2023-05-18: Confess All My Heart

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Michele and Rita finally speak. While bittersweet, they resolve to move forward and save Jona and the Earthsphere from the damage they've caused.

CW: heavy trauma and self-loathing, references to Titans labs, severe physical injuries 

<Pose Tracker> Michele Luio has posed.

Michele Luio has been congratulated, whether spitefully or genuinely, all night.

She got the Phenex! She hasn't thanked anyone for the praise, surprisingly...

Brick Teclato's said nothing, though has given her his support.

Michele Luio did not sleep, even though she sent off Brick to rest.

Instead, dressed in her same outfit, dirtied, makeup rinsed off after it smeared, and with dejection in her heart, she entered the Phenex's hangar. The damage on the golden machine was awful. It hurt her just to look at - she didn't expect this much danger to Rita tonight...

"Fuck! Fuck! Why can't you just speak to me? Is it the birdcage? Is it my fault? Either way, please..."

Michele takes a seat on a folding chair, with a cup of coffee (and a shot of booze).

"Jona...I'm sorry. I should have...trusted you. I should have told you the plan. Maybe then, you'd still be here, and you could..."

"Fuck...this wasn't worth it. Rita may be safe, but without him...what am I supposed to do?"

Despite trying to keep watch on the night-time repair crew, the booze is a kick enough to knock Michele out. She drifts...

And drifts...

And falls asleep. 

<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.

There have been no signs of life from the youngest RX-0 model. Like an abandoned doll, she slumps in the hangar where she was placed, surrounded by the eerie light of the anti-psycho cage. A terrible wound is torn through her chest, just above the cockpit.

Perhaps the Phenex is lucky, or perhaps she is simply very loved by her sister. If the claws of the Lion had been just a bit lower and pierced her heart...

In any case, there is no glimmer of blue flame, no aura to be found. Even the strongest Newtype the ship has to offer wouldn't be able to sense any spiritual energy or emotional intent. The Phenex, for all that can be observed, is dead.

Michele shouts up at the Gundam, begging for a response. With all Rita has sacrificed of her spirit, is there anything left to hear her?

Spiritual Newtype Bonds are an unexplored Newtype phenomenon, but it's widely believed that they can only occur between a group of Newtypes. Michele Luio, for all her gifts, is as Natural a human as has ever existed. And yet, as she drifts off...

---

A schoolbus comes to a sudden stop, and a tiny blonde child runs out the door. As fast as her little legs can carry her, she makes a path to the shore. She didn't ask anyone to come with her, or explain what was happening. She chose to go alone.

But even so...

"Rita!" Calls two voices, as two more sets of little legs chase down the beach.

Children ask worried questions, and she simply grabs their hands in response. She has no words.

Fire and death consume the sky. Something is falling. The vision doesn't explain how, or why, or what it is, only that it's very scary and very bad.

"Is this real?" A scared voice asks.

A little blonde girl, face shrouded in the fog of time, nods sharply.

"What do we do?"

---

Rita Bernal has seen trillions of potential futures.

---

"I know the guards' routes." An authoritative teenager announces. "Tonight's the night."

Somehow, it works. Augusta vanishes behind them. The alarm hasn't even been tripped yet. Two of the teens look back nervously, but the third simply follows along with them. They'll be back soon enough. She knows they simply have to make this time count.

Faux-confidence is heavy on the shoulders of the ringleader of the mission.

---

Rita Bernal has seen trillions of potential futures.

---

There's nothing left.

Despite crossing a continent, sneaking aboard several shuttles, and quite a few close calls, the Miracle Children find only destruction at their destination.

Covered in ruined, twisted metal, the beach is a wasteland. The taller of the two teenagers stand, vacantly staring out into the devastated ocean. Even without being Newtypes, they somehow know there is no aquatic life left.

Laughter pierces the scene.

Arms held out to her sides, a young blonde teen runs through a flock of seagulls, voice high and bright. Having this much room to move again! It feels unreal.

"I'm jealous, you know." One of the still children says to the other, as they watch her play. ---

Rita Bernal has seen trillions of potential futures.

---

"I thought they told us not to subject the Miracle Children to that kind of treatment."

---

Rita Bernal has seen trillions of potential futures.

---

"It's the only way, Jona!"

---

Rita Bernal has seen trillions of potential futures.

---

Hands clench in a limousine.

---

Rita Bernal has seen

only

one

past.

---

Memories warp and rewind, whirling around a singular, unbreakable point.

Gold light. Like a guardrail, like a lifeline, like a vein. Ephemeral in appearance, neglected for decades, it still stretches between two souls. And now that they've found each other again, now that the walls of zealous belief and suffering have fallen away from the both of them...

Like the sun emerging from behind an eclipse, the Bond's aura radiates with newfound strength. With fierce pressure, both women are pulled in. They could no more resist than they could deny their own souls.

---

Rmmmblll.... thump-thump, thump-thump...

The roads were always bumpy. No money for maintenance after the One Year War.

Everything is familiar. Warm sunlight through the windows, the smell of generations of children's adventures, even the squeaking of the worn-out seats.

But despite all the familiar sensory experiences, the bus is empty. No driver, no children. The only figure in the entirety of the vehicle sits in the very last row, her head turned to look out the window, watching the Australian coast pass by.

Titan's blue, golden hair, a child-like build. Though her face is shadowed, Michele would know that silhouette anywhere. The last time they saw each other in the flesh, the last day Michele spent at Augusta Laboratories.

Rita Bernal, witnessing the present. 

<Pose Tracker> Michele Luio has posed.

"Hm...?" Michele Luio 'wakes up'. She's standing at the front of the bus, but everything feels...different.

She's shorter, for one. Short-ish hair, Titans blue uniform, no makeup. She glances out the window, as the driverless bus moves.

A dream? She must have fallen asleep. Even in her dreams, she's remarkably lucid.

As her eyes pan from the view of the coastline around the bus, they stop in the back. Blonde hair. Shadowed face.

Michele tries to figure out what's going on. Is she this guilty she's dreaming of Rita? No...this is...

"Rita..." Michele's voice is youthful, as she approaches closer, but stops at the midway point of the bus. "Rita!"

It's not a joyous reunion. She knows everything she's done. "Automatic cars really have become popular, huh..." Michele jokes to cut her own lack of knowing what to say first. But in the end, she settles on something simple.

"I'm sorry."

That won't cut it. Michele knows it won't. But it's what her heart tells her to say, in this emotional environment where two worlds are connected and where any lie can be pierced. It's the truth, too.

"Everything I've done...this wasn't worth it. Seeing the Phenex like that...goddamnit. Why does it always have to end in heartbreak for the three of us...?" 

<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.

Rita knew this was coming. Even if she's wounded and in despair, her psychic senses are still some of the sharpest in the Universal Century. Bonds can't be broken, not ones like this. Rita feels the connection flare back to life in the same moment Michele appears within the bus.

Golden hair flows over one shoulder as Rita turns to look at her long-lost friend. Her eyes cannot be seen, but her mouth tilts upward in bittersweet recognition.

"Michele."

It's her voice. Not psychically, not remembered, but audibly, truly, Rita's voice. Breathy and sweet.

Michele apologizes, and Rita's shadowed face shows surprise, then sorrow. She bites her lip, trembling, and launches herself at the other girl.

"Michele-- Michele!" Rita shouts quietly. It's still the loudest Michele has ever heard her (without labcoats involved). "Michele..."

A hand raises up, touching Michele's face. Rita's other hand hovers just in front of the other girl's shoulder. It turns into a fist and... gently thunks down against her. If it were about ten times faster, it would've been a punch.

"Jona... my sister..." It comes out as a sob. "Michele..."

Thunk.

"This isn't the way things were supposed to be. I was... I was saving you and Jona, and now!"

Thunk.

Rita sinks to her knees in the middle of the bus' aisle, reaching up to cover her face.

"This is all my fault. All of it." Rita sobs again. "Everything that happened, happened because of my choice. I wish I'd--!"

But even now, Rita can't bring herself to speak that wish to reality. Condemning the Earth to so much suffering is impossible, even to avoid this future.

Hands lower. What's the point in hiding anything anymore?

Rita's face tilts up toward Michele, and as the light touches her face, it becomes clear. The fog of the past lifts, revealing her tear-filled eyes.

"I did this to you. To all of you. In order to stop Zoltan's monster, I had to sacrifice so much. But the cost was too high. And everything is... ruined." 

<Pose Tracker> Michele Luio has posed.

The thunk is accepted. Michele is happy to hear Rita's voice, but this isn't a happy moment. As Rita sinks, explaining herself, Michele can't bring herself to cry - she's steeled herself so hard - but can bring herself to despair, certainly.

"Don't give me that, Rita...don't give me that!" It's not anger, but it is passion that flares up in a moment, even as the two connect.

"How can you take responsibility for what I did? What Jona did? How we survived? You can't! You can't say we didn't have a choice too! We followed you into this, remember?"

She sighs, exhausted from even that. "But look what I've done. I've turned our own fellows into my tools, I've burned every bridge I have, and Jona's gone with that 'monster'. All I wanted...was for you two to be happy. Where I can't be, didn't deserve to be."

Michele places her hand on one of the bus seats, looking out to the beach. "This was our last moment as one cohesive whole. Now we are three. Divided, scarred, ruined...and I'm *the one* who condemned us."

Michele exhales. "Yuliana said it herself. The pain you went through was *my* fault. You may have seen it coming, but you didn't control my mind or body, Rita!" 

<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.

Rita blinks in surprise as Michele refutes her words. This is not how she thought their reunion would go.

"Michele." There's sadness to her tone. A sort of patience, the tact one would take when explaining a harsh truth to a child. "You don't understand. After the field trip, I didn't just foresee Operation British."

Green eyes turn radiant, shimmering with the pink-blue-green of the resonant plane. Rita's voice echoes. "I saw everything that was to come."

"Every choice. Every moment. Every step." Rita's eyes shift back to their more human shade. "It happened because I chose it for us. Something even worse than the Colony Drop is coming. And I sacrificed us to prevent it."

Rita's voice breaks. She looks down.

"You chose to follow me that day, but that's the last choice you made. We followed the path, all of us. Until I died, everything was already decided."

"But then," Rita trembles. "I could see further. I tried to change things. I wanted more. And ever since."

Tears fall down Rita's cheeks, her gaze turning empty as she stares down to the floor. "Ever since, I've destroyed the people I love most."

But Michele mentions Jona and the Monster, and... how she didn't deserve to be with them. Rita looks up sharply.

"What are you saying? How could you -- how could you think that's what either of us would want?" Rita's voice turns frantic. "Michele, it wasn't your fault! What you did back then was the only thing that could happen."

Rita's shoulders tremble. "How could we ever be whole without you? All this time, we've been fighting for this moment, haven't we?" Green eyes follow Michele's touch to the chair. "To get back here."

"You have to accept that these things, everything that led here, is my doing." Rita says, slowly. "I know it's hard to hear. You've been thinking of me differently all these years. But I'm not who you thought I was. From the beginning, I sacrificed us all." 

<Pose Tracker> Michele Luio has posed.

Michele listens, head down as Rita says they didn't want this for her. That they couldn't be whole without her. Maybe she's right. But it's hard to swallow. After her sin...

"You can't tell me you did this by yourself. If it could have failed, there was free will. If you can change things, *you* had free will! Don't be a solipsist, don't tell me that the world revolves around you!" Ironic, seeing how, for Michele's life, it basically has.

"You were just a child, Rita. Any action you made isn't your responsibility. You were-"

Michele, in this emotional vortex, realizes something. "You were just a kid. Eight, fifteen, whatever."

"And so was I."

"But Jona's lost. He's never going to trust us again! And no matter whose fault it is...that can't be the way it ends. No, no..."

Michele sinks deeper, despair overcoming her.

"Why did it have to be us?" 

<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.

"I--" Rita begins, shock on her face. Mentally, she wonders what a 'solipsist' is, but it doesn't seem important in the moment. "It's only because I got greedy, if I stayed to the path it would've been okay, but--"

But you would've died.

Rita can't speak the thought, but it echoes from her so loudly, Michele might be able to hear it all the same. This space crafted from their Bond has its own rules.

"Seven." Rita says, automatically. "I was seven. And so were you."

This is... a new concept. The idea that Rita wasn't at fault for her choice, or even responsible for it? But if Michele isn't responsible for her decisions back then... then how could Rita be responsible for her own?

The encroaching panic and despair ease, just enough for Rita to focus.

"Jona..." Tears roll down Rita's cheeks again, but her eyes stay bright. "Michele, I -- can't find him. I've been searching since I woke up again, but I can't see properly."

Rita slowly stands. As she rises, her form changes, growing taller, slimmer. Scars knit themselves into her fair skin, covering nearly every visible inch. Titan-blue uniform pieces blur into a uniform of another kind. Federation stripes.

Arms wrap around Michele and pull her into a tight hug.

"You were just a child. You did the only thing you could. I've never blamed you, not for a second." Rita's voice rings with truth. "And I forgive you."

"Do you remember how small we were?" There's a sob-laugh. "And your clunky old glasses? Why... Out of everyone in the Earthsphere, out of all those heroes. Why did the vision come to me?"

Rita has to be strong for Michele. Now more than ever. "I'm so sorry, Michele. I never wanted this. I only... wanted to keep people from hurting."

Despair is contagious, welling up around Michele, threatening to drown Rita in its wake.

"I don't know why Possibility chose us. But we can't go back. We can't stop with the way things are." Rita's voice shakes. "We've hurt Jona too much. We have to save him. Whatever it takes." 

<Pose Tracker> Michele Luio has posed.

Michele looks up, and her eyes are watering. As Rita stands, her form changing, Michele breathes in, closes her eyes, and exhales. When she's done, she stands herself, reaching taller - she's in her favored outfit, the jumpsuit she had tailored for her, as she accepts the hug. "God, I still have a pair. I bought them online when I saw them. Doesn't even fit my face, but, I never stopped clinging to the past..."

"I was so wrapped up in my wrongdoing, in my self-loathing, that...I hurt Jona, I hurt you, the Banshee pilot, the people of Metis, hell, even Yuliana Kafim. All because I thought a million wrongs could make a right. Even now, I still can't believe in myself..." She admits. Change isn't that fast, even in an emotional vortex.

"I've hurt too many people. But...I can believe in the you that appears to believe in me. You're right...if I made this mess, I have to be part of the solution. But..."

Michele looks Rita in the eyes after backing up. "You don't need to be a goddess, Rita. If you can't see anymore, into the future, then that means it's no longer only your fate. It's everyone's. Those people who scream for you? Fight for you? They're your friends. They can help you."

"They're heroes. And that's what the Earthsphere needs." 

<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.

Michele appears as her adult self -- now being fully honest with herself and Rita, it seems. Rita watches with sorrow and happiness both in her eyes.

"I'd like to see that." Rita says, of the glasses. "You've gotten to be so stylish. It'd be funny to see you in something less than perfect."

Rita closes her eyes, stepping back and taking one of Michele's hands in place of the hug. "I can't forgive what you've done to the Banshee. Or to Jona. That's going to take more time."

"But that doesn't mean I want you gone. Or that I'm going to stop believing in you." A squeeze to Michele's hand. "Nothing could ever make me give up on you."

"We can't do this without each other. And we have a lot to do." Rita manages a little smile.

Green eyes wide in surprise. "No, I can get my visions back, I'm sure of it. I just have to get the Phenex back. Her strength is all I need." It's almost a little desperate.

Again, Rita's form shimmers. Instead of the Federation uniform, she's suddenly wearing a white-and-blue normal suit. Where her other outfits were pristine, this one...

Shows the reality of Rita's state.

Blood stains the Phenex pilot's suit deep crimson, seeping from a gaping wound in her chest. Rita's hair is matted with sweat and blood, hanging limply around her shoulders, and one of her arms is dislocated at the shoulder.

"W--whoops." Rita looks embarrassed. One of her eyes is sealed shut, dark bruising surrounding it. "I didn't want to show you this..."

"Only the living can end something started by the living." Rita all-but whispers. "The way I am now, I can't do anything on my own. I need you, and I need my."

It takes effort.

"I need my friends. The heroes of the living. To save Jona, and bring him back to us." 

<Pose Tracker> Michele Luio has posed.

Michele takes the squeeze, and flinches at Rita's words, but... "I understand. If I'm going to fix anything, I have a lot of angry people to contend with. It'll take time, and some people will never forgive me. But Jona's our firstmost goal. With that beast of a machine, and his rage, who knows what he'll do...?"

As Rita ages again, Michele steps back, in horror and self-shame. "I'm...so sorry. We'll get that fixed as soon as possible. I..."

Michele weighs something. It's her moment of truth. What does she care about most, here? Accomplishing her original mission, or fixing what she's wrought? Both are still in her heart. Both never stopped being important.

"I'll do what's best for you. Just let me lose the hounds and figure out our next step. But..."

Michele's pleading as she speaks. "Don't disappear again...okay?"

<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.

When Michele flinches, Rita grabs her other hand, holding tightly. "I have so much to make up for too. My sister... Once we bring Jona home, we have to save her. Or sooner, if we get the chance. It's--"

Tears are blinked away. That conversation has to come later.

"Normally I can control what I look like, but the Phenex is my body. When she hurts, it affects me, too." Rita is almost apologetic. "She's going to need a lot of repairs. Please help her, Michele."

Rita waits patiently as Michele works through her emotions. There's a sad little smile on her face once Michele finally works up her courage.

"I won't leave you." Rita promises. "Even once the Phenex is healed and free. Wherever we go, we go together." 

<Pose Tracker> Michele Luio has posed.

"I'll push the team forward. I should be able to make enough excuses for relative privacy. I know this organization. They're below the law, but they gave me a call, and I'll see if I can get any resources from them in exchange for a committal of service."

Michele wipes her tears away, and turns to the bus's front. "I think this is my stop, Rita. Let's not let this be our last ride together, alright?"

Michele walks to the bus door as it comes to a pause, presses the release button, and steps out. As she does, blinding light surrounds her, and...

"Are you alright?" Brick asks, standing over her. She was slumped forward in the chair. It's been a couple hours relatively, and he immediately went looking for her. Michele smiles.

"No, but I think we will be."

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