2023-06-29: .reality is a prison to be brokeN (chapteR III)
- Log: .reality is a prison to be brokeN (chapteR III)
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Elisa Kafim
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2023-06-29
- Summary: Visited by the Void during a nap, Yuliana wakes to deliver a scathing indictment of their progress, straight from the Woman who lives there. Both Elisa and Yuliana must subordinate to Her -- and so they pledge to do more for their cause. Elisa resolves to descend to the world and affect it more directly, while Yuliana promises to attend to Emptear and continue her efforts to synchronise with the massive super robot. They learn a name: Cypripedioidea. Who this was -- and the details of their invitation -- are yet beyond them, but they know that their efforts will lead to peace for all mankind. (CW: Eldritch horror)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana loves old movies -- REALLY old movies. The sort of old whose footage was lost before the Universal Century even began. No, the word for her favourites isn't old... these are ancient. Movies from this era aren't movies from this era, generally speaking -- most of the material is a secondary source.
Today, she's stolen Elisa to watch a reimagining of one of her favourite Soviet films. They go on for hours; Yuliana, of course, drapes over Elisa the whole time. Sometimes she's so occupied watching her wife, she forgets the screen entirely. But she's still quite comfortable, once it's done, and perhaps that explains their current position.
That is to say: Yuliana's taking a nap on Elisa's lap.
Yuliana has turned her back to the world, towards Elisa; her legs curl, loosely, on their rich and comfortable lounge, her purple dress draping about her knees. And for a time, she remained the picture of comfort, sleeping as well as Yuliana can be expected to sleep, hands curled at Elisa's belly.
Not now.
Now they ball and clench at the fabric, there, tearing at the hems even in slumber. The tension which bled from Yuliana's body on exposure to Elisa has returned, full force. She hasn't woken, despite it -- with key exceptions. The snakes which slip from her spine, all slithering from her backless dress, are more active than ever. They raise what passes for their faces to the world, and their raised crests vibrate as the jaws which are their claws flex in and out. The rapid movements create a sound much like hissing -- but not the kind heard from a cat; no, it's an arachnoid sound, or perhaps insectlike. More a sound made by chitin than a throat, though it's difficult to describe the Void's crests as being made from something so comprehensible.
Her frills, as well, have extended -- and they tremble, bonelessly, as if to match the shivering of Yuliana's skin. Her temperature has dropped; most people would need a tool to be sure of it, but Elisa's palm won't be confounded by her own body heat. (And Elisa is, as ever, perfectly attuned to her wife.) If she slips a finger to her pulse, she will find it rapid and irregular, as if her body keeps stumbling in its efforts to catch up. She need not move at all to see Yuliana's hyperventilation, too quick and too shallow, chest heaving with the effort against Elisa's legs.
Elisa knows what this is, of course. It happens all too often -- or perhaps not yet often enough.
This is what Yuliana's communion looks like from the outside, when she is given long hours to attune herself to the Void and receive Her desires.
It was not always this... taxing. For all Yuliana has grown closer and closer to the Void, the Void has only grown more and more demanding. Perhaps this level and volume of insight would have killed her, when they began. No -- certainly so.
It is hard on her.
But dreams are where her Sight is clearest.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa has acquired a taste for these old movies. Oh, to be sure, she's mostly paying attention to Yuliana, but even the most terrifying witch is not entirely immune to pleasant associations. It is a good time. ...Or, it was. Elisa, distantly, has come to know some of these movies, not because she particularly cares about the ancient world, but because they're on and Yuliana is asleep.
But it's over now, of course. The film. Not the evening. Elisa absently pets Yuliana's hair as she considers, and then she notices that tension--the way the snakes move active, 'hiss' in their strange way. She considers it. Once, she would have been inclined simply to soothe these dreams away. To take little stock of them but for the distress they cause her wife. However...
It is not so simple as that.
Elisa takes note of each of these details, judging Yuliana's condition, how much she can handle. She is well aware that it has grown worse over time. It is likely to for some time yet.
She does in fact slip a finger to her pulse, and then she considers further, debating whether yet to wake her.
"Shh," she starts, and soothingly strokes. "It is all right. Listen, and you can rise, and tell me. I am here."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhEHhNxkYMo Florence + the Machine - Cassandra
Elisa's hand, on her hair; her voice, in her ears. Yuliana hears them, in some fashion. She can rise... she will. Her gasp is agonised, as she clenches at Elisa's dress more deliberately, now. "Wait!" She cries, and her eyes open but she's not looking at Elisa, not really. "Please, I--!!"
Her eyes blink, teal lashes over those endless green mirrors, as she realises she's awake. A little tug, of her hands, as she grimaces. Her head doesn't make sense. The words -- "begin again. Begin again. All matter lost." They are distant recital, their emotions recalled. "Where is the interloper? The interloper is mine. Transgress grasp the enemy's tools. Yet they're borrowed!" It's almost possible to say she is looking at Elisa, as she stares up, through her. "Insufficient!"
Yuliana gasps, through open lips. "Softer, yet softer, the sacrifice isn't. Was not! Five point one, repeating. Litany of failure! Create the way." A hand wrenches at Elisa's front, as Yuliana drags herself upwards, insistent. "Blood is the way. Blood paved the path. Cypripedioidea's invitati... oh"
All a sudden her upward movement drops like a stone, and so does she. Gripped by syncope, she falls slack and helpless; one of those snakes buries its claws into the plush cushioning, to anchor half of her to the couch, but she has no way to protect the rest of herself.
She just woke up, and she's already fainting.
It's not even the first time. She's woken blind or deaf or insensate, grasping for Elisa's comfort, after She took her eyes or her ears or the skin from her flesh; she has seized, in bed against her, where the damage was too extensive to localise. Elisa is a neurologist -- surely she recognises somatic symptoms, where the body reflects the brain's maladies despite lack of physical cause. These episodes still aren't frequent -- but ever since she connected with Emptear, her body's started protesting, in the wake of her worst visions.
And always, always, these ill-effects of the Void drawing too close are delayed -- as if it takes time for her body to register the hell her heart knows. Time enough for her to relay what she has Seen, before her own sense and reason confuses the truth.
It won't be long until she wakes again. Ten more seconds, total.
She... should be fine.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Who listens, who listens? Elisa listens. Elisa watches. Yuliana clenches Elisa's dress, and Elisa stares severely down at Yuliana, her gaze softening when Yuliana's eyes open though she knows that she is not looking at her exactly. Begin again, begin again...
What does it mean?
"Blood is the way," Elisa repeats. She considers that name. That... Ah. there. "Yuliana?" Elisa asks, and she frowns, noticing her drop. Elisa catches her, does not let her fall. It is not the first time, no, but it is a problem nonetheless.
It takes time...
Hm.
Ten more seconds, and Elisa shall wait through each of them. "I know. We have not yet succeeded. And yet..."
What next?
"The obstacle in our path... Yes, we must identify these. Yes..."
Borrowed tools. Transgression. Interlopers.
"Return to me, my Yuliana. I will guide us."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Return, to...
"Nn..." Yuliana mumbles, as her eyes scrunch, blinking open with some effort. She's too fragile and small in Elisa's arms to remember not to say: "I'm sorry... She told me to relax, and... I guess my body heard Her." She is ashamed, frill wilting with her expression, as she excuses herself: "I just couldn't bear it..."
What she bears, she leaves unsaid. She's described it, here and there. The unmaking, the way She is never satisfied with Yuliana's shape, worrying her like dog to bone. Yuliana's described it as anxiety, though she's never quite sure. The Empress at the End of All Things... just can't leave her alone.
Perhaps her pleading, before she knew she was awake, will have to paint the picture today; Yuliana shrinks, and glances away, and adds nothing to the thought.
Instead: "She's still... angry, Elya. Those people, when their wretched machines fouled Emptear -- they really did offend Her!" Yuliana is being kind, in her estimation of who's offended Her.
Yuliana doesn't know what five-and-a-bit refers to.
She reaches up -- fingers trembling -- to press her hand to Elisa's cheek, as finally, finally, her gaze orients on her true. It's so hard to tell, now they're this endless green. It's hard to tell, but surely Elisa can tell, anyway.
Elisa's always known where she's looking.
"What..." The question hangs in the air, for a fragile moment, before Yuliana frowns and bids herself to focus. "Sputnica zhizni, what does it mean? The wards become words in my head, but I don't, I don't know what I'm saying..." Her voice trembles, too; she needs Elisa's guidance more than ever, after times like this.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"It is all right," Elisa says. She notices those excuses, and she wishes to brush them away, for Yuliana is clearly doing the best that she can. What she bears, Elisa knows as well as it is possible for her to know, in the moment. Worrying...
It does paint the picture. It is enough. For now.
"Yes, She is angry," Elisa agrees, but she does not think it is only them, either. There is more to do...
She knows. She does not say.
Elisa can tell. She knows, always, where Yuliana is looking. "...What it means.."
"We have been too kind," Elisa decides. "We are being too easy, too soft on this world. She speaks of softness. Where we do not act, She sees. Blood is the way. Yes... The invitation..." She grows distant, for a moment, thoughtful.
"Ahem."
Insufficient... yes.
"I must do more. Yes, that is the answer. I must take a more direct hand."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Elisa is happy to excuse her, and Yuliana is happy to be excused, relief flooding over her face for a moment. She must bear this, after all, not only because it is Her will --
But because Elisa needs her to do so.
Elisa tells her what it means, and she listens, and she frowns; her hand lowers, to clasp at her own chest. "I..." she starts, her frill wilting, her brow knitting in worry. "I've been too kind, haven't I? I... I got distracted... but I should have known She'd scrutinise it. She's always with me..."
With a discomforted little noise at the back of her throat, Yuliana reaches up, to Elisa's shoulder, to try and right herself. Surely she'll need Elisa's help -- or in any case, she'll have it; and once she's sitting up, she leans her weight against Elisa, as those things like snakes coil around her waist to bind the two together.
"What will you do, Elya?" Yuliana asks, quietly, all tilted up to murmur into her ear.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Yes. Elisa needs Yuliana...
"It is natural, to wish to help. But in delaying our goals, we allow that which is wrong to persist far longer than otherwise. ...Yes, it is time for more drastic action, and soon."
Elisa helps Yuliana, and she waits for Yuliana to lean against her, for those snakes. And once the question is asked, Elisa is thoughtful.
"Continue my work. But perhaps... Yes, perhaps more. Perhaps it is time to see greater returns."
"Something... different. Something we must..."
She doesn't know, yet, and Elisa's lips curl at the edges in something like frustration.
"Well, worry not," she says, her expression calming. "We will decide. We will ensure what must happen comes to pass."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And Yuliana needs Elisa.
"Yes," Yuliana cedes, again, so easily. "Yes. We must act." There is no other explanation for the explanation Elisa's given her.
Yuliana nuzzles at Elisa's neck, seeing that little grimace from the corner of her eye. "We will," she says, and it's her turn to try to assure her wife, now. "Perhaps..."
She pauses, but not for long. Just long enough for her to pull back far enough to look at Elisa properly, it seems. "I have come far away with you," she says, "and I'm happy here, zhenushka." She is. There's no hint of a lie in her tone, in her face, and these are the only ways a good woman should tell. "But there may be resources in this world you do not see, when you don't grant it your presence. Other people really exist... that means they might be helpful to us, don't you think?" With a petty little edge, she adds: "They could do that little, for the future."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa has responsibilities, after all. And here... Yuliana is the one to reassure her. Elisa smiles, faintly, stroking Yuliana's arm. "Ah, and you see my concern..."
But Yuliana pulls back to look at her. There is no lie; Elisa sees none, and of course she would 'sense' none, does not have that particular horror.
"To grant the world my presence..."
"Yes. I think this is what must be done, you are right. There are many resources I have only met secondhand. Many things I can do, out in the world, now that we are established here. Perhaps... that is the answer, then."
"They could do that much."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana feels Elisa's cool fingers, on her arm, and focuses on the feeling. She's here... she's here, and Yuliana is here, too.
She's so lucky.
"I get entangled in this world too easily," Yuliana admits, and has the decency to be ashamed of it. "I have found a dozen little hobbies and diversions... but you have so much more clarity, Elya," and this, in turn, she admires. "I am sure you would see the opportunities out there, if you just gave them the opportunity to serve. You know, why not start with that restaurant of yours...? It may be able to do more for you than offer a little passive energy."
She smiles, and her leg crosses over -- and tucks in against Elisa's leg instead of her own. "Or perhaps you will find other projects to lend you power. A jewellery line, perhaps? Or a health application? Perhaps a theatre..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Her cool fingers are strong, and dexterous. Perfect for holding, if one can do without warmth.
"I do tend to stand more apart," Elisa admits. "Perhaps..." Her clarity. Yes, she admires it. It is good, to have such clarity. "Yes, I did have plans for that restaurant, things I could consider..."
Then she nods, as Yuliana moves closer. "Yes, all of those things are good ideas. And if nothing else, perhaps it is time for me to meet more of our assets myself..."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana doesn't mind Elisa's chilly nature. After all... she never has to worry about overheating, draping over her like this.
Though, it feels like Yuliana's only ever getting colder, lately.
"I'm even fond of some of them," Yuliana says, though she doesn't, tellingly, contest the way Elisa calls them their assets. "Particularly the youth... they have some potential, you know." Yuliana is the mothering sort; no wonder she's found some younglings to nurture.
Surely no one would question her parenting style.
"And I... I will apply myself to Emptear," she resolves, with a moment's hitch in her breath. "I must know her ways better than I do, if we are to succeed in our next act. I'll spend less time on those little outings..." She takes her correction with... reasonable humility, at least. As much as someone like her can be expected to have. She isn't able to quite look happy about it, but, well -- she's a little ashamed she's disappointed Her, and who wouldn't be? Even so, she has to take responsibility for it.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Colder, and colder...
"You are," Elisa says. "Of course. It is very perceptive of you to see it. But we must be wary of entangling ourselves too much." Elisa is sure of this much, now. However...
"Yes," Elisa says. "It is important that you and Emptear are able to act as one. For you are. Emptear is your armor, is made specifically for you."
Even if she's not happy about it...
"Yes, indeed. There will still be time, I am sure. I especially... must act."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Yes... of course, you're right, zhenushka." Yuliana smiles, and accepts it so easily.
As she accepts this: "We are one," she affirms, reaching up to cradle Elisa's cheek again. "It is... thrilling. Overwhelmingly so... there is no limit between me and the world I tear apart. When I'm with Emptear, I go on forever..." That level of synchonisation is something which the Awakened have struggled with for years -- and others, further out from them; Yuliana refers to none of them. "I must become more accustomed to her. I will." She promises her, and she promises Her.
And Elisa must act, too...
Yuliana's fingers reach back, to play through Elisa's infinite pony tail. "She said... 'Cypripedioidea'," Yuliana ventures, a touch haltingly. "Said it like flowers, or crystals, or a lady's slippers, or the unmarked grave... Elya, what does that mean?" She frowns, and she is troubled. "What does it mean... that we were invited?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Overwhelmingly so. Of course. And thus, "It will require work. It will require dedication. But I know that you have these things. You will do as you say, my darling. This, I am aware."
It is a promise, after all.
But what she said... Hmm. "...It is..."
Is she sure? Is this knowledge what it must be?
"It is a name," she says. "A name, of something important. But I do not know all that I would like of it yet. There were legends..." She shakes her head.
"You are the legend. We were invited. Long ago. This, I know. We did not come to Her call by coincidence. We were invited. It means that what we do is just. That what we do is necessary. That it is more than our own wish."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I do," Yuliana agrees, so, so easily. "I'm glad... I will honour you with the work, Elya." She does so value her promises...
(Yuliana breaks hers habitually, but she couldn't dishonour Elisa, that way.)
Elisa has an answer for her, though -- she always does; she straightens, a little, when Elisa shakes her head. An intake of breath.
She lets her finish, anyway.
"We were invited..." Yuliana echoes, at length, and lifts her head to press her forehead to Elisa's, fingers light against the back of her head. There she lingers, for a moment, as if drawing strength from being tangled so tightly against her.
"... Elya, when... when they... made me," she starts, haltingly, "Dr. Devi said -- she said I wasn't what they wanted. They were trying to... accomplish something else. What they put inside me... I wasn't meant to be this way. I wasn't meant to be a... black hole." She pauses, but there's no point looking away, when she's close as she is.
She hasn't read the files from the Institute, though surely Elisa hasn't kept them from her. Reading things which treat her that way... it makes her sick. She can't handle it. She left it to Elisa, gladly, at the very first offer or suggestion or mere implication.
She doesn't know the Dians are special. She doesn't know that ancient encounter was defined by peacekeeping, either.
"But -- but you're right. We're special, Elya, you and I. That's why we're the only ones who can make things right."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"You will."
They were invited, Elisa had said, and Elisa is willing to be strength embodied for Yuliana, to stay solid and secure here for her to hang onto. And what Yuliana says, it is something that holds need of that security. Something else they wanted to accomplish...
"Dr. Devi was and is a fool," Elisa says first. There is no point looking away, and Elisa remembers what those were said. What those things were...
"How could she know what she had? She scrabbled in the dirt, reaching down to touch the divine through layers of dirt and muck. She understood even less when I showed her power."
"She did not see the way forward. The way that this 'black hole', as you put it, will lead to peace for all mankind."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Elisa tells her she will, and Yuliana smiles.
She needs Elisa's strength, after all, and her stability. She has often said that Elisa is her rock: steady where she is tumultuous, deliberate where she is impulsive, calm where she is labile. Without her, she would surely drown.
(How she survived without her is a question she does not often look in the eye, save to be grateful she is hers, now.)
Elisa can feel the way Yuliana's brow knits, thinking of Dr. Devi and her foibles. "It's as she put it," she says, stormclouds across her tone. "And she didn't know anything... not a damn thing."
There's no real way for Yuliana to curl in closer than she is; she makes the effort, anyway. "She wanted to -- to mass-produce me," Yuliana hisses, and the scorn in her tone may only validate what Elisa doesn't say. "She just wanted another war-weapon... just to do what they'd always done! Elya... I'm so happy you found me." Yuliana sighs, letting go of that anger to sink into her wife again. "I can make no sense of my madness, but you've always been able to decipher it... I'd never see the way forward, if not for you."
Peace for all mankind...
Well, it's in her blood, isn't it?