2023-06-01: Vessels Adrift
- Log: Vessels Adrift
- Cast: Leina Ashta (designation Puru-1), Rikka Takarada (designation Treasure Chest)
- Where: Vist Foundation Atmospheric Supercarrier "Garuda"
- OOC - IC Date: U.C. 0097 05 30
- Summary: Following a test, Puru-1 and Treasure Chest share a conversation. They discuss the situations they both face and Puru-1 passes on a promise... but in the end, they're both left in uncomfortable silence.
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
Her body felt heavy when she woke up. It was the best sleep she'd had in months, but the debt of sleeplessness still pressed upon her, deeply into her bones.
There was no temptation to stay in bed. She still had a regimen to follow. Aumerei told her what her new regimen would be.
She had to follow her regimen.
Getting up out of bed, she forced herself to dress, and soon enough- the hum of a microwave was reheating the food she didn't finish last night.
Paella.
She had to eat it. She had to. It was her regimen. She needed to eat.
She forced back tears the whole time, but she ate every bite.
...---...
'You've been slipping lately. Failing to become a proper vessel for her feelings.'
She deserved to live. She deserved to exist. She was failing her by not giving her the opportunity.
Failing her. Failing her again.
The tests within the Banshee cockpit had concluded. She wondered if she'd done worse because her regimen was altered.
She never voiced this to Murasame. She shouldn't bother him. He doesn't need to be bothered.
Instead she was slipping out of the pilot suit of the Banshee in the locker room, after unzipping, dressed in just a sweaty tank top, sports bra and workout shorts.
The myriad contradictions of the day were making her feel out of sorts, even though she'd ate better, slept better than she had in months, as if there was this slight fugue. Taking a towel, she rubs it against her brow, and her hair.
"Sunsetting..." Why were they still running tests then? Why were they ramping up Treasure Chest's aggression? She's sure she helped Dr. Murasame in an experiment with her... the other day...
... she's so sure, she volunteered...
<Pose Tracker> Treasure Chest has posed.
More tests. After her previous unsatisfactory results, other methods of reinforcing what they need out of her were added to her training. Treasure Chest isn't aware of this, of course - she's noticed changes, but it isn't her role to question them.
Another test has concluded - and so, joining Puru-1 in the locker room is Treasure Chest, similarly taking steps to get out of her pilot suit. This routine, too, has become second nature. She's quiet, running over today's tests as she remembers them again in her head... when suddenly Puru-1 speaks, jarring her out of her headspace.
'Sunsetting'... It's the first part of the word that really pulls her out of her thoughts. Treasure Chest looks up, looking over in her direction.
"Puru-1?" Treasure Chest addresses, studying her expression.
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
Puru-1 is perhaps the only word that could focus her immediately into noticing she was even there. Possibly because there is so much passive authority baked into her designation, even if she doesn't realize it.
Her head turns towards Treasure Chest as if startled, then there's a momentary pause, as if she's assessing her presence, her sea green eyes.
"Oh. Treasure Chest it's..." She draws herself up straighter, "Aumerei told me they were, sunsetting my combat duties, and I just, it didn't make sense."
She eyes her for a moment, "Mrs. Vist Carbine said she was releasing you and Aumerei too, as part of, part of the deal. But they're, ramping up your combat testing-"
She puts a hand to the side of her head, "And I remember, volunteering... to help Dr. Murasame with a test... to sharpen your aggression, just the other day."
She looks at her, expression dull, part of her wants to apologize. Part of her knows that words without action are meaningless.
She knows without a doubt, she'd do it again. The fact she feels bad about it, doesn't matter, so long as she's willing to not just allow, but enable it.
Eventually she tears her eyes off of her, looking at a locker instead, "Just trying to figure out what's going through the man's head. I never know what he's thinking."
<Pose Tracker> Treasure Chest has posed.
Puru-1 turns as if startled, and a part of Treasure Chest feels like she should apologize, but that instinct quickly fades in favor of listening to what she says.
"Akane did? That's..." Treasure Chest starts. Sunsetting her combat duties... that should be good, right? It should be good if Puru-1 doesn't need to fight anymore... She continues, then.
"...She is?" Treasure Chest replies uncertainly. It should be nice, but it's hard for her to trust it... "...I don't understand, either. Why intensify my testing if I'm no longer needed...?"
...Because this is what she needs, maybe? What she needs to face the world. Her dull expression tells her nothing - but maybe that's fine.
...Is that right...?
"'Sharpen my aggression'... I remember there was a psycommu test, but..." She considers. ...What was it? Treasure Chest follows Puru-1's eyes, as they go from her to the locker. "...I don't know, either. It's... too much for me to think about."
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
Puru-1 hears the word Akane, and it takes a moment for her mind to remember that's Aumerei's name.
Still it's not her job to admonish Treasure Chest for breaking protocol.
It's hard for her to trust it as well. Certainly it makes sense that once the box is sealed she'd be done, but the detail of them ramping UP Treasure Chest rather than sunsetting her as well...
... she can't get that out of her head. 'I remember there was a psycommu test.'
Puru-1's head dips, as she puts out a hand to steady herself against the locker. "You too?" She whispers, "His tests have a way of- of doing that." She can't look at her right now, at all. Instead it's just her shadow transgressing upon Treasure Chest's space.
"Self-denial is... his way." She murmurs quietly, "He says, shouldn't even have to think, while I'm in there. Just... let her take over."
It's her fault, that... Treasure Chest, was exposed to this man. Her fault that she's like this.
"Yeah. Too much to think about." She agrees with her eventually part of her thinking about how she can't even remember shooting Callie in her Qubeley, "Too much."
She tears herself off the subject like pulling a scab, "How's off time been, with Aumerei?" She hopes that's at least a more pleasant answer. She hopes, now that she knows Akane is working to get Treasure Chest out of here.
<Pose Tracker> Treasure Chest has posed.
"...Yeah. Me too." Treasure Chest confirms with a nod. Her gaze falls to the locker room floor. That's what his tests do... She hesitates a little, as Puru-1 says that she shouldn't even have to think. "That's a lot to give up. It's..."
She looks up. She should say something about it, something more - but the complaint dies on her lips, and once again she fixates on the floor in front of her.
She nods. ... It is too much - though Treasure Chest doesn't know the depths of that which haunt Puru-1, she can tell there's a little something more, there.
"Is, um..." Treasure Chest starts, and hesitates - and then, Puru-1 tries to turn the topic to a brighter subject. Aumerei...
"It's..." Treasure Chest starts.
It's the only time she feels comfortable. It's the only time she feels at ease. It's the only time she feels like herself. It's the only time things feel right.
It's the only time she feels like she could be okay, if she still gets to spend time with her.
These thoughts and more flood to the forefront - but she doesn't give voice to them. What she eventually settles on is...
"...It's been really good for me, I think. I feel a lot more motivated now..." Treasure Chest decides.
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
"Is it?" The whispered question from Puru-1 in response feels mostly rhetorical. It feels like, there are just so many blank spaces in her life right now which are just submission, surrender.
The longer it's gone on, the less she's noticed it.
It's not too different from some of her times in Neo-Zeon. Whole hours, days blurring together, keeping her head down.
It hurts now to think, it hurts. What have her conscious thoughts even been about? How she's hurt Banagher? Audrey? How she killed Callie? How she's helped them do awful things to Aumerei, Treasure Chest, and Alouette? How she's stolen away second chances from some of them?
Maybe it'd be easier if these thoughts just ceased.
Palm shifts to a closed fist against the metal of the locker, as she tells her about Aumerei. "Ah that's. Good." She finishes lamely. At least, for all that Treasure Chest is hurting, she can find comfort with Aumerei.
Puru-1 has found no comfort visiting her loved ones. Their love for her only hurts, because it feels like she doesn't deserve it.
It's only driven home how monstrous she is, to be willing to do this with her.
"I ah..." She forces herself to relax, "In case we get, separated. Can you do something, for me?" She asks quietly, "Just, not even you need to do it-"
Distantly she remembers how she thought Treasure Chest shouldn't have to do this part of things, "-but can you pass it along? Feels like, can't trust, anyone else to do it."
Assuming she tells her yes, she starts, "Aumerei needs people to remind her, if she's not... out of her room, wherever she's staying, by eleven. Or to check up on her when she hasn't, posted art on To-witter for a week if she hasn't given a reason."
This hurts to think about, but it's important to pass this along, "And to get on her case if she wears the same thing three days in a row." She can't ask her about the thing about asking her if there's stuff she wants to do with Treasure Chest, that feels like it defeats the point to give that to her.
"Also, if she gets really bad, just... backrubs help her." There's the possibility of jealousy, but it doesn't really feel like that right now in what Leina is saying at least. More quietly, she adds...
"Can show you."
<Pose Tracker> Treasure Chest has posed.
'Is it?' ...It's hard to answer that. Not that an answer is expected. What could she even say? Can she even talk, considering what happens to her? ...She goes quiet, and feels just a little awkward when Puru-1 replies to how her time off with Aumerei has been.
...Should she have said something different...? She hesitates for a moment - and then, Puru-1 asks her to do something for her.
...She can't recall the last time she's made a request of her like this. Treasure Chest sits up a bit more attentively. She doesn't want to think about the idea of them getting separated... but at this point she can't say it's unlikely, either.
"...Okay. I'm listening." Treasure Chest replies with a nod, and listens. What follows is... a set of instructions, ways to help Aumerei take care of herself. She can understand, vaguely, why Puru-1 suggested she pass it along... She's her girlfriend, but she shouldn't be solely responsible for taking care of her.
"...My memory's a bit fuzzy lately..." Treasure Chest admits. "...But I'll do my best to remember that."
She hesitates for a moment longer, and then nods.
"Alright." She allows.
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
These thoughts hurt. Why are they ramping up Treasure Chest, but ramping down her? Why is Aumerei working so fast towards...
In the end, there's only one conclusion. And so, it's necessary that she try, try to pass it along.
"It's okay." She tells her when she says her memory's not the best, "Just, whatever you can remember. It'll help."
Peeling herself off the locker, she walks across the locker room, and sits down on the bench on Treasure Chest's side of the room. She bids her to sit down.
Assuming she does, she puts an arm around her from the side, her hand moving to the small of her back. With just a few fingers, she presses in, and moves in an even circle, rhythm unchanging, just completely even pressure.
"Just like that." She tells her quietly, "It helps her relax, breaks her thought pattern off whatever is bothering her."
<Pose Tracker> Treasure Chest has posed.
Whatever she can remember... Treasure Chest nods. If Puru-1 thinks it'll help, that's even more reason to commit it to memory.
Puru-1 steps away from her locker and sits down. With a nod, Treasure Chest stands up to move closer, sitting next to her. She demonstrates the back rub - an even circular motion, rhythm and pressure unchanging. It'd be pretty easy to let herself get lost in it... that must be why it's effective.
"...I didn't know about that. Okay. I'll try to remember that, too." She says. "...Thank you."
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
Puru-1 demonstrates this for a while. Perhaps she's hoping not just to teach her how one can relax Aumerei, but to relax her too.
Eventually however, she takes her hand away.
"Thank you." She tells her as she straightens back on the bench, "It feels like... I don't have any right to ask you to do... these things."
Alouette's words keep coming into her mind. On people sometimes needing more chances than just a second one.
"I helped ruin her second chance after all, but, if she gets another..."
She halts, looks vaguely off to the side, "... I just- I don't know. I can't take what I did to her back, but some things are too important for that to get in the way of passing these things on."
Slowly she gets back up and walks over to her side of the locker room, she doesn't know what state Treasure Chest will even be in should Aumerei get a third chance.
She's not even sure what she can offer her. All she's done is help make things worse for her, but... she knows how important Aumerei is to her.
Maybe if she can't know what her future looks like, her recovery looks like, then all she can give her is something to help Aumerei.
<Pose Tracker> Treasure Chest has posed.
Treasure Chest shakes her head, at that.
"...It's alright. If it'll help her, I want to know it." She says. Puru-1 says she helped ruin Aumerei's second chance. If she gets another... Treasure Chest goes quiet for a moment, too.
Some things are too important. She rolls that over in her head for a moment, and rolls over her previous statement, too, and watches as Puru-1 stands and walk back over to her side of the locker room.
"...If she can get another chance... why can't you?" Treasure Chest asks, once she manages to form the thought.
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
Puru-1 picks up her towel, and looks like she's on a trek towards the dirty towel hamper. When Treasure Chest asks that question...
When Akane was in front of her, she couldn't broach this subject. It was so thorny. Anything she might have said could have hurt her further.
She had to accept help just to prevent from hurting her.
"Because I'm not like Aumerei. I'm like Mrs. Vist Carbine, or Dr. Murasame..." She looks at her out of the corner of her eye, "...or Alexis." She tells her quietly, "And I have been for a long time. Ever since I was a child, manipulating people, because I thought I knew what was best for them."
She toys with the towel in her hands, before wadding it up, "Long before someone taught me how to do it better."
And with a toss, just lets it go the rest of the way, where it half opens, sitting on the edge of the hamper, with a wince, she moves to push it the rest of the way in.
"Banagher and Audrey. I betrayed them." She finally turns towards Treasure Chest, finally meeting her eyes, "And I would do it again, to keep them safe."
There's a pause, as if her eyes are assessing her and, "How does the thought of betraying Aumerei to these people make you feel?" She doesn't even wait for her to respond, just saying more quietly, "... Well, there's your answer."
<Pose Tracker> Treasure Chest has posed.
Puru-1 explains why she feels that way. Because she's like the people who hurt them, and has been for a while. Because she betrated those most important to her, and would do it again for their sake.
... It hurts to hear, each assertion like a knife. And if it hurts that much to hear... how much does it hurt to feel that way?
... It's all too much. She goes quiet, her eyes once more falling to the floor in front of her. Puru-1 assesses her, and asks her a question. How does the thought of betraying Aumerei make her feel...?
She doesn't wait. She doesn't need to. They both know the answer to that... how she'd feel, and what she'd do if it came to that. Eventually...
"...I'm sorry. I was out of line." Treasure Chest murmurs quietly, still not looking her way.
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
They both know the answer to that question, but Puru-1 still feels bad for the asking, for pressing her. Even worse when she apologizes.
The air is pregnant with her self-loathing in that moment, as she looks away from Treasure Chest.
"Don't apologize to someone like me. It's a waste of breath. After all..."
She starts to walk towards the door of the Locker Room, as if to leave her here.
"... I did this to you."
Treasure Chest can of course stop her, but for the moment at least, Puru-1 has decided that Treasure Chest's loneliness is better company than her.
<Pose Tracker> Treasure Chest has posed.
She could stop her. A part of her desperately wants to reach out, to tell her that it isn't true, and that she's okay even if it is.
She wants that.
She raises her hand. A sound forms in her throat.
... But ultimately, she can't. She can't give that want form. Ultimately, someone like her can't reach out like that. The protest dies on her lips and she watches her leave - left now with nothing but her thoughts.