2023-07-04: Girl's First Requiem
- Cast: Sousuke Sagara, Teletha Testarossa
- Where: Merida Island
- Date: U.C. 0097 07 04
- Summary: A personal visit from Uruz-7 breaks the dam of suppressed emotions.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
In the rush of everything, all the chaos following the attack, obviously, everyone has had a lot to think about and a lot to do. Sousuke had a more than slightly traumatic time of his own, but...in a way, he's used to that. Betrayal, bullets flying. Compared to his experiences, he'd call this tame.
Perhaps that's why it took until today. When he'd commented that it seemed like the Colonel's burden must be terrible right now, Mao mushed him by the cheeks and said, 'You haven't even checked on Tessa yet!? Go see her! Double time!'
Perhaps...that is his responsibility, isn't it? As her...boyfriend. "Mndrshtd," he had said.
And so, Sousuke comes to Tessa's office at a point when it looks like she has no pending appointments, and knocks.
oh no does he have to get past the secretary. oh no
<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.
Work rarely ended, but it was beginning to taper off; There was no real sense to having endless files and conversations and meetings about this and that. Right now, the properly delegated forces of Mithril were sequestering themselves into their own duties: Removing all traces of the two traitors, finding out the source of the leak, on and on to prevent such a thing from happening again. It stung even moreso, two people hired from outside recommendations rather than a trusted compatriot of the Shuffle Alliance in general.
But she could relax. The secretary, luckily enough, was on break (and in-tune enough with Tessa's heart to allow for Sousuke to go regardless). All she could do was lean back, sigh, and let the world wash over her for a few.
"Come in." The strong voice of a Captain coming from within, sitting herself up and making herself look presentable as one could be under strenuous circumstances.
There was the slight eyeraise at the sight of the SRT member. "Sagara." Still in work mode. "HOw have you been the past few days?"
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke has the look of a man who wandered into the wrong department for a moment. "Ma'am," is his greeting, as informal as he can get it out of his mouth. He walks in, and...
Does sitting convey what he wants... ...sure, why not. He takes the usual seat.
"I have been recovering," he says. "Doctor Goldberry was able to get the bullet out without complications. It..." He grimces. "Appears most of the submarine heard my outburst at the end of the battle. I..."
He stops himself short of apologizing. It was improper decorum, maybe. Also he punched the ship. But...
"Gauron...has taken much from me," is his explanation, instead. "And nearly took two more very precious things." He lets himself smile at her, more like he does at school than the dour face he usually wears on the island.
<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.
Her own movements are lightly stilted, watching the soldier move with a close, analytical eye. There's nothing that she particularly has to think about to understand Sousuke's own emotions; For as much he was a total brick, once you understood why, the reasonings became straightforward.
"So it did. No one blames you for that." Kurz was prone to exaggerating things, but he certainly had a kernel of truth for his next off-duty vacation. "Nor should you apologize for it." On the contrary.
In the thoughts that she marinated in after the entire debacle, she had to think: It was nice that he's been able to express something like that. It's healthy. Good.
She does pause at the smile. "...Which...would be?" It's important to learn exactly what he thinks. What his thought process was. As blatantly obvious as the implication was...It was important to actually say it.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
It's like watching Pinocchio, some days, as Sousuke slowly learns how to...be. The time was he wouldn't have had the slightest clue how to present in a situation like this. He's growing out of the shell he once inhabited, even if he doesn't, entirely, understand that that's happening, himself.
She prods him. She does like it when he says it, doesn't she? He's starting to understand that much. "For all that Gauron has seemed more cheerful the last few times we met. But he seems hollow, as well. Like there were nothing holding him up." ...not an answer to her question. Don't talk to your girlfriends like that! He can practically hear Kurz carping at him. "I can hardly imagine continuing on without you and Kaname, Tessa," he says, and switches to the informal nickname in the same step. "I don't know how to be good to you. Mao had to yell at me before I even thought of coming here. But the thought that he'd hurt you made it hard to breathe. And having to leave you like that on the bridge to chase him was torture."
<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.
The prodding is an intentional thing. Pushing, encourging him bit by bit. It may be the hormones, but surely, Tessa wouldn't know such a thing, and to use it in such a place when separated by rank, right? (The answer is no.)
The Captain does watch the soldier under her command closely. The minute facial expressions, the way he shifts in his chair and gives off the emotional beats. Akin to reading a book, to allow the emotions to manifest not from her own conclusions, but from the person themselves.
It's an important step in self-actualization.
Garuon is dead. That's what she hoped was the final conclusion on the matter, gigantic explosion included. "That's...Good. That's real good. Isn't that nice, Sousuke? You're able to express yourself like that." That's good, that's good, that's good... "It's what you're meant to do, Sousuke. I can't blame you for it, and everyone would agree that chasing after him was the right thing to do."
She leaned back on the chair, trying to keep that manegerial smile on her face. The bags from tiredness and stress had accented themselves slightly more under her eyes, that smile slightly more self-depreciative than last. "I was lucky when Chienne shot at me. If she had the sense to target a few centimeters more to the right..." Trailing off. A small sniff.
"You don't have to know how to be good to your girlfriends. I don't know, either. Kaname wouldn't, considering she isn't exactly a normal civilian nowe. We just have to keep trying."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Isn't that nice? Hm. "I would not have thought to say it before," he muses. "But...yes. It's nice to say so." To finally feel like he can put some of these feelings into words...
Which is why when he looks back at her and sees that formalized smile on her face... "I did my best to interfere. But yes...that was also a frightening scene. What a dangerous woman."
She assures him, and he looks at her. Sousuke can be difficult, sometimes, because what he's looking at and looking for don't always align. Still...he's not awful at reading people. He just misjudges their intentions. But at a moment like this, he says, quietly, "Tessa..." and he doesn't quite understand the thought bubbling in his hindbrain. "I appreciate the assurance. Still. You two have asked something extraordinary of me. I feel as though I want to rise to that."
Then, after another moment's thought, he says, "...may I approach?"
<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.
"It's important to keep talking to express what you think." If only she could apply that to herself. "Conceptualizing what's inside into words others will understand will help in most situations." Situations that don't involve suicide by bomb.
"We'll...be looking out for her. Gauron was the one who had the card to hijack DANA, but the amount of people capable of understanding the language can be counted on one hand. One is dead, two are accounted for." ...Frustrating, even after this. "Once we know where to look, we can consider the retrieval of whomever did it top priority." Mithril does not suffer traitors lightly.
But, she's still trying to keep herself going. Keep up. There's still so much left to do. So much to keep striving for. So much that she can't look back on this, so much... "And we'll be there to help you." As much as they could. "...And others around you. Don't stop when you can't process something." She leaning into formal rambling again. To keep herself going "As well as knowing when to push and when to sit back."
The Captain, however, pauses. Freezing for a second, taking a breath.
"You may." After a few seconds, that face contorting in confusion, in frustration, in trembling shoulders as she tries to avert her gaze.
She has to keep going.
Sousuke Sagara's pose:
Sousuke can sense it when the facade starts to crack. He senses so little beneath it. He can see her, the girl he lets himself see when Tessa in turn lets him see her. So small and fragile. Something you could break without effort. The kind of person a life like theirs destroys. But she's holding herself together, putting herself together when something does fail, and...
He stands, and does not step up to the desk; rather, he steps around, to her, and firmly reaches around her head to pull her against his firm chest.
"Tessa," he says, quietly. "You did so well. I know it doesn't feel that way. But you did. You saved everyone you could possibly save. When you showed them your fangs on the bridge, I..."
"...all I could think was you'd never been more beautiful."
<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.
Her eyes refuse to glance over at the incoming body of Sousuke, noting how he stepped around the desk. The thumps of boots against the floor, the slow embrace, the way she leaned in slightly against the comforting hug. She's stiff as a board, refusing to try and move in.
...She couldn't save everyone.
Her face warps, mouth twisting in unused, unfamiliar ways. To keep the dam inside, to try and keep herself composed in face of the overwhelming warth. To hold back a sniffle, and another, and another. A hand reached up, grasping at Sousuke's arm.
She can't bear to look at someone giving such kindness to a person who failed in their duty. Tugging herself in, words failing to form under the tearful sobs. To merely hold herself there and vent out the sorrow in her heart.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
So this is...
Tessa crumbles in his arms. Is she trying to escape, or secure herself, as her fingers grasp? He actually can't tell. But...he knows, somehow, that here is where they both need to be.
One hand drifts lower, down her back, a reflexive motion to rub there. The other holds her head gently. Is this...right? Yeah. Yes, it must be.
She trembles against him, wordless wails falling out of her. Likewise, he has so few words to say now. Except for, "It's alright," he says. "I won't go." He doesn't entirely understand the small, encouraging smile on his own face.
He should feel at a loss, maybe. But as is so often the case, he performs best when there's no time to think. "Let it out. I don't quite understand...but I think a girl should be able to show this side to her boyfriend." That feels...right. Yeah.
<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.
The girl is holding herself close, burying herself into Sousuke's hug with nothing else than pure instinct, pushing out all the sadness, all the frustration, all the anxiety, all the mixture of emotions in those gutwrenching sobs, trying to muffle them as best she could. Holding tight, holding strong...Refusing to let go.
It eventually subsides, keeping her head downcast as the initial dam break wears off, the teenager trying to compose herself back together. All this would be for nothing if she didn't pick herself back up. All this would be for naught if she didn't keep going. This was not the end; Only a transition.
All those thoughts in her head, and she stays silent. To let it all out...Catharic. Something she couldn't normally do. Something that ripped at her heart, something that tugged at her soul.
It took a bit for her to speak up after a long while. "...Mhm. I know." It's a pathetic sight. She has to do better. "We can't...I can't let anyone else die."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
He holds her. That's...his role, in this moment. His responsibility is to impress upon her his presence, and...and more. He can do this. Understanding it in this way allows him to proceed.
She weeps more bitterly than he can remember seeing a girl cry, but he holds on still, feeling pain in his own chest at the sight. He can't understand her pain, not precisely. She thinks in ways and about things he simply does not. But he can hate to see her shudder herself apart this way, and do his best to let her release this pain from inside her. He rubs her back again.
As Tessa slowly recovers herself...he does not immediately let go. His grip loosens, reflexes he doesn't understand about how to hold another, but he feels he wants this to continue.
He feels like that's not quite right, but...it is the role of the commander to think about such things. To take responsibility for such things. He can't quite work his mind around to the thought of refuting the feeling. He knows, on some level, that it is an impossible ask. They're a military unit. People die in combat. Battles are lost in war. These are inevitabilities. Even Bani had admitted it, in that letter he had left for AL's piilot: It was entirely possible that the only possibility Arbalest would achieve was rusting in a junkyard.
"Gauron couldn't have done it alone," he says, instead of any of that. "I don't know anything about keeping people alive. I am only slowly learning..." His hand strokes her neck, indicating their relationship to both of them. "...keeping people happy. But tell me where to go, and I'll be there."
He pulls back, just a little, to let Tessa look up and himself look down. "I won't forgive whoever let them do this, either," he says, seriously.