis... We /will/ find him, and..." Gridman deflates a little. "...I'll do what I have to. I can't allow him to hurt anyone else ever again."
Red eyebrows furrow in sympathy at Gai's story, Gridman's hard-won wobbly smile vanishing. "I'm so sorry... I can't imagine feeling that kind of grief for a hundred years. I'm glad you found out it wasn't as bad. If you ever need to talk, Gai, we're all here for you."
On cue, Calibur nods.
"I'm not someone who can make decisions for humanity. I'm an outsider, that's undeniable. But I'm here to fight for and protect them. And as long as I'm here... Unless they reject me, I'll keep fighting."
<Pose Tracker> Gai Kurenai has posed.
"You don't need to apologise for that. How am I supposed to offer advice if I can't find out what's troubling you?" The man with the impossibly-deep dark eyes smiles. "Like I said; I understand something of what you're going through. I even sealed my true powers away for a time, so horrified was I by them - I had just recovered from my own bout with amnesia at the time, so they were still unfamiliar and terrifying to me."
He shakes his head. "It was a long time ago, but if the lessons I learned can help you, I'm happy to share them - to try and lay a path for you to figure out how to move forwards."
"Is there anything else I can help with?" He glances down at the pile of textbooks. "... Other than homework, I mean - I'm even more of an outsider to this Earth than you are, after all." He grins.
<Pose Tracker> Gridman has posed.
"O--oh." Gridman blinks at Gai's words. Once, then twice. "I didn't want to be a burden, but if you're sure.."
Though he still looks unsure, Gridman turns to Gai, nervously listening as the older Hyper Agent speaks. Satisfied by this, Calibur returns to his work on the cat tree.
"I haven't sealed my powers or anything, but I know there's at least one I can't access right now. I think Alexis made me lose it." Gridman shrugs, trying to disguise how deeply frustrated he is at not being able to figure out 'Fixer Beam' -- whatever that is. "I can understand how scary it is to know nothing but that you're different from the people around you. I'm sorry you had to go through that."
Gridman reaches out to pet Jian, which the stately old cat accepts. "I know I have a lot left to learn. Any knowledge you're willing to offer would be /really/ appreciated."
"Umm... Well." Gridman laughs awkwardly. "The homework is pretty rough, but what's really bothering me... Maybe you'll be able to help. Even though I don't want to, I know I'm going to have to leave sometime. You've lived a really long time, Gai. How do you handle... leaving people behind? Or saying goodbye to them? Is it better just to leave and not tell anyone?"
<Pose Tracker> Gai Kurenai has posed.
"Comrades share each others' burdens, Gridman," Gai says easily, smiling.
Leaving... He shakes his head. "You should always say goodbye. Leaving without telling anyone - that's just running away. It's what I did when I thought Natasha was gone, and it's why it took so long to find out that she didn't die in that battle - I was too ashamed and afraid to go back to the site of the battle and confront what I'd done."
"Besides - " here his smile becomes much warmer and fonder - "You're not leaving them behind. I may never be able to see any of my old friends again, but our adventures together, and the lessons they taught me, are things I will carry with me as long as I live. My coat and hat, and this necklace - " he indicates the shark's teeth threaded through with a thin leather strap hanging around his neck - "are gifts from fallen friends, too. You and the rest of the Gridman Alliance will, likely, one day be apart from each other, but you will always be connected."