2023-06-12: Strong Enough
- Log: 2023-06-12- Strong Enough
- Cast: Namiko, Akane Shinjo
- Where: Tsutsujidai - Junk Shop "Aya"
- OOC - IC Date: 0097-06-12
- Summary: Akane takes a break from holding down the fort after a particularly dense dinner hour, and Namiko comes and pokes around the Junk Shop's... well... junk. The two of them talk for the first time since Hass's rescue (let alone Rikka, Akane, and Alouette's), and things start spilling out all at once.
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Aya is and was, of course, the HQ of the Tsutsujidai Rescue Team, back when it was a full-time operation that had full-time responsibilities and not basically the local volunteer fire department for a region barely big enough to run out a properly sick wheelie. That does, however, mean that sometimes Namiko swings by not just to mooch off the Takaradas' supply of cakes but to see to Her Machine, That She Has.
The Neutron D3 is a modified first-generation Koubu, an inexplicable machine just as impossible as the rest of the beaters the Gridman Alliance made heavy use of. Its color scheme is a statement so specific you'd think Utsumi made it, because it is RED primary with SILVER accents.
Namiko just likes red, mostly.
It is even more improbable because it is, let us remind, a Koubu, a machine that stands 3 meters tall on its tippy toes. That has made it agreeable for disaster work in Tsutsujidai, but against kaiju, it's...
Well, it's a risky proposition for someone who is basically just here to cheer for people.
Namiko sits on its extra-thick arms, apparently doing nothing but sitting with it. She has a tea cup and is watching the horizon.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane, as it happens, also likes red.
She needs a break after a decently dense dinner hour -- it's not that she minds the chance to cook or the opportunity to help, but pretty much the second she got done being the only one holding down the fort while Rikka and her mom presumably got dinner somewhere else she decided it was a great time to close-except-for-friends.
She pokes her head out into the back, and spots -- Namiko! She'd seen her last night, of course, but that wasn't really an environment particularly conducive to having much of a conversation. This, however... almost demands it?
"Hey, Namiko," Akane leads, fairly subdued. She absently runs a hand through her own dark hair, pushing it back a tiny bit. "Last night was kinda a lot to process, huh? ... actually, the last, like, month has been pretty something-else."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Namiko is pulled back from eternity by Akane, and her expression almost visibly shifts gears a few times before she pulls out her big ol' kitty grin. "Hey!" she says, and somewhat awkwardly hops off the tall shoulder, catching a foothold halfway down before depositing herself on the junkyard dirt. "Akane! Looking good! I like the hair?" Did she say that already? It's been months, Akane's still mentally filed under lilac for her.
"Yeah, it really was," she says, laughing lightly, hand on her hip with that big grin splashed on her face. "Buncha guys from all over, huh? Felt like the dope representing the bumpkin brigade next to full-time pilots! But it's still our home, right?"
...that smile flickers and falters, and she huffs a breath, scratching stubby nails at the back of her neck. "...you're alright, yeah? We were so focused on Rikka, I never asked."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Sometimes Akane's still mentally filed under lilac for herself, so it doesn't register whether that's a topic they've already covered. "Thanks," she says, glancing up and then out toward the rest of the city -- then back toward Namiko again. She needs a second to steel herself for the enthusiasm of kittygrin.
"It's definitely still your home," Akane agrees, with a little smile. "I think... I'm still not used to thinking of it as just another place, but I'm kinda getting there." That topic's a little too melancholy to deep-dive with Namiko; she moves on to the check-in instead.
"I'm okay," she says, breathing a small sigh of relief. "Dinner rush was a little bigger than I thought I could handle, but I made it through! And the rest... as long as I stay focused on Rikka and Alouette it's okay." That raises some questions about the rest of the time -- but those are questions she's not inclined to touch. "What about you? Nouvelle Tokyo probably wasn't easy."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Namiko's eyes flick away a bit when she catches Akane exclude herself, but...she knows why. It's just. Hn. Instincts. "Yeah," she says, finally, managing to pull her smile back on. "It's...something we fought for."
She flinches after that because...did they fight her for it? K, kinda? Uhm. Looks like Akane's happy to talk about something else.
"That's good. I bet Rikka and her mama are real happy to have the help right now," Namiko nods, producing a thermos from, uh, behind her don't worry about it. "And..." The way her eyes briefly scan Akane's, she caught the omission, there, but she nods. "Well...." she smiles, trying to grin sincerely. "Just don't forget yourself while you're helping those two. Sounds like you had it rough in your own way. And talk to me and Hass sometimes! You know we'd base jump out the airlocks to help Rikka."
Then she bends with hands on her hips to give Akane a proper squinting. "And that means helping you now, too, miss hot catch girlfriend!" She does not poke Akane between the eyes but she thinks about it.
Standing back up straight, she immediately looks uncomfortable and retreats a bit when Nouvelle comes up, arm comingu p to rub at her other shoulder. "That was...not, a great vacation date, no," she sighs. "Triple zero's spooky on its own, especially when they've hit the whole substructure and turned into basically a massive self-expanding infusion chamber."
She visibly has to force herself to murmur, "And I didn't think seeing one of...those, again, would scare me so much."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
She can definitely agree that that was worth fighting for; her eyes flick away likewise, but she manages to recover in short order. If she was fought for it (spoilers: she was) she seems to think that kind of fighting was fine, and perhaps even deserved.
"Originally we were talking about closing up shop for a couple weeks to help, but... I thought it'd be better for me to help out? Like, it's easier if we spread this stuff out, you know?" She manages a smile back, and says, "If you wanna help, spending time with her's a good start. Or finding rides to treatment. Right now it's back and forth between Rikka's mom and one of 3G's car robots?" She pauses, gently tapping her own forehead in realization. "I could have asked Marusan for that... I think we're coming up on her one year small motorcycle license anniversary soon, so if this goes over-long I could ride pillion and all three of us could go... or she could bring someone else, too."
Being 'Miss Hot Catch Girlfriend' gets Akane to turn a little pink. "Is that seriously what you two are calling me," she mumbles. She doesn't linger on the fun part, though. "Okay, so -- one, that's way more about that than I kinda expected you to know, and... two, yeah. ... yeah." Akane tries to find the words to explore that a little bit. "That was probably the least forgivable part of the whole thing, and that kinda says something."
She pauses. "You wanna talk about it? Don't..." Her gaze tracks off to the side, again. "Don't hold back. I think I need to hear it."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
"Well, my only ride's Neutron here," Namiko says, jerking a thumb at the Koubu. "Which seats about two thirds of a person, so no dice there. Guess I could carry a seat...?" Like, in a box. "But if you need me to, like, accompany, sometime? Yeah I can do that. I'll see what else we can find."
Namiko does not have an easy chance to praise herself for embarrassing Akane...especially when Akane spears her with knowing a bit more about the situation than she maybe should, which makes her face scrunch unhappily. "...yeah," she says, agreeing with Akane's assessment. "Just from what I was seeing, it's a miracle Hass and I didn't turn. I think..." ...
She actually turns away a little, showing Akane her side and shoulder only. "...I think I was pretty close. I kept thinking...it wouldn't be so bad if I was with Hass. Aheh...p-pretty messed up, right?"
She takes a few steps, kicking legs up when Akane says not to hold back. "...yeah. Sorry. Alright." She pulls in a breath, a breathing exercise to center herself that Gai taught her. Passing strength and focus through that light inside her that the Neutron ignites. "I was so scared," she gets out, while she feels strong. "I was...so sure it was gonna....gonna squish us back down. Take away everything we've gained and become and turn us back into silly little girls. I...I don't even feel like I've done much. But I'm me! I'm...I'm something! I don't..." Her voice catches, and she blinks at tears. "I don't wanna just be a, a teapot!"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"I mean, if nothing else, there's the bus route for like half the way. You could run the rest of it with her on your shoulders," Akane teases. "... Actually I bet that would suck..."
It's what comes next that lances right through her gut. The followups don't go down easy, either. "I mean -- if this kinda stuff is messed up, I think we're both messed up," Akane answers her, much more serious now.
"I caught myself thinking that kinda stuff when I was on the Garuda with Rikka, too. Like... 'Would I even know what was missing if I just gave up? Like... if we got to the stage where we had to take a hard resupply, or if Murasame managed to get Rikka to restrain me, or --" She winces at that thought, and moves on. "You deserve the chance to pick that kinda thing for yourself." It's heavy to think about how close things came, several times, to that kind of ending.
She doesn't rush to hug Namiko -- she's not that strong. What she does manage is, "... I'm sorry for setting up a world where you have to be scared of that kind of thing. And I won't let it happen."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
"...yeah. And I'd be mad at you forever! So there's the answer, it would be bad."
This is about the level of levity she can muster while having a small breakdown. Akane's comfort is something, but something twists in her enough that she turns and snaps, "You won't--!? You provably can't--" before she cuts herself off, eyes going wide and her hands covering her mouth. She sinks to a crouch, a ball on the ground, hiding as much of herself as she can.
She sits there like a stewing kettle before she mutters, "Sorry."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Namiko strikes out at her -- and hits square-on. She turns fully away, not sinking to a crouch like Namiko does, but her fists ball up. She's tongue-tied long enough for Namiko to get out the 'sorry,' but at this point she's already having a time of it.
"I know! I completely missed everything going on with you and Hass! I couldn't stop them from getting Leina, or Rikka, or me --" This... sounds like something she's been holding in for a while. "That was the whole reason I kept trying to kill Gridman for so long! I didn't want this -- not for you or Rikka or anyone! This is just what -- this is just the stuff that happens out here!!"
Now she crouches. "... but it was happening in here, too, and I was too stupid to notice it was happening to me," she hisses -- mostly at herself.
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Namiko lets her speak, because she's aghast enough to know she deserves to say it. She rocks on her heels, still balled up. "The world outside....is really cruel," Namiko says, miserably. "When that thing had me, he used me to work on others. I still...remember stuff. Things about how kaiju work, how people work. How we work that isn't how humans work. How you use one to hurt the other. How you build something that hurts people when that's the only thing you want. When I was down there under Nouvelle, I could tell how well they put their trap together. Even make the exit something that funnels you straight to that horrible monster...genius."
She draws her arms around her knees. "So I know. I know really well how cruel it's possible to be. How the worst things out there think." She won't grant them personhood. They don't deserve it.
...Her head falls into her knees. She struggles to let herself breathe evenly, an uneven shudder as she sniffs. She wants to offer an olive branch, a turn of positivity. That's who she is, what she does, and...
She hiccups as her body betrays her. "Rikka's way too strong," she mutters. "if she's been facing all this the whole time."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
'The world outside is cruel.' The phrasing jolts Akane; there's this way her shoulders tense, drawing down and back, as Namiko says it. Hearing the word snaps her out of her self-castigation spiral instantly.
... that's the thinking Alexis used to turn her into someone desperate to kill someone -- anyone, from an ever-increasing list of options -- for the sake of withdrawing from it. The kind of thinking Dr. Murasame had used to turn Rikka into a weapon. Hearing it from Namiko -- hearing her talk about how ever since Celebro's involvement in Tsutsujidai, she thinks just a little like a supervillain...
Akane swallows. It's her who makes the first move, this time -- letting her butt fall to the ground, then turning to face Namiko. "... just because this stuff happens out here," she murmurs, "doesn't mean the whole world's cruel. That's the way those kinds of people think. 'If the world sucks so bad, it's fine for me to play along with the sucking.'" ... she knows that much.
"The way Rikka's strong enough to face it is 'cuz she has the rest of us. Gridman, too." She nods -- as much for herself as Namiko. "And, hey... uh, this one took me a sec, but..."
She glances down again. "You're probably more human than I am. If you get too hung up on the categories you're gonna drive yourself nuts."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
She doesn't know how narrow the ledge she stands on is. People rarely do.
The sound of dirt shifting around Akane's landing gets Namiko's eyes up, ringed and wet. Akane's assurances take a long few seconds to receive a response before Namiko nods sullenly. "I know. Mr. Gai is really nice...and Gridman is, too." She means Kurenai, not Shishioh. "And 3G's been fighting hard...and there's other people too. I..."
Akane assures her further. Rikka's strong because of the other friends she's made. And about their respective natures, too.
Namiko doesn't bury her face again, and slowly she angles back down to put her own butt on the ground. "I want to be better than that," she says, quietly. "I don't...I don't wanna be some big hero. This sucks! I hate it! But I can't stand that these guys are out there hurting people, too! I said, I-I said I'd be OK just supporting Rikka, but she's so messed up now I can't even do that right! I!"
She goes from a squat to just flopping back in the dirt. "I guess...this is what it's like to be someone, huh?" she says, quietly.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
The sheer anguish rolling off of Namiko stings. It doesn't stop feeling so familiar.
It sounds like Namiko needs to hear the thing rattling around in Akane's heart. "... that's exactly how they were trying to get Rikka to think," she leads, and she knows it's going to sting. "I mean -- about me, not about her, but... it was the same deal. 'I need to be stronger for Akane.' And it's really easy to think that way."
She scoots toward Namiko a bit, saying, "Yeah. Being someone's pretty rough. ... If you want something you can do that'll help..." She pauses, thinking about it a little. What's something she absolutely hates doing around Aya, just already?
"... Tuesdays and Fridays, until she gets better, if you wanna come in and help put food restock away. That's like the one thing that still takes both me and Takarada-san to do fast, and then I'm kinda wiped? Having a third person around for that'd actually be a huge help, since then one of us could sit it out and the time pressure'd be off..."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
"Use the things you love to destroy you," Namiko says, weakly, and sighs and flops her head against the ground, finally returning herself fully to the Earth Mother('s sky pod). "Yeah, that sounds right."
"You're right. It's really easy to think that way. It's hard to call it wrong, but...it can't be everything. I know the Rikka I love likes me this way." She lets a small smile touch her face. "Lovable hug idiot Namiko." She giggles...and then sighs. "No. I'm...not. I'm not an idiot. I just want to make people happy. You know? Why's it gotta be hard? There's not enough party balloons in the world for this!"
She's rallying, apparently. Enough that when Akane offers her an idea, Namiko is able to "hwoop!" ab crunch herself up to a sitting position, cross her legs, and nod. She pats her hands on her skirt and then paws at her eyes to get the leftover tears away. "That'd be great," she says, and beams a smile. "I'd be happy to!"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"You're definitely not an idiot," Akane chides. "It kinda sounded like you have your head more around the Triple Zero thing than I do." The 'why' of that might be dire, but like -- the 'why' of everything is dire! The hell with that, right?
Letting out a huff, Akane slowly pulls herself back to her feet when Namiko pats her hands on her skirt. "Great! See you tomorrow before school," she says, nodding to her. "... I'm doing virtual 'cuz of everything that's been going on, so I'll be here. Don't think I'm gonna skip out on this one."
Pulling out her phone and giving it a quick check, she notes, "... and I think I gotta reopen the shop before too much longer, too. Takarada-san's pretty lax, but still..."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
"It's a gift?" Namiko says of her grasp on Triple Zero, and actually manages a cheeky shrug. She's getting herself around it, slowly. She's had a lot of help getting this far, trusting herself again. Sometimes it's easy to fall back in, but...that's why she has friends who can pull her back out.
Namiko pushes herself fully upright next, hands planting on her hips and her lips splitting into an unburdened smile. "Oh it's before, huh?" She laughs. "Even better!"
Namiko used to be on one of the sports teams and those make you keep some WILD hours.
She nods. "I'll clean up out here. Uh. And...Akane...."
Namiko ratchets down to a tender smile. "Thanks. For this and everything. I think...you're a great friend. We don't need a goddess if we have those."